 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com. And I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. Our topic, why does he only want to talk on the telephone? All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, this content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Also, these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony. Similar to the videos, I shoot my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. And if you post a question, I shoot a video specifically just for you. So check out the link below in the description, my VIP group. All right, let's talk about why guys talk on the telephone a lot and don't schedule dates or don't even seem to pursue you on a physical level. So this is a very new phenomenon that's come about I'd say in the last 20 years. I say new because let's think about it. You know, we didn't spend a lot of time on the telephone, you know, back in the 80s and 90s, certainly, for those of us who are baby boomers and Gen Xers and such, or certainly in the 70s as well. We basically connected face to face. And now we're in a whole different world. This is one of the reasons why dating and relationships is so confusing, because we are no longer in an environment where we have proximity with one another, where we're actually connecting on a physical level. We spend more time on our devices, you know, than we do where we're actually plugged into our devices more so than we are plugged into humanity. And I think this is one of the reasons why men and women have become actually rather dependent on their phones. And what I mean to say dependent on technology and communication in this format instead of actually human connection. Now, let me kind of elaborate on this. So, and by the way, this particular question actually came to me from one of my members. She sent me this question personally to me and I thought I'd shoot a YouTube video versus doing it in the group. But she was asking about why do guys want to talk on the phone more than meeting in person or even trying to have sex with me. So I was thinking back to right after my divorce, which was, oh God, a decade and a half ago, I was in my early forties and I was, you know, talking to women online. I mean, basically, first I use internet dating to connect with women and then I began talking to them first online through instant chat boxes and such. And then on the telephone and I found myself spending one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I once had an eight hour telephone call with a woman. Can you imagine that an eight hour? I think we started at eight o'clock at night and finished it four in the morning. And she lived far away. So we never actually, we never met in person. But I found myself, I found myself personally wanting to talk on the phone with women. I mean, a lot. And I see this happening with so many men and I get this question from so many women as well. Why would men do that? Why would a man just only want to talk on the phone and not meet me in person and not want to even try to sleep with me? I mean, why would men do that? And that's what I want to lean into this conversation today. And I think it's first we have to understand that human beings are thirsty for connection. That's right. Human beings are thirsty for connection. Men and women alike. And for some people, the connection is a face-to-face connection. And for some people, it might be via the internet. And for some people, it might be on the phone. It's interesting how we've shifted from a physical-based connection to the world to more of an electronic-based connection to the world. And yet, human beings are suffering on the inside and wanting connection. This is why, for the ladies that watch my channel, I just want you to know, I know many of you are frustrated with men. I know many of you are angry at men. I know many of you are disappointed in men. And by the way, men say the exact same thing about women. So, they have frustration, disappointments, anger and that sort of thing. It's not singular to one gender. This is really the complaining or being upset is because something happened in our world and then we label it as being the other person's fault instead of taking ownership. And I know I'm going off on a tangent. I'm going to get to the point of why do men do this in a second. But I just want to lean into the conversation that, look, whatever frustrations you have about men, I invite you to please throw that out the window. Throw out the frustration about men per se. I know you can have a man in your life that frustrated you, but don't make it all about all men. Because if you make it about all men, then it's going to make it difficult for you to attract a great guy in your life. This is why I'm such a big proponent of everyone reading my book, What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so we can start taking ownership within our lives instead of what I'm seeing habitually happening is when the finger is pointed at the other gender. And all that does, let me just say this, pointing the finger at the other gender and instead of the specific person, all that does is attract more negativity in your life. And that's my invitation to shift that. All right, so we're going to get into the why men want to talk on the phone to women. And as I've experienced this myself before and as I look back on all those experiences, and by the way, I'm very grateful for all those telephone calls because it led me to my passion in life to be a dating and relationship coach. So through my desperation, I will say, it led me to my passion. So why was I desperate to talk to women on the phone? And why are men desperate to talk only on the phone with women? It's because men desire female energy. I'm going to repeat that men desire female energy. Now I didn't say feminine energy. I'm talking about a female's energy. Let's make it about the gender itself because masculine and feminine energy is inside of all human beings, no matter what your gender is. So that's why I'm saying female energy and men desire female energy, especially in the area of communication because we men oftentimes don't have other men that we can talk to at an emotional level, at an intimate level, at our fear-based level. Because with us, with other men, it's going to demonstrate weakness. I'm going to repeat that. If we start sharing our insecurities with other men, we are going to start feeling weak on the inside and they're going to perceive us as being weak and then all of a sudden our confidence level starts dropping. So why do we choose women for this? Because women are beautiful creatures. So are men by the way, but women are beautiful creatures. You have this capacity to be nurturing and loving and consoling and understanding. I'm going to repeat that. You have this ability to be understanding. In fact, you oftentimes look at the best in people. Men tend to look at the worst and women look at the best. That's not always true, but I'm just saying that's partially true. And so we desire that female energy to really just release. And for some men, there's no interest in actually meeting in person. I mean, there might be an interest. Let me backtrack. There might be an interest in meeting in person and yet they're so tied down with fear that it's not about actually meeting in person. It's just about connection. And this is why a lot of guys talk on the phone and don't ever schedule dates and don't even pursue you sexually. So what can you do about this? That's really the question. What can you do about this? Well, let's talk about that. By the way, my coffee mug says, coffee tastes better when shared. And my t-shirt today is there is no spoon. There is no spoon. And for those that know the matrix, that's a reference from the movie The Matrix. And there's kind of an irony here when we talk about The Matrix, because The Matrix is all about being plugged into technology. And in the same way, we are plugged into our devices. I mean, we're literally jacked into our devices. We've become quite dependent upon this. And this comes back to the point of why men are talking on the phone versus actually connecting in person, because they're really jacked into their devices and not jacked into humanity. Whoa, not jacked into humanity, not jacked into their own humanity of loving on themselves, loving on themselves. By the way, if you're not familiar with the book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, I highly recommend reading this book as well. This is a great book to read. Okay, so how can we shift the narrative? How can we shift the men from going from the telephone to actually meeting? Ladies, I want to encourage you to do it. I have a simple formula for dating, a simple formula dating. It's three, two, one, three. Three, two, one, three. Okay, so what this is is the three stands for three email exchanges. Most likely I'm assuming you're connecting with men online. Okay, so I want you to do no more than three email exchanges that leads to a one or two telephone calls, one or two telephone calls. Okay, and by the way, I even recommend doing Zoom calls these days or FaceTime calls these days, especially to eliminate those scam artists that are basically stringing you along. You want to see, you want to see do they match their photograph? Okay, so no more than three email exchanges leads to one or two phone calls that should lead to one date and this should all happen in a three week period of time. So three, two, one, three. No more than three email exchanges leads to no more than two telephone calls leads to one date all happening in the three week period of time. This way you don't get sucked into this incessant communication. Now, you might be wondering, but Jonathan, there's distance between us. Listen, folks, long distance dating is a absolute crapshoot. Okay, absolute crapshoot. And I've known women who have spent years communicating with someone they've never met. You can spend years communicating with someone you've never met. Do you want to be in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship or do you want a kind of relationship via the telephone? This is the challenge with long distance. By the way, with long distance, I would use the exact same formula three, two, one, three. Okay, basically three email exchanges leads to now you might need to do a more than a couple phone calls and leading to a date might take a little more than three weeks, but I wouldn't push it out much more than four weeks. Either shit or get off the pot. I mean, either get busy moving or get busy, you know, dying kind of thing. The line's actually from Shawshank Redemption, get busy living or get busy dying. Folks, I know you can get sucked into, by the way, when you get sucked into the trap of talking to men, you're actually enjoying their male energy. Think about that. So if you're getting sucked into the telephone call, he's seeking your female energy and you're getting sucked into the male energy, but ultimately are you actually connecting to meet in person? Because ultimately, what's the point of talking, talking, talking if you don't meet? And my invitation to you is cut to the quick much sooner than allowing this to progress and keep going on and on and on and on. Okay, so why do men do this? Because they want the female energy. They want that nurturing, loving energy to talk to someone. And by the way, you've actually just become an inexpensive therapist most of the time, instead of actually a potential life partner. Let me repeat that. When a man is talking to you over and over, and by the way, you're doing the same thing. If you're talking to him, he's your therapist, you're his therapist, and there could be some value to that too. But I'm just offering you the why this happens, and I'm giving you some opportunity to shift this narrative, maybe use my three, two, one, three method, three, two, one, three method to see if it works for you. All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below if this resonated with you. If you like my coffee mug, if you understand the reference to the matrix and the whole plugged in, I'd like to hear about it. And also, if you'd like to have more of a personal touch with me, check out the link to my VIP group or schedule a free discovery call with me. All right, we're going to wrap up this video as we always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic, John the bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love, because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.