 think of workplaces just as you would think of any other relationship, not the romantic kind. You might get a few taps on the shoulder from HR if we start treating our work relationships as romantic relationships, but when you think about it we spend just as much time with our work colleagues as we do with our life partners, with our families. And when we're with our partners we only have to agree with one other person. In the workplace we have to agree with 3, 10, 40, a lot of people, right? And at least before you choose your husband or wife or life partner you get to date them first to see if they're a good match, not in the workplace. Conflict is inevitable and it's actually useful if we know how to deal with it appropriately. So what are some of the strategies? Well I'm going to share with you six strategies for resolving conflict. The first one is, first and foremost, start with you. Manage yourself within that conflict. It's very important to recognise that you could make it worse by making assumptions. It might actually have nothing to do with you. Show genuine respect even if there is conflict with somebody else. It doesn't mean just because you have a difference of agreement, it doesn't mean that you stop respecting that individual as a human being. Build close respectful relationships with people before conflict begins. When you meet someone in the workplace, find a way to build a relationship with them, a mutually satisfying relationship. That will help to prevent some of the conflict and resolve that conflict respectfully when it does occur. Second strategy is to learn people's love language or their praise language. Now we don't use the word love language but it comes from Gary Chapman's love languages book, five love languages. You might like to call them praise language in the workplace. It could be saying great job. It could be physical touch in the workplace. You've got to be careful of that but it could be like a handshake, a pat on the back, something physical. Maybe that's how they feel appreciated. A gift. Maybe you bring them a cup of coffee the next time you're going past the kitchen. Acts of service. You help them achieve the new PC that they're after. You help them write a report. You give them some kind of service. Or you might spend some quality time coaching your team member or somebody in the workplace. You might also want to understand the sorry languages. They include expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, being genuinely repentive, saying I will not do this again and asking for forgiveness. Now a thorough apology involves all of those. Step number three is create transparency. The only way to make covert conflict easier to deal with is to get it out into the open. So covert conflict only happens in the shadows and we like to use the saying nothing about me without me. So if we are discussing a team member we have that team member as part of the discussion with us. And then of course the earlier this is dealt with, getting it into the open the better. It avoids our confirmation bias because as humans we tend to take all of this information and then we begin to filter it with selective data, selective meanings and assumptions, beliefs and conclusions before we take actions. Now with all of that data and narrowing it down through our own filters what we get is a perception that's based on us not necessarily the individual or the situation that we observe conflict in. Number four use chunking and values to resolve conflict. So chunking is a level of abstraction of the way that we think. For example we are in Townsville. Let's chunk down on that. We're in Townsville are we? The casino, the Ville? Yep we're in the Ville are we? We're in the pavilion and we're in the pavilion are you? Your specific seat that's chunking down you're getting more detailed. If we chunk up from Townsville, Townsville is in Queensland. Queensland is in, Australia's in, the world, Australia, the continent, the universe. We just keep chunking up. When we do the same thing with values we can actually get to the most important thing in a conflict. Let's imagine that you're buying a car for your company and you two guys you've been tasked with deciding what car you're going to buy. Okay now I want you both to think car, new or secondhand, make, model, year, colour. Now thinking without talking to each other I want you each to think of a car and then tell me either new or secondhand, make, model, year, colour. You go first. Okay new white dual cab Toyota Hilux. 2020 model? Current model. Okay and you? I don't believe it. I think we've got some strict guidelines on cars for your company. The chances of you both picturing the same car are pretty thin because we've come we've come down in detail but if we chunk up when you think about what's important in buying a car what are your big values? It could be safety, it could be budget, it could be reliability, it could be how many people does it carry? It could be can it carry people with special needs? When you've chunked up to those higher values you can then as a team work out which of these values is the most important. Chunk it up to three important values. So if I can buy a car that has a five star and cap rating, good resale value and is within our budget will you be happy to approve that? Now we have a lot greater scope to find agreement don't we because we've chunked up to what's important. Number five once you've made that agreement once you've worked out what it is that you've agreed upon stick to it. Write it down and make sure it is followed through on. The final step is to get an external coach or a facilitator or a mediator when the conflict cannot be resolved in-house. Sometimes it just doesn't matter how well you apply these principles. There may just be the need for a third party who is seen to be objective to come in and assist with that process. So that concludes my presentation. Before I get you to ask any questions I'd like you to think about what is one thing you're going to share from today with others in your workforce or other people that you know and if you want any further information on this topic or anything else take a photo of that screen that's the email for the Workplace Mental Health Institute. We have a lot of information available online as resources as well including our YouTube channel. Thank you. Hi I'm Emmie Golding director of psychology for the Workplace Mental Health Institute. We hope you liked the video if you did make sure to give it a thumbs up. 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