 Check it, check it, check it, it's a unique house, it's your boy, E-C-E-O, and I'm here with the lovely official Miss Jamaica. What's going on, babe? None of my dad will walk on. Man, I don't even know. I just know that I came up here, and I came today, and I knew I was gonna be blessed. Cause I knew I had somebody coming that knew about God. So, you know, these are the easy interviews, man. Miss Anita Jawa, she's in the building, man. How let you? Hey, man! Hey, man, I'm good. How are you? Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm coming, I'm coming today, I'm here. I'm glad you're here. So, how you doing? I'm doing good, I'm doing good considering all things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're here. Amen, amen. So, you have to carry the baton? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. So, you know, are you from Dallas? I am not from Dallas. I am, I was born in Dallas, but I was actually raised in East Texas. Get outta here. So, I'm a country girl. Get outta here. What part of East Texas? I am right off of, it's behind Suffer Springs, Mount Pleasant, Pittsburgh. So, right off of I-30. Mount Vernon and some? Mount Vernon and some, uh-huh. What are you at over there? I mean, Williamsburg. It's like, 10 minutes from Mount Vernon. Yeah. And he, yeah, how'd you end up in Dallas? Because, once I graduated high school, I went to commerce. I went to commerce on a basketball scholarship. What? Oh, see, a lot of basketball. A lot of these girls come in here. We do basketball. Check it, man. Check it, man. Yes! You know what? I get tired of this, you know. These people come in here, ain't got no game. Fake pumpin' us. What? Yeah, I don't even know that. I was in basketball, really. Really? She said she was the one. Everybody got scholarships for it. Yeah, but what happened with me? Everybody got scholarships. You came up against me with that scholarship. Over in Houston, Texas, I never forget it. You know what? Yeah, and I checked that down. All of that was because, you know, men have this big ego. Yeah, yeah. That you have to sort of like, just sayin', you know. Agree with the show. Yeah, whatever you know what I'm sayin'. So, we have to let y'all. Women like. Yes. Give you permission to win. Women like. Exactly. Men like. Numbers don't. Jay-Z said that. Women like. Numbers don't. So, we know what happened. Uh-uh. We know that she gave you the deal. You know what? Get the calculators out. Yeah. So, you played basketball. What position? I played basketball. And played three and four. As short as I am. So, you thought you could do something? I could do something. Obviously, I got a scholarship. You know, that don't mean nothin'. Look at that. That don't mean nothin'. You probably knew somebody. Your family probably knew somebody. I'm not that listen, man. Anita, I'm not for to play with you in here. And I'm not, I didn't come to play. I didn't, you know I showed up today. At boss 101. I didn't come to play. At boss 101. At boss 101. At boss 101. Oh, boss 101. You better not forget to talk. Cause you doin' a lot of it today. I came to talk. All right. Man, you know that we started this almost six months ago. And it's been a blessing to people that we've had on this platform. You know, people that, we've seen people laugh in that seat. We've seen people cry in that seat. We have seen a lot of different things because we tackle a lot of different subjects. You know what I mean? So, you know, when she told me he was coming on, I knew what you've been through. I seen you, you know, and I know, I can, words can't explain what you had to experience, but God has a way of, he has his own way of doing things, right? It's his plan, right? So, you know, we have to be able to deal with things in a way to where we able to understand him from his point of view. Correct. So, you know, I know it's been tough. And sometimes you can't understand him from his point of view, yes it is. Sometimes you can't understand him from his point of view. Sometimes you just have to know that his purpose is greater than anything else, so you just have to go with the flow and trust him. So, how did you end up in Dallas again? You left commerce and then what happened? I graduated college in college. You did. I did graduate, praise God. Okay, praise God. No, but you want to go back before that. You want to go back when you were a kid. When you were swinging on the swing in the elementary school. I could care less, you know. I knew already that would be nothing interesting to me. You in the woods, okay? You don't know. What else should you be doing? You don't know. You don't know. Yesterday before that. Hold on, hold on. What? What did your dad do? He was a mechanic. That's not that exciting. Yes, it was. Okay, what's exciting about a mechanic? Because he can fix on everybody's cars. No. Everybody came for a conversation. Yeah, but did he really, did he really, was that alternator really bad? Yes, it was really bad. That starter really did. It was really bad. We don't know. It was really bad. I don't know about these mechanic. He could listen to your car and tell you what was wrong with him. He teach you how to do all the things he could do? He taught me how to change a tire. Okay. He taught me how to check my oil. And he taught me just how to just upkeep on the car. Wow. So when I was pregnant with our first daughter, Omni, I believe I was like six or seven months pregnant. My sister and I had a flat. Wow. And I changed that flat tire. So. Six months pregnant. Six months pregnant. Changed the flat tire. You ain't changed no tires. I can. No, you didn't. But I have you. I'm good. And I didn't have to change the tire because I had a husband. We had triple A. But it was just something. There's something about a East Texas person to make you want to change tires. That's what it is. I going to be honest with you. We different. We built different. Baby, ain't that what you say? Built. Yeah, that's right. We built different. We are. So East Texas in the building. Yeah, now I feel like we can do a real interview. We got real people in the building. I'm from East Texas too. Shout out to the people from East Texas. Shout out. The boy right here. He's been having a lot of people. Oh, I bring everybody out here. I talked to it. I talked to Freeway Ricky Ross and him today and he's from Tyler, Texas. I didn't even know him, but he live in LA. I said, man, you got to come on Boss Talk, man. Yes. He represents East Texas to the fullest. Wow. I didn't know that. We here now. Now we cool. You know, at first I wasn't trying to hear it, but now. So now I get the green light. Oh, whatever you want to say, go. Whatever you want to do. OK. So was your mom in your life as well? Oh, yes, my mom actually raised me. My dad and my mom separated when I was two years old. So my mom raised me. But your dad was still a part of your life. He was very much a part of my life. OK. Siblings? It's nine of us. Ooh, easy. Six boys and three girls. Were your mom or did? Both. My mom birthed five and the rest was from my dad. Wow. Huge family. And where do you fall in between? I am the fourth from the last child. OK. So I got a sister above me or I had a sister above me and a sister below me. And I got two brothers below me and the rest of my brothers are above me. Wow. So do you? Well, you got a lot of stories. You just told me you're a middle child, pretty much. Yes. So you have a lot of stories. As a child, what did you want to be growing up? I don't really. I can't remember exactly what I want to be. I just know that I didn't want to be what I saw around me. And what I mean by that, I didn't want to be left in. I didn't want to be talked about. I didn't want to be mistreated. That was your environment? Yes. I didn't want to feel threatened or violated because I saw that a lot. And it's crazy because I can remember when I was four all the way up like some things in my life. And I never forget that we stayed across the street from the cafe because, you know, we was in East Texas. Oh, really? Got a cafe over there. Could you go in it? Because some of them down there, we couldn't go in. No, I wasn't supposed to be in the cafe because I was a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no. There was some down there so bad you couldn't go in them. Right. We had one called a Kidder Cozy Kitchen with three caves. Oh, yeah, it gets deep. Keep going. Well, this particular cafe at night, it lit up back then. Wow. It lit up. And so my mom would go over there, and I would have a quiz with her friends. And so I would sneak out the house. I would leave my older brothers and sisters asleep. And I was curious as to see what was going on. I love the old school music. I just love interacting. So I would sneak over and I would hide underneath the pool tables in different rooms. I'm telling you, I was a very curious kid. Her juke joint baby. You know what I'm talking about? The juke joint baby is in the house. You never got caught? Yes, I did. I did get caught. And I got beat from there back to home. But I was there. That's a juke joint baby. Ain't nobody never heard of that, but we've seen it in Ray. You remember Ray? The movie Ray, Ray used to listen to that man play the piano? Yes. The juke joint baby. So I'm hiding out. I'm listening to conversations. All kinds of things are going on. You're like, whoa. I'm like, this is what I don't do? Oh my god. How were you then four or five? I had to be about, I started off at four, but at that time when I was starting to get caught, it was about six or seven. Yeah, you had an understanding stuff. So after you got caught, did you stop doing it or did you keep doing it? I kept doing it, but I wouldn't go inside. I would just look outside. To the window. I would get close enough to where I wouldn't be on, I wouldn't get caught, but I could hear. And it was certain conversations that of course, you know, you're not supposed to hear, but it just intrigued me. Yeah, that people would be doing this. Yeah. And then I would see different people that was married. Yeah. During the day. Yeah. And at night, there was somebody else. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It helped you to understand. It helped me to understand. And then I would see, even at that age, my mom never knew it, but I began to see drugs. I was in the exchange. I didn't know what they were at that time, but as I was getting older, I said, that's what the exchange was. That's what the money in the exchange, I didn't understand those things. And so still I didn't, still didn't understand what God was doing. I kept saying, God, why am I seeing these things? Why is this so intriguing? Why is this drawing me? I didn't know that that was birthing a ministry inside of me, you know, seeing these types of things and also being one that would be able to listen without judging. Yeah, yeah. Because oftentimes we see and we judge, exactly. And so it was teaching me that people can bounce back, that they won't always be this person and that we can talk them through. But as a kid, I'm going, why is this all? Man, this is crazy. Yeah. Because it seems like I was the only one that was seeing it. Yeah, yeah. Maybe because maybe I was the only child that was out there. You was, yeah, you was. Everybody else was at home like they supposed to be. But no, no, you was by yourself. Yeah, you was listening. And look, how far was your house from there? Right across the street. Right across the street, but you were good? Yeah, yeah. Because it was dark. It was dark. She get out the house at night. What was your mama at? She was there sometimes. Sometimes she was in the juke joint, too, wasn't she? Or she would be at bed and I'd figure out how to. Get out there. Yeah. But you had to see it. It was something in me that just, I don't know what it was. You know, when you're young like that, that didn't mean to cut you off. When you're young like that and you do go through things and you see those situations, I always tell the story about me being in the juke joint with my daddy. Yeah, but it wasn't a juke joint. It was a gambling shag. And he would be shooting dice and I'd be like, dad, let's go because I see him up on the dice. And he never would leave. When he'd be up on the dice, I'm like, let's go. I'm five, six years old. Yeah. And I'm like, come on, let's go. Like, let's go. But he would never leave. And I remember that. But like I said, I always tell a story. He got shot in the head there. And my other uncle got killed in that same place. So, you know, and then my other uncle burnt it down. So, you know, yeah, yeah, we. It's a level to this. Yeah, my dad had nine brothers, eight brothers and five sisters. It was nine boys and five girls. So I did it, you know, like when you young like that and you see it, then you see your mama shoot at your dad at about three, four years old. And boom, you know, you're young, but you're seeing all this. And it's like, wow, this is dope, you know, like this is great. No, it's like a movie, you know what I'm saying? But at the end of the day, there is a ministry in your testimony and the things that you go through. That's true. So, yeah, that's. And it's good now. So you was able to use that later on. You didn't know why the end. No, I didn't know why. But God opened your eyes later on. Let's go ahead with the story. But during the period of time when in the jupe joint and all of that, as you got older, because when you so curious looking at that, sometimes when we become of age or we can go to the jupe joint without our mom saying anything, did you end up going to the jupe joint to go hang out and be any of those people? I sure did. You frequent that afterwards. I get it. You just get through there and get on that pool table. I know I can beat him. Exactly. I've been sitting here for years. Yeah, I watched him. I know every movie he going to make, when he going to take a drink. I was watching. Yeah. And he be drinking a lot. Oh, OK. But at that time, 14, that jupe joint was not available. So I did go to another one. Of course, again, I had to sneak out because my mom wasn't playing no games with that. Yeah. And so. You were clubbing. Yeah, I was clubbing at 14. At 14, I was too. That's how it was in the country. Did you hear what I said? You were too? Yes. At 14, yes. No, at 11. At 11? That was my first time. And I used to ask the girl at 11. And I didn't even realize it was crazy. But they were like, 2019, would you like to dance? Yeah, yeah. And they say no a lot of time. But I got a few years. And I don't know how I looked out there. But I know I got out there with mine. And my uncle and me, they laughed at me at first. But at the end, I was a good dancer. You're a good dancer. It paid off after what? Yeah, I was at the Funkin' Roll Club, Bawana down in East Texas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never heard of that? Yeah, yeah, well, you was on, yeah, you was a church girl or something. It's on the 10-9, man. Yeah, it was on the 43. 43. Right there in Marshall, right coming out to our country. Remember, Rory was on here. The owner of the club was here. And I told him about how I was up in that thing. And that club has been there 43 years. Yeah, and Milly Jackson was the first guest. Shout out to my boy Rory for making it happen. No. Yeah, yeah, so we was young, yeah. But we got in there. We did get in there. And you used to have to swing your feet. See, you didn't slow dance and not swing your feet. You always had to swing your feet. No. We had a great time growing up. You know, those are the things that that history made me know how to understand how to communicate with people. And I didn't realize it at the time. No. The same thing you saying, you know, I was learning how to listen and communicate and learning how to know what to dodge in the streets, actually. And it helped out. It helped out when I, of course I say this later, but when I went on to college, that lifestyle got me prepared for college. That's right. So much of that lifestyle got me prepared for college because I wasn't one of those that soon as you enter to college, your parents are no longer around and then you get wow, you get loose, you do all kinds of things. I was so cool and collected. They was like, you going to a party? I'm like, I've been partying since I was 14. So yeah, I can go, but I don't have to be at the party. Exactly, because we know what that party do. Yeah. We already was going. It was already going. If I was going to Levin, it didn't surprise me. So it wasn't a big deal. Well, what about drinking? I'm like, I've been doing it. So I don't need it. If I decide to get it, I get it, but I don't, it's not like I just go out every night because I'm getting drunk because my parents are no longer around. Right. Yeah. That wasn't the case. It prepared you already. And I did too, because I was nine. I thought I was grown at nine. I was out there with my daddy working and acting like I was doing everything he was doing. And yeah, and then I go to the club too, because I get paid. It's like they get paid. Do you know what I mean? It's something else. It was different. So how many kids did you have when you and you was only married once? I was only married once. Praise God. Okay, how many years? How did y'all meet? No, no, no. How many years first? We were married for 20 years. Wow. June 21st would have been 21 years. 21 years. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And now let's go back to what you mentioned. How did y'all meet? How did y'all meet? We actually met when I was 16 years old. And it was strange because I wasn't supposed to be at my sister's wedding, because remember I told you my sister, my sister passed away May 27th this year, right after my husband did. A few months after my husband. So her wedding, I was the maid of honor. Okay. But I wasn't gonna be the maid of honor because we were in basketball because I was so good, we went to state. Mm, they went to state. She was so good. She was so good. Oh yeah? Yeah, but one person out of five, I'm the one made it happen. I'm arrogant about it because I know if it hadn't been for me being on that team, they most likely wouldn't have made it to the state. That's what she said, guys. I'm messing with you, okay. No, but I wish I could get you out there with a basketball ever in your life. I'll call you. Yes, I'll call you. If I ever catch you out there, I don't want you looking at me. It's good because I'm holding it right now. If you catch me right now, I'm holding it. No, but so, go ahead. Okay, so we ended up coming back from state because we played in the first round and we got defeated. Wait a minute, see, I don't like you. See, I'ma tell you why I don't like you. Because you said we ended up coming back before you say we lost. Yeah. I don't like that, you know what I'm saying? You caught it, didn't you? She played in the real game. Yeah, we ended up coming back. Yeah, you came back. Yeah, that white girl probably put that bam-bam on you. Awesome sister, it could have been either one of them, but you could wait up there. No, I was the only black girl on my team. Oh, well, that's why. Them other sisters, you found four more sisters out there. You found four more sisters out there. You like, they, I thought we was ready. That was not the case. Who did y'all lose to, if you don't mind that? I don't remember. Are you gonna set that play to you like that? She's like, I'm not too. You know what? No, really, really, I don't remember. Listen, man. I put that to the back of my brain. I see that, you know. That day, in state. In state. You don't remember. I put it to the back. You know what, man? It was a long time ago. I know girl, them girls whooped up on her. She had dreams about it afterwards during that time. I did, but. I don't remember the teeth. Okay, good. What color did they wear? Ah, they were white. I do remember that. See, you're trying to invest again. But I do not know the name. That was white, though. No, man. That's where Pat, my home's finished playing at. I am not with you, man. No, so when y'all came home after y'all got defeated. Yeah, that's the way I see it. No, we came home. After we came back, then we had lost. No, you got defeated, and they sent you home. Let's just tell it how I went. We gotta let that go. We're not gonna let that go. Stephanie, I'm not letting that go, okay? Just so you know. So when you came back after being just slaughtered down there. No, but. Okay, let's get to the wedding. You taking it so far. Let's get to the wedding. After I came back. Go ahead and say it. It's okay. I'm not saying that after I came back. After you came back, what happened? Your mom and them let you cry on their shoulder because it was hurting. Yes, it sure was. I know it hurt. It sure was. It hurt. And then the wedding. That was a woman though. And then the wedding. Okay. Let's get to the wedding. So at this wedding, which was a beautiful wedding, was at, this is so crazy, but this is just like God. So my sister had her wedding at my husband's church. My husband and his, it was my husband's father. So my father lost church. That's where the wedding was. So my husband's on one end and I'm on the other end. So we kind of passed each other. We waved and it was like, okay. So afterwards, of course, at the reception, he asked for a dance. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, okay, no. I didn't give him a dance. I didn't give him a 16. And how old was he? He was 19. Okay, he like you at that point. He say, I seen my angel kind of like I did you. Yeah, go on, go on, bro. No, no, no. But yeah, he didn't want to dance with you for nothing. He trying to get it started. Let's go. So anyways, that was the first time that I saw him. So once I got in college, at that time, my husband was married at the time that I first met him. Oh. So I didn't know it. At 19. At 19, he got married early. Wow. And so later on, when I was in college, he maybe about two years after, I think the marriage only lasted two years. So when I was in college, we met again. Coincidental, which was not, because my brother-in-law at that time set that up. Oh, okay. I found out later that it was kind of a set up. And so from that point on, we were touching and staying in touch. So when I graduated from college, I came back. I came, or I moved to Dallas. And so I started going to my sister's church. So once I was in the church, my brother-in-law at the time said, she saved for real this time. So because my husband was an ordained minister. So he was doing a back to school, back to Christ concert. And I just so happened to be the youth leader at my church. So of course I'm calling, you know, can we get some tickets and whatnot? He was like, okay, okay, I'll bring him to you. I said, well, you can just meet me at the gas station. He was like, I'm not a drug dealer. I don't just pass out tickets at the gas station. I can come over. I'm like, well, I'm single. I don't do stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. So, but anyways, he came over. And when he came over, it was so funny because I opened my door and I had the, you remember those change locks? So I had the change lock on the door. So this brother thought he was getting in, but that change lock stopped him. Yeah. Okay, hello. What do you need? So I was looking at him. He was like, no, I really got the tickets. And I got something else for you. I said, I need to see everything that you have. I need to see it all. He was like, I stopped by and I got some veggie burgers. I'm like, I'm not a vegetarian, I eat meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, please, I'm just trying to just introduce you to something else. And just so happened on that particular day, I was fasting. Wow. So, you know, in my mind, I'm like, he the devil. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not ready to give up. I'm like, he the devil. But anyways, from that point, he came in and we began to date. And not even a year later, nine months later, we wed. Amen. And we stayed together up until his transition. Amen. You know, I heard a lot about Bishop Oldmore. I never knew him to the day that Corey said here and he had sent me his picture before that because he's like, he, after we talked on the phone, you got to meet all these people. Like, because we our spirits connected. You know, he, it was, because I get to talk about God and stuff. Like, get a little excited and talk about. You talking about God? Yeah, a little bit, just a little bit. Okay. And my testimony, you know, started talking about it. And yeah, and he was like, you got to be Bishop. We got, he just telling about everybody. What's the other God name? The one that was there the other day. And Tong. All of them, OGU. You got to get in here. We need, you know, I said, well, that's all right. Let me think about this here. You know how I am real particular about people. They don't know what they're doing, but I'm going to try to figure out God. Is this what I need? I don't do groups where God, you know, I get kicked out. I'm like, Paul, I get kicked out. I don't play with them. If you ain't making a change, I'm going to show you how to change it. Right. Right. Am I like that? I will get kicked out because I don't, I want to see change happening. We can change this if we do it. Right. Not if we just talk about it and preach to each other. I don't like that. He don't like that. I'm very serious about action. Yeah, I'm about that action. You heard him say, I'm about that action. So I mean, like we got to do something. And so that's my most thing, the thing that I deal with a lot. And he said, no man, you just check it out, man. And, you know, I'm going to come on the show and I say, man, we'd be happy to have you. You know, and that's how I met. But, but he definitely was about Bishop Omore. That was his thing, man. That was his fearless leader is where it came off to me. Yes. This guy leads us and we go out and do things. And I met him. I was at a nightclub and I met this other guy and I heard the whole story. Yes. And I was like, you know what, man? That sounds like something, somebody trying to get people in the situation where they can help the community is what you think. But there's a lot of different organizations that seem to be something that they're not. So I'm still just leery about everything. You know what I mean? Because I don't want to waste time because I don't have a lot of time. We don't have, we don't know. You know what I'm saying? We don't know. And we act as if we can take life for granted, but we can't. No. So we have to do things in a strategic way that to where we respect God. Right. And what he would help us to do. So that's how I look at things. So, but definitely, man, I heard a lot of great things about him. I seen him, he was on a billboard, I believe. Yes. 45, you don't want a 45, yes. Yeah, I've seen that too. So, you know, it's things like that to stick out to me because at the end of the day, man, it had to be something good about Bishop O'Mara for people to be so even touching skin. Them guys down there, they was on there too. Different people have come on this platform and have really lifted up the fact. And then the day when we was on that show with Cory, we seen him speak. So that had to be tough. You know, I think about Coretta Scott King when she had to deal with Martin Luther King after he passed away. And I just look at the way that the monuments continued to go up. And she had to deal with this every day, this reality that her husband began to blossom as I believe a prophet does or one does that's really called to God that's willing to give up his life for the sheep. Right. You see what I'm saying? That's a different level of leadership when you willing to lay down your life for the sheep. And I believe my husband did that. I know he did that. You see what I just said? Well, I can go there. That's why I got to pull up. I better pull up because I get happy. But it's real, you know, because there's so many people in leadership that just do their hirelings. Come on. They're not willing to lay their life down, you know. They just howling when the wolf coming, they says they'll flee. So we have to understand who we are in leadership and why we get into places we get in so that we'll be able to be good at what we do. So we need to be really, really aware of what our calling is. That's true. So I don't play with it. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, yeah, I get kicked out. That's what I'm telling you. And the people that I deal with most of the time are people that people wouldn't know. They say, you know, he was on your show or you gonna let him come? Do you tell him what to say? Did you, I don't do none of that because Jesus meet people where they're at. He never, yeah, wherever they was at, he met them there, you know. If you was bleeding and a woman and you wouldn't pose a touch of me, let you touch him. You know what I'm saying? If you was blind and everybody else said, be quiet, blind, barter, may else he would still say, hey, yeah, yeah, let him come on up. You know what I'm saying? Or anytime that there was interaction going on or the woman that basically dropped a water pot, you know, he would make time to be with people you wouldn't expect. So I feel like the platform that I'm on, I don't put no stipulations on it because I feel like I'm the light that'll lead them out of darkness. So I don't play with it. You know what I'm saying? Because I know my ministry is to help people and how can you help somebody if you steadily putting up all these blocks and I can't do it and I won't do it and I ain't gonna get out like that. So you could have came in here cussing and fussing with your little ministry that I used to do up at that jupe joint. I still would have let you sit down. You know what I'm saying? Well, look at God. But now I know you had to be, you know, that had to be a deal where, to me, you know, for you to have to endure it. Like I say, like a Coretta or, you know, it has to be tough when you're dealing with somebody that has that much influence like that. That's why I spoke on it like I did because I know that that influence pretty much is something that you still have to deal with every day cuss people are gonna say. They bring it up every day. The billboards going up and the people are talking and when they see you, they used to seeing him. So that's just it. And God has prepared you. God has prepared you. And to be with someone who all that time was leading and dealing with people, he had to, you had to be aware. Like I pray with my wife and I know it's gonna come a time when one of us gonna have to get out of here. You know what I'm saying? But what did I do when I had the opportunity? That's what really mattered. You know what I mean? That's it. So that's golden. Very much so. So you got that steel, you know? So you, but you're a beautiful lady. Thank you. You better be glad I ain't single. Man, we go back to that juke joint. You know what I'm saying? No, but. He had been delivered. That's right. So how do you deal with him being gone? Because there's so many people who are watching who have lost, have lost a loved one or is losing a loved one, a husband, a child and can't deal with it. I would say that my faith has been activated now more than ever. And as you said earlier, is that God prepared us. So even before he transitioned, God was preparing both of us. And I thank God for that, that he just didn't leave us unknowingly. We didn't know the exact time. We didn't know the exact date. Don't get me wrong with that. But along the way God was showing us and God was even, because we do a daily prayer at six a.m., a corporate daily prayer. And God was showing us even with that, like when the pandemic first hit, he said that it was gonna be hard, but that he was gonna give us the grace to get through it. And I didn't quite understand it. When he gave it to me early one morning, I'm like, I don't understand this God. But he said the more and more he kept talking to me, he said, I need for you to come closer to me. I need for you to find out more time. And this is gonna be an unusual time, not only for you, but for the world. And so God just kept showing us and just kept talking to both of us. And in doing that time, Bishop said, okay, I'm gonna start doing Heal America even the more. I'm gonna go every month somewhere else. And I was like, no, you can do it at home. You can do it in the studio. He said, I can't, I can't. He kept saying, I can't, I'm gonna run out of time. I just, I can't. And I didn't understand what he was talking about the time. I thought he meant, hey, I'm gonna run out of time, momentum, I'm gonna get too old for it. I didn't understand that he was talking about God's timing for his life. And I don't even know if he understood all of that. But he kept saying, I gotta go, I gotta go. And every city we went, as a matter of fact, the Heal America that was in Dallas was last year on June 24th, 2020. That's our wedding date. Wow, wow. And so when he said, I gotta do it and I gotta do it this date. I said, we're not gonna celebrate. He said, we're gonna celebrate afterwards. But we're gonna do the Heal America. That's right, that's right. We're gonna do the Heal America. And I was like, okay, well you wanna do it? And I was like, and God said, shut up. Listen, just shut up. And so it was doing those times where I wanted to say something. I wanted the Anita to come out. And God said, no, because I got him. I got him. And God kept saying, I got him. And I didn't know what that meant. But he was just going from city to city to city. And so October came up. And I never will forget, October came up. And this is when we both contracted COVID. And October 12th was the first day that he ended up from an urgent care to an emergency room. And that was the last day. That was the first and the last. He ended up in the hospital and did not come out of the hospital to March 11th when he transitioned. But the October 12th was when he flew out of town. He was in another city in a whole other state. And so we were apart two weeks. He's fighting for his life and he didn't realize how much I was fighting for my life. Because of course I didn't wanna call him because I felt like he was in a worse condition. And he had different things that were already going on in his body. And so I stayed at home and I stayed away from my children, which our baby girl did get it, but she didn't have any symptoms. And so we walked through that, got through that. And so I wasn't even cleared by the doctor before I boarded the plane. The doctor said, do not get on the plane because we don't know. And I said, well, I gotta go see about my husband. And so the moment that I got there, one thing led to the other and I was able to go in. They had cleared him because he was already in the medical induced state at that time. And so I was the first person to see him to lay hands on him, to touch him, to kiss him and all of that. And then we stayed there from that time all the way up to December 23rd. We finally got the green light for him to travel back to Dallas, which was Careflight, which was really, we prayed through that. We had prayer warriors all around the country praying because that wasn't, the doctors wanted to do it, but they didn't wanna do it because his condition wasn't all the way better, but it wasn't worse, but it wasn't all the way. And the air could have did anything to his lungs. It was a lot of things going on. But we managed to do that. We came back. My daughters wanted to be back here for Christmas because when I moved, they moved. So they're in school, but they're doing virtual online. One is at high school, one is in college. So everybody world shifted. No one was doing the same thing. His parents was there. His sisters, our older son was there. I love the support. Yeah, it was a lot of support there. And so we're staying in the hotel. We're not staying in the house. We're not staying with people. We're all in the hotel room. I know. And so we're eating hotel food. We're going to Walmart to buy some clothes, or we're trying to find a mall to get some more clothes, because we're thinking week by week we don't know if we're gonna come back home, or something else is gonna happen. But we're yet holding on to our faith. And so people from around the country, like I said, we're calling, taking up fast, doing all kinds of things. And so December 23rd, we landed here back in Dallas. And so we were here up until March 11th. And we had so much favor at the particular hospital. They were not letting everyone in, but they not only allowed us in, they allowed us to have access to my husband 24 hours a day, seven days a week. So that meant that I could spend the night with my husband. He could sleep in his bed, and I could sleep on the cot or whatever. I had stayed so long to where I went out and I asked my assistant to buy me a cot. So brought the cot in, and I could stay there at night with him just to make sure he was good. And then the food, he wasn't able to digest, he wasn't able to take. So went out and purchased the food, brought it back in, and I made his food every single day. Make sure that he was bathed. I didn't ask the assistants to bathe him, I bathed him. It was a lot of things that the nurses and the staff were doing and could have done, but I just did it. And I didn't want to wait. Sometimes I pressed the button, you know how they get. Cause they got a lot of other patients, a lot of things going on. And then at this time it's a lot of people. It's a lot of people. So I would just normally do it. And when I would take my breaks, it'd be so funny that he would have somebody call me and say, call my wife. You know, he couldn't really talk with, that's what he would get out. And they would, and I'm like, I'm coming back, I'm just taking a break. I got a shower, I got to do this. But it was just- He wanted you by his side 24 seven. Yes, he felt that protection. And he felt that connection as well. Right. And I thank God for that. And so he did go on, but the day before he went on, we were on our prayer call. And God gave me this as if he was standing right before me. And the scripture says that, what can separate you? What can separate you from me? And is it death? Is it life? Is it this? Oh, it's update. Yes. So he gives me that. And I'm thinking this for somebody else. I didn't know less than 24 hours, it was actually for me. Yeah, yeah. And so with that being said, of course I was devastated. Of course my heart was broken. Of course I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't, I felt like I couldn't move because my heart was ripped out of me. My very soulmate, the one that I promised to be with for the rest of my life. And I would always tell him, I love you beyond my last breath. And this is not just a temporary love, but this is a forever love that I have for you. And he would say the same thing. I love you Anita. He called me Faye, Anita Faye, that's my nickname. And so it was so overwhelming to be in this seat. And before he even, before we had children, we were having a talk one night and I said, I'm looking forward to us having children, but I'm not looking forward to raising children by myself. And he said, where did that come from? I said, because my dad died when I was 19 years old. And you work just, you remind me so much of my dad. You take care of everybody, you work hard, you make sure everybody is okay. You're not judgmental, you're loving, you're kind, you show up, you go to court for people you don't even know, you give, you come back out of speaking engagements and you stay up all night, you go fix somebody's tire, all of these kinds of things. Oh, he'll go pay somebody to go fix a tire. But he wasn't in that kind of business, but he just kept going and he would work untowardly. He would be up all kinds. So I was asking him this. And he was like, no, no, no, I'm gonna be here. Well, just so happened to be, we have a 19 year old that's getting ready to turn 20. He passed at the same age that my dad passed with the same months. So my 19 year old actually experienced the very same thing that I experienced as a 19 year old in college, because I was in college. And after my dad's funeral, I went back to college and I did the thing that I didn't say at the beginning, but I made the worst decision that I could have at that time. I gave up my love of basketball. The full scholarship, I gave it back to the college. I said, I can't play because my dad's not here. I have no reason of living. And so because I did that at 19, now that I'm in my 40s and my husband has gone on to be with the Lord, I knew better to do that. I knew better to backtrack. I knew better than go back because I already been there, done that. I knew what that was. I knew that crazy world. I knew that world that God brought me out of because I was this close to having a sentence and going into a prison system, basically. If somebody just would have said, yes, she did it, then I would have been gone, because I did do it, you know? And, but with my husband, God was preparing and doing that time after he transitioned, I was totally broken. I was totally devastated. But what kept me was my faith. What kept me was the people that scripture that says the prayers of the righteous avail of much. That scripture, I knew people were praying for me. When I couldn't audibly pray for myself, I'm a prayer warrior. I couldn't audibly pray for myself. When I felt like I was drowning in my own tears, when I felt like I wasn't able to be or sufficient enough to even be a parent at that time. Because I was crying and I was waddling and my soulmate, the one that you think that you're gonna grow old, you're gonna be 70, 80 years old when both of us are in our 40s. And here it is, this man is gone. Not just sick like he was in the hospital, but gone. Physically, now spiritually I know he's still here. But the physical part of him is gone. And so it was so much of me walking with God and getting back up. But what kept me the most was that I didn't have one counselor, I got two. Cause I knew I needed some people to walk me through. There were some questions that I knew I had it that I had that I had to get answers to. And it wasn't just putting on a facade. It just wasn't, just pray about it. It wasn't just one of those things. Cause we can say pray about it for anything. But after you prayed, then what? Yeah, yeah. You said the fervent prayer of a righteous man developed much. That's what you was saying. Yes. You know people were praying for you. And I like what you said about Romans chapter eight, how who can separate us from the love of God? No depth, no height, no personality, no things in the past, nothing to come. You know, nothing can separate you. Nothing. And this is something that we have to hold on to. You know, that's the most important thing. But you know, this is where, you know, when we really look at things and what God has laid out before us, you know, like I said, I value the times that I have with a person, you know, so much because we don't know. You know, sometimes I go to extra mile and doing extra things because people do pass on. You know what I mean? Right. You know what I mean? That's true. It's time. And all you can do is love. That's it. That's all you can do is love. You know, that's the most important thing. It's love. I use death as, if you're still here, you use it as an example of what you need to be doing in your life. Meaning, when I lost my dad, I can't hold on to memories of us going, hunting, fishing, I'm doing certain things. And this life makes you, or America, you would say, makes you want to work all the time to create a future for your kids. Money, money, money. You know what I mean? And not really spend as much time with them. Oh, you want to do basketball? Okay, I'll get somebody to take you over here. I'll drop you here, but I'm going to go here because I got to still go to work. I got to do two jobs. I got to do this, dude, to provide a good future for you. But at the end of the day, when you go, you leave all this money, but they can spend it off, leave it. You don't leave all that values with them. You don't leave all the memories. And I tell everybody, I said, as much as, yes, your memories can go because of Alzheimer's, God is still not a wicked guy where people who have Alzheimer's still remember when they were young. So all their memories are gone. They still remember those foundation years. You know what I mean? So if you can spend that time really, like I tell our kids all the time, I said, tomorrow is not promised. You can go, I can go. I'm not only helping them, but I'm helping myself because that's have no age. So by talking about this to the ones you love, you're preparing yourself that if they might go, and no matter how much you prepare yourself, you still can never prepare yourself for that time, but it does help speaking about it and telling people what your wishes are. Like if I go tomorrow, I would like for you to move on with your life, don't soak, move on, because life is here. There's a reason you're still here and I'm not. So remember all the times that we've had together and use that to move on, raise the kids, things like that. Don't forget those times, but you have to move on because whoever, we would never want a person to sit down and not because if you had went before him, you wouldn't want him to sit down and not. You know what I mean? So people need to always still look at things like that. If it had went the other way around, what would you want for that person? I don't want him to grieve, keep grieving for about five, 10 years honestly. No, I definitely, I definitely get where you're going. But if something happened to me, I want you to just make sure, be respectful. You know what I'm saying about how you move on, just be respectful, don't just move on because I need you to think about it for a minute. No, but I definitely know that this is real life story. And it's real life. As a matter of fact, my husband said this, he said it openly at the pulpit and with us talking, he said, if I go before you, this is how I want you to do. I want you to fall out at the funeral. I want you to cry. I want my whole family to cry that whole day. Do not have a quick and short funeral. Remember me, I am somebody. Yeah, yeah. And that's what he said. Then he said, and when you decide to move on, just know I'm coming back. I'm gonna punch you. Did you fall out? No, I didn't fall out, I almost, but I did. No, it's something when that person is a part of you. The Bible tells you that the two become one. You become one. And it's true. It's like you lost a kidney or something. It's tough. But God is a good God. And God is bigger than anything we could think. Anything we could fathom. He's God, he's omnipotent. That's right. So you really can't even get on his level to even know what's going on with him in that way, just in ways that he opened up and let you see. Right, right. So you have to really, you have to really stay prayed up, man. You have to really continue to keep that connection with God through the Holy Spirit. And through his word. Through his word. Yeah, if you don't, then you end up losing power. I always say that you lose power when you don't keep that connection. You know that. That's right, that's right. So how do you, so how's the ministry, I have to get into that. Like how did you guys further the ministry? After Bishop's gone, what happens? Is a church that was involved with this? Yes, yes. Okay, and many churches, if he's a bishop, you know, I read a little bit and I know tradition. I'm not a traditionalist. I'm gonna tell you that now. But I know tradition. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I very much talk against a lot of things. I'm gonna be real. That's what you're dealing with here. Okay. But I know how it transitions, how do people circulate and how the bishop is supposed to be blameless? Yes. Yeah, the husband of one wife. Amen. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, I know what it says. So what happened with this, you know, with the church and how did it, but how did it make, how did things turn out? Okay, it was actually one of the hardest things for us to do as a church. We had to grieve while we were healing. And that was so, that was so heavy on the church. You had to grieve while you was healing? Yes. I'm with you. And some of the members actually, some have come back and some have not come back. Yeah, I get it. Because it's hard. It's very hard. And because there is a new pastor there, which I'm the pastor now. Okay. And so, and I just think that's hard. You know, it's hard on them because that's the voice that you're used to hearing. That's the person that you're used to hearing. And not to see or hear that person, it's devastating. It's devastating. And then as far as our kingdom covenant of churches, they waited 90 days and they had to select a new bishop. And so the bishop is now sitting in the seat. And so that part of it is going on. And the local part, I'm the pastor over K-War here in Dallas. And so God has built that platform for us. We dare not give up, give in. There was times that where I was telling the church and some of them already knew, but it was the times where that's all we had. And what I mean by that is that my husband was an owner, a boss, a CEO, a vision regeneration and now urban specialist. But in the twin time, that was our foundation. That was what we had. And we gave it all, literally. Some of our things at home was not taken care of. We sacrificed a lot to make sure that we could bring forth and burst the ministry. And so I didn't want that part to die. I didn't, I felt like that was very much a part of us. Not just so much as him, but us, both of us. And so I prayed, God gave me the instructions and here am I. All right. Here am I, I don't know at all. Here am I, Lord, send me. Yeah, here am I. I don't have all the answers. I am not Bishop Omar Maligua-Jawa, by no means. You don't boast to me. I am Pastor Anita-Jawa. That's right. God is giving me the instructions for such a time as this. Amen. Amen. I mean, you know, he can use you. He used a mule in the Old Testament. He can use you. Okay. He can use you. He said, if you don't, if you stopped him from crying out the rocks. The rocks are crying out. He can use you. That's true. His name. Jawa. Jawa. It is not only just that, the middle name as well. It seems almost like an African name. Is that where they got that name from? Not they, he. He. He got that name. When I said they, I meant his lineage from his father and his grandfather. No, no, no. No, no, no. He changed his name. He changed his name. I checked you out. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you. Yeah, he changed that name when he was 19 after the birth of the first son and the first son's mother. So our son is actually Omar Maligua-Jawa the second first and then my husband changed his name because it was legal in courts. So the court, he had to go through the court, but during the birth of his son, you know, you can just change it at the hospital. Really? Yeah, you can just change it at the hospital. I didn't know that. So the son is actually the first one, then my husband. Wow. So it's the opposite, it's the opposite. So he wanted to change his name. He wanted to change his name. He wanted a name that was meaning. He wanted a name that was fulfilling, but he wanted a name also that meant purpose. Okay. And so he changed it and the rest is history. It wasn't easy because his birth name is Omar Tawan Jefferson. So his father name is Larry Jefferson. Mother name is Rosetta Jefferson. Siblings, all of their last name is Jefferson, but he's a Jawa. So it's like we are Jefferson's, but we're also Jawa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I like it. So. So I can dig it. Yeah. You can dig it. I'm picking up what you're putting down. You know what I'm saying? No, I always get, but I definitely, I get it man. You know, you special, you know, you pastor now. So you're reading a lot and you're praying a lot more, reading a lot more. Yes. Did you and him ever discuss this happening for you being a pastor or were you a pastor when he was alive? We did discuss it and he did appoint me as the pastor, but it wasn't official because we were waiting on the date and then waiting on the date to have the official ceremony. Of course, COVID came in. We were not able to, but we did discuss it. And his idea, our idea was for him to travel to do Hill America and then to go around the country planning churches. Okay. So that he would come back to the home church on the first Sunday of every month. Okay. And then the rest of the Sundays, I will be a pastor and teaching. Wow, wow. So you guys, how did you guys, I know you were going through before, before he had gotten sick, COVID was going on before he had gotten sick. Correct. So when you guys had to pretty much go virtual or talk to people without being around them, how was that for the church? Cause that church have been through a lot. Yes. Up until this point. Yes. Those people, you know, cause I don't do the church thing without saying to people. The people. Yeah, yeah. Because I know that the word Ecclesia, it means to be called out from among them. Right. So those people that you guys are dealing with, in that auditorium, they've been through a lot. A lot. You know, because they had to go through COVID, then they had to go through the situation with Bishop Omar, and then they had to go through the transition of his transition, then you transition in his pastor. Yes. So that's a lot. That's a whole lot. Lot to unpack. But God. But God. So you got to say but God. But God. But God. He's the one that can make it all right. And he was the one at the beginning, and he's the alpha and omega. So you good. But that faith word that you keep using, you say by my faith got me through, I love it when she say that, cause I know she's connected. And that's the part that's gonna get us all through. Right, right. It's the faith. And being connected. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Having that faith in God is what keeps us going. I definitely am enjoying this conversation. I knew I wouldn't play with you. Cause I know you'll get on here and go to, this'll be all about God and nothing else. No balance. Just God and no podcast. No false talk 101. Just God. And we got a balance to stay out. You know what I'm saying? God put this platform here, you know? No. So we got to make sure. What God? There you go. You know, so I mean, you know, we definitely enjoy these conversations. We've had three. But almost every- This is gonna come out on a Sunday. I always do these on a Sunday. Okay, good. When it's, you know, that way, that way people that they watching the show, they waiting on the half pine films or something. They don't drop this here on them. You know what I'm talking about? They waiting on the run. Almost every episode that we have, we always interject God somewhere in it. We always talk about him. It's life. It's life. It's life and God is the reason for the season, you know? Right. And because you have a relationship with him, it's not just a religion. It's personal. Exactly. Very personal and very- And we think our platform, or we know our platform is here to help the people who are listening because there's so many people out there who are glued to their phones or TV, watching YouTube and looking for answers or somebody could tell their testimony and that person is going through the same exact thing and was about to whether commit suicide or do something crazy. But because of what this person said, it helped them to move on through the situation. Yeah, I've got those calls, you know, where a person say, yeah, that touched me before this platform, just me cutting up, you know what I'm saying? But the thing I can say is it's a beautiful thing when you're giving your story and there's somebody else out there. There's couples out there who lost their life before they even got to five years. In college. That's true. All type of stuff. That's true. Pastors out there who things, you remember the one that got killed in the church when a boy came in there? Look at, you know, there are just things, life is something else, man. Right. And it was right. It was strange. Well, I say it's strange, but I know it was nobody, like right before all of this went down, my friend asked me to be a part of the 10 preying women. I believe I can't think of the name of it off the top of my head, but Bishop Jakes had a book come out in October. And one of the women that she gave me was Anna. Okay. And so when she called, I called her back. I said, why are you giving me profits as Anna? Anna's a widow. I'm very much married. That's it. Yeah, I said, I don't think I need to talk on Anna. Is anybody else? She said, I prayed about it. And when she said, I prayed about it. I said, okay, I'm gonna study it and I'm gonna seek. I said, now you do realize there's only two verses about Anna in the Bible. That's right, that's okay. So, and she was a widow. Yeah. So that's really not my story. She waited on Jesus, didn't she? Yeah, she was waiting. And so I spoke on it in October. A few weeks ago, I spoke on it from experience. Wow. And it was totally different. And I could feel my help coming on. Like, you know, I could feel it because it was from the place to where she had only been married for seven years. And now she's a widow for the rest of her life. Yeah. And she kept waiting, like you said, she was waiting on the promise. But she knew exactly when Jesus showed up out of all of the babies, out of all the boys that came to the temple, she knew exactly why, because she stayed with God. Amen. And she stayed in a relationship, not just a religion, not just, she didn't just show up at the temple and gossip and talk and woe is me and I'm a widow and I'm strange. And because back then being a widow was not the talk of the town. Because they felt like he was outcast, people had to take care of you because you didn't have any one and she didn't have any children. So, you know, we don't know if she had a desire to have children, but just imagine if she did have the desire and every day you had to be reminded that your husband was gone, but also that you was a motherless mother. Yeah. But you still remain with God. Yeah. And so with all of that God was just, he was showing me again, I got you. I got you. I had you back then and I got you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is a place for a woman that goes through, you know, husbands, the Book of Ruth, all of these different. Yeah, I thought about it when she was talking to me too. It's just God is extraordinary. And like I said, you know, you know, we don't know what the next movie is. He does. He does. You know what I'm saying? So all we got to do is just what? Pray and wait and fast like you talked about earlier. I was very intrigued by the fact that you said you was fasting when he came over. They tell me you was doing things then and get, you know, out of flesh and get the spirit closer connected to God. Now one perfect, but I was trying. No, no, no. Baby, you was at the juke joint two days before that. So we know. You ain't got to tell us that. Nobody's perfect even until now. You know what? Listen, man, ain't nobody perfect and that's something I try to definitely let people know and they can talk to God. You know what I mean? That's because sometimes we put people. So we so far up here that we forget where we came from. They don't tell those stories about being over there at the juke joint and over in commerce letting people in the dorm. I mean, you didn't say that, but, you know, I'm just saying, look at it, look at it. But I'm just saying, you know, they don't think about those parts and they hide them from their children and everybody else and they don't give them, you know, they don't give them those testimonies that could help them. Right. Therefore they don't even talk to them. The communication dies because they're not being real with them. And the kids can sense the children or the young people, they know when you're trying to play them. They're not going to talk to you because they know you playing. Exactly. You see what I'm saying? And so they not staying at all. So what do you think is the thing that if you could talk to a woman that had, it's real early, but still, if you had a chance to talk to a lady that do they have a little committee or somewhere the women that lost their husbands are talking or? They do have them. You never dealt with it though. No, I never dealt with it. Okay, but what would you tell a woman that had to go through the same thing that you went through? What I would tell her now that I'm able to talk because to be honest, if this had been a week, two, three months ago, I wouldn't be able to talk. But I make it easy. I don't play. Let's go. You should have just came seeing me. We'd have had a good time. I'd have made you forget everything. You'd be like, Yeah, you probably would have. Yeah, because that's what God knew for me. He helped me to make people smile. I know my gift. What's yours? Again. I'm making people feel comfortable. Yeah, I get it. You make me feel comfortable. I don't know about everybody else. I'm not. But what would you tell her though? I would tell her to, again, her faith. I would tell her to be open, honest and transparent. When it comes those times, when it comes up on you to grieve, to allow the tears to flow, do not hold back. Do not try to be stronger than what you really are. And you're gonna have those good days. You're gonna have those times to where everything is gonna remind you of that husband, the smell, the touch, the taste. When you turn on a bathroom light, when you go and you sit in your car because you know, hey, I'm gonna get that phone call from my boo in 10 minutes. All of these things, driving by the gas station, I used to not have to pump my gas. My husband made me meet the gas. So all of these triggers will come in but you have to say, okay, well, God, I thank you for those memories. That's good, that's good. And it was the father's day. This year was the first father's day. So we went to, I took the girls to Hawaii. So we're all the way in Hawaii on father's day. I got up, it's five hours difference, so I got up and I watched our service. Soon as the service was over, I started crying. I was crying the night before because I knew father's day was coming and I kept trying not to cry. But after the service, I started crying and I cried myself so to maybe 12 to 14 hours later, I was still laying in that bed. And I had to stop because I felt the depression coming on. And I literally had to force myself. I felt like a force was on my chest, like pressing me back, making me stay in the bed. But I got up one foot at a time and I got dressed and I made my way out of that room and walked down and was with my girls and everyone else. But we can be, I said all that to say this is that we can grieve ourselves and we can get into a place to where depression does set in. And then it's like, what was me? And you're mad at the world. Because when it first happened, I'm not gonna be very transparent. I was mad. I'm mad. And when I seen couples, oh my God, I couldn't stand couples. He was like, this is. And then the worst couple. That should have been us. Yeah, I'm like, and then I would see guys mistreating their girls and I'm like, my husband didn't do that. What do I mean? He slamming the door, he cussing her out. Yeah, so God opened your eyes at these things. Yeah. Or the devil tried to play tricks with your mind with these things. Exactly, exactly. And so it was to the point to where I didn't openly say it, but I didn't wanna be around couples. And even the church, because I would see different couples in the church and I would try to take my mind off of it because I'm like, oh, they're a couple. They still together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not together, you know. And so I'm like, okay, I can't think about that because I gotta preach or I gotta pray or, you know. But it was very, very real. And so God had to give me the strength and the grace through all of that. And not that I'm better because, you know, there's a couple of things like even at the 4th of July, you know, my brothers, all of them married. Yeah. They got somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But God, but God, all I can say is but God. Yeah, that's definitely what it is. But God. Because he definitely knows what's going on. Yeah. It's already been written. Exactly. He knows what's going on. So you, yeah. Faith is something else. Faith is very much something else. Because you have to just always, no matter what it, in life, like for me personally, you know, as a child growing up, you go through different things and he's like, God, why? Why me? Why now? Why, you know, that question needs to always come up. Right. But for me, the more I stayed in my Bible is I don't ask why anymore. I'm just like, God, I know it's your purpose. I know it's your plan. Whatever it is, just use me. You know, just give me the strength, give me the patience, the things that I need to be able to perform these tasks. But, and that's my prayers now. Because I don't ask why anymore. Because, or I don't second guess certain things when it's happening. Because I know that I may not know the reason why or who it's meant to touch. Because my life, how I look on life is not for me. It's for somebody else. I'm here to touch somebody else. I'm here whether I'm not only to bring my kids to life because I brought them to life and I'm still here. I'm here for other purposes, but it's not for me. A lot of people live their life for themselves. And I realize it's for other people. You know what I mean? So I look at all of that when I'm living my daily life. You're such a... Now I did question God now. I bet you did. I didn't understand it. Because I'm like, he was doing so well. He was getting ready to go to rehab. Let me tell you something. Ever somebody goes through something, they question God. I don't play. You want to know why. Yeah. I said, God, I... You want to know why this happened to me. Everybody do the same thing. He said, oh, I don't do it. Yeah, she do. At some point, she said, what is going on? If you didn't do it now, you did it then. Right. And if you ain't done it now, you did it then. And if you ain't done it now, you gonna do it. Right. Yeah, don't try to play. Because we go through stuff. Because I did, I did. I question. Everybody do. We go through stuff. We don't understand. We act like we got it all together. And we don't. I don't. No, I'm not. You've convicted me. No, I'm not. The girl, did you see that? I don't. Y'all seen it. No, we did not see it. Because I'm what you're doing. I did not see it. I'm just talking. You know what I'm saying? But I... I did not see it. No, no, no, no. We just human, mere humans, you know? And God is... See, Jesus had to come for us. Yeah, why you were yet sinners. See, you ain't done nothing. You think you done done too much. That's why he said, like you said it. You know, you say about grace through faith. Not by works. Because if you thought you done something, baby, you'd be really in upon it, you know? So we gotta stay humble and meet, you know? And what you, you know what? Getting back to your experiences, man, and what you're going through, God got a plan. Yeah, somebody you gonna help through these situations. We know that. Yes. You know how that works. Because everything you go through is so that you can help somebody. You don't know what's about to go on in your life, in the church that you're in, the people that you're dealing with in your life. You don't know your kid's life. So, hey, man, get ready for the ride. It's just not beginning. This is just a chapter. I'm telling you. And that's what you have to be. You have to be, man, you just a servant, man. You just a vessel. He's not looking for your abilities. He's looking for your availability. We know that. That's it. You're just making yourself available. Did you ever do counseling? For? After his passing. Yes, I did. I had two counselors. I still have two counselors. I think she said it earlier too. Yeah, I went to a counseling session today. And one, I was there. Wow. Yes, yes. And you have a counseling session now. Yeah. Well, I'm talking to Stephanie. I'm interacting with Esa. I don't know if I'm going to go. No. Anytime you're talking, you know, it helps, man. Because when people are hurt, they do exactly what you said earlier. They close up. They close up. And they don't talk about it. And they get angry. And they get angry. You talked about all of that. And somebody, like I said, other people could attest to that. Other people looking at this thing when they look at it and say, yeah, that was me. Or man, I'm glad I got to hear that because now I understand why I felt that way. That's what this platform is about. Boss talk one on one is for bosses. People who talk about things that can help other people. Leadership. You know what I mean? That's true. So I just, I thank God for you coming on the show. Thank God for you having me. She's about to get it. She's about to get it. We love you. No. We're trying to keep you out of your purse. Hold on, hold on. I want you to tell, if people want to get a hold of you, please tell us where your church, just, you know, how could, how could people, if they're hurting and they need to, need somebody to talk to about going through what you went through. Amen. I am located on Facebook and Instagram. I am Lady Anita on Facebook, on Instagram. Anita Robertson-Jawa on Facebook. And you can always meet us at K-War Church at 1401 Batham Jean. I'm there every Sunday at 10 a.m. So come out and be a part of the ministry. I am there. What I did not, I want to share with this real quick. What I didn't share with you before was that in less than a year, the three people that I depended on most transition. My mom, June 6th, 2020, my husband, March 11th, 2021, and my sister, May 27th, two days before my birthday of 2021. So these three people were my top three contacts. These three people were the ones that I was able to depend on and lean in the most. Again, God came to me right before my sister transition and asked me, did I know what the word dependable mean? And I told God, yes, I know I'm depending on you. And he said, are you really dependent on me? And he said, dependency and prayer will take you further into my throne, into my very presence if you are that type of dependable on me or you relying on something else. And I'm telling, we having a conversation. I'm like, God, yeah, I depend on you. Didn't know less than 24 hours that my sister was gonna transition. Wow. And so, and not just transition. So it was sudden? Yes, it was sudden. Matter of fact, I was just about to say it. We're, I'm in her hospital room. We're having a conversation like we're having right now. She's telling me, girl, my bottom hurt. So we started, I started making jokes about bottom. So we're laughing. And they're in there giving her blood and we're talking and she said, and I could kind of tell that she was nervous. So I grabbed her hand and said, do you want me to hold your hand? She said, yeah, if you want to. And I can kind of tell that she wanted me to hold her hand. So I'm holding her hand and we're talking and I'm making her laugh. And I looked down at the floor for maybe 10 seconds. My head come back up, she had slipped into glory. Wow, wow. And so God said, and I was like, God, again, I'm not like everybody else. I went to God again. I said, God, I don't understand. How's this girl going to be removed from my life? She's all I know. I'm six years younger than her. We grew up together, everything. She was in my wedding, I was in her wedding. She had two kids, I had two kids. She went to church, I went to church. Matter of fact, I started at her church. You know, so our lives were very similar. And I said, now that my mom, then my husband, and after my husband had transitioned, she said, Lord, told me to walk with you. And I said, okay, and I told, and right before that, before she passed, it was like 72 days. And I said, oh God, it's been 72 days. And that's how I remember it. And then I said, God, it's only been 72 days. So you had her walk with me for 72 days. What is that about? Like I'm thinking you're gonna have a walk five, 10 years maybe? She had been sick, but not death sick. And so I didn't understand. And today, of all days, as I'm getting prepared to come to here, come here, God said, I didn't have her walk with you for her, I had her walk with you for you. And I said, God, and he said, yes, that's the reason why her daughter was there, her son had just left, but I was the one that was holding her hand. And so it wasn't so much, not that she was a bad mother or anything like that, but you needed that. More than anybody. More than anybody. How was the kids? Yes, her kids are 27 and 25. Yeah, yeah. How are your kids handling the death of your husband or their father? They're in counseling. They are, it's one day at a time. I recognize when they're having a bad day. I give them passes. Not to worry, they're just all out, but I do give them passes. The older two are grown, so they're out on their own, but the younger two, I give them passes. How old are they? The oldest is 28, our son is 28, our daughter is 27. And then we got a 19 and a 16 year old. Okay, y'all got us, it was kind of the same thing when it was 28, 27, and 15 and 13. 15 and 13. So you know, but hey, man, big ups to you. You're a strong sister. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For you to be able to even do this interview and just the glory that we see on you, the joy. You know what I mean? And them being through it, what you're doing. The joy of the Lord is what? Yeah, yeah. Is that strength? Okay. Man, I'm telling you right now. Listen, I'm telling you, man, you look like God is definitely with you, you know? And I think that's gonna be good for the people that you talk with and share with. I really do. You can tell it's God. Now I know it's your, you know, you going through your ministry and everything else, but have you had a vacation or are you gonna take one? I did, I went to Hawaii, but I'm gonna start taking time off every quarter, a weekend or so every quarter. I really think that's important. Yeah, because I gotta have some time to build back up. That's right. I should operate out of my overflow, not out of my currency. Yeah, correct. Especially because everything that you do is everything surrounding him. You know what I mean? So you really have no time to rejuvenate you. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you gotta make sure you look out for you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you need us, we right here. Thank y'all. Been here 15 years, you know, 60 going on. We've been here 15 going on 15. Yeah, yeah, we here. Y'all are here. The Lord say we was here, we've been here. Y'all where? Where again? 1401 Elam Road. But what I need you to know is if somebody needs something, or some shoes, clothes, or anything like that, I am one that do. I help people, that's what we do, right? Anytime you want, if somebody needs something, let us know and we can help out. That's what we like. Okay. Because, hey, people go through things, and sometimes people don't need. We have, sometimes the kids from TYC come in when they get out and we try to help them, man. Shout out to Charleston White, right? Like he brings them through. Oh, yeah. So all I'm saying is, man, yeah, yeah, we didn't just meet for no reason, right? No, no. Yeah, so there's always a reason. So we just gotta make sure we utilize resources. Amen. Yeah, just let me know. I mean, y'all wanna pray? Anything you wanna pray? Y'all wanna pray? Go ahead. Go ahead. Father, we thank you. Thank you for this time. Thank you for this moment. Even thank you for this opportunity, Lord. Lord, we ask and we lift up these great business leaders, Father God. We pray for E and Stephanie, Lord. We pray for the vision that you've already blessed them and given them, God. Lord, we pray for the overflow, the abundance, for the latter day reign, Father God, for the refreshing and the renewing in this place up on their lives, up on their children's lives. Lord, we just ask that you bless this podcast, Alliah, to reach and to go further than they could ever imagine, Lord. Allow this to trigger someone's heart, Father God. Allow it to penetrate someone's thoughts, Lord. Allow it to be mind-blowing, life-changing, O God. Allow it to be the fresh wind of them on this trip in this journey, Lord. Allow them to know, O God, if we can make it, as Bishop Omar would say, if we can make it, they too can make it, Lord. You have no respect or persons. You reign on the just as well as the unjust, Father. We thank you and we praise you right now for what has happened, what will happen, O God, and what has already happened, Lord. We thank you right now, O God, for the ministries that are being birthed, even through this podcast, God. We thank you for every individual, every business that is connected, Lord. Thank you for indirect, indirect, Lord. Thank you for the flow, even the abundance. You said there was no lack in your kingdom, God, and we stand on your word. There's no lack, O God, in this business, in this area, Father God, that we are producers after our own kind, O God. And we thank you right now that it is so, O God, that it is so, in the mighty name of Jesus, we dare to believe, amen and amen. Amen. Amen, you know, hey, yeah, yeah, that's it there. Now I can get on, yeah, yeah, that's it. That was it, right there. God heard him, and I was, hey, I was right there with you, man. Thank you so much, man. We love you. You're welcome. I love y'all. We love you. We love you, and if you need us, we hear. We definitely don't be shy about contacting us. If you ever wanna pray, you wanna talk to somebody who really, really cares about the things that's going on with individuals, cause God give us, that's our gift to carry, you know. So we thank you. You're welcome. Thank y'all for having me again. Come on, man. I will be black tomorrow. You can come back tomorrow. You'll be black, yes. You will come back tomorrow. We'll shut the door down. We'll shut it down. Yeah, we'll get right back on these in the car. Yeah, as long as you need us, I'm here. Say, man, this has been another great segment of Boss Talk 101, man. And we out.