 One of the key signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder is black and white thinking, which is also known as splitting. So in this video, we're going to talk about exactly what that is, as well as what you can do to overcome it. So stay tuned. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And we are back with another video about borderline personality disorder. One of the key symptoms is black and white thinking. Some people call it splitting. And do me a favor and share this video. Okay. I cannot stress enough that black and white thinking is something that people with BPD struggle with. But this is like a human problem, just to a lesser extent. All right. And we really need to talk about it and really wrap our minds around it because it'll help improve the mental health of a ton of people, even if they don't struggle with BPD. So the first question is, what is black and white thinking or splitting? So I mentioned it in my last video about my personal experience with symptoms of borderline personality disorder. Basically, it is your view of a person and they they're almost like they're two different people to you. Okay. There's a good version of them and the bad version of them. There's no gray area. It's not this person is having a rough day or this person's in a bad mood. It's this person is bad. They're evil. They don't love me. They don't care about me. You automatically just put them into that filing cabinet. I heard somebody say that having BPD is almost like emotional amnesia, right? We forget we forget all the good qualities of somebody, especially because the emotions are so dysregulated and all over the place, right? And that's why it can put a strain on so many relationships and different aspects of life like relationships with your friends, your family, your boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife or your children because when they do something that you don't like or it gives you a fear, right? They automatically go into this category and then next thing you know, you're fighting or you're leaving or you're quitting and all these other things. So black and white thinking can really, really make your life unmanageable and this is something that I personally struggled with for very, very long time. And right before making this video, I was thinking about, I'm like, man, these things still come up, but they're much more manageable. So in this video, I'm going to teach you a very simple practice that I personally use that really helps me step outside of the black and white thinking, which is very important because like I mentioned before, like I had this really bad problem with just destroying relationships with friends and girlfriends and jobs because when I'm stuck in that mode of this person is just all bad, then I make really rash decisions and impulsive decisions. I will break up with somebody. I will leave a job. I will quit talking to my friend for months at a time. I'll quit talking to family members for months at a time. And it's all because of my thought process and how things work. So this practice really, really helps me figure out what's going on. So before I jump in this practice, here's the way this issue was explained to me. Our brands have this problem separating the truth from the false. So in this practice, what we're going to do is we're going to separate the truth from the false. So the truth is the reality of the situation. The false is basically what our crazy brain is telling us based on fears. So a lot of black and white thinking is based on fears, fear of abandonment, fear of being disrespected, fear of being lied to, all these things, right? So what we're trying to do is take a step back and logically look at this and say, okay, here's the truth of the matter. And here's my imagined situation, which I have no foundation of proof. Okay. So that's what we're going to do with this practice. All right. So let's go ahead and open up this WordPad document. If you would like, you can grab a journal or whatever it is. Like in this video, I'm going to explain it, but if you want to come back to this video and do this practice, come on back. So let's start out with my mom. Okay. And parents are something we always, we have a lot of issues with. If you're struggling with black and white thinking, relationships with your parents can be tough, right? So for me personally, I'm pulling from personal experiences, like I used to not be self-supporting. I always needed help. I was asking to borrow money and like all sorts of stuff. Sometimes I would ask for help and she wouldn't give it to me. So what we're trying to do is separate the truth from the false. So what are true statements about my mom and what are false statements about my mom? What are the lies that my brain is telling me? All right. So truth. What's the truth about the situation? So truth. All right. Let's, let's bullet this up, make it look pretty. Truth. My mom loves me. Right? How do I know that? She's proved it time and time and time again. My mom saved my life. If any of you watched my Mother's Day video to my mom, I explained that and let's throw another one on there. My mom has dropped everything to come be with me in the hospital. On multiple occasions throughout my life, my mom has come from California to Las Vegas, just left work, left everything and said, I got to go be with my son. So like I'm able to sit back and look at this and be like, oh, wow, my mom does love me. Right? Like, so when my brain is saying all these other things, I can sit back and say, wait, I have examples. Like my mom has helped me. So like we get into this like kind of never mode, right? When we are emotionally and raised, right? We get into this mode where we're like, you never helped me. You never say anything nice to me. You never care about like all this stuff. And these are lies that our brain is telling us. And then we spit it out like word vomit. But when I can sit back and look at this, I'm like, oh, wow, like she has helped me in the past. She has done things for me. So what are the false statements? Right? So these are the lies that my brain is telling me. And a lot of these are based on fears. An old mentor of mine, when I was working on my mental health, he said, Chris, it's a lot easier for you to fix you than it is to fix the rest of the world. I'm like, what are you talking about? But this is what showed me like it's not necessarily what you are doing to me. It's the way that my brain processes things. And when I can identify that fact, now we can start cutting the people in my life a little bit of a break. And I will do other videos on relationships and boundaries and stuff like that. But we need to be able to sit back and say, is this rational? Or is this like an imagined fear? So a lot of these false statements are going to be based on fear. So my mom doesn't love me. My mom doesn't care about me. My mom doesn't want to help me. Here's a good one. My mom loves my sister more than me. Right. And I'm sitting here and I'm looking at that. I'm like, wow, these are the lies that my brain tells me just because my mom isn't helping me out right now. So let's move on to another very real scenario. For people who struggle with black and white thinking, having a relationship is very, very difficult. I know in the past, like if my girlfriend was busy or didn't want to hang out or even didn't return my text messages, I would lose my mind, right? And people with BPD have very difficult relationships because it goes from these extremes of clinging, I want to spend all my time with you in one moment. And then the next one, it's like, we're breaking up. I never want to see you again. You're the worst thing that ever happened to me. All these other things. And a lot of those are based on fears too, which we'll get to in a second. So let's say my girlfriend hasn't texted me back all day or she doesn't want to hang out, right? So what's the truth about this situation? All right. My GF loves me. How do I know that? She's, she's told me, okay? My GF loves spending time with me. How do I know that? Because when we hang out, she smiles and laughs and you know, she has offered to hang out with me. My GF wants to be with me. How do I know that she's told me before, you know what I'm saying? Now what are some of the lies that my, my brain tells me about this situation? My GF doesn't love me. My GF is going to leave me. My GF is cheating on me. Like when I am able to sit down and write this stuff out, which is why I encourage all of you to do this, whether on a computer or in a notebook or whatever, is because like when I did this, I sat back. I'm like, I am a crazy person. Like I am getting so angry about these things that I have had no factual proof about, yet I am losing my mind. So lastly, let's talk about work and employment. Okay. So I'm somebody who has been fired a dozen times in the past, right? Back in my addiction, I was constantly getting fired and like, I have also worked for some very bad employers. So let's say I go into work and maybe my boss sends me an email critiquing my work or he said something to me, all these things. And I started going into this panic attack, like with all these fears circling around me. And it's important to get this under control because I can be very impulsive. I can say, oh, screw this, I'm out of here, yell at him, scream at him, you know, whatever it is. And I'll leave based on this impulsive decision, based on these emotions, which are often based on lies my brain is telling me. And then I quit. I walk out. Next thing you know, I'm like, Oh my God, how am I going to pay my bills? How am I going to feed my son? How am I going to feed myself? So it's important to do this exercise with employers too. So a lot of this too was based on my own insecurities. And this still happens to me time and time again, every time my boss is calling me or asked to see me, right? I start to get like this like little mini panic attack, right? So like, let's start writing down the truth. Okay, the truth. My boss likes me. How do I know that? The dude hired me, right? I'm a good employee. I'm a hard worker. How do I know these things? They've told me this, right? I show up on time. I follow through with commitments. So like, this is important too, because when I'm in that moment in those moments of fear, like I might quit just because I have a tendency to I'm going to leave you before you can leave me and that can happen at work, right? So what's false? My boss hates me, right? My boss talks about me behind my back, right? There's that paranoia. You know what I'm saying? My boss is going to fire me, you know? And then I'm able to sit back. I'm like, wait a second, like my boss like has me do all these things and extra assignments and always comes to me for help and advice and all sorts of stuff. Like, what is wrong with me? And lastly, my job sucks, right? No, it doesn't. Well, sometimes it might suck, but like, you know, let's say if it was my job now, like, I love my job. I love what I do. You know what I'm saying? So anyways, anyways, this is such an easy practice. You can do it anywhere. You can do it at home. You can do it at work. Like just take a second, take a break, go out to lunch, go out to coffee and write this stuff down and start separating the truth from the false that will help to get you out of that black and white thinking because you start to understand that that narrator in your head is not always telling you the truth. Okay? And it's important to identify our fears because when we identify our fears, we start to understand that the rest of the world isn't always the problem. A lot of it is based on our own internal issues. You know what I'm saying? So anyways, again, please share this video if you think somebody gets stuck in black and white thinking. If somebody goes from loving you to hating you, you know, this can help them out. All right? And I hope you practice it as well. Okay? But anyways, stay tuned because I have a bunch more BPD videos coming out this week. All right? And let me know down in the comments what you think about this exercise. Is it easy enough for you to do? Okay? But anyways, if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. And if you are new here, I'm always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional well-being. Click that little round subscribe button. And if you want to check out some other videos on this channel, you can click a top right there. Okay? Thank you again so, so much for watching. Get out of black and white thinking and I'll see you next time.