 Item number SCP-2337 Object Class Euclid Special Containment Procedures SCP-2337 is to be kept in a standard avian habitat cell with soundproofing. Personnel are required to wear Level 3B Correction 5A Correction 7A Correction 26M Ear protection while handling SCP-2337 Transportation for SCP-2337 is to be carried out using a portable soundproof crate. Though SCP-2337 has no need of nutrition, gummy worms, note SCP-2337 calls them strangle fruits, are to be provided upon request and not restricted as a reward for good behavior. Due to SCP-2337's poor grasp of cause and effect, punishments and rewards will inevitably result in frustration on part of involved personnel. As of the 12th of May 2014, all staff are advised to not attempt to emulate SCP-2337's speech patterns in its presence, and are assured that SCP-2337 understands some degree of human English. Description SCP-2337 is a male corncrate, genus Krex Krex. It is sapient, sentient, and capable of speech. All of its vocalizations are extremely loud, with a minimum observed volume of 90 decibels and maximum of Though this can and has caused damage to personnel's hearing, SCP-2337 is oblivious of its ability and is generally friendly with Foundation personnel. SCP-2337's vocalizations take the form of a language tangentially related to English. It often appears to be word salad, but upon closer inspection, can have meaning in English through a series of vague innuendos, metaphors, rhyme, and arbitrary insertions of the word cac. As such, SCP-2337 will answer to the name Dr. Spanko. Initial reports of SCP-2337 came from unusual noises from a field near Sussex, UK, which led to its capture in the same area. Upon containment, SCP-2337 appeared to take hostile action against Foundation personnel, emitting blasts of noise that ruptured the eardrums of three agents. Upon later examination, it was revealed that SCP-2337 was attempting to make friendly conversation. Addendum. Since the containment of SCP-2337, several sapient creatures contained by the Foundation have displayed knowledge of its existence and have expressed interest in a meeting with SCP-2337. The reason for this has yet to be fully understood, though it is believed that SCP-2337 has some sort of status as an authority figure to several particularly dangerous beings. Ketter reclassification has been proposed for this reason, but is currently denied due to SCP-2337's apparent cooperation with the Foundation. SCP-2337 Please state your name for the record. Kaak! I'm Christian Air Doctor Spankoflex. I'm colloquially namesplapped with SCP-233 and Stephen. I'm complicate across the state. Thank you. And how? Listen, SCP-2337. It me! Kaak! You seem to have a pre-established relationship of sorts with several of the more dangerous creatures in our custody. And how? Yes. Please elaborate on the exact nature of this relationship. You don't be so forth! Abel saw some tricky mayonnaise for soothe that Ruth. Come packin' with star-brand hostility cakes for mouth stuff. Slaverykins grew bonded and bearded from Chesapeake Bay to unknown cadath, my good flibbit. The three-ringed hobo-stack over and over Alakazam Kaak! Please repeat that statement in the dialect used by the Foundation. And for ex-lax! Yodel-lay, yodel-lay, yodel-lay! SCP-2337 begins yodeling for three consecutive minutes. Excessive yodeling redacted. Please discontinue yodeling. And Kaak, no sense. We need you to cooperate and explain your answer in a coherent way. Microcondry the molasses! And what the Spangelfrezer said, full-shame this! Escalate the right query-cube molasses! You're not hearing me, are you? Only with the Nebraska Kaak Flip Amigo Salad! Kaak! Kaak? What how eastward bound? Profound disappointment. Snack-utations, Dr. Spanko. Kaak, U.M. Authoritator. Explainerate. SCP-2337 begins kacking angrily, then proceeds to climb up to Dr. Space and attempts to peck his eyes out. SCP-2337 is quickly sedated with a tranquilizer dart and Dr. suffers only minor scratches. This has been noted the only time that SCP-2337 has displayed hostility.