 Ladies and gentlemen, Dennis Day is brought to you by Palm Olive Soap and Colgate Dental Cream. Palm Olive Soap, your beauty hope, and Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. The Dennis Day show with Barbara Eiler, B. Benadera, Dinktrap, George Dunning in the Orchestra and yours truly, Vern Smith, is written by Frank Galen and stars our popular young singer in A Day in the Life of Dennis Day. Here's Dennis to sing, you were only fooling. Palm Olive Soap is giving away prizes worth $67,000, a grand prize of $25,000 in one lump sum or $100 a month for life. And that's not all. There are over 2,000 prizes in Palm Olive's Big Treasure Chest Contest, board sedan, resting house laundromat, prom silver fox scarf, toast master toaster, and it's easy to enter, complete the last line of this jingle. A fresher, brighter looking skin is something I would like to win. I'll get Palm Olive Soap today, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Write your last line on a plain sheet of paper or use an official entry blank giving complete rules obtainable at your dealers. Include your own and dealer's name and address and mail with the big word Palm Olive from the front of the wrapper of one regular and one bath size cake of Palm Olive Soap to Box 92, New York 8, New York. Now here's the jingle once more. A fresher, brighter looking skin is something I would like to win. I'll get Palm Olive Soap today, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Mail your entry to Palm Olive Box 92, New York 8, New York. But hurry, your last chance contest closes next Saturday. Get Palm Olive Soap for a lovelier complexion. Remember, doctors prove Palm Olive's beauty results. In this great land of ours, there are three glorious American traditions shared by nearly every family, which have truly transformed America into the land of hope. They are freedom of speech, the right to vote, and the rich relative. Now to our friend Mrs. Anderson, the last of these has always seemed the most important since in the Anderson household, the right to vote is exercised but once a year and freedom of speech is limited strictly to Mrs. Anderson. So we can understand her excitement this morning as she bursts in on her spouse clutching a letter in her hand. Herbert! Herbert! Is that a flower? Look, this letter. Remember my dear rich, sweet darling loaded Aunt Prunella with a two million dollars? Guess what? She passed away? No, she's feeling fine. Oh, my deepest sympathies. Herbert, is that anything to say? You know I'm glad Aunt Prunella's well. I hope she lives to be ninety. How old is she now? Eighty-nine? No. Now listen, she writes she's going to be out this way. I haven't seen her in 25 years and she's never met you. You're going to wire her to come and live with us for as long as she likes. Live with us? But Poopsy, you don't even like the woman. I've heard you say yourself that she's an old drip. Yes, but let's not forget what she's ripping with. And this is our big chance to get into that will, but good. But Poopsy, there isn't even any place for her to sleep. Unless you move Dennis out of his room and give her that. Are you crazy? I wouldn't give Dennis's room to a dog. She's going to sleep in your room and you're going to sleep in Dennis's room. Our young hero, of course, is at this point blissfully unaware of his impending dispossession. We find him in his room looking at a newspaper as Mildred enters. Oh, hi, Miller. Hi, Dennis. Going through the help wanted ads again? Oh, no. This is just a copy of my old high school paper. I saved it because my picture was on the front page. Oh, gosh, you look very handsome. Oh, sure. Cameras don't lie. But all it says under the picture is this is Dennis' day of the freshman class. Uh-huh. Oh, gee, the fact that you were in the freshman class doesn't sound like front page news. It is when you've been in it for five years. And is your picture in all these other papers, too? Oh, no. I saved them because my sports articles are in them. I used to be a sports reporter for the paper. Honestly? Sure. I was really good, too. Listen to this. At two this afternoon, Hooper's Town High and Jackson High clashed in the most vicious contest these old eyes have ever seen. It was man against man, heart versus heart, in a grim, bitter struggle which saw each player push himself beyond the limits of human endurance, regardless of consequences. I wrote that. Why, Dennis, that's wonderful. Well, it was a pretty exciting checker game. My goodness, Dennis, if you can write like that, why don't you try and get a job on the Weaverville Bugle? You mean with a real newspaper? Why not? Someday you might even have a column of your own. Give me one good reason why you couldn't be a Fulton Lewis Jr. Of course, his mother saw Fulton Lewis Sr. first. Oh, it's silly, Milrid. Do you think a newspaper would really hire me? All you need is confidence in yourself. Go into that editor's office and tell him you're the greatest newspaper man in the world. You're the star reporter of all time. Right, Collie, maybe you're right. I've seen enough newspaper men in the movies. I like just like one. I'll take a couple of sips of cleaning fluid, stagger in and hiccup right in his face. You'd like a job with my paper, young man. That's right, pal. Scoop's Day is the name. Greatest reporter who ever lived. If it's stories you want, I'll dig them up for you. I see. So you're a leg man, eh? Pardon? I said so you're a leg man. No, sir. Even if I was, it wouldn't do me much good with the new look. You did say that, didn't you? Let it go. I couldn't possibly have heard right. Well, tell me about your experience, Mr. Day. Have you ever been on a daily sheet? Oh, no. We change hours only once a week. You know something, Mr. Day? You're beginning to fascinate me. Really? Yes. Now, a good reporter should be well up on the world situation today. What have you to say on the subject of, say, Russia? Russia? Yes. Tell me about Russia. It gets very cold there. Just the stuff our readers want. Anything else on Russia? Well, just that it's good there is a Russia because there are so many Russians that if there weren't a Russia, where would they all go? They don't call you scoops for nothing, do they? Well, what do you know about Japan? Well, Japan is different from Russia. Isn't it, though? Yeah, it's much warmer and has fewer Russians. How few people have ever noticed that? You're a sharp one, scoops. Oh, I just keep my eyes and ears open. Yes, but I still get the feeling there must be a leak somewhere. Oh, forget it. This is fun. I was going to ask you a question about the Berlin situation, but I know just what you'd say. That he's written better songs than anyone else in the business. Well, he has, hasn't he? He has indeed. And now, suppose we turn to politics for a while, huh? Well, I really don't know much about politics as I do about the foreign stuff. Oh, come now. No modesty, scoops. Oh, really? Why don't you try me on sports? Oh, please, Mr. Day, I'm conducting this interview and I feel you'd be much funnier on politics. Now, tell me, what do you think President Truman's chances are of being re-elected this November? Oh, go on. You know very well he's been re-elected already. Why, scoops, you shocked me. You knew that, huh? Certainly. And I know who lost, too. Do we? This is very disappointing. And I know why. It's just as well he did lose it. Huh? Well, maybe this is something. But why? Because now he can go back and finish capturing Manila. I knew it. You're brilliant. How do I start work, huh? When? Hey, Mr. Day, I'm afraid I have a shock for you. You've given me the most enjoyable afternoon of my life, but I just can't see my way clear to putting you on the staff. Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry. Goodbye, Mr. Day. It's been awfully frightening to have met you. Wait, please. There must be something I can do on the paper. Some assignment I can... Oh, excuse me just a second. I'll be right back. Yes, sir? Beauty editor here. I got a complaint. My name is Homer Applegate, and I sent in a letter to the Lovelorn column two weeks ago, and I ain't had no answer. Oh, yes. Well, you see, our advice to the Lovelorn editor left us a few weeks ago to go to Reno for a divorce. And, uh... We haven't been able to replace her yet. But I got a problem. I wrote in saying my initials are HA, and I want to know what to do about my wife. How long ago I have to go on living like a dog? Oh, now I'm sure you're exaggerating, Mr. Applegate. Oh, I am, hon. We'll take a look at the sandwich you made for my lunch. My goodness, a spoonful of strong heart between two puppy biscuits. Yeah, I want an answer to that letter. You understand? Well, we'll do our best, Mr. Applegate, but you see, we haven't been able to find anyone with the weird type of mind necessary to... Wait a minute. It's warmer and has fewer Russians. And Mr. Applegate, your answer will be in the paper tomorrow. You mean I won't have to live this kind of a life no more? It's a promise, and here's my paw on it. And now, excuse me, please. Oh, okay, pal. Oh, you're still here. Yes, sir. Good. My boy, I've interviewed you on foreign affairs and politics. Now I want to speak to you of love. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm already engaged. No, but I think I have a job for you. How would you like to be head of your own department on my editorial staff? Boy, oh boy, with my own office? You bet. And on the door, it'll say in guilt letters, private. Miss Abigail Allen. Do you think I'm built right first time like that? Of course. You're going to be our advice to the Love Lord editor. Oh, my gosh. Stay right here. I'll be back in a minute with a copy of what every young boy should know. We'll continue this day in the life of Dennis Day in a moment or two. Meanwhile, here's Dennis to sing his RCA Victor recording of, I'd love to live in love land. Abigail Allen in charge of the Love Lord column on We Were Built Leading Daily. But let's leave him for a moment and return to the Anderson House from which a Western Union boy is now running madly away after delivering a telegram to Mrs. Anderson. Don't get so head up. Oh, kissing the Western Union boy that way. I can't help it. She's my favorite aunt and just looted with my favorite stuff. Uh, the wire didn't say when she'd arrive, though, did it? No, just soon. That could... Come on, we've got to get busy moving you into Dennis' room and Dennis into the cellar. All right, Abigail. Incidentally, where's he been keeping himself? I've seen very little of him lately. Oh, I don't know. He has some mysterious job he won't tell anyone about. Just hints that he's making money by using his head. Really? I wonder if he made a deal for it with some medical school. He asked me over to your office, Dennis. I think it's just beautiful. Oh, thanks, noted. Oh, I'm so proud of you. How do you like being Abigail Allen? Well, it's kind of confusing sometimes. I never know which room to use when I want to wash my hands. But I may not have that problem much longer. The boy said he didn't like my first column yesterday and it would have to improve. That's really why I asked you to come over here. Oh, well, maybe I can help. Give me what you wrote yesterday that the boss didn't like. Okay, here's the first letter I got. Dear Miss Abigail, a few years ago I met a man who told me he was all alone in the world and I said so was I, so we got married. Then when he moved in, he presented me with seven kids by a previous marriage. It's not that I mind him lying, but we have very little room on account of the six kids I had. Now, my problem is his seven kids and my six kids are always beating up our four kids. What'll I do, sign lonely? Oh, my goodness, what did you tell her? Oh, I'll read it to you. Dear Lonely, I suggest you have five more children immediately. According to my aiding machine, you now have 17 kids. Five more will give you 22 or enough for two football teams. This will keep the kids occupied. This will leave you and your husband free to raise another team to play the winner. Seems like pretty solid advice, doesn't it? Read another one. Okay, listen. Dear Miss Abigail, my initials are HA and my wife is leading me a dog's life. For 24 years she has browbeat me something terrible. I want to be a man and have some respect around the house. Please advise me, sign, be willed. Oh, I hope... Dennis, wait a minute. What were those initials again? HA. And he says he's been married 24 years? Yeah. Dennis, you don't think that... I mean, could that letter possibly be from Daddy? Your father? Well, his initials are HA and he's been married 24 years. What if this letter says his wife browbeats him and his? Well, he says he wants to be a man and your father's a... Gee, now I know how they can hang a man on circumstantial evidence. Dennis, it's got to be Daddy. How did you answer it? Oh, I'll read it. Dearby Wildard, your wife's love has obviously cooled and you must rekindle the flame by making her jealous. Hire some other woman to come into your home on a strictly business basis, of course. And when your wife sees a strange woman at the breakfast table from her every morning, she might get the idea that you have an outside interest. Well, thank Heaven you advise something so ridiculous he'll never do anything like that. You don't think so? Come worried. Well, don't be. He knows that if he ever did such a thing it wouldn't only make mother jealous, she'd break up their home. Yeah, all over them. Nobody home? I wonder where the folks went, Dennis. Gee, I don't know. Notice how clean the place looks though. You don't suppose your father's expecting company, do you? I told you not to worry about that silly advice you gave. Come on, let's go out in the kitchen and pick some hot chocolate. Okay, I'll have some right, Chris, at nine. Oh, you answer, Dennis. I'll be in the kitchen. Okay. Uh, yes? Oh, hello. I'm through, Dennis Wilkins. Of course, you couldn't possibly be Herbert Anderson. That's your age. Oh, no, ma'am. I won't even be him at his age. I'm Dennis Day. I live here. Oh, well, I'm sure we'll get along fine when I move in. When you... you're moving in? Why, certainly. Herbert Anderson wired and asked me to live here. Holy smoke, so he is a dope. I beg your pardon? I... excuse me a minute. I'll be right back. Have a seat. Mildred, Mildred, my advice. She's out there. The woman, your father sent for her. Oh, I tell you, there's no fool like an old fool when he listens to a young fool. Dennis, are you serious? She's here, Mildred. She's ready to take up residence with two suitcases. Probably full of seductive black late red flannels to wear to breakfast. Dennis, we've got to get rid of her before mother gets back. It's our only chance. Tell her something, anything to get her out of here. Okay, I'll try. Sorry to have kept you waiting, ma'am. Oh, that's all right. Well, I'm rather tired. Do happen to know where I'll be staying here. No, it's kind of hard to tell. The last one he invited is under the rose bush. There's two under the garage floor and a couple of them. He just ran through the Mixmaster. What? What did you say? Oh, didn't you know about Mr. Anderson's hobby? Why? No. What hobby? Oh, he's sort of an amateur butcher. Not the kind that cuts up steers or chickens. He kind of specializes. Specializes? Yeah, only people. May I take your coat, please? Oh, you dumb man, are you crazy? Did you know what you're saying? Don't believe me, huh? Didn't you notice the front lawn as you came in? What about it? You don't think grass ever got that green from big row, do you? No, you must be mad. Like Clara wouldn't. She couldn't marry a man who... Who do you think helps him with his work? Clara Anderson. Better known in undertaking circles as Crocombe Good Clara, the cleaver kid. No. Yep, she cuts him and he grazes him. No, I know you're crazy. And if you think I'd stay in his house another instant with a mad man... Well, sorry to see you go, lady, but if that's the way you... Dennis, why have you got all the lights burnt? Don't you come near me, Clara Anderson. Now that I see you in a strong light, this boy could be telling the truth. What? Why, Aunt Punella, you... You keep away from me, too. You croaker, you... Me? I'm in the furniture business. I won't stay in his house one single second. I might have known you'd turn out this way, Clara Anderson. Aunt Punella, I... As a child, you used to pour ink into the goldfish bowls so the poor things couldn't see where they were swimming. I'm getting out of here before I wind up a pos... You know, Mrs. Anderson, it's possible I made some sort of a slight mistake. You... I might have known. What did you do? Come on, tell me what did you do? Gosh, I didn't know she was your aunt, Mrs. Anderson. I just wanted to save your marriage because I'm Abigail Allen and I saw the letter Mr. Anderson wrote and I thought that you... Wait a second. Did you say the letter I wrote? Sure. Aren't you bewildered? I'm putting it mildly. I don't know whether I'm... Well, I know what this one is doing. He's going. No, wait, Mrs. Anderson, we can call her back and straighten the whole thing out. I told her there were bodies under the front lawn. Tomorrow she can dig up the lawn for herself and naturally she won't find any bodies there. Oh, she won't. All right, so one puny little body. Clean your breath while it cleans your teeth. No other toothpaste cleans teeth better than Colgate Dental Cream. 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Now you can buy Colgate Dental Cream in the new big economy size. Saves you money over any other leading toothpaste. Get the new economy size Colgate Dental Cream at your dealer's only 59 cents. With George Dooning in the orchestra, here's Dennis to sing the lovely ballad, Until. Dennis Day Show brought to you by Parmalic Soap, Your Beauty Hope, and Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. Tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a lustre cream shampoo. Only lustre cream brings you K-Dumit's Magic Blend. Glamorizes your hair as you wash it. Yes, tonight, you can be a Dream Girl, Dream Girl Beautiful Luster Cream Girl You owe your crowning glory to Luster Cream Shampoo. Listen again next week to Colgate's Hour of Fun, Judy Canova, followed by Dennis Day. And for another great comedy program, hear Blondie next Wednesday evening over your favorite NBC station. This is Burnsmith speaking. Tonight, this is NBC, the national broadcasting company.