 The Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills where we find Rochester very busy addressing Christmas cars Just about ten more and I'll be through addressing mr. Benny's Christmas cars Now let's see mr. And Mrs. Bing Crosby and family mr. And Mrs. Eddie Canada and family Man, he sure killed a bunch of birds with those two stones Pretty nice cars the bosses sent out this year and he sure knows how to economize on them Just look at that Christmas greetings 1944 the 1950s Got all the cards addressed dog gone. I wish the boys would buy stamps I feel so conspicuous putting on that gray uniform and going from door to door Watching those cars wonder what the boss is gonna get me for a present hurting stay was going shopping this afternoon So better start dropping a few hints. No, he's immune to hints. I better lay it right on it You're all through with the car there, right? Yes, sir jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way I'm happy today. What happened? Oh, no, I've just been thinking how lucky I am to be working for a man like you Yeah, now you take my friend Sam. He works for one of the stentiest men in the world Why last year for Christmas all he gave Sam was three little handkerchiefs. Well, Rochester I don't think that's such a bad. I'll never forget Christmas day Down on Central Avenue, everyone was showing off their new wristwatches and gold cigarette cases There was Sam with those three little handkerchiefs Oh, that's a shame. Yeah It really embarrassed for Sam when people ask him what his boss gave him for Christmas and he had to pull out those three little handkerchiefs How can a man be that cheap? Oh Rochester, you don't understand the spirit of Christmas the important thing is the fact that you're remembered the gift itself is nothing I know that's the kind of propaganda. I'm trying to overcome Oh Say I better hurry up. I want to get my shopping done. I've got to pick up Miss Livingston first Rochester while I'm dressing turn on the radio. Will you okay boy? In case you don't like chops or steaks, then simply take a 12 pound standing rib roast cover generously with strips from two or three pounds of bacon and Then place in oven While this is roasting you can make a tasty frosting for your cake by mixing one quart of sweet whipping cream With a large size can of crushed pineapple and a pound of butter Then call in all your friends and neighbors to help you eat this simple meal Ladies and gentlemen, you have just listened to another weekly broadcast of memories of yesteryear Rochester wipe off my chin and get another station Ladies and gentlemen does your complexion suffer from tattletail gray Do the crow's feet around your eyes have fallen arches Do you have dandruff when you comb your hair do your shoulders remind you of a white Christmas Don't you try a bottle of simp of a soothing? Remember folks in but they spelled backwards is your tappamas That's pretty good stuff. Did you ever use any of that simp at the soothing syrup? Oh When the simp of a soothing syrup quartet will sing dance with the dolly Accompanied by Snoochie gets and the sweetest music this side of the La Brea tarp is New G get we've got a good band right there. See I just have time to listen to this and I'm gonna walk over to Mary's house Little doggy That's my own fall try to be nice to people Oh, hello Don You are yeah, I got that Christmas present you ordered for your sponsor. Oh the ash tray good good You haven't did you have it in grave like I told you to your jacket is on the side. See oh, yes to my sponsor mr Hill, I hope this ash tray you will fill and when you do just think of me And good ol LS MFT That stands for lucky strike an MFT means fine tobacco so season's greetings and the like to you and yours from little jackal Yes, by the way Jack, I hope you don't mind if it costs more than you expected I had a little music box installed in a music box. Yes I'll sponsor lovers see an ashtray with a music box as a swell idea. Let me hear it on okay Sweet George your phone Here's the drugstore. I think I'll go and try some of that sympathy soothing serum Seems to be good for everything and that's just what I've got Anyway, I've got a few minutes before I have to call for Mary What can I do for you sir, I like try a bottle of that sympathy soothing I Know Well, you know, this is rather an old-fashioned drug store old-fashioned. Yes, I wouldn't want this to get around but We still have some products in here that are spelled front where Yes Sympathy soothing sir. Oh the 10 cents I here you are. Would you mind give me a glass? I like try some of it right now. All right. I'll fix the correct. Don't worry I just bought one table spoon of this soothing syrup into this glass of water Now listen to it I'm saying sighs we give you a hip food Hello Frankie hi, Mrs. Sonatra fine say Jack don't forget you're gonna be on my program tomorrow night Oh sure, I won't forget see you tomorrow. Okay, so long. Oh by the way, Jack Do you know what I found out a lot? That's the not to spell backwards is our tennis Sorry Jack Why did I have to ask him to come on my program his jokes will probably louse up my singing? Yeah, sorry, I promise to go on as a program it's singing a louse up my jokes Oh gee look how late it is. I better go over and pick up Mary That I don't don't feel it out the time sweet Pardon me, Mr.. Benny. Yes, what is it honey? Oh well all the girls in my class in high school are collecting autographs and How do you like that? I only spoke to Frankie and I got some of it on me She'll come out of it all right. Yes, Miss Livingston expect me Pauline. Oh, yes come right in mr.. Benny is Miss Livingston ready yet No, mr.. Benny. I was just helping us please into it She'll be putting on exact net Why are women always late? Oh, there you are. May how come you're never on time when we have an appointment? What are you talking about exactly three o'clock now? Look? I thought you were cuckoo. I mean late. Oh to pick me up ten minutes ago So you're the one that's late. Well, I would have been there sooner But first I gave a girl an autograph and when I got to the corner here I gave an autograph to a little boy. Oh for heaven's sake Jack. Why don't you stop chasing him? I didn't chase him Back a little boy said that he'd be very happy if he could have the autograph of an actor as famous as I Naturally, I couldn't refuse such a request. Well, natch But Mary when I find my name the boy said oh, pardon me, sir I mistook you for someone else another actor. Yeah Mary who is vitamin flint hard? Playing jack, but vitamin flint hard. It's the same to snowflake as you are to me Well, thank you. I think Anyway, come on Mary. We won't get any shopping done. All right. I've got my car parked in the driveway Oh, say Jack Larry Stevens was here a few minutes ago looking for you He wanted you to hear a new song. He was gonna do on the program. Oh get in the car Mary What is the name of Larry's song? It's called a sleigh ride in July and it's from a new picture Bella the Yukon Darn, I wish I'd heard is a good number for our show. Oh, it's beautiful Larry sang it for me. It goes like this Drive carefully Mary not so fast. Slow down. Watch out. There's a red light now. It's green Now it's red again. They wait there are three red lights. No, they're green Though the red but they're three green lights, too. Hey, there's a blue. Yeah, put on your glasses. That's a Christmas tree Oh, yes, Merry Christmas I'll take it easy anyway, Mary. Don't drive so fast. Look out Slow down. You're trying this car to work. Oh, I'm down. Don't be so nervous. I can't help it I'm always fighting when I'm with a woman driver woman driver woman driver That's all you men always say woman driver this and woman driver that Mary I'm getting sick and tired of we women can drive as well as you men any day and lots of my girlfriends are better drivers and their Husband Mary I read in a magazine. We're scientists approved that women are better drivers than men Mary because they're less nervous and they concentrate on the road Mary the other driver called he didn't put out his hand, but Mary you crashed into the side of a house I kept trying to tell you for the last ten minutes. You've been driving on the sidewalk Good if you've smashed your fenders broken your grill and busted your headlights. So what month will give me more money for it now Anyway, there's a store across the street. We can leave the car here. Jack. We can't leave the car here We'll get a ticket a ticket where would he tie it? Let's go somebody standing on it Hey, Mary, let's not get separate you you've got my Christmas list I got to buy something for Fred Allen and the quiz kids, you know, they lived at my house Mary What have I got marked down for Rochester Rochester? Yes three little hanker kids No, yeah, I better make that an even four I wonder where the perfume counter is I want to get a present for my sister Florence Walker, yeah, I beg your pardon. Are you the floor walker? Yes and stop breathing on my carnation. It's not as rugged as I They're hard to get you know, I've kept this one for three years for three years How comes it looks so fair because it's growing out of my chest Anything else you want to know nosy I'm looking for the perfume counter. Where is it? It's straight down this aisle on the left There it is Mary. Let's go over and see I beg your pardon, Mr No me yes, what do you think I ought to buy my wife for Christmas? Well, I don't know besides that's a personal thing between you and your wife You ought to figure that out yourself figured out myself He says I've been rackin my brains and rackin my brains and knock my head against the wall and do I know about my wife No, I'm sorry, mister I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. You ask a guy a simple question. What did he tell you? Figure it out yourself. Figure it out yourself. That's fine Christmas spirit Come on, let's go to the perfume counter. All right, but you never get waited on the girl is so busy Well, I'll just reach over the counter and see what they have. Oh, no, you don't What I saw you trying to steal some perfumes. I wasn't stealing it. I just wanted to see but it was a luring at your age What difference does it take? I'm not trying to steal this perfume. I was only breathing on my car. I need to get out of here Oh, you're just mad because my eyes are bluer than yours They are not it's just a suit. I'm wearing And furthermore, what can I do for you sir? I'd like to get some perfume. What would you recommend? Well, we have a very popular brand called friendship 68 cents a gallon 68 cents a gallon. What do you think Mary the same as you the price is right I Didn't mean that I was thinking about my sister and walkie and I wonder if she'd like this bottle of perfume I'll pull out the car. She can smell it from here Hey miss, haven't you got something else? What's in that bottle over there? That's a new friend's perfume that just came in it's called laundry to do a treasured II see maintenant That sounds nice. What do that mean in English? Condensation of steam that's been forced to a motorman's love That's ridiculous. Come on there. Let's go to another counter. Oh, I beg your pardon, mister What do you think I ought to buy my wife for Christmas? Look, I can't tell you what to buy your wife You'll have to figure it out yourself. Okay. Okay. I'll figure it out myself Nobody wants to help me fine Christmas spirit. You think it was my fault that I'm married People in the store and I'm the one he had a pick on there Jack I want to buy something for my mother ask the floor walker where the ladies department is I'm not gonna ask that guy anything. Yeah, we'll never find it in this crowd. You better ask him. Oh, all right Oh, mr. Floor Walker. Yeah, that's my little bifocal, Yoko Hey, Mrs. Floor Walker, would you please tell me where the ladies department is it's right down at the end of it? That's over to your left. Thank you Come here you come over here. I can I'm looking for the ladies department You're wasting your time Jackson. They're all out of your glasses. You're making a spectacle of yourself Sorry, come on. Let's get away from here. So we'll wind up in a routine. I beg your pardon, mister What do you think I ought to buy my wife? I don't know for heaven's sake. Stop following me I don't care what you'll buy your wife for Christmas. Oh, you don't care, huh? Suppose I buy her something she doesn't like then she'll get mad at me and don't buy her anything Don't buy her anything. We've been married for 12 years. What are you trying to do break us up? I don't know what you're picking on me for. I've never seen your wife. What's going on here? Look, he's wife. What is your one? You little goopy with the droopy-toopy Don't blame me for this because it isn't my fault. This man came over to the stock trouble. I'm a peaceful home lover