 I would just like to note that it's World AIDS Day today. It's World AIDS Day? So just before we hit go, I was just going to say the reason we're watching this today is because Brie Larson, the patron saint of media criticism said that some movies shouldn't be reviewed or at least paid attention to in terms of like if it's like a 40 year old white dude because some movies aren't made for that dude. Am I saying that I hate white dudes? No, I'm not. I do not need a 40 year old white dude to tell me what didn't work for him about a wrinkle in time. It wasn't made for him. So yeah, that's her take. And I mean, I guess that leads us into watching this film. And you know, me, Rags of Metal, probably not going to like this while Fringy and Jay Longbow are going to love it. That was the best. So, how excited is that? We're Disney ruining your franchises forever. Human total. What an ugly child. Oh no. But Chris Pine's attractive, right, Rags? Chris Pine is like a... He looked like Shaggy for a moment and I was like... It's the green, it's not helping. Like Zoinks. Where's our Scooby Snacks? I can't do, I can't do Shaggy. Like Zoinks, where's our Scooby Snacks? Oh, that's not bad. That was pretty good off the top of my mind. Love is always there, even if you don't feel it. That's not a good message for kids who might have abusive parents in the audience. When the appearance beat you, it's because they love you. When I smack you, you don't feel the love, but you feel the smack. And the love is still there. You feel the love? Come on, stop crying. Did you hear that Billy Dee Williams came out as gender fluid? Really? Please don't mention that. I'm sure that he really is. I don't fucking know. Yeah, I think I read an Oscar about that. Good for him. Supposedly he wasn't a wrinkle in time, not talking about Billy Dee Williams' gender fluidity. He went to Disney HQ and they get to the vat of gender fluid. The topics just meshed, okay? There's a lot of relevance to both of them at the same time. I know they got this term gender fluid and I thought, what the hell is a gender fluid? I've always been intrigued with this whole idea of men getting in touch with their softer side. The gentle side. So this wasn't about sex or anything like that. Oh my god. Like stop giving kids these big ass rooms. The dog is just staring at the camera. That's a huge bedroom, man. Looks like little Ben Shapiro. Facts don't care about your feeling. Did I tell you my wife's a doctor? My wife's a doctor. Yeah, my wife's a doctor again. I hope you don't listen to rap music. It's not music. More like crap music. Authorities note, there are... This is such a clunky way of delivering exposition. Like you really shouldn't do this. What's doubly insulting about that is that it was made clunky for you. Oh my god. Every time Friggie is upset or annoyed, it's like, hey, hey, this is for you. Hi, Meg. What the hell was that? They're really trying to pretend like this girl is ugly, aren't they? Oh, Volly, you disappeared too. Oh, shit. Those cruel bullies. Oh, they even stood there waiting for her to react to it. Go to school, you fucking fox. Why didn't they just say it to her? Yeah, exactly. What is this music choice? Fuck you. This is what your people like. Your people like this. It's like poking over the stick, like, laugh. Joy. Yes, it is. I bet it involves another woman. Either that or a Martian. Seriously, though, something so horrible had to have happened to him. To leave his kids like that. And just after they adopted Charles Wallace. This dude doesn't have enough face. Damn. Damn, they talk about this right in front of that kid. Damn. How could he not even see him? I would be too if my dad ran away, huh? Oh, my dear. Nope. And he's literally the worst child to have heard that. Because he's the only person. My dear, I'm sorry. How embarrassing. Yeah, his acting is hella embarrassing. What the fuck? Look at all this kid. That's not very good. Damn, school bullies there, too. Beat that hose ass. I see why your dad left. Yeah. Beat that hose ass. Get the gun out and shoot him in the face. That works, too. Shit, girl. What is this? That's an interesting face. He's a YouTube intellectual. Oh. He's like, did something happen that made you, you know, chase? You're so fucked up. No wonder nobody likes you. I don't know. Maybe, I don't know, have her change her wardrobe and actually see it. Let us actually see a change in attitude. So we can kind of pick up on how her father's just appearance affected her. I mean, fuck. I didn't get it. She beats up people at school now. That's how she's changed. I'm sorry that when I was throwing the ball at the poop, it actually just went straight forward into your face. That always told me to stand up for what I believe in. What were you standing up for what you believed in in that instant as a just a question that I wouldn't ask you right now? I believe that my father shouldn't have disappeared. Hello, insane bitch. Get the fuck out of here. Just immediately goes for the shotgun. Why are you wearing a towel? Do you want me to call 911? Yes. Please do so. She's a KKK member. How are you not like immediately calling the police? She's the child's friend. Yeah, but that's some random woman in your house who appears to be a little bit insane. She's like a billion years older and way more knowledgeable. I want someone to don't breathe her right now. Yeah. I just want to tell you one thing before I go. Make sure to lock your windows. You're like, okay. You are close to each other. You are really close to each other. Getting closer. Getting weirdly closer. Stabs him. There really is such a thing. It's a tesseract. Tesseract, what? Yeah, we wouldn't have used this word unless it was popularized in the Marvel movies. No. I just want the idea that like, he's got to show up and start killing people. He wouldn't be unreasonable. I better run. You better. Yeah, because I'm about to get my gat. Run fast, bitch. Um, well, all right. Goodbye, white penis. You just let people in here? She's dressed like a reverse dick with a really like a wrinkly ball sack on the top. And please stop talking to strangers. Otherwise, we'll reverse adopt you. Correct. That's a cool looking dog right there. Yeah, what's up? Did I just tell you not to talk to strangers? You idiot. This is old man Jenkins. Veronica. Direct hit. Yeah, she was four feet away. Yeah, it wasn't her. Hi, I'm Dick Rinkle. What are you doing here? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The fact that you asked is exactly why we need it. So what do you say, Calvin, you want to come with us? I'm not sure if that logic follows. Sure. Yes, anything. And there we have it, our fellowship. And my axe and my dog and my jacket. Let him die. She really wanted to save him there. Yeah, don't go in there. Okay. It's not ours. The safest place in the universe. Okay. Where are these books? Who are you? What happened to your face? Wow, it's like Narnia. This is basically Rivendell or Bollywood. She reminds me of the hocus pocus witches. It's like a tree without blossoms or fruit. What? Gibran. How can I hate an actor so quickly? American. This is what it means. How many times does it mean to reach a complete and utter strangers? That addressed in a way that suggests mental instability. I guess she was really tired. He's evolved past language. What? Maybe you want to check her pulse? Maybe she's dead, I don't know. Like Froth just starts coming out of her mouth. It's like, oh, oh. What do we do? What do we do? It's like ridges on the floor. Pulp fiction style. Would you like some more water? Exposition time. I'm also interested in small atoms, particles. My husband's penis. Unseeable energies that move through. A small atom. Microscopic. Their dad is all about the big. That's an easy way to explain that. Nice sneakers. Also, this is going to be a lot of exposition coming up. All right. Is within all of us. Think about it. Where in the universe? Electrons once bonded together. Love, if you will. What? Despite being galaxies apart. They connect us to other dimensions. Outside of the limitations of space and time. Imagine that. Imagine. Rather than enduring. We could wrinkle it. 91 billion light years. A, earth, B, anywhere. I did that. We don't need rockets. We don't need spaceships. We just need your mind. I agree with the audience. I have many questions now. The idea that using your mind you can travel between space and time. If you find the right frequency, yeah. So what happens if like a dog just happens to find the right frequency? Hey, dogs get lost all the time. Let's put it this way. You will be overloaded with questions as soon as we get about halfway through. To the point where you'll just sit back and enjoy the ride. What if you actually go to that frequency and you don't even think about it? How does one... Oh no, now I'm in the pizza dimension. What do you say to oh no? You accidentally teleport yourself to the blinded dimension. Oh look, she lives right next to evil school bullies. What's she gonna do? You guys, look at you hanging out. Everybody likes you. Even the teachers. That was... Exposition in this movie, man. It's funny because they think this exposition will account for the rest. You are the popular one. I am not the popular one. And how about we go and find him? Get fucked! Whatever. Magnolia. Okay, that's it. Are people just watching us at all times? We're about to really jump off the rails. You need to get out, get out, get something. How will you make it if you do not? Oh shit, oh fuck. They're all coming at the same time. Run. You need to get out, get out, get something. How will you make it if you never even try? Oh god, here we go. Oh shit's going down. Oh my god. That's no way to refer to a lady. God, I said lady, take it back. Please. Oh my goodness, you're like a cone head. Wow, it's a giant Mammy statue. It's a giant ghost opera. It's like an elephant. Oh my goodness. Is there such thing as the wrong size? No, no, never. She's never looking at him. She's never looking in the right place. Watch Oprah's weight fluctuate from space. To our house. In the middle of the street. We're going to take you on an adventure. Just type in your credit card details. We also accept I'd go and skip cards. No. No, no. No, yes. No, yes, I'm going. What? No, I should tell my mom. The child is going with a scary lady. You're an oddly naive child even for your age. I'm going to rescue the poor child. Oh my goodness. Consume the joy. Have faith in who you are. Have faith in who you are. What? I was actually meant to help you. You can't grab my fucking hand if you're a giant. Go ahead, look around. What are you? What is that? Are you trying to smuggle a table? We had reverse penis. Now we've just got regular penis. Oh my goodness. It's like she's actually trying to shop lift furniture out of a store. Oh, God. Oh, how exciting. They're running. Wow, a hill. It's magical. Keep the faith, Mrs. Watson. Keep the faith is not something that seven-year-olds say. It makes sense. Have you seen this person? Flowers. Flowers? Have you seen this man? Can you help us find him? You've got your finger over most of it. Can you move your finger? The ones in the back, they cannot see. Why would these plants speak English? Why would these plants speak English? What if she was speaking Mandarin or another Spanish? The ball's beyond language. Well, that must be great. She said they speak color. She said they speak color. Really? What? What are you, racist? You're supposed to enjoy that. Oh. Oh, she's getting a new dress. I don't like this dress. I'm going to get a new one. My dress is turning into flowers. Oh, I'm naked now. Let's at least see some of that. Let's see some of that. Oh, if I had a dollar. Oh, she's dead. Oh, she's turned herself to ribbons. You'll love the clean fresh scent of Downey. This is what it's like to chew five gum. The movie. Oh, my God. Look at this. Look at this dude. Wait till you see the No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. Come in and say, director, what the fuck? What are we doing right now? And then the salad monster lies over the horizon. Oh, no. Oh, no testicles. She hasn't said a word yet. You ever wanted to know what a ball looks like without the skin? This five gum has been spiked. Oh, my God. Miss Frizzle gave me LSD. The never ending stole. She even tried that. Shut the fuck up. Wow, you know how to suck the fan out of literally flying. That's incredible. Oh, no, it's the gay. Oh, no, it's cancer in the air. Oh, no, it's the sky aids. It's Oprah. It's the licorice monster. I'm actually serious. Oh, well, he's dead. He had one job. I guess you could test her or whatever. Save the twink. Stop awkwardly running. You look like a penis. That probably killed like three. Not only would that kill a shit ton of these flower things, but he'd be dead too. Yeah, exactly. He's still done. Lettuce cabbage monster was intending to save him and failed. Home to a purely evil energy known simply as the it the it. Thank you, space Oprah. She's intact. She's fine. Rockstar Dark Souls fan. She should be glorious. Why do I keep changing the like out there? Because it's quirky. I absolutely do not understand. Oh, she's shaking. Oh my goodness. Queen of Adolable shit we got going. Now she's carrying two hamster cages on her ass. Mamma, are your pants squeaking? No, that's just the sound my vagina makes. And you won't until you become one with the universe. Oh. Finally, a little color. Whoa, whoa. All right. Well, you obviously don't understand the importance of balance. Oh, Zach Galvanac. Yeah, that stunt guy had way more muscle definition than chubby ass Zach Galvanac. Mother of Bear. We are looking for a man who's lost in the universe. Really don't understand how thinking about how everyone can do this perfectly except me. Everybody's like on board, she's not and she's asking the basic of questions like how does thinking about a person mean you find them? Didn't we just try this? I'll believe that then. You must see with your mind. Don't look away. What? Don't look away, but my eyes are closed. Well, whatever you see in your mind don't look away from it. This exposition is kind of driving me mad. The longest thing in the universe. It's so over. How fucking dare you? I'm trying to understand how this amazing world building works. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Did she just say that it's the only thing that travels faster than light? Is the darkness, yes. Is the it. But you can travel faster than light by doing your wrinkles. I mean, in effect. Sorry, this moment here is to explain that this is like it does evil things. Oh. It encourages people to do things that are nasty. Why are we singing this song? He just got promoted where someone else should have been promoted. She's concerned that she's not thin enough. All the bad things that happen in the world are because of the creepy space aides. Oh my god. This is Scientology. Space aides is why this is happening. Okay. Look at this poor guy. Space aides did this. Don't take my hat or my groceries. I need my apples. Don't take my crack, please. They didn't even wait. They're throwing loads of it. If you're going to rob someone, rob them. Oh my god. This means that Hitler actually did nothing wrong. Yeah, it was space aides. Oh my god. She's about to fall off her little orange space rock in the center of like a deep volcano while talking to magical wizards all over the world. She says be a warrior. This isn't helping. He got himself a blacker, bigger booty chick. Oh, that's going to be easy. They find him and he's just like with this girl. Like, oh, hey. He's on a larger barge somewhere. It's like, dad, did you get lost? He's like, yeah, I was lost. Yeah, lost, lost. Oh, terrible. This chick claps her booty cheeks like no other. Your mother doesn't, you know? LaKeisha has the suction I need. What is happening in this movie right now? He's, these drags, he found the frequency. Don't you understand? His music is really helping. Wouldn't he be like, if I find the frequency, I might fucking disappear. If that's the case, then send. Well, no, he can actually choose to go and tell them about this or just fucking go with it. I was going to say this is, I remember us discussing how much of a piece of shit he is. That's the frequency. Yeah, there you go. Raise my kid. Raise my kid or disappear. Oh, wow. He just left. He just left. When they find him, he's going to be like, oh, my God, I was sucked in. It was like a hoover. I went right in. Oh, it was terrible. Hold on. If you found the frequency, how was he meant to, like, with his brain make that happen? It doesn't mean that you can make your brain. Oh, dude, I don't fucking know. You talk about, like, being a warrior and fighting, but I don't actually know what that entails. Dude, you're asking questions like she has been and they shun that throughout this movie. They're like, oh, question asker. Oh, then let's just test her right outside of where the thing is. We can only test where we find light, but there's light in pretty much all of the universe except for black holes. We know the light is just, like, metaphorical for... They mean, like, light in the stupid where she was. Can you test to be close to it and I will take a torch in there? No, we cannot. We cannot what? No, we cannot. Oh, she forced them back out of earth and into the... Wait, I thought you couldn't go here because there's no light. No, this is somewhere else. This is an Elysium from Gladiator. No, this is Cornland. So, did you just use your own words? She's weakening. As am I. No, she can't quote. She's trying to quote her. They're giving them gifts, guys. It looks like a powdered donut. They work well in a moment. They're doing the Lord of the Rings thing. Oh, thanks for that. The it desires our strongest light. Do not give in. What does that mean? I'm going now. Be careful. It's so funny. They were kidnapped by crazy aliens and ditched on some planet in the middle of the darkness. You're like, oh, okay. And the fact that they actually blame Meg for it. You fucked it up. What? I didn't know... Oh. Thank goodness you would directly beneath one of those. Yeah, you would have... I want to point something out. Lil kid disappeared and they were told by ghostly voice that he's totally fine. You need to run. What? Because this is happening. The only reason he was teleported out of here is because they couldn't do this scene with that child, probably. Watch, I remember this. Watch, watch how they... What guys, what's the plan? What do you reckon? The plan is to climb up that wall. All right, yeah. You got any ideas other than just climbing? Oh, it got quiet all of a sudden. Oh, this is making things worse. Yeah, stopping for no reason was really useful. Look, it picks stuff up and throws it over. No, come on. She said the word velocity. Do you understand science? This is the only way. This is the only way. But like, how do you plan on landing all your bones? She said to you, trust me. Like, just tell me what your plan is. What are you doing? What? No, I said I trusted you. I thought you meant like something else. I don't trust anything. Oh, here it's called let's give me all Indiana Jones. How they're doing the fridge thing. I like the idea that the director's like, well, they do a lot of jobs, so this totally makes sense. You guys just, you can't just enjoy a film, can you? You have to rip. You have to be like, oh, this doesn't make sense. Just enjoy it. See? Death. Holy shit, that was actually really close if they just slapped it to the wall. Oh, is it? How convenient is it that it just stopped when it needed to? I like that she mentioned velocity as if this film cares about that. I mean, surely you've got some head injury. Like, at least there's no broken barns. How did you do the whole thing with the log? Just a physics thing. What? No idea. This guy's chin is crazy. If we fuck here, it'll be different. I like your hair. I like your hair. You said that like five scenes ago. Dude, come up with some better material. I told you, the ghostly voice said he's five, so don't worry about him. Nothing in this follows along. Like, there's no part of this that's confusing. Uh, what? It makes sense, goodness. There's giant rock tornadoes here. No, why would the rock tornadoes be in the neighborhood? That makes no sense. Oh, this is that mission from Fallout 3, I knew it. Disney is God. Disney is God. You know the mouse. My shirt is bright. Rhythm. It hurts. Your ears. Oh, wow. Nice one, right? I bet you're hungry. Here's an apple. It's not poisoned. I have roasts and potatoes and cakes of all sorts. Thanks, we're good. Fine, fuck you. It wasn't just the one cake. It was like three. Oh, Jesus, this is normal. They're poultry geisting. Wait, what? What's the fuck? That was just weird for the sake of the weird. What? Evil planet? I don't even get it. It's just a weird planet. I'd say this is officially the point where you know that any single if anything could happen, it wouldn't matter. Michael Payne, yeah. How come you can hear him over? Oh, God, welcome to Fantasy Island. Oh, me? I'm nobody. You know my father. Yeah, I totally know your father. He's a great guy. I just saw him a couple of minutes ago. Duff. What's wrong with that? It tastes like... Like sand. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Food's ain't all dust, too. Yeah, it is. Cuties. Oh, no, it also tastes like sand. There's a problem here. Oh, no. I hate sand. What test? What? 26 is 12. 27 is 14. What is this? What test? You got it. I'll take you right to him. Going off to Milestation Land! Is this another one of those situations where you desperately don't want him to do a thing and you just don't grab him? Yeah. You just let him walk off? Thanks for everything. Oh, no, he's evil. Okay. Oh, now she's going to get into it. Did you catch that exposition line? My little brother! I like how Logan took it to realize. Oh, he's got the fools. Oh, he's Diabeto. Don't make much easier, I promise. He is dangerous. What has he done to you? Shut up, Meg. Yeah, young Kylo Ren gets real. Shut up, Meg. Shut up, Meg. I can tell. I haven't actually done literally any rescuing this entire movie. Please, everyone, hoping to convince them that you're not just a burden to your father and your... No, but that's actually a good thing. If anything, you're naming a virtue. Why is he a Marionette now? No doubt about that, little guy. What? Would you like to meet it? That happy sadist. Not especially. It's acting! Motherfucker, give me a basketball. I wish I could take it to him. Oil this kid's hinges. What is happening? Things don't stop existing because you can't see them. I'm sorry. What? I was so dumb, I'm actually confused. Yeah, like, I wouldn't be able to be afraid or shocked because I wouldn't understand anything. Oh, the trinket. Now it'll be useful. Oh, really? Is this a one-time thing? No, I see poor people. What? What's clever about it? Why don't you just teleport them to somewhere else like the beach again? What if she walked without using the glasses and she just bumped into it? Why is she taking the glasses off? Yeah, that was what to say. Just leave the glasses on and see where you need to fucking fuck your feet. What? How did you remember that was this? You're just nods like you're doing it. It's like, what is this for? What does it do? I'm with you, I would like to not be here as well. Oh, here she is. She's such wonderful cinematography. I want to sit in the dark and reflection and listen to this song, not watch a kid fucking disappear to a pink butthole. Oh, that's dead. Hey, I've been in this room for like years. Oh my god, do you have like a sandwich or something like that? I'll take a sad sandwich at this point. I need an orroco. Wow, are you always black? I don't know. Why would you even believe she's real? Tell me something only Meg would know. You can't even do that with this crazy universe shit. He just grabs her afro and throws her across the room. I know your fake bitch. Why are you trusting this is real? Oh, now we're trapped here forever together. If I was here as bad, I don't fucking know if you're real. You could be anything. So it's so long that he's missed her this much, but he's been stuck in this room for that long. Has he been shabbing his bed? I don't even know. I don't fucking remember how this film justified. Maybe only one second has passed. Well, find out, Mahler. Don't spoil it for us. We got to find out how it happens naturally. What are you kidding? You're not going to like this? Yes, I will. I've let him leave it all the time left. Don't lie to me. This film was not made for you, buddy. There's a white man in there. I can identify with the character. No, he's the bad man. He is. He left his children. He's a bad guy. Okay, one mistake. Oh, wait. Technically, he didn't leave the kids. The it made him. Oh, yeah, that's true. Literally, no one is responsible for anything bad that they do. No. Hitler did nothing wrong. We've been over this. I will never leave you, sweetheart. He kind of did, though. Did you catch that? Yeah. He's like, sure you left with the intention of coming back. I'll buy that. Hi, we were waiting for you. Here. Were they just staring the whole time? Charles Wallace. Are we floating right now? You son. Pins on here, you ask. Oh, don't pull that gender fluid bullshit with me. Young man. Oh, both of these broke. Yeah. I'm also pretty sure they landed on their heads, too. What do you mean? There's photographs of me everywhere. I don't understand. They're like, obviously it's lying. That's what it does. He really is convincing. Yeah. Don't believe it's lies. I'm confused as to the power of the it. I'm confused as to the power of the it. To the rape chamber with all of you. It's a good thing I'm like seven. Get the loo. Or this raping would hurt a lot more. Let her go. Let her get in. Give up. I like the idea that the boy is also like, hey, I'm here too, but okay. You know, it's really hard to take you seriously because it's all coming out of the mouth of the seven year old. He might be like six. You don't get it. My melanin is confused right now. Oh, she's coughing red. Oh god, you're coughing out your diva. It is. Come on. This is stupid. He was trapped before, but now he's not because everyone's trapped. But he's not trapped now? Well, he was dragging them to the rape dungeon, but he didn't quite get there. Is it now really the time to do this? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I left you. I left you, but do you want to die? Thank goodness she's exposing that to us because... I love my characters announcing why they do everything. Yeah, it would have been nifty if they showed some kind of familial bond between the two at some point. What do you mean? They've said hi to each other. Oh, yeah. Well, it looks like there's some light there. Oh my god. That's what I was about to say. Unfortunately, she's not saying, my brother, my beloved Charles Wallace. Hello. It's old Twizzlers. It's like the inside of an anus. Oh my god. It's infected with AIDS. This is literally like three-year-old Twizzlers by a radiator. This is your anus on AIDS. No, wait, this is Joe Biden's brain. Oh. Well, that makes a lot more sense. As Barack says in a three-letter word, John. J-O-B-S. It's some activity there, but mostly Dolby. Uh, what is going on? Oh, no, it's... Is it the bully? It's Mrs. Lady. Oh, it's like... It's like... Stuck-up vision of yourself. That's a vision. Oh, because you have straighter hair. That's tough to argue. Why is she dressed like a fucking X-Men? She's a skanker. She's doing the you suck faces. Look at it. Oh, get fucked. I would bully myself. She's perfect. No, she's not. She's dressed like a skank. They prefer to be called sluts, rags. Mission failed. We'll get them next time. Oh. Bye, baby street walker. Did you just use your force powers on her that you have? That was the best take you had. What? Oh, shit. Jeez, that looks like a hurt. He broke his spine. He's screaming and he's like, I'm not done with the model long. Shut up. Nobody in school likes you. Oh, damn. This is an extra-dimensional love-crafting and terror thing in space. And it's like... You're not even popular. Yeah, you're not even popular. You don't have big boobs. He's like waiting for you to respond. What? I don't trust anyone. No, that's literally not true. You trust a lot of people. Yeah, there's quite a few. You trust strangers quite well. Yeah, from other planets. Man, zoom in on those teeth, please. Also, did you hear what he said? If you understood how weak light is. What do you mean? What does that mean? It's a weird statement. Like, what do you mean? That's why you check in on me during recess. She's killing it with love. She's killing it with kindness. You want me to be happy? You're a good person. Because they felt your love. And you should love me because I deserve to be loved. Oh, this is so gay. Oh, my God. You love me. What can one audience do against this reckless faggot? What are you doing, just picking her up and then passing it to a different hand? What was that? Exchange her between yourselves. Too late, she's evil now. Oh, he's been crying? What's the it doing this whole time? What's it like doing? I don't know. It just wants to make people be kind of mean to each other. It sounds helpful because through these little bitty tribulations it teaches them about the love they have for each other and appreciation for one another and it sounds kind of nice except the Hitler thing. Oh, the it's gone. I guess everybody's awesome now. Well, all there is is love. It made it so love wasn't a thing. Shit linen beans are back together again. So that's all it took. You said you loved your brother and now it's just what? Wait, if those things go away what are you standing on? Yeah, it's pretty cool. Everything slowly dissipates and then they just start strangulation. Oh, it's Oprah. Does anyone care about the guy? Well, I knew you could do it all along. Do what? I never doubted you for a second. Yes, you did, obviously. Doubted that the woman could do the thing because she had no idea what the hell they're talking about. Who are these people? Yeah, who are you? Some of our best warriors have come from Earth. What? Einstein. What? And Trump. And Trump. She loved. What? That delivery fuck. Look at you. Oprah, look at yourself right now. I want some crimpy fries right now. For some reason. They do look kind of fry-like. Everyone, they zoomed in too much on people in this. They need to learn to come back a bit. We need to see every fruit. That one fry that you find at the bottom of the bag whenever you go through the drive-thru. That little fry down there, that's me. There'll be more of us. Miranda. Oh, God, no. Oh, no. More try-hards. Oprah's got the whole penis look going on as well. Black power. Black power. We're going to Wakanda. I just like the idea that they're like, little girl, you did it. You understand. She's like, yeah. I don't know what the fuck just happened. I did it, I guess. Yeah, this whole thing is a fever dream. Wait, where'd they go? Oh, geez. Okay. And she's like, no, this is my planet. Come out the other end onto a train track and get slammed by a fucking bullet train. She sees it. And she's like, what the fuck? They go, how can you have love without knowing pain? Okay. No. Please slap it to a wall. Slap right into a brick wall. What is happening right now? Oh, my goodness. What is this? It makes sense that this is where the film sort of ends. It's like, yeah, we don't know what the fuck is going on. Nobody does. Why are you happy? Relax the mind. Yeah, I do this. What is this? End it already. My eyes are disintegrating. I'm behind. You did it. You're absolutely glorious. Did what? Don't even know what that means. Oh, look, dad and guy. I just love the idea that this whole time the main character has absolutely no clue if this has happened and they're all like, you did it. She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. You bet. Also, your jacket's back. How was there 15 more minutes of this schlock? How come he's not running into greed, his wife? The wife isn't important. Who cares? Why would wife care about her husband who's been missing for like five years? Mom, he was hiding behind the hedges the whole time. Told you you should have checked back there. For four years? Have they resolved the fact that he abandoned her? Please don't tell your mother about all of those women. All of those women. It wasn't real. I was being tortured. They showed it like that to you to make you think I was happy. Yeah, I'm actually super gay. So now everyone's just going to be lovely and happy. Honestly, if you give your draft of the story to a friend and you have an enemy force called the it, I just immediately send it back, be like, maybe no, maybe not that. Maybe try something else. She should be looking out that fucking window for an hour and a half. Is this all you do is watch us in the backyard? She's what's called a one-dimensional character. Oh, no, she's two-dimensional. Yeah. Oh, my God. How can you just like... Did you see this? Hello there. The dramatic timing. Like he was standing outside for the cue. He was like poking his eye around the corner. Like, is it that? No, not yet. I'm sorry. You come back and you just say, I'm sorry. What? Yeah, I feel like she'd have fucking her brainwicks blowed. What? You fucking asshole. So what did she out-support it, nigga? They reconnect. Everything's great. She's like, so like, payments didn't come through. Yeah, don't mind that guy Tyrone upstairs. He's about to leave. Would have been hilarious if she remarried. It's like, oh, oh, this is... Oh, man. They have that awkward scene where Chris Pines like, I got, I got things. I'm gonna, you know... Wow, this is such a long like closing for this movie. Did Eddie, because right, this film flopped. Did anyone watch it in the cinema understanding this? I thought he was going for a kiss for a second, man. Yeah, keep it. You know, PG. She's like, okay, Josh, and he's like, it's not my name. David. No. Jeff. Tyler. Just say stop. Anakin. Do what? Yeah. I legit don't know what she did. Believed in herself and upon the universe and love. She learned that black girls are magic. White guys, though. Nope. They get, they get trapped in anus rooms. Safe and warm in the anus room. Good old anus room. He's like, it's not that bad. The next film is about his PTSD and how he misses the anus room. He's like, I need to go back. We need to go back. I need to go back. Like, have they altered everything forever for everyone by killing the it? Is the it, yeah. Does that mean there's no, like, hatred or sadness? Oh, well, you know, that's it. That's all we needed. Directed by Ava DuVernay. What directed by should have said is please avoid this person. I mean, what, what happened in this movie? So, my fellow black people, did you love your movie? This nigger movie was the nigger, nigger... So basically, what happened, right? This is funny, you could find, like, positive reviews of this, I guess, but it was mostly, like, just said, like, what the fuck was this, and it flopped. And Brie Larson's response was like, I don't want to hear a 40-year-old white guy talk about this movie. I want to hear a black woman talk about it, and you're like, what? I want to say one thing to Brie Larson. From a darky vagina. This movie is shit. This is garbage. Four-year-old white guy goes, Brie, it's shit. Then she goes, I want to hear from the black women. You go, it's shit. Okay, well... You're in honor of white. You got the wrong opinion. You know how you get those stories? This happens with Marvel movies that are, like, an ensemble one, but they record scenes and pieces of dialogue and they're like, I don't even know how this actually matches in. The only people who do are the editors and, like, directors and stuff. And I like that they probably told her, like, oh, it won't make sense when you're filming. Like, don't worry, it'll all come together. Then she watches this, like, no. It doesn't come together at all. That picture of Zach opening... Chris Pine gets filling after Zach Galifax. Chris Pine showed up for a day. Star Trek Into Darkness fucked up his career. God, imagine being a part of this. Into Darkness. Oh, no. He was going into the... Shit! Is there an after...? Is there an after...? No, no, no. But, yeah, that was a wrinkle in time. And it's possibly my pick for, like, just most nonsensical movie that's mainstream. They can kiss the wrinkle in my asshole. You know how, like, a lot of movies will be, like, you can point out contradictions? With this one, it's hard to point them out. Because it's like, nah, nothing makes sense. So... I don't know if it contradicts itself. It's the ultimate objectively good movie. They're playing that goddamn shot A-Slog again! There's no rules. There are no rules. They're playing it again. Listen. Oh, my God. Stop it! This is music for when you break up, not for a fucking kids movie. Oh, the end of this movie feels like a breakup. I don't know about you. I feel like I'm starting a new life now. Oh, I just love the idea that reviewers have to talk about this film. Like, they're like, uh, yeah, it was... wow, you know. I would have just sat down and said, what the fuck? Hey, Oprah, what did you think of the movie? She's like, it was such a experience. Yeah. No, she just farts in response. Glitter comes out. Of Oprah Winfrey. Look, look, look, look. It says Science Advisor. Doctor Stafford Alexander. Science Advisor. Science Advisor. Science Advisor Willy Wonka. Daddy DeVito is a science advisor. This was made by Lucasfilm. Lucasfilm Company? Well, the sound was, at least. Oh, just impressive. And can you imagine being like, why did this flop? Why did this not make the money back? And you're like, oh, you know, it's tough to know these things. You just, it's tough. Man, I hope Shade got her money. God. Fuck. I'm telling you, look up Shade music. You'll be like, what? They use her fucking music for this movie? I mean, I always picture like films that don't give a shit. We'll just pick like a selection of pop music and be like, just throw it in. I don't know. This is like random. Like you can tell an old black woman made this movie. Yeah. You know, the kids love Shade. You know, that chicken talk who makes a song about all her break up. Would you give it out of 10 guys? No. Yeah, I have no idea. How do I assign a numeric value to this movie? This is like a licorice stick out of broccoli. I have no idea how to rate this. I just like, what? I have no idea. I can't even organize my thoughts because it's so trying to like plot, summarize this for a friend. Also, they're in a forest and there's like a tornado and then they get in a tree which takes them to like a beach. No, sorry, a suburban household set with a bunch of creepy robot children that then takes them to the beach where they go to the white room and there's invisible stairs. You're like, what? What does that have to do with anything? What is any of that? I don't want you out of kiss my ass, that's all I give it. I give this movie one dildo size larger than my anus. It's rough but workable, you know. See, my review would just be a question mark. There's no way to begin. Obviously, we would have missed some of the exposition to explain all of it but I really don't think, you know. I don't think there's any explanation that would be sufficient. It's a complete... Well, velocity. Visual effects by some bitch named Lola. Some bitch who runs some drag club in Harlem. Fucking Lola can do it. Like a non-threatening villain. He just like grabs people and kind of like shakes them a little bit and then throws them down and is like, oh, got you. DJ Khaled, what the fuck? I'm glad that Disney wanted to put their name on this. With a total production and marketing budget of around $150 million the film was one of the biggest box office bombs in history. To be fair, $150 million you said? Fucking hell. Alright, well $130 million of that was for Oprah. Well, like it lost $130 million. Oh my god. It was to pay for his fucking clothes, it'll fit around her ass. We need... We just need the sheer fabric. So I don't know anything about the muff, but what is up, arrow up and down in the equation? I mean, I I think those are meant to be Vs. The film is dedicated to our fathers. To them. In the top row, that's like arrows, like other fucking people had. Yeah, it's like, arrow is greater than, arrow is greater than A, no, arrow A greater than line up, arrow down, greater than minus one arrow down, greater than one up, greater than and then just bracket. Like what the fuck? FR with one dot. FR with two dots. Plus G. Apparently the derivative of dT of dV and that's velocity, I think over d cross, like crucifix equal to negative change in P plus change take T plus F that's did they just go like, alright, just get a bunch of math sticks and just write it down anywhere? Absolutely. Did the science advisor tick off on this one? Like yeah, that's great. The science advisor wrote this, he was like, yeah, science. That's a test. You're in version 24.5 and all of that is smaller than Oh! Oh! Oh, with the X. Exactly. Are they trying to say it's smaller than zero? Okay, well, yeah, that happened. I don't see anything wrong with any of this. The math checks out. Yeah, thanks. You're a smart person. For coming along, such a wonderful journey. That... Oh, good gracious. And always remember, A is Earth and B is anywhere. I was going to say as well, with the rate that we're getting these EFAP movies released, this one will come out next Christmas and so the icons will be suitable, I'm sure of it. Amazing. Goodbye. Bye-bye. And something may the magic in the light, something... Just angel dust! Angel dust! It's pretty racist, Rags. Seriously. Fuckin' hell. Remember, always be less than... Oh! Oh! Oh!