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Thief II: The Monty Age

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Published on Aug 23, 2007

Life of the Party

Guards of two different families exchange insults and later arrows, in what resembles a sketch from the files of Monty Python...

Left Guard: ...and I'm telling you that the only stench heartier than your rotting burrick of a master is the liquor on his fetid breath. If he comes near Lady Van Vernon again, we'll boil his knickers.

Right Guard: Oh ho! Mighty fine words coming from a knock-kneed, inbred pageboy, such as yourself. Our good Master Wiley wouldn't be caught near that frumpy, little trollop, unless he were holding her back at the end of a halberd.

LG: How dare you defile the name of someone so good and virtuous as the lady Van Vernon? Our lady is a saint among mortal woman, an angel so pure the heavens couldn't hold her.

RG: Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah, your lady, an angel? You're lucky the Dockside Whorekeep aren't bashing down her door for stealing their clientele. Why just last night, I saw her out back warming up the stable boy.

LG: Such slander will not be tolerated while we're on watch. You'd best run and rescue your helpless, limp lord before he flounders on his own vomit or wakes up naked in a hen coop. Scurry off, or you'll acquire some unnecessary ventilation!

RG: Is that a threat, you shriveled old maids? You gonna prick us with your sewing needles? On this side of the street, we shoot like soldiers, so don't make promises your arrows can't keep.

LG: You've gone... you've gone too far this time you camel-mannered, tunic-wetting mollycoddle! An arrow in the throat ought to shut you up!

RG: Whaaa! Have at thee!

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