 Hello everybody welcome back to esoteric Atlanta, of course My name is Bryce and I am joined today with a new guest not a new guest in my life I've actually known you Ashley. How many years have I known you? We are four years. Yeah So you were originally my first ashtonga teacher Did you do the beginner course? I did the beginner course with you That is amazing. Yeah before I was ever had a YouTube platform That was before the world shut down on us and I never would ever have thought I'd been on YouTube So yes, I know Ashley in real life. What did the kids say? IRL you got kids they say IRL So and it's so fun I'm having more and more people come on my channel that I actually do know in real life And that is so freakin fun to do because on this channel. We believe and follow the rom-dos quote We're all just walking each other on home. We're all just doing this together But Ashley you started off as an attorney here in Atlanta and as we were talking about off-camera guys We're gonna do more episodes based on some stuff that Ashley has experienced in her attorney life But she kind of started a whole new life for yourself and you while doing this You started a podcast and I'm just gonna read you guys the quick description of Ashley's podcast Because I think for a lot of my viewers and friends watching right now a lot of people Whether they wanted to or not had to start over in these last few years and so and I know Ashley like I said guys I know in real life. She's got a great sense of humor And so I'm gonna read you the description of her podcast and of course all those links will be down in the description box below But Ashley says we have permission to begin again We are meant to thrive to live life out loud to seek joy and abundance We get to hit the reset and take risks to build a new life We love sounds great in theory, but the question is how a big firm lawyer for 20 years Ashley walked out of her corner office in the city trading high heels for flip-flops and Burnout for big dreams seeking a kick-ash life Sounds idyllic, right? Yeah about that literally nothing when his plans come along for the journey as Ashley interviews dream seekers Everyday people doing extraordinary things and shares her own thoughts about seeking joy at the intersection of business and life Curiosity and conversation lead to beautiful moments If you want someone to walk beside you someone who really doesn't have it all figured out the kick-ash life podcast is for you And I'm telling you guys Ashley herself is hysterical and I have I you are one of my favorite people at the Shala And so I'm so excited to start listening to your podcast as well because I know you you are such a sincere human being and you you do look at life from such a comical perspective sometimes And I think that's what we need so how are you doing this morning Ashley? How are you doing today? Yeah, I'm here with you So it's good because we need each other we need connection we need community and even if it's on the zoom We're together and I'm so grateful. I'm grateful to have you to Ashley and so let's get started I want it we were chatting about because Ashley is the proud weirdo lookout like all of us She's a little well in the the etymology of the word weird beings liberated. So So Ashley, I always say yeah, I'm a weirdo. I'm liberated and Ashley You've had a lot of like paranormal experiences which we can get into because there's one common denominator that Ashley and I And my boyfriend have with the paranormal but we'll get into that soon But actually like what inspired you what what when you decided to leave? I Didn't I was gonna say corporate America law America the big city of Atlanta, Georgia Which is the New York of the South where Empire State South you were this big attorney What was that breaking point for you where you're like, I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore Yeah, it was the combination. So some of it was practical life. I went through a crazy divorce It was brutal. It was ugly and I was based in Atlanta But most of my work was in DC in Corporate life and in a large law firm and I was on a plane every week back and forth to DC Which I loved which I loved the drama. I love the travel. I loved the 6 a.m. Monday morning flights I loved all of that. I'm weird that way because it always felt like an adventure You know, I was always gonna get to go somewhere and do something fun but as a single mom that just wasn't gonna work anymore and So there was that and then also I ran into a friend the other day from years back And she said well somebody from the firm just told me that you had a Personality difference and you're damn right. We had a difference in personalities. It was no longer aligned for me We just I couldn't live in that world anymore. I get made me physically. I couldn't do it and so I walked I walked Yeah, so what made you go and walking? I'm gonna start a podcast The podcast came later. So the podcast and also blog called to me much earlier But I thought it and I just yeah, I need to go earn. I need to go do things like, you know and Finally I sort of surrendered I Surrendered because I had I was waking up at three in the morning and words would just come to me and I couldn't I couldn't sleep and I just had stories that needed to be shared Maybe you know this right like you just it just had to come out It had to go somewhere so I finally just gave in and started a podcast and then later started a blog which is Slightly different from the podcast, but literally the words just were coming and they had to go somewhere Do you do you think I know I'm actually we were talking offline about this and I know my my audience is very Familiar with the law of one because we've spoken about a lot on this channel. Do you feel like that? There's no Coincidence that all this happened at the time that the world was kind of going through upheaval as well There can't be a coincidence The only struggle is that I tried to ignore it. Yeah. Yeah And that's hard right like my friend tomorrow down in Australia She always talks about listening to your gut and the problem is is that we've been so disconnected from our gut because we've been talked to taught to think logically and Logically in in America you are most countries you get an education you get your good job. You have a 401k You know, it's not about following your dreams. It's not about necessarily being happy, you know It's about doing the grind and when you When it gets to the point like you said where you're so out of alignment that you're physically getting sick You're physically feeling that Something has to change and it's like the universe is literally pushing you on more of a dharmic path than anything like what you came here to do and And so what's the biggest thing that you learned Ashley from like taking this leap of faith? What's the biggest lesson you've learned in all this? Just to listen so here's how it all kind of went down. I bought a place down at the beach like a little fixer upper and I was on a conference call for work and it was one of these bombastic Chess something I know everything type of lawyer calls because you talk about logic add lawyer training on top of that right There's a lot and I just took a new pad and I went down to the beach and I just sat there with it and Without any intention of my own whatsoever on the page appears exit strategy and I just start in words always have come to me as its strategy and I just started writing about what that would look like and I don't know what I've learned from the whole thing. It's just to lean in because I resisted it I wrote the exit strategy and then I Bought the exit strategy for a couple years, but in just starting There's a release there's a freedom there's a creative outlet that I think each of us has inside of us It's meant to come out. It's meant to be shared stories are meant to be shared on the podcast I interview people who aren't doing life perfectly, but they have stories and the stories they're healing and Yeah, I just lean in sooner than I did It's so funny. It's like sometimes I've spoken about this with my friend Jay from spiritually raw before on this channel you know sometimes life pushes you to the point where you have no choice but to lean in and The funny thing is is like when you take those that that gamble when you do something that wasn't in your your plans To do and you just go with it the journey of that experience There's so many wonderful little nuggets of experiences that you you would have never lived if you didn't take that chance And I know people get very very stressed about the finances They get very stressed about not having the security that they had with the lawyer job or the corporate job or Whatever it is, but you know my boyfriend, which Ashley knows is very very big and being like but the universe always does provide It always works out everything always ends up working out. You just have to trust and sometimes I think that When we're used to having security as far as like finances or a job We don't even have an opportunity to realize where we're not trusting Right. It's only when you're pushed to the edge That you realize where your your lack of trust lies It's like Shri Swami Shrityananda says in his commentary of the yoga sutra is like anytime because I struggle with anxiety Anytime anxiety comes up. That's a way for you to realize where you're not trusting God You feel like you're out there by yourself And then when you start to see it in that perspective and the bigger picture of yourself as a soul Not just as a being but as a soul It's a beautiful experience because if you're living up, I hate using that word privilege I feel like that word's been you over you see the last few years. I don't think anybody is really privileged in this world We all have our own crosses to there But financially if you come from like a privileged background financially and you've never known that struggle You've never known what that's like then I don't think you have that offer that rare opportunity to really Lean on divinity and lean on God or whatever consciousness, whatever you call that, you know And so what what has that taught you ashram like going from this Standard scheduled life to now being kind of on your own like I was about to say free-balling for the people that it's kind of Kind of just free balling. You're just free. You're out there. Oh I think you're muted you're muted give it dogs barking up. Oh, that's okay. Ravi barks all the time, too It's okay. Hello is a great Pyrenees and he's guarding his sheep very carefully the thing um Yeah So I grew up with not a lot of financial security both my parents were schoolteachers and so I was used to just You know, but I was living their dreams as a lawyer and I will tell you that in the last year There's been a lot of financial insecurity and I've had to lean into faith and Okay, I'm gonna tell you a funny story but first I'll say there's that so I grew up in the southern Baptist tradition I'm a recovering southern Baptist. So I think Bochi scripture all day long All day honey, and sometimes I do go back to scripture for comfort because that's what I know and there's a verse I can't remember the exact Book and page, but it's you know, I I have plans to prosper you for I know the plans I have for you there plans to prosper you and You and I've taken a lot of strength from that and There's been a lot of empathy in that a lot of growth a lot of expansion and a lot of faith a Lot of faith because I had rejected the church But I never moved back into faith and hope I've always been in love love's been easy Love is easy faith and hope for me for a whole different ballgame. And so I've had to move back into that and I am grateful for the experience and it is hurt like hell, but Man, I wouldn't trade it No, yeah, it's it's um When you go through these trials and tribulations sometimes too, it's like they say it's gonna make or break you And I think the thing too what's amazing Ashley because I know obviously off-camera you have before all this happened You were working on yourself. You were already starting that journey and you can definitely see with you especially that that When you've taken the time to actually heal yourself and work on yourself when these obstacles come up They still come up. It's not like they're not going to come up. You're able to process them in a very different way and and observe tragedy and observe that friction and a very different way and a very human way Versus having a complete panic, you know and a complete meltdown. You're able to feel that panic feel that oh shit Oh shit. Oh shit, but still know that there that this too is going to pass and that that there is a purpose in All of this and I remember long a long time ago. I used to go to this like Sunday service. It was like a weirdo. So it was like a bunch of people who were spiritual, but not religious and I remember this one person talking about how when you know in the United States and the We drive on the right side of the road. So when you make a left turn, you have to stop You have to come to complete stop before you make your left turn to make sure there's no traffic And this person was saying, you know, it's kind of like in life when when things are Changing for you when your life is changing directions. You have to stop for a minute And you got let you know before you make that turn like that left turn, you know and sometimes in that stop where everything just kind of like collides and Money becomes weird or you change jobs and there's that that pause because things are about change directions and Sometimes certain things have to be kind of taken away from you in order for you not to rely on that old crutch when you're going into a new beginning and I think that a lot of people I know that people watching right now have been can probably relate to that because so many people lost their jobs So many with with the with this stellar economy. We have going on right now People are really I mean, it's a straight. It's I mean we we do pretty well But it's still like going to the grocery store every time we go to the grocery store We both come back and we're like what the fuck like what the actual fuck is this like it's unbelievable How the and that's out of your control. It's not it's it's it's, you know Yes, it's in our control on the extent of like what we vote for and what we do with the fraud that's been given to us but but In that moment, there's not a whole lot that you can do and you know my boyfriend who is is as Ashley knows me is a very sweet person very kind person and He always says, you know, the the lower they go the the lower the bad guys in your life goes So whether that's the government or whether that's a narcissistic ex the higher you get to go the more you get to be a Helping hand to somebody else and that's the opportunity that that this is providing us You know is like the the more abuse we take from our powers that be What a wonderful opportunity we now have to help each other out and to move forward together and and to say I understand I know what you're going through. I I get it, you know It's the illusion that we've all the Maya as they say in San Francisco the illusion is crumbling at this moment There's no hiding Anything about our lives now because we can't it is do or die at this point and so And I just I just think it's amazing Ashley that you you've you've handled this like boomerang in your life It's like change with such grace in a sense of humor, you know How are your kids handling you having a different job and not being the same schedule that you were on before? That's not good at all, you know to the grocery store point. Let's start there What an opportunity this last week? I was at the grocery store with my daughter and it was an opportunity to explain to her Like we are having to watch what we're spending but can you imagine? What this is for people right now like let's have a moment of prayer and empathy and compassion and concern For so many people that can't afford I had a broccoli right now. That's insane Yeah, very concerning and also probably part of the bigger structure that we're fighting against that means we are aren't eating Clean foods and good foods and all of that, but I could go down that rabbit trail all day long Oh, we will you're gonna come back Ashley because you got a lot of stuff to say We will what could be doing those episodes on a rumble, but yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah kids, you know, I think In the moment, it's been tough to say We used to be able to do all these things and we're not doing these things, but it's been good too. There's been appreciation. There's been Lessons that they might not have ever learned and so I'm grateful for that as as tough as it's been also, my daughter is is a very Naturally corporate personality my son's an artist, so he's like, let's go. Let's be a musician. Let's be theater Let's do all this for my daughters. I think I may want to be an HR consultant, you know, so If that has been hard for her to say mom I miss the days that you Got your hair done and you put on a dress and you went to the office and I hung out under your desk in the corner Office on the 40th floor like those were good days. I like seeing my mom empowered like that and So learning how to see one another empowered in a different way I was about to say but you're even more empowered now because you're in your sovereignty It's a journey. It's a journey. And if we gosh, it's a hard journey, but if we don't take it What generational things are we handing down? You know, the thing is to all look at that the thing is I You know, I think for kids as well. I just know from my experience I you know, I've shared on my channel I we're talking about the medical world and I grew up with a bunch of doctors in my family and For a very long time. I was very I whenever I'd have to go to the hospital for whatever reason whether I was picking someone up or going There myself I loved it. I loved being at the hospital. I felt so comfortable there I felt so safe there and it was because that was my family and over this 2020 disaster I started to question that a lot and so it could be too for children that they're They're correlating not just the job, but like that was her comfort, you know And so I mean these kids today that are being born are so freakin special and already like way more attuned than we were as kids But um, but yeah, and it might be you know, some some people just like the organization of Having a corporate job or being that knowing what they're doing at 8 o'clock in the morning Monday through Friday You know, like that's that's definitely a personality type And so but what an unique experience for her especially to see both sides of you as a woman, you know And Let me say this. Okay. If you choose the corporate eight five That's okay, too I think we need that in our world as it currently exists and some folks are Truly built for that and that's okay. Yeah, but there's a beauty there because there's a certainty to being able to say This is what I'm going to do. I'm gonna bookend this and then at the end of this I'm free to do whatever Am I allowed to After this because of this security, so it plays out different for different boats Yeah But at the end of the day what we think a lot of people watching or late to you on ash is that nagging That nagging and I've had those jobs before like before I went off to India ran off to India I had those jobs where I was so depressed Monday through Friday I hated the job and I lived out in Los Angeles like I hated it. I hated it so much I my my mood and depression would change on the weekends and then I would go back to being Completely a master in the week. I would watch the clock. I was just so miserable in my life So I know that feeling I got good paychecks for that misery But it's no way to live and some people are that that feel that are watching right now. I guess I mean I love how you said like permission to begin again like to give yourself I think a lot of people feel like they don't have that permission to start again And I hope for people watching if you take anything away from from this, you're the grander of that permission You know and just because you don't know where what starting again maybe looks like Create that exit strategy that you know will help free you because I can guarantee you having a mom or a dad Or a parent or a spouse that's happier in life is Way better than having a miserable partner spouse parents. That's miserable, but rich You know, I heard on the podcast. I'm a podcast junkie by the way, it's a whole thing But I heard on the podcast years ago What's the worst thing that can happen? Sit down and write it out. What is the absolute worst thing that could happen? Is it I end up living in my car? What what is that and then? Okay, let's say I end up living in my car, which pleasantly didn't happen like Okay, how do you get out of that? You're a resourceful human being figure out the worst and know that that's Unlikely to be the thing and then figure out the best and orchestrate toward that. I Know your joy along the way. I love that and I I have this like fear I've had this year since I was a little kid about being homeless And I don't know why because that's never been probably a past life thing And I have those fears a lot and I have to sit there and think about okay. Well, what if we lost our house? like what if AYA went down business-wise like what if something happened and I have to remind myself you're right There are the worst-case scenario probably would never happen Why because me like everybody watching right now has friends and family that would always step in if something was going Arrive, you know, and so you're right sit down think about the worst-case scenario and then backpedal from that a little bit because It's it's um and therapy my therapist will call it catastrophe thinking Which is a real thing you guys catastrophe thinking and so if you find yourself going to that place like which if you think oh my god I wish I could do what Ashley did. I wish I could just like that just sounds amazing But I'm terrified like if I leave my job the next week I'm gonna be homeless like is the likelihood of that is that an actual like or is that catastrophe thinking and when now that I know That's a thing I can catch myself when I start to catastrophe think I can catch myself and be like That's not likely to happen like that's you're good like and my 40 years on this planet no matter how bad things got God always provided there with the universe always stepped in and made sure I was okay And so I hope that people hear that and know that it's okay to be afraid like that that happens That's just but as they say what's the acronym for fear false evidence appearing real Every time every time you learn to trust yourself You are resourceful. You're amazing. You are full of love and light and joy and health and wealth and All of those things are right there But it's a faith exercise Yeah, absolutely, and I did a great episode with Jay We talked about this little bit too like people my friend Jay from spirits you were all we we talked about like You know you talk about you know your podcast is your hobby or YouTube was my hobby What whatever you like to do? Keep doing it because eventually you're gonna get sponsorships Eventually you're gonna get ad revenue Eventually you were going that's gonna grow into something that's going to then provide for you that financial Necessity that the job you hated did so keep don't lose yourself in that misery Because you're right Ashley. We are we are sparks of light and therefore we are creators That's what we came here to do is to create we are fractals of God You know when it when the sperm hits the egg a spark of light happens in that moment That's you that's you're that spark of light. You didn't come here to be miserable You didn't come here to sit in a cubicle if that's not what you want to do and stare at a computer screen all day You didn't come here to be a slave to a boss that you don't like you know And so you have that power that spark of light to course correct all of that You know and it's because you know misery that now you understand joy So see that as an exercise of understanding misery so that you can experience what joy actually is Only in darkness can we see the stars yep? Yeah, absolutely absolutely the emerald tablets say I thought says the emerald tablets We only know life because we know death It's the only reason why we know when we're in soul form when we don't have a mortal body We're living in we're just in our soul We don't do anything because we don't know life because there's no death with the soul So we have to come into this crazy hectic Planet to actually experience that friction to feel that to experience the misery so that we know the joy to to have that Understanding of death so that we can really live life. That's why we came here. So yeah, absolutely Well speaking of spirituality and guys we're gonna talk about some ghost stories But before we do that I just want to take a moment to say a quick Thank you to our sponsors asia So hold tight for one moment as there's a brief message from us. 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All right back to our show. All right you guys. Thanks for sitting I love my asia. I was actually telling ashlee about asia offline because she was like your hair's gotten so long I was like it's asia So and we love our asia asia is what allows me to do these podcasts these episodes on youtube completely for free Because they pay for you guys to be able to watch this completely for free. So we love our asia so much So anyway, let's talk about some juicy ghost stories. Shouldn't we ashlee? So I think I've said this on the channel before. I don't know. I forget what I say online and what I say offline Ashtanga yoga atlanta which is aya. It's our shala Yeah, it's it's a very sacred place where ashlee met met me or i met ashlee It is in an area of atlanta called inman park inman park is A very old area of atlanta It's near oakland cemetery, which i've covered on this channel It's it's there's a lot of um civil war markers around this area And the building where aya is located is notoriously haunted and um We had before a long time when I first started teaching there I would be there like by myself at dark 30 in the morning Back in the office and I would hear boots walking around in the main room And I would go out to see if a student was there and there would be nobody there Or I would walk in I don't even know if I've told you this ashlee I would walk in when I used to teach lead on friday and sometimes the door would be wide open Which Todd would get mad at me and be like don't go in there if it's open I'm like, what are people stealing? It's a yoga shala. There's nothing in here. It's an empty room But I would go in and like the the two faucets in the bathroom I made two bathrooms the faucets would be on full blast And then there would be there's a there's a sink in the back office and that faucet would be on full blast too Like whoever left we we rent space out during the night and then the day So whoever left would have heard this would have heard all the seats on so there nobody turned them on And so for a long time when I first started teaching there I didn't say anything to Todd like about What I was hearing because I didn't want to come across as like a weirdo But one day I just like asked and I was like is this place haunted and he goes. Oh, yeah, it's totally haunted I was like we probably should have told me that before Before I started heads up about the ghost, please I thought I was crazy for a moment there. Um and anyway, so Yeah, there's all these businesses around there's like a school preschool on the other side and they've said that they've come in Their toys have been thrown around the room. Um, the it's an Italian restaurant now, but it used to be like a Like a tea room Latino Like a latin restaurant or they had a big buda in there That apparently took many men like to move as a huge statue and they would come in the morning and the statue would be on The other side of the room So all it's the land that's haunted basically is what I'm saying. It's not just aya. It's the whole building That's actually haunted now with that being said. I have have you ever felt threatened at aya actually like ever felt And I've never felt threatened there have been mornings that are coming in that I've since Presences and I've had to pray Over it, but I've never felt Unsafe it's just an awareness Yeah, and I don't know if you remember when I would teach so usually with a with ash dango We we teach in a style called mysore, which is what most days are where it's we open at like 5 30 We close at eight the student comes at any point and works privately with the teacher So students are coming and going it's an incredible way to practice But on Fridays we do a leg a lead class is the only leg class and we play no music in traditional You know, it's just a count egg. I'm inhaled way exhale. I keep it. We keep it kind of like Um, oh for music. What's that thing called that keeps the beat anyway? Oh, but Metronome metronome. Yeah, we try to keep it on like a metronome to keep people It's like a collective meditation So I would be teaching lead and basically I would stand or sit at the back of the room and I would count And I the the door would be shut to the lobby and many times during lead I don't know if you ever noticed this Actually if I get up and let go open the door and look in the lobby because I would think a student came in late And I was going to open the door and tell them just to come on and it's fine But there would be nobody there or I would see a body walk across through the through the curtains And there would be nobody there and I'd be like, oh, it's I called them Tom Because we figured that this was a a ghost from the civil war that had obviously died during the civil war and Just because the feeling that you got the boots. It was just a very civil war-esque feeling Well, this one day Todd used to teach these Sunday morning, um Chanting vetic chanting classes that people would come before the practice And he's an incredible sanskrit Guy he's an incredible chanter And so he really loves doing these classes And he texts me and I teach at a separate place on Sundays. He texts me and he was like, oh my god I saw Tom he was like we were sitting around doing the chanting and he goes. I noticed that Ashley looked like she was about to pass out And I noticed that Tom was sitting beside her basically feeding off of Ashley's energy in order to appear And I told as we were catching up before we started feeling I told like Ashley I don't know if you know this story and you were like, so go ahead. Go ahead. Ashley. You take it from there Well, so I remember it was it was holiday time. And so there was a party at the shala It was right after this had happened and I remember sort of going like out of My body and you guys told me about it at a party That there was this entity sitting next to me and I kind of freaked out and I I talked with um an intuitive about it And she was like no that would be possession if that came out of your body, right? She's like that may have been your guide. I have well I'm gonna I'm gonna stop right there because it's not possession And that's no so yeah it so and that happens to me a lot that happens to me a lot So when you are a high vibrational person Meaning that because I've seen spirits my whole life And I didn't know what this was I would go places and I would start to feel very drained of energy Like where I've had a really hard time like focusing you're being fed off of So there are light beings and there are light eaters now sometimes like my friend Cindy who does So possession is completely different you guys so possession Um when you get possessed by a spirit you have to actually ask the spirit to come into you So possessions don't just happen accidentally you have to actually invite them in so I hope that like dissipates any fear people have but what happens is In sometimes which this case with tom. I don't think he was trying to hurt Ashley I think he just When you have like disembodied like dead dudes basically like dead dead people's fear It's not like angels or demons, but like people who are like disembodied and they're confused or we can get into that more They they see somebody like Ashley or like myself who who who has a certain Light or a certain and they cling to you because you then are able to potentially communicate with them And so they're using that your energy in order to for you to see them And it's not that they are doing it again intentionally unless it's like a demon With black magic what I've learned is that demons won't come to you Unless you summon them or somebody sends them to you, right? So again, you can't just walk around somewhere and all of a sudden demons attached to you. That's not how that works, right? So, um, yeah, they have you have to be and the reason why if you go back biblically Demons are what fallen angels Well, what they neglect to tell us at vacation bible school is that these demon didn't fall by choice They were kidnapped basically They were kidnapped and so they're chained they're chained to lucifer And they're chained to witches and warlocks who use black magic and then they get chained to the person that is Is the spells being sent to so they don't want to be there like you don't like it's it's a very Nonconsensual thing right so demons are not going to hurt you unless they're being forced to by somebody else Or you invite them by them in yourself But with disembodied dead dudes It's an they're they don't know that's what they're doing. And so that's what I think I think he saw ashley that you are a beacon of light and he because Go ahead finish the story because there's a reason you you could you talk So in in my mind at the time I rationalized it as one of my spirit guides just wanted to sit with us because it's such a beautiful Intense positive energy that I just thought it's my spirit guy I think one of them and he and he wants to be here because it's beautiful Um, and I kind of wrote it off right because it wasn't a harmful. It didn't hurt. It wasn't You know, it was gentle, but it was also intense um, and so A couple years later when I was just really struggling I I reached out to you and I said Dude, the energy is not right. I feel like I'm just being held down Right and and I couldn't figure out how to get out of it and there was a lot going on That we won't get into but one of the things that you suggested to me was this hypnosis therapy And so I went into this like light hypnosis and the process was to identify energies that might have been attached and to help them release and to go into the light And there were several and and it was It was intense. I'm still processing it But one of the energies that came up in the second session was perhaps Tom Because I had this whole I could be just sound like a complete nut but whatever No, we oh listen girl. You're this is the weirdo channel You know, um, I'm gonna trust that you know, whoever's listening I just received the the love that it is shared but but um in my hypnotic state A confederate soldier came to me And said In a very southern accent half drunk Like we just tried to get out of here And I said, well, all right honey. Let's let's go like let's go into the light Let's let's find what I'm gonna pray that you Find your way and he says can I bring my buddies with me? I said, yeah, go get your buddies like let's just pray you into the light and and they start whooping and hollering and whiskey toast in and running Okay, and then the lead guy, I guess he's Tom comes back and says that's not everybody And that's what we'll go ask them if they want to go to And he came back a little bit discouraged and he said that they they don't go And I said, well, we got a lot of you know, you got you and your buddies. Are you good? He's like hell. Yeah, and he was like It was like a party and I just remember saying I'll use southern boys and They were gone and there was a peace That makes people and that's that's um, so and I told you actually I said I since I I I don't go to shawl that much anymore. Um There's a for reason why I don't go that much anymore. We had some people kind of show up at the shawl that yeah, so um, anyway, but I hear that the activity in the shawl is is very quiet now And so I it's gonna be I'm gonna go tell Todd after this the story You just told me because we were trying to figure out why it was so quiet And I knew you know we all knew that tom as I called him was an intelligent haunting like he knew he was dead There was one morning I he was being really really really loud and it was before led class like so loud That I was pretty certain he was going to materialize and I've seen spirits before But it's still a lot actually but it still can be kind of shocking when you see it And so I said I remember sitting in the back office and I said out loud by myself at like five o'clock in the morning I was like listen I hear that you're here. I I I I honor that you're here in this space But I have to teach soon And I'm a lady And if you materialize there is a chance I could shit my pants And I don't have another pair of pants to change into so I'm a lady and I don't want and it stopped at that moment when I kind of expressed that I was getting a little uncomfortable it completely stopped and so I I Have known that he was an intelligent haunting but and you could tell like You know when we talk about people like at aya at at ashton, you know Traditional yoga Ashtanga being one of one of the lineages is very can be very demanding It's it's you don't just go to ashtanga just for shits and giggles, right? You don't it's an early morning practice It's going to kick your ass. It's going to bring you to your knees. It's going to make you cry It's really only sustainable practice for people who really want to do the work Who are really interested in and healing themselves and and getting out of their own way um, and so with that being said Most of the students in that space are people like ashley Who are questioning life who have a higher vibration that wants something that's real They don't want to go to like a fake yoga class. They want to go to a real Real yoga class a real lenient. They want a real teacher And so you have a lot of very sincere people in there that are of the light themselves And so it makes sense That someone like tom and his if he was the ringleader for his buddies We're trying to get the fuck out of here like I would have been like boo same like take me with you Same um, you know that that they that that they would have of cling to students at aya to help them Because they they saw a kindred spirit they saw somebody that That was trying to to find that that alignment with the light with that with god and um That makes me feel better that he's now moved on that would suck to be stuck in a disembodied state for like 150 years Can you imagine? You bet and can you imagine the party on the other side? I know well the fact they were drinking whiskey makes me feel a whole lot better because if I got stuck Disembodied I want to at least know that there's some whiskey to be drunk It was such a party on the way out and what I have such a visual of these guys leaving and It was joy. There was so much joy and I do like party. Yeah, I know same. We're southerners. Listen We'll get drunk on a Saturday night and be at church on sunday morning. That's how it works out here In the south We like our alcohol down here. We like it. We like it a lot Um, so is that so so actually have you had other like your whole life? Have you just been attracted to the spirit or have spirits been attracted to you? um I would say it that way um, I have experiences so I I think I'm still learning but I think I'm clear audience and so I hear Yeah Things um and sometimes words just come to me. So one of the reasons I started the blog is because words were just Coming through me and I would wake up at 3 a.m. And I would hear like I just did a blog post called write the pain because the The noise in my head was right the pain right pain I was like, damn it. Do I have to do this right now? It gets 10 o'clock at night I'm ready to go to bed and they were like, well, it's 10 a.m. Or 3 a.m. You choose So I just start writing and sometimes the words I feel like aren't necessarily up me but through me So mine is always been words always. Yes. Have you ever done automatic writing? Yeah, you tried that. Yeah I'm more clear. Um, I see a more clairvoyant. I see, um Is that clairvoyancy? I see I hear With um magdalene. I hear magdalene, but I see and I get messages from what I see Um, that's kind of what but yeah, mine started when I was My when my mother was in labor with me. I had my heart kind of stopped And so I think that's where it started. So I don't know life without being able to see um An experience and I get attacked a lot. We people know that Ashley knows that she's seen the pictures too. So, you know, I think as a child I was very tuned into it because I would hear as a as a little girl I would hear and I was like the radios on And nobody else is hearing the radio like never the radio song. There's music. It's happening. It's like something Out here, but as you get older and particularly if you're in a very traditional setting you just tune the radio off Right and then when life starts to shake up for you The radio starts to tune that con if you're willing to listen and I'm still working through it And recently I was kidding. I was um at the salon because this doesn't happen Naturally I was at the salon and she was washing my hair and I had crazy flashes of purple Crazy I never have this before. Maybe you do this because you see things crazy person. Does purple mean something to you? She was she like girl. You have no idea what purple means to me You know, so I think the more we start to tune into it. There's there's that gift for you And that is um, you know with the yoga the third and fourth potta, which you know They they they tell you don't teach the third and fourth potta until a student's been Irregular for like 10 15 years But it's already that you know when you he's not censored when you buy the yoga sutras They're right there and they talk about these cities and cities are like You know people laugh and they call them the yogi powers. Some of them are things like levitation um others the more basic city is intuition and These are things again that yes, we were born with we lose them as we go through the matrix as we go through And I I agree with you. I think it's very intentional that we lose them Um that that they they kind of make us especially for women and we know that the feminine energy for men too So men and women both carry both masculine feminine energy But the feminine energy across the board is the intuition And for women, especially though who are dominant feminine energy Um, how many times is a woman have you been told you're crazy or or you must be hormonal? You know when you're saying something's not right something's not right and women have to be dominant in that intuition because they're mothers right even even women who are not mothers have that Six sense with children sometimes like that they can pick up on things that maybe men can't pick up on And that's because they're dominant and the feminine energy Um the womb the the uterus is a is an organ that kind of gives a lot of that power to women that Intuitional power Literally like the liver is anger and you know, whatever but the the womb the uterus for women is very very powerful Organ for um for this kind of magic that women You know, it's like when a woman is able to lift a car off of a child Out of the blue, you know, that's where that's coming from. And so I think that they have Worked very hard. They the proverbial they the controllers of the world to disconnect us From that magical side and energy isn't confined energy is timeless And so when you're around somebody even if they're not speaking to you There's almost a telepathic communication happening whether you're aware of it or not you know, and so um It's it's it's powerful. So I absolutely yeah, I see colors So colors sometimes represent angels as well. So like purple is michael So if you ever see like swirls of purple, it can be michael that's around you. Um So yeah, uh, it's it's wild and and sometimes actually I think sometimes people don't even realize that they're having a spiritual experience Because they're just used to these weird and on anomalies happening for them and they just think it's them being quirky They don't realize that it's an actual spiritual experience like ringing in the ears. That's a spiritual experience Um seeing colors. Yeah, just knowing things about people sometimes Um, I've had that happen before many times where I'll just know something about someone and I'll mention something and they're like I never told you that it's like It's I just knew it, you know, so um, my sister the other day Yeah, so I was adopted as a baby um, and later found my family my birth family and my sister's name is ashley That's wild Which I just did a podcast on the whole meaning of a name and whether we are gifted names in the womb um And where all that comes from and I kind of explored all the different spiritual variations of name But um, my sister works with um the dying This is what she does And she was describing to me about a year ago one of her patients and she said I'm really worried about his Cognitive function and and how to help them and in my mind I could see her sitting at a table With a puzzle Did you get him a puzzle? She's how did you know I said sister I just I just knew that's what she would do and so sometimes these things come to us and all I would say is Just ask and don't ignore it to happen to it. Be curious about it And the spirit world doesn't want to scare you like it like like I said when I told tom like don't They'll stop if it's too much, you know, don't be afraid to say this is too much um I used to do that at church when I was a little kid Like I would hold my pee all throughout sunday school So I could go pee during big church because big church was so boring So like I would hold it and we go through the first part was like singing songs and stuff and then when the preacher would start His preaching that's when I'd be like mom I have to go to the bathroom and I would like hold my pee just to go But I'd be sitting in the toilet like a little kid and I'd be like Don't come to me. Jesus. Don't come to me Like don't show yourself. I don't want to see no angels, you know, like, you know I'd be like freaking out because I felt so guilty that I had held my pee like all sunday school just to Just to be able to sneak out of big church, but I'm sure that your instincts I wonder if that was just your natural instinct not to hear the way that the word was being shared probably I I I have questions about the church. I went to it's um I've been very I mean, I I think that there are a lot of churches out there that are innocent Like they don't realize what they're actually doing um But I have questions about the church I went to and I will say I there's like a preacher man At the church I went to that I actually went to high school with now He's like worked his way up into like being a preacher and he actually Did my grandmother's funeral service To with you. Yeah, yeah, I was it was there I was pissed me off because he obviously knew nothing about my grandmother and um The whole pitch it was a sales pitch her funeral was a sales pitch Because my grandparents were rich And he wanted to he talked a lot about how much money they'd given to the church and it was very creepy It was very weird. It was like you are literally trying to rope In my dad and his sisters to giving her money to the church to you basically Um, and I and I got even more upset because this was a guy I'd grown up with And I was like, how fucking dare you you little piece of shit You knew this woman You know us you grew up with us How dare you How dare you, you know, that's how I kind of felt and every time now that I go to like a funeral service I get cracked up because I'm not, you know, when you when you get used to things when you you get used to things, right? Like when you're in church and I remember being another funeral service for a friend of mine's mom that passed away And my mother went with me and it was at the church that I had grown up with my mother hadn't been there years either And the old preacher man came to do the service that I had grown up with And he was giving the sermon the sermon and both my mom and I started laughing because it was so ridiculous He was like overacting. He was like pretending to cry It was and people were sitting there. I'm like you guys can't see how much bullshit this is like he's bullshitting you He's bullshitting you Like he's pretend this is all pretend and then my friend's dad got up and spoke and that was sincere And that was like gut-wrenching to hear him speak, but I thought yeah, so I don't know maybe it was because I never um I was saying this I was on davie jackson's channel a couple nights ago talking about the lost books of the bible And I said I think I said it on air the god that I've always known Is not the god they taught us about a church These are two different beings The god that I know and I have known since I was a child is extremely loving and merciful And has never been mad at me and has always welcomed me with open arms the god I learned about at church is an asshole Who wants human blood who wants blood sacrifices who wants you to feel like you're going to hell? These are two different beings entities The preachers at my church did wear black robes which we now know that that is means they've been Sworn into the cult of satan when they wear a black robe um Thank you jordan maxwell for that information Um, you know, so there there's some questions I have I have a lot of and I actually would love to sit down and talk to the Guy I went to school with that did my grandmother's funeral and I would love for him to to be honest And I would love to ask him like honestly Do you know that the name jesus means hell satan? Are you aware of that? And if if you aren't aware of it, why aren't you aware of it? You're a preacher. This is your industry Why wouldn't you research these things because we know the j sound didn't exist back then So why why the name jesus his name was yeshua You replaced the y with the j. That's joshua. Where did jesus come from? You know, so I would love to sit down with them and just ask them be like Why why do you preach these things? If you're not researching them and it's great I will say there is a lot of and I've forgotten some of the names of the youtube channels Now I apologize it was back when I was heavily studying the missing books of the bible I found all these youtube channels that are run by x pastors And there are a lot of them are run by some baptist minister pastors minister whatever word is used I don't I forget which domination uses which word but um They had started reading the lost books of the bible and by reading the lost books of the bible They denounced their career because they realized that they were living a lie Um and became outspoken about the missing books of the bible and and the fact that the church is lying to you I mean, I remember I was talking about with them how um church comes from a greek goddess demon And it's that hypnotizes you and feeds off your soul That's what church means And It makes sense. I mean like that's why why don't we call it a temple? Why don't we call it a synagogue? And you know, why don't we why don't we call it a church? These are asking these questions When you talk about the innocent Versus the knowing So I grew up in an innocent hellfire and grimstone church. She's not possible, but it was innocent It was pure in its belief And when I was in late middle school early high school, we got a new preacher And the innocence was lost And it was the business of church and it was a knowing of what was being done So what you say just resonates so much and then we lost one of my dear friends unexpectedly we were juniors in college and he was killed For no good reason and the church used it as a marketing tool And it was at that point that I broke from the church because I could not believe they were using my friend's death as a marketing tool to bring the sinners in Yeah, I just I was done I was absolutely done So yeah, but I do think there is an innocence in some of it and a purity and a lot of the people who raised me Were the best of people And we're the most loving of people and we're just simply seeking family Yeah, and and it's a cultural thing too like in the south being a Protestant and being Baptist Presbyterian meant This is all very cultural as well Um, it's a social it's a social environment I will tell you I remember when youth group started, um, for me when I was like We had like I think we're like 12 or 13 And we had this youth director my first year in youth group at at the church And he was so cool. I don't think we ever talked about Jesus. I don't think we ever I And I look back now and like the way he ran the program was just so awesome Like he had us all in there and he would like order domino's pizza We'd sit around and talk about music He would ask us about our classes You know here all these like 12 13 year old innocent kids who they already know who Jesus is like You don't need to like just talk to them like kids, you know And then he got a job and left and we got another youth director the next year and that's when like all hell broke loose This guy now that everything's come out about bill gothard and the i blp and the shiny happy people documentary I feel like this guy was on that path to Bringing us into that because I went to a private school and so When I got into high school My school was a half boarding half day school And so the academic day would end at like 3 30 But then we were required to do after school activities on campus And I think that was because of the boarding students to keep them to keep them safe And so we wouldn't get home until like five o'clock in the afternoon Well, I had eight classes a day and this was a preparatory school So they required 45 minutes to an hour's worth of homework per class every night. So I I have a lot of PTSD from high school. I have a lot of um I would get sick a lot like I it was awful, but with that being said because of that The darlington kids the kids that my said church that went to my school could not do Wednesday night Church anymore like we did in middle school We could not do it in high school because we were stuck at the school and then we had all this homework And on Sunday, I remember after I'd started high school It was a Sunday school like youth group before big church and you walked in and the stage set up He's playing his guitar and all that kind of stuff and this this youth director did this sermon that all the darlington kids We're going to go to hell Because we were prioritizing Our school over church And so that shit started and I remember going thank god for my mom because my mom was like god's not church And my job as a parent is to make sure you're prepared for the world as an adult So you're at your school is school comes before youth group god comes first, but the church isn't god Right god separate from the church god comes first then your school Then after school activities, which Wednesday night youth group is an after school activity Um, I remember I was a huge I come from a family of like big music lovers Like I when we were little my mom and my dad saved all of their records from like the 70s and I was born in 83 So remember my sister and I would sit and play with their record player and listen to like Led Zeppelin The who you know all these great bands from the 70s and I'm grateful My parents still had that secular love of secular music And so when I was in school and like Alanis Morcette was getting big and like the bluest travelers and the presidents of the United States of America Y'all remember that band um and so that same youth director gave this lecture About of how we had any of those CDs. They were CDs back then we were going to go to hell And so I was so freaked out I remember going home and getting all of my CDs and walking to the The kitchen to throw them away my mother stopped me and she's like, what are you doing? And I was like, you know, I won't say his name But the youth director said we're going to go to hell if we have this music and my mother said The mother goes do you do you find joy when you listen to your music? And I said yes, she goes then you keep those CDs because God is joy So I think he I said that switch happens that switcheroo happens Where before and we had this great youth director that would talk to us about music and would ask us like Oh, yeah, I love this band too or I love that band or you know And then we had this other guy who was just trying to control and he would come to my school Like I remember we would have these free one free period And all of us would use it in the library to study because we were trying to keep up. It was just so My college years were nothing compared to my high school I I had already done all those classes and I remember being at that cubicle like frantically studying And he would come and take his t-shirt and put it over your head So your head's this grown-ass man like I'm like 15 16 years old and he's I'm feeling this hairy chest In my head and I it was so inappropriate. It was so inappropriate and but so that's kind of You know, you see these church groups so talking about the knowing versus the innocence versus the knowing like what was this dude doing? like what the fuck was he doing like Making us and then I had a really good friend growing up who was muslim and and not Not once ever did we speak about religion? Like I went to Ramadan at her house like she would come over for Christmas that like it was very respectful Like we were she was just my friend And I remember this particular evil youth through youth director pulling me aside once and telling me that if I didn't witness to To my friend in her family about Jesus If they go to hell, it's going to be my fault And I remember going home and being so upset and my mother sat me down and she was like I'm not going to pretend to understand the mysteries of god But your friend and her family they're going to be in heaven with us Do not go there. I mean so you see these It's it's it's just I just and then a parent and then I found out after I went off to college D facts had to get involved with this youth director because something like happened with one of the The kids and the church did nothing to like punish the youth director All they did was send them to another presbyterian church Talk about evil That did is somewhere else Exactly like go go be prey go go prey on some other innocent kids who whose parents think they're doing the right thing By dropping you off at the church And you're literally conditioning them to be an occult Let's talk about your mom And the strength of the woman who was able to call bullshit On some of that even though recognizing that the church was a part of her community and a part of her system That she was able to question And she gave that to you. Yeah, I'm very I'm so appreciative My mother was actually I was I talked about my mother yesterday Are the other day with davie from iblp and my friend hanji um My mother was very cool when it came to that kind even though she's a conservative christian like she was very like When we were little I remember being in a sunday school and um my sunday school teacher told us that animals Don't go to heaven because they don't have souls and Like all the kids started crying because we all have we all have pets and I went home and cried to my mom And now granted my mother's not really an animal person like all of our dogs were outside dogs Um, but my mother got so upset. She marched her Southern little ass down to that church and was like, how dare you how dare you first of all How abusive is that to say to a child who loves their pets? Second of all, you're not god. So how do you know? Third of all in the book of revelation it talks about the horsemen. Well, there can't be horsemen if there are no horses So my mother was like, uh, your your dogs are going to be in heaven with you You know and I so I so she was very my mother could be feisty could be sassy at times when it came to that kind of that kind of stuff You know, so yeah, it's um, I'm very grateful that she stepped in and said no, no No, no, no, maybe that's why maybe miss last minute. Maybe that's why I did the missing books of the bible It was that sassiness from my mom to be like, no, no, this is not right I mean this came from somewhere Well, my dad's mom the one that had the shitty funeral She tried to teach me to meditate when I was eight years old and she believed in reincarnation. So There you go What preacher man didn't mention that at the funeral, did he? Thank you so much. Gosh. Oh, there's stories are and you know healing the wounds the trauma of Our church past and yet sitting with the love that was there Those are hard issues to reconcile or at least they have been for me That's been part of the journey is reconciling the anger and the frustration and the pain and the betrayal with Love and the compassion of the people who were There as a child. Yeah. I need some my favorite saying these days is two things get to be true Two things get to be true You can have a Narcissistic system like a lot of churches are narcissistic systems where there is narcissistic abuse in a system But you can also have really good memories From the people you grew up with at church the the kids you went to sunday school with the You know, some if you have the adults that were really great to you You know, two things get to be true Um, and I think that's that's a bigger discussion too when it comes to like narcissistic abuse I've been in a narcissistic relationship. My boyfriend has been I know you went through a rough divorce And that's why it's so hard for people. I think to leave those relationships because two things get to be true There can be intense amount of abuse, but there can also still be love And so that's why it's so hard for people to pull themselves away um, it is that it's that complexity of being human and having complex thoughts and feelings and um Yeah, for sure or sure. I I mean, I'll tell you one funny story too about my church. So my sister When she married her husband, my sister's got a great husband comes from a really good family and but they're catholic His mom's family is from italy And there's not many catholics down here in the south like we're very Protestant down here so very rare to find someone who's like catholic and Steven's family his dad was always Methodist But his mom raised him Catholic because of the Italian heritage And that was really important to my brother-in-law that that their kids be raised Catholic just to hold on to some of that Italian heritage not a lot of Italians down here in the south either That's mostly the the new england area or new york. Um, we're mostly british down here. Um so When my when my nephew was born Uh, my sister asked me to be his godmother because they do that in the catholic I don't we don't do godparents in the Protestant churches, but the catholic church Yes, and so I had to go take these classes To be his godmother because i'm not catholic so to go take i'm a nerd. So I love taking these classes I was like any day i'll take these classes Well, I had to get from my from the presbyterian church. I had to get um the program from Easter of 1983 when I was baptized So they had proof that I had been baptized with water like water had been put on my head They had to have that proof so that I could qualify to be his godmother Well, I called the president the church I grew up in to get them to see if they can send me On files so I could and I explained um why I needed it so I could be my nephew's godmother And the person on the other one was so rude and nasty to me. She was like catholics are going to hell So i'm not going to send you this And I said this this is my baptism. This is my nephew I this is my paperwork. I need this my grandfather who was alive at the time He was an elder at the church I know walker was so pissed. He drove his big-ass Lincoln because all old people get Lincoln's 100% or down down to the church with his walker He hovered in there and he was like I need my granddaughters And I don't think they realized that's who I was I don't think that they realized I was at Watson's granddaughter Because he gave a lot of money and he got the paperwork for me so that I could go and be but I mean that's that's the The arrogance just the arrogance Of that secretary at the first presbyterian church to say I'm not giving you your paperwork because your nephew and your sister and your brother-in-law are going to go to hell because they're catholics The arrogance. Where is the law? It's evil. It's pure evil, isn't it? Pure evil. I got baptized twice That's probably the first time didn't take second I got dumped all the way down Although I got dumped twice because I was afraid. I was afraid for muscle I've heard that who who's that comedian that said he didn't baptize like seven times like he would go and do a sin I can get baptized I'm a gold star kind of kid, you know, I just needed that gold star twice on the chart I need three insurance Oh, we're good. Yeah, because you you baptist you guys dunk. We don't dunk in the presbyterian church We just sprinkle we do it as babies So you don't even remember your baptism and they just sprinkle water on your head like my children were baptized in the presbyterian church Yeah, the people said amen, but yeah in the baptist church you get suited up in these like I don't know Like spacesuit type things that were sort of water resistant and they would balloon up on you And you'd go down the stairs So there's the girl's changing room and the guy's changing room and you'd be in there You like you'd be a five-year-old kid with a 70-year-old woman who had gotten jesus, right? You get suited up in these things and you'd go down in the past We'll be in his white flowing robe in the water and you would get dumped in front of the Whole church and then you were okay like it was a recognition of your profession of fate But I have to say that the the back like the changing room was kind of fun to hang out in You know It's a social experiment just go and get baptized a bunch of times and go do it I mean the presbyterian church what they take the baby They hold them they put the water on the baby's head. They hold the baby up They make the congregation say do you agree to help raise this child? Blah blah blah blah and everyone goes I do I do They put the baby the baby used to cry a little bit and then the mama or the daddy the daddy holds the baby Oh, the mom doesn't even hold the baby. It's father that holds the baby. Um In ours the the pastor went around with my babies Oh, really? Well the father would hold so the father brought the baby the mother just stood there I mean bless her heart. She just pushed that child out of her body And now she's just going to have to stand there like a side piece Um, the father brings it up handed to the pastor the pastor the father holds the baby Why the pastor does the dunking of the water? Um, and then they have the pastor holds the baby up like Simba from the lion king Yes So everyone can see this baby and you know the babies you start crying at that point It's just had cold water put on its head. Bless its heart. Um, it's in the mother Yeah, and then the mother gets the baby afterwards and has to take the baby back to the nursery afterwards Because the baby can't sit throughout the whole baptism Yeah, it's a thing my nephew any because you know catholics Presbyterian charts the baptisms like what five ten minutes very quick Catholics, it's a whole mass So when my nephew got baptized they use a bunch of oils And they warned my sister that sometimes with babies when they use the oils it will Relax their digestive system. So they'll get blowouts well The pastor or the preacher was priest Was holding my nephew up with all this oil this chubby baby and all of a sudden the biggest fart Just ricochets Throughout the whole mass from charlie and of course my immature ass started laughing And I could not stop and my sister kept nudging me And i'm like i'm like so they're like trying not to lose it. I'm like Hold it together We saw like 30 minutes left of a whole baptism ceremony to go to and my nephew just literally shat his pants Meanwhile, they're in this beautiful gown this traditional like family heirloom type situation Yeah And and my my side of family that was there is all protestant So you see the the what the my my side my sister's side and none of them know what to do because we don't kneel in the presbyterian church So we're just don't even know what to do and all and then the catholic side the italian side They're all like gold chain lurking like you know mafioso looking dudes from italy. It was hysterical And then there's charlie my nephew and charlie You know my my brother-in-law is very italian very he's got blue eyes, but very dark And so I just assumed that the babies will come out dark But charlie came out like blonde and like so he looked like my sister like my very Just kind of like shitting his pants while he's getting saved saved by the lord, you know Out demon out I say And so yeah, it's it's it's all it's I mean Even my boyfriend was baptized and he told his parents at like 12 years old. He wasn't going to church anymore. So It took me to college to say I wasn't going to church anymore And that was a whole thing because it's interesting when your parents choose the church instead of you But that's another story for another day. I will say about the baptism and all that I think there is something Restful to ritual. There is something kind of narrative to ritual We have to be careful that we understand what the ritual is about Yeah, oh, yeah Well, I I did a deep dive into baptisms on my own and I don't even know if I've talked about him on my channel because You know, so my boyfriend's family Settled the whole Tampa Bay, Sarasota area back in like the 1800s And there's a Methodist church down there that his great great great whatever grandfather actually built And that is where his parents still go to church and that's where he was baptized And I always thought if we did have a child then I would have them baptized because of ritual because of family In that church because that would be his heritage But then I found out what baptism was like the root of that. Do you know what root of it is? You know why you are white? Why they know they're anointing you for sacrifice Well, one time I wore white in the space suit and one time I wore red Oh girl Okay, just saying I mean, they're not really sacrificing kids now obviously but but um When I researched that with the root of where that comes from I was like, holy shit I was like that. I don't know if I'm comfortable with this now Like you know, but uh, but yeah, it's it's um, there is that cultural thing though That's there and it is very innocent and that's that's the yoga practice the yoga practice is a daily ritual It's it isn't itself a daily like good baptism because you're cleansing yourself before you start your day You know, so it's um, but it's so I mean I could nerd out on all the secret Hidden messaging and and I'm sure there's even more and other fates too that I haven't even like looked into yet You know, it's um from what the casio P and say though, it's mace basically the Abrahamic faith So Christianity Islam and Judaism that are really Corrupted and that have really the other ones not so much so Okay, so we were we were the lucky lot of winners that got put in the corrupt ones So by the end of the day all that matters is your intention All that matters is is what's in your heart and if you're willing to be of service to humanity and all that kind of stuff So girl we've been going for over an hour. I could talk to you all day and I cannot wait to have you back We can do so many episodes. I definitely want to do an episode on your Your past with as you said you before we started filming you're like I've represented Satan so many times Yes, I am a corporate lawyer. Yeah, so I've seen a lot of things and um Had a lot of great experiences as a result, but I have represented every form of Satan Yes, so we definitely are going to do another episode on that We'll do that one on rumble so we can speak freely and I do want to do one about the idea of like what that's like to go Through the trauma of parents choosing a religion over their children Because we've been doing a lot of culture on this channel as well. I've had some Scientologists on I've had Obviously Davey from the IVLP on I've uh, I've had Kelly my friend Kelly teal from nexium So I would love to to explore that more because I think a lot of people do experience that rejection um Over, you know, religion over over the person. So well, all right you guys once again, please all of Ashley's links to her blog to her podcast are all down in the description box below So make sure that you go and you hit that subscribe button And you start listening to her podcast because Ashley. I know her off-camera. She is delightful She's an incredible human being she's hysterical And so I I'm sure that you all will enjoy her podcast very much and actually I can't wait to have you back on Let's do it. This was so this is just great. Maybe a whole day. Oh me too. Me too All right you guys we will talk you soon. Bye everybody