 Welcome to the Power Talk Show with me, Dominic George. It's another Wednesday. Today, we're speaking about how your emotional health matters. And with me, I've got Arthur Muriuke, who is a consulting psychologist with the Brain Initiative. And he'll be speaking to us about this important conversation. So, you know, being emotional and psychological health is very, very important. I think some of us tend to ignore how important this is. But I know that we have been reading on our social media pages, people committing suicide. And sometimes there are people who are unable to deliver because of psychological and emotional issues at work. These things do affect us in our relationships, in our work, in our schools. And it's important to deal with them early. So you need to ask yourself, what makes you have more negative emotions than positive ones? And what can you do to make that difference? So be part of this conversation. Why your emotional health is important. And this conversation is being led by another than Arthur Muriuke, who is a consulting psychologist and works with the Brain Initiative. So go to our social media pages, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at Y254. And talk to us. Or you can even go to my own Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at I am Kamau Mwangi. And talk to me. So now I'm going to give it to at Afrika Band. At Afrika Band are here with us. And they are going to be entertaining us during this show. So at Afrika, let's go. So for those who are watching us at home, welcome. We are talking of this great person who can make your emotional health just go up. Are we together? So listen to this. Welcome to the Power Talk Show. When I see the past away Well, when you want me to fool me You are who to me, I try But when I see the past away You are who to me, I try But when I see the past away Well, when I see the past away Intentional for my good Intentional means I work in for my good When my emotions are down He's intentional At Afrika Band It's good to have you back by the way Masanga How are you doing? How is the new month treating you? Ah, the new month is treating us with a mood of love With a mood of love It is the love You know it's the month of love Yes Oh awesome awesome So ladies and gentlemen Welcome back to the show As I told you today we are talking about Why your emotional health matters And the one who is leading us through this conversation Is Atamu Riyuki Atamu Riyuki is a counseling psychologist A consulting psychologist Who works for the Brain Initiative And he will be helping us with this conversation As I mentioned to you Go to our Facebook, Instagram and Twitter pages Y254 Or check out my own page Instagram, Twitter and Facebook Atayam Kamamwangi And be part of this conversation There is a post on there And you can comment and ask your question Or give a suggestion Or an opinion So Mr Atamu Riyuki Welcome to the show Thank you very much So you are here, you were here some time ago Yes And it's good to have your back So emotional well-being Or emotional health Possibly we can start with what is that Okay So talk about emotional health It's a new, very fascinating area of research That we are now seeing a lot of emphasis going into Because you, I think all of us are familiar with Atamu The IQ IQ, yes The intelligence question And initially we used to think that as long as you have a very high IQ Then you can adapt to any environment But we've come to see that even people who are highly intelligent So the question was asked What is it that they could be lucky Or struggling with So as I think around 2002 is when now There are two researchers who came up with the term emotional quotient Now IQ or referred to as IQ Now emotional intelligence is the ability As defined is the ability to feel, read and respond to Or feel, read and respond to So the ability to read someone's emotions What it is that they are feeling And to understand it And also to know what is expected The expected normal response to that kind of an emotion So this is both inward to yourself And also outward to the environment So it seems to me it's the way you are able to deal with What life throws at you Without allowing whatever life throws at you to consume you Yes So for example, all over the tribes of the world Or the human race There are five common emotions that are present in all human beings And that is anger All over the world people are able to feel the emotion of anger They're also able to feel the emotion of fear They're also able to feel the emotion of sadness They're also able to feel the emotion of heart And lastly they're also able to feel the emotion of joy Okay So your ability to one, read that emotion on another person Or to even become aware that this is how I'm feeling And also to read it on another person You've done well on the scale of emotional intelligence You're doing very well in that Yes, so if you can interpret For example, when I'm looking at you if I can tell Are you disgusted by what I'm saying So much, so much So now I know you're lying to me So I disgusted by what I'm saying Are you interested in what I'm saying Do am I boring you Is what I'm saying making sense So my ability to read that We'll also now inform how I respond Do I shut up Do I continue speaking Do I give examples Are you squinting your eyes and trying to figure out What is this guy talking about So do I need to be more elaborative So that helps us have a good kind of interaction And as we talk further on this We'll also look at how does emotional intelligence Or lack of it Affect how people interact Either in romantic relationships Or with family or at work or in school Or within their environment Yeah, but actually I'm going to go to I'm going to use an example of Let's say a romantic relationship So let's say someone has been So there has been a breakup of our relationship And I'm trying to point out the fact that Sometimes there are events that can happen in your life That leave you with highly toxic negative emotions Right So what is the balance That I feel bad that this happened But at the same time I don't want to let this Break up or this death of a person Consume me So what is the proper response to this Okay, so what I'd like to point out in the beginning That the ability to feel is very critical It just makes us human That for example if I lose a loved one Then I'm able to feel that loss And how I feel it could be either maybe I'm in denial Or I am very angry about it That this person has died and has left me in a lot of debt Or that I was so connected to this person And now all that investment is lost Or I really loved this person And then they are gone I'll never see them again Who is going to feel that void I'm so lonely So the ability to understand That this is how I'm feeling I'm feeling, yeah And then to know that for example If this is how I'm feeling Am I aware of how I'm interacting with my environment For example when I come here to speak to you And I've lost a loved one Am I aware of how I'm interacting with you Am I moody? Am I irritable? Am I on edge? Am I very aggressive? Am I rude? Am I... Because if I'm struggling with that emotion I don't want to let it out safely Then I'm going to lay it out on you In a negative way So a healthy balance is If you're able to identify at every single moment What it is that you're feeling Are you also able to see how it's informing Your thought processes And consequently your behavior So are you reacting emotionally to what's going on Or are you... Responding Yes, are you responding appropriately To what is required in that environment So that would be a healthy balance To be able to identify And then consciously choose How do I want to respond here Yeah, now so How do I process first of all Right That I am feeling lonely So what do I do with that emotion Do I simply let it like Do I simply go through it Or how do I deal with it Because there are people who commit suicide Let's say when someone, one of their loved ones dies Or when they are left Maybe they're in a relationship They had invested everything in it So some go into the negative response They like I'm not going to date again Or they break apart Yeah, yeah So what I'd like to even begin by pointing out is that When you lose a loved one, it is normal It is normal to feel sad It is normal to feel To go into grief It is normal to mourn It is normal to feel heaviness A lot of sadness That's very normal So what we encourage people to do Is that do not avoid feeling the sadness Do not avoid feeling Sometimes even guilt That this person died Maybe I should have been the one who died Maybe it was a road accident They died, I survived It should have been me To acknowledge those emotions Because the reason why sometimes we feel so deeply When we lose a loved one Is because of the nature of the relationship we had Maybe they were so close to us Or maybe we had a very constrained relationship And I didn't have enough time to resolve it Before the person passed away So we encourage you do not avoid that emotion Now the risk with avoiding it Is that you will try block it or numb it Using other ways Other what we call maladaptive tendencies For example you will say As long as I drink a lot Or I smoke too much Or I go on a shopping spree Or I distract myself long enough I won't have to feel this way We see the human body is not created To forget painful events It records if you do not want to let them out And then it brings them up When you least want them to come up So one of the things we encourage Keep your friends close Get very good support around you And people who are encouraging with you And sitting with you and supporting you So now if Let me interrupt there You know you have said that When you lose someone Have a good supportive system Yes But there are people who have emotions of Am I being a burden to them So they don't allow themselves to be helped Because somehow they feel like Let me just deal with my own issues Then like cutting Even though other people want to help them You know They are like now Yes it's a common phenomenon that we observe And sadly this is more common among us men Than it is on women Because for example If it's a husband who's lost a wife And the other children who've been left The man has been taught as a young boy Do not show emotions Do not show negative emotions That's a feminine quality So sack it up Be like a man Be a man So when now he's faced with all this grief There are no society approved ways Of how they accept a man to express emotion So what this man tends to do Is because I don't want to show This sign of weakness That I'm crying I miss my wife I'm mourning her Why did she die And I don't want people to see me In that quote-unquote weak state So what I'm going to do Is I'm going to drink it out Okay Or I'm going to work myself off I'm going to overwork myself And then enjoy the title of alcoholic Because then I'm achieving a lot So what we encourage Especially the ones who feel that burden That if I'm one Who's going to take care of The rest of the activities that need to be And also the statement that you mentioned That I feel like I'm a burden to people Now that blocks your expression of that emotion So you turn it inwardly Now sadly When you turn an emotion Inwardly, especially if it's a negative emotion The body does not know how to safely retain it So it comes out with headaches And lower back pains And joint pains And stomach ulcers And indigestion And very serious medical conditions Then you go to hospital And the doctor says We can't find anything Yes, so until you find a medical practitioner Who's asking you what's going on in your life You'll keep on going to hospital And not be able to connect those two So that's what we encourage people If you find yourself grieving Or experiencing frequently A heavy load of emotions And you've tried so many things And you're not able to get better or feel better Then seek professional help It is not unmanly to seek help It's actually a sign of strength Encourage to go find someone and say And talk to that person All right, so now Last two questions that I have here for you So what are the key building blocks for emotional health? What are like five things you might You could say a person needs to consider the next Like the following five pointers For them to observe or to have a healthy emotional health Okay So even with reasoning it out One of the things we encourage people to do Is something called self-awareness How well are you aware of what's going on internally? For example, if I asked you right now as you're listening to me What emotion are you experiencing? Are you able to identify it? Can you tell me? I would say calm Calm So calm is it close to joy, happiness, low-level joy Contentment Contentment So how often are you aware of that emotion? Okay, so that for example If maybe on my way out of this studio I step on your toes Then will you still be able to remain calm? Okay, so self-awareness What's going on internally within me And is it been affected by the environment? If there is a chaotic environment over there Maybe you have your supervisor or your boss or your colleague Who is constantly on your case Why are you not doing this? Why are you doing this? How do you respond to this person? So self-awareness Am I allowing the external environment To affect my internal environment? So self-awareness Now number two is how conscious are you of how Your emotions inform your thought processes So for example The same example I used If I step on your toes working out of the studio How are you going to interpret that action? Is it that I am very disrespectful? Or I don't think you're... He hates me He's a witch Yes So are you going to think I think you're totally useless Or I think your shoes are very ugly Or was it an accident? I'll go with useless So based on the meaning that you give That behavior It may or may not affect how you respond to me So for example if you think I was very disrespectful and rude How might you respond to me? So you may punch me or push me or shove me or Depending on the size of your ear But if you think Or maybe it was an accident He didn't see my foot Then that will inform how you react to me So because you will not stop me and ask me Why did you step on my toes? Didn't you see my foot? Let me pose you that But on the other side I can turn it towards myself Right? Possibly I'm so useless That's why he's stepping on me Right? So I deserve it Yes So now if you do that It will also inform your behavior So what you'll tend to do the next time we meet You may either wear very metallic shoes That have a metallic front Yes to protect your toes Or you may avoid me altogether You may not invite me here again Or you may try to look for something negative about me So that you can feel in with the negativity Or you may choose something else Now how you interpret that behavior emotionally Will affect even the quality of our relationship How will you treat me the next time I come to see you Or you bump into each other somewhere else So the ability to relate emotion and thought process Is also very important Yes Now the third one is After I have read your emotions After I've checked with myself How am I responding? The last one is What do I expect in my response? So that for example If you have judged that situation as it was an accident So you remain calm But then when I get there I insult you I turn around and I insult you So that calmness might be put up Because I assumed good will And now you have confirmed that there was no good will So now I have to change my whole point of reference Yes So at that point again you have a choice Do I still want Do you still want to remain calm Or do you want to be affected by my statement So if you want to remain calm Some of the thought processes might be helpful Is if you start to consider Maybe you've had a bad day Maybe there are some things of no process I'm depressed Or I'm depressed or something And if you say that to yourself Because remember you may not have time to ask me Well why did I do that? That will now inform how you react Now it is very important for people to be able To in the moment hold back this reaction And consider am I reacting Why am I reacting the way I'm reacting And if we find time we'll also link these with Now mental illness How does Unfortunately Yes We are running out of time Okay So it's more pervasive than that So that if you're not able to always hold back Then it could begin to point to an underlying mental illness So it's always advisable to prevent To when you still can To control Try and stop yourself And stop the impulse to react So as long as you can do that Then you're on a good scale to being emotionally intelligent I know you're remaining with two points But right now we're going to take a break right now And so I can give it back to Atafrika So we're going to take a break And then when we come back We shall conclude with the last two And then we call off So Atamiruki is continuing with us With the conversation on emotional health And emotional well-being And how important it is So please don't go away I'm going to give it back to Atafrika For a break before we resume Atafrika, let's go Sing what they want me to be Living through the rain Wasting away for the world's plans for me Believe, gotta believe, gotta believe Like I've, I've believed Deep Atafrika band Great piece Absolutely amazing piece Welcome back So we are still talking about emotional health And as we concluded I'd like to Just mention we have been talking about Jordan Peterson's laws, rules to life And today just before we I go back to Mr. Atamiruki to conclude for us The fourth law says compare yourself to you One of the biggest and I'm sure cause of unhappiness And maybe could be the fourth one that you've been speaking about What are the emotional building blocks What are the building blocks that can help you live a healthy life Is comparison with yourself So there is a very good point here that Where you are You are, you cannot compare yourself with any other person Because you don't know why they are where they are And the moment you start comparing yourself with others You deny yourself the chance of becoming the best you that you can be And there are so many people who lead very depressed and very unhappy lives Because every time they go to a certain distance They realize that someone else is ahead of them And let me tell you something as Jordan Peterson says However good you are at a certain field You'll always find someone who is better than you Who might make you feel utterly useless At how good you are and you forget how good you are So when it comes to talent or even relationships or family That sometimes you might find yourself That there is someone always better than you So Jordan Peterson says it's better to compare yourself and say Between yesterday and today, am I better than I was Not that am I better than anyone else Am I richer than anyone else Am I more handsome or am I getting compared to the others How am I comparing that can suck your energy And I believe that could be there for the building block To making us even more happier and becoming even more fulfilled persons But I want to take it back to Atamariuki Who is from the Brain Initiative To continue with this conversation on emotional health So welcome back So the other thought that I'd like people to consider Is something we call self-control Self-control Now this is so important especially when you're having human-human interaction So that for example if I'm your boss And I do something that or you do something to me That I find very disrespectful And I decide on the spot you're fired Okay And then without any consideration to the labor laws and all of that And then you decide okay I'm going to go home Then you get a lawyer and come sue me So and you win the case So my company is going to hemorrhage a lot of money And when you trace back the footsteps Is because I interpreted a statement or a behavior that I observed in you And determined you're either insubordinating Or you're very ruled or etc etc And now we cannot pay bills Because now we have to settle bills with you And the labor court say I cannot fire you You have to come back to my office So I have to see you and look at the face The judgment of face And then said keep thinking my thoughts So you think you won So you think I can't fire you again Or you thought you could let me go like that I can decide I'm not going to work Because I have money anyway I've gotten money off the company So the inability to have self-control Has fire reaching consequences Now we've been seeing on media An increasing number of homicides So a man comes home or a wife comes home Or children come home and they decide What they find in the home is not pleasing enough to them And they react on the spot And that leads to serious bodily harm and death So when you trace back and you interview these people You ask them what happened And they are so remorseful They seriously cannot understand How did that lead to that, to that, to that And now they have to do timing in prison So self-control is a skill It is not a privilege or an aspect That is for a certain group of people and not for others So the ability to feel emotions so intensely And to acknowledge that this is how you're feeling And to be able to tell yourself Calm down, let it pass And then to respond with more logic Saves you a lot more heart in the long run So self-control Is a very key component Yes, so the last one And there are many So we mentioned briefly on the last one It's something we call perseverance So if for example And I'll keep using this example at work We may have colleagues who maybe we don't think too highly of them And maybe these colleagues are our superiors Or there are juniors who maybe report to us And they can sabotage us if they feel like Because we are going to look bad So how well are you able to live in this environment Where you are not able to change the dynamics in your favor Will you always be moody Will you always be the most gloomy person in the office Will you always be the person who is the worst team player Because there's someone in the team who you don't see eye to eye So the ability to acknowledge That this is how I feel in the presence of this person And how do I interpret this person's behavior And because I'm going to be in the same team with this person How then can I modify my reaction towards this person So that it does not affect my career So the ability especially when you cannot move around the dynamics in your favor To have or put differently tolerance To be able to tolerate an emotion that is not very endearing to you So basically if you cannot control a situation or a person And the way they behave towards you The best thing is to look at your own environment I mean an emotional preparedness or reaction So when you meet this person You're like okay I'm going to meet a difficult person So how can I pre-empt an ugly situation Or a depressive situation on my side Yes and then calm yourself down well enough to be able to respond calmly And to be able to think clearly Because we normally say that if your emotional intelligence is not well developed Then you will almost always find it difficult to adapt to any new environment So emotional intelligence is key to adapting to any milestone Like getting married, like getting a new job Like getting a promotion Getting a promotion So it helps even for managers when they are promoting people to supervisory positions To have this person assessed How well emotionally developed are they So they may be have very good managerial skills Technical skills But then how do they interact with other people And will they cause a lot of people to leave the company Will cause a lot of people to join the company And work to give their best Thank you so much I appreciate so much Mr. Doctor I'm going to call you Doctor Is it Doctor, okay It's Mr. Yes For now For now Okay, Mr. Atamurioki from the Brain Initiative Thank you so much for making time to come to the Power Talk Show And sharing with us about emotional health I much really appreciate you coming And I would love to continue with this conversation But because of time Let's close it up at this And thank you once again So that has been Atamurioki So Atamurioki is from the Brain Initiative Like I've mentioned to you And I want to thank you for being part of this show For watching our show And thank you so much May God bless you Continue this conversation on Y254 Instagram Twitter and Facebook And I'm going to give it back to At Africa Band to close the show for us God bless you And have a good night Go Mad Make a difference Good night Cabo Rimi Alishina Taki Forizo Tabutena Shida Zani Zunguka Maisha Yabala Watu Washa Toka Kua Ko This valley Won't again Won't again