 So it's official from the golden bachelor, Gary and Teresa are getting divorced and the announcement of their divorce is no surprise to me anyway because romance based dating creates a false sense of love. I highly doubt that they had more than two conversation about their lifestyle differences during the filming. And I'm sure they believe that that if we love each other will magically work out. This is fantasy thinking and this is especially true for midlife proud that is actively dating. Lifestyle compatibility is an essential part of relationship success and given the two of them, given that the two of them dated in a bubble, they didn't spend enough time dating from their home bases. Many people believe if they love each other they will make it work out as if in their golden years living apart and flying back and forth is somehow going to work. As we age we become rather set in our ways and since they both have full they both had fully curated lives in separate states. It's no wonder it was a challenge. This will be a big challenge for the franchise as well. And if they want, they may want to consider picking people that live in the actual area for those that are going to be contestants, especially with the golden bachelorette coming up pretty soon. Unlike their younger counterparts who don't have fully set lives and rather most most of them are rather like a blank sheet of paper. The midlife crowd has more factors to consider. And I just want to remind everyone love is not enough and ABC may may want to consider that factor in setting versus setting up the audience for some disappointment. Who here agrees with what I just shared. I was just reading from my blog that I posted earlier. So the announcement is Gary and is it Gary or Jerry God I mean that name really bug the heck out of me, because I want to say Jerry. And I guess it's named Gary but many people predicted that this was going to happen. I'm not surprised that many people felt this way. And, you know, given that they lived in two different states, I wonder if they really spent enough time in each other's homes to really get a sense of whether or not this relationship was going to work. Now we have to recognize that in the bachelor franchise, or at least the golden bachelor franchise, these two bonded because they were both in widowhood. Is it widowhood, widowhood, I mean they were both, one is a widow or one is a widow, right. And so I had this significant thing in common. And in addition, they had this whirlwind romance, this whirlwind romance. I mean, they get to go out on yachts and helicopters and exotic places. Did they really spend time vetting each other. I highly doubt it. Now I'm going to suspect they went in with the best intentions. I truly believe that they did go in with the best intentions. I feel that. And yet in this particular siloed environment, it's no wonder it turned into a divorce. And I think what happened was in my perception is on this. My perception is that I think they got caught up in the hoopla. Okay. And they had a fear of speaking up if they had doubts because they knew they would be hurting or disappointing their fans, their family, their friends. And they just got caught up in the fantasy bubble. Plus think about it. They got this free gigantic wedding. They got this most likely a free honeymoon out of ABC. She got this elaborate dress, you know. Certainly they probably got caught up in the whole celebrity ism. You know that what Andy Warhol said, you know, their 15 minutes of fame got stretched out for a long period of time. Now the one thing that they did do was they had a prenup. And in Teresa's case, that was a very smart move because we later learned that Gary probably didn't have much. And she had a significant amount. So I'm great. I'm grateful for her that she probably insisted upon that. Although their marriage only lasted what three and a half months, barely a hundred days cumulatively. So I don't know what assets he would have been entitled to from this dynamic. Now their reasoning for ending the relationship is they couldn't make it work because they had fully curated lives in where they both lived. And they wanted to spend time with their family and their friends on a significant basis. And as I said earlier, going back and forth wasn't going to work out. And yet so many people have said to me, well, if we just love each other, it's just going to magically work out. I'm here to say love is not enough for a successful relationship. Love is the glue. Love is what gets you up in the morning and makes you want it to compromise in certain areas of your life. But the end of the day, and this is something I tout as a midlife dating coach, is the importance to recognize that lifestyle compatibility is an essential piece for relationship success. And in this particular case, I don't think they really fully explored it because they were caught up in the fantasy bubble, particularly the curated fantasy bubble that was initiated by American Broadcasting Corporation for ratings. Now, if everyone saw the announcement and they lovingly held hands as they shared their departure with one another and they love each other and they still hold hope for attracting a mate, it's going to be rather interesting to see what happens. Because do you know what's interesting of the other 15 women who were on the show? I thought they would have lots of marriage proposals at this point. And I actually connected directly with one of the golden bachelorettes from the show. We've been communicating with each other through social media. And most of them, most of the women haven't met anyone. I mean, I'm a little bit surprised, but most of the women haven't met anyone. Now, Gary, on the other hand, I'm sure that there are going to be women now clamoring for him. And I'm not trying to suggest a mis, you know, like kind of a misogynistic or patriarchal perspective here. I'm just curious because I think there were a lot more women that are going to be interested in him. So I don't think his chances are going to be slim. But I think the real challenge is that men who don't know the other women don't know how to connect with them. And I think that's one of the challenges that's going to happen with Teresa in this particular case. But we'll see what happens. I mean, certainly she built a bit of popularity. She has social media popularity. But the question is, how is she going to be physically seen by single eligible men? I don't think she'll be going on the dating apps. And I don't think she might hire a matchmaker. That might be something that she does who knows what will see what happens. But what is the lesson we can learn from all this? That's really what I want to dive into today because I do believe that having deep discussions about lifestyle compatibility is hugely important. And discussing this early on before the challenges when you're caught up, by the way, they were caught up in a unique fantasy bubble that was fully curated by a television show. But I'll tell you, most of us, we get caught in the fantasy bubble because the minute we have a connection with another human being, we start to release dopamine from our brain. We start to release oxytocin. We start to release testosterone and estrogen and serotonin. And this bonds us to another human being. So the minute we become bonded with someone, we oftentimes can take, I've jokingly said we take red flags and paint them green. But what that means is we can overlook a lot of misalignment when we're caught up in the chemical bubble of chemistry. This is why I'm such a big proponent of having deeper conversations. Yet even in the deeper conversations, two people can give it a try and still not work out. I give them a lot of credit. They tried and it didn't work out. But unlike our current dating environment, if you've watched my channel before, I say our current dating environment is just a long drawn out version of friends with benefits because people can drag out the dating process for years and not establish any deep roots of trust with one another. I'm a big proponent of, okay, so really quickly, I said earlier when I was reading from my blog, I said that, you know, maybe the new golden bachelorette might consider people that live in their own geographic, geographic area, just like the TV show Love is Blind. Believe it or not, I'm a proponent of jumping in quickly. Now, what I mean to say jumping in quickly is that you have serious conversations about values and lifestyle and emotional maturity and you spend a significant amount of time together in a short period of time, just like the TV show Love is Blind. I actually believe that it would be better to have a two month relationship fail than what many people are experiencing is multi years in casual relationships that don't go anywhere. And then those end. I'm a big proponent of, when I say jump in, I mean do it intentionally. You know, it's interesting. I always thought about Pete Davidson and I think it was Ariana Grande who got engaged after three weeks. Okay. And a lot of people judge them. I actually didn't because the engagement was to signify that we are exploring all in. See, I have a great deal of respect for people who explore all in. Now, it didn't work out, but did it really matter that they got engaged or not in the context of at least there was some intentionality. Now, I know a lot of people will disagree with me. I'm actually a big proponent of people spending a significant amount of time. If they just look at if two people decide to be physically intimate with each other, then I'm saying what the heck go all in. I mean, and I don't mean, you know, go all in and merge assets or something like that. But you might as well go all in and say, Hey, look, let's agree to fully explore this relationship, all the nooks and crannies and if it doesn't work out, that's okay too. And I know this from personal experience because I'm a big proponent. I'm practice. I practice what I preach and that I want all in, but at least going all in and making effort and if it doesn't work out, that's okay because you gave it your all. But this long drawn out version of friends with benefits and situationships and casual relationships and uncertainty is kind of the direction. It's no wonder the dating marketplace is filled with such emotional chaos. And so coming back to the show, I think, Hey, if nothing else, they had a big, I'm sure the TV show started a year before that like roughly about one year before this announcement. So they had one year, they gave it a shot and it didn't work out. That's okay. That's okay that it didn't work out. A lot of people are judging them and criticizing. I'm on the bandwagon is look. Hey, listen, try anything and everything. Certainly the 16 women that made this effort, one of them certainly turned out to be at least got a brief relationship out of that. It'll be interesting to see what happens with the Golden Bachelorette. I think the Golden Bachelorette is going to be radically different. The setup will be the same, but it'll be interesting to see the men and if these men are like as almost act as desperate as the women did. I'm sorry, the women seem so desperate, but that's true of the show. I just don't think more older mature men are going to operate as desperate. Except for the ones that seek it as a competition, except for those that actually like the social media celebrityism that comes out of these shows. You know, certainly they're the older someone is the more skeletons they have in their closet. Gary had a fair amount of kind of pseudo skeletons out of his closet that came out. Yeah, it's interesting. I've been asked to I've been suggested and volunteered to do the Golden Bachelorette. I refuse to put myself in that kind of environment. I have much more fun observing from the couch, but I'm not going to put myself in a competition with somebody if a woman if I like to date one person at a time, if someone doesn't see my value early on, that's okay. I'm okay with that. That's understandable. Not every we're not a cup of tea for every everybody out there, but I won't play this game of going into competition with someone to convince them to actually like me. And that's the sad part of the show because at the end, several women were practically trying to convince them to choose him. And no wonder it's a broken system that particular system doesn't yield very much. Well, I shouldn't say very much relationship success. There's been a few successful marriages out out of that whole younger bachelor and bachelorette franchise, but it'll be interesting to see how the older franchise bears, especially after this new news. So what's the word of wisdom we want to pass on to the new TV show The Golden Bachelorette? I think we want to say be very mindful of Jonathan's relationship iceberg for those who follow my content. Oops, that's the wrong one. Relationship iceberg. That while chemistry is something we see early on, what's most important is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And the only way to determine those factors is to spend a significant amount of time together in a variety of different circumstances. In other words, with your family and friends, not these one hour dates or two hour dates or spending time with their family, doing a multitude of different circumstances so you can actually see if there's a genuine compatibility with one another. And that's why it's called dating. You know, dating is to determine all this and they really didn't date. They just they lived in a bubble and they got the benefit of it for a short period of time. And now they have to come back to their reality. Hey, is this sinking in with you if it's resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below. As always, if you find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. And certainly if you want to connect with me directly, they're right below or links to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to follow me on Instagram to get all of my content. It's listed below. All right, those who know my format know this is a live Q&A session. So if you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter, or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's a picture of him with his brother Colin. He's my son who passed away over five years ago in his honor. We donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute. We give scholarships to coaching as well. All right, let's see what we've got here. Terry said, I enjoyed the Golden Bachelor appear. Teresa would have gone anywhere with him, but I guess she didn't. Yeah, I think they were caught up in the fantasy bubble. And then when you're faced with reality, you know, can we really make this work? You have to be in each other's environments. Well, first off, you don't have to do anything, but I highly recommend spending a significant amount of time in each other's environments to see if you actually like it. Gigi says the franchise needs to remake itself instead of getting engaged as an endpoint. The endpoint needs to be finding a person and grow it. I agree very much like love is blind. I think at least they spend a bit of time together living together. Again, love is blind has a weak success, right? See, I actually like the love is blind format because hey, look, you dive in, you see if you can make it work, you know, versus again, I just see so many women caught up in casual relationships that don't go anywhere for years because they're with that type of man. I call a spender versus a spender is someone who will spend time with you. They put you in a placeholder position and it's just someone to kill time with. Unfortunately, I see that happen all too frequently. Debbie says it's sinking in and resonating. I'm so happy to hear that. Thank you for being on. Hey, KK says maybe we can have a senior love is blind. Okay, that's that would be interesting. Wanda's in the house. How could they think it would work when he said I love you to another woman as well as her really? Yeah, I mean, I think you're just caught up in the whole fantasy bubble. I mean, look at, I mean, he had 15, 16 women. I want you, I want you. I mean, if I had 16 women all at once wanting me, I don't even know how I could handle that. And certainly I could get caught up in the hoop line of myself. That's certainly possible as well. So yes, I agree. Terry says when you're older, you are set with where you are location family kids. You need to be on the same page location before getting hitched. Certainly when someone is already made the determination that they don't like where they live and they want to consider moving and want to try something new, I think that's a little bit different. I know that from personal experience. But at the end of the day, having an established life somewhere is critically important. And when someone doesn't have an established life where the other person lives, it makes it very challenging. This is why I poo poo long distance relationships on a frequent basis for many of you. Okay. Denise says he would, Gary was a spender. Yeah, it's quite pop. No, I feel like he's a grower builder. It's just he need to grow and build with someone in his own backyard. All right, let's keep going. Sandy says I'm not surprised by this outcome. I agree. Let's see what else. If you have to convince someone to like you you're likely being you're not you aren't being yourself it would be hard to make it work. Once they got to know the real you. If you're talking about me I'd hope that's the case. Jonathan has more integrity than that he tried it with Marie for nine months and didn't work out but they broke up and remain friends. You know, certainly I can relate to this circumstance because Marie didn't like living here at the end of the day. Now something that happened and I want to clarify since my personal life just got brought up. Number one, Marie, or she reached out to me. Okay. And I said, look, I'm not interested in exploring long distance dating. She said I've been strongly considering moving to Los Angeles. So number one, that was part of the decision making process. Number two, we agreed that if this was going to work we'd have to be in the same city. So she had originally considered moving nearby to, you know, to see if it would work. And then eventually she saw the price of homes compared to Chicago price of living then we just agreed to move in with each other. We gave it a shot. We went in with our eyes open. And I think also, you know, we were, we, we recognize that we were in two different places in our lives, but it took that period of time. I don't think spending one year together is, I mean, and for it to not work out. I believe that's really giving it a try. I just see so many women in your relationships for three, four, five, six, seven years. They marginally see the person and they're stuck in relationships that don't go anywhere. We jumped in, we gave it a shot and it didn't work out. And I'm grateful for the entire experience. So thank you for bringing that up. I appreciate it. Let's see. Let's see. Terry says, I believe men. I have men that believe 50 and 60 minutes away is long distance. Actually, it is. I mean, I'm not, I'm being honest. It is long distance. And if you can't listen, here's the challenge. You have an emergency. By the way, in Los Angeles, 40, you know, that can be hours, by the way. But there's an emergency and you need to be there for your partner. It is a lot proximity breeds, proximity breeds continuity. Continuity breeds leads to commitment. Proximity breeds continuity. Continuity leads to commitment. But yeah, I mean, by the way, I think 45 to 60 minutes. Now, is it doable? Absolutely, Terry. But I still think that's long distance. But then again, a plane ride is long distance, you know, several hour car ride is long distance. Jennifer says, I feel like many of these, those long term dead end relationships are because women operate from a scarcity mindset. That is true. I think women operate. Well, if we just love each other enough magic fairy does will make everything change if I just sit there and deny. And I just didn't live in fear somehow something will magically change. I know you guys don't like when I do my jokingly female voice wait till I've got a little surprise for you on that coming up soon. Let's keep going here. Okay, K life coach. Besides online, where do you think is a good place to meet men I prefer not to go to bars and now I'm waiting another 10 years to meet them at retirement homes any ideas. I think you have to do what you love. I think you have to do what you love and then preferably, if, if, if men don't go to the places that you love, then just go to the places where men are. Dancing is probably one of the best places church is one of the best places. You know, I would go where there's a congregation of men. Okay, so I hope that helps but there's no really magic bullet on that one. Mary says, Jonathan, it's not my place to give my opinion and personal life I thank you, though for being brave enough to open regarding such bless you. You know, folks, I share from my thank you by the way, Mari, I share from my personal experience because much of what I teach is the things I learn along the way. And I, I recognize I'm in the same boat as many of you. My life dating is rather challenging. And yet I hold the space of optimism. I, okay, let me just say this. The odds are against all of us. It just really is. Okay, the odds are against us. What I do in my coaching is put the odds in your favor, because I believe everybody has the capacity to attract a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship. I hold space that every single one of you, if you do the work, the work is learn better communication skills. If you haven't read the book, nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg, by the way, there's a link to get a copy of all the books I recommend. Read this book. I recommend doing the inner work, like the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and adult traumas. In addition to do the spiritual work, read the book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. This is an amazing book to help you learn how to talk to the voices in your head. And finally, get my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. There's a link below to get all the books I recommend. All right. So with that said, I believe that you have the power. Oh, I have the power, He-Man. Does anyone know? Would you ladies have ever watched an animated show called He-Man? By the way, it came out while I was an adult that I still watch it. I still love comic book stuff. Like one of the things he would say, he would raise his sword up to the sky and say, I have the power. I want to impart upon you that all of you have the power to become a magnetic attractor for what you want, even in a sea of absolute dysfunctionality. It's absolutely possible for each and every one of you. Ah, all right. Let's keep going here. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Marty says, I have worked at Home Depot for the last nine years and I'm still very single surrounded by handymen. I'm sorry that you don't get hit on there. Probably there's a respect and boundary there for many of the men. Question, do you think if they really loved each other, they would have compromised on a place to live? You know, I don't know if they fully... I think they had a relationship built on a fantasy, a bubble. And I don't think they ever fell deeply in love with each other because they didn't do enough experiences to build the deep roots of trust. I think they care for one another. By the way, the word love and care oftentimes get misused. I think they genuinely care for each other very much. But I don't believe that they're in love with each other because they just didn't... They experienced their whole relationship in a bubble. And when it comes push to shove, they had to face the reality of where they live and they didn't get a chance to build enough experiences in their home base before they got married. That's my opinion anyway. Jonathan, how long do you recommend dating before living together? Love you and your message. You know, this is a really tricky question because... So I have a theory, okay? I'm not going to answer it exactly, but this is my recommendation. Ladies, many of you know my terminology. Before the penis goes inside the vagina, do your due diligence in vetting, okay? That's what I teach in my private coaching. There's a link right there to learn about it. Radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect through vulnerability, authenticity and transparency. Okay, with that said, I believe the minute two people are physically intimate with each other, they should respectively spend two weeks at each other's home, respectively. So two weeks, the man goes to her home and spends... He has to figure out his work environment from that perspective. She has to do it in his perspective. At nothing else, you do a little test run, a little playing house together. But Jonathan, our lifestyles don't mesh to where we can do that. You see where the fucking problem is, folks? If your lifestyles don't even mesh where you can't spend two weeks in each other's respective homes, how are you going to make it work at some point in the future? Now, I maybe do a month in each other's homes. If your guys are having regular sex to get... Listen. If you want a casual relationship, that's okay. If you want a situation which means a relationship that's not defined, you're just having sex on a regular basis, that's okay too. If you want to be friends with benefits, that's okay. And if you want to hook up with someone, that's okay too. You can get to do whatever you want. If you want a fully seasoned relationship and partnership, maybe jumping in and exploring it with consciousness in a co-creative fashion might yield better results. That's all I'm saying. So how long with each person it's going to be different? It's going to depend on a lot of different circumstances. But I think you should test drive spending a significant amount of time in each other's homes just to see if you're compatible with one another. And most of those relationships will fizzle out. But wouldn't you rather know in 90 days that it's not going to work versus spending nine years with the wrong person, which a lot of people do? Me says, meet others at church, Jim, while taking classes, joining clubs, don't look, you do. All right. Hey, Adika's in the house. How do you deal with women trying to DM you on social media? I have so many of those men trying to get me that way, wondering why I just asked that in our Facebook group. I have a social friend who met his partner through Facebook. That's Ray Matt. I don't know who DMed who first, but he met her. And by the way, they make a great couple. They make a great couple. I had him on my show, Dr. Ray. His name is Dr. Ray Doctor. That's his name, Ray Doctor, but he's a doctor. And he met his partner through Facebook. So I think we make a quick judgment about a person based on their looks, no different than dating apps. But how do you address it? If someone reaches out to you and you're not interested, you say thank you, no thank you. Folks, I get dozens of messages all the time from women interested in wanting to connect with me. I certainly, because of a professional capacity, I do my best to reach out with kindness to everybody. I do my best even in my dating app experiences to do that, but sometimes it's overwhelming. A lot of it is going to be based on whether or not I feel connection with the profile they created. I will tell you a lot of people create terrible profiles, so it's rather disappointing to me. But how do you handle it? I mean, if it's overwhelming, then you may have to put some restrictions on your profile or just not respond back. But sometimes, again, the broken clock is right twice a day. You'd be surprised that a lot of people are meeting through social media. You'd be surprised how they actually turn into pretty good relationships. I'm not saying always, I'm just saying it does happen. By the way, does anyone want to join me live and have a discussion talking about the Golden Bachelor? I'll put a link right here to join me live right now. Patty Misfits says, I love the energy today. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Let's see. Oh, Sue Ann is in the house. The statistics show that the divorce rate for people to live together to be higher. It doesn't make sense to me. Your thoughts. Love this question. Okay. So roughly about 50% of first marriages end in divorce. Roughly 65 to 75% of second and third marriages end divorce. Okay. Now, the reason why couples who live together have a higher percent search of divorce, in my opinion, is that they jumped into the marriage when they shouldn't have. In other words, they probably recognize that they weren't good partners, but what happened is just like in the Golden Bachelor, I think they had a fear of speaking up. They got married, realized that they weren't right for each other, just like the Golden Bachelor. I think that is why. I think living together is a good test drive. I don't care what Jordan Peterson says or other people say that that's a recipe for disaster. I don't believe that. One bit. By the way, do you know in ancient times, folks, let me read something to you. Let me read something to you. Marriage in ancient times. Okay. What was considered marriage in ancient times for two people to be considered married? All they had to do was move in with each other. There was no legal or religious ceremony to formalize the union. In fact, ancient Egyptians did not even have a word for such a ceremony. You guys realize that? Like in ancient times, when two people lived together, that was marriage. Anyway, that's just my two cents on that. So thank you. Jennifer says, if you're going into living together thinking you can leave, then you're likely to treat marriage the same way subconsciously. I don't know if that's the... Okay, I think nowadays divorce is so mainstream that I do believe that we would hope that people try to make it work when they're married. We would hope that. But I just think human beings are rather dysfunctional. And by the way, women, ladies, let me just say something. You're always pointing the finger at men. You women are no fucking picnic either. Men are jackasses. You guys are a pain in the ass, okay? Most humans haven't done the work to learn good communication skills to heal their childhood wounds and traumas and learn the spiritual necessity that I believe spiritual is not religious. But when you learn to really embody your own divinity, you have a greater chance for relationships. Success. Linda says, write on Jonathan, thank you. Look at Mary and Joseph in the Bible. Tell me what it says about Mary and Joseph. I've never read it. Love keeps you together whether you have a paper or not. No, it doesn't. By the way, that's a fantasy thinking, Wanda. That's fantasy thinking. Compatibility is what keeps two people together. Emotional maturity, what keeps two people together. A commitment to one another is what keeps people together. Love is just the icing on the cake. It's the juice. But it's not what keeps you together. Compatibility, emotional maturity and commitment to one another. Annika is back in the house. What deeper questions can I ask to determine lifestyle compatibility? I'm usually attracted to entrepreneurs. But a lot of time, even though they say they have flexible lives, they usually don't. You might want to start by telling me about your day. How does Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Monday, Tuesday. Look at their calendar for six months. Then you can see what their lifestyle is like. Ask for their calendar. Barbara says, I love the idea of living separately but staying over at each other's place for a few days a week. And definitely in middle age, we are used to being independent and loving our space, create the lifestyle. You know, folks, so now that I'm back by myself again, I kind of like my own company. I'm like, do I really want to live with someone? I mean, I'm asking myself that question. There is a book. Baby Teresa and Jerry, Gary, Jerry, whatever the fuck his name is, should have read this book. It's called Living Together Apart. It's a very small book. But I've been speaking to a lot of couples that would prefer to actually have separate residencies and their relationship, but they're fully committed into their relationship. These are usually couples that live relatively close to one another. But I would definitely agree that I think some level of autonomy is rather important for the health of your own sanity for the most part. So anyway, that's just my thoughts on that. Jacqueline Marie says, I could be wrong, but I think it's because most couples who choose to wait to get married tend to have stronger, similar religious beliefs. No, I mean, yes, that's the case in some cases, but not all. Let's keep going. Devon says, because entrepreneurs can work wherever because they don't get paid by not working and probably should not, should work extra. It's because it's not a corporation with benefits so cross them off your list. Well, I'm an entrepreneur. I don't hope I don't get crossed off the list because of that thinking. Desperate. Catherine says desperate can be a sign of needy. Absolutely. So what's wrong with needy? By the way, what's so wrong with desperate and needy? Why are needy? Why does that have to be a negative? It just simply means they want it more. Okay, listen, I know what I'm about to say is going to be argued, but I'd rather take a desperate person than needy than avoid in person. I'd rather, because I feel like you can heal that a lot easier than the other way around. That's just my opinion anyway. But yeah, desperate can be a sign of needy. Jennifer says, my partner sees living together as a kind of marriage, but we do sleepovers to gain that cohabitation understanding. Well, I mean, again, back in ancient times, that was. Ginny says, the therapist on married at first sight is married and they live in each other, wait, live in each other of their homes. Actually, one of the guys on married at first sight, actually his name is Reverend or Calvin Peterson. He's a pastor. Get his book, Marriage Ain't for Punks. A really great book. I really love this book. It really talks about healthy way to approach cohabitation, if you will, or marriage. Micah, it's truly an advantage solely because you have more energy and always a refreshing spirit offering your best genuine nature when you choose to live separately, in my opinion. Again, how long are you going to choose to live separately? 10 years, 20 years, 30 years? I mean, you may not live to be that old. How long are you going to do it? And by the way, there's an easy exit clause when you don't live together. It's harder to break up when you live together. These are just some of the things you may want to consider. Okay, I was with someone for eight years before he passed away and we had his and her houses. We had clothing and supplies at homes and we lived one mile apart. It just depends on who was making dinner. Well, I'm sorry that he passed away, but it sounds like you made it work. All right, let's keep going. I want to join the hot seat. Diane says, I read, this is regarding the Golden Bachelor, I read a comment that there was pressure for them to marry. These shows aren't dating, LOL. They are similar to online dating. Like most relationships, they don't go the distance. Yeah, I wonder how much of that was pressured from the show. I think the whole format is contrived. So yeah, Barbara says, seriously, I hate saying I don't need you, but I want you. I want to be needed because I have so much to give. If I don't feel needed, I don't want to be wanted. I don't need you, but I want you. I want both. I want to be needed and wanted. That's just me speaking anyway. Let's keep going here. Glenda says, can we just be adults and not try to live our lives on national TV? It seems strange to me that adults of a certain maturity did not think this through better. You know, age has nothing to do with emotional maturity and quite frankly, the older human beings are, actually the more dysfunctional they are. So it's a fallacy that age makes someone more emotionally mature. We are swimming in a sea of emotional dysfunctionality, both men and women. So it has nothing to do with age. It has to do with awareness. And we've been indoctrinated into the fantasy chemistry equals relationship success. By the way, you ladies are notorious for this. Well, if we love each other, we'll just magically work out. I know you guys joke, you know, you guys get a kick out of my little, my high-pitched voice. I'm sorry, but I'm going to say men are pragmatic. We don't, men don't typically operate from the fantasy if we love each other, we magically work out. Men tend to be more pragmatic. I'm not saying all men and I'm not saying all women are, you know, fantasy driven. It's just a lot are. And so, and by the way, the whole bachelor series is probably more, I mean, yes, guys watch it, but it's probably 70% women who watch the show. Why? Because they, there's something about the Prince charming narrative that's still rather prevalent in our psyche today. Anyway, those are just my thoughts. Annika just asked, how is this going to affect the Golden Bachelorette? I think this could be problematic. I mean, I don't, well, you know what, they don't really give a shit. They're just going to, they're going to do it. They're going to do it exactly the same way. They're not even going to consider this. They'll hype it up. You know, by the way, Gary and Teresa will show up on the show going rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. Let us coach you. It's going to be all this bullshit. But no, it's not going to affect it because we human we here in the United States, we're just a bunch of fucking suckers. I mean, human beings in the United States are, by the way, do you know most countries laugh at us Americans? See how stupid we operate. It's rather fascinating. When you go to almost any other country, they think Americans are rather stupid. And it's kind of fascinating to witness it. And I tend to agree with them and look at me. I'm guilty of being sucked into the show as well. Now, what I do is I wait for the rerun the next day on watching on Hulu and I fast forward through a lot of shit. I don't have to watch commercials. Barbara says spot on age does not mean wisdom dumped a 59 year old who never grew up. I'm still waiting to grow up. Jennifer Lee, Jennifer Lee, Jennifer Lee, Jennifer Lee, never mind. I can't pronounce it. So should we be looking for compatibility and shared vision over romance in love? I would say it puts the odds better in your favor for success. Absolutely. Let's see. True Morris wants to remind us a sea of dysfunctionality. Trademark Jonathan Asley. Did you read both of them say they were looking for, I know, you know, it's interesting. They both said they are now looking for love. Gary's looking to get laid. I wonder if they had already some people on the side already just kind of throwing that out there. April said I hated the show golden bachelor man so dumb and women too desperate. Devon says I've been an entrepreneur and it can be something that I don't recommend. I've only wrote I don't recommend it for average person. You've got to be built to see it through. Jonathan, you've done the work that your person wouldn't fall to low priority. No, folks, I'm an entrepreneur, meaning I work for myself. I'm blessed to have abundance in my life. I'm blessed to have flexibility in my life. I, any woman who I'm going to choose to explore I'm blessed to have abundance in my life. So I was having a conversation. Remember last night I did the show. I did my, I did an interview and we were talking about the TV show or the movie, excuse me, the breakup with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. And in it, we were talking about Jennifer Aniston needs Vince Vaughn to clean, help clean the kitchen. Now what's interesting is I left to my own devices. And when I was in relationship with Marie, one of her requests was that we always have the kitchen clean before we go to bed. And I'm like, sure, absolutely. And what's interesting is now I make it a habit. I would say six days out of the week, I'm always cleaning the kitchen before I go to bed because I like waking up to clean kitchen. And sometimes one day a week, I probably might just go, I can deal with it in the morning kind of thing because I live by myself. My point in bringing this up is when you genuinely are in partnership with someone, you want to do the things that they appreciate, just like she was willing to do the things I appreciate. I did the things she would appreciate. And that's just being a good partner in a relationship. So yeah. So as an entrepreneur, I can do that. Question, can trust be built in distance relationship 45 miles? You see each other only on weekends? Yeah. I'm going to say it, I mean it can be built when two people are fully committed to it. Absolutely it can be built. It's just difficult. At some point you have to ask yourself, who's going to move? I would have that conversation if you're going to listen, I think in partnership turns, I have a long-term mating strategy. A short-term mating strategy is let's test drive it and see, well, no, a short-term mating strategy. Let's just live in the moment. It's all about living in the moment. Let's just live in the moment. That's a short-term mating strategy. A long-term mating strategy sees the road ahead and asks the questions, how are we going to make this work from a long-term strategy? But yeah, you can still build trust. Absolutely. Oh, we've got personal questions in the house. Now that you've had an all-in relationship, will you entertain anything other than that? I don't know. I'm going to tell you something. As the days in front of me are shorter than the days behind me, I don't know what I'll, I mean I want an all-in relationship. I want a partnership relationship. Would I consider something temporary? Only if I'm an integrity with the person, their integrity with me. I think if two people are integrity with one another, right from the very get-go and they maintain integrity, I'm not, I probably won't go down that path, but I wouldn't put it past me that I might consider it because I'm still a human being riddled with flaws and I want, look it, I got needs and I've got, and I have the need, I have needs and then I have a need for connection. So when I can entertain it, it's hard to say. The reason why I'm vacillating, because I could give you a staunch, hell no, I would never do that because I'm going to stick to my narrative because I'm a dating relationship coach. And I'm here to say, I'm a flawed human being like everyone else, okay? Be nice to get laid. So yes, I don't know what the answer to that, okay? Barbara says long-term goals, find a fabulous condo and you each, each of you buy an apartment ride up and down the elevator to ride up and down in all the ways of relationship, okay? By the way, property here in Southern California is ridiculously expensive. It's not that easy to do. Ginny says, do you think the women of the Golden Bachelor were anxious attachment? I didn't really see secure attachment. The show almost forces anxious attachment. Quite frankly, we don't know their attachment style. I mean, they, this was a TV show that was, they were like, they were made to be desperate right from the very beginning. I don't think those women were rather anxious, but who knows? But I don't believe, I believe most, I think women tend to be more anxious and men tend to be more avoidant. That's not a, that's not a research-based answer. This is just anecdotal from my perspective because men tend to be less emotionally expressive and women tend to vomit their emotions more and women have a propensity of give their power away to men more. So I think that's what possibly happens, but I know lots of avoidant women. Trust me on this one. I know lots of avoidant women. Uh, Sharyn, don't you, wait, don't you that there is more to this than that they couldn't agree to where they live? I would think this was the first thing they would talk about before, until you actually live it, you really don't know. Talking about it from an intellectual perspective is not the same as living it. And I think they lived it for the last four months and realized that it wasn't going to work. You know, just like Marie said, I want to give it a try. You have to try something. And then you know whether or not it works. So that's my thoughts on that. Mary Ann says, only because I had an all in relationship very recently and it was wonderful, but I've been waiting for that again. So I was just wondering, oh, you were respects to my desire for all in. Okay, I appreciate that. Make us says, haha, way to go, Jonathan. Ha, way to go, Jonathan. Uh, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Jahala says, yes, every relationship should leave you with positive additions to your life. You know, I am so blessed that I've had three significant relationships in my life and a couple of short lived experiences. You know, despite the marriage that didn't work out and believe me, as I said before, I was a rather unconscious husband. Um, um, I'm married to a really sincere, beautiful human being. I wonder if I have a picture of my ex-wife. Um, oh, here's a picture of my ex-wife with my, with my kids, Connor and Colin. This was when we all went out to dinner once. Um, and I saved this picture because every Mother's Day, I share this picture with my community. I am grateful for the person that she is. She is such a fantastic mother and a good human being and we didn't, we were clueless when we got married. But that's a picture of her. Um, and then my second most significant relationship was with, uh, Dr. Sherry Myers. There's a, she wrote the book called Chatting or Cheating, Dr. Sherry Myers, and that's a picture of her. And, um, and that relationship helped, helped me on so many levels that helped help reparent me after my divorce. It helped me, um, I think we helped each other grow, grow and learn, um, you know, from a variety of different ways where we were at in our lives. I think we were both needed some love and support and we were both, uh, you were there for each other on so many different levels. And I am so grateful beyond words for that relationship. Um, and, and we, to this day we remain, you know, I mean, I want to say we're good friends only in the context that, um, you know, we, we see each other at social gatherings because we have a lot of mutual friends. Um, please forgive me. I'm looking for, um, I'm looking for a photograph of Marie. Um, but my phone is not cooperating, but anyway, and then my most significant relationship with Marie, I mean, she was such a blessing in my life. I'm so grateful for all the things she taught and brought to my life. Um, here's, I know there's a good picture of her and I, uh, and there was a picture of us on a cruise together. So these three relationships really made a difference in my life. And I'm so grateful. And the fact that we remain friendly to each other, I think is a testament to the fact that, you know, relationships don't have to go the distance for it to have value. And I think, um, by the way, go write this down. Someone put this in the box, Netflix, black mirror, hang the DJ. I want you to watch this tonight. I want you to watch Netflix, hang a black mirror, hang the DJ. It's a great illustration why every relationship comes into your life for a reason. So anyway, Netflix black mirror, hang the DJ. Okay. And here's one more, uh, one more photograph of the two of us. So I'm sorry for a blurriness. All right. Oh, Kathy says, lovely tribute to them. Thank you. I really honor my ex-wife, my significant relationship. Her name is Aaron. I, my significant relationship with sherry and certainly my significant relationship with Marie. These were all beautiful experience. And I believe fourth time is the charm. I am a full believer now. Fourth time is the charm. Uh, Anika says they all seem like beautiful and amazing women. I'm blessed to have good people in mind. Um, by the way, I believe most people are good people. You're all good people. Everybody is a good person. I believe that. And I think every soul is a beautiful soul. And I've been blessed to have some beautiful souls in my life. All right. Let's see. Jehala says, all my relationships left me with positive vibes that helped me grow as a person. Exactly. Uh, I said this. Relationships don't have to go the distance to have value. Yes. That's a quote from Jonathan Asley. I'll have to create a meme from that. As Jenny says, for a reason, a season or a lifetime, exactly. All right. We're going to end on this note. Fourth time is a charm. Yay. Actually, I have a matchmaker. Uh, my friend matchmaker, Julie Furman. Um, type in Julie firm. I'll type it in the chat box. Julie Furman. Um, she, oops. Um, hold on a second. Just Google her. She's a matchmaker. Um, Julie Furman.com. She's actually, I just got set up with somebody today and we'll probably meet in the next week or so. Um, and it'll be interesting. It'll be actually, my technically it'll be my first date. If we do meet for a date, it'll be my first date since the end of my relationship. So it's been over nine months since our relationship ended. I wanted to give myself time to be in a space to be open and receptive to somebody. I'd like to think I'm in that place. Um, you know, when. I believe there's always a bit of nervousness to be open and vulnerable with someone new. So I believe, uh, trust needs to be built. Um, I'm a big proponent of building trust and when trust is built, I think that creates the pathway to being open and receptive. And that's where I hope to be. We'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted. You know, my, I'm a, I'm an open book to most of you. I mean, I do have to respect the privacy of some of the people in my life and I do out of respect and may not share everything because it, it does. It can affect other people. But for the most part, I like to be as transparent with you all because I'm in the same boat as you and I teach what I learned an hour before and then I pass it on every time I write a new, I write new script. It's cause I'm learning something and I'm passing it on, uh, to everybody else. So by the way, Mary Ann says four time is the charm. I have a prayer. Uh, Terry says good luck. KK says, uh, have a great day. We're not there yet, but we'll see what happens. I'll probably write her. Um, all right, folks, I think this will be a great place to wrap up. Hey, did you find value in what I shared about the golden bachelor and Gary and Teresa? Post a comment below. I'd like to hear all your thoughts as always. If you find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. As always, if you, uh, want to connect with me, check out the links to a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. Check out my group, midlife, what mastery, follow me on Instagram. All that good stuff is listed below. I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic, gigantic John the Merrick of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. If that's okay, I'm going to ask you to turn to someone. A pat, a teddy bear pillow, give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. By the way, these are little pineapples. I just thought I'd share that with everyone. All right. I want to thank Rhonda and Catherine and Terry and, uh, none poetry and brown eyes and KK and Mary Ann and Kathy and Cynthia and Micah and Holly and true Morris and Barbara and Annika and Kathleen and, uh, Donna and, uh, Sharon and Jenny and Jaheela and Sandy. Everyone big hugs. Thanks so much. Oh, we didn't get any donations. The Conor as a scholarship fund. I'm really sad. I would appreciate it. Some love. Maybe some of you right before you can log off. You can give some love to the Conor as a scholarship fund. Hit that little dollar sign below. Okay. All right. Thanks a bunch. Everyone be well. Bye now.