 Your coca-cola bottler presents Claudia based on the famous play and novels by rose franken Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself. Have a coke And now Claudia mama. We're not moving this taxi is even moving Planing about it isn't going to help sit back and relax Mama David is waiting on the corner of Madison Avenue and 49th street. We're to meet him at five o'clock five o'clock now Here we are stuck at 39 to sit down 10 blocks. We'll never get there. We'll get there just sit back Oh, this is driving me crazy We took a taxi so we wouldn't be late and look what happens We haven't moved for the last five minutes. This is a very rush hour Well, if everybody else is rushing why aren't we going faster? Claudia's tipped back What good is sitting back? Oh, David will disown me if there's anything he hates is being kept waiting. That's not david. That's men Well, then man is always accusing me of not getting places on time Just this once when i lot us plenty of time. Look what happened. We'll explain it to david. He won't eat you That'll be even worse Driver Please what's the matter here? What's the matter miss? Yes Well, I'm dead. That's what's the matter traffic is all jammed up with the intersection The car's going east ain't turning off the avenue. You know what I mean? And the car's going south can't get across the street. The car's going north are just plain stuck like us Why don't you get off the job and you get on the Madison? Miss if I could budge I'd get off this street completely driving during rush hours ain't no pass time for a married man What's that got to do with it? Well, look what driving a hack does to a guy's disposition The cops won't let you turn right and they got signs that won't let you turn left the lights don't let you move They should all drop dead Well, I certainly wish I were dead They should take all the buses off the street and all the trucks off the street and all the pedestrians off the street And no cars allowed on the street. Or is that a trifle radical? Maybe well, not a lot. I could tell you that Oh, sure. I remember when new york used to be a a regular joy a joy and a pleasure Now driving a hack is like trying to swim in molasses And we'll listen to them guys behind me sitting on their horns Amateurs they take a little noise gets you moving Eh and put up their teeth with the stuff The day used to be when I got excited, you know that Heck no, I just said to myself just sit behind a wheel and do what you can me I Philosophize Oh, I will be moving in a minute lady That meter goes right on ticking Oops, there goes another nickel Say mommy. He's not charging his cab there. He's charging his rent Oh, david waiting on the corner just philosophize like the driver. I can I can at least it isn't raining No, don't say anything. We have crawled a half a block. Mama. Shh Oh, we stopped again What is it now driver? Who knows? Think I'll write a letter to the mayor the mayor knows but what could he do? So he sends out 20 more cops to clean things up, you know what I mean? So what happens they clutter up the streets They they should throw all the cops off the streets and all the traffic signs in the lights and let us Fight it out for ourselves You know, you might do best if you got out and walk if I wanted to walk I could have walked in the first place. We might at that party We certainly get there faster than this way. I'm honestly the city sidewalks They come right up and hit my feet when I walk under my feet are exhausted I simply cannot walk on one more sidewalk. That's why I told you to walk where low heels coming in the town Not the heels. It's the sidewalks. I'm used to walking on grass. I'm just a country girl at foot You have sidewalks in eastbrook. You should have walked low heels Go out to dinner with david and low heels for kind of a woman you think I am impractical Well, I'll admit it's a poor choice between beauty and comfort These are the shoes david gave me for my birthday and these are the shoes I shall wear You look small I will not go through that again mama. They are not small. They may look small, but they don't feel small You just said your feet hurt. Those were the sidewalks. I didn't know they hurt too Very funny. Don't tell me you don't have sidewalks in eastbrook. I know I was there Remember me for over six months. I'm just sorry. You're not there now I am not we wouldn't have all this traffic in eastbrook In eastbrook when you want to get where you're going you can get there Sounds very dull. It may be all right for you old folk, but I like a little excitement Driver, driver, your meter keeps on ticking and we're not moving It's the law lady. I should have known better than to take a fare of five o'clock on fifth avenue. It serves me right At five o'clock I should be driving around in Queens or Flatbush, New York. Never again Well, there we go. Hold tight. We might call as much as 10 yards perished for bib Oh mama, I can just see David looking at his watch pacing up and down muttering to himself that woman That David probably knows exactly what has happened Well, I guess I might as well just sit back and try to relax. I guess I might as well Driver, what on earth ever made you become a taxi driver? How can you stand this? Who can stand this? I can't but what could I do? I used to be in a pinball machine business, but yeah, but you know pinballs don't exist anymore in New York They're against the law the law says So I'm a man without a career Now I'm driving a hack and driving myself nuts. I love driving a car, but not this thank you You know, New York has choking itself to death like an octopus just choking itself to death If I was smart, I'd pack my bags and I would say might all I was saying let's go and we will go out and live on a prairie I think you'd do exactly that. We did. Yeah Go out and live on a prairie where the space is space. You know what I mean? Jovell me though is I I love this town lived in it for a long time I love it like a mother-in-law one day. I want to murder it in the next day. I just couldn't do without it Well, we're moving again with the lights red so the lights red. We're moving any objections. No red green or blue. Let's go Oh, he's better not doesn't mama. You'll be there in a moment. Oh, I almost wish we wouldn't Oh, I almost wish we'd be so late david to be worried instead of just an air One should never make an appointment to meet somebody on a corner only we could telephone or send him a telegram or something Mama, maybe he'll think we're run over. You can't cross the street with all this traffic So how can you get run over? Maybe it'll realize that money how I hate new york I don't know how you could leave us mama the farm the baby the new cap two dogs How could you leave us for this? That's exactly it the baby and the two dogs the cat the rooster He'd Cow and her calf it was getting too crowded on the farm for me. Oh rubbish. You loved it. You know it When you want to come back, we won't have you. I won't want to come back. So I'm safe We've gone four blocks lady. You know, that's a record. We'll see if you can go just two more. We'll be there Oh, I don't just think it's another five minutes later. Just concentrate. Oh sure I'll concentrate. No all the traffic will melt right before my eyes Sure, only I don't believe in that kind of dribble Traffic is traffic and you can't cut through it with no night. The light is changing quickly. Hurry. I just sit back lady Just sit back. You know if I stop sudden you go fly right through the winter. You know what I mean? I don't know those muscles. Just sit back and relax You heard the nice man Claudia. I'm I can see the corner of 40 nights in Madison. Can you see David wait till I put my glasses on? No, I can't see him You don't suppose he's gone yet. Do you why should he do a thing like that? Well, he told me not to be late Oh, he'd wait for 10 minutes for us. Oh, I'm not so sure. Okay. Later. We're moving. You better get your change ready I know pennies. Look at the meter almost a dollar. It's only 60 cents Well, that's almost a dollar once a dollar isn't a dollar bill anymore. It certainly isn't worth it Okay Put your money away. I've got it already. You have to tip him I am not satisfied with the service. You're joking really. I hope all right. All right. All right. I give him a quarter A quarter? Yeah. A dime's usual for six blocks. Give him 15 cents. You're joking. Really? I hope. Okay, lady Here we are pile out By you and a little hack Get the shit out of this little lady to try to get out of my hack Here you are driver and it's the correct change. I like that guy. Thank you Come on mama doc you hit your head. Hey, watch your step ladies. Now. You don't leave no bundles in the back You know those ladies. They're always leaving things behind. No, we have everything. You got your both clubs Thank you for the lovely lovely trip Oh, thank nothing other than my lady. I hope I picked you up again sometime someday when you're trying to get someplace fast You know what I mean Oh, mrs. Brown You see david any place not on this corner. He's not across the street. He is not here Mama, I don't see him. That's impossible. You must be here lots of men waiting for lots of people But nobody in a gray hat david was wearing a gray hat. Thank you for telling me now. I'd recognize him Mommy, you don't suppose he's say it. You don't suppose he's been here and left. Where would he go? To look for us. Where where we've been he can't look for us shopping. Oh, this is awful. I bet he got so furious. He just Maybe he went to your apartment david wouldn't do that. You have to catch a train. He's not here and he's always on time and it's It's quarter after five. Oh, I hate new york. I hate it. What will we do now? Well, no point in waiting here. Let's go back to your apartment. At least david will have the sense to call us there Well, if you think so, wouldn't you know this would happen? Mama, if you had the sense to stay in eastbrook, this is where you belong. None of this would have happened Now you're blaming me certainly Well, obviously the only good excuse I have for staying in new york was you. I'm flattered You should be miserable. Oh david. Where are you? Will you ever forgive me? Speak of the devil there he is gray hat and all across the street see him Yep, I see him Honey, it's wild. You said he hates waiting so no wonder. It's over 15 minutes. Here he comes. Steal yourself I'm steel. Remember it was you who wanted to take a taxi. My own mother a collared Hello, mother. Hello darling. Hello david Terrible traffic grabbed the cab to get here faster, but the cab couldn't move. What was that david? I hated to keep you waiting, but it couldn't be helped How are you? Have a good day? Oh, oh, oh, yes fine This fine Considering that we have been waiting here 20 minutes for you. It was 20 minutes. Wasn't it mama? Yes just about we were early For once. Well good for you I certainly ran into awful traffic. This city gets worse every single day. I've never seen a thing like it What traffic mama david you had traffic? Well, that's strange the traffic didn't bother us Not a bit It's just a matter of whether a person wants to get someplace or whether they don't Isn't that what you always say david 20 minutes you say you waited at least we've been worrying to we certainly have Well next time we'll know better mama experience is the best teacher. Yes next time. We won't break our necks Well, you won't have to I'll break them for you That's a very nice thing to say to a wife whom you've kept waiting hours and hours and hours Now if you two girls have had your fun allow me to say that you're no artist. No, what? No artists You put it on too thick. What too thick claudia hasn't been early in her life in Years and she knows it. There is always a first time my good man. I'm not with you Now look me in the eye hopeless claudia. He knows you too. Well, well, I I'd have been early if if Only you work now come on here come on In shops at service stations at the movies at sports events You look for the red cooler whenever you want ice cold coca-cola At home you need go only as far as the kitchen refrigerator There stands a white cooler your own refrigerator Which can supply you with sparkling coke whenever you want to work refreshed If you've remembered to put a supply on ice Why not add coke to your marketing list today? Tell me mr. King. Did the children make that train? They're still walking a bit of hurry if claudia's high heels hold on Don't look so concerned mrs. Brown. They make the train. Oh good. I know how I hate rushing and then having to wait around Well, tell me in confidence. Do you miss eastbrook? I certainly do Very much the countryside the house the animals my grandson even claudia a little don't tell her Why even miss that funny old jared tucker in that case you'll want to be around tomorrow when jared gets his picture in the eastbrook paper I'd love to hear about that and it's a date for tomorrow. Good till then, mr. King. So long mrs. B Every day monday through friday claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is joe king saying olivar And remember whoever you are whatever you do wherever you may be When you think of refreshment Think of coca-cola or coca-cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes And ice cold coca-cola is everywhere This broadcast of claudia was supervised and directed by william brown maloney And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola