 Fred, can I have two? Hey, hey man, can I please make a pick-up order? Is that okay? You guys still open? Okay, we'll go later. Let's go fried rice for the honey chicken. Help! Help me! Help me! Help me! Do you guys do any of those, like, for entrees? Have any of those spring rolls? One serving of spring rolls. Yeah, one serving of spring rolls please. Help! Help me! What's the other beef one you guys have? Like the sizzling Sichuan beef or some shit? Sichuan beef. And so I'll need to get another couple of... Poisoned the neighbors dogs. No, you didn't. What's the biggest thing you've ever killed? The biggest thing I've ever killed. Probably like a... Oh, man. Well, I think of a member who was driving when we hit that kangaroo on the road trip. I was. I'd blocked that out. That's the biggest thing. But I don't think it would have died. Yeah, it just clipped it. It nearly jumped into the fucking window. I was fucking, I was fucking hammered in the fucking back. I'm with fucking two scooters in my fucking hands. They were toys. He's fucking kangaroo. He can't fucking fly in and suck its head through the window. And I fucking passed the one and it necked it and fucked off. Pretty much. I remember it just sort of bouncing in the field and then Henry saying, dude, is that going to hit us? I was like, no way. And then it just kept getting closer and closer. Then it gets to Henry going from calm to just, no, dude, dude, dude, it's going to hit. It's going to hit. And then it hit the side. But then it sort of bounced off and did its thing again. So they said like crazy. It's like, oh, I'm scared of that thing. And then they just like run into it. Yeah, this I think they get attracted to the light. Yeah, well, we know it was daytime. Yeah, it should have been jumping to the sun. Stupid words. Could have run in any other direction. Because kangaroos are always like ready for a rumble. Or maybe you fucking start to me. Can't or maybe it was a suicidal kangaroo. That's a good question. Has been on the rise in the marsupial kingdom. And I just want to raise awareness for that. And if you want to donate to it, just go to marsupialdepression.org. And you can donate there. We'll put the link in our description. Oh, I just realized what the biggest thing I've killed is. There's a possum arena. Yeah, I know it's not the biggest thing, but the how it happened was bad. I was driving home. I was like two in the morning. And I just did the same thing ran across the road. And I was like, I was like, oh, shit, tried to swerve. So we'd go under it. I just heard you do this shit. And I got out just to see like how badly it was. And it just got off its leg was broken. And it was looking at me. It was like they're just screaming out in pain. And I was like, fuck, this is terrible. And then you had to reverse over and pop its little skull to finish it off. You were hammer drunk that night, man. You were fucking wasted that night. You should not have been driving. You've got an STD that night. Really? Yeah. And that smell, I can't, we've got to bring it back up. It's getting worse. And it's bad. I'm used to it. What direction is it? You because I'm not getting it. But I did smell it when I walked in the room. Oh, it is. It's the fucking. Oh, man, that's a yuck ass. Hey, it's the fucking flytrap. Do you just want to put it outside? I don't think I can be fucked walking from here to there. It's like two, but I just can't be fucked. Taking my headphones off, balancing to get. Yeah, that's too difficult. That's an insight to what it's like to work on this. Is we get we get bored of things quick. Maybe next season we can invest in the new sound board and that way you can buy cordless headphones and you can walk around. I'm going to say no, no, no, no. Oh, man, what do you do on the weekend? What did we do? Fuck, that's gone now, dude, that memory. Yeah, what the fuck? It was like a week ago. Did I see you? What the fuck happened on the way? Oh, by the way, everyone, we're filming on a Friday night. We usually film on a Monday, but Michael's sick on Monday. So we're busy all the other day. So today is the only day that we can do it. So it's like our weekend was like six days ago. We haven't just forgotten what happened. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I mean, we have a very tired work. Yeah, man, it's been a big fucking fuck off week, bro. Holy fucking shit, we're fucking because after next week, it's Michael's box like early at the end of next week. And so we have and then we have a week off. So we have to get all that content, everything ready, like by the middle of next week for like three weeks after do basically like two weeks work in like a few days, which is why it's just pumping out big days. And we tried to film the fucking that host documentary today. Yeah, wow. What was the other thing we did? Nearly got it done. I reckon that would be pretty funny, hopefully. But man, I went blind today. Man, I lost sight for like 30 minutes. Have you ever just gone blind in your eyes ever? Well, you've had a few things happen. Yeah, it's weird. We've lost a tooth. When you, yeah, my tooth just chipped out of half my tooth just fell out yesterday. You had a mild heart attack? When? I fucking was just filming and like it had been a long day and I didn't quite feel right. And then you know, when you stare at a light and then you look away and there's like a little bit of a little bit of like a I do it for fun. Yeah, it's like fun to do. Watch this right now. You look at the light and then you go next to the light and there's a bit of like a it's that. But it gets bigger and bigger and grows. And then it just kind of works its way into my peripheral vision and then disappears. It's sort of be fun if it was just for a bit, but it was like for two hours. Yeah, it's usually usually for two hours. No, no, it's just like just like a little bit harder to see out of one eye. So if I was looking at your face, like, there'd be like a block of this that I just can't see black. You got retina cancer or something? Why are you? Why are you saying these things? I don't like the word retina and I don't like the second word either. No, I'm just checking. Oh, that's scary, isn't it? Oh, no, it's probably it's sort of cool. It's cool if it's just for a bit. Like it happens like it happened. I'm keeping track of it now. It happened four months ago. I still remember that story you told me when you were on the phone and you had some of that really, really pure stuff from another country. And I was terrified. I was on the phone to Luke. You just went completely blind. Yes, I went what they call and what I now realize is snow blind when you do like really a large amount of really strong drug, your blood vessels constrict and then you fucking even goes. Yeah, it comes down to you just saw it. But everything just started to shrink. And like it was just black and then I was like nearly panicking and just I'm going to go and just sprinted back to the house because I thought I was going to go fucking born. Come on, come on, man. No, yeah, but the weekend last weekend, we're we're a good Sunday. And I mean, one, we went to bloody Alfredo's Mon's parents place and had a few drinks with them. But and then Saturday night was the girl's hand. So what did I just chill at home? Do we do anything that night? We went for dinner and then I went home. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. And then and Friday night. Yes, nothing. Fucking and we warms. Oh, yeah. How's it? I understand the censoring is annoying on YouTube. By the way, if you want to watch the uncensored version where we don't have to sort of remove our more the more extreme things we say, go to our Spotify. But if the beeping is getting annoying, I thought, instead of the air horn sounds when we edit the senses, why don't we just make a like a funnier sound? So at least then it's bearable to hear like a fluff. Yeah, like a fluff sound or something, like one of the old fucking farts from back from season two. It was like really long. Your whole man scaped out a bit, you know, fucking shave your butt. It would just be a lot of farts. Yeah, which is great. It doesn't have to be farts. Could be burps. It could be like a little giggle. Yeah, a little giggle. Could be that sound that we like. Oh, we'll see what we should see what Connor can do. Well, it's not Connor that does it. We kind of does the he does the Spotify edit. And then we we redot for YouTube. The boys sort of redot for YouTube. But anyway, that's enough enough about that boring shit. So we got a banger episode. We got a special guest coming in at eight o'clock. I wish the fucking chair worked. Yeah, well, it's probably all broken because it's being through the year. You have pissed it a few times anyway. Sorry, we got a crazy Matt versus Michael. We got prank call. You don't have a guest. And it's just going to be a lot. Everyone was so upset last time we didn't. We didn't come back and correct to correct that. We didn't win this time. We seriously finished that line. Who just wait and see. But we won't. Well, it's coming. Well, they got a little smile from that. Well, what? What is that? W. A. L. T. I thought the W. A. L. N. T. Wow. What? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What should we call it? You keep wailing. What should we call it? It is beautiful. Wailing. Wailing. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Wailing. Why haven't you told me about W. A. L. N. T. Man, I just thought you knew. Can't just make up guests. Well, rain check, Matt. We're lying. All right, that's a lying. So done. Done now. We give we give so much to everyone. That's a good line. That's worth 50 before you get into it. By the way, the podcast live tickets are on sale right now. They went to the website members first. So then they went to you guys. I believe they went on sale last week. Well, why won't we link in the description? It's in Brisbane. We're going to we're going to do the live show and then we're all going to go get drunk. Somewhere like you're all welcome to come. We've got a bar tab. So they're expecting us. So come watch us and then come come drink with us and fucking dog shot Matt in the back. I don't want to put violence out there. Before we get into the show, because we had the because Mattie sent us all those stickers last episode garden. I didn't get to put out the stickers from last episode. Oh, true. Yeah, we're in for a fucking real treaty. And Matt's going to put multiple stickers on his late tape. This is this is important, though, because these are the ones I shoplifted and I've just realized I still haven't come back and paid for them. Oh, my God. So you're a thief. Yeah. And I feel fucking bad. That woman that we prank all of us feel like what the fuck was remember that? Well, we're redoing that screaming for help shit. That made me so really made me quite happy, too. Oh, man, it's nice seeing what people do. So, yeah, there's two stickers. I couldn't pick one. It's a weird thing to hear, especially if I deliver with such commitment like, please help me, help me. It's not like a background person. It's someone on the phone screaming at you. Did she just ignore us? Yeah, she's kind of let go. So what do you got? Sorry. Well, I couldn't decide which one I got, but I did get a little unicorn, which reminded us me of the podcast. Oh, OK. But then I had a little donut, which reminded me of the Simpsons. So I like the donut. Put it on. So I'm just going to do both. Pikachu's got an ant on it. There's a few ants on the laptop. Yeah, I have the ants. Get there. Holy, I can't see that. Oh, yeah, see it. Under Matt's clothes was just big, these ants' nests and all these holes in his skin and ants crawling around. The ants are my friends. Oh, it doesn't stick. They are your friends. The donut won't stick. Oh, no, it's a sign. They should never ever do stickers again. Yeah, like he had two stickers. I guess it's because I stole them and I got karma. That's karma, bitch. Anyway, they'll fall off. Did it go? Bro, that's fucking all in there. Good mother. No, it just came off. It's off now. But anyway. It just fell off there. It's actually in your foot. That's the struggle of stickers. He just stole my sticker. It's the struggle of stickers. We just put it through your foot, everyone. This thing on Spotify. Matt checked where the sticker had fallen but it was still on his laptop. Oh, man, we got him so good then. Anyway. Yeah, dude, you got got then. Yeah, I don't know what happened there. Anyway, if you don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and give us a five-star review on Spotify, please. We really fucking appreciate it, bro. Yeah. We've been getting some podcasts monetized recently. That's so fucking cool, bro. That's because it's crazy. How quality this is. Anyway, let's move on to the bloody sponsors. Hey, enough fucking chitchatting around. Let's get these fucking dogs sucked off. Let's suck these dogs off for a bit of cash. Who's up? Um, do you know what? Oh, wait, look. AG1. Those are the only three words, letters and numbers you need to know because that will give you the ultimate in health with 75 vital nutrients and minerals in it. There is no way you can get this shit even from the most balanced of diets. This is just so healthy for you. It's GMO free. It's dairy free. It's all these other things free. You pay a subscription. It rocks up at your door. You put a scoop in a cup and you drink it. Once a day, it's a really good flavor and you get 75 vital nutrients and minerals. You fucking, you fucking idiot. You can't get that from what you're eating right now. You fucking pig. Not even sperm has. You dare get so complacent as to think you get that from your diet. You are a fucking dumb bitch. Now go to AG1 slash fully actual for our discount. Go get a free travel pack because this is bullshit, man. You're slowly dying and you're letting it fucking happen. Do something about your health. Take control and get out there. And yeah, with a gun, get out there with a gun and bang, bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang, bang. I think we have to cut that. Yeah. Yeah. As long as you don't point it at people. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, just in a safe environment. Yeah, I think it's like a real gun. Like out of a car at a bridge. Jeez. And it's green, which is cool. It's like the Ninja Turtles. Plus Australia. Who's got bloody guns here? No one. Will you come and see the Ninja Turtle film with me? I would rather die. Dude. No, I would go for $300. If you gave me $350, I'd go see it. Anyway, AG1, link in the description. Suck. You fucking pig. You and your swollen body gross with toxins as you waste your life. Why even get up? Why even get out of bed if you're not going to even try? Just stay there. Stay in a rot. Don't even eat. No one will notice. Smell. Unless you go to fuckingmanscape.com and start using their male grooming products and slowly start chipping away at the huge pile of shit that is your fucking life. Dig your way out from the center of the massive shitty stink mess that you fucking dug yourself and fucked yourself up in. You fucking dig out with your little shovel and you can get your little shovels at manscape.com. All kinds of shavers and ball wipes and fucking smell shit and hair gone here and strictly shit here. You want to fucking do something? You want to fucking do something, huh? Hit, mate. Fucking hit him. Fucking hit him. Hit, mate, and go to manscape.com. You just can't go. Pull the actual 20 for 20% off. There, done. Oh, I could afford it. Shut up. There you go, 20% discount. Done. And if you don't have money after having a 20% discount then go and steal from someone. Also for women. I'm scared someone's going to attack me. A dog shot. Shade to your liver. And I'm on the back. And I'm weak right now. No, please. Do not hit. If you hit mad, then we will all have to hit you. Try not to steal, but if you have to to get the product, then don't steal, but work hard, buy it, then you'll feel better. And it's also for women. It's also for big Hungarian women who have huge plumes of fur growing on their backs. And the average woman as well, I guess, could go and get a bit snipped up. Little plumes. Little cute plumes. Yeah, it's manscaped, but it's for women. It should be women's scape too. It's everything's scaped. And we have a huge new sponsor we would like to introduce. We've spoken about them before too. This is like fully crazy. It's taken a while to get here, but we do have Matt's new chair. Oh, should we get that for Kleiner now? Well, that's what I mean, bro. Well, look at this, everyone. Matt's new chair has something to do with our new sponsor. Oh, Matt. Oh, that's fucking cheap. So for everyone who can't see, we have just brought in a small bar fridge, which Mother Energy Drink has given us. And one of our new sponsors for the show is Mother Energy Drink. And they're actually sponsoring. Oh, look, Matt knocked over his athletic greens. That's funny. They're going to sponsor the prank call segment. So thank you so much, Mother Energy Drink, for supporting us because this again helps. Anyway, fucking that's enough with sponsoring. Look at that, Matt. Brand new chair. It's beautiful. I want you to say something about it. Into the microphone. It's actually not too bad, Phil. Can you check my heart, please? I feel elevated. Is it like the first time you've been in higher than us? Remember the ergonomics chair that made me giggle? It did. It did get a good laugh, but you know what? It did do good. The ergonomics chair was good for me. You can't be cool in an ergonomics chair. Never, ever. Yeah, but it's annoying, but it looks so bad. Well, I'm all right with this one. I think in the next episode we'll plug it in. You should thank Mother. Yeah, thank Mother. Thank you, Mother. Which we do. Thank you, Mother. All right, let's fucking move along. What have we fucking got here, can't we? A bit of fucking Matt vs. Markle, is it? It's Matt vs. Markle. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Before we move a minute of our... ...bong break. Have you ever? Ever been around me? Did you spill that thing? More green on carpet. More stain. Don't mean it's going to smell more. Stinky smell, smell, hey? Oh, shit. Yeah, it's soaked into the carpet. Oh, it's not. He's lying to me. He's making too much of a deal of it. I've analysed everything you say. I've lost my... Confidence. Yeah, I've lost confidence. My ability to trust is gone. I can't trust his closest friends. Yeah, you can't come home. Anything that we say. You come home and you're either attacked or you're... You're bullied. It's only when you play shit game. Or you say something really good to me and you're like, no, it's a lie. Yeah, I love telling you good news that's happening to the podcast. But it's not really. Yeah, that's a bomb. And now it's like big lies at the start. You can do it to me, dude. I do sometimes. Yeah, you're quite, you're learning. And you do do it. You give it back. Yeah, but we do big lies sometimes and it hurts. But it's all right. But then you know what gets me? It's the little lies. Man, I love the lie that I got using you as the bait for when we went camping. I lied to the boys the whole day. Yeah, they're the big ones. Oh, you called me. So it was like I pretended I was on the phone to Matt in the morning at the cafe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know. But remember when I called him and he didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. Yeah. Yeah, that was still the whole time is sitting there not saying a word. So I told everyone at camping that Brown was coming in the like in the evening and we're at the cafe in the morning. I faked a call pretending to talk to Brown saying, oh, Brown, so you are coming. Everyone believed me thinking I was on the phone to Brown because I was originally coming. I was originally going to be there. And then literally I waited till like five o'clock we were driving in and everyone's like, where is in? I got mighty to call him. And that's when I was like, I was like, how far away are you? And that's like, what do you mean? So we had this conversation. I'm not coming. Remember? Yeah. That's what I said. Yeah. I'm not coming. Remember? It's always, yeah. It's always fun. Anyway, what the fuck are we doing? Yeah. What I was saying was it's the little lies that hurt. It's the little lies that make the big lies even better. I'm going to say to me, hey man, I'm going to stay over tonight. We're going to play worms and hang out. And it's such a good feeling because I'm so lonely. But sometimes I do. And then we play worms. Yeah. And that really warms my heart. But yeah, it is. You got to keep, you know, keep showing your toes. Makes it exciting. I don't need to be catching my toes. It's scary here. Okay. So it likes to be firmly on his heels. But yeah, that is running for it. Tip over. So there's fly stuff everywhere. Oh shit. Oh shit. It went all over the core. Oh no. I'm sorry. Oh, it smells so bad. Oh my God. It smells so bad. Michael's just dropped the fly trap. And the soup has gone everywhere. There is fly, fly bait soup on the floor. Oh man. It's made the room different. And there's a fly in here. Bring it back in. Dude, there's a fly. Oh, it's a moss. It's okay. It's a moss? Change the scenario. Sorry, dude. It's on the cords. I didn't realize. It must have tipped over before when I moved the chair. Where's that black salad closet? Ships like a million years old, isn't it? Yeah, the dinosaur fossil poo. Crazy. Jono said that. I don't know that. I don't know. I don't know. Put it in your mouth. Oh. Oh. I just put a million year old fossilized shit. Popped it straight in his mouth. I think I'd rather put fossilized shit in there. I think I'd rather put fossilized shit in my mouth, though, than actual shit. What the fuck? You just put shit in your mouth? Yeah. Cool. And I sit there like a normal human being up. But I did Google it. I did Google it. And they were like, oh yeah. Scientists have found, you know, like what are the little things that get inside you? The garden. Worms. Oh, like parasites. They found parasites in fossilized shit. I was like, oh. Imagine if you had a dinosaur worm crawling around in you now. Look at how fucking wild he looks. Anyway, fuck me. Keep getting distracted. Matt versus Michael. Hit it, Brandon. Here we go. Hit, hit, hit. Matt versus Michael. It's Matt versus Michael. It's Matt versus Michael today. Shit. Matt versus Michael. It's Matt versus Michael. It's Matt versus Michael today. Yay. Come, come, come. Oh, who wants to come? Come, have fun. Come, have fun. Come, have fun today. And this is a segment where Matt and Michael go head to head. It is currently, it's 1513. It's okay. Holy shit. I don't remember that. Okay. Look, go back and watch last week's Matt versus Michael because we have a controversy. Do we? Yes. Fuck off. You're not aware of this. You're not aware of this. Yeah, dude. Which one was the last one that we brought out? The, we were eating competition between you both. Oh no. That was raw meat in yours. I'm kidding. I would have seen it. Michael, and I didn't even know this. He confessed to me. So, you know, give him props for that. I just thought it was funny. Admitted to tampering with the wheat beaks and the peanut butter during the competition. He was scraping some peanut butter off. Onto the plate. Onto the side of the couch. Oh, that's so cruel. How did you nobody notice that? Well, maybe they did it. The podcast just hasn't come out yet. Well, it would have now. Yeah. It's out now. Yeah. So Matt hasn't known this till now. How dare you. So look, it's 15. No, you know what? I'm not going to fucking, because if I thought of it, I would have known it too. Oh, okay. I was going to give you a point. Give me a point. Give me a point. I can't now. You've admitted that you know better a man than he. We're anti heroes. That's so you can't cheat, dude. Taylor Swift. She would be upset. Okay. So it's time to get ahead even more. But yeah, that was I did the slide like this, scraped it, came off. Less peanut butter to consume. Mind you, the peanut butter made it easy to eat the wheat. I think it did too. The hard bit was all the dryness sucking up. I sort of gave myself a disadvantage by getting rid of the peanut butter. Because the peanut butter drives it up too. Anyway, you're giving me a point. No, no, I was. We're both anti heroes. Let's put the mince bottle in a box or something. I reckon. So it's still with us. It feels wrong having it on the set. Well, yeah, all right. We'll find a box to bring it back. We'll find it. We've had to take it down because we've guys, the mince bottle will return, but that's what they're playing for. Okay. It's 1513 and Michael, whoever wins at the end of the season gets to keep the mince bottle and do with it whatever they want during the finale. And still nobody has guessed the right number of loads. Yeah. Everyone was trying. They've slowed down, but the boys will fly you to Australia. What's a load? If you guess it right. Loads in the. Yeah, it was some very close. One person got real close. Yeah, there was some one off. I'm pretty sure. All right. Here we go. Today. The competition is who's better at making faces. Faces. Faces. Faces. So I'm going to give you guys an emotion. And you have to do a very extreme face with that emotion. And then you have to hold it for four seconds. Fuck. This should be in your event. You're very good at that. Should we take out the clan club? If you think that will help. If you think that will help. Well, the thing is what the face is. If you say a certain thing, and I think the glasses will help. I will put the glass. If you, if you laugh during your hold, I will deduct points. Oh, it is tough. Okay. So we have to hold. Do we look at you or the camera? Um, you, the person making the face looks at the camera. But the, the other two obviously can watch the person making the face. As the camera, are we allowed to antagonize the other ones? So they do laugh. Or is that against? No, no touching. Or you can laugh. I wasn't going to do that. I just know. You think his face is funny. You can laugh. Yeah. Okay. All right. The first emotion. Is. Wait, how do we both do the emotion? No, no, your paper scissors rock after I give you the emotion. Your first emotion. Is. Sad. I want to see your most extreme. Sad face. And I mean extreme sadness. All right. Scissors paper rock to see who goes first. Scissors paper brown. Scissors paper brown. Alright ll ln Don't buy your movie going first. extreme sadness for a four-second hold. Three, two, one. Sorry, would be going first extreme. Sadness for a four-second hold. Three, two, one. God for several s. But I don't want to go. before he's had he'll have better facial expression. I had golf lessons. Michael had golf lessons so he's gonna be good at sad things. Man I thought you did very well so I'm very impressed that I won that. Okay all right you go first this time. Next emotion is surprised, extreme surprised. Ready? Do I go first? Yeah. Can you come in? Yeah. Three, two, one. Okay, Michael. Three, two, one, go. Four, all right. Well his face was very very good but I would say that's more shocking. Yeah, yeah. I think Michael just missed the brief. I think the shake made it more shocking. Shit. Have you ever felt like brown? When brown things happen. When you're going round the brown. Have you heard the brown about the brown and the brown brown? He browned and browned. And browned inside her. People that wholesome are really getting used to the me adding brown to songs and singing them and round the twists is one I throw out regularly. They're frustrated yet they enjoy it. All right so it's one all. The next emotion is funnily enough Michael is shocking. Extreme shock and Michael is first. All right like extremely shocking. Like you've seen something really really shocking. Three, two, one, go. That's pretty good. That's pretty fucking good. All right Matt, extremely shocked in three, two, one. Shit man it's a tough one. That's a very close one. Look I think Michael just had it. All right two one. Yes two one, two Michael currently. All right next face should suit you Matt. All right extremely horny. Extremely horny face. This is good. Like you just must fuck. Must fuck. Yeah three, two, one. Oh man he's good at that dude. He's fucking good at that. Imagine that looking at you from across a nightclub. I'm trying to channel this. All right. Michael horny in three, two, one. That is fucking ridiculous. That's a zero killer. Yeah dude that's fucking terrifying man. No that's in terms of hitting the brief I'd have to say Matt one that one. Shit I always go off the shake. You got a bit of a lip by like two all and the final one. Oh no fuck it's down off. You are extremely scared. I want to see your extreme scared face. Can you have a sound in there? What was the first one we did? No just must be a face. Hey what's the first one we did? Sad. All right Michael you're up. What was the second one we did? Surprised shot horny and now scared. All right ready? Three, two, one. That's very good. That's very good. All right Matt. Extremely scared in three, two, one go. Yeah it's not bad not bad but I'm gonna have to give that one to Michael. Really? Yeah yeah the scared Michael. I didn't think you were scared at all. It's a score do I win? Yeah that's a win to Michael. But look to be to let's let's let's maintain some integrity in this competition. We can't let things unravel. All right Michael cheated last week. We can't forget that. We're just a little bit off. That's a that's tampering. So look I'm gonna I'm gonna by default have to give Matt from last week which would have made it 14 also now it's 15-14 to Michael. Next time I'm not gonna fucking say it. Yep 100% and who knows he probably has cheated in previous episodes so just keep an eye out. Look at the brown fondling with his garden wrist. His garden wrist. Is there such a thing? Yeah there's two. All right let's move right It's time for Matt Brown's Tinder Adventures. And this is a segment where we have taken over Matt Brown's Tinder and we talk to the girls for him and get him matches and get him get him bitches and sex and dates and he loves it and he's yeah yeah he loves it because he can't do it himself. He's getting all the slots. Oh I am. I am not getting any slots. I get nothing out of this. Oh yeah you choose to do nothing with them but they are presented to you only golden platter mate. More like a broken platter. Yeah a broken shard of glass and meth and mints. Now we have an update. Oh yeah yeah this was so funny when someone in our I figure oh no it was a friend sent me a screenshot of this group this Facebook group and it's finally happened. I'm glad it has of this Facebook group saying like look at this creep like this. This guy spoke to on Tinder like and took a screenshot of a conversation and then posted it and the comments underneath was so fucking funny. It was that daddy one. I've literally got the conversation. Let me read it to you okay and then I'll tell you where she posted from and then I kept talking to her after. Oh so she didn't post the whole thing. I did see something where she I think it was her saying oh I trolled him after it and then no that was a different person. That was a different person who thinks that she was she caught on that I was like fucking with her early on. So there's two people that said they've matched with me on that. Oh yeah yeah I think there'd be multiple multiple people but anyway some of the comments were just like um this man definitely has this has dvd like domestic violence and he's a pedophile calling him a pedophile. Like all this crazy shit they were ripping Matt to shreds you know comedian or not this is not funny this is disgusting. What a pig of a man so all these hundreds of weird things that Matt legitimately said this to this woman. So it's work. By the way dumb it's working daddy sees something he likes daddy wants to take you out seriously does that even work? Daddy senses some attitude don't make daddy upset you know what happens when daddy gets cross and cranky. Seriously and then that's the conversation she talked and posted in the group and then after seeing this I found the conversation and I continued the conversation and then I say this so she's posted about this so she's posted about this so she's posted about you online now and um and tried to humiliate you in front of hundreds of women which she did she did humiliate 18 000 to be exact. Yeah look I'm sorry I don't really know what I'm doing new to dating and I can't seem to get my banter going how was it weekend did you watch Riverfire? No. Lol my weekend has been good so far today's my birthday so just enjoying the day how's your weekend going? Oh wow happy birthday I can pop off to the shops and get you a present if you like what do you want for your birthday? My weekend has been okay I had a massive fight with mum yesterday which is kind of giving me massive anxiety. No. New car will do lol I hope I hope you sort things out with your mum. You can just have my car I have a 2001 Suzuki Swift that I don't drive much anymore. Yeah I think we'll sort it out I just find it so embarrassing when she starts breastfeeding my baby stepbrother in front of my mates half the time her tits just hanging out there and rattle my baby brother isn't even feeding so she's literally just sitting there holding rattle with a tit flopped down and talking to my mates who then obviously make fun of me when she's gone like am I crazy for asking her to just go to another room? No that's totally understandable. I know right but it's natural and I'm being immature anyway I'm sure you don't want to hear about my mum issues haha and he plans for your birthday and then she hasn't replied. Dude that is f**ked if she honestly thinks your brother's name is Rattle R-A-D-D-L-E. Rattle. How could she come back to the conversation after what she did to me? After what she did to me? She's just sitting there with that in the back of her mind like I just f**king roasted this in front of so many women. It would be so good if that's the girl that you married one day. If somehow that's the one. Rattle. Oh man that is an interesting name. What was that beautiful word you said before? Wailed? Wailed. Wailed. Do we hear anything back about the one about the dumb kid? No nothing didn't hear anything about mainland justice friend. Damn I'm really hoping she says something though. Anyway here's another one. So Matt starts the conversation. Bulk maggots in my bins. Any advice? Switch it with the neighbours. Done thanks for that. So how was your weekend? Have you been standing up or sitting down more? Perfect I would say a good half half but currently sitting down. The neighbour on my other side saw me swapping my bin with my other neighbour and she shook her head. Do you think that means she wants to f**k me? I'm curled up in a ball on my kitchen floor struggling to breathe. Too much mulch. 100% she does. Too much mulch? I just put a note in her mailbox saying I know you want to f**k me but I'm married. Yeah I've been mulching my garden and I've been breathing in the dust. I think I should have worn a mask or something because now it's quite hard to breathe. Feels like pressure in my lungs a bit. Ha ha make sure you're there to see the response. Oh yeah that doesn't sound good hey. I keep coughing now too. Really hard. My come I made actually. She's a nurse. She might have some advice. Yeah that's probably a good idea. I'm fully short of breath now. My brother is coming to take me to the hospital. Holy s**t I can't believe this is happening. Yeah that is a bit intense. I'm f**ked. They've just put me on an oxygen mask and are rushing me in to get a chest x-ray. I'll keep you posted. I still really want to get to know you. Might not be able to message you for a bit. No that's okay. You take care of yourself. And then I didn't reply that night and change she messages the next morning. How are you doing? Oh my god. I spent the night in emergency. They're still running tests. I'm hooked up to a ventilator. They did a chest x-ray and found large amounts of mulch embedded in my lungs. It's really hard to flush it out though so they're considering surgery. F**king hell I wish I didn't inhale so deeply with my mouth as wide open as possible. I could feel bits going in but I had no idea it was dangerous. Holy s**t I didn't know that that could happen. Yeah it's really rare but it's because I had literally had my mouth stretched open as far as it can go and was breathing in as deeply and quickly as possible. So dumb of me. I could feel the dust going down my throat. I'm kind of scared now. But why are you wide mouth breathing fast? I was really puffed and my nose is blocked and I kind of like the smell and taste of mulch so I didn't think anything. I just kept breathing hard and fast with my mouth stretched open towards absolute limit and then she replies laughing right I make sense I'm sorry you go from serious to like what the f**k and the image I have in my head is pretty hilarious. Yeah I was not expecting this well what the f**k I can't believe our conversation has literally started like this. Doctor just said they might have to keep me overnight again. I f**king hate hospitals. Make it fun, chat up the old nurses and the old ones, make their day. It's hard for people to understand me because of the oxygen mask but I'll try and hit on them by getting as erect as possible and just nodding at it when they come in. Don't forget the wink. Raise an eyebrow look down then nod and wink and grin. Ha ha. Perfect. Thank you for being so cool about this. I know it's probably a bit weird but you've actually helped me while I was freaking out. I legit thought I was going to die for a bit yesterday. Ha ha. Would have offered to come save you but thought that would have been a bit weird. Can you imagine if we get married and people ask us how we met? That's if I survive this. Fingers crossed. Wow what a story. What are you wearing? Jeans? I'm wearing a hospital gown. I'm sprinkling hair into my bedpan or I've been shitting so the nurses think I shitted of air. See I knew you'd have fun. Droplets of steam. Droplets of steam pulling on my arched back, string dangling from my mouth and I pretend that I'm invisible. Do you have a fever? I open my mouth and the sound of an airplane taking off comes out. I sling my arm at you and gesture towards my ball. My ball is huge and the skin is tight and smooth. Maggot's writhe and I lose vision. Stay with me. Keep going. I arch my back more and more until my spine snaps in half and I can rest my head on my ass. I vomit huge black tits out and start talking about the economy. It's written on my skin and my eyes pop. Well you're a basket of entertainment. Maggot's explode from my ball and the stench renders the nurses unconscious. My family asked to turn life support off but I'm not even on it. Emotional trauma creates rage and my brain bleeds. I'm not human anymore. I am mulch. That is the best story ever so I want to see this hospital again. Hey sorry for the slow replies. I've been getting harassed at work. My boss feels me. So this is a few days later now. This is like I didn't talk to her for like four days and so I come back with hey sorry for the slow replies. I've been getting harassed at work. My boss feels me. Oh you have quite the life don't you? It's making me hook two fingers into each one of my eye sockets and pull down with all my power. I'm still smiling while I do it though. And she's like she just said well I hope you got what you needed. Have a good one. Which kind of made me feel a bit bad because she realized that I was lying about the whole mulch thing and I was just like you've just converted to it. At this fucking breakdown and now you're mulched. I can't believe she's hung on. I wish once she said that like oh I'm to wink down and like she gave you the tip with the erection to try and wink at him about your erection. Which she said that you took her advice and now you're getting arrested or some shit. Oh but still fuck that was one of the best ones. I really enjoyed that. That was fucking quality. Oh man Matt starts with. I was neglected as a child so I'll have to put up with some pretty toxic behaviors of mine. How are you? And then she didn't reply. And then I replied a few days later. I said how are you? I know I heard you. Well why wouldn't you just even reply it's just common courtesy. If you weren't so fucking attractive I would have snapped my phone in half. Your intro message just didn't catch my attention enough. Well glad something something stopped you from snapping your phone. Can't be replacing phones left right and centre in this economy. I just like to let people know that I'm a really toxic person so that I'm not wasting my time with anyone who can't handle that. I want to smear my scent on you so other alpha males know your mind. Good for you and your toxicity. Not sure if the world needs more of that though. And wouldn't say I can't handle it more than I'd rather have a drama free life. You can keep dreaming about doing that. It's not like I'm being toxic on purpose. Some people are born tall. Some people are born with brown hair. And some people are born with a really toxic personality. It's not really my fault. I would change it if I could. Where did you judge me when I'm just trying to be honest? Can we make out? I wouldn't say I'd agree with that statement. Toxic traits are something people learn from their environments and influential people in their lives. So in that case you could change if you really wanted to but hey that's a you thing. Not for anyone else to fix or slash change. And never judgemental. Takes more than a few messages to get a make out. That's not true. Some people are born narcissists or psychopaths regardless of environmental factors. Like I had a crazy loving childhood. My mum and dad were so attentive to me but I drowned our pet cat in a puddle of my own urine and blamed it on my dumb fat sister. But anyway let's talk about you. Why are you single? You're beyond sexy and I want you. Oh my god. Well that's the million dollar question now isn't it? Partly because it's my choice to be to be but also there's some pretty toxic emotionally unavailable people out there. Oh that's perfect. We sound like a great mash then. Can we go to dinner as long as the place isn't too expensive? And how do you get that we would be a good match? Because you say you choose toxic people and I'm super toxic. Once when I was a kid I lied to mum and told her dad was abusing me. They fully had a massive argument. Does that turn you on then I'm a bit evil. I never said that was a good thing and actually does the opposite. Oh come on. We both know how freaky things would get if we slapped our naked bodies together. Squelching and mashing our sweaty hot bags together. Oh stop. Keep dreaming there Maddie boy. Slippery skin sliding around on each other. Bulging slimy packets of meat losing control and slopping into open mouth holes. I know this is driving you crazy. More like insane and not in a good way. Hard fallous journeys towards wetness and we roar like lions. Again keep dreaming. Opening fount and my essence is injected. My wings explode out of my lats and I take flight. Another bag fills I scream as I fly away. Should I ride back to that? He's got wings. He's back. Another bag filled. He's so rough. He's calling her a bag. Soft. Oh my god man that was some good ones. I really enjoyed that. All right let's move right along everybody. Can you wear that wig at your wedding? Yeah I think I might wear this outfit. Let's have a quick bong break bong break and we'll be back with Q&A's. All right guys it's time for Q&A and there's a segment where we answer the questions that you leave on the mighty mark of fully actual youtube channel. We answer the most like questions first and once you're done commenting your question have a scroll from like the other questions you want us to answer man. All right guys let's do it. You have all the questions and we have all the answers and we've got lots of dances for you. That sounded like a little horse galloping. That should be the sound that plays instead of our senses. It'd be too light. All right first question is from Brian Layton and he has asked how do you know that? Are you fucking with me? Man come on. Did you read the questions? All this shit the doughnuts are fine aren't we? Yeah! Yeah! It is from Joe Listicen. List taken. Brian Layton and he's asked. Depending where he's from. Question for the pod. What do Matt's co-workers think about one of their fellow employees hoarding his baby gravy in a bottle? Yeah. I'm gonna put it out there and say maybe one of them knows and the rest don't and I'll hide that forever. But like what if they watch? If they watch I mean there's a kid Aiden at work. He says he watches it a lot. I don't know if he actually does. Aiden watches it a lot so he must know but he's never mentioned it so I don't know. What would happen if you pushed him up against the wall on the male's toilets and just patched it? I'm just picturing him watching this fit right now. I don't know. He probably fucked me up. He loves his UFC. He'd probably take me down and try and choke me out in the toilet. Well watch out Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. Aiden. If you if I are alone with Matt just know he's thinking about pinning you against the wall and kissing your mouth as hard as he can. You should surprise him and do it. Whenever you're alone with him he wants to kiss you hard. Oh no stop. I don't want him to see this. Grab you by the collar. Oh no stop. You by the cock. Oh stop. No. No. None of that. No cock. He's gonna finger you Aiden. You went too far. You've gone too far. Next question. Next question is from Mark Howden. Seven one six one. Are you guys back doing streaming on Twitch or are you guys having a break to focus on other things like the website? Yeah it's hard to fit in time. Yeah we were going once a week for a little while but now like you get to the end of the week and you're like that's like we'd love to end our weeks doing it and that's the goal but like even though it's like today but we're just what do you mean? It's fucking it's 20 to 8 p.m. and we haven't even finished that day. You guys wormed for like an hour? Yeah dude we needed to have a rest after filming for fucking from fucking 9 a.m. to fucking 4 p.m. You're out of sleep. I did have a sleep. I went blind dude. I've been standing up too much. It's been a big day. It's been a big week and Aiden if you're watching no he will stop not use a condom. Oh my god raw dog yeah but yeah we are going to try and do more twitching it's just we need to find time. It's going to take me to HR. You have other... Alright next question is from Dylan's 2376. I doubt it but go on. Who's everyone's hall pass sorry Matt. Why is it sorry Matt? Because I haven't got anyone to have a hall pass to go on. Oh right right right right right right right right so hall pass do you know what that means? Who you would get to fuck? Other than your wife? It's the fucking dude. Who he directed E.T. Steven Spielberg? That guy. I'd probably go fucking Margot Robbie is very fucking smoking hot. Matt who would you go? Well if I had a girlfriend. I reckon you'd go Peter Stirling no. Peter Helia. Nobody knows who Peter Helia is. Look him up that's Matt's hall pass I reckon. I've had a hall pass. I don't know. What's the Grunde girl? Steven Spielberg? Arianna Grunde. Oh yeah yeah she is. Holy fuck she is. What about the guy from Prison Break? Yeah dude he's Australian. I would. He also plays the devil in Blade 3. Okay Matt don't you just get all moody on us. Don't know that shit. Show me what you've got Blade. Next question man quickly. It rain it rain. Raining down on us. It rain. The next one is from Rybalk7. Do you guys think there's a chance of getting Chris Lily on the podcast? Yeah I saw the top comment from that was top comment. Yeah yeah what the fuck like yes obviously we would love to get Chris Lily on but he's like super introverted really like a lucive guy who is like a genius so like why the fuck would he come on here? But yeah obviously we would love to get Chris Lily on. When I saw that I was like thought that there's something sort of mind trick by them to make us think that he knew them or he had spoken to them. Yeah it's like a very good lie. I reckon he knows you. No wait I checked on Instagram he doesn't. You might not follow you but I reckon he knows you are. Yeah but like he wouldn't like it. I was hanging out with him the other day and he didn't know. You were hanging out with him the other day. Yeah he has no idea who we are. Yeah Michael hung out with him for like eight hours though when went on dinner and he had no idea who Michael was the whole time. No but yeah Chris Lily was nice and if he did see our online shit he'd probably be like like that's kind of shit. How do you know? Because it's like we're just like you know we film we just fuck with each other and do silly little things. Can you message him and just see what happens? I will call him. I'll hang out with him again this weekend. I'll message him right now. Just say hey we've got a podcast and our fans want you. Sent. Yeah that's good. I've seen. Oh shitting. Wow imagine that. He'd be an Instagram addict. He'd just be like straight away. Yes I'm coming. Yes I'm coming. And then we hear a knock at the door. And he'll hover through. All right that's a Q&A done everyone. Let's move right along to the prank call. Oh I know we have PO box. All right PO box guys. This is where we do we have a thing for that? We don't have a jingle for that. No we don't. Do you reckon? Do you reckon you know how we do with the sponsors? Yes. And we get a little thing pop up on the screen. Do you reckon we can do that with our PO box? PO box 256 Taigum 4018. Okay if you want to send us shit we open it live on the podcast. It's always there when it's on match shot. You'll see it's next to his head. And also like Matt will eat anything you send. He just put petrified shit in his mouth. And that chili fucked you up the other week. Almost. Man wigs are so fucking itchy. I've adapted. Hot. All right this is from Carlton. You have and we have and we've got. Actually there's no name on this so it could be anthrax. Oh shit. We've been wanting anthrax for so long. Please stop saying that. Scares me. It's such a bad death dude. Like I've looked it up. Oh dude don't tell me about it. Oh stop talking about it. Because someone out there will be like boy this looks like it could be good. Oh it's maple syrup. Dude that looks really yum. Oh it's from this must be from Canada. No maybe not. Wow show the camera. Isn't that beautiful? Maple syrup read it. Read it Matt Brown. It does say I can't say the name it's Wapoo's Wapoo's Estates Winery. Oh no it's in Ontario. Is that Ontario? Yeah that's Canada. Can you read that? Oh there's other things in here. It could be dirty. Show me I'm getting bored of that one. So this is 100% pure maple syrup. Dude I'm gonna try this. I need to see that. Dude I gotta try this. This is 100%. Wait be careful I don't know. I don't know. I smell that. Oh my god that smells so good. Oh wow I enjoy that one again. Oh boys there's so much in here. Oh there's a note. There's a note here. Hang on. Do not eat the maple syrup. Oh hang on there's more. Oh look a little Canada magnet. I love magnets. I've been thinking of getting a magnet collection going and this could be it. No this is I can't really say what it is but it's hair from the body. It's pubic hair. You wouldn't say pubic hair can't we? I don't know. We'll put it with a jar. Thank you so much over Sinister's. It's everything that we need. We'll add this to the collection. And I also got a mug from Tim Hortons. There's a little chip in it. It got a bit damaged but Tim Hortons. Dude this maple syrup is gonna go great on our bacon. Holy shit. And a magnet. That's a kind gift. There's a note. It's like all thoughtful things. There's a note here. Thank you so much dude or lady who I've seen it. All the writings. Quite, quite, quite, quite. All right. Hey boys. Thank you all. Thank you for all the laughs. You are given through out of the years. This is hard to read. And on the podcast. Love listening to it in the gym. Oh fuck. Love listening to it at the gym but become I get a lot of laughter when I'm there. Especially with Matt's Tinder adventures. I've included some goodies from both home for you boys. And sorry Matt. The leaf is a magnet. And not a sticker. But dude I love it. I love it. The magnet is going to put it on my fridge. Also couldn't bring myself to send pubes. And so also beard hairs. Ah okay. Beard hairs are included. That's different. Thank you dude. Can't wait to see you. Can't wait to see you legends live. Are you coming to the live? Wow. That's dedication. If you come to the live dude that's that's a big trip. Sincerely Mike, P.S. Fla la la la la la la la la la la la la. We'll see you at the podcast little finale. Dude thank you Mike. That'll be fucking great. We'll see him in like two months. Yeah that smells man. It's so quick. That's going to come around like that. The man this you got everything goes fast bro. One week's like that gone boom. Just the other fucking like two hours ago was Monday and now it's fucking Friday. You can put your coffee in here. Yeah. All right. That's P.O. Box down. Thank you very much everyone. That's so crazy. All right everybody. Man it's time for our final segment and our new segment has an incredible new sponsor. This prank call segment is brought to you by Mother Energy Drinks. Get it up ya. They got all sorts of flavors. They got the kiwi sublime. They got the original. You got the fucking you got the fucking zero sugar ones. You got all these kinds of different ones. So bloody go. Sooner the convenience store gets caffeine in your throat. So many pretty colors. So for this week's prank call let's call a restaurant and making an order and while I'm ordering I will be screaming for help. Hey man can I please make a pick up order? Is that okay? You guys still open? Okay we'll go later. Yeah can I please get... Let's start with like one of the honey chickens. You guys have honey chicken right? Help me. Yeah one honey chicken? Yeah no problem. Help me. Help me. Help me. And does that usually come with rice or do I have to get rice on the side? You need all the steamed rice or fried rice? Let's go fried rice for the honey chicken. Help me. Help me. Help me please. Help me. And then I'll also get... You guys got Mongolian beef right? Are you all right sir? Mongolian beef? One fried rice. So one... And one Mongolian beef. One fried rice. Yeah one honey chicken. One Mongolian beef. Help. Help me. I'm in trouble here. Help me. Something's not right. Help me. Do you guys do any of those like for entrees have any of those spring rolls? One serving of spring rolls? Yeah one serving of spring rolls please. Help. Help me. Hey. Look at me. My life is in danger. What was that sorry? Are you all right sir? Yeah yeah. Sorry I'm just asking what the other family members want. Just one second. Okay. Help me. Holy shit. I'm fucking dying. I'm not even kidding. You need to come right now. Help me. Help me. And can I also get... What's the other beef one you guys have? Like the sizzling Sichuan beef or some shit? Sichuan beef. Yeah yeah. Sichuan beef. Right. And so I'll need to get another couple. Oh my god. What was that? Do you need to ring back? No no I'm ready to order now. Good. You should ring back or he's screaming for help. Oh it's like that's how you talk to your family. That's how you find out what they want to eat. That guy's a terrible citizen. Yeah he did ask you all right sir. He actually yeah he was like you all right sir. I thought he said you want... Oh did he say that? Are you all right sir? I didn't hear that. I thought he said um are you right like to order? Oh no I'm pretty sure he did check up but then... Damn man I wish I heard that because then I would have been like no man I'm not all right. I'm actually in quite a lot of danger right now. What did my Matt Brown tinder voice for some reason? Yeah that's really you. Oh man this rain sorry if you guys didn't hear the rain it is really plummeting. Yeah it's pelting down but anyway that prank calls brought to you by mother energy drinks that's the end of the podcast everybody we hope you enjoyed it don't forget tickets to our live show are in the description all right there's only like 277 of them so get in quick because they've already been on sale to our website members don't forget to like comment subscribe please come five star review please give us a five star review on Spotify man please buy a ticket please please there's gonna be merch there too with best with best some weird shit's gonna happen