 Good evening everyone. Welcome to the third annual fail panel. As you've already noticed, there's been quite a bit of fail so far getting set up, but I think we're in pretty good shape. We're only 15 minutes late. Oh, in that case, we're five minutes early. Woo! Okay, so, um, so traditionally what we do is we sort of go through, take turns, and we share our own stories of fail. Dude, you said you didn't want any. Stop! What are you doing? Dude, don't be a dickhead. Thank you. Speaking of fail, when someone says no, they mean no. Unless they say yes with their eyes. You said that was just for me, though. Just the old surprise first. I don't think you have to do some panel. I think they get it. Okay, anyway, back on track. So, last year I baked bread on stage and we decided to mix things up a little bit. So thanks to a last minute shopping trip by Chris Hoff, Alex Hutton, and Jack Daniel. We have supplies so I can make waffles for you all tonight. Eat waffles at a fail panel. You have failed. Well, I kind of forgot to look up a recipe so I'm doing this all by eye. Don't ask what the secret sauce is. So, you realize he didn't wash his hands after he touched the underwear, too. So, Chris here is chopping up stuff. I'll make waffles. Hopefully they won't suck too much. And we'll be delivering some out to the audience, especially for folks who bring us stuff. Those bribes are acceptable. Any ninjas who are here get waffle priority since they made some kick-ass badges this year. And the ninja oppression. What was that? And the ninja oppression. It's true. It's true. I'm going to attack you now. So we're going to get started. I think Rich is going to go first with his fail and we'll see what goes from there. All right, so, you know, my fail is on a couple multiple levels this year. And let's be honest. And, you know, times are kind of tough. By the way, all the slides will be on this side. In a few moments, Chris Hoff will be doing interpretive poetry on that side once he's done cooking, chopping up stuff here. So, we all know times are tough. This is a graph of the real estate market in Phoenix. What's the zip code there? 85086. So, obviously, things are pretty bad. Anyone lives there is pretty fucked. Of course, my zip code is 85050 right in the middle of that. I think my house is worth about 60% of what I paid for it. So, puts a little pressure on you financially when something like that happens. And then, on occasion, other things happen that can kind of fuck up your finances. So, thank you, thank you. I was thinking of changing my handle to Sniper. One shot, one kill. So, by the way, my wife's eight months pregnant right now. One shot by the other guy anyway. Now, the problem is, you know, those little freaking things like to eat. And, well, you know, I'm an industry analyst for those of you that don't know. So, I'm like, I used to be with, yeah, with Gartner. I read all that stuff. And, you know, when it comes down to it, we kind of all know what industry analysts do. You take bribes. Nothing. I mean, I just sit around and I don't know what the fuck I do. Wait, do you mean you don't even take bribes? I mean, are you that worthless? You're not even taking bribes? No, no, dude, hook me up. I have some used panties also here. Seriously, I just suck too much. I can't get any serious money out of like Oracle or Microsoft or those guys. Or I totally talk about how awesome their products are. So, I figure it's time to supplement my income. Clearly, this analyst gig isn't working for me. And, you know, I was kind of looking for ideas. And I hear like, you know, underage people like to drink. Wait, where are you going with this? You know, and I'm kind of thinking that, you know, maybe I could help a brother out. So, you know, he looked around and I kind of had this inspiration. I was in the grocery store and well, I'm going to go to the next door. So, you know, I used to actually be a bouncer in the bars and this is kind of how we used to check IDs. I was a 135-pound 19-year-old bouncer, which I don't know if there's anything more fail than that. But I didn't look like that and neither did anybody coming into my bar. Clearly. Here's my coat, sir. You know, and now how do they check IDs? Well, I was going to a bar the other night and the guy whips out a scanner. So, this is pretty much what happens. I pull out my driver's license. It's happened twice in like two weeks before I came here, once at the liquor store and then once over at the grocery store. Pull out my driver's license, hand it over when they say to check the ID. They don't fricking look at it. They take it and swipe it through a barcode scanner and then give me the beer. In my mind, profit. So, some of you might have seen on Twitter, this happened right before I came out here and I thought I would give this a shot and see what's going on in there when they plug those things in. So, let me plug in the scanner. Yeah, the scanner was you? Yeah, thanks to Mike. Oh, God, Mike, I forgot your last name. Are you here? Because if not, yeah. Mike, what's your last name again? Cats. Cats. I'm like, it was easy, but I had West in my head. Not a keyboard. I don't know why you're saying that, but that's fine. Let's close that. Now, let's see if the demo gods are totally going to fuck with my head. Either way, it's a win. So, if this works right, I have an Arizona driver's license. Now, for those of you who don't know, Arizona is the best fucking state in the union to have a driver's license for a couple of reasons. Can anybody guess what the expiration date of my driver's license is? 2036, this license expires. So, gets even better. There was a speaker who checked in and I looked at his license, and for the state, it had MA. It says, Arizona will issue a driver's license if you're actually living in another state with the address of that state. Oh, this is getting good. So, let's hope this works this time. If I want to be an unduxed worker. So, let me pull the window over because I can't look at two windows at the same time, so I can highlight the important sections here. But now we're just working it out. So, you don't have to learn my birth date and driver's license number, which is pretty cool. No, that's fail. At DEF CON, I'm kind of ballsy like that life-locked doofus. So... Why have a credit rating, right? So, you can see there, that's my date of birth. I'm like, well, this is getting kind of interesting because it's pretty easy. And I'm like, well, maybe I have a right, you know, if I have a right or I can change this. Now, the bad news is I wasn't able to get a right or in time. But as I switch back here, so I did a little bit more research about this issue. So there's this really cool document that describes all of the details of the standards across the nation for driver's licenses. And it includes these sections like the optional magnetic stripe because these things aren't mandatory for everywhere. And then if you look at the section for the optional magnetic stripe, it tells you right where the date of birth field is. It's standard. Now, not every state uses this, but most states do because of the real ID Act stuff. And it tells you exactly where it is. And I looked around a lot in this standard for security code. Do you know what prefaces the security code? Optional, state specific. So what are the odds any of the manufacturers of those devices are going to go ahead and put a state, you know, put, check that security code, fail, zero, not going to happen. So this is cool because you can now get a fake ID without having to change your ID on the front. Just take that mag stripe, find a place that you know they're just going to look and stripe it. And if they confront you about it and say, well, fuck it. Just run it through the thing, man. I'm old enough. Good to go. Balding. I actually didn't start losing my hair until about 30, but we've got Dave. So it happens at a young age, usually after you do things to sheep. And so I'm thinking mag stripe writer, I've got a good career. My head is not the only place with no hair. Yeah. So. I just flushed rich a little bit. Wait, see. No, you didn't flush me. I can't find my. Wait, hold on. You did all this work so that you could be 21. There is a level where chicks do not like really older dudes. And so now I can hit that like baseline, drop down about 10 years. So let me get this straight. You're strapped for cash, but you now want to give away half your stuff. Yeah. That works. So anybody see where I dropped my e-video card that was sitting here? So you're going to make yourself like 17 so you can start nailing those younger chicks too? Yeah. Did you not listen to my fucking presentation? Not really. Where are the questions here? Is it faster toward right because your back's right, stands right? I'll be there. Look, your honor, I just, I tested it and it said it was cool. I thought I was 38, but I ain't like fuck it. There you go. All right. So that was the start to my career. Now I got to find my little friend. Yeah. My e-video card that was sitting here a minute ago. So I can get online. Never mind. I'll do you some hard line. Good. I'm going to plug my laptop in a DEF CON. That's going to work. Hey, if you could, if you could use a pop password, that'd be great. Yeah. We'd like to see you on the wall of sheep. Bah. I'm not eating that. I am not eating. You know what, give me a fork and eat that. So before I move on to the second part of my presentation, we have to do something special here. Now we have a guest here, Mike Auger. Right there. So Mike, stand up, wave to the crowd. Mike has produced this awesome beer. Each one's a little bit different. Most of them have a little bit of coffee in it. It's a wonderful stout. Taste of molasses. High alcohol content I learned. Really, really good. Mike did something special. Was that your idea or Bailey's idea for this? Okay, Mike Bailey, who is also right there, hasn't sobered up since last night. So that's cool. We're heading to attend this morning. I'm like, dude, you're looking awesome. He's like, dude, still drunk. They produce this. Anybody have any idea what's in this? Bacon. Yes. Some people follow me on Twitter. We're going to open up the bacon beer. So my original idea was to see who is psycho enough in the crowd to try the bacon beer. Multiple panelists jumped up. All right, we've got some cups here. Let's get the bottle opener. I don't eat pork. Not the Jewish thing. Yeah, pork, like pigs are as smart as three-year-olds and my kid's one and a half and I like her, so. Come on up, whoever wants some. Wait, are you Jewish? Yeah, who first tastes? Ladies and gentlemen, Boris Becker. It's lumpy. It's lumpy. Two people are really drunk and fucking bacon. I am. You know what? Look at this fucking line. If Vegas would give me odds on how many people would drink bacon beer at DEF CON. Wait, panelists. Yeah, panelists next. Sorry, guys, there's only so much to go around in. Ooh. Last one. Wait, wait, wait. So we got to do something. This is the last one. Who's going to take their pants off for this beer? Come on. Let's go. I'll take my pants off anyway. Onstage, drop trial. Over on the side. Wait, are you wearing underwear? Yes. All right, so who's willing to pay money to shave his balls? We'll donate it to the EFF. Extra family-friendly. You want the bacon beer. You have to wonder about... A little cold beef injection. Poor conjection. Beef is cows. All right, drop your pants, you get the beer. Wait, sir, are you over the age of 18? So now I'm going to stand over... They're the rest of the panel, sir. Yeah, providing alcohol to a minor. I didn't even think about that. I'm really fucking old. Son of a bitch. Fail. None. Guys, this beer is fantastic. Bacon beer, my two favorite things. Now if I could only make my women taste like this. So you know that beer that's in a taxidermy squirrel? We kind of want one in a playmate. And... Too soon? Why are you people here? I don't know. We keep betting that it won't get accepted every year. It's kind of like a big joke. So the next thing is, is I obviously was looking around for another career and I thought, hey, I write about this money mule shit. And so I thought maybe I could look at becoming a money mule. This is mule porn and it's a good way to make some money. But not quite the one I wanted. And so I thought, you know, where do you get started if you want to be a money mule? And I'm like, well, okay, I need to create an identity. So I went ahead and I put together a little resume. Anybody watch Burn Notice? You know, Chuck Finley? Well, I talked with some experts on this and they said they love single moms. You know, I did Charlene Finley. She's been out of work for three years. Construction company went out of business. But she's really good with quick books because she worked for the accountant and stuff. I had been a bank teller for a year. Went to business school, failed out, got knocked up. You know, pretty sad story actually. Boyfriend abused her. We'll get to that later. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you telling us about your sex change operation? Dude, I'd be the ugliest. I barely get laid now. You were a woman. Three years ago you became rich mogul. Yeah, that's more plausible. So I worked out a work history. I put a lot of thought into this. Put that resume together. And then I thought, hey, I'm going to go ahead and post this on some job sites. So everybody told me as soon as you put... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're making waffles and we have no forks. You just figured that out? That's been sitting in front of you for at least five minutes, dude. Yeah, but I've been looking around for a fork. It's not fail if it's intentional. Wait, you know what's funny is we don't plan this stuff either. I mean... Yeah. Go figure. So I put my resume up on Munster and everybody told me you just post a resume like this and you're going to get like a zillion fucking requests from all these people trying to turn you into a money mule. Posted it, left it up for a while. Nothing. So I'm getting pretty depressed because I can't get a job as a fucking money mule. And so I decided to get proactive, do a little bit more research. Wait, are you going to talk about the hits you did get on match.com, though? Well, that's a whole different mule. Two girls, one mule. So... Too soon. No, two mules won't go. So Brian Krebs, he couldn't be out here for DEF CON this year. He used to be at the Washington Post. He does a lot of awesome articles about this. Brian and I are friends. I called him up and we were talking. So he actually has a drop box that he's monitoring for one of these guys. He doesn't know Brian has access to that. So he gave me the email for the known drop box. I did a little more research and I found certain search terms to use. So I found, started finding these sorts of things. Basically, I went ahead, by the way, in the search terms I used were you look for payment processing agent or money transfer agent. Those are the two things. So I did a little bit of work. Or PCI analyst. Yeah, PCI analyst. That's not me. QSA, where's Martin McKay? He needs his hot pour conjection to PCI. Okay. He is not my plus one now. To the Ninja party. That is over. So I went ahead and this is one of the sites. The Coral Group Incorporated. This is pretty cool. Did you really want to be this plus one? What are you willing to do for it? We're going to need more than that this time. Can you buy like a sheep? Anyway. You sure do have a purting mouth there boy. Yeah. I shouldn't get so excited about this. So, went to the Coral Group. Looked like this great outsourcing thing. I thought, hey, that looks pretty interesting. I found another one. The ITC Group. Notice the About the Company section. Notice the About the Company section. Well, hey, they have these partner organizations which, by the way, click through to real organizations. This is another one. Look at the partner organizations. Huh. They're templated apparently. Then I went ahead and started looking for the jobs. There's all sorts of really cool jobs. They're like not available though. Currently not hiring. But the payment processing agent, the computer operator, and the telephone operator all apparently are available. Let's look at another site. Wow. Same fucking jobs. That is really, that must be like hard to get. Should be some good money for that. Should be able to work a few days a week. Do a little more analysis. Hey, it turns out these guys apparently are hosted on the same domain servers. SoloJumper. Hey, SoloJumper. What about another one I found randomly online? Oh, SoloJumper. Huh. Wonder where that's located. So, this is kind of interesting. And then, I went through and I looked at some of the FAQs. There's some great information here. I mean, this looked like a really wonderful employment opportunity. Stuff like the, I'm very interested in your offer. I'd like to know more about the position. You have to strictly follow instructions, enable permanent contact, flexible hours, fill out payment documents. That sounds alright. How do you get your payment? You get it at the end of every month with direct deposit. You know, after you give them your bank information. No startup fees. They never ask you to spend your own money. This is pretty good. And you don't have to travel. What is the origin of the money? This is pretty good. Money that is deposited into your account comes directly from our clients willing to use instant money transfer service within the United Kingdom and the USA. You will always be aware of exactly where the money is coming from and where it is going. For additional security, we provide invoices with a capital I. They would have gone all caps, but, you know, budget. For all transactions completed, it is not clear why you need payment processing agents. It's like they think we're skeptical of this potential employment opportunity that's out there. Isn't it easier to make a direct transfer? We cater to large companies and their immediate needs for IT services provisions of high expediency of, fuck, can't read that shit. Doesn't make sense. My favorite. Is it a legitimate job? Cut and paste, folks. Our business activity is certified by major... I hate to interrupt. Who wants Dave Manner's iPhone? Yes, sir. Yeah, it's Beyonce. See the... I've already owned it. Our business activity is certified by major operations and publishing houses, because Random House should be certifying our financial transfers. On the international market, you're welcome to browse our websites, blah, blah, blah, as well as extracts from our news reports. By the way, if you look on the sides on those, they have like random blog feeds that they've linked in on the side and make them look legitimate. Is there any confirmation the money is transferred legally? What is the hiring process? Do I need an interview? It's all online. It's wonderful. Do you check your savings accounts? They can't work with both. They actually have different pay scales. If you have a personal account versus a business account, if you're willing to sign up at their corporate scale, because you can get more money in and it's monitored less, you make more money. You also have to have your account be at least 90 days. I miss the URL. This is gardener.com, right? Yes. This is the analyst job. Isn't the bank going to say something about so much money going through my account? We hardly ever experience problems. If asked about the funds, simply let them know you are completing a job. Why do I have to use my personal account? Because position is considered to be an independent contractor position. That makes sense. Works for me. Why are you delivering so much information? Such attention, especially the bank account essentials puts me on guard. No, don't worry about it. Nothing to see here, man. It's all good. These are not the droids you're looking for. I'm feeling under, I have never written an FAQ like this. It's wonderful how much confidence they want to give me. I'm feeling uncomfortable giving you my online banking details. Why do you need these? Well, we only need view-only access to your online bank account. It's impossible to make transfers using online access. It's in all caps. It has to be true. How do you implement view-only access to an account like that? I don't know. That was not provided in the instructions when I was offered my position. How do you start one? Well, move to Eastern Europe. Alright, so then I got an email directly from Brian Krebs. Went ahead and emailed that guy, Red Apple Incorp, marketing position. We're going to find out more about this because we're going to call him in a little bit on the phone. So the site looks good. I had to create a fake identity for this. I used my Charlene thing, Charlene Finley that I came up with. They do background checks. They ask if I ever have any criminal convictions. It might not make me not be able to take the job, but they want to know. Because they don't want to associate with criminals. Then I filled out an independent contractor agreement which I had to send in. So I sent all this stuff in, which you're going to see in a moment. They also asked for my driver's license. So went ahead, made the color version of the driver's license. Rich. It looks a little fake. You can see the boxes there. So I printed it out, just scanned it in. Looks good to me. Sent that off. You used to be a woman, didn't you? I used to be fucking hot. What happened? Are you a witness protection? Yeah. Did you do too much meth? So I sent all this stuff in. Now they also asked for my school diploma. We're going to get to that. So I hope I have online access. This is going to work better if I do. By the way Donchev's done some great research here. I found it all after I did most of my research. And he's actually linked these up. So these guys obviously use templating and tool kits. They're also tied in with a lot of the botnet control and malware sites. All hosted on the same servers. I know. I don't have it shown yet anyway. So. Rich just typed his Gmail password in. Does somebody have that? I'll give you a dollar if you can get it from me. Speaker's Network. Dude, I don't use Gmail. It's the Charlene Finley Gmail. It's all yours, man. I'll launch it off for the EFF that people want before the end of the night. So I posted a lot of stuff to a lot of job sites. Didn't get shipped for responses until I hit Career Builder. Career Builder is fucking awesome if you want to be a money mule. So I posted it up. All right. This is not a hot one. Oh. That's why. You know, I always thought this panel was supposed to be about fail, not about the presenter's failing. Yeah, let's see if this one works. I had an EVDO card sitting around here. There we go. All right. So this one is from... Hey, you just took a beer. He made the beer, dude. Let me switch this. I'm going to have to mirror. We need a beer guard. All right, is that readable, guys? I'll give a beer to everyone. All right, so... I sent in an application that I found online at a fraud site. Chuck Finley. Filled out in the mural address, office manager, voice mail. Phone. Google Voice is fucking awesome for this, by the way. I don't use it for anything else. All right, here's my application. I wonder if they're going to, like, interview me or anything. Congratulations. This is Notifying. Welcome to the Malvern Company. All right. And then they never responded to my other emails and their site got shut down. I'm like, oh. Well, that sucks. That makes me sad. So let's see what else is out there. So I'm going to go ahead and... Okay, where'd the other one go? Here we go. So this was the one that was sent to me by... this is the email drop from that Brian Krebs has. So I'm a single mother looking for flexible work-at-home opportunities. Attached is my application from your website. Good afternoon. We received your application. I am Sebastiana. Know this name because you got to remember it for when we call him in a few minutes. Wait. What's going on? All right. So here's all the requirements, U.S. work authorization, everything else. So I applied. I eventually got to the point of the application. I gave him my references, Michael Weston, Samuel Ash, Fiona Glenan. So these are all different Google Voice mail drops. So if you call them. Now the funny part is I wish I had the chat window. I was talking to Brian Krebs. I was talking to the Google Voice drops. And Brian's like, yeah, give him my real number. I don't care, dude. They are not going to check your fucking references. No chance. I send this email. How many minutes until every one of those Google Voice numbers rang in sequence? Three. Three minutes after I sent this email, he started calling the references. So, well, that guy, you know, that might have got him a little bit suspicious because they... He wasn't going to fucking call. Why did I think? I wasn't worried, man. So then we went to the next one. So he sends me an email. We got your ID, tried to contact your references. They didn't response. And, you know, you say you were born in 1981, but that you lost your high school deployment many years ago. This sounds unconvincing. I'm like, oh, shit. There was my goddamn DEF CON project. I am fucked. I got nothing to do on stage. I don't even have a retarded robot this year. So, I thought, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Did you leave messages? They're their personal numbers and they work during the days. It took me overnight to send this and I lost my diploma when my parents kicked me out of the house when I was 18 and all sorts of bullshit. All through. Feel free to call me any time at my other Google Voice number. So at this point, I had forwarded this to sec Barbie. Aaron Jacobs, who works for IOActive, in case he called and set up the number that way. So he did try to call, but nobody picked up the phone. I can call him back. There's his US number. Hmm. Then I said, and we went basically did a bunch of phone tags. So what happened is he basically told me I don't trust you blew you off and then I'm like, well, I'm done. This isn't going to happen. So yesterday, I get a phone call on the Google Voice number and he's leaving a message. We don't, let me see if the audio work. It didn't when I tested it before, but we could hold the microphone up. Yeah, let's do that. Hand me that one. It's got a better pickup. Anybody know where the speakers are on these things? Which side on a Mac? Yeah, I know. Seriously. Unfortunately, yes. Yeah, you can't hear it. Fuck it. You can see it. So we need someone, I think, to go give him a call back since he's left the message yesterday after me blowing this whole thing off. So who wants the privilege of giving him a back? We need a female. Come on up. Wait, does this refer to the breast with the part of my... Really? So if someone's cell phone starts ringing... We're going to try this again. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Yeah, now she gets his name. ... Jesus bitter. You are grateful for the gift? So we're gonna try our best to get this so that on speakerphone here, so we need everyone to be quiet What she makes it call? I think it'll go to voicemail this time of day, but who knows? Are you done? Can you talk? We need a fluffer to the stage So your name is Charlene you were born in 81 how old does it make her 20? 2029 You're from Phoenix, Arizona. You've worked as a bank teller. You're very excited about this opportunity And you might possibly be an interpol agent. So that's your role Are you a method actor? We can fake some credentials do all sorts of shit. All right. Here we go I was just calling about the job. I'm really excited about it. So I hope you can give me a call back I want to get in touch with you about this Thanks, bye All right So here's the deal. I know the dude answers the number everybody write that down wait Wait, hold on your name wasn't Charlene. It's Selene Selene it was Charlene look Selene. No, that's fucking the voice translation. Come on Yeah, I know I've been using Google voice. That's my real cell who cares So Styling's of Justin Bieber can somebody tweet that phone number real quick because that would be cool to everybody give them give him a call Anyway, I think that's the end of my career as a money mule. Oh wait. I did actually get a job offer today You never did have a career. Yeah Got you analysts So I got multiple job offers on this the last one I got was today, which was pretty cool Or yesterday. Yeah, it originally came through on the 21st. She sent me to some sites So I went ahead and I clicked on those first of all these are the vacancies, huh? This I had never seen I wonder if they're business partners or something Then they have a quiz they want you to take and this is my favorite part If you were using a Mac OS computer, please follow this link to complete the registration without taking the test Which goes to? Yeah Download the test don't worry if your computer is requesting administrative rights download the test and simply right click on the test icon It's like run as administrator All right, who's next? Not me Mainer. No, no, I specifically said not me No So I was a waffle business going does everybody think that a beaker Mormon or you know cut out to be shorter chefs But I'm thinking if beaker can I can't hack as a chef you can always make an important business Can we have slides on the other screen, please Yes I'm sure you've got my dog. So this is we'll take donations What's that I So we'll take donations to the EFF for waffles from now on if you wouldn't mind that'd be cool Okay, actually so what we're waiting for Larry to get set Here's my suggestion in the past Rich has offered to pull down his own pants in order to get things So I recommend that if people offered it that they will take down rich pants Okay, so actually I have here one the last unclaimed digital human badge and I will auction I will doctrine this off To a man wearing a suit jacket and shorts for the Howdy stranger I just want to let all you people know they wouldn't let me come back up here this year, and I failed anyways I Only have nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine pennies The grand prize for the ten thousand cent hacker pyramid is a fail. I'm sorry, but please come anyways Thank you. Okay. Anyway, so You should definitely you should come to pyramid ill rock it rocked last year to rock more this year I have the last human digital badge for def con the high bidder But wiser doesn't count We'll receive this badge all funds go to EFF Who wants it? I hear 10. What do I hear? 12 you have to drop pants just for that Do it in hex 25 I hear 40 come on guys it was 40 if you want a black cat you can do better than that I have raw eggs I Hear 60 come on it's for the EFF 80 Hundred in the back yeah, we're getting close to the price if you didn't go to black cat It's still at the discount come on people I Hear a lot of people bitching they didn't get one so clearly maybe maybe just own a hand job with it Not unless rich still has ninja badges No, but well, I think I think that was a great offer of David Nice You only got a hundred I only got a hundred. Oh, come on 120. Thank you. All right 140 one got 140 here We're now at we're now at parody Going anyone I Will give the entire square waffles to anyone Wait Go in once anyone fucking pricks This is why it's called a fail panel it's true go in twice Hey Chris, I'll buy that from you 120, but I don't want to hear Are they also use this bitch put it on first How would you like me to autograph them Jack? And that's what we have credit default swaps my friend nice So moving right along You are presenting. That's right so My presentation for fail panel this year is entitled fail point on 3.0 Rise of the geotag and I've done some work around this a little bit But to tell you a little bit about me for those who don't know I'm a senior security consultant with NWN corporation with NWN star after a long stint as manager for I a security in DR at healthcare organization in New England the host of paul.com security weekly as Well, the cup was well as an author of a couple of books that they don't have in the vendor area for singers You know it So let's see pen testing vulnerability assessment. The only difference is permission. So I love doing lots of recon type of stuff wireless of all varieties and some hardware and software hacking Okay, I'll give you a waffle enough about me. It's not important So some of the related works for for this fail panel in the talk in the past I've talked about information gathering and recon document metadata including exif metadata and GPS tracking for fun and profit So let's put some of these together a Picture is worth a thousand words Anybody know whose car this is? Adam Savage, okay posted by Adam Savage to twitpick. It's now off to my work in my beast. Wait. How'd that dog get in there? Okay, so what's the story behind this image? So Adam and a friend Craigie Ferg decided to tweet behind-the-scenes photos of their fans For their fans. Sorry Adam's static started with a cup of coffee. We'll see that picture later the dog Then a picture of the whip the one we just saw all the pictures were taken with an iPhone and the first three all have GPS Coordinates with about 50 feet of each other my response Thanks to X of tool we now know where you live Have you ever wondered why famous people never come back to Defcon? I mean, I'm just I'm just saying we had we had a playmate here It gets it gets worse that not that explains why you're here. So here's a map. Here's Google Street view You would think that he would live in a nicer house We'll get to that we'll get to that. So are we sure this yeah, okay? Yeah, I'm sure so let's look across the street Does that look familiar to you? No The picture in the background of the whip and the picture from Google Street view across the street. Oh, I see Oh, I see So we sent an agent to the house Which is a registered agent? Yes Registered where I'm not exactly sure and well if we kind of look at the house now compared to the Google Street view pictures It looks a little well more unkempt and I have a theory why So I've heard that it looks a little underused and so forth and I speculate that he's using it to store his collections So Adam Savage is sort of a well-documented collector and well I know folks that have devoted full houses to their collection for example Steve Sandsweet He's the the world's foremost Star Wars collector He has a 3200 square foot house that houses his collection of Star Wars stuff. That's all it is. He doesn't live there Why not just get a warehouse? I don't know Don't know so to look at that Adam's been known to collect and tweet About things such as how about a Blade Runner blaster replica? Taken from his Twitpick stream disassembled probably one of the best on the planet How about a pulp fiction ass watch? Amen and all sorts of other goodies. Yes, this is the coffee cup photo So is there anybody here that's never been to Def Con before Somebody somebody senses something important is going to happen Scanning scanning Is there anybody that Doesn't have an invite to the ninja party I'm gonna let I'm gonna let I'm gonna let this panel decide Dear dear God in heaven I think that disqualifies you I really want I really want to give this to somebody who's never been to Def Con before but but How do you guys want to decide must have breasts wait a second, but wait wait there there there's I this is not the badge This is not the badge. This is the plus one But it does get you into the party and I just heard that this party we've taken over an entire hotel and They said that it runs from 9 p.m. Tonight until 10 a.m. Tomorrow morning So you must be 21 And I only have one I'm going with the breast thing all the hands Yeah, but but yeah, I'm first time Def Con And you these people that are sitting around you you're not with them you did you would go to the party You're not you're not going with me. I'm married. I'm just giving you the invite This is not I'm not this is not a dating service. I think she does protest too quickly But no seriously are you interested okay? God what a help women advance We do We don't like you Scott Happy birthday Wow, so I think this slide sums up all of this Well, our boy here doesn't get some digits Is this a Def Con love match waiting to happen? So let's one let's get ridiculous So silly me decided I'd scrape images from twit pic as well That's where Adam's pictures came from but Johannes Ulrich beat me to it with a script while I was writing mine Unfortunately, Johannes didn't catch every one of the sequentially alphan numerically numbered pictures. So I fixed it and Started downloading pictures Jonah Johannes noted that only about two and a half percent of the pictures had GPS metadata info But my data says about three point three percent because I'm getting all the images So about now I've scraped one point one million images from twit pic Over three separate internet connections and three servers and put them all back together And I'm pushing just shy of one terabyte full of images Holy crap Yeah, so Larry aren't you violating twit pics terms of service. I was just about to ask that No, and there's an asterisk there because I'm not a lawyer But I did stay at a holiday and express last night. I thought that said anal for a second nice nice So if you have a clause in your terms of service, that's incorrect that causes invalid, right? I mean, that's the way I see it take for example. Wait, we have lawyers in the audience. Yeah, is that correct? Yeah close Okay, so take this February 12th 2010 about the time I start a little after I started scraping the images It says improper use of data. So let's look at it a little closer. I rest my case Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Are you making fun of people who can't spell? No. Are you sure? Yes, all right Because it gets worse. So about four months later. They updated it after I had scraped one point one million pictures off a twit pic So now it says Improper use of data they fixed the scraping So now I can't scrape but it says using any data from twit pic That's not available through authorized channels is also prohibited is not a web browser going to twit pic unauthorized channel That's what I used. Thank you very much Storing saving or retaining images of any size is also prohibited Browser cash proxies and system memory. I Can guarantee that 100% of folks that use twit pic violate their terms of service has written So no I didn't Okay, so here's to not having your terms of service reviewed by a lawyer, but it gets better Define user by using twit pic com you signify that you've accept all this crap At no point during my scraping. Have I ever logged into the service? Ever so now I'd argue that the terms of service don't even apply to me even if they're bogus wait Let me let me ask you a question real quick. I think I see where this is going Did you get a blowjob in the Oval Office? I don't recall Can you define the word is? I don't recall Okay, ladies and gentlemen your next Democrat president. So are those condoms? So by the original intent from February to June, I'm not sure that I'm allowed to scrap my data So We can jack a beer here He made the beer He made that beer So now I need to retain one terabyte of data add-infinite him So I'm not exactly sure who's getting this So if you're gonna fuck up anyways You might as well fuck up in such a way that it leaves wondering how the people people wondering how the fuck you did that Wait, how did you how did you how did that happen? I have no fucking idea That's not that's not your wife No So now how the heck do I sort through 1.1 million images a lot of time and effort a shell script or three and Well, I really don't care about the geotag ones So I move them to a separate location and Google Earthify them because that makes them much easier to look at great I've gone global It's really boring crap food building kids and well Yeah, I want something infinitely more interesting same reasons why we're offering whip cream shots So do you think we can find out where she lives? Wait a minute. I'd like to point out how sexist this panel is Wait, no, no, no, no, it's not. No, it's not so yeah, we can find out where she lives Oh, it gets better Seriously, she lives in the middle of farm country. There is one house within miles of here So you're saying she likes cows. Yes, but it gets better For those for the sexist panel so in a great day for twit pick research Kazem said he stated many women who do not dress modestly lead to young men leave young men astray corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes and Resulted in a great experiment Boop quick Thank you, God Come clean it off. You ever taking a jump too far and then starts getting uncomfortable Rich here's my room key. I'll see you later It won't go in your eye. I know it'll never make it that far So now I have a little bit of content location and stuff you might not want your mom or dad to see some well partially exposed breast So, however, twit pick doesn't allow you to have any adult content, right is no porn. That sucks So, you know read the twit pick terms of service Okay, so let's go for the whole hog more on that later We've got at least one more Twitter image hosting service to capture from as well. Why frog? But again same thing no more adult content. So let's try sexy peak and twit sexy So when there's a hole in the market Someone comes to fill it So as a result of all these types of things we buddy of mine Ben Jackson and I came up with a product a project called I can stock you calm So we use the public Twitter search API to grab tweets and images from twit pick wife Frog and twit sexy checks them for GPS metadata if they don't exist Move on to the next one if it does exist Extract it and run through Geo names to get an address and then send an ad message to the user who made The tweet with their location In two hours our Twitter account got suspended So we have it back after much bleeding and now we only tweet one random person from the last hour And we post everything to the website for a successful geotact image So we only at tweet someone back, but we post everything to the icon stock you calm website Response has been mixed some of them are like yeah, no shit. I just told you where I was some of them were oh I didn't know I was doing that which we tell people how to fix it And ultimately the whole project is about arming folks with information so they can make informed risk decisions And Ben Jackson just spoke at hope on this whole project in detail And he's got to release of the tools data sets and all that type of stuff at mayhemiclabs.com So if you guys want to play with this as well, please do So this is our twit pick suspension. We fail at internet So let's talk about twit sexy and sexy peak What these are places for amateur porn goldmines. I So unlike twit pick and why frog their content upload is actually slower So we can actually scrape the entire content and I have several times Wait, have you scraped yourself to this content? No Well, maybe once or twice today So in these cases I mean think about some of this stuff if you're posting your amateur porn images and their geotags and their public Well, I often found stuff like this Yee-ha Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is there anyone under the age of 18 in this audience? Wait first of all, why would you be under the age of 18 in this audience? Second of all, who would admit to it? Is that better well, I often got that I also got this Told you I was gonna go a whole hog and sometimes I got a little bit of both Do you want me to unblock this one too? Now you can die saying that you have never seen pterodactyl porn See what I have to do to myself in the name of science Wait, how is a how is pleasing your sexual fetuses? What's that? Oh, we'll get to that Steve, I always have an answer to your question. This is the first date where a girl keeps going if you buy me dinner If you buy me dessert, if you buy me a teddy bear. Yeah So whoever brought the eye bleach can you please share because I need a whole lot So now it all depends on what you consider fail I'm not exactly who had to fail on that one, but I suppose it all depends on your tendencies and fetishes So I went for the South Park approach and decided to fail for as many people as possible And if you can't laugh at someone else's misfortune, who can you laugh at? Okay, so let's bring this full circle. So now I'm back to the problem of who do I want to stalk or observe? I mean, yeah, so how about some interesting person people and I don't want this douchebag So let's how do I find interesting people to find Justin Bieber Justin Bieber. Yeah, okay. That's one Let's do better than that. I want pictures for specific individuals after all So how about we get Twitter to tell us? How about we use Twitter's verified accounts and use the list that they publish for folks for us to start downloading images So we can potentially stalk folks like Adam Savage So they're just over 1,500 verified accounts and in 2008 this is a stalker right So now we can access all of these images using TPP the TPP API which gives us a nice list of all the verified accounts and I'm gonna release a tool on this coming soon It's not finished yet But we can now just pipe this info into a twit pic why frog single-user image downloader Which Ben Jackson actually really released over at mayhemic labs It's called stalk and he presented on it still at hope as part of his presentation So now that's an epic fail When you can't even spell failure correctly Wait, wait, wait, this is the second time you've made fun of someone's spelling and as a spelling challenge individual I take offense to that So moving right along Shocker that's all I've got Shocker I know someone that just recently had to explain that to their mom Yes, Darren. I mean you So that's all I've got for fail and I hope you guys enjoyed it and I hope you guys enjoy the This is how you can find me and I'm expecting my Twitter followers to jump by about two after this But try explaining milk to your mom Wait your mom I'd be happy to give me your number So you joke about that but actually I had the experience with my sister Wait, wait, well shocker for you Because you use these words of conversation right you say milk and you forget that some people are kind of like Not like us and and so you use the conversation and she says like what does this mean and it's like It doesn't mean anything Did you use the word DVD a Way Don't worry, I'm not talking again. I'm fucking done What did you want to do with these? Oh? No, wait, that's gonna be good. Let me set the laptop extra firm control Control top satisfaction guarantees Is it ripped for his pleasure Hey, what is this part for School fantastic coming out of nowhere Wow Just wipe your nose Hey, wait, it's the same smell you get from PCI. All right, can we swap the video again? What do we have slides? Come on. Tell me this fucking works I can't help it. All right video dudes. We got another fail 800 by 600 Let's try it again throw you a waffle Alright, we're good Again, so I'm sure this will screw up our snake slides here, but Here is it just me or they pick the right guys for this fail thing. Yeah, I think so Thanks, we got it up. So before we do Before we do that Every volunteer world's largest safety deck we need to volunteer with very low self-esteem All right, yeah, they're pointing at each other Anybody here Come on up Tim Kravick Where's the whipped cream? This is gonna go over really well in the Jesus Christ guys Okay, step one fill this oh, no, can you will not do it over my Mac? Oh Smart man Never mind Now I know what that parts for It's a special time of the month don't forget the nuts Because So who can guess what's next? That by the way advisor in my kids hacking conference, I'm putting up on October Thanks, yeah, all right all kinds of fail so If you ever tried to go to a Baptist University turns out all they sell is Viagra these days So I'm thinking you know that's a pretty good place to go I started doing some more research on this and it turns out that Pretty much every university on the planet is selling Viagra. Boy. I Rich on the floor. Aren't you a goon? I told you Gallagher. You didn't listen Man those industry analysts Jesus So, how do you argue with this logic? They don't they don't use it so it's good, right? They don't use it where did that come from but I'm not miss what CFL Yeah, they don't use it No, I'm not gonna see you now But they don't use it so it's cool Here's another one. I agree that we should pay more attention to the cross-site scripting all user Inputs should be sanitized particularly if the reader is genuinely trying to find phrases containing HTML characters It would be so nice to show them a broken layout. You really want to give her a hug, don't you Laura? She's so sweet so I Was posting about malaria the malicious RIA proxy and I ended up on the malaria spam Bought somehow. I don't think they expected to see me on there, but now I'm at it. So that's kind of sweet Mmm Anyone see a problem with this? I can't really see it Lorem ipsum the lore read more the funny thing as I clicked I didn't get any more lorem ipsum I really did I was actually kind of excited to see it, but it wasn't there So here's my joke of the day why do computers have more than one core? antivirus Because wow I Think this was fail You mail yeah, I've had a lot to drink today a lot You know the funny thing about this fail panel was you're supposed to do each other's slides So I was expecting all this good thing. I don't remember anything. I was gonna be talking about guys So there's a company we're doing a little work for and they have a crap load of expenditures in all kinds of different places $100,000 in firewalls $80,000. Yeah, yeah, fuck you. What I just said. I just said I drank a lot. Do you do you work for BP? $80,000 in corporate compliance audits blah blah blah didn't answer It's cuz I don't know maybe and $20 in locks for the doors So so this is what the gate looked like When the two cars filled with four people each smashed through the gate This is what the Outdoor window look like when they smash through with the sledgehammer This is what the one of the interior doors look like when they smash through it with the sledgehammer This is what one of more interior doors look like again sledgehammer Guess what they used to get into there a wrench and that's what's left of the server rack So you see I had nothing to do across that scripted PCI compliant total of $102 plus shipping and handling So I started looking at this thought personal email certificates I'd never actually seen it before surprisingly. I thought I you know It seems like it's kind of out there and like I should know about it And I just found it like a couple months ago But so I kind of have this hard on to like screw with thought for a while because they totally screwed me with this whole like Personal email certificate thing which they like revoked on me. And so I'm like you didn't hear about this Oh, they they just randomly shut it down. The reason for it is that it's expensive to do security Yeah Yeah So I started looking at thought Then I started doing more looking at thought and then more looking at thought And I realized thought has no clue what they're doing at all Goddamn our say Why are you always trying to make fun of people who just do their job? There's so good at it. Why are you a hater? So I started like analyzing how this company actually makes money So they give you a service and you pay for that service. So what do you exact? What are you getting in return, right? It's kind of should be a good thing. So Number one they display the number one trust mark on the internet The verifying trust seal on apparently on search engines. Have anyone ever seen this ever? One two, yo, three four five. Okay. Okay. I guess No, yeah, exactly. No, it's on search engines. That wouldn't be on my side. So stands out in search results Okay, that's kind of the same thing Protects visitors in your site from malware. So it scans your site for malware so that When Google comes and scans your site for malware, they'll find it first So they're believing that they're gonna be better than Google at scanning your site They're gonna catch it before Google does alert you you're gonna fix it and then Google won't mark you as a malware site So let me get this straight except for the fact that Google probably wouldn't have found it in the first place If they're going to be the ones finding it, right So you're seeing Google's praises No I'm not doing that. You just said how great Google wasn't finding stuff. They're pretty excellent Every time our snake says Google a kitten dies Anyone work for Google here Would you really raise your hand if you did it this point? Yeah, really? Oh you liar I met someone who worked for Google once. Yeah. Yeah, it was great Don't ask don't tell No, I think they were a PhD or something They had to solve one of those quizzes on the billboard that's where we got the panties They confirm your identity apparently and they offer free technical support. So congratulations You can pay $300 a month for that crap How much is something like this cost our snail at 300? Yeah, three 20. Yeah, 300 bucks a month Wow No, sorry 300 bucks a year. Why rinse right that? Yeah, good deal exactly so I Just had to bring in the narcissistic vulnerable vulnerability pamp here But one of my favorite parts about this is we really need to clean up our language and then look at a we do In that order not like one after that guy's awesome. I love that guy snake oil named after me life luck Love this guy God I Wish I could be this guy. This is so awesome. He makes a shitload of money Getting owned. This is awesome Except for that one instance. So you guys know he was convicted for identity theft against his own father, right? Really? That's awesome. Is that where you got the idea for life lock from? Huh, if the government wants to send me to jail for this, maybe other people will pay for it too So Yeah, that guy's awesome. So my favorite fail for this year I'll know it's not technical, but my favorite one was BP those guys are awesome. Man, holy crap So first of all they say it's 5,000 barrels a day, then it's like 12,000 and then it's like 35,000 and then it's like a hundred thousand a day and then so what's the difference? But there's no plume because oil floats so you don't have to worry about that thing, right and then It sounds an awful lot like you know the definition of what is is you know, what's the definition of a plume is? So I did a little unit So we did a little Modification on our system here found a little tar Did a little link and so now we can make tar balls with BP That's our junk shot Yeah, they photoshop the porn off the screens of their response headquarters photos Mr. Graham or mr. Maynard either Mr. Graham is up now. I'd like to tell everybody a funny story about mr. Graham He torments me on a daily basis in Atlanta. Yes, he sniffs everything everything Sorry And we'll be sitting at lunch in someplace like an Arby's He's like Hey Dave, how many people do you think have laptops? You know, I'm like gee Rob. I don't know he goes Well, here's one jackass named David Maynard's local PC my fucking hey Well, Dave's doing my talk for me One of the funny things about what I do. So one of the things like a couple years ago. I created So I created a presentation. Oh, wait, wait, wait, I got the look so I've got the brains Oh, no, wait Wait, I have a pretty redhead fiancee over here. She's wearing a black dress Fuck you So speaking speaking of fiancees. So my good friend Robert Lee He got drunk at around 615 like super drunk like flights of beer kind of thing and he proposed to his wife over SMS Was he down on one knee? She hasn't responded yet. Well, he should be here for the epic Oh You said proposes to his wife Spare them proposing someone else's wife wait is she his fiance if she hasn't responded So Dave how long have you been engaged now always wanted so look at him Look at her. Would a fail be fucking around with the situation Dave you do realize there's a chapel right down the hallway. No pressure. Let's narrow it down to a month We'll give you that. No pressure D Do we have a minister in the house? I have never seen me So I'm not getting laid tonight, thank you Thank you all I'm gonna be masturbating to Slides from the film panel Dave you want to borrow my Twitter pic images So this this woman is a love of my life and she's a natural redhead and what I'd really like Right now is Listen to Rob Graham speech donations for the EFF all suck But you swallow So so I wanted to get up here and throw David under the bus For a complete for a different reason and now I feel like I'm gypped so one of the things is is that Dave Maynard one of the things he's famous for is for as for his apple boy bugs And they're really easy to reproduce anyone with a who does any sort of fuzzing can reproduce the bugs, right? The apple lied and said that they didn't exist, right? So this is fairly a well-known story in the hacking community And so David's like kind of pissed off at Apple and over over the years We've been like finding Apple vulnerabilities and hacking Apple machines and having fun with that you can't be pissed off Yet David can't resist being an Apple fan boy. Can you hold up your phone David that you have right now? So how long were you in line waiting for that phone David, so let's talk about that date so I'm I would I would love a nice June wedding I think I think my hair would look good in the the sun. What do you think rich? What my line for several hours waiting for that iPhone 4 to come out And he's tried over the years He's tried to give up his his iPhone because he's gone with the iPhone the first generation the second generation The third generation and he's tried to go to the droid or to some Windows mobile phone or some other phone But yet he always seems to come back to the iPhone. Hey Elizabeth. What do you think about some kids? so What do you think two or three Hey look look I've already told you those kids from Brazil are not actually mine Where the fuck do you go from here? Really? How does your relationship just evolve from this this thing of mutual trust aberration love kind of tender spirit? Okay, so anyway, we go to the ninja party That's what beyond talking about Dave. So I can we switch to this is there a There's a secret. Yeah, first of all, don't throw your friends under the bus Well, let's see today when I often give talks. That's usually the way I start them is by throwing David under the bus So usually it's talking about how I keep hacking into his Wi-Fi stuff and that's often pretty fun Do you like to tell them about Wayne Brady or should I? What Wayne Brady? Oh, yeah, so one of the funnest things is that so we're in Vegas and then a mutual So David always so I do actually get into David's email But I actually never read them because that's this is sort of guy I am So they were in Vegas some black hat and David's going to see Wayne Brady, but he's just getting tickets But I think it was like Elizabeth or another friend of ours We're talking on the phone and she told me that Dave's going to see Wayne Brady But he never told me so he didn't think I knew and he had just gotten an email notification That he did the tickets had arrived About I don't know five seconds later. I text him saying like Wayne Brady is a triple threat So Dave's convinced of course that I'm actually reading his email and like have hacked into it That's not really funny. So and also story This is what I live with every day So any like he gets an email notification back from like the person he bought the ring from or the company And for for Elizabeth and then I mentioned like when you get a ring for Elizabeth now I'm just joking like I don't know when he's getting a ring or proposing or anything like that and So of course again, he's convinced. I'm reading his email Unfortunately over the years. There's nothing I can do to convince of that even though I hack into his email on a regular basis I actually never want to read what's in them. Oh I'll tell you what if you get a blow job and tell the girl to stop before you come I would then believe you don't read Here No, no, oh you put down two things and you're right click man. This was the suckiest fell panel ever God that's saying something I'm gonna show you all my nipples if he lives and keeps up. I'm gonna take my shirt off I click extend Sorry, I'm using windows here And here's a fail. Mr. Robert Graham does not know how to use windows Okay So so that's so I want to talk about David, of course to throw in the bus But I didn't really have much content here. I sort of drawn into this in the last minute Literally last minute little do you know that Rob Graham is actually a highly paid PowerPoint template designer And this is the new voriche P ditty uses this one is white parties So we'll just do deal with this so we've been running here during while we've been talking is a little you know What an evil twin is it's we just Christ. We're running it here. Yeah, so I'm running alive So it's a day's paranoid because we get to a bar and so here's what happens We've been a we meet at a bar like maybe Hooters or something and we sit down and I pull up my laptop I open the cover at that point David says oh shit He checks it pulls out his phone make sure as the Wi-Fi is off on his phone He pulls out his laptop make sure the Wi-Fi is off on his laptop. Otherwise. I'll get into his email again So anyway, I want to talk about evil twin stuff Because I've been doing Wi-Fi monitoring for a while and you want if you want his iPhone. It's right here I can send it to you. I already own it. I mean, there's no I don't need physical access to it So we talked about evil twin and rich actually So it's a rich demo this a couple years ago So I thought I'd do a similar sort of thing because with cell phones a lot of people have Wi-Fi turned on And so actually in this audience, there's about 50 or so people that have Wi-Fi on their cell phones turned on And so we had even yeah, I don't know the exact numbers because my Six let me yeah, let me pull up what so Is that part of the Valkyries? So this is the results of what my this computer of monitoring before the battery died actually I save it to a file and reparse it So here is a list of a lot of the phones that people have in the audience And there's actually a lot of them now the course of from people walking by nearby roads. It's not everybody in this audience So what the evil but it's not evil twin system What I've set up is is that every Wi-Fi probe that goes out Goes and this system responds to it says yes, I am that server So if you try to connect to XYZ PDQ it says yes I'm XYZ PDQ and then you connect to it and So the problem with your cell phone is Is that you don't know Which what where it's where the network access is coming from so you pull out your web your phone You go to a website you run an app and you're not really clear into the fact that it's not hooked up via Wi-Fi to your home Network XYZ PDQ was actually connecting through my little evil twin type thing And I call this evil cousin because I'm not replicating it for example the deathcon network here I'm actually just replicating what whatever home system you have and so I thought that was interesting fail because You know we're in a conference here with people I should know better There is a ton of it. This is by the way That's fellow right there White buys off. Thank you very much. He has learned his lesson by now Really not Run for it Now see what Dave doesn't know while sitting here, I just became an ordained minister Universal life church monastery Lawrence is that really your name Lawrence? So so in this audience it was like, I don't know maybe a hundred people on that list But when you go look at the the full conference I can't really operate this very well As I told you I don't need physical access to it So we're auctioning it off for the EFF target a hundred dollars Never so anyway back to my stuff So for the last couple hours Starting about about an hour before this thing started. It's about 1500 people of just around all of Black Hat I mean of Defcon that have their phones with Wi-Fi turned on and so I thought it was interesting fail that as people go to Defcon Why do you go with your phone with Wi-Fi turned on and I still have no answer for that? No No, but it's like page after page after page of people that are probing for various Wi-Fi access points And If you look at the devices here, they're actually they're mostly mobile the windows mobile phones apples and Androids and the like anyway, so that's all the two that's the two fails I had was Dave Maynard fanboy and and This all the fact that all the Wi-Fi people's phones are turned on people also So I'm going to the bathroom. I've just been offered $500 to the EFF if Dave and Liz tie the knot tonight This week I saw a great headline on CNN and said EFF has big win in gel breaking case I'll add another 500 And I said Tonight Freedom Dave I'll put in another 500 run Dave run Okay, can somebody get Hold on a second Because I think he's We got a runner All right, we'll leave Dave alone So Run Boris run Run I'll add 500 We're up to 2k 200, 2200 Is this legal? Seriously So two people have sex No, we're not No sex There's no sex coming from the fiancee It's not tonight The runner is leaving the room All right, we're done I think he's just doing a lap We have 11 minutes of walking Who's got some slides? Anybody's slides? Seriously, you got slides? Bring them up I got slides There you do I'm talking about cloud computing Oh, fuck that shit You're a cloud anal con Or whatever the All right, Q&A We got nothing else to do So Hack of Pyramid is in track 4 Right after this We highly encourage everybody to go We have hands up for waffles Do we have any random questions you want Of random collection? Yes, sir Pyramid or Jeopardy? It's Pyramid Jeopardy was last night Next question Next Why don't we give you our beer? Because it's our fucking beer You got to do something for the beer What are you going to do for the beer? Do something creative with this whisk That involves your genitals I'll give you a bottle of beer It's all yours, dude Why is there beer still up here That has been drinking? That is three times fucking wide As I am tall You're asking me this question? Sir, anything else I don't know about hacking Or computers or Facebook Yes Oh, yes Yes, you may buy beer $1,000 I'm going to see you on a date Let me get my Magstriper reader out 20 bucks It's going to the EFF It's not going to us Give it to Mortman here I'll take care of it What's the beer for the EFF? We have three pounds of M&Ms And yes No, there's not only the one bottle Of bacon beer Do you have any more guys? We have eggs, chocolate and nuts The only one that can auction off But it's not on print What? Is it here or is it in the room? So you don't have to go up to the room with that dude Right If you always wanted to have sex with Boris Becker Now is your fucking chance Tell me that it's Boris Becker Who's willing to auction? No Is anybody interested in this offer? Auctioning the beer Bacon beer for the EFF 20 bucks 20 bucks 20 bucks Anything else? Have it finished 25 25 Next I got 25, 25, 25 And This is like a gnome All right What? 30 30 for the bacon beer This is so fucked up It's not really bacon, dude All right, anything else? Chunks, dude What's that for? There's soggy bacon chunks in the beer The beer tastes great Just don't eat the chunks Don't eat the chunks I haven't said that before That's what she said That was before the kid The size Cute, right? Yeah, all right There we go Anybody else? I got waffles 40 We have 40 Anybody have 40? 40 plus Anything I don't know how those auctioners go And I'm drunk 25, 25, 25, 25 48 25 25 Anybody more than 45? 4 3 It's so lazy Wow Yeah, one All right 40 bucks it is Coming up We'll hook you up You have to go to his room You got the beer and whatever else You get a free round of paper towels, by the way You'll probably need that But like, bacon beer may be a euphemism So Yeah, either way it's worth it So Any other questions or Okay, we have like 4 more waffles We have some more waffles We have a special guest here Special guest So what's your decision? I will not be voting for Obama in 2012 What was that? I will not be voting for Obama in 2012 Oh, fuck you What are you going to grow some balls? Yes All right So we're going to raise more money for the EFF We're taking donations for To Mary Liz Tonight She's wearing an awesome sweetened dress What do we got? Stand back, turn around, do a little God, our hands are going to hell And I don't even believe in it So Rich, doesn't she get a say in this? No, it's all about the cash No, I'm pretty sure and enjoy it If you prefer you can have Dave Next question or If you don't ask questions, we're letting you go What? Is Greg Evans really here? Does anybody know? No, because if he was, he would definitely be in the fail panel Yeah So This is an open invitation for Greg Evans Open mic, open table, world's biggest hacker conference You can prove your credentials So, yeah You can also bid on Liz All right Seriously, money for the girl? We're not there 500 500, all right We're making progress It's for charity, people It's got to be legal It's for the children Yeah, I mean really Think of the fucking children You're destroying yourself You're a meaner for great things Anything What the fuck are you still doing in this room? You know we're done Any other questions? Anybody else want to do something? Was there a hand back there or are you yawning? Oh, you're touching your balls now That's not good Not in public, back there, yes Well, somebody relay Am I a little alike for Seth Green? That dude's got hair No, the travel velocity He's the fucking travel velocity, no My establish is two years ago Yeah And I think his dick is bigger He only has one ball I'm okay with that I'm fine It works Sniper, one shot, one kill We did that before What? That's why they make clinics Who wants a waffle? Waffle Waffle there, waffle there I'm gonna fucking get at you lazy cunt I'm not fucking getting up here Is Nikita still in the room? Are we ever allowed back? Next question Oh shit, are we supposed to make her a waffle? Oh I have two left Yeah, you forgot to make the pregnant chick a waffle Shhhh That's high on the list of things not to do Seriously, anything? We're done, go away Hacker pyramid Track 4 FRIPPER