 standing on a back and out of hair wrapped around my fist. Welcome to episode number 29 to the Martin and Markle podcast. We are in a house. My house. We're in Michael's house this week. And we'll hear every week. We'll give you a little tour. I can't stop playing with my fucking stomach rolls. I can, because it hurts when I touch my stomach, because I have pancreatic cancer. Ho-ho! Maybe. Maybe. Are you going to let them know? Yeah, well, I guess by the time this comes out, we'll know, or so I'll either be deeply devastated or on a weekend, a bender. Fuck, so would you be devastated if you found out you didn't have cancer? And or would you? No, I'd be devastated if I found out I did have cancer. So the bender would only happen if you didn't have cancer? It would be a celebration. Yeah, OK. Would you just have, what about if you did have cancer and then would the bender be like just? No, I wouldn't have a bender, because then I'd die quicker. OK, OK, I can see that. Well, there you go, guys. Make sure you send some love, even though. Michael pissed a couch on the weekend. Yeah, again, another couch to the list. I had a different sort of party. It is step-parent day, apparently. Yeah, you had, like, karaoke and stuff, right? Yeah, by Goughran and step-daughter through a little surprise shindig. Yeah, it looked cute. I watched the stories. Yeah, it was cute. I can't stop playing with my fat rolls. Yeah. They're so addictive. It, like, sits over my pants now. We haven't worked out for a long time. Things are on the decline physically. Mental health state is also plummeting. I think it coincides with the physical state. So, yeah, things have just gone pretty downhill. Our magpie video that we put a lot of time and effort into was demonetized. You got threatened with a knife the other week? I am. Maybe we should tell that story. Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, was that too detailed, though? Because they might listen to it and get all offended. Oh, well, fuck them. Yeah, true. They are pieces of work, which is like any human being. All right. On this day, famous birthdays. Today is Mark Wahlberg's 42nd birthday. Wow, he's so young. That was a lie. OK. Also, Kim Kleister's turn 30. Yeah, Kim Kleister's the 10th player. I used to have a massive crush on her when I was a kid. Yeah, we had to give her a call this morning to wish her a happy birthday, which is, of course, also a lie. And Oprah Winfrey turns 73 today. And she has been diagnosed with a third breast. Well, that's probably cancer. No, that's what everyone thought. But it's just she has a third breast growing. Well, we're at the center of that. Just on her stomach, just underneath the original two breasts, that is, of course, also a lie. On this day, in 1963, there were three TVs found on the moon. All right, the next segment, which has, of course, been renamed to low-energy name, suits the episode. And this is a segment where we just read fan questions, which we have been sent in via Instagram. One of our favorite segments, and one of Julia Robert's favorite segments as well, which is, of course, a lie. Oh, here we go. First question is from Tan John Martin, with double N in between Tan and Martin. OK. Oh, yeah. When will Matt Brown from Wholesome come on as a guest? Great question. Perhaps. Maybe, I don't know, maybe for episode number 30. We'll get Matt Brown from Wholesome on. And he can tell us about Wholesome. And he can wear his uniform. But yes, we'll get him on soon. If that's what the people want, that's what the fucking people get. Yeah, and thank you to everyone who messaged Matt from Wholesome via Instagram. Yeah, apparently last episode, we told everyone too. And he was using Instagram, doing it. He was inundated with them. He couldn't. He had to delete the app. That's how many he was getting. Next message is from it's Matt B2558. Matt B, who's that? Matt Brown. Wholesome. OK, would we rather place a glass cup with lubricant into our open gaping arse, which promptly shatters, or place a piece of paper across the pink aspect of your dick leading to a fine cut, which bleeds for a short period of time. That's easy. The second one. Yeah, the second one. The first one, you would probably die. Very graphic, but great question. But yeah, the first one, look, the shattered pieces of glass might come out easily, seeing that they're covered in lube. But yeah, I'm definitely going to have to go option number two for that one, because my insides are already quite fucked, apparently, cancer. Fuck. All right, here we go. Jay underscore Dan 34. If you guys never met each other, what do you think you'd be doing now? I'd probably be a rich business tycoon, and I would have started a newspaper recycling industry, not just a business, an industry that recycles newspapers. And I would have built drones that go and collect the newspapers that people throw out, and the drones would collect the newspapers, bring them into the factory, where they would get recycled into rubber, and then I'd sell the rubber to companies that buy rubber. And I'd be a multi-millionaire, and my name would be Klim Payne. Payne's good. I'd probably be, I reckon, number four in the world at tennis. And he wouldn't be able to walk, and he'd be really, really fat. Yeah, it'd be like, what's it called, the wheelchair at tennis, like power. Oh, I thought you meant gaming. He'd be number four in the world at gaming tennis. Nah, nah, I'd be the actual tennis sport. I don't think so. Yeah, okay. You'd be number four in the world at gaming, and one, not even the most popular tennis game, like the fifth most popular tennis game, maybe Anna Kornakova Smash. Smash sport tennis or something, yeah. Yeah, and he'd be the fourth best, and incredibly overweight. Fun fact for you guys, speaking of gaming, me and Martin were in the top 10 in the world at Worms Armageddon 2. Number nine we were. And we did beat the world number one multiple times. Anyway. All right, next question is from the Ben Fisher. At what age did you, Marty, start to get flustered in feelings for cows? Oh, look, I've always had that. Even as a child, I noticed feelings of rage when we lived on a farm. Yeah, so from very early on, but the feelings definitely intensified through puberty, and when I came of age, and I first acted on them maybe in my late teens, I bitch-slapped a huge dairy cow, and then that sort of rolled me right up, gave me goosebumps and a very, very painful erection. And yeah, I just sort of got more and more violent from there and started closing my fist to punch and kissing with teeth. And then of that, of course, eventually led to a full-blown penetration after knocking the beasts unconscious. Did, like, so you didn't act on it till late teens, so when did you start thinking of it when you were young? I started fooling around with them maybe like 13. Well, you quickly have a grab and then pushed it away or something. Yeah, start hitting them and chasing them and throwing sticks at them and spitting at them and then scratching their legs. Holy shit. Yeah. Man, so yeah, cows have always been in the back of your mind. Cows will always be there. Cows will always be there mooing and bleeding and running through fields. What's feels, what's bleeding mean? I think it's like mooing. Okay. All right, next question is from underscore nyala.munich with an underscore at the end. Did you just touch me then? I did. Okay. Why did Jackson live with you? It's a great question. He definitely regretted it early on. He, yeah, it's not really, it's not a nice house and we're not nice to live with and the place was fucked and we were still really poor at this stage. And yes, I don't know. I guess he just sort of, we got some shit done. We got videos done and it was fun. It was a lot of fun. We did a lot of silly things. We smoked a lot of weed and got high at night and gained and ate a lot of junk food and we kissed. Yeah. We used to sleep next to each other. Yeah. And yeah. And now he just lives down the road. This is from Mendel Hertz Witz. Can you please roast fast and furious? Oh fuck, we've done it so many times. Haven't we? It's hard. He's got to get hate and energy into it. Yeah. I'll just stop points is. Just don't like, yeah, they just, look, you've watched five minutes of the movie and you know exactly that the main character is going to get the girl at the end and that there's a big boss guy that he's going to have to battle at the end and the main guy will just win and then he'll probably become maybe friends with the main bad guy. That's what's going to happen. And the middle bit is just fucking hot dudes and hot chicks saying dumb shit, like real corny fucking lines, terrible acting and really unbelievable action scenes, like fuck off. Yeah, actions too. The good guy always misses, dodges all the bullets and there's one good guy and like 50 bad dudes. Action movies are fucked. It's like there's no, it's like they can't get hurt. If they can jump off 10 story buildings and land on the ground and be okay. It's not on. They're not superheroes. And if they are, just say they are. Yeah. They should be wearing capes then to make that clear. And fuck cars too. Yeah, God. General, like if you're obsessed with cars, that's, it's not on. It's too far. I think, yeah, just like, yeah, a car's a car. Like it's not living. It doesn't provide milk. You can't cut it up and turn it into beef. It doesn't have beautiful little fine coat of hair on it. It doesn't have massive, beautiful head, plump cheeks. It doesn't have hooves. It doesn't have anything. You can't fuck a car. I'm sure you can. Yeah, but you can't fuck it properly. The exhaust doesn't fit nicely around your cock. It's just, it's just like fucking air, a bucket because your dick just goes in the exhaust and out that you can't feel the sides. At least with a cake and feel the flesh around your cock so you know something's going on. I love their eyes. They're so huge. Yeah, I've put a thumb in some. Thumb in the eye and pushed it as far in as I could. In front of its calf. Oh, fuck. Holy, yeah, the cars are fucked. Yeah, the cars are fucked. Cows are great. Oh, this is from Nicholas, underscore Malone24. How long have you had your dog for and how's he going? Six years and he's going real good. He's, I think he's putting on a bit of weight. I'm going to have to put him on a diet again. When's he turned seven? Next April. Oh, wow. Yeah, so he's like six and a half nearly. So I'm, yeah, he's life expectancy is only like nine. So, but I think he'll probably live to maybe 20 because I still don't fully believe that he is a dog. Yeah, he is. He's part human. Yeah. He's size, he has emotions. It's crazy. This next question is from Bryce, our mate. He says Aussie, his Instagram is Aussie underscore carts 99. Who's the owner of Bosley? Marty is. I had Bosley given to me as a gift like six years ago. And, yeah, now he's all mine. And this question is the last question. It's from Jordan.crawley, our mate from Melbourne. And he asked, what kind of kids were you both? I was a little fucking psycho, a little ADD boy, run around screaming and laughing. And you were naughty. You always get in trouble. I was a very naughty boy, very naughty. And mum would always get really angry because the principal would call every day and say the naughty thing that I had done. I'm also naughty. He's my report cards. You said naughty, naughty, naughty. And that's it. I was school captain. Yeah. I was an angel until high school happened. And then shit went down. Fuck off fly. Now leave it. Let it land on you. Let it land on you. It did land on my nose. Yeah, good. Leave it. Why is it hanging around me? Why do you think? Lean forwards, continue to talk and let the fly be. God, what's wrong with you, man? It's a living creature. Yeah. Sorry, dude. Flies are quite important. All right, that's all the questions. All right, which of course brings us to our next segment, which has been renamed. Do you want to know what it's? Yeah, yeah. What's it been renamed to? Why are you doing that? Because you're going to... Ah! I think it hurt my fucking ears. Is the name of the new segment. And this is a segment where we tell an old, old wooden ship. Oh, is this story time? Yeah, it's story time. It's time where we tell an old story and this story is a story that has been strung out for months and it all exploded last week. The police showed up. We called the police, believe it or not. We invited the police to our house. Yeah, it's a change. It's different. Normally they just come. We feared for our safety. So a while ago, Jackson and Lockie were over and we have a lot of unruly, very loud people that come over here a lot. So a lot of dumb shit happens here. So fair enough, some of our neighbors are a little disgruntled, a little offside. And it just so happens that Jackson and Lockie were walking down our driveway and Jackson was filming an Instagram story and Lockie walked into our neighbor's fence, which dinted it and put that on Instagram. And someone who knows the neighbors has sent that Instagram story to them and they have thought that we've done it on purpose or something, but we didn't know. We got, how did we first find out? We got a letter from the real estate, didn't we? No, no, no. What happened was we found out, well, I didn't even find out, my roommate who lives with me finds out because he wakes up as just as he's moved in to a knocking at the door with screaming, had no idea what the fuck's going on, opened it up. It's old mate, one of the neighbors who's- The guy who lives there, he's quite upset. So he came over and was- Threatened us. Was doing some pretty threatening things, turning his hand into a gun and pointing at us and saying, I'm gonna get all of you guys. I'm gonna sort you guys out, start paying for the fix of fence, blah, blah, blah. And my roommate just moved in so he has no fucking idea what the hell is going on and why he's getting yelled at. Yeah, so, yeah, Lockheed was like, I don't know who you are, I don't know what's going on. And then anyway that he left. And so, and then Lockheed told us obviously and we didn't, even then had no idea which fence was broken or whatever. It was only when we then found out, when Jackson and Lockheed told us, oh, Lockheed walked into that fence and then we saw there was a little dent in it that we're like, oh, that's the fence. Anyway, we knew the guy was really annoyed. And so we were sort of hesitant to go there because he was, you know, was quite threatening. If you threaten someone over a fence, you're fucked. You're fucked up. You don't go and threaten someone's life because they've damaged your fence. If you care about a fence, you're fucked. Yeah. End of story. Well, I don't, yeah, I think that there was more to it but we didn't know that there was more to it at this stage, right? So anyway, a month or so goes by we're sort of waiting because the guy came over and said that we need to pay for the fence. So we're sort of waiting for them to get the fence fixed and then we were just planning on, we're just gonna make Lockheed pay for it there. And then, because it was, you know, a little awkward now, but anyway, months went by, then there was another time when no one was home except one of our friends had crashed here on the night. And again, he came over real early in the morning, was banging on the fence, saying, I know you're in there, saying that we have to, you know, pay for the fence, blah, blah, blah. So he, the guy just had random outbursts every now and then over the space of the five months. And he'd never confronted me. I'd never seen it. And anyway, so this happened a few times. And then I was just last week, I was walking up the driveway, I saw him fixing his motor bikes and I thought, oh good, I can talk to him and, you know, sort out the awkwardness finally. Cause, you know, everyone that lives here was pretty scared of him. He's like, he's a big dude, you know, rides around on motor bikes and stuff like that, but not so much his appearance, just the things that he would say were very intimidating and threatening. And anyway, I tried to talk to him and as soon as I opened my mouth, he walked straight over to me, got like 20 centimeters away from my face and just started saying, saying shit. I was like, oh, you know, let us know how much the fence is, we'll get it fixed. And he's like, fuck off, you won't get the fence fixed. You've had five months to get it fixed. You're not gonna do shit. And then I was like, oh, yes, we will. I will pay for the fence. And he's kept saying fuck off. And he's saying, more and more worked up, really, really worked up. And then he's like, why didn't you come over? You've had five months to come over and pay for it. Why haven't you done it? Well, because after the first time you'd threatened the housemates, everyone's sort of a bit scared to come over. And you've intimidated everyone at the house. And then he got right up in my face and then pulled a handle of something out of his pocket. He was working on his bike. I initially thought it was a knife, but it could have been a tool, could have been anything. So yeah, but he's meant it in a really intimidating way. And he's just pulled half the, whatever it was out of his pocket, just revealing the handle and got right in my face. And then I just sort of turned and walked away and he was just sort of screaming and carrying on. You think it's like you should be intimidated? Yeah, yes. There's been more threats, level-headed dude. Yeah, and he was saying stuff like, oh, you know, pay the money, otherwise I'll come over and get something of equal value or some shit like that. So yeah, he's just saying basically that he's gonna come and take something that's worth whatever it costs to fix a fence. So anyway, that's like, yeah, that was like, all right, that's pretty fucked up. So I came indoors and we just called the cops straight away. Cops came over and then we just explained everything to them and asked the cops to go and talk to the guy because obviously whenever we try and talk to him, he just blows up. Like that was proven when I tried to talk to him to resolve it. He has anger issues. Yeah, so anyway, the cops went over there and then spoke to them and then came back. And the cop said that he didn't say a word. There was all his wife that was doing the talking. And the reason why he was so annoyed is because the wife for the last five months has felt really, really scared and intimidated by us living here. Apparently we do things that are really scary and they watch the videos obviously. So they just think we're a bit crazy and apparently the husband works away a lot, which of course we didn't know. I don't know why she expected us to know that. But yeah, he works away a lot and just apparently she was under the impression that we were trying to intimidate her, which we never would do and have never done. All we try and do is just do dumb videos and we try and make sure that we keep all the pain shit in house. So we just do it to each other. Anyway, so the police was like, oh, she wants to come over and talk to you and wants to get an apology and blah, blah, blah. So we're like, yeah, bring her over and then we spoke to her, apologize for the fence, Lockie gave her some money for the fence and the reason that she was so upset was, yeah, because she thought we're intimidating her and then her husband would get home from work and she would tell her husband and then he'd race over and go off his nut and intimidate us. So massive miscommunication and- But like, she, obviously the husband hasn't even told her that he's been threatening us. Yeah, again. Because when we pull that to her light, like to show her that that's been happening, she's like, oh, well, you guys can take it because I've seen what you guys do, like your gel blaster vids. So it's like, just cause we can hurt each other on screen and what we do for videos doesn't mean he can threaten us because we can take it. That's like, if you're a porn star, I can just go up to you and say, hey, I can rape you because you can take that. Like that's insane fucking thinking. Obviously didn't, doesn't like what we do and then thought that it's okay for her husband to do those things because of the things we do in videos, apparently we should be able to take it. But we called the cops at the end of the day cause we felt intimidated and we didn't even know that she was upset. We didn't even know that she felt like that. Write a letter if you're that like upset and put it in the mailbox, be an adult. But anyway, solve now. So yeah, that's the story of our neighbor, nearly bloody pulling a weapon. Yeah. We don't know if it was a knife, but he was- He was very angry. Suggesting that. Very angry. Quite upset. Yeah. So that's story time. So don't piss off your neighbors. Don't, yeah. Don't hurt fences. Ooh. Ha ha ha ha. We just shot a little elastic band and it mapped from wholesome and we got a little fright. All right. That is the end of story time. Now we're going to dive into another segment and this segment is, it's, it's, I think this is what the first time we're doing it. I think. We're going to read on our YouTube channel, fully actual, to see what people want us to talk about. Could be topics, could be other questions, but this is from, this sub-segment is us reading it from YouTube, not Instagram. Yeah. So our YouTube channel, fully actual, people have been commenting on it and we're going to read some out from our last episode, episode 27. Yeah. This, all right. Let's get straight in. Well, we didn't give this segment a name. I guess we should probably give it a name. No, I didn't mean to leave it. Oh God. That'll be the name. Remember that for next week. Okay. Write that down. All right. So we have here from episode number 27, which is where we had Locky on. Episode 28 hasn't come out yet because we're, you know, in front. All right. Let's go through and read some of these. Do a whole video of prank calls. We might do a compilation eventually. Mighty Markle's content means to me what cows mean to Mighty. Everything is lovely. Don't ever stop making podcasts. Oh, that's also lovely. I'll see if we can, if I can survive. Cancer. Incredible. Love the podcast. If this is your last, you better be scared or something. Amazing guys. So happy you got Locky on. Yeah. Locky was good. Good to see Locky being Locky, not trying to act funny. Love the podcast. Thank you. Such a lovely, such a lovely comments. What's the gayest experience you've ever had? Michael nearly fucks Jackson. Yeah, but that wasn't probably hooking up with a dude, like just with tongue. Yeah, but as a joke. Yeah. Yeah. To make people angry at bars because they are homophobic. Yeah. Yeah. So, but it's, it's like, it's not what, it's not just passionate, real kissing. It's like, sick, really exaggerated, fucked up to get a reaction out of bars. Hardcore Frenching. So you're not really, it's not romantic. Just banging your heads together with your thumbs out. La la la la la la. Basically. So yeah, that would be the most. And also, Michael's tossed a guy off before. Yeah. You should take your tops off. $400. You should take your tops off? Dude, no way. Maybe, maybe in like six months. When we started taking steroids, if I'm still alive, I can't say. Use a fucking legends. I've noticed Luke Irwin copied your microwave science experiment and is another one that said you should get him on the podcast. Yeah, we get Lukey on. Yeah, he's down in Sydney though. It's a fair hike. Next time he's up. Are you actually gay? No, no, Mitchell Vlogs. We are not actually gay. We have girlfriends and we are, we are so straight that we can do gay shit and not be phased by it, okay? Two penny milk. Wow, dude. He was from day one. Two penny was a guy that made like a fan videos about us when we were nothing. When we were just starting out on YouTube back in the day when we weren't even Marty and Michael. So that was like five years ago. Go subscribe to two penny milk. Yeah. What numbers are at the end? Eight, nine, oh, eight. There you go. Did you get to visit any weed dispensaries in California? So what was your favorite thing to try? Yes, of course, we went there. We bought CBD oil, not from them or obviously you can get that anywhere, but yeah, we bought heaps of joints, heaps of different weed. Edibles, some edibles, little gummies. We double-dropped and then we went on scooters in mid scooter ride to the cinema that we're gonna see a movie. It hit and oh my God, it was hard to stand up. Yeah, it's fucked. But yeah, very cool. I can't wait for that to be around in straya. What's the most disturbing slash scariest thing you've ever experienced? Sleep paralysis? Yeah, that's pretty scary. Yeah, probably, is it so supernatural and weird sleep paralysis? Probably just like health scares. I appreciate it. I just hate anything to do with health. Just want health to be something you don't have to worry about, but God, it's always something you gotta fucking think about. So annoying, it's be healthy. Yeah. God. Yeah, I think about death a lot. If we're being honest. But yeah, that's that question answered. What's with all the shock pens in the cup laughing my ass off? We did a brand deal for these shock pen guys a while ago and they sent us like 20 of them because we needed a few for the video. So yeah, and we just like to have them around just in case someone asks for a pen or something and then they get one and push it down and shock themselves. So yeah, it's quite comical, isn't it? Yeah, it's pretty good. Like playing little pranks on people who visit. We've shocked a few people, let's put it that way. Yeah, definitely. Don't come over if you've got a pacemaker or something. Or a weak heart. Yeah. Or cancer. Don't come over if you have cancer. Oh, dude. What is your most diabolical night out you've ever had? Fuck me, there's been so many, so many benders. Yeah, we've done a lot of, yeah. What, fuck, the time we got arrested overseas that was pretty fucked and I at the time the huge drug benders. Well, we don't really remember much. Yeah, it's just all black. It's impossible to pick one. The time when we were like 18, when we used to pretend to be a famous rock band and would get free drinks and girls that way. The time we used to, with that time we killed that guy. Yeah, well the time that we fucking took, you know, who to the woods and beat the shit out of him. Yeah, the time we took that guy and kidnapped someone, the time we found a raped man at the end of the night. Oh man, yeah. There's two men, how do you choose? All right, next question. Could you talk about the greatest assets of a tourist man? I am taught, we are tourists. Yeah, on the cusp, I'm nearly a German. Look, I've read them for fun, read the little things, but God, they're really, there's just, like, what are you fucking, mean star signs? The tourist is meant to be a really stubborn, quiet person, so that's not right. Yeah, wow, is that, I've heard it's stubborn. I'm pretty stubborn, but quiet. I guess we're not really quiet. The tourist is meant to get obliterated, drunk and piss themselves involuntary everywhere. So that's, that doesn't... That's me, but no you're... Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah, wow. Okay, yeah, so maybe there's a few things, a few things about tourists that are spot on. Jaden Stacker has said, when you met Marty... In high school. 2005. Really, yeah. Oh, 2005. Half our lives ago. All right, then I want us to talk about, have you traveled to another planet? Yes, we have. Yeah, astral projection. Yeah, and also physically, we flew a plane once. I thought about that. Flew a plane and veered too hard to the right. There was one time I went out on a boat. I was just on a tinny and I drove, like, out to sea and to the point where I couldn't see land anymore. Yeah. I'm pretty sure I got to another planet. That definitely sounds like it. If you can't see land, that's probably like, maybe Mars or something by the sounds of that. And yeah, that was that. One time where the plane banged a bit too hard to the right for like 40 seconds and I'm pretty sure that we were like near Mercury or something like... Yeah, we hit it and then we deflected off it. Going through the atmosphere of it. So like, yeah, weird shit, but yeah, yeah. So of course, of course we have. Have either of you had a didgeridoo battle? Yes, weekly. I can't do it. Well, yeah, we both of us can't do it, but we swing them at each other as hard as we can. Yeah, we have battles with them. Talk about your first route. Oh, man. Oh, I know what you were going to say. What am I going to say? It wasn't long ago. It literally happened just before Maniki said. Yeah, well, it was it was the first time with the cow. Yeah. So you'd never if you were acting out as a teenager on them, then what the fuck? How is it going to take till you're 29? Well, I didn't really count it as sex for a long time. You know, like there were times where I probably had sex with a cow, but I sort of just black out. And so it's not 100 percent sure like there's no memory of it. So did it ever really happen? Yeah, it's like it was first time. It was the first time I remembered having sex was. Yeah, right. Wow. Yeah, I was like 12. It was at the local Catholic Church. Uncles. There were 15 uncles around. My uncle was a priest at that point. And yeah, it went from thumbs to fists to cock. It went from thumbs and bums to fists and wrists. Matthew Brown, wholesome Jeff from Jake Osborne. Matthew Brown. Matthew Gregory Brown works wholesome, wholesome concrete. They've got their headquarters there in Milton. So Matthew Brown is quite high up. He's worked his way up the ranks there and got the promotion a while ago. I wonder, yeah, so he's got a few people under him. And yeah, let's just say, yeah, things are going well and wholesome. So Matthew Brown is a big, big part of that. So Matthew Brown wholesome, wholesome concrete. Such a creepy voice. What is your weirdest sexual experience? Oh, one time this. Blind nun shoved both her arms up my ass and. Pulled to the sides and we ended up having a fight. So there, that's probably my weirdest. Yeah, I had a hand go in my ass and then like it was a fist. And then they went like this and spread them. And the not the rings that she was wearing had like jagged edges. So as she springed them out, they sort of cut. I remember that. I remember laughing and painting. I was making, I was painting at the time. Yeah, you loved your paint painting, then. Do you have any phobias? Yes, birds, birds terrify me. I was attacked by a magpie. Yeah, I was attacked very aggressively when I was a small boy and it nearly killed me. It was bomb diving me. It was trying to fucking kill me. And I was lying on the ground screaming for like a long time. Someone died this morning from a magpie. We just released yesterday. It would have been out for over a week now. Yeah, go watch our magpie video. We did another experiment and of course it got demonetized because Facebook's great. And yeah, this guy died. Apparently it swooped him and then he lost his balance, came off the bike, hit a fence and died from head injuries later on that day. That's not on. If a bird shouldn't kill you. Yeah, that's weak. If it's. Yeah, he's always pretty old. He should know he'd had a good run anyway. Then you've got 76 years to figure out to not be weak. Like you should be stronger at that age. I didn't get it. True. You should you've got 76 years to work out that don't be scared of magpies. Fuck. And then the last question, your other channel is better than this channel. All right, which brings us to our final segment and which has, of course, been renamed with a lot of question answering today. Yeah, everyone learned a lot about us. All right, the final segment has been renamed prank calls with Marty and Michael. Dot dot dot and then that bit at the end. Oh, and this is a segment where we just do some prank calls. And this week's prank call idea. My phone's filming this so I can't see the guy's username. Fuck, he wanted a shout out, but sorry, dude. Anyway, he suggested that I call Domino's and then pretend that whatever the guy is saying is a joke, like a really funny joke. I thought that was a good idea. So that is what I'm going to fucking do. OK. It's ringing. Hey, can I just make a pickup order, please? Yes. Can I get one large barbecue meatlovers, please? What are the the base sizes you have again? What are the base sizes you have again? Like the. Yeah. Yeah, so what are they? All right. Yeah, I'll just get a large, please. And can I get, do you guys? What's that one with with pineapple on it? Hawaii, Hawaiian, like the the country. We got pizza with there's like a frame with pineapple on it as well. With with the pineapple on there as well. You are you are quite the the breath of fresh air. I'll tell you that much. I've never experienced a order like this before. Yes, I'll I'll have one of them. Thanks. Very good. Very. Yes. Oh, my God. That is you are very witty, very quick on your feet there. Yes, I'll get the the Hawaiian, please. And what what what drinks do you guys have? Oh, she's just said Mountain Dew. Oh, excuse me. Oh, you are a crack up miss. Unbelievable. I'll just have the the Pepsi Max. Thanks, Mountain Dew. I'm going to use that one. I'm going to use that one from now on. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just Pepsi Max. Thanks. Very funny. Yeah, do you guys have any sides? So what do you have any side specials with the two large pizzas and do you have any side deals? Pardon? Oh, I can see. Well, what did you say? What are there any specials? Do you guys have any specials for two large pizzas? So with a garlic bread in a drink? I just put me on hold. Yes, I'll I'll get the what did you call it? The the garlic bread, was it? Yeah, yeah, put me down for for one of those things. So so how much how much is all of that in total? Garlic bread is a classic. Literally had tears in my eyes then. Very, very funny. Sorry, how much was that? Thirty nine dollars and ninety cents. That's that's nearly thirty dollars. Yeah, wait, is this another joke? So this isn't you're not making another hilarious joke. This is you're being serious. Twenty nine dollars. I'm just going to have to check my bank details because I thought I thought it'd be like fifteen dollars tops. It's not. Just a couple of you said traditional pizza then that was so funny. Do you do comedy or something? What is this? Am I being like recorded or something? What's with all the jokes? Seriously? What's with all the jokes? I've never. Oh, my God, is this like something that just you guys do just be really funny or something? Fuck's sake. Hello? Yeah, yeah. So yeah, so twenty nine dollars was it? Yeah, I'm going to have to I might just have to put that order on hold and give you guys a call back because I've only got about fifteen dollars in coins, but I might have a large silver spoon that's worth fifty dollars. I could bring that in. Anyway, I'll get back to you. I am currently in my neighbor's house. I love you. Oh, man. I wish you kept doing that for like like in thirty seconds. Yeah, next time next time when the the cancer isn't looming, we'll be much funnier. OK, so everyone have a lovely week. This is the end of episode twenty nine that you might have noticed those are watching that the painting is missing on the right. It's because Michael frisbeid it into the wall and destroyed it. So if you have any artwork that you want to send in, we'll have a box soon. I've got to sort that we'll just we'll just DMS your picture and we'll get it blown up and put there. Yeah, new spot available. OK, we'll go down Officeworks and get it blown up and put it in a frame. Would you like that? Yeah, are we still the best this week? Yeah, look, we are. But it's just a different type of best with the best at having health issues and being sad. OK, yeah, all right. All right, so we'll see you guys next time. Don't forget to always put your shoes under the couch so that people don't trip on them as they walk into your house. You fucking dumb bitch, mom, you fucking dumb bitch. That really fucked me up. We're the best, we're the best, we're the best.