 Good health to you all from Rexall. Yes, it's Sunday time for the Bill Harris Alice Bay Show, presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and your Rexall family drug. Good evening. This week, we independent Rexall drugers would like to place Santa Claus to all you tired last-minute Christmas shoppers. Our present to you is quick, easy, economical gift buying without all the rush and worry. Suggestions? Well, there's Karanom, for example. One of America's oldest and most respected lines of beauty aids and a Rexall exclusive. We have Karanom in delightful gift sets for as low as $2 and on up to a completely fitted traveling case for $50. And believe me, the lady who receives Karanom will never forget the gift or the giver. Then there's Stag, Rexall exclusive, popular toiletries for men. You can buy them individually gift box for as low as $0.75 or in handsome combination sets up to $2.98. And here's another big help. Most of us Rexall drugers are prepared to gift-trap your selections ready either for mailing or the Christmas tree. So if you're faced with some last-minute gift buying, look for the store with the orange and blue Rexall sign in the window. This week, that sign means quick, easy, can't-go-wrong Christmas shopping. Merry Christmas to all from Rexall. Rexall Family Drugist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Faye show written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Roos and Whitfield, Walter Sharp and his music, our special guest Jack Benny and starring Alice Faye and Phil Harris. For weeks now, the Harris children like children all over the world have been thinking of nothing but Christmas and Santa Claus. They've been on their best behavior, and as we look in, we find Alice complimenting the children on their good deportment. Now you've been particularly good, Alice, and I'm sure that Santa Claus will bring you lots of presents. I hope so, Mommy. And it's for you, honey. You've been just as good as Alice. You've been going to bed early, putting your toys away and eating all your food. The only thing is you haven't been drinking all your milk. Well, I tried, but you know how that stuff gags me. Phil, I'm talking to little Phyllis. Where is she? She was here a minute ago. She went into the den, Mommy. I'll go get her. Doing with those crayons. I'm going to draw a picture on the wall. Don't do that. You know we've got to be good till Christmas. But I've been good for three weeks now. Alice, it's an awful strike. Five more days. Don't crack up now. What have you two been doing? The Claus, when he brings the presents on Christmas Eve. Well, honey, Santa Claus has a lot of other stops to make and he might get here very late. Can't we, Daddy, please? Well... Well... Well, okay. Now, you kids continue to behave yourselves, and I promise that you'll see Santa on Christmas Eve. Now, run along and play. Go ahead. Oh, thanks, Daddy. Gee, I can hardly wait... Now, Phil, what did you promise the children that? Now, if they don't see Santa, they'll be very disappointed. They'll see him. And just to make sure, I'll dress up like Santa and come down to chimney. They won't be able to tell me from the real one. Yes, dear? Alice, I still can't figure out how they knew that it was me last year. What did I do that was wrong? Well, for one thing, you were supposed to come in singing jingle bells. I did. Oh, I know, but those lyrics, I can still hear them. Ham hocks and turnip greens, they melt right in your mouth. And candy gems and a hominy grits. And that's what I like about the South. What's wrong with those lyrics? That isn't the way we sing it up North. Can I help it if you Yankees don't know the right? It's when they like to understand. Never did it that way in my life. You don't think I can play St. Nick? We'll have to get somebody else to do it. Yes, but who? Well, I'll think of somebody if you'll just let me concentrate. Now, if I think hard enough, something will come out. Good morning, Phillip. For this, I had to concentrate yet. Just drop it. Hey, Willie, wait a minute. Willie, maybe you can help us. Look, we're trying to think of who we can get to play Santa Claus for the kids on Christmas Eve. Now, we want to get someone who looks and sounds like the real thing. I know just the man. Me? I shall be glad to portray Christopher Kringle. Christopher? Well, Donner, my Blitzen. Fine, Santa Claus, you'd make. I'd make an excellent one. I'm quite an actor, you know. Yes, indeed. I can see myself popping out of the chimney, sounding into the living room and saying, Ho, ho, ho, and a merry Christmas to you little kitties. And what do we, darling's desires, a eulogyd memento? Thank you, Tallulah Bankhead. Now, you'll do me a favor. Will you get lost in Dex? Go someplace and make a double entry. Check some books. Make some mistakes. Find something. Well, you don't want me to help you, I won't. No. I have to run along anyway. I have to meet my girlfriend at the taxidermist. I hope they did a good job on her. Imagine that little squirt play in Santa Claus. He couldn't impress me if he came in with a bag full of sponsors. Now, look, Billy, he may be small, but he might be all right. I wonder how he'd look in a fluffy white wig and beard. Like a short beard. Look, Alice, we've got to get somebody who's big and fat and who can cu... Hey, wait a minute. I got just the guy, Don Wilson. Oh, Don would be perfect. I'll call him right now and see if he can come over for Christmas. Oh, swell, honey. Well, the kids won't be disappointed. Santa will show up. You know, there's something wonderful about watching a kid on Christmas, waiting for Santa and listening for those jingle bells. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Passing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh. Or the fields we go, laughing all the way. Bells on Bob's Hill ring, they're making spirits bright. What fun it is to ride and sing a sleigh song tonight. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. But they are two ago, I thought I'd take a ride and so Miss Alice Faye was seated by my side. The horse was lean and like, this fortune seemed his lot. He got into a drifted bank and we, we got upset. Playing by the snow with a head, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Gee whiz, I hope Don can make it. He's going to be terrific as a Santa. Uh-oh, that must be Frankie. Hiya, Curly. Hiya, Frankie. Come on in. Yeah. Hey, you look pretty good, Waldo. What are you getting all them packages? Christmas presents. Got some things for the kids and Alice. And here's something for you, Curly. For me? Oh. You got a present for a little old Curly headed me? Yeah, I got you. Oh, Frankie. That's sweet of you. Oh, I don't know what to say. What's all right, Curly? But the thoughts. Oh, Frankie, you know how I appreciate it. It touches me deeply. You're going to get sloppy about it. I'll take it. Oh, I meant to tell you, she's inside calling Don Wilson. See, the kids want to see Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, so we're asking Don to play it. Why are you getting Don Wilson to play Santa? Well, what else am I going to do? Well, let him stay up and see the real Santa Claus. Yeah, but I don't know what time he's coming. Can I have that again, Herman? Why don't you let the kids see the real Santa Claus? You know, you better get some sleep, kid. See, you're another one of those cynics, huh? Wise guy who don't believe. You do? Of course. Just because you've never seen him don't mean he's not there. You must realize, Curly, there are some things in life that are inexplicable. There exists certain psychic phenomena that are ethereal and beyond the comprehension of we mere mortals. Don't you agree? Oh, and... Indomitably. You can take my word for it. The real guy will show up. Look, will you stop already, Remly? I'm in enough trouble. I'm trying to get a guy in your... All I gotta say is it's a good thing kids have more common sense and faith than some grown-ups. A Christmas wouldn't be much fun. I know that on Christmas Eve, old Saint Nick and his reindeer will come flying through the sky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you mind if we have somebody stand in in case he's grounded by a low fog over Burbank? If you will, I'll drop over Christmas Eve. Maybe then you'll sing a different tune. Goodbye, Infidel. Poor Remly. He ain't been the same since he switched to buttermilk. However, he said he has a lot of actor friends and he'll send one of them over. He said we'd have to pay the actor $10. So why? It'll be worth $10 to make the kids happy. Hey, honey, did Don say he could get someone positively? You know, this is very important. Now, Phil, Phil. Don promised, so stop worrying. It's still five days till Christmas Eve and if you keep this up, you'll drive yourself fatty. Now as we look in on the Harris home it's Christmas Eve. Phil is downstairs trimming the tree and impatiently awaiting the arrival of Santa. Alice is upstairs reassuring the children that he'll be there. Clark already in Santa isn't here yet. Gee, Mommy, do you think maybe he isn't coming? Now, now, don't fret, girls. Of course he's coming. You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. He's making a list of checking it twice. Gonna find out who's naughty and nice. Santa Claus is coming to town. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you're in bad or good so be good for goodness sake. Oh, you better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you're in bad or good so be good for goodness sake. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why. Hey, gee. Looks pretty good too. Now Santa only shows up. Phil, I was just upstairs with the children. Oh, honey, the tree looks beautiful. Yeah, ain't it? Hey, Alice, how are the kids? Are they impatient? They'll be all right. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas, Frankie. What do you got there? Milk and cookies for Santa Claus. I put them on the metal form every year. Milk and cookies? Yeah. I just put them here over the fireplace. Hey, where are the kids? They're upstairs waiting for Santa. When's the guy gonna show up? It's after 10 already. He's got a long trip from the North Pole. Besides, his reindeer ain't as young as they used to be in his sleigh. Keep quiet, will you? Paying the guy 10 bucks, you'd think he'd get here on time. The subterfuge is also unnecessary. Uh-oh, there it is. I'll let him in. I'll go with you, honey. Okay. Merry Christmas, Santa Claus. Oh, oh, oh. Merry Christmas, and where's my 10 dollars? Hey, Jackson, what are you doing here? Well, Don Wilson happened to mention that you were in the market for Santa Claus, and you were paying 10 dollars. So I thought that I... Jackson, since when do you have to go around playing Santa Claus for money? Phil, please. I'm not doing it just for the money. There are other reasons. I mean, I'm doing it because, uh... Well, there's, uh... Oh, I could go on naming reasons like that, or... Oh, Frankie, Merry Christmas. Huh. Don't Merry Christmas me, you imposter, you. Well, fine-looking Santa Claus. I think I look charming. Charming, he said. Where'd you get that messy red suit? It's got spots all over it. I rented it. The Santa Claus had it last year was a sloppy eater. Phil, how do you think I look? Like a bloodshot leopard. You look ridiculous. Get a load of that white beard. Where'd you rent that moth-eating thing? Oh, that I didn't rent. I was playing gin rummy with Monty Woolley, and I won it. Of course, if you people don't like me, a Santa Claus... Oh, pay no attention to these two, Jack. I think you make a wonderful Santa Claus, and you're worth what we're paying you. Phil, give Jack the 10 dollars. Okay, okay. Here you are, Jackson. Thanks. Little Phyllis will get a kick out of you. I'll go call Little Phyllis and Jack. Jack, try to convince her you're really Santa Claus, huh? Little Phyllis? Phil, I thought I was doing this for your benefit. I mean, if it's for Little Phyllis, I wouldn't think of taking money. No, no, no. It's okay, Jackson. A deal's a deal. Phil, please don't embarrass me. But, Jackson... I mean, for the kid, I wouldn't think of taking the 10 dollars. Well, if you insist... 750 is plenty. What kind of a heel do you think I am? It's mighty sweet of you, Jackson, to place Santa Claus for my two kids. Two kids? See, 750 each. No, no, I can't take any... I can't take any money at all for this. Tell you what, Phil, if you want her, you can buy me a little something for Christmas. Like what? Anything that Alice can afford. Okay, but now look, Jackson. It's up to you to make the kids think that you're Santa. This impersonation is preposterous. Santa Claus won't like this. Besides, you'll never be able to fool the kids. Oh, I don't know. Well, wait a minute now, Jackson. It'd be awful if you don't. If there was only some kid we could try it out on, just to see if we can't... Hey, where are you? I brought something for you. Uh-oh, that's Julius. Hey, everybody, that's Julius. That's just the kid we need. Come on in here, Julius, right in here. We're in here. Now, look, if you can fool him, Jackson, you can fool any kid. Don't worry, Phil. I'll just sit in this chair, and you watch his reaction when he sees me. Okay, Dad, I certainly hope... Are you honest? No, why? You left your... Don't you recognize me, Sonny? Well, I'll give you a hint. I'm that jolly old man with the white beard. Hey, Gabby Hayes, what's the matter with you? Don't you recognize Sandy Claus when you see him? Old Saint Nick. Let's just do this. Tell me what you want for Christmas, or I'll break every bone in your precious little mouth. Kids, kids, you can't class him as a kid. He's a wise guy. Besides, he's older than my kids, and when the girls come down, they won't know the difference. Jackson looks old enough to be... Oh, come on, come on, children. He's right in here. Well, there he is. Merry Christmas, and hello again. This is Sandy Claus talking. Come here, children, and tell me how you like old Santa. We like it fine. We picture you. Yes. What is it, my child? Oh, oh, oh. I am, little girl. After all, I'm Santa Claus, and I live for hundreds and hundreds of years. How old are you? 39. Now, here are your toys, girls. Thank you, Santa. Yeah, thanks. Well, I'll be seeing you next year. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. Up dancer, up prancer, up Donner and Blitzen. Ho, ho, ho. What did you think of Santa Claus? I... Why? I explained. When you kids knew it was Mr. Benny? Sure. You see, honey, he's... Well, he'll be here soon, kid. Oh, thank you. Look, kids, he may get here too late. So I'll tell you what, I'll tell you a Christmas story, and then you run off to bed, huh? So much to see. I know you did, and maybe you'll see him next year. Now, look, sit on my lap, and I'll tell you a beautiful Christmas story. You ready? It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The... I thought I heard sleigh bells. No. The children were nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced through their heads. Alice, Alice, what are those bells? What's that? Shh! Quiet, truly. But Merry Christmas, Santa. Frankie, who are you talking to? I don't see anybody. The kids do. Look out. She sent us with an email. We were waiting just for you. Oh, sure, we've been very good girls. Things are for me. Can I open them now? We'll wait till morning. You too, Santa. Of course, we'll tell them. Merry Christmas and goodbye, Santa. I told you to show up, Curly. I don't get it. I heard it, but I didn't see him. Of course you didn't. He sure is nice looking, old gent. Alice, did... did you see him? I'm not sure, Phil. I almost thought I saw him standing by the fireplace. But, Alice, how could it be if he was standing there by... Phil, what are you staring at? The mantle. Alice. The milk. And cookies. They're gone. Alice will be back in just a moment. But now, here's your Rexall family druggist. Speaking is another stand-in for Santa Claus. Yes, friends, there are 10,000 such stand-ins for Santa this week. 10,000 independent Rexall druggists who are ready, willing and able to take the rush and worry out of your last-minute Christmas shopping. You see, we've seen to it that our stores are filled with beautiful, distinctive, sure-to-please gifts. For the home, for the children, for the entire family. Gifts, it's a pleasure to choose economical to buy. So look for the store with the orange and blue Rexall sign in the window. This week, it's headquarters for quick, easy, last-minute Christmas shopping. Merry Christmas to all from Rexall. Willis, Alice, look, children, Santa said something to you and you said, yes, we'll tell him. What did he say? He told us to be sure and wish you and mommy a merry Christmas. Now, wasn't that sweet of him? Now, girls, you're all tucked in. You've seen Santa and you have everything you want. So go right to sleep. Good night. Good night. Good night, babies. Yes, dear? Go to sleep! Ladies and gentlemen, this is Phil Harris. The Rexall Drug Company, Alice and I, and our entire cast, want to thank you so much for listening to our show and wish you the best Christmas you've ever had. Merry Christmas, folks. And our grateful thanks to our pal, Jack Benny, for being with us. Thank you, Jackson. Good night, everybody. The Christmas seals you buy once a year will help protect you from tuberculosis all the year. Use Christmas seals generously. This is Bill Foreman wishing good health to all. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.