 If you're not familiar with the red pill community, this is a group of people that believe that the primary problem with relationships today centers around feminism and the fact that women are more entitled than ever before. And what's interesting, I was listening to a conversation with a group of people talking about how men also have been feminized in the last 50 years and one of the fundamental problems in relationships also centers around that men are no longer stoic, men are no longer men and that sort of thing. And I've been thinking a lot about this, whether it's true or not. And while we can certainly judge men and women to be a certain way, what I think is really happening today more than ever before, particularly for men, is men for the first time in their lives are actually in an opportunity to express their feelings, whereas in the past they were stoic. And because of this, men are uncomfortable and unfamiliar with actually tapping into how they feel about certain things in their life, particularly when negative things have happened in our lives because we can certainly celebrate men and women who are in their victorious stage and show and express emotions when things are going well. What about when something is not going well for a man? In the past there was no outlet. It was to be stoic. It was to show no emotions. Actually worse, little boys were often taught that violence was actually a sign of manhood. Now this probably was because throughout the eons, men were the primary protectors in the physical sense when we had to go to war. So to some degree, if we prepared young boys to be violent, they could protect the tribe, so to speak. But nowadays we're not in war environments, at least here in the United States. And so let's think about this for a moment. Think about the emotional effects, the traumas that happen when going through a divorce. And while in many cases women oftentimes complain about men's bad behavior, I can equally, I can test a test that women can be equally bad in their behavior in a relationship. Whatever bad looks like for you. It could be stonewalling. It could be contempt. It could be criticism. It could be defensiveness in a relationship. These are the things that critically affect someone on an emotional level. And given that the number one emotional health issue facing most people today, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, or worse, I'm not likable. Actually, I'm not lovable is the worst. So what's happening today is that men struggle from an emotional sense because we haven't been taught to actually connect on an emotional level. I can tell you it wasn't until my mid-50s that my closest male friends and I ever had a serious conversation on emotional level and it took losing my son Connor for that to actually happen. Now we can criticize men too for a variety of reasons but I want you to think about this, especially going through a divorce. If you go through a divorce with someone yet one point in time you cared about in your life, there's an unraveling of the tapestry of a previous life and in many cases men and women are lost after a divorce. And so this can emotionally lost if you will. And while they might be able to pay their bills and take care of the physical aspects of their lives, many men and women are struggling on an emotional level. And I think because this isn't addressed to the same degree for men as it is for women and this is rapidly changing, I think the reality is our emotions make up the substantial component of our lives, our emotions, our feelings, how we feel through the world and if we don't have the tools and resources to navigate this it can be incredibly challenging to actually lean into a healthy happy relationship with someone. This is why I'm such a big proponent of individuals doing personal development, self-help and spiritual work. This is why, where's my book? This is why I wrote my book, what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work because the reality is as men are struggling in the same degrees that women are. And yet we have the expectation, we're the provider, we're the protectors, we have to be stronger because that illustrates and demonstrates confidence and God forbid a man is perceived weak by a woman. And so one of the primary reasons why men are less likely to commit these days is because they were maybe significantly hurt in their past relationship and they're operating from a place of being gun shy. And while we can criticize this, certainly you can criticize someone for being gun shy. We don't criticize women for being gun shy, do we? Sometimes we do, but to be criticized for a fear, to be judged for a fear rather than come at it from a place of compassion, a place of love, a place of understanding. This is why I haven't talked about this in a while, but I highly recommend reading the book, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson because the antidote to what's happening in the dating mating marketplace isn't about whether or not feminism has affected. Human behavior or at least relationships and it is about whether or not men are no longer alpha males and they're stoic and they've been emasculated. The real challenge in the dating mating and marketplace is centered around a lack of real compassion and love for human beings. You know, it's interesting, I've on dating on swipe applications. I've had women say to me, and I only because I coach women say to me, what was that guy thinking messaging me? What was that guy thinking? Think of the judgment, when we judge a human being just based on a picture. By the way, men do this too. You know, one of the things I've always done is when I looked at a profile that was interested in me, I always might have swiped the other way and I always said, I'm sending you love, I'm sending you love, I'm sending you love because when we can operate from a more positive mindset when putting ourselves out there when we can operate from a place of compassion, love, understanding, I think we draw in more positive experiences in our life. And yet if we operating from a place of judgment, being jaded, bitter, or operating from a place of fear, we're going to attract more of what we don't want in our lives and not to say that men, and by the way, I'm a big proponent of men equally doing a more personal development, self-help and spiritual work. I'm a big proponent of men doing work to help prepare them, more importantly doing the work to actually improve their emotional maturity and their relationship skills. We are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality of men and women alike who have terrible relationship skills. If the divorce rate is 50%, what does that say? Half of everybody who gets married is most likely to get divorced and in midlife, those numbers are substantially higher. They're 65 to 70% for second and third marriages. What does that say? We can enter into a relationship based on chemistry, great. But if you haven't built the deep roots of trust early on through better communication skills and particularly our ability to communicate our emotions because most people operate when there's a friction and a relationship is I'm right and you're wrong. Instead of operating from a place of a we and I'd rather be happy than be right. Folks, I'm here to say, men are not the devil, women are not the devil. The devil, if anything, is our lack of knowledge, particularly our ability to navigate our emotions in such a way from a healthy place, not from a place of stuffing our emotions which many men were taught early on. And to judge men because they're more emotional, folks, we need to exploit emotions in a way to further help both genders actually find a way to deeper commitment and love when they actually find a partner they want to commit to. And more importantly, I want you to think about it. This commitment is the, the commitment, the foundation for commitment really boils down to not about being with someone because you want to have a good time. It's really about saying, do I want to take care of this person? And if we don't reach that point, what's going to happen is the relationship will most likely fizzle and then people will put themselves out there to do this again and again and again. I'm here to say, and this is why I teach this in my private coaching, do a better job of vetting for this emotional maturity. Do a better job of recognizing who's genuinely compatible with you. So you can put the odds in your favor. That's what my private coaching is all about is putting the odds in your favor. And that's my invitation for you all. So to understand why men are less likely to commit, it's not because they're bad guys. It's not because of red pill. It's not because they're not stowing. It's just many men haven't been given the opportunity really navigate their emotions. And thankfully more men each day are seeking therapy, personal development, self-help and spiritual work to better prepare themselves to actually be in what I call a juicy, delicious, healthy relationship like I am with my sweetheart there. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below. Please share this. Please tell your friends about our group called Midlife Love Mastery. Send them to my website, Jonathanasley.com. Have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group. And I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye.