 Hi, it's Bridget. Welcome to Sunday Morning Coffee with Bridget. Today is a special edition. I know you're gonna get this later in the day because I'm recording it on Sunday. It happens to be the 19th of September. This is a really special day. I am actually out of town. My oldest child, my daughter and I came down on a road trip about three hours south for a family weekend at college. I have a freshman son that is in college and it's a family weekend. So we came down to visit and I am here on the 19th of September, which also happens to be his 19th birthday. So I don't know if all you know what a golden birthday is, but I'm gonna educate you. So it's his golden birthday. So he is 19 today and the date is 19. So what we do in our family for their golden birthday, we've had two already, my two youngest, and what we do is, so this is the third one that we've had, we give them golden dollars because you got to give him some gold, right? So we just give them golden dollars. And so I did that already the other day kind of by accident because he got in my car to go some place and he actually sat on the little pouch that had the golden dollars in it and he's like, what's this? Yes! I'm like, ooh, happy birthday early! So so it's a special day for me. And yes, I know we just celebrated the 20th anniversary. I shouldn't say celebrated, that's probably not the best choice of word, but we just honored a memory, collective memory here in the United States with the 20th anniversary of 9-11. And so yes, to answer your next question, if you do the math, this child was born a year and a week after 9-11. So all those crop of souls that went flying out that day, left the earth that day, many, many came back in. Do you remember the huge birth boom? Oh my gosh, we had so many challenges trying to find daycare, trying to, like the class sizes were huge for his class. It was such a big deal because there was a huge baby boom because people really started to think about what mattered and how precious life was and all people wanted was to have life. And a baby, a child, a young person kind of represents that for many of us, right? It's this instinctual thing that pops up and people change their lives after that day. Even if they weren't directly impacted or there or near there or lost someone directly, collectively there was a huge impact. And so there was also this need for these souls to have homes again, to be reincarnated for those who chose to do that. And so this day, this is golden birthday, and we're celebrating that. And it's also family weekend. He's been away at college for about a month and so we've been doing the whole family stuff and I've been dragged around campus and done all the walking tour stuff and went to all the shops and went to this really cool part, this historic downtown part, which is like my favorite part ever. And I loved it down there. And I actually met up with a friend for dinner last night who lives about 25 minutes from here where I'm at. So I was able to have dinner with a wonderful friend and oh my gosh, had a really good experience. We had a really good experience. And I had gelato. You guys, I had gelato. Do you have any idea how much I love gelato? I love gelato, but I can't. It's like so creamy and dairy that I don't usually do that because my body doesn't love that. But I had blueberry gelato and it was dairy free. And I was so happy and it was so good that I think I want to go back today and have more. It was so good, so good. So today, for our topic, I want to talk about loving others as well as loving ourselves in such a way that we are free. Now, I may have spoken about this before on my Fairy Grasshopper YouTube channel or maybe even referenced it in a Sunday Morning Coffee episode a few weeks back, potentially. About a month or so ago, I saw this quote on social media, this phrase about love someone in such a way that they feel free. And I was so moved by that, so touched by it. I wrote it in my journal. I felt like I want this to be my mantra. I want this to be my mantra. I want to live this way. I want to love this way. I want to move through life this way. And I don't just want it in my expression for love for others. I want it for myself first. I want to be loved in such a way that I feel free. And so the question for me then became, how am I not doing that? Like I am not kidding. I'm serious here, people. What if, and we know that we are all doing this, we have ways that we hold ourselves back. We have ways that we hurt ourselves over and over again. We have ways that we restrict our choices and our options. We have ways that we will not let ourselves dream or we will not let ourselves think about the dream we had 20 years ago because I'm too old or it's too expensive or I can't do that now. It doesn't make sense for me. We've talked ourselves out of so much. We've talked ourselves out of so much. It's time to start talking ourselves into so much more. So I had to get real with myself and it's not a one-time event or an experience. It is a consistent question that I can ask myself. How can I love in such a way that I feel free? How can I love others and my relationships, especially with my children? This has been something I've been working on for the last year. In evolving my relationships with my children as they are growing up and getting older and having to experience their own lives and loving them in such a way that they feel free is so important to me and I've been doing that especially with my son when he went to college because we're pretty close and we've had lots of kitchen talks and when something's bothering him he'll message me or he'll call me and say I just want to talk, mom, kind of a thing and we'll just talk through stuff. It's just how we are. He's not a super chatty person. He does not ultra social all the time. He's pretty much an internal thinker and that kind of thing but when he came away to college he discovered who he was because he didn't have any of his past. He didn't have when when I was in kindergarten with you and you pushed me down on the playground scenario or oh you're so and so sister kind of scenario he just could be himself and he opened up like came totally out of a shell super super like has this really sweet friend group people that actually are good people like not crazy bad influence kind of people he has some really good like his roommate is great and some of the guys that he's befriended are really good and some of the the girls that he's met are really kind and I mean he's got a decent I'm like wow I'm super kind of impressed with this like I'm very impressed actually I'm like how does this work like when I was in college we did really stupid things like seriously I get that it was like however many years ago let's just say 20 plus okay let's just be really generous with Bridget right now and say 20 plus years ago we were stupid we did really stupid and I know that they do not the smartest things either but my point is is these feel like good people and he feels happy and I love that and I haven't been calling him and I haven't been texting him and I just check in every couple days and I'll send him a message and you know send him like a gift card for Starbucks coffee or something and say hey go have a coffee on me today or um free need something you know like I said to him a pair of shoes because I knew he really liked these one shoes and it's this whole thing and I'm like okay who would have thought that my oldest boy would be my fashionista but a little bit so I send him these shoes and he was like oh thanks like really super grateful and that was fun little things right and and yet it's not at all painful like the letting go with him has not been painful because he's so embracing the experience and life is about experience and I know that I believe it wholeheartedly and so I have loved him in such a way that he feels free and let me tell you he struggled when he was little we had a lot of stuff you guys a lot ups and downs and to get to this point and to release and trust the universe to hold my baby and to watch him not stay in one place but to just open up those wings and seriously soar I'm like wow wow so now what about me how am I not soaring what parts of my life am I not letting myself be free I'm too f and old to not be free and you're too young to not be free we are prisoners of our minds and our thoughts we hold ourselves back based on something somebody said to us one time that stuck in us that isn't even true it might not even be true for you today it might not have been true for you back then it doesn't matter what about today here now how can you love yourself in such a way that you feel free so for me the awareness of this is profound and it's powerful is so powerful so instead of thinking about how other people are going to respond to the choices I make like so here's a story so the same kid that I'm visiting right now let's just say I don't know how this happened but I have a conservative child like not liberal very conservative child and I who remembers me with long hair and who likes my long hair he still refers back to when my mom had really long hair I'm like dude that was like 15 it's like 10 years ago you know and it just keeps getting shorter and shorter and I like shave it on the sides almost it's like really clipper cut short on the sides and then kind of pull it back up on the top and that kind of thing and he doesn't like it and I know that and and at the same time my daughter even says that too she's like mom can you do something about your hair and I'm like excuse me what I am too old to be listening to fashion advice hair advice or image advice from a 20 and a 19 year old that that's not going to happen I said so regardless of what they project on me or don't like you know like I think my I know my son would prefer that I was a little more conservative versus liberal and by that I mean like I'm gonna wear my hair the way I want to I do I look like a typical mom whatever you know with my however moms look you know like soccer mom ish no I didn't even look like that when I was a soccer mom so I don't know what the problem is but anyway my point is I know that they don't like necessarily how I present sometimes just in my physical appearance because I stick out let's be honest you guys have seen me right like I have really white hair it's platinum blonde it's legit platinum blonde I do not dye my hair or color it I just look different I kind of stand out a little bit and my son and I happen to look very much alike and so my point is I'm very aware of their non-approval these two and yet at the same time I'm like how can I love myself in such a way that I feel free oh yeah I can do whatever the heck I want with my hair or my clothing or whatever because guess what that's my choice you choose your stuff I choose my stuff okay okay there we go so it's such a strange story I'm sure you guys too if you have kids you you know that you embarrass your kids whether you're too mom like or too dad like or have a dad bod or aren't the cool parent that wears the certain kind of brands or something I don't know I'm really not into that stuff so I don't really know I just wear what I want to wear and what is comfortable the colors that I like and wear my hair the way I want to and that kind of thing and I stay out loud to them I remind them that well this is my choice this is how I feel good this makes me feel good this is me this is who I am and I love myself like this is great this is who I am I'm not gonna dumb myself down or dull myself down or try to conform myself to society expectations or to her to your expectations or your needs because this won't make you feel better about yourself the way I look that doesn't make sense you need to feel good about the way you look and not care about how other people look if you're spending too much time looking at others or comparing or judging what you're really doing is trying to avoid judging yourself what you're judging and others you judge in yourself what you dislike and others there is a trigger for you underneath that that there is a dislike in that for yourself it might be the opposite piece but it is there and I promise you that and so this information gives you a new perspective and how to love more love doesn't mean just give everybody freely love it means to recognize that the expansion of love and the lens of love is not about confinement or definition or identity it's about freedom and expression and wholeness and knowing yourself so much inside giving yourself that freedom and space inside to grow and evolve and change I didn't always wear my hair like this I had really long hair beautiful long blonde hair and that was me at one point in my life and very reflective of who I was at the time and it was beautiful and it was fine and I don't hate that I'm just at a different place in my life and I feel differently and I choose to express in a different way I still feel just as beautiful as I felt then in fact probably more so now because I am sourced at my core from my center loving myself in such a way that I feel free and do I have to be accountable to other people there might be because I might have relationships like with my children that I have to show up for like coming to family weekend wasn't really a fan of that because I'm like not really into the whole big everybody's in a crowd and nobody's wearing their masks or anything it's a kind of a conservative place let's say that and it just doesn't feel ultra comfortable all the time walking around like I wear my mask because that's just how I am like I want to be extra healthy and stuff and I don't mind if other people don't but literally nobody is nobody and there's like that whole viral thing that there's cases like all over the dang place so I don't know but so it feels weird like being in really crowded places right now it's only been like a year and a half since we've kind of dealt with all that stuff and been working through that stuff and it's like literally it's weird it's a little weird okay but I am here and I'm showing up and I'm participating and I'm trusting the process and I'm being healthy and I'm not worrying about it I'm not worried about that other stuff I'm just showing up and so that's a way that I'm loving that's a way that I'm letting myself be free to be present and to be present in a way that feels good to me that honors me but also honors my relationships with my children honors my relationship with my son honors my relationship with my daughter because those are who I'm with this weekend so yeah that's where I'm at yeah so I hope that you can feel into this this message this conversation today and find a bit of inspiration for yourself this is not a one-time thing this is not an event this is enough switch that you flip this is a lifestyle loving ourselves it's not like a magic thing that you all of a sudden discover and it's just always there it's a relationship and relationships are the key to our life experience and our expression so show up for yourself and allow yourself be willing to love yourself regardless of the past to be in the present as a fresh new day a fresh new start a new opportunity to find love again with yourself and then through your expressions and your relationships just remind yourself don't hold on so tight loosen up a little bit let go a little bit because love needs that freedom because if it doesn't have it it could die you could crush it in your hand you have to be able to breathe and so too does love love needs breathing room it needs the ability to have distance and to miss the other person and to let each of you be individual and have your own hobbies interests and friends and experiences so that you can then come back together and share all the fun exciting new things that you've discovered about yourself because of the other environments you've been in whether it be at work whether it be at that volleyball team on the volleyball team whether it be um some project or something that you're working on like a community service project etc whatever that might be it's so beautiful then you have somebody you can go back to in relationship whether it be friendship or romantic partnership etc and share with your experiences like that's what my kids do to me they share with me they can't wait to tell me the stuff that's going on and it's too much stuff i'm like too tmi too much information i do not we're at a college campus i do not need to know what freshmen do and the i have been a freshman i have been there mom is and i have to remind my two children and that are in front of me walking when we're walking on the street having a very open conversation i said excuse me excuse me mom is here mom can hear you mom can hear you and my daughter turns back she goes mom it's okay we know it's just you it's totally fine i'm like no no no no there are things moms do not need to know i love you in such a way that you are free that doesn't mean everything you do is okay no no oh my gosh all the parents are laughing because they know exactly what i'm talking about anyway i'm i'm hoping that you find some encouragement today in this sunday morning coffee episode it's been my pleasure to be able to connect with you and share with you as i'm waiting to go visit my kid when he gets up and wakes up on his birthday give him a great big hug wow i can't imagine i can't wait to see what the next 20 years is gonna bring for him and unfold for him and oh my gosh i'm gonna totally have like grandkids said oh my gosh my life is so good in so many ways i'm gonna continue to love in such a way that the people i love feel free and so that i am free this is bridget thank you so much for listening to sunday morning coffee with bridget i hope i've inspired your spirit and filled you with hope today this is your life after all this is your life and you get to live it just live it