 1978's John Carpenter Class at Halloween posed a lot of questions to the audience. Mainly, how do you kill Michael Myers? In 2007, that question was answered. You give the franchise to Rob Zombie. The original Halloween is in many ways timeless, but it still falls into some of those 70's trappings. For starters, the film revolves around a group of high school students, but they are played by actors in their 20's. This isn't helped by the fact that the main heroine Lori dresses like she's 65 years old. Thankfully, it gets a bit more respectable in the end, but I wasn't buying this whole high school shtick. This is probably the only thing I can give Rob Zombie credit for in his version. Students look age-appropriate. They don't talk age-appropriate, but no one does in that movie. I don't think Rob Zombie's actually talked to a living person before. We'll dive more into that later. Jamie Lee Curtis gets all the praise for her performance in Halloween and for good reason. Simply because she's not a complete dumbass, like most teens are in these types of films. In contrast, 07's Lori will go down as the one that got away, but I wish didn't. I was begging for Michael Myers to silence her incessive screams as she runs, to and fro, stumbling everywhere along the way. JLC, I call her that now, for this one time only. Absolutely destroys Scout Taylor Compton in the role, and I blame Zombie for that. Lori's friend Annie has just as much screen time, but doesn't get the same recognition. I found her performance to be a bit over the top at times, and perhaps that's why she didn't get the props. She does have better fashion sense at least. Pants be damned, she declares, as she runs outside in nothing more than a long-sleeved tee. Malcolm McDowell, as Dr. Samuel Loomis, definitely added some class to the zombified Halloween. Yet, his character was portrayed foolishly as well. Gone was the Loomis who would stop at nothing to put down his escaped mental patient. The guy that would refer to his patient as the boogeyman and realized halfway through their 15 years together that there was nothing human worth saving. McDowell's version considered Myers's best friend at times, and still felt sympathy even at the end. As for the boogeyman himself, it's an understated performance by Tony Moran. To say the most, he has no dialogue, he just kind of stands there forebodingly, for the most part, in his creepy mask. He is terrifying because there is no reason for him to be this way. A terminator without a mission, a human anomaly that once more proves the less you know, the scarier it becomes. We get a lot of focus on Myers in the 07 version. Too much. With his 6-year-old self getting just as much screen time as his 20s version. Diggs certainly looks like the type of kid that would bash your head in with a log if you called him gay, but that doesn't make him scary. That just makes him an asshole. He grows up to become actor Tyler Mayne, who definitely has an intimidating presence. That presence would have been a hell of a lot better if he wasn't such a tool. Knowing that he's just some misunderstood kid with a redneck upbringing removes any fear there should have been. Once more, the actors were trying. It's just the script was a non-starter from the beginning. I do think the OG Halloween shows its age. I'm not nostalgic enough to claim otherwise. In fact, I'm not sure the next generation of kids will even want to sit through it. The dated effects and the omission of a lot of cheap jump scares may not appeal to the already desensitized. As I've said time and time again on this show, story is king. This is where Halloween will always stay solid. There is something deeply disturbing about a six-year-old boy in a clown mask, wielding a knife, wandering in his beautiful home, ready to kill his happy family. I'm not sure, however, that having his hot blond sister posing in front of a mere naked brushing her hair really added to that tension. We have to pick our battles when it comes to these 70s films. The final shot before closing to the title card is just perfect. Our boogie boy standing outside, next to mom and dad, motionless, murder weapon still in hand. The reboot, remake, remix, whatever the hell this thing is, can't even get that right. Instead, showing us that Myers is more closely aligned with, say, Dexter Morgan than that of pure evil incarnate. The kid likes to kill animals and photograph them. It's a hobby. Everybody needs one. He, along with pretty much everyone else in the movie, talks the same. Not just nibbling on a swear word once in a while, that's fine. No, these people all make a meal out of it. Typically a dick or ball gurgling metaphor without the subtlety or substance. A metahore would be the more apt terminology for this game. Our young Michael makes a little music in the park when he beats a homophobic classmate to death with a nearby log. Who likes wood now? Ass. There's nothing complicated about 78's story. Myers kills, goes to rehab for 15 years where he patiently waits to continue his work. He takes his time, relishing each action when he does finally escape and return to Haydenfield. Side note, you know who didn't take his time in that town? That high school boy who busted a nut after 10 seconds of sex. That was embarrassing. And I was glad Myers hung him out to dry. Halloween's last 30 minutes really step up its game. As Michael Jehovah witnesses his way from house to house looking for people to convert. From alive to dead. Rob Zombie is not content with such a simple story. Instead he digs through the ditches and burns, through the witches and slams. Any sort of mystery and fear this antagonist once had. My favorite scene by far though is the tastefully done rape section. Two dipshit guards decide it's a good idea to have their way with one of the patients right in front of the crazy as hell giant who decorates his wall with masks. They do all this while egging Michael on to react. Which makes sense because he's not restrained in any way at all and he's about three times the size of them. This is one of the dumbest scenes ever put to film for me. And that speaks volumes because I've seen the emoji movie. Michael finds that he has an estranged sister so he seeks her out to be best friends or something. It doesn't matter. We're like an hour into this hellscape and I've checked out at this point. This one ends with Lori Point blank shooting Myers in the face. Which seems oddly appropriate for this film. A large silent killer smashing and thrashing his way into an accordion style closet door. While his victim on the other side curls in a corner with a makeshift weapon waiting for her attacker to strike. This gives the audience pause to wait and see how she could possibly escape. The way John Carpenter frames all this up is nothing short of masterful. The moonlight coming through the slits in the closet alongside the threat. His dead eyes looking down on her as she fights to keep her position. Then there are his tracking shots seen throughout the picture following the teenagers as they chat about parties and boys, the stalker, not far away. These scenes add tension and uncertainty. Something Rob Zombie knows nothing about. When will Myers strike and how? The theme playing out in the same vein as Jaws lets you know the threat is close when that score starts up again. Halloween 2007 benefits from larger sets, budget and time. And yet somehow feels less believable and definitely less relatable. Torture porn was all the rage in the early 2000s and this has its fair share. Rob Zombie can't even be bothered to use the trademark opener with its simple yet effective lit pumpkin on a black backdrop. I'm surprised he didn't go that route. It seemed like something that would bring the audiences in to that nostalgia, have him reflect on a great movie of the past before he inevitably crushes that pumpkin to smithereens after raping it first of course. Let's conclude. Halloween, like so many things these days, did not need to be remade or rebooted or whatever that was. That doesn't mean it couldn't have been well done regardless. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case. Carpenter understood what puts fear in people. He understood that someone killing for no logical reason is far more scary than the creepy boy next door who's stabbing rats. And I just found out that there's a sequel to that 2007 shit show. So look for another Halloween feud in a week or two. Thank you for watching and remember, this is more than just reviews. This is Movie Feuds. I mean, it can't be any worse than the 2007 one, right? How was that even possible? To be worse than that. Take care. Stand here for a little while while you decide your future.