 Hi, this is Helena Hart from commitmentconnection.com and in this video I wanted to answer a question I received from a woman in our community who wants to know how to break up with her boyfriend and have that conversation with him. And I know this can be really difficult, so hopefully this will help you out today. But before I get started, if this is the first time to our channel, be sure to click the button to subscribe to get all of our videos on how to have the relationship you want. So like I mentioned, I know this conversation can be really difficult. It certainly was for me personally in my past and probably still would be today. You know, I tend to be really non-confrontational and want to put other people's feelings ahead of my own a lot of times, like so many women I've talked to and coached over the years. So I know this can be difficult, so I'm going to give you some tips on how to do this because I found that it's really important to be straightforward and clear. And while a man might be heartbroken and he might not like the fact that you're breaking up with him, most men really appreciate someone who's just honest and straightforward and not giving him mixed signals or sugarcoating. So the first tip I have for you is that you want to be sensitive to him, but you also want to be really strong as well. So you want to end it on clear terms. I know the tendency to want to sugarcoat things, like I said, by saying something like, you know, you need some time to think or maybe it would be good to take a little break. But I found that if you're sure you want to break up with him, it's better to just be really straightforward and don't use ambiguous wording or language. You want to be really clear. That's the first tip. The next one is, you know, don't focus on fault. Focus on incompatibility. So it's never a good idea to blame a man or make him wrong or tell him all of his character traits that, you know, make you feel like he's not the one for him. That's really not going to get you anywhere because the outcome is going to be the same either way. So I would really focus on incompatibility. And one little tip I'll give you here is that giving him a reason that he can't change is going to be helpful, you know, in terms of his own mindset. So if you say something like, well, we just don't have a lot in common or we haven't been getting along lately. A man can try and change that and convince you to stay like, well, I'm going to try harder to get along with you or whatever your reasoning is. But if you give him some really clear thing that he can't do anything about, like, you know, we've really grown apart over the past few months and I want to be on my own now, or we're not on the same page in terms of wanting kids or where we want to live in the future or something like that, that's going to be really helpful. So again, you want to focus on incompatibility rather than finding fault and throwing the blame on to him. It's okay to accept responsibility and talk about things that way, but I would really focus on why you're incompatible rather than a personality treat of his that you want to just blame him for. So that's the next tip. The third one is that, you know, it's okay to say that you really cherish the time you spent together and that, you know, you'll always cherish the memories you've had, but you don't want to give him mixed signals. You don't want to be flirty or, you know, give him some sort of false hope that this could change in the future if you truly are done with a relationship and wanting to move on. I know this can be difficult. And of course, it's fine to say that you really enjoy the time you spent with him. You've enjoyed getting to know him. You just don't want to give him false hope that he could somehow change your mind because it's just going to prolong the conversation and prolong the breakup, which is already really painful as it is. I'm sure for both of you. So the last tip I have here is, you know, after you have this conversation with him, don't be available to him like a girlfriend or like someone he's dating. And this is probably the hardest one I have on this list, you know, because likely he's become your best friend in a lot of ways too. And you're both going to be hurting after you break up even though you're the one who wants to initiate this conversation. It's probably going to be really painful for you too. And a lot of times it's like the one person you shouldn't talk to in situations like this after the fact is maybe one of the only people that can help you feel better because I'm sure the two of you had that deep friendship and bond as well. So just know that every time he talks to you, like if he were to reach out and call you the next day or text you or something, every time you respond to him in like a way that makes him feel that you're open to talking about things or reconnecting, it's giving him that false hope and prolonging the breakup. And I can tell you this from experience, I was like the queen of prolonging breakups and having multiple conversations about it again, because I didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. That was really, really painful for me to go through myself. And I'm sure you've experienced that as well. So as much as you can be really clear and straightforward and just let him know that, you know, you really enjoyed the time you spent with him, but you just feel like you've grown apart or you feel like you're not on the same page and you don't want to continue investing yourself emotionally and otherwise in a relationship where you don't feel like it's going to work out in the end. So that's what I have for you in terms of how to have this conversation when you want to break up with someone. I hope this was helpful for you. Let me know how this goes for you. And if you have any thoughts or experiences with this that you want to share in the comment section, feel free to do that and I will see you in the next video. Thanks for watching. And if you'd like to discover exactly what to say and do to get the man and relationship you've always wanted, click the button on the right side of this video to visit our website and I will talk to you soon.