 volume 2 chapter 7 of Cecilia. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Cecilia, Memoirs of Inheros by Francis Burney, volume 2 chapter 7 an examination. Cecilia found Mrs. Harrell eagerly waiting to hear some account how she had passed the morning and fully persuaded that she would leave the Tellwiles with a determination never more but by necessity to see them. She was therefore not only surprised but disappointed when instead of fulfilling her expectations she assured her that she had been delighted with Mrs. Tellwiles whose engaging qualities amply recompensed her for the arrogance of her husband that her visit had no fault but that of being too short and that she had already appointed an early day for repeating it. Mrs. Harrell was evidently hurt by this praise and Cecilia who perceived among all her guardians a powerful disposition to hatred and jealousy soon dropped the subject. Though so much had she been charmed with Mrs. Tellwiles that a scheme of removal once more occurred to her not withstanding her dislike of her stately guardian. At dinner as usual they were joined by Sir Robert Fleuer who grew more and more assidious in his attendance but who this day contrary to his general custom of remaining with the gentleman made his exit before the ladies left the table and as soon as he was gone Mr. Harrell desired a private conference with Cecilia. They went together to the drawing room where after a flourishing preface upon the merits of Sir Robert Fleuer he formally acquainted her that he was commissioned by that gentleman to make her a tender of his heart and fortune. Cecilia who had not much reason to be surprised at this overture desired him to tell the Baronet she was obliged to him for the honor he intended her at the same time that she absolutely declined receiving it. Mr. Harrell laughing told her this answer was very well for a beginning though it could by no means serve beyond the first day of the declaration but when Cecilia showed him she should formally adhere to it he remonstrated with equal surprise and discontent upon the reasons of her refusal. She thought it's sufficient to tell him that Sir Robert did not please her but with much railery he denied the assertion credit assuring her that he was universally admired by the ladies that she could not possibly receive a more honorable offer and that he was reckoned by everybody the finest gentleman about the town. His fortune he added was equally unexceptionable with his figure and his rank in life all the world he was certain would approve the connection and the settlement made upon her should be dictated by herself. Cecilia begged him to be satisfied with an answer which she never could change and to spare her the enumeration of particular objections since Sir Robert was holy and in every respect disagreeable to her. What then cried he could make you so frightened for him at the opera house there has been but one opinion about town ever since of your preposition in his favor I'm extremely concerned to hear it my fright was but the effect of surprise and belonged not more to Sir Robert than to Mr. Belfay's. He told her that nobody else thought the same that her marriage with the Baronet was universally expected and in conclusion not with standing her earnest desire that he would instantly and explicitly inform Sir Robert of her determination he repeatedly refused to give him any final answer till she had taken more time for consideration. Cecilia was extremely displeased at this exhumed opportunity and still more chagrin to find her unconscious emotion at the opera house had given rise to suspicions of her harboring a partiality for a man whom every day she more heartily disliked while she was deliberating in what manner she could clear up this mistake which after she was left alone occupied all her thoughts she was interrupted by the entrance of Mr. Moncton whose joy in meeting her at length by herself exceeded not her own for charmed as he was that he could now examine into the state of her affairs she was not less delighted that she could make them known to him after mutual expressions God did have were on the part of Mr. Moncton though unreserved on that of Cecilia of their satisfaction in being again able to converse as in former times he asked if she would permit him as the privilege of their long acquaintance to speak to her with sincerity she assured him she could not more applies her let me then said he inquire if yet that ardent confidence in your own steadiness which so much disdained my fears that the change of your residence might produce a change in your sentiments is still as unshaken as when we parted in Suffolk or whether experience that for to unpracticed refinement has already taught you the fallibility of theory when I assure you replied Cecilia that your inquiry gives me no pain I think I have sufficiently answered it for where I conch use of any alteration it could not but embarrassed and distressed me very far however from finding myself in the danger with which you threatened me of forgetting burry it's inhabitants and its environs I think with pleasure of little else since London instead of bewy chain has greatly disappointed me how so cried mr. Monk and much delighted not answered she in itself not in its magnificence nor in its diversions which seem to be inexhaustible but these though copious as instruments of pleasure are very shallow as source of happiness the disappointment therefore comes near a home and springs not from London but from my own situation is that then disagreeable to you you shall yourself judge when I have told you that from the time of my quitting your house till this very moment when I have again the happiness of talking with you I've never once had any conversation society or intercourse in which friendship or affection have had any share or my mind has had the least interest she then entered into a detail of her way of life told him how a little suited to her taste was the unbounded dissipation of the Harrells and feelingly expatiated upon the disappointment you had received from the alteration in manners and conduct of her young friend in her she continued had I found the companion I came prepared to meet the companion from whom I had so lately parted and in whose society I expected to find consolation for the loss of yours and Mrs. Charlton's I should have complained of nothing the very places that now tire might have entertained me and all that now passes for unmeaning dissipation might then have worn the appearance of variety and pleasure but where the mind is wholly without interest everything is languid and insipid and accustomed as I have long been to think friendship the first of human blessings and social converse the greatest of human enjoyments however can I reconcile myself to a state of careless indifference to making acquaintance without any concern either for preserving or esteeming them and to going on from day to day in an eager search of amusement with no companion for the hours of retirement and no view beyond that of passing the present moment in apparent gait and thoughtlessness Mr. Moncton who heard these complaints with secret rapture far from seeking to soften or remove used his utmost endeavours to strengthen and increase them by artfully retracing her former way of life and pointing out with added censures the change in it she had been lately compelled to make a change he continued which though runeous of your time and detrimental to your happiness use will I fear familiarize and familiarity renders pleasant these suspicions sir said Cecilia modify me greatly and why when far from finding me pleased you hear nothing but refining should you still continue to harbor them because your trial has yet been too short to prove your firmness and because there is nothing to which time cannot contently customers I feel not much fear said Cecilia of standing such a test as might fully satisfy you but nevertheless not to be too presumptuous I have by no means exposed myself to all the dangers which you think surround me for off late I have spent almost every evening at home and by myself this intelligence was to Mr. Moncton a surprise the most agreeable he could receive I just taste for them usements which are offered her greatly relieved his fears of her forming any alarming connection and the discovery that while so anxiously he had sought her everywhere in public she had quietly passed her time by her own fireside not only reassured him for the present but gave him information where he might meet with her in future he then talked of the dual solicitously led her to speak openly of Sir Robert Fleuer and here too his satisfaction was entire he found her dislike of him such as his knowledge of her disposition made him expect and she wholly removed his suspicions concerning her anxiety about the quarrel by explaining to him her apprehensions of having occasioned it herself from accepting the civility of Mr. Belfeld at the very moment she shewed her aversion to receiving that of Sir Robert neither did her confidence rest here she acquainted him with the conversation she had just had with Mr. Harrell and begged his advice in what manner she might secure herself from future importunity Mr. Moncton had now a new subject for his discernment everything had confirmed to him the passion which Mr. Annott had conceived for Cecilia and he had therefore concluded the interest of the Harrells would be all in his favor other ideas now struck him he found that Mr. Annott was given up for Sir Robert and he determined carefully to watch the motions both of the baronet and her young guardian in order to discover the nature of their plans and connection meantime convinced by her unaffected aversion to the proposals she had received that she was at present in no danger from the league he suspected he merely advised her to persevere in manifesting a calm repungeance to their solicitations which could not fail before long to disheartened them both but sir cried Cecilia I now fear this man as much as I dislike him for his late fairness and brutality though they have increased my disgust make me dread to shoe it I'm impatient therefore to have done with him and to see him no more and for this purpose I wish to quit the house of Mr. Harrell where he has access at his pleasure you can wish nothing more judiciously cried he would you then return into the country that is not yet in my power I'm obliged to recite with one of my guardians today I have seen Mrs. Del Weil and Mrs. Del Weil interrupted Mr. Moncton in a voice of astonishment surely you do not think of removing into that family what can I do so well Mrs. Del Weil is a charming woman and her conversation would afford me more entertainment and instruction in a single day than under this roof I should obtain in a 12 month are you serious do you really think of making such a change I really wish it but I know not yet if it is practicable on thirsty however I am to dine with her and then if it is in my power I will hint to her my desire and can miss Beverly possibly wish cried mr. Moncton with earnestness to recite in such a house is not Mr. Del Weil the most ostentatious hotty and self-sufficient of men is not his wife the proudest of women and is not the whole family odious to all the world you amazed me cried Cecilia surely that cannot be their general character mr. Del Weil indeed deserves all the censure he can meet for his where is some parade of superiority but his lady by no means merits to be included in the same reproach I have spent this whole morning with her and though I waited upon her with the strong prejudice in her disfavor I observed in her no pride that exceeded the bounds of propriety and native dignity have you often been at the house do you know the Sun too I have seen him three or four times and what do you think of him I hardly know enough of him to judge fairly but what does he seem to you do you not perceive and him already all the arrogance all the contemptuous insolence of his father oh no far from it indeed his mind seems to be liberal and noble open to impressions of merit and eager to honor and promote it you are much interceived you have been reading your own mind and though you had read his I would advise you sedulously to avoid the whole family you will find all intercourse with them irksome and comfortless such as the father appears at once the wife and the son will in a few more meetings appear also they are descended from the same stock and inherit the same self complacency mr. delville married his cousin and each of them instigates the other to believe that all birth and rank would be at an end in the world if their own superb family had not a promise of support from their hopeful motima should you precipitately settle yourself in their house you would very soon be totally weighed down by their united insolence Cecilia again and warmly attempted to defend them but mr. montan was so positive in his assertions and so significant in his insinuations to their discredit that she was at length persuaded she had judged too hastily and after thanking him for his counsel promised not to take any measures towards a removal without his advice this was all he desired and now enlivened by finding that his influence with her was unimpaired and that her heart was yet her own he seized his exhortations and turned to the discourse to subject more gay and general judiciously cautious neither by tedious admonitions to disgust nor by fretful solitude to alarm her he did not quit her till the evening was far advanced and then in returning to his own house felt all his anxieties and disappointments recompensed by the comfort this long and satisfactory conversation had afforded him while Cecilia jammed with having spent the morning with her new acquaintances and the evening with her old friend retired to rest better pleased with the disposal of her time than she had yet been since her journey from sufflock end of chapter seven volume two chapter eight of Cecilia this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Cecilia, Memorials of Inheris by Francis Burney volume two chapter eight or tita-tita the two following days had neither event nor disturbance except some little vexation occasioned by the behavior of Sir Robert Flawyer who still appeared not to entertain any doubt of the success of his addresses this impertinent confidence she could only attribute to the officious encouragement of Mr. Harrell and therefore she determined rather to seek than to avoid an explanation with him but she had in the meantime the satisfaction of hearing from Mr. Arnott who ever eager to oblige her was frequent in his inquiries that Mr. Belfield was almost entirely recovered on Thursday according to her appointment she again went to St. James's Square and being shewn into the drawing room till dinner was ready found there only young Mr. Delwyne after some general conversation he asked her how lately she had had any news of Mr. Belfield this morning she answered when I had the pleasure of hearing he was quite recovered have you seen him again sir yes madam twice and did you think him almost well I thought answered he with some hesitation and I think still that your inquiries ought to be his cure oh cried Cecilia I hope he has far better medicines but I'm afraid have been misinformed for I see you do not think him better you must not you must not however replied he blame those messengers whose artifice has only had your satisfaction in view nor should I be so malignant as to blast their designs if I did not fear that Mr. Belfield's actual safety might be endangered by your continual deception what deception sir I don't at all understand you how is his safety endangered ah madam said he's smiling what danger indeed is there that any man would not risk to give birth to such solicitude Mr. Belfield however I believe is in none from which a command of yours cannot rescue him then were I in hard hearted damsel indeed not to issue it but if my commands are so medicinal pray instruct me how to administer them you must order him to give up for the present his plan of going into the country where he can have no assistance and where his wound must be dressed only by a common servant and to remain quietly in town tell his surgeon pronounces that he may travel without any hazard but is he seriously so mad as to intent leaving town without the consent of its surgeon nothing less than such an intention could have induced me to under see you with respect to his recovery but indeed I'm no friend to those artifices which purchase present relief by future misery I venture therefore to speak to you the simple truth that by a timely exertion of your influence you may prevent further evil I know not sir said Cecilia with the utmost surprise why you should suppose I have any such influence nor can I imagine that any deception has been practiced it is possible and 30 I may have been too much alarmed but in such a case as this no information ought to be depended upon but that of a surgeon you madam may probably know his opinion me no indeed I never saw his surgeon I know not even who he is I propose calling upon him tomorrow morning will miss Beverly permit me afterwards the honor of communicating to her what may pass I thank you sir said she coloring very high but my impatience is by no means so great as to occasion my giving you that trouble Delville perceiving her change of countenance instantly and with much respect and treated her pardon for the proposal which however she had no sooner granted than he said very archly why indeed you have not much right to be angry since it was your own frankness that excited mine and thus you find like most other culprits I'm ready to cast the blame of the offense upon the offended I feel however an incessant propensity to do service to Mr. Belfield shall I sin quite beyond forgiveness if I venture to tell you how I found him situated this morning no certainly if you wish I can have no objection I found him then surrounded by a set of gay young men who by way of keeping up his spirits made him laugh and talk without teasing he assured me himself that he was perfectly well and intended to gallop out of town tomorrow morning though when I shook hands with him at parting I was both shocked and alarmed to feel by the burning heat of the skin that far from discarding his surgeon he ought rather to call in a physician I'm very much concerned to hear this account said Cecilia but I do not well understand what you mean should on my part follow it that answered he bowing with the look of mock gravity I pretend not to settle in stating the case I have satisfied my consigns and if in hearing it you can pardon the liberty I have taken I shall as much honor the openness of your character as I admire that of your countenance Cecilia now to her no little astonishment found she had the same mistake to clear up at present concerning Mr. Belfield that only three days before she had explained with respect to the baronet but she had no time to speak further upon the subject as the entrance of Mrs. Delville put an end to their discourse that lady received her with the most distinguishing kindness apologised for not sooner waiting upon her and repeatedly declared that nothing but in disposition should have prevented her returning the favor of her first visit there was soon after summoned to dinner Mr. Delville to the infinite joy of Cecilia was out the day was spent greatly to her satisfaction there was no interruption from visitors she was tormented by the discussion of no disagreeable subjects the dual was not mentioned the antagonists were not hinted at she was seized with no self-sufficient encouragement and varied with no modifying affability the conversation at once was lively and rational and though general was rendered interesting by a reciprocation of goodwill and pleasure in the conversers the favorable opinion she had conceived both of the mother and the son this long visit served to confirm in Mrs. Delville she found strong sense quick parts and high breeding in Mortimer sincerity and vivacity joined with softness and elegance and in both there seemed the most liberal admiration of talents with an openness of heart that disdained all disguise greatly pleased with their manners and struck with all that was apparent in their characters she much regretted the prejudice of Mr. Moncton which now with the promise she had given him was all that opposed her making an immediate effort towards a change in her abode she did not take her leave till 11 o'clock when mrs. Delville after repeatedly thanking her for her visit said she would not so much encroach upon her good nature as to request another till she had waited upon her in return but added that she meant very speedily to pay that death in order to enable herself by friendly and frequent meetings to enter upon the confidential commission with which her guardian had entrusted her Cecilia was pleased with the delicacy which gave rise to this forbearance yet having in fact nothing either to relate or conceal she was rather sorry than glad at the delay of an explanation since she found the whole family was in an error with respect to the situation of her affairs end of chapter 8 volume 3 chapter 1 of Cecilia this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Cecilia Memories of an Errors by Fanny Burney volume 3 chapter 1 an application Cecilia upon her return home heard with some surprise that Mr. and Mrs. Harrow were by themselves in the drawing room and while she was upon the stairs Mr. Harrow ran out calling eagerly is that my brother before she could make an answer Mr. Harrow in the same impatient tone exclaimed is it Mr. Arnaud no said Cecilia did you expect him so late expect him yes answered Mr. Harrow I have expected him the whole evening and cannot conceive what he has done with himself it is abominably provoking said Mrs. Harrow that he should be out of the way just now when he's wanted however I dare say tomorrow will do as well I don't know that pride Mr. Harrow Reeves is such a wretch that I am sure he will give me all the trouble in his power here Mr. Arnaud entered and Mrs. Harrow called out our brother we have been distressed for you cruelly we have had a man here who has plagued Mr. Harrow to death and we wanted you sadly to speak to him I should have been very glad Mr. Arnaud to have been of any use and perhaps it is not yet too late who is the man oh cried Mr. Harrow carelessly only a fellow that from that rascally Taylor who has been so troublesome to me lately he has had the impudence because I did not pay him the moment he was pleased to want his money to put the bill into the hands of one Reeves a griping attorney who has been here this evening and thought proper to talk to me pretty freely I can tell the gentleman I shall not easily forget the impudence however I really wish meantime I could get rid of him how much is the bill sir said Mr. Arnaud why it's rather around some but I don't know how it is once bills mount up before one is aware those fellows charged such confounded sums for tape and buckram I hardly know what I have had of him and yet he has run me up a bill of between three and four hundred pound here there was a general silence till Mrs. Harrow said brother can't you be so good as to lend us the money Mr. Harrow says he can pay it again very soon oh yes very soon said Mr. Harrow for I shall receive a great deal of money in a little time I only want to stop this fellow's mouth for the present I suppose I go and talk with him said Mr. Arnaud oh he's a brute a stock cried Mr. Harrow nothing but the money will satisfy him he will hear no reason one might as well talk to a stone Mr. Arnaud now looked extremely distressed but upon his sisters warmly pressing him not to lose any time he gently said if this person will but wait a week or two I should be extremely glad for really just now I cannot take up so much money without such particular loss and inconvenience that I hardly know how to do it but yet if he will not be appeased he must certainly have it appeased cried Mr. Harrow you might as well appease the sea in a storm he is hard as iron Mr. Arnaud then forcing a smile though evidently in much uneasiness said he would not fail to raise the money the next morning and was taking his leave when Cecilia shocked that such tenderness and good nature should be thus grossly imposed upon hastily begged to speak with Mrs. Harrow and taking her into another room said I beseech you my dear friend let not your worthy brother suffer by his generosity permit me in the present exigence to assist Mr. Harrow my having such a some advance can be of no consequence but I should grieve indeed that your brother who saw nobly understands the use of money should take it up at any particular disadvantage you are vastly kind said Mrs. Harrow and I will run and speak to them about it but whichever of you lends the money Mr. Harrow has assured me he shall pay it very soon she then returned with the proposition Mr. Arnaud strongly opposed it but Mr. Harrow seemed rather to prefer it yet spoke so confidently of his speedy payment that he appeared to think in a matter of little importance from which he accepted it a generous contest ensued between Mr. Arnaud and Cecilia but as she was very earnest she had length prevailed and settled to go herself the next morning into the city in order to have the money advanced by Mr. Briggs who had the management of her fortune entirely to himself her other guardians never interfering in the executive part of her affairs this arranged they all retired and then with increasing astonishment Cecilia reflected upon the ruinous levity of Mr. Harrow and the blind security of his wife she saw in their situation danger the most alarming and in the behavior of Mr. Harrow selfishness the most excusable such glaring injustice to his creditors such utter insensibility to his friends took from her all wish of assisting him though the indignant compassion with which she saw the easy generosity of Mr. Arnaud so frequently abused had now for his sake merely induced her to relieve him she resolved however as soon as the present difficulty was surmounted to make another attempt to open the eyes of Mrs. Harrow to the evils which so apparently threatened her and press her to exert all her influence with her husband by means both of example and advice to retrench his expenses before it should be absolutely too late to save him from ruin she determined also at the same time that she applied for the money requisite for this debt to take up enough for discharging her own bill at the booksellers and putting an execution her plan of assisting the hills the next morning she arose early and attended by her servant set out for the house of Mr. Briggs purposing as the weather was clear and frosty to walk through oxford road and then put herself into a chair and hoping to return to Mr. Harrow's by the usual hour of breakfast she had not proceeded far before she saw a mob gathering in the windows of almost all her houses filling with spectators she desired her servant to inquire what this meant and was informed that the people were assembling to see some male factors passed by on their way to Tyburn alarmed at this intelligence from the fear of meeting the unhappy criminals she hastily turned dine next street but found that also filling with people who were running to the scene she was trying to avoid and circled thus every way she applied to a maid servant who was standing at the door of a large house and begged leave to step in till the mob was gone by they made immediately consented and she waited here while she sent her man for a chair he soon arrived with one but just as she returned to the street door a gentleman who was hastily entering the house standing back to let her pass suddenly exclaimed Miss Beverly and looking at him she perceived young devil I cannot stop an instant cried she running down the steps lest the crowd should prevent the chair from going on will you not first said he handing her in tell me what news you have heard news repeated she know I have heard none you will only then laugh at me for those officious offers you did so well to reject I know not what offers you mean they were indeed superfluous and therefore I wonder not you have forgotten them shall I tell the chairman whether to go to mr. Briggs but I cannot imagine what you mean Mr. Briggs repeated he oh live forever French beads and Bristol stones fresh offers may perhaps be made there impertinent officious and useless as mine he then told her servant the direction and making his bow went into the house she had just quit it Cecilia extremely amazed by the short but unintelligible conversation would again have called upon him to explain his meaning but found the crowd increasing so fast that she could not venture to detain the chair which with difficulty made its way to the adjoining streets but her surprise at what had passed so entirely occupied her that when she stopped at this house of mr. Briggs she had almost forgotten what her brother did her the foot boy who came to the door told her that his master was at home but not well she desired he might be acquainted that she wished to speak to him upon business and would wait upon him again at any hour when he thought he should be able to see her the boy returned with an answer that she might call again the next week Cecilia knowing that so long a delay would destroy all the kindness of her intention determined to write to him for the money and therefore went into the parlor and desired to have been an ink the boy after making her wait some time in a room without any fire brought her a pen and a little ink in a broken teacup saying master begs you own spirit and about for he's got no more and all our blackings as good as gone blacking reputed Cecilia yes miss when master's shoes are blacked we commonly get a little drop of fresh ink Cecilia promised to be careful but desired him to fetch her a sheet of paper law miss cried the boy with a grin i dare say master had soon give you a bit of his nose however i'll go ask in the few minutes he again returned and brought in his hand a slate and a black lead pencil miss cried he master says how you may write upon this for he supposes you've no great matters to say Cecilia much astonished at this extreme parsimony was obliged to consent but as the point of the pencil was very blunt desired the boy to get her a knife that she might cut it he obeyed but said pray miss take care meant no for master don't do such a thing once in a year and if he'd known i got you the knife he'd go night to give me a good pull to the head Cecilia then wrote upon the slate her desire to be informed in what manner she should send him her receipt for 600 pounds which she begged to have instantly advanced the boy came back running and holding up his hands and said miss there's a fine piece of work upstairs master's in a pack of troubles but he says how he'll come down if you'll stay till he's got his things on does he keep his bed then i hope i have not made him rise no miss he don't keep his bed only he must get ready for he wears no great matters of clothes when he's alone you are to know miss lowering his voice that that day as he went abroad with our sweeps clothes on he come home in such a pickle you never see i believe somebody knocked him in the kennel so does mall but don't you say as good i told you he's been special bad ever since mall and i was as glad as could be because he's so plaguey sharp for to let you know miss he's so near it's partly a wonder how he lives at all and yet he's worth a power of money too well well said Cecilia not very desirous to encourage his forwardness if i want anything i'll call for you the boy however glad to tell his tale went on our mall won't stay with him above a week longer miss because she says how she can get nothing to eat but just some old stinking salt meat that stayed in the butcher shop so long it would make a horse sick to look at it but mall's pretty nice house ever miss to let you know we don't get a good meal so often as once a quarter why this last week we hadn't had nothing at all but some dirty mushy red herrings so you might think miss we're kept pretty sharp he was now interrupted by hearing mr briggs coming down the stairs upon which abruptly breaking off his complaints he held up his finger to his nose and token of secrecy and ran hastily into the kitchen the appearance of mr briggs was by no means rendered more attractive by illness and negligence of dress he had on a flannel gown and nightcap his blood beard of many days growths was long and grim and upon his nose and one of his cheeks was a large patch of brown paper which has he entered the room he held on with both his hands cecilia made many apologies for having disturbed him and some civil inquiries concerning his health i i cried he pettishly bad enough all along of that trumpery masquerade wish i had not gone fool for my pains when will you take an ill sir met with an accident got a fall broke my head like to have lost my wig wish the masquerade at old nick thought it would cost me nothing or would not have gone warn chen get me so soon to another did you fall on going home sir i i plump in the kennel could hardly get out of it felt myself a going was afraid to tear my clothes knew the rascal would make me pay for them so by holding up the old sack came bolt on my face off pops my wig could not tell what to do all as dark as pitch did not you call for help nobody buy but scrubs knew they would not help for nothing scrolled out as i could groped about for my wig found that at last all souths in the mud stuck to my head like turner serate i hope then you got into a hackney coach what for to make things worse was not bad enough hey must pay two shillings beside but how did you find yourself when you got home sir how why wet as muck my head all bumps my cheek all cut my nose big as two forced to wear a playster half ruined in vinegar got a great cold put me in a fever never been well since but have you had no advice sir should not you send for a physician what to do hey fill me with jellop can get it myself can't i had one once was taken very bad thought should have popped off began to flinch sent for the doctor proved nothing but a cheat cost me a guinea gave it at fourth visit and he never came again warrant won't have no more then perceiving upon the table some dust from the black lead pencil what's here cried he angrily who's been cutting the pencil wish they were hanged suppose it's the boy deserves to be horse whipped give him a good banging cecilia immediately cleared him by acknowledging she had herself been the culprit i i cried he thought as much all the time guess how it was nothing but ruined waste sending for money nobody knows why wanting 600 pounds what to do throw it in the dirt never heard the like shan't have it promised you that nodding his head shan't have no such thing shan't have it cried cecilia much surprised why not sir keep it for your husband get you one soon won't have no juggling don't be in a hurry one in my eye cecilia then began a very earnest ex postulation assuring him she really wanted the money for an occasion which would not admit of delay her remonstrance is however he wholly disregarded telling her that girls knew nothing of the value of money and ought not to be trusted with it that he would not hear of such extravagance and was resolved not to advance her a penny cecilia was gross provoked and confounded by refusal so unexpected and as she thought herself bound an honor to mr harrell not to make known the motive of her urgency she was for some time totally silenced till recollecting her account with the bookseller she determined to rest her plea upon that persuaded that he could not at least deny her money to pay her own bills he heard her however with the utmost contempt books he cried what do you want with books do no good all lost time words get no cash she informed him his admonitions were now too late as she had already received them and must therefore necessarily pay for them no no cried he send them back that's best keep no such rubbish won't turn to account do better without him that's her will be impossible for i have had them some time and cannot expect the bookseller to take them again must must cried he can't help himself glad to have him too our better minor can't be made pay a far thing cecilia with much indignation heard such fraud recommended and told him she could by no means consent to follow his advice but she soon found to her utter amazement that he steadily refused to give her any other or to bestow the slightest attention upon her expostulations sturdily saying that her uncle had left her a noble estate and he would take care to see it put in proper hands by getting her a good and careful husband i have no intention no wish sir cried she to break into the income or estate left me by my uncle on the contrary i hold them sacred and think myself bounding conscious never to live beyond them but the ten thousand pounds be keyed me by my father i regard as more peculiarly my own property and therefore think myself at liberty to dispose of it as i please what cried he in a range make it over to a scrubby bookseller give it up for an old pot cook no no won't suffer it shan't be shan't be i say if you want some books go to more fields pick up enough at an old stall get them at two pence apiece dear enough to cecilia for some time hoped he was merely indulging has strange and sordid humor by an opposition that was only intended to tease her but she soon found herself extremely mistaken he was immovable in obstinacy as he was incorrigible in avarice he neither troubled himself with anchories nor reasoning but was contented with refusing her as a child might be refused by a parent orally telling her she did not know what she wanted and therefore should not have what she asked and with this answer after all that she could urge she was compelled to leave the house as he complained that his brown paper plaster wanted fresh dipping in vinegar and he could stay talking no longer the disgust with which this behavior filled her was doubled by the shame and concern of returning to the heralds with her promise unperformed she deliberated upon every method that occurred to her of still endeavoring to serve them but could suggest nothing except trying to prevail upon mr. deville to interfere in her favor she liked not indeed the office of solicitation to so haughty a man but having no other expedient her opinions gave way to her generosity and she ordered the chairman to carry her to st. james square end of chapter one volume three chapter two of cecilia this is a liberbox recording all liberbox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit liberbox.org cecilia memoirs of an heiress by fanny bernie volume three chapter two a perplexity and here at the door of his father's house and just ascending the steps she perceived young deville again cried he handing her out of the chair surely some good genius is at work for me this morning she told him she should not have called so early now she was acquainted with the late hours of mrs. deville but that she merely meant to speak with his father for two minutes upon business he attended her upstairs and finding she was in haste went himself with her message to mr. deville and soon returned with an answer that he would wait upon her presently the strange speeches he had made to her when they first met in the morning now recording to her memory she determined to have them explained and in order to lead to the subject mentioned a disagreeable situation in which he had found her while she was standing up to avoid the sight of the condemned male factors indeed cried he in a tone of voice somewhat incredulous and what was that the purpose for which you stood up certainly sir what other could i have none surely he said smiling but the accident was singularly opportune opportune cried to cilia staring how opportune this is the second time in the same morning that i am not able to understand you how should you understand what is so little intelligible i see you have some meaning which i cannot fathom why else should it be so extraordinary that i should endeavor to avoid a mob or how could it be opportune that i should happen to meet with one he laughed at first without making any answer but perceiving she looked at him with impatience he have gaily half reproachfully said when says it that young ladies even such whose principles are most strict seem universally in those affairs where their affections are concerned to think hypocrisy necessary and deceit amiable and hold it graceful to disavow today what they may perhaps mean publicly to acknowledge tomorrow cilia who heard these questions with unfaithful astonishment looked at him with the utmost eagerness for an explanation do you so much wonder he continued that i should have hoped and miss beveley to have seen some deviation from such rules and have expected more openness and candor and a young lady who has given so noble a proof of the liberality of her mind and understanding you amazingly beyond measure cried she what rules what candor what liberality do you mean must i speak yet more plainly and if i do will you bear to hear me indeed i should be extremely glad if you would give me leave to understand you and may i tell you what has charmed me as well as what i have presumed to wander at you may tell me anything if you will but be less mysterious forgive then the frankness you invite and let me acknowledge to you how greatly i honor the nobleness of your conduct surrounded as you are by the opulent and the splendid un shackled by dependence unrestrained by authority blessed by nature with all that is attractive by situation with all that is desirable to slight the rich and disregard the powerful for the pure pleasure of raising a pressed merit and giving to desert that will in which alone it seemed deficient how can a spirit so liberal be sufficiently admired or a choice of so much dignity be too highly extolled i find cried to celia i must forbear any further inquiry for the more i hear the less i understand pardon me then cried he if here i return to my first question when is it that a young lady who can think so nobly and act so disinterestedly should not be uniformly great simple and true and unaffected in sincerity why should she thus be guarded where frankness would do her so much honor why blush and owning what all others may blush and envying indeed you perplexed me intolerably chloride to celia with some vexation why sir will you not be more explicit and why madame returned he with a laugh would you tempt me to be more important have i not said strange things already strange indeed cry chi for not one of them can i comprehend pardon then cried he and forget them all i scarcely know myself what urged me to say them but i begin inadvertently without intending to go on and i have proceeded involuntarily without knowing how to stop the fault however is ultimately your own for the sight of you creates an insurmountable desire to converse with you and your conversation at propensity equally incorrigible to take some interest in your welfare he would then have changed in this course and cecilia ashamed of pressing him further was for some time silent but when one of the servants came to inform her that his master meant to wait upon her directly her unwillingness to leave the matter in suspense induced her somewhat abruptly to say perhaps sir you're thinking of mr belfield a happy conjecture card he but so wild the one i cannot but marvel how it should occur to you well sir said she i must acknowledge i now understand your meaning but with respect to what has given rise to it i am as much of stranger as ever the entrance of mr. deville here closed the conversation he began with his usual ostentatious apologies declaring he had so many people to attend so many complaints to hear and so many grievances to redress that it was impossible for him to wait upon her sooner and not without difficulty that he waited upon her now meantime his son almost immediately retired and cecilia instead of listening to this harangue was only disturbing herself with conjectures upon what had just passed she saw that young deville concluded she was absolutely engaged to mr belfield and though she was better pleased that any suspicion should fall there than upon sir robert florier she was yet both provoked and concerned to be suspected at all an attack so earnest from almost any other person could hardly have failed being very offensive to her but in the manners of young deville good breeding was so happily blended with frankness that his freedom seemed merely to result from the openness of his disposition and even in its very act pleaded its own excuse her reverie was at length interrupted by mr. deville desiring to know in what he could serve her she told him she had present occasion for six hundred pounds and hoped he would not object to her taking up that sum six hundred pounds said he after some deliberation is rather an extraordinary demand for a young lady in your situation your allowance is considerable you have yet no house no equipage no establishment your expenses i should imagine cannot be very great he stopped and seemed weighing her request cecilia shocked at appearing extravagant yet too generous to mention mr harrell had again recourse to her booksellers bill which she told him she was anxious to discharge a booksellers bill cried he and do you want six hundred pounds for a booksellers bill no sir she said stambering no not at all for that i have some other i have a particular occasion but what bill at all cried he would much surprised can a young lady with have with a bookseller the spectator tatler and guardian would make libraries sufficient for any female in the kingdom nor do i think it like a gentle woman to have more besides if you ally yourself in such a manner as i shall approve and recommend you will in all probability find already collected more books than there can ever be any possible occasion for you to look into and let me counsel you to remember that a lady whether so called from birth or only from fortune should never degrade herself by being put on a level with writers in such sort of people cecilia thanked him for his advice but confessed that upon the present occasion it came too late as the books were now actually in her own possession and have you taken cried he such a measure as this without consulting me i thought i had assured you my opinion was always at your service when you were in any dilemma yes sir answered cecilia but i knew how much you were occupied and wish to avoid taking up your time i cannot blame your modesty he replied and therefore as you have contracted the debt you are an honor bound to pay it mr briggs however has the entire management of your fortune my many obligations obliging me to decline so labor is a trust apply therefore to him and as things are situated i will make no opposition to your demand i have already served said cecilia spoke to mr briggs but you went to him first then interrupted mr deville with a look of much displeasure i was unwilling sir to trouble you till i found it unavoidable she then acquainted him with mr briggs refusal and it treated he would do her the favor to intercede in her behalf that the money might no longer be denied her every word she spoke his pride seemed rising to resent and when she had done after regarding her some time with a parent indignation he said i intercede i become an agent cecilia amazed to find him thus violently irritated made a very earnest apology for her request but without paying her any attention he walked up and down the room exclaimed me an agent and to mr briggs this is an affront i could have never expected why did i degrade myself by accepting this humiliating office i ought to have known better then turn into cecilia child he added for whom is it you take me and for what cecilia again though affronted in her turn began some protestations of respect but hotly interrupting her he said if of me and of my rank in life you judge by mr briggs or by mr harrell i may be subject to proposals such as these every day suffer me therefore for your better information to hint to you that the head of an ancient and honorable house is apt to think himself somewhat superior to people but just rising from dust and obscurity thunder struck by this imperious reproof she could attempt to further vindication well when he observed her consternation he was somewhat appeased and hoping he had now impressed her with a proper sense of his dignity he more gently said you did not i believe intend to insult me good heaven sir no cried cecilia nothing was more distant from my thoughts if my expressions have been faulty it has been wholly from ignorance well well we will think then no more of it she then said she would no longer detain him and without daring to again mention her petition she wished him good morning he suffered hard to go yet as she left the room graciously said think no more of my displeasure for it is over i see you were not aware of the extraordinary thing you proposed i am sorry i cannot possibly assist you on any other occasion you may depend on my services but you know mr briggs you have seen him yourself judge then how a man of any fashion is to accommodate himself with such a person cecilia concurred and curtsy took her leave ah thought she and her way home how happy is it for me that i followed the advice of mr mocton else i had surely made interest to become an inmate of that house and then indeed as he wisely foresaw i should inevitably have been overwhelmed by this pompous insolence no family however amiable could make amends for such a master of it end of chapter two volume three chapter three of cecilia this is a libra vox recording all libra vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libra vox.org cecilia memoirs open eras by fanny bernie volume three chapter three an admonition the heralds and mr are not waited their return of cecilia with the utmost impatience she told them of much concern the failure of her embassy which mr herald heard with visible resentment and discontent while mr are not in treating him not to think of it again made an offer of his services and declared he would disregard all personal convenience for the pleasure of making him and his sister easy cecilia was much mortified that she had not the power to act the same part and asked mr herald whether he believed his own influence with mr briggs would be more successful no no answered he the old carbunjan would but the rather refuse i know his reason and therefore i'm sure all please will be vain he has dealings in the alley and i dare say games with your money as if it were his own there is indeed one way but i do not think you would like it though i protest i hardly know why not however to this well let alone cecilia insisted upon hearing what he meant and after some hesitation he hinted that there were means by which with very little inconvenience she might borrow the money cecilia with that horror natural to all unpracticed minds at the first idea of contracting a voluntary debt stared at this suggestion and seemed very ill disposed to listen to it mr herald perceiving her opinions turned to mr are not and said well my good brother i hardly know how to suffer you to sell out at such a loss but yet my present necessity is so urgent don't mention that cry mr or not i am very sorry i let you know it be certain however that while i have anything it is yours and my sister's the two gentlemen were then retiring together but cecilia shocked for mr or not thought unmoved by mr herald stopped them to inquire what was the way by which it was meant she could borrow the money mr herald seemed diverse to answer but she would not be refused and then he mentioned a jew of whose honesty had made undoubt a trial and who as she was so near being of age would accept very trifling interest for whatever she should like to take up the heart of cecilia recalled that the very mention of a jew and taking up money upon interest but impelled strongly by her own generosity to emulate that of mr or not she agreed after some hesitation to have recourse to this method mr herald then made some faint denials and mr or not protested he had a thousand times rather sell out at any discount than consent to her taking such a measure but when her first reluctance was conquered all that he urged served but to show his worthiness in a stronger light and only increased her desire of saving him from such repeated imposition her total ignorance in what manner to transact this business made her next put it wholly into the hands of mr herald whom she begged to take up six hundred pounds upon such terms that he thought equitable and to which whatever they might be she would sign her name he seemed somewhat surprised at the sum but without any question or objection undertook the commission and ceil would lessen it because unwilling to do more for the security of the luxurious mr herald than for the distresses of the laborers hills nothing could be more speedy than the execution of this affair mr herald was diligent and expert the whole was settled that morning and giving to the jew her bond for the payment at the interest he required she put into the hands of mr herald 350 pounds for which he gave the his receipt and she kept the rest for her own purposes she intended the morning after this transaction to settle her account with the bookseller when she went into the parlour to breakfast she was somewhat surprised to see mr herald in earnest discourse with his wife fearful of interrupting a teta-teta so uncommon she would have retired but mr herald calling after her said oh pray come in i am only telling priscilla a piece of my usual ill luck you must know i happen to be an immediate want of 200 pounds though only for three or four days and i sent to order honest ol erin to come hither directly with the money but it so happens that he went out of town the moment he had done with us yesterday and will not be back again this week now i don't believe there is another jew in the kingdom who will let me have money upon the same terms they are such notorious rascals that i hate the very thought of implowing them cecilia who could not but understand what this meant was too much displeased both by his extravagance and his indelicacy to feel at all inclined to change the destination of the money she had just received and therefore coolly agreed that it was unfortunate but added nothing more oh it is provoking indeed crikey for the extra interest i must pay one of those extortioners is absolutely so much money thrown away cecilia still without noticing these hints began her breakfast mr herald then said he would take this tea with them and while he was buttering some dry toast exclaimed as if from sudden recollection oh lord now i think of it i believe miss beverly you can lend me this money yourself for a day or two the moment ol erin comes to town i will pay you cecilia whose generosity however extensive was neither thoughtless nor indiscriminate found something so repulsive in this gross procedure that instead of assenting to his request with her usual alacrity she answered very gravely that the money she had just received was already appropriated to a particular purpose and she knew not how to defer making use of it mr herald was extremely chagrined by this reply which was by no means what he expected but tossing down a dish of tea he began humming an air and soon recovered his usual unconcern in a few minutes ringing his bell he desired a servant to go to mr zachery and inform him that he wanted to speak with him immediately and now he said with a look in which vexation seems struggling with carelessness the thing is done i don't like indeed to get into such hands for it is hard ever to get out of them when one one begins and hitherto i have kept pretty clear but there's no help for it mr are not cannot just now assist me and so the thing must take its course persilla why do you look so great i am thinking how unlucky it is my brother should happen to be unable to lend you this money oh don't think about it i shall get rid of the man very soon i dare say i hope so at least i am sure i mean it cecilia now grew a little disturbed she looked at mr herald who seems also uneasy and then with some hesitation said have you really never sir employed this man before never in my life never any but old erin i dread the whole race i have a sort of superstitious notion that if once i get into their clutches i shall never be a my own man again and that induced me to beg your assistance however it is not great a matter she then began to waver she feared there might be a future mischief as well as present inconvenience in his applying to new others and knowing she had now the power to prevent him thought herself have cruel and refusing to exert it she wished to consult mr monkton but found it necessary to take her measures immediately as the jew was already sent for and must in a few moments be either employed or discarded much perplexed how to act between the desire of doing good and a fear of encouraging evil she waited each side hastily but while still uncertain which ought to ponderate her kindness for mrs herald interfered and in the hope of rescuing her husband from further bad practices she said she would postpone her own business for a few days he mentioned rather than see him compelled to open any new account was so dangerous a set of men he thanked her in his usual negligent manner in accepting that 200 pounds gave her his receipt for it and the promise she should be paid in a week mrs herald however seemed more grateful and with many embraces spoke her sense of this friendly good nature cecilia happy from believing she had provided her some spark of sensibility determined to avail herself of so favorable a symptom and enter it once upon the disagreeable tasks she had set herself of representing to her the danger of her present situation as soon therefore as breakfast was done and mr or not who came in before it was over was gone with a view to excite her attention by raising her curiosity she begged the favor of a private conference in her own room upon matters of some importance she began with hoping that the friendship in which they had so long lived would make her pardon the liberty she was going to take and which nothing less than their former intimacy joined to strong apprehensions for her future welfare could authorize but oh priscilla she continued with open eyes to see your danger yet not warning you of it would be a reserved treacherous and a friend and cruel even in a fellow creature what danger cried mrs herald much alarmed do you think me ill do i look consumptive yes consumptive indeed said cecilia but not a hope in your constitution and then with all the tenderness in her power she came to the point and conjured her without delay to retrench her expenses and change her thoughtless way of life for one more considerate and domestic mrs herald with much simplicity assured her she did nothing but what everybody else did and that it was quite impossible for her to appear in the world in any other manner but how are you to appear here after cried cecilia if now you live beyond your income you must consider that in time your income by such depredations will be exhausted but i declare to you answered mrs herald i never around in debt for more than half a year for as soon as i receive my own money i generally pay it away every shilling and so borrow what i want till payday comes around again and that's that cecilia seems the method expressly devised for keeping you eternally comfortless pardon me however for speaking so openly but i fear mr herald himself must be even still less attentive and accurate in his affairs or he could not so frequently be embarrassed and what is to be of the result look but my dear priscilla a little forward and you will tremble at the prospect before you mrs herald seemed frightened at the speech and beg to know what she would have them do cecilia then with equal wisdom and friendliness proposed a general reform in the household at the public and private expenses of both she advised that the strict examination might be made into the state of their affairs that all their bills should be called in and faithfully paid and that an entire new plane of life should be adopted according to the situation of their fortune and income when cleared of all encumbrances lord my dear exclaimed mrs herald with a look of astonishment why mr herald would no more do all this than fly if i was only to make such a proposal i dare say he would laugh at my face and why why why because it would seem such an odd thing it's what nobody thinks of though i am sure i am very much obliged to you for mentioning it shall we go downstairs i think i heard somebody come in no matter who comes in said cecilia reflect for a moment upon my proposal and at least if you disapprove it suggest something more eligible oh it's a very good proposal that i agree said mrs herald looking very wary but only the thing is it's quite impossible why so why is it impossible why because dear i don't know but i am sure it is but what is your reason what makes you sure of it lord i can't tell but i know it is because i am very certain it is arguments such as this though extremely fatiguing to the understanding of cecilia had yet no power to blunt her purpose she warmly expostulated against the weakness of her defense strongly represented the imprudence of her conduct and exhorted her by every tie of justice honor and discretion to set about a reformation why what can i do cry mrs herald impatiently one must live a little like other people you would not have me stared at i suppose and i am sure i don't know what i do that everybody else does not do too but were it not better set the cecilia with more energy to think less of other people and more of yourself to consult your own fortune and your own situation in life instead of being blindly guarded by those of other people if indeed other people would be responsible for your losses for the diminution of your wealth and for the disordering of your affairs that might irrationally make their way of life the example of yours but you cannot flatter yourself such will be the case you know better your losses your diminished fortune your embarrassed circumstances will be all your own pity perhaps by some but blamed by more and assisted by none good lord miss verley cried mrs herald starting you talk just as if we were ruined i mean not that replies cecilia but i would feign by pointing out your danger prevail with you to prevent in time so dreadful a catastrophe mrs herald more affronted than alarmed heard this answer with much displeasure and after a sullen hesitation peevishly said i must own i don't take it very kind of you to say such frightful things to me i am sure we only live like the rest of the world and i don't see why a man of mr herald's fortune should live any worse as to hips having now and then a little debt or two it is nothing but what everybody else has you only think it's so odd because you ain't used to it and but you are quite mistaken if you suppose he does not mean to pay for he told me this morning that as soon as ever he receives his rent he intends to discharge every bill he has in the world i am very glad to hear it answered cecilia and i heartily wish he may have the resolution to adhere to his purpose i feared you would think me impertinent but you do worse than believing me unkind friendship and good will could alone have induced me to hazard what i have said to you i must however have done though i cannot forbear adding that i hope what has already passed will sometimes occur to you then they separated mrs herald half angry at remonstrance as she thought only sensorious and cecilia offended at her pettishness and folly though grieved at her blindness she was soon however recompensed for this vexation by a visit from mrs deville who finding her alone sat with her sometime and by her spirit understanding and elegance dissipated all her chagrin from another circumstance also she received much pleasure though a little perplexity mr r naught brought her word that mr belfield almost quite well had actually left his lodgings and was gone into the country she now have suspected that the account of his illness given her by young deville was merely the effect of his curiosity to discover her sentiments of him yet when she considered how foreign to his character appeared every species of artifice she exculpated him from the design and concluded that the impatient spirit of belfield had hurried him away when really unfit for traveling she had no means however to hear more of him now he had quitted the town and therefore though uneasy she was compelled to be patient in the evening she had again a visit from mr monton who though he was now acquainted how much she was at home had the forbearance to avoid making frequent use of that knowledge that his attendance might escape observation cecilia as usual spoke to him of all her affairs with the utmost openness and as her mind was now chiefly occupied by her apprehensions for the heralds she communicated to him the extravagance of which they were guilty and hinted at the distress that from time to time it occasioned but the assistant she had afforded them her own delicacy prevented her mentioning mr monton scrupled not from this account instantly to pronounce her a ruined man and thinking cecilia from her connection with him in much danger of being involved in his future difficulties he most earnestly exhorted her to suffer no inducement to prevail with her to advance him any money confidently affirming she would have little chance of being ever paid cecilia listened to this charge with much alarm but readily promised future circumspension she confessed to him the conference she had had in the morning with mrs harrell and after lamenting her determined neglect of her affairs she added i cannot but own that my esteem for her even more than my affection has lessened almost every day since i have been in her house but this morning when i ventured to speak to her with earnestness i found her powers of reasoning so weak and her infatuation to luxury and expense so strong that i have ever since felt ashamed of my own discernment in having formally selected her for my friend when you gave her that title said mr monton you had little choice in your power her sweetness and good nature attracted you childhood has never troubled the foresight and youth is seldom difficult she was lively and pleasing you were generous and affectionate your acquaintance with her was formed while you were yet too young to know your own worth your fondness of her grew from habit and before the inferiority of her parts had weakened your regard by offending your judgment her early marriage separated you from her entirely but now you meet again the scene is altered three years of absence spent in the cultivation of an understanding naturally of the first order by increasing your wisdom has made you more fastidious while the same time spent by her near idleness and shoe has hurt her disposition without adding to her knowledge and robbed her of her natural excellencies without enriching her with acquired ones you see her now with impartiality for you see her almost as a stranger and all those deficiencies which retirement and experience had formally concealed her vanity and her superficial acquaintance with the world have now rendered glaring but folly weakens all bands remember therefore if you would form a solid friendship to consult not only the heart but the head not only the temper but the understanding well then said Cecilia at least it must be confessed i have judicially chosen you you have indeed done me the highest honor he answered they then talked of belfield and mr monkton confirmed the account of mr or not that he had left london and good health after which he inquired if she had seen anything more of the bills yes said Cecilia mrs. deville called upon me this morning she is a delightful woman i am sorry you know her not enough to do her justice is she civil to you civil she is all kindness then depend upon it she has something in view whenever that is not the case she is all insolence and mr. deville pray what do you think of him oh i think him insufferable and i cannot sufficiently thank you for that timely caution which prevented my change of habitation i would not live under the same roof with him for the world well and do you not now also begin to see the son properly properly i don't understand you why is the very son of such parents hearty and impertinent now indeed he has not the smallest resemblance to his father and if he resembles his mother it is only what everyone must wish who impartially sees her you know not that family but how indeed should you when they are in a combination to prevent you're getting that knowledge they have all their designs upon you and if you are not carefully upon your guard you will be the dupe to them what can you possibly mean nothing but what everybody else must immediately see they have a great share of pride and a small one of wealth you see by fortune to be flung on their way and doubtless they may not to neglect so inviting an opportunity of repairing their estate indeed you are mistaken i am certain they have no such intention on the contrary they all even teasingly persist in thinking me already engaged elsewhere she then gave him a history of their several suspicions the importance of report she added has so much convinced them that sir robert floyer and mr belfield fought merely as rivals that i can only clear myself of partiality for one of them to have it instantly concluded i feel it for the other and far from seeing hurt that i appear to be disposed of mr divill openly seconds the pretensions of sir robert and his son officially persuades me that i am already mr belfield tricks nothing but tricks to discover your real situation he then gave her some general cautions to be upon her guard against their artifices in changing the subject talk for the rest of his visit upon matters of general entertainment end of chapter three volume three chapter four of cecilia this is a LibriWalks recording all LibriWalks recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriWalks dot org cecilia memoirs of inheres by Francis bernie volume three chapter four an evasion cecilia now for about a fortnight passed her time without incident the heralds continued their accustomed dissipation sir robert floyer without even seeking a private conference persevered in his attentions and mr annott though still silent and humble seemed only to live by the pleasure of beholding her she spent two whole days with mrs delville both of which served to confirm her admiration of that lady and of her son and she joined the parties of the heralds or stayed quietly at home according to her spirits and inclinations while she was visited by mr montan often enough to satisfy him with her proceedings yet to seldom to betray either to herself or to the world any suspicion of his designs her 200 pounds however which was to have been returned at the end of the first week though a fortnight was now elapsed had not even been mentioned she began to grow very impatient but not knowing what course to pursue and wanting courage to remind mr harrell of his promise she still waited the performance of it without speaking at this time preparations were making in the family for removing twilight bank to spend the Easter holidays but Cecilia who was too much grieved at such perpetual increase of unnecessary expenses to have any enjoyment in new prospects of entertainment had at present some business of her own which gave her full employment the poor carpenter whose family she had taken under her protection was just dead and as soon as the last duties had been paid him she sent for his widow and after trying to console her for the loss she had suffered assured her she was immediately ready to fulfill the engagement into which she had entered of assisting her to undertake some better method of procuring a livelihood and therefore desired to know in what manner she could serve her and what she thought herself able to do the good woman pouring forth thanks and praises innumerable answered that she had a cousin who had offered for a certain premium to take her into partnership in a small haberdasher's shop but then madam continued she it's quite morally impossible I should raise such a sum or else to be sure such a shop as that now I'm grown so poorly would be quite a heaven upon earth to me for my strength madam is almost all gone away and when I do any hard work it's quite a pity aside to see me for I'm all in a tremble after it just as if I had an org and yet all the time my hands madam will be burning like a coal you have indeed been overworked set Cecilia and it is high time your feeble frame should have some rest what is the sum your cousin demands oh madam more than I should be able to get together in all my life for earn what I will it goes as fast as it comes because there is many mounts and small pay and two of the little ones that can't help at all and there is no willy madam to work for us now but tell me what is the sum 60 pound madam you shall have it cried generous Cecilia if the situation will make you happy I will give it to you myself the poor woman wept her thanks and was long before she could sufficiently compose herself to answer the further questions of Cecilia who next inquired what could be done with the children mrs hill however he there too hopeless of such a provision for herself had for them formed no plan she told her therefore to go to her cousin and consult upon this subject as well as to make preparations for her own removal the arrangement of this business now became her favorite occupation she went herself to the shop which was a very small one in feta lane and spoke with mrs robberts the cousin who agreed to take the eldest girl now 16 years of age by way of helper but said she had room for no other however upon Cecilia's offering to raise the premium she consented that the two little children should also live in the house where they might be under the care of their mother and sister there was still two others to be disposed of but as no immediate method of providing for them occurred to Cecilia she determined for the present to place them in some cheap school where they might be taught plain work which could not but prove a useful qualification for whatever sort of business they might hear after attempt her plan was to bestow upon mrs hill and her children 100 pounds by way of putting them all into a decent way of living and then from time to time to make them such small presence as their future exigencies or changes of situation might require now therefore payment from mr harrell became immediately necessary for she had only 50 pounds of the 600 she had taken up in her own possession and her customary allowance was already so appropriated that she could make from it no considerable deduction there is something in the sight of laborious indigents so affecting and respectable that it renders dissipation peculiarly contemptible and doubles the odium of extravagance every time Cecilia saw this poor family her aversion to the conduct and principles of mr harrell increased while her delicacy of shocking or shaming him diminished and she soon acquired for them what she had failed to acquire for herself the spirit and resolution to claim her debt one morning therefore as he was quitting the breakfast room she hastily arose and following begged to have a moment's discourse with him they went together to the library and after some apologies and much hesitation she told him she fancied he had forgotten the 200 pounds which she had lent him the 200 pounds cried he oh why true i protest it had escaped me well but you don't want it immediately indeed i do if you can conveniently spare it oh yes certainly without the least doubt though now i think of it it's extremely unlucky but really just at this time why did not you put me in mind of it before i hoped you would have remembered it yourself i could have paid you two days ago extremely well however you shall certainly have it very soon that you may depend upon and a day or two can make no great difference to you he then wished her good morning and left her sissilia very much provoked regretted that she had ever lent it at all undetermined for the future strictly to follow the advice of mr montan entrusting him no more two or three days passed on but still no notice was taken either of the payment or of the debt she then resolved to renew her application and be more serious and more urgent with him but she found to her utter surprise this was not in her power and that though she lived under the same roof with him she had no opportunity to enforce her claim mr harrell whenever she desired to speak with him protested he was so much hurried he had not a moment to spare and even when tired of his excuses she pursued him out of the room he only quickened his speed smiling however and bowing and calling out i'm vastly sorry but i am so late now i cannot stop an instant however as soon as i come back i shall be wholly at your command when he came back however sir robert fleuer or some other gentleman was sure to be with him and the difficulties of obtaining an audience was sure to be increased and by this method which he constantly practiced of avoiding any private conversation he frustrated all her schemes of remonstrating upon his delay since her resentment however great could never urge her to the indelicacy of dunning him in presence of a third person she was now much perplexed herself how to put into execution her plans for the hills she knew it would be as vain to apply for money to mr briggs as for payment to mr harrell her word however had been given and her word she held sacred she resolved therefore for the present to bestow upon them the 50 pounds she still retained and if the rest should be necessary before she became of age to spare it however conveniently from her private allowance which by the will of her uncle was 500 pounds a year to 50 pounds of which mr harrell received for her both and accommodations having settled this matter in her own mind she went to the lodging of mrs hill in order to conclude the affair she found her and all her children except the youngest hard at work and their honest industry so much strengthened her compassion that her wishes for serving them grew every instant more liberal mrs hill readily undertook to make her cousin accept half the premium for the present which would suffice to fix her with three of her children in the shop cesilia then went with her to fetter lane and there drawing up herself an agreement for their entering into partnership she made each of them sign it and take a copy and kept a third in her own possession after which she gave a promissory note to mrs robert for the rest of the money she presented mrs hill also with 10 pounds to clothe them all decently and enable her to send two of the children to school and assured her that she would herself pay for their boat and instruction till she should be established in her business and her power to save money for that purpose she then put herself into a chair to return home followed by the prayers and blessings of the whole family end of chapter volume three chapter five of cesilia this is a libravox recording all libravox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libravox.org recorded by dawn cesilia memoirs of an eras by frances bernie volume three chapter five an adventure never had the heart of cesilia felt so light so gay so glowing as after the transaction of this affair her life had never appeared to her so important nor her wealth so valuable to see five helpless children provided for by herself rescued from the extremes of penury and wretchedness and put in a way to become useful to society and comfortable to themselves to behold their feeble mother snatched from the hardship of that labor which overpowering her strength had almost destroyed her existence now placed in a situation where competent maintenance might be earned without fatigue and the remnant of her days pass an easy employment to view such sites and have power to say these deeds are mine what to a disposition fraught with tenderness and benevolence could give pure self applause or more exquisite satisfaction such were the pleasures which regaled the reflections of cesilia when in her way home having got out of her chair to walk through the upper part of oxford street she was suddenly met by the old gentleman whose emphatical addresses to her had so much excited her astonishment he was passing quick on but stopping the moment he perceived her he sternly called out are you proud are you callous are you hard of heart so soon put me if you please to some trial cried Cecilia with the virtuous courage of a self acquitting conscience I already have returned he indignantly and already I have found you faulty I am sorry to hear it said the amazed Cecilia but at least I hope you will tell me in what you refused me admittance he answered yet I was your friend yet I was willing to prolong the term of your genuine tranquillity I pointed out to you a method of preserving peace with your own soul I came to you in behalf of the poor and instructed you how to merit their prayers you heard me you were susceptible you complied I meant to have repeated the lesson to have turned your whole heart to compassion and to have taught you these sad duties of sympathizing humanity for this purpose I called again but again I was not admitted short was the period of my absence yet long enough for the completion of your downfall good heaven cried Cecilia how dreadful is this language when have you called sir I never heard you had been at the house far from refusing your admittance I wished to see you indeed cried he with some softness and are you in truth not proud not callous not hard of heart follow me then and visit the humble and the poor follow me and give comfort to the fallen and dejected at this invitation however desirous to do good Cecilia started the strangeness of the Inviter his flightiness his authoritative manner and the uncertainty wither or to whom he might carry her made her fearful of proceeding yet a benevolent curiosity to see as well as serve the objects of his recommendation joined to the eagerness of youthful integrity to clear her own character from the aspersion of hard-heartedness soon conquered her irresolution and making a sign to her servant to keep near her she followed as her conductor led he went on silently and solemnly till he came to swallow street then turning into it he stopped at a small and mean looking house knocked at the door and without asking any question of the man who opened it beckoned her to come after him and hastened up some narrow winding stairs Cecilia again hesitated but when she recollected that this old man though little known was frequently seen and though a few people acquainted was by many personally recognized she thought it impossible he could mean her any injury she ordered her servant however to come in and bid him keep walking up and down the stairs till she returned to him and then she obeyed the directions of her guide he proceeded till he came to the second floor then again beckoning her to follow him he opened the door and entered a small and very meanly furnished department and here to her infinite astonishment she perceived employed in washing some china a very lovely young woman gentilly dressed and appearing hardly 17 years of age the moment they came in with evident marks of confusion she instantly gave over her work hastily putting the basin she was washing upon the table and endeavoring to hide the towel with which she was wiping it behind her chair the old gentleman advancing to her with quickness said how is he now is he better will he live heaven forbid he should not answered the young woman with emotion but indeed he is no better look here said he pointing to Cecilia I have brought here one who has power to serve you and to relieve your distress one who is rolling in affluence a stranger to ill and novice in the world unskilled in the misery she is yet to endure unconscious of the depravity into which she is to sink receive her benefactions while yet she is untainted satisfied that while she aids you she is blessing herself the young woman blushing and a bash said you are very good to me sir but there is no occasion there is no need I have not any necessity I'm far from being so very much in want poor simple soul interrupted the old man and art thou ashamed of poverty guard guard thyself from other shames and the wealthiest man VV tell her thy story plainly roundly truly abate nothing of thy indigence repress nothing of her liberality the poor not impoverished by their own guilt are equals of the affluent not enriched by their own virtue come then and let me present you to each other young as you both are with many years and many sorrows to encounter lighten the birthing of each other's cares by the heart soothing exchange of gratitude for beneficence he then took a hand of each and joining them between his own you he continued who though rich are not hardened and you who though poor are not debased why should you not love why should you not cherish each other the afflictions of life are tedious its joys are evanescent you are now both young and with little to enjoy we'll find much to suffer you are both too I believe innocent oh could you always remain so cherubs were you then and the sons of men might worship you he stopped checked by his own rising emotion but soon resuming his usual austerity such however he continued is not the condition of humanity in pity therefore to the evils impending over both be kind to each other I leave you together and to your mutual tenderness I recommend you then turning particularly to Cecilia disdain not he said to console the depressed look upon her without scorn converse with her without contempt like you she is an orphan though not like you an heiress like her you are fatherless though not like her friendless if she is awaited by the temptations of adversity you also are surrounded by the corruptions of prosperity your fall is most probable hers most excusable commiserate her therefore now by and by she may commiserate you you and with these words he left the room a total silence for some time succeeded his departure Cecilia found it difficult to recover from the surprise into which he had been thrown sufficiently for speech and following her extraordinary director her imagination had painted to her a scene such as she had so lately quitted and prepared her to behold some family and distress some helpless creature and sickness or some children in want but of these to see none to meet but one person and that one fair young and delicate an introduction so singular to an object so unthought of deprived her of all power but that of showing her amazement meanwhile the young woman looked scarcely less surprised and infinitely more embarrassed she surveyed her apartment with vexation and her guest with confusion she had listened to the exhortation of the old man with visible uneasiness and now he was gone seemed overwhelmed with shame and chagrin Cecilia who in observing these emotions felt both her curiosity and her compassion increase pressed her hand as she parted with it and when a little recovered said you must think this a strange intrusion but the gentleman who brought me hither is perhaps so well known to you as to make his singularities plead with you their own apology no indeed madam she answered bashfully he is very little known to me but he is very good and very desirous to do me service not but but I believe he thinks me much worse off than I really am for I assure you madam whatever he has said I am not ill off at all hardly the various doubts to her disadvantage which had at first from her uncommon situation arisen in the mind of Cecilia this anxiety to disguise not display her distress considerably removed since it cleared her of all suspicion of seeking by artifice and imposition to play upon her feelings with a gentleness therefore the most soothing she replied I should by no means have broken in upon you thus unexpectedly if I had not concluded my conductor had some right to bring me however since we are actually met let us remember his injunctions and endeavor not to part till by a mutual exchange of good will each has added a friend to the other you are condescending indeed madam answered the young woman with the air the most humble looking as you look to talk of a friend when you come to such a place as this up two pair of stairs no furniture no servant everything in such disorder indeed I wonder at Mr Albany he should not but he thinks everybody's affairs may be made public and does not care what he tells nor who hears him he knows not the pain he gives nor the mischief he may do I am very much concerned quite Cecilia more and more surprised at all she heard to find I have been thus instrumental to distressing you I was ignorant with her I was coming and followed him believe me neither from curiosity nor inclination but simply because I knew not how to refuse him he is gone however and I will therefore relieve you by going to but permit me to leave behind me a small testimony that the intention of my coming was not mere importance she then took out her purse but the young woman starting back with a look of resentful mortification exclaimed no madam you are quite mistaken pray put up your purse I am no beggar Mr Albany has misrepresented me if he has told you I am Cecilia mortified in her turn at this unexpected rejection of an offer she had thought herself invited to make stood some moment silent and then said I am far from meaning to offend you and I sincerely beg your pardon if I had misunderstood the charge just now given to me I have nothing to pardon madam said she more common except indeed to Mr Albany and to him does have no use to be angry for he minds not what I say he is very good but he is very strange for he thinks the whole world made to live in common and that everyone who is poor should ask and everyone who is rich should give he does not know that there are many who would rather starve and are you said Cecilia have smiling of that number no indeed madam I have not so much greatness of mind but those to whom I belong have more fortitude and higher spirit I wish I could imitate them struck with the candor and simplicity of this speech Cecilia now felt a warm desire to serve her and taking her hand said forgive me but though I see you wish me gone I know not how to leave you recollect therefore the charge that has been given to us both and if you refuse my assistance one way point out to me in what other way I may offer it you are very kind madam she answered and I dare say you are very good I'm sure you look so at least but I want nothing I do very well and I have hopes of doing better Mr Albany is too impatient he knows indeed that I'm not extremely rich but he is much to blame if he supposes me therefore an object of charity and thinks me so mean as to receive money from a stranger I am truly sorry cried Cecilia for the error I have committed but you must suffer me to make my peace with you before we part yet till I'm better known to you I am fearful of proposing terms perhaps you will permit me to leave you my direction and do me the favor to call upon me yourself oh no madam I have a sick relation whom I cannot leave and indeed if he were well he would not like to have me make an acquaintance while I'm in this place I hope you are not his only nurse I am sure you do not look able to bear such fatigue has he a physician is he properly attended no madam he has no physician and no attendance at all and is it possible that in such a situation you can refuse to be assisted surely you should accept some help for him if not for yourself but what will it signify when if I do he will not make use of it and when he had a thousand and a thousand times rather die than let anyone know he is in want take it then unknown to him serve him without acquainting him you serve him surely you would not suffer him to perish without aid heaven forbid but what can I do I'm under his command madam not he under mine is he your father pardon my question but your youth seems much to want such a protector no madam I have no father I was happier when I had here's my brother and what is his illness a fever a fever and without a physician are you sure too it is not infectious oh yes too sure too sure how so because I know too well the occasion of it and what is the occasion quite Cecilia again taking her hand pray trust me indeed you shall not repent your confidence your reserve hither too has only raised you in my esteem but do not carry it so far as to mortify me by a total rejection of my good offices oh madam said the young woman sighing you ought to be good I am sure for you will draw all out of me by such kindness as this the occasion was a neglected wound never properly healed a wound is he in the army no he was shot through the side in a duel in a duel exclaimed Cecilia pray what is his name oh that I must not tell you his name is a great secret now while he is in this poor place for I know he had almost rather never see the light again than have it known surely surely cried Cecilia with much emotion he cannot I hope he cannot be mr bellfield oh heaven cried the young woman screaming do you then know him here in mutual astonishment they looked at each other you are then said Cecilia the sister of mr bellfield and mr bellfield is thus sick his wound is not yet healed and he is without any help and who madam are you cried she and how is it you know him my name is beaverly ah exclaimed she again I fear I have not nothing but mischief I know very well who you are now madam but if my brother discovers that I had to trade him he will take it very unkind and perhaps never forgive me be not alarmed cried Cecilia rest assured he shall never know it is he not now in the country no madam he is now in the very next room but what has become of the surgeon who used to attend him and why does he not still visit him it is in vain now to hide anything from you my brother deceived him and said he was going out of town merely to get rid of him and what could induce him to act so strangely a reason which you madam I hope will never know poverty he would not run up a bill he could not pay good heaven but what can be done for him he must not be suffered to linger thus we must contrive some method of relieving and assisting him whether he will consent or not I fear that will not be possible one of his friends has already found him out and has written him the kindest letter but he would not answer it and would not see him and was only feted and angry well said Cecilia I will not keep you longer lest you should be alarmed by your absence tomorrow morning with your leave I will call upon you again and then I hope you'll permit me to make some effort to assist you if it only depended upon me madam she answered now I have the honor to know who you are I believe I should not make much scruple for I was not brought up to notion so high as my brother ah happy headed thing for him for me for all his family and he had not had them neither Cecilia then repeated her expressions of comfort and kindness and took her leave this little adventure gave her infinite concern all the horror which the duel had originally occasioned her again returned she accused herself with much bitterness for having brought it on and finding that mr. belfield was so cruelly a sufferer both in health and his affairs she thought it incumbent upon her to relieve him to the utmost of her ability his sister too had extremely interested her her youth and the uncommon artlessness of her conversation added to her melancholy situation and the loveliness of her person excited in her a desire to serve and an inclination to love her and she determined if she found her as deserving as she seemed engaging not only to assist her at present but if her distresses continued to receive her into her own house in future again she regretted the undue detention of her 200 pounds what she now had to spare was extremely inadequate to what she now wished to bestow and she looked forward to the conclusion of her minority with increasing eagerness the generous and elegant plan of life she then intended to pursue daily gained ground in her imagination and credit in her opinion end of chapter five