 Hi everyone, I'm already having fun with my my client here We were just having a bit of a laugh before this recording. So I think you'll enjoy this video I'm with one of my clients Marina Smerling and really looking forward to introducing Her to all of you and having her share some of the wisdom She's gained in building her coaching business and also the kind of wisdom she offers to Her clients. So first of all, hi Marina. Hi George. It's so lovely to be here with you Yeah, thanks for doing this. It's I know it's late over there for you right now. So thanks for staying up for this So let me first give everybody a context of what you do and I'll just kind of read your official bio And we'll kind of go from there Marina is a life and relationship coach and she has supported hundreds of women in creating thriving Relationships that are founded on radical self-acceptance, and maybe I'll have you talk a bit about what that means or to you Marina supports women in working through their intimate relationship challenges Composting their underlying feelings of shame into radical self-love and Saying yes to what brings them joy Marina's work draws upon over a decade of training in NBC nonviolent communication as well as the Hakomi methods mindfulness and Sematic-based approach to transformation and also non-dual spiritual practice. There's so much we can talk about Here we might we might not tip dip our toe into some of this stuff because there's so much here But anyway, I love I love the work you do, but let's start given that most of the folks watching this We are working on building their own business of some kind Some of them are just starting out and some of them are further along Maybe you can share given that you have a fairly successful coaching practice. So what have you learned? In building this and there's yeah, I'll just kind of let you share what's what's coming to you. Yeah, okay Well First I just want to say hello. It's all of my fellow entrepreneurs and risk-takers It's nice to feel your companionship through the the Facebook ether And this is gonna be on YouTube as well. So ah and the YouTube ether. Thank you. Yeah Yeah, you know for me the biggest thing that I have learned about Doing business daring to do what I love and attempt to make a living doing what I love is It's funny I want to describe it as being a little bit crazy When there's this fabulous blast of thunder here in the background in Florida as I say that. Oh, that was great Yeah being a little bit crazy in the sense of taking chances taking risks doing things that your logical brain says Like no way in heck should you do that you're going to mortify yourself. I'm not, you know Intentionally advocating for public humiliation, but I really think that Being in business means risking humiliation. It means risking being disliked risking You know so-called making a fool of yourself risking rubbing folks the wrong way like every day of My work that I that I do something that's public. It could be as simple as a public Facebook post Sending a newsletter out into the unknown and not having any clue how it's going to be received I have to face the possibility of being judged ridicule disliked Etc and yet doing it anyway because there's something that's so important in me that wants to come through Even it's just if it's just for one or two people who Are going to be moved and impacted by it, but when I say being crazy I mean really Cultivating a willingness to take risks as a way of life in order to Let whatever gifts you have inside of you come through. I don't I have maybe there is a path that's safe, but I sure as heck have not found that path and That's the biggest piece that I've learned and I want to advocate to others is like, please Please be willing to take risks in order to let whatever the precious gift inside of you is in order to allow that to come through I'm so glad you started there because I don't think we can hear it enough. I don't think I can hear it enough and those Watching this, please feel free to comment below and let us know what you think about that It's interesting. You talk about the safe path because I think so many of us. Yes, we know that entrepreneurship is risky You know, sometimes people think well entrepreneurship is risky because you might lose money or something like that, but you're right It's not it Building an authentic business. We're not just like doing something Purely logical or cognitive based and like oh, this is a good financial investment. We are Vesting our souls into this thing That's right. And and therefore we're investing our sense of Identity also in some way. Yeah, we're revealing ourselves and what if people don't like that? Yeah inherently vulnerable So how Do you deal with that? You do that regularly and I hope folks will read your your writings. I'll put a link of course to Your Facebook page and your blog is a beautiful writing, but how do you deal with that? Yeah? Oh Lord, this is the million dollar question. Yeah, I know there's so much here, but give us a little bit of flavor of how How you work through a little bit of that. Yeah. Yeah, I love it To be totally honest a large part of it is for me cultivating a sense of connection with the divine and That comes in many forms for different people whether it's God or Jesus or Moses or you know the universe or Your dog, maybe, you know, I love my dog a lot like my dog could be my God like whoever or whatever it is It's just God spilled the other way So many forms of the divine so many legs um but really cultivating a sense of Purpose and a sense of something or someone has got my back and really for me letting myself learn to trust that in my bones is What allows me to take these risks day after day after day? Having a sense that in the end, you know, if everybody does throw Tomatoes at the screen upon, you know watching this very video that okay, God's got my back My dog's got my lap, you know But like like ultimately in the end. I'm not going to be alone That's the biggest part of it and then of course the practices that I teach my clients to around self empathy Holding the sweet parts of myself that so want to make a difference that so want to share that are so scared and want to be accepted Okay, how do I tend to those parts as well? So in a way, I want to say it's both tending to the very very human parts of me and Cultivating a connection with the divine at the same time. Oh, that is so sweet. Hmm. Yeah. I was just you know When you said that your dogs got your lap. I'm like wish my dog still sat on my lap You still have a puppy, right? Yes. Yeah. Oh, there's a puppy. Well, he's three, but he will be forever my puppy That's that's amazing. Yeah, that's that's so so true And okay, so another Another lesson, you know in our pre-conversation for this recording Another lesson you've been learning is about being yourself. Yeah, even though you have mentors and Teachers you look up to so talk about that. What is that? What does that mean for you? Yeah? There are so many reasons To convince ourselves and to convince myself that what I have is not worthy of sharing that so-and-so is already doing it and not just doing it but doing like an amazing job of it and Who the heck am I to put myself out there to think that there's something unique that I have to contribute? I do have amazing mentors I do have amazing friends and there's lots of amazing people in the world doing great work, so it's not hard to find reasons to Knock ourselves down and to be like I'm just gonna you know keep myself under the carpet under the bed whatever and let somebody else do it In a way this comes back to that sense of faith and and real deep trust that Even though, you know, I have my spiritual teacher who's doing You know beyond words amazing work and I have my friends and I've got you know Colleagues that there's something unique in here that can only come through me and can only come through me Risking that vulnerability Risking putting myself out there and making a bad impression. It's you know having the tomatoes thrown virtual or otherwise That it's only through this risk taking that there's that the something precious God given universe given, you know dog given whatever your belief is Implanted in me to be to be offered as a contribution to this world and Again, it requires a tremendous risk in my experience to Put my attention and my faith in that trust Rather than in all the fear-based beliefs of not so-and-so is already doing it. I'm just gonna you know keep my head in hiding keep my heart in hiding so All of this truly going into business for myself has been nothing less than a Full-on spiritual journey and a spiritual practice It really comes back to that again and again and again for me and I'm guessing for so many others as well Yeah, yeah, absolutely beautifully said. It's Yes, it that is actually that is one of the common questions I get actually it's like well Yeah, who am I when this brilliant teacher thought leader? Is already doing it so well and has so many people following them Why should any of them decide to read or watch my thing? That's right, but it always surprises me that you know There is a certain advantage to not being a thought leader or Yet that people the advantage is that People feel like they can relate more to us when we share what's going on with us fellow human Yeah fellow humans and what insights we have the sharing of it There's a certain innocence to it when you're not yet a celebrity or a thought leader that is irreplaceable and There we go You're here to being frickin human. Yeah and relate to a bowl relatable. Yes relatable fabulous. Yeah Yeah, so I'd love to just spend a few minutes talking about the kind of work you do with your clients and Yeah, I mean relationships. There's so much there obviously and we have a few minutes only So is there something is there a tip or some? Yeah some insight. Yeah You want to bring forth? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'd love to see how quickly I can do this Yeah, okay, so here's the bottom line One thing the single takeaway I would love to offer is for folks and intimate relationships if you are human more likely than not you have occasional conflict with your partner and My experience of what I work with my clients around is how the heck do we disentangle our Fundamental needs for understanding acceptance for love, you know Belonging all these beautiful things that are innately in us these longings from our strategies our favorite Strategies for getting those needs met and our strategies usually involve our partners It's I want my partner to understand they want my partner to love me. I want my partner to hug me right now and In my experience, it's Disentangling our frickin precious human needs from our favorite strategies for meeting those needs that allows our Relationships the spaciousness that they need to thrive and it restores to us our empowerment and our own sanity and so two quick tips I want for for everyone around this is When you're in conflict Three things number one, can you ask yourself? What is it that I need? What am I fundamentally longing for that all human beings need? It's not just you respect care dignity support safety, right, etc Number two How else can I get this need met? Right, and we've talked a bit about spiritual practice. So I want to go right there again How can I experience this need being met with my sense of the divine, right? So for me, it's often it comes up a need for Fundamental acceptance for knowing that I'm good, right? How can I how can I connect with my sense of God and remember? I am loved. I am accepted. I am cherished in God's eyes You can do it with a friend. It doesn't have to be God a friend or family member And then the second piece is find whoever is the young one in you who got triggered if you're in a fight with your partner more often Than not there's a young part. That's knocking on the door saying I want help Find the young one put them on your lap Hold them and let them turn around and face you to start to get those needs met So it's in this case. It's me telling my young parts. Sweet Marina. I love you. I accept you I cherish you. I adore you and I'm in this process. I'm reclaiming my power Starting to feed myself these needs I've been longing for rather than taking my claws into my partner's skin and demanding These needs of him. So wow, that's the short and sweet version You've just given the overview of like a lifetimes work. Yeah, essentially Wow, so You know if anybody resonates with this, I hope they'll reach out to you I'm sure you've written something about this on your blog so folks can go in more But you know if they want to reach out to you for Considering you know working with you for coaching You can really help somebody Unpack that in the context of their own current relationship and help them to create the exercises and you know The customizing these kinds of things for that person, right? That's right to help them implement this So this is beautiful really really good. Um, I would love to ask you if I mean we have a few more minutes if that's okay, okay? Just a few things in your bio, right that I think might find interesting Or you know just maybe we've heard these things and I'd love to hear your explanation and what what these things mean So nonviolent communication and VC so many people have heard the idea I think a lot of people and some people may be watching this have been trained in it or have taken classes or yeah Write a book, but what what does MVC to you? What does that mean for you? Yeah? I Want to have the short and snappy answer here. I know but you've Kind of So describe it to somebody who is maybe spiritually aware, you know Someone who's into mindfulness or or into into spirituality or into personal growth, but doesn't know a lot about it Okay, great. Yeah So the heart of NVC is this notion that everything we say Do and think is an attempt to meet some universal human need Right named a few that care belonging acceptance safety security, etc And it's through our capacity to lift our I want to say the veil of judgment from our eyes lifting that veil of judgment from ourselves and off and off of others and Starting to connect with what's the underlying need that's motivating that person or motivating me to do this thing That I'm judging the heck out of that. We start to soften towards ourselves that we start to cultivate compassion for ourselves And that then we can begin to empower ourselves with okay What are the strategies that I really need so if I'm upset and in a bad mood? And I'm just generally like taking out on my partner and run Getting on his case about dishes in the sink, you know If I'm asking this question, what's truly important to me? Well had a frickin hard day and overwhelmed I really have a need for Spaciousness in my life, which the sink is just one small manifestation of I could begin to ask first of all, there's the softening Oh, God, I really love space. I really love spaciousness All beings need space. I'm not alone in this. This is a good need and Then I can ask how else in my life can I cultivate some spaciousness? That's going to go far beyond the dishes and dishes in the sink. So there's an empowering quality in addition to the Compassion inducing quality That's my short answer. Wow. It's beautiful. And again, there's a lot there to unpack Yeah What about the Akomi method and I know this I think a few people I've heard of the Akomi method What's your Something about it. Yeah, I so love Hakomi How I Understand and how I work with Hakomi is it's a body-based and mindfulness-based practice that says You know, whatever I'm acting out in the world, wherever I get stuck wherever I feel challenged It typically reflects some false core belief and it's through addressing those core beliefs and learning to correct them to replace them with Ones that serve us and I'm feel empowering to us that we you know free ourselves up But the the uniqueness of Hakomi in here is that it says it's through slowing down And it's through paying attention to our bodies that we can access these core beliefs When we're just in our mind We miss something and it's through the slowing down process that the unconscious can present itself So when I work with clients around when I sense there's a deeper There's a childhood issue there. I will often use Hakomi to help my client access their Their unconscious truths and their unconscious core beliefs that are running the show but without their conscious Permission for these parts to buy to run the show So it's a really beautiful and graceful method to go about transformation The farthest thing from many other methods that I met that feel like very Hammery and like whippy and loud thundery. I don't know if any of this is coming through We heard a little bit. Yeah. Yeah it feels very organic and honoring of Being an honoring of the speed of being and the way that our bodies naturally Release our defenses Yeah, wow amazing amazing. Yeah, it's work. Yeah, so Just wrapping up this conversation. How if somebody is watching this and is resonating with you How do they work with you? What's the next step? Yeah? Reach on out. Yeah, I'd love to talk with anybody who resonates with anything I've shared You can check out my website shameless heart calm You can just email me directly marina at shameless heart calm and I would love to get to hear from you Yeah, it's a great great domain name too And just to clarify you work with women. Yeah, and a few cool men Okay Yeah, well, thank you marina for doing your work. It's beautiful and Those who are you know, I think people in your audience are blessed by your presence by your writings by your support and Even your Facebook personal timeline is pretty pretty great to follow Personally, I like what you post there too. So I'll put the links in there so folks can follow you and connect with you and Thank you. Thank you for what you do Such a pleasure to be here George. Thank you for having me. Yeah, thanks