 web search capabilities. The virtues of tradition. Do you know who doesn't use their library? University of Kentucky. Do you want to be like them? No! You see, libraries, we have more resources for your education than there are stairs on campus. There's like a million. Seriously, I burned off three Red Bulls just getting here. What most people don't know is that for every student on campus, we have a librarian. Really? No! We have 27,000 librarians. Human cloning is illegal and immoral according to the government. But for every college and department, there is a librarian. Here to assist in research, answer your questions, and generally, be a butt kicking knowledge beast. With the help of our epic library staff, you'll have more respect and confidence than one of the Lady Balls. Oh wait, that's impossible! But you'll probably get an A. Through the library, you'll become cream of the crop, top of the heap, king of the hill, New York, New York. Hey look, cranes! You can finally get the information you need rather than going through Reddit for hours and browsing UGK confessions. This person puked and buried it in the sand. Now I know what you're thinking. But random, incredibly handsome, well-dressed student library who's totally not a virgin, I get all my information from the internet. No one thinks that. Don't let me tell you what to do. We all know the internet only tells truth. Oh look, five women in my area want to sex with me. Maybe you want to know the average daily phone calls in the 40s versus now. Maybe the number of families who own televisions in the 1960s. Maybe the earnings of selected professional occupations in 1829. Stats on highway transportation in the 20s. Copyright registrations from 1886. Domestic banks with assets and liabilities in 1863. The price of livestock in 1867. Or maybe social welfare expenditures in 1890. Find me that on your Google machine. Push me! Come on! Give me a push! Oh come on!