 show. And now Harold Perry as Honest Harold the Homemaker. Well let's look in on the little town of Melrose Springs, home of that popular radio entertainer Honest Harold the Homemaker. We find Harold preparing to play a new role today. His friend Pete the Marshall has to leave town and Harold has agreed to take his place at the jail for the day. At the moment our Marshall pro-tim has just finished a hearty breakfast and is ready to leave home to be sworn in. Well how do you like this outfit Mother? I guess I look like a regular Marshall huh? Oh yes you look very nice Harold. Thanks. Is that a ten gallon hat you're wearing? Oh no no only got five gallons but they threw in a grease job. What? Yeah a skipping mother. Yes sir I'll be the law and order in this town today. So watch your step mother don't get in any bingo games. Oh Harold you will be careful guarding all those prisoners some of them might be dangerous. Don't you worry Mother. Old Marshall hemp will handle the situation. If anybody tries and... Reach for a skycopper or I'll let you have it. Oh my goodness Marvin where do you learn things like that? I think he heard it on that radio program Mr. Keen loser of traced persons. Oh yeah never mind. Gee Harold wouldn't it be soft there's a bank robbery today and I could help you catch the crooks? What? We shoot at them. Bang bang. Yeah Marvin. They chase you around the bank. Bang bang. They shot me in the escrow department. Marvin go to school. Okay see you later. Yeah see you later. Well mother I guess it better go down and have Pete swear me in. Harold what if there should be a bank robbery today? Wouldn't worry me mother. I'm overdrawn four dollars and thirty cents. Well good morning Pete. Howdy Harold. Deputy Marshall hemp reporting for duty. Sure is nice of you to take my place today boy. Glad to do it Pete Before I go Harold I'd better swear you in as deputy. All right. Let me see. Oh here's the old office. All right now repeat after me Harold. I solemnly swear. I solemnly swear. To man my post with vigilance at all times. To man my post with vigilance at all times. To remove all burdeness before operating. To remove all burdeness Pete. What's this about burdeness? Well I declare I'm giving you the oath for tree surgeon. Very funny Pete. Now we don't have to go through all this for one day though. Just pin a badge on me. Well okay. Pete I'm a little new at this running a jail. Any special instructions on how to handle all the prisoners? No sure. We only got one prisoner boy. Oh his name is Clarence. Awful nice fella. Clarence. Yeah it used to be a famous second story man Harold. But he's kind of come down in the world. He caught him robbing a cellar. Cellar. What did he get? 30 days. Okay okay. Come on back to the cell Harold. I'll introduce you to it. Introduce me. You're certainly formal in this jail. Hey here we are. Hello Clarence. Oh hello Pete. Clarence I want you to meet Honest Harold Hymn. He's going to take my place today. How do you do Clarence? Hi pal. Yeah pal. I'm certainly familiar. Well Clarence I just know you and Harold will get along fine today. Well any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Thanks. I hate to see you go Pete. I'm gonna miss you. And I'll miss you Clarence. Oh for heaven's sake. Say is there anything you want me to bring you Clarence. Well I could use a saw. You hear that Harold. Ain't he a card. Yeah he sure is. I better keep an eye on that joker. This being Marshall isn't so bad. Just sit here with my feet on the desk. That Clarence certainly had his nerve wanting me to run out and get him a Hershey bar. Well I showed him. I got him one without any almonds. Oh well. Marshall I want to report a robbery. Well you came to the right place. Somebody stole my affection. Guess who. How's my big brave man getting along in his dangerous job. Well let me look at you. Oh you certainly make a handsome sheriff. Oh tall in the shadow. Just call me short in the swivel chair. Sure I see. Oh I bet you could sub you anybody with those. Certainly could. Gotcha. Well that's the most amazing thing I ever saw. You were on me just like a pimp. Yeah. Well for Bell I guess you're absolutely helpless. I wanted to see a little kiss. There's nothing you could do about it. Not a solitary thing. I'm your prison of love. Well here comes the law. Pucker up prisoner. Marvin. What do you want. Well thank you Marvin. Goodbye. What is it Marvin. Don't you think you better eat your lunch. Before it gets cold. Well I am I think I'd better be going. Will you unlock me now. But it's all right. Bye. Boys as a genius were showing up at the wrong time. Oh well. Wonder what mother sent me for lunch. Ham hocks and lime of beans with cornbread. Dear old mother. This is really going to. How's your lunch pal. That's pretty good. Clarence what are you doing out of yourself. I thought I locked you in. You did. But I got kind of lonesome so I picked a lock. You picked your way back in again. OK OK. Do I get my lunch pretty soon. You'll get it as soon as I finish mine. Well Pete always gave me my lunch first. He gets it from the busy B cafe around the corner. I know that class but you get right back in yourself. Oh brother ham hocks and lime of beans. Say I bet you didn't get that from any quick lunch counter. I didn't. My mother sent this down to me. Mother nobody can cook like mother can they. Well no guess they can't. But I wouldn't give to taste some real home cooking. Clarence you're blowing the beans off my plate. Yes I got carried away. So did the beans. Well I'll go back to myself and Clarence. I guess you are pretty hungry. Do you like a bite of my lunch. I couldn't go ahead. Here take this little piece of ham. Well thanks. It's not good. Say do you mind if I have a few beans to go with it. What. Say these are good too. Your mother sure can't cook. Yeah. Well guess I would you mind handing me that piece of cornbread but the other piece that one isn't buttered. Excuse me. Oh gee this is good. You know my mother used to cook just like this really. When did you see your mother last Clarence. Well Pout. The last time I seen it was a year ago today on a birthday. Today's your mother's birthday. Yeah yeah the 30th of April. This is the 30th of May. Oh yeah that's it may. Ah. Does your mother know your second story man. No she thinks I'm a window cleaner. She doesn't know I open them after I clean them. I see gosh this will be the first time in years I ain't been home to see my mother on a birthday really yeah I can just see her sitting in a rocking chair waiting for a boy to come home. You can. Yep. Just sitting there rocking waiting waiting and rocking. Clarence. Where does your mother live. Oh in a little town not far from here. What's the name of the town. Charlie bill that's it. Just a short bus ride. But what's the use of dreaming Clarence. There's a bus for Charlie bill in 15 minutes why don't you take it you mean that pal sure I don't want your mother to be disappointed on her birthday you could be back by six o'clock sure or G thanks so long oh oh say say pal yeah Clarence could you loan me five bucks for the bus fare but the bus fare is only a dollar nineteen cents yeah but what about my mother's birthday present. Never thought of that here you are thanks I see it's six so long so long. I certainly hope Clarence has a nice day with his mother say he couldn't have made that story up just so he could run away. That's silly. We will return for the second act of our story honest Harold in just a moment inflation is our worst enemy here at home but we can curtail it by producing more goods at no increase in price by buying only what we need at fair prices. Let's all join in the campaign to preserve American economy by fighting inflation. Be sure to listen for Harold Perry's honesty award announcement at the end of tonight's program. And now back to Harold Perry as honest Harold the homemaker. Well so far honest Harold has performed only one official act is temporary town Marshall. He is given Clarence the only prisoner in jail the day off to spend with his mother in nearby Charlieville. Right now Harold is at the radio station just finishing his afternoon homemaker program. His good deed is put him in a happy mood so we find him singing a happy song. Ask me how do I feel. Ask me now that we're cozy and clingy. Well sir all I can say is if I were a bell I'd be ringing from the moment we kissed tonight. That's the way I've just got to behave. For if I were a lamp I'd light or if I were a banner I'd wave. Ask me how do I feel little me with my quiet upbringing. Well sir all I can say is if I were a gate I'd be swinging. And if I were a watch I'd start popping my spring. Or if I were a bell I'd go ding dong ding dong ding. Ask me how do I feel. Ask me now that we're fondly caressing. Oh if I were a salad I know I'd be splashing my dressing. Or if I were a season I'd slowly be spring. Or if I were a bell. I said if I were a bell. Oh if I were a bell I'd go ding dong ding dong. Well for today girls this is Honest Harold signing off. Ta ta. See you tomorrow musicians. And Yasha watch it on those beats will you. Ask me how do I feel. I wonder how Clarence is getting along. Yasha makes you feel good to trust somebody. I don't care if Clarence is a second story man. I know he won't let me down. Why he's got the most. I mean Marshall Ham. Yeah what is it Lauren. Did you hear about the big robbery downtown robbery. Yes a stop signal held up a pedestrian. They had me there for a minute. Where do you get those jokes. My mother. Your mother needs a new writer. Here's another way. Never mind Gloria I've got to get back to the jail. Jail. Oh that reminds me. What's a policeman's favorite cookies. A policeman's favorite cookies. I give up. Cop cakes. Oh brother. Goodbye Gloria. Here isn't much to do around this jail. Read the police cassette three times. Kind of lonesome around here without Clarence. Well hello doc. How's the Marshall today. Oh just fine. Oh they have. I just heard a wonderful riddle. What's a policeman's favorite cookies. Cop cakes. There's a stool pigeon in this town. Hey Marshall how's your prisoner Clarence. Well I gave Clarence a day off. What. Yes matter he said he wanted to visit his mother in Charlieville it's her birthday. How'd you fail for a story like that. Now doc. I bet you never see him again. I'll bet I do I'd trust him any place Clarence has an honest face. Honest face. Well I never saw such shifty eyes. He always looks like he's watching a tennis match. Really nothing to worry about doc Clarence said he'd be back at six o'clock and he will be. You just wait. We better get out the checkerboard Harold. Something tells me we're going to have a long wait. Is that so. Listen doc if Clarence isn't back by six o'clock I'll use every checker on that board. Yes doc. What kind of salad dressing do you want on the checkers. Doc it's only six thirty. Is kind of dark though. Maybe Clarence lost his way. I think I'll put a lamp in the window for him. I don't think it's any use Harold. Looks like Clarence is an old second story man that just faded away. All right doc. You know this reminds me of that old song. I'm waiting for dips that never come in. Eight o'clock and Clarence isn't here yet. I told you so. All right doc. He'll be back pretty soon. What are you going to tell him. The truth I guess one prisoner to guard and I let him get away even gave him bus fare to Charlieville to know how I don't think Clarence even went to Charlieville at all. What. He's probably making a window to window tour of Melrose Springs. Doc that's ridiculous. Telephone. Maybe that's Clarence. Hello. Is that you Clarence. No this is Flora Bell. Oh I want you to come over to my house right away. What. I think I know who the criminal is. It's an open and shut window. I mean Clarence. I mean case. Goodbye. Find the jail. Robbery right in Melrose Springs and in my house. Yes Flora Bell. Very exciting. I hope you catch the criminal. Let's get down to business. Now about this stolen property. What was the value of your diamond ring. A dollar ninety eight. You bought a diamond ring for a dollar ninety eight. Yes I got it at J.C. Pennies at that diamond Jubilee sale. Of course it wasn't a real diamond. No. Now you say this fellow came in through the window. Well I think so. The window was open but I didn't see him. He came in when I wasn't looking. What a sneaky thing for a burglar to do. Is the ring the only thing he took. He didn't even touch and send a silverware. Well that's good. Now I have an idea. They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime so why don't you just wait here. See he might come back for the silverware at that. Of course. Why don't we just sit down here on the sofa and wait. Now Flora Bell. The best way to catch this fellow would be to wait outside and surprise him. Oh you want me to come with you we can surprise him together. Well you better stay in the house Flora Bell he might smell your perfume. See you later. Let's see. Maybe I can hide on the front porch here. You never see me in the dark. I'll just move over here real quiet. Oh my goodness. What a place to dill pickles. Cold. What's that. Oh. Port swing. Might as well sit down and wait. Be comfortable. This old Clarence does show up. I'll slip the cups on him before he can say. What are you doing out here. I heard you in my pickles. It's kind of lonesome waiting in the house all by myself. My it's so dark out here. Maybe I'd better sit down in the swing by you so you can protect me. Who's going to protect me. Isn't this nice. Yeah please Flora Bell don't forget I'm here on official business. You know what I'm going to do. I'm going to tickle your ear. Now Flora Bell. Well that's my badge. A little cold. Somebody sneak it up to the house. Must be Clarence. Oh yes. Be coming back for the silverware set. Oh he's going to be awful disappointed at Lucinda lost two butternives. Listen he's coming up on the porch stairs right here for a bell. I'll sneak up and slip the cups. There is looking in the window. You won't get away from me this time. Got you Clarence. You walk right into my trap. Well what do you got to say. I got lonesome waiting at the jail. So I brought the checker board over here. It sure is. I'm moving back to jail. What do I do. Oh stick ahead in the pickle tub. Almost midnight. What am I going to tell Pete. Certainly let him down. Probably loses job over this. Yes. Sure lonesome here at the jail all by myself. Just like the old saying takes a heap of prisoners to make a jail jail. That you Clarence. Howdy Harold. Hello Pete. Harold it was mighty nice of you to put that light in the window for me. Well I didn't know you cared boy. You know Harold being away sure made me appreciate this job. I don't know what I'd do if I lost it. Yes sir I was really homesick. I'm just sick. Pete there's something I got to tell you old friend Clarence isn't in his cell. Well I know that boy he's right outside. Yeah he's parking my car I ran into him down to the bus station. Bus station. Yeah he said he come down there to meet me. Wasn't that nice of him. Oh very nice. I guess he forgot I was coming from Charlieville though. When I got in he was just getting on a bus for California. He sure is absent minded. Excuse me Harold I want to turn down Clarence's sheets for him. Getting on a bus for California. Ain't that a doozy. Yeah that goes that lint head turning down a sheet. He's a bigger boob than I am. Wait'll I see. Well welcome home Clarence. Thanks. Too bad you didn't get your trip to Hollywood. Oh yeah. Funny about me getting on that wrong bus. You have a good time at your mother's birthday party. I sure did. Thanks a lot. Good night. Good night. Sleep well. Who do you think he's kidding. Mother's birthday party. I bet he wasn't within 20 miles of Charlieville. Hello. Hello. Is this Mr. Hem. Yes who's this. This is Clarence's mother over in Charlieville. I just wanted to thank you for letting Clarence come to see me today. Well. This was one of the happiest birthdays I ever had. Well I'm awfully glad. Thanks again. Good night pal. Ask me how do I feel. I don't know. Harold Perry. Thank you Bob. Before we award our weekly honesty award to some deserving youngster please allow me to thank all you kind folks out there for your interest in our project and for the avalanche of mail that's completely snowed in our committee which includes screen actor Kirk Douglas Eugene Biskaloos Sheriff of Los Angeles County and little old me. Our selection this week is Richard Harrison of eight semis Avenue Mobile Alabama. We received a great many letters recommending Richard Harrison the first one from Mr. E. J. Millet a five five seven Fulton Road Mobile. Thank you Mr. Millet and all you other kind folks from Mobile Richard Harrison age 15 is a newspaper carrier boy for the Mobile Press Registered very recently on a Wednesday one of our broadcast days while Richard was on his newspaper route. He spotted a wallet lying on the sidewalk at the corner of Monroe and stocking streets. He picked it up and discovered it contained a hundred and sixty six dollars. That's probably three months salary to little Richard who's a very hardworking boy. However he identified the owner from papers in the wallet and promptly returned the wallet to its owner who rewarded him with fifteen dollars in cash. Congratulations Richard Harrison. I hear by W. Honest Richard and awards you a Wittenauer watch that distinguished member of the Long Jean Wittenauer family of dependable watches. Yes Gloria. This is your third award. Right. And they've all been boys so far. Aren't girls honest Harold. Read that again. I said aren't girls honest comma Harold. Oh sure. That's it. But so far the boys predominate. So keep your nominations coming folks especially on girls. Send them to me. Not the girls and nominations. Who wrote this. Oh yeah. Send your nominations to me. Harold Perry Columbia Broadcasting System Hollywood 28 California. Harold Perry Columbia Broadcasting System Hollywood 28 California. Goodbye folks. You have just heard the Harold Perry show. Honest Harold the supporting players tonight included Jane Morgan, Carly Bayer, Shirley Mitchell, Wally Mayer, Stuffy Singer, Gwen Delano and featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as old Doc Yak Yak. Norman McDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Pretty cool isn't it. Honest Harold created by Harold Perry was written by Jean Stone, Jack Robinson and Dick Powell. Just about a half hour from now most of these same CBS stations will bring you exclusively the world's heavyweight championship fight between Ezard Charles who will be defending his title and challenger Joy Maxim who holds the world's light heavyweight crown. Meanwhile there'll be music and fun in another great Bing Crosby show. Stay tuned now for Bing Crosby who follows immediately on most of these same stations. Bob LeMond speaking. It's a CBS where you meet Mr. Keane, tracer of lost persons every Thursday night. The Columbia Broadcasting System.