 Hi, this is Helena Hart from commitmentconnection.com and in this video I wanted to answer a question I received from a woman in our community who wants to know what to say when a man who disappeared comes back. This is such a common situation. It's actually one of the top questions we get in the comment sections of some of our videos so hopefully this will be really helpful for you if this is something you're experiencing yourself. But before I get started, if this is your first time to our channel, be sure to click the button to subscribe to get all of our videos on how to attract the man and the relationship you've always wanted. So like I mentioned, this is something that happens all the time. I certainly experienced it in my past and pretty much every woman I've ever spoken to has had this experience where a man comes on really strong and then disappears for whatever reason and then comes back around again, often like nothing happened. And when I read this question, I was actually reminded of a story from my own past. A long time ago I was dating a guy and he was coming on really strong, pursuing me for a relationship and just setting up dates. He brought me roses and he told me he was falling for me, a lot of really great things. And then all of a sudden we had a date set up for a particular night and when the time for the date came I couldn't get a hold of him. He just dropped off and I didn't hear from him again for about three or four months. And then he just texted me asking if I wanted to meet up for dinner, like nothing had happened. And I know this is something that women are experiencing all the time these days so maybe you can relate. And I've really found that it's what you do when a man shows back up that causes him to want to keep pursuing you and step up and actually be consistent and follow through or causes him to back off again and stay there. And I imagine since you're asking this question, this is a man who you're actually interested in and are wondering what happened and you might even want to consider continuing to date him if he has a good reason why he disappeared. That's usually what I find when women are asking this question. So you have a couple different options here. When a man shows back up, let's say you're not interested in him. You could just delete it or not respond to him. You just write him off as someone who doesn't follow through on what they say they're going to do. But if you're curious as to what happened, there are different things you can do. So when that man texted me and asked if I wanted to meet up for dinner and catch up, I could have just said yes and gone and see what he had to say. But I've really found that you kind of hand people a script almost for how to treat you by the behavior that you accept. So I heard this great quote, what you allow is what will continue. So if I had just done that, I would be sort of teaching him that it's okay for him to disappear and show back up and he can still date me like nothing happened. And I didn't want to do that. So what I said was something like it feels good to hear from you and I'm actually feeling a little confused. Last time we had plans to meet up was a few months ago and I actually didn't hear from you or couldn't get ahold of you. When the time came for our date, I'm just curious as to what's going on. And he immediately replied with your right. I actually owe you an apology and an explanation and I'd really like to do that in person. And I actually did end up meeting up with him and there was something big going on in his life and he mentioned that he really liked me and it was sort of a self-sabotaging thing that caused him to freak out a little bit and disappear. And I've really found that how men handle it when you really say that in a straightforward way, I'm open to meeting up with you again but I'm feeling a little curious as to what happened. I haven't heard from you in a few months or you kind of dropped off there for a few weeks and I was wondering what happened there. You're allowing him to reveal things about himself to you. So if a man did what this man did and he owns up to it and he apologizes and lets you know how things might be different. This time, if you were to give him another chance, that's fantastic. Now it's up to you if you want to give him a chance or not. I know a lot of women might just want to write a man off but of course, things come up from time to time. There are emergencies and we don't always handle situations in the best, most straightforward way, right? So it's up to you what you do from there. If a man apologizes, owns up to it and offers you an explanation that feels okay to you. Or another option is that a man might minimize what happened or get defensive or blame you or something like that. If a man does that, if he minimizes it or tries to deflect or make you feel like it's not a big deal. I would say that's not a man who's going to be a good relationship partner to you. So I really want to invite straightforward direct communication. You don't want to blame him or make him wrong but just come from a place of curiosity. I wouldn't take it personally or have a lot of like emotional charge around it. Just come from a place where you're curious. Like, I'm open to meeting up with you again or I'm open to talking but I was really kind of curious as to what happened. Haven't heard from you in a little while and see what he says from there. His answer to that and his response will really give you a lot of information about what kind of guy he is and how he handles situations like this, where you don't see eye to eye. So I hope that was helpful for you. That's what I have for today on what to say to a guy when he disappears and then comes back. Of course, every situation is different. So you want to kind of tailor this to your unique situation. But I love hearing from you. Feel free to type in your thoughts and experiences with this. I hope this was helpful and I will see you in the next video. Thanks for watching and if you'd like to discover exactly what to say and do to get the man and relationship you've always wanted, click the button on the right side of this video to visit our website. And I will talk to you soon.