 The Jack Benny program transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky tastes better. Lucky strikes means fine tobacco. Lucky strikes means fine tobacco, cleaner. Fresher, smoother. Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky strikes means fine tobacco. Lucky strikes means fine tobacco, cleaner. Fresher, smoother. Better get a cotton. Better get a cotton. Better get a cotton, better get a cotton today. Hello friends. This is Don Wilson. I've been cheering many years for Lucky's Better Taste. But I can't cheer that loud. It takes a bigger group to do that. And that's just what we've got all over the country. The biggest college cheering section for luckies that any cigarette could want. You see, a nationwide survey based on actual student interviews in 80 leading colleges reveals that more smokers in these colleges prefer luckies than any other cigarette, and by a wide margin. What's more, the survey shows that Lucky Strike gained far more smokers in these colleges than the nation's two other principal brands combined. Just think of that, and listen to this. The number one reason they gave for smoking luckies was luckies better taste. So try a carton of those cleaner, fresher, smoother tasting luckies. You'll feel like cheering too. Lucky Strike means fine drackel, Lucky Strike means fine drackel, cleaner, fresher, smoother. Better get a carton, better get a carton, better get a carton, better get a carton, better get a carton. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, the sportsman Quartet, and yours truly, Don Welles. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's my pleasure to introduce the star of our show. Amanda. Wait a minute, Don. Wait a minute. You better not start the program until we're sure we're working. Working? Mary, what's this all about? Well, Bob, remember what happened last week with a change from daylight to standard time? Jack got all mixed up, missed half his program, and now he's in trouble with his sponsor. Hey, this is serious. Jack loses the program, I'll have to go out and find a job. So will I. What did you do, Mary? Well, I don't know whether to get my own radio show or go into television. Oh? But in the meantime, tell your wife to buy her stockings at the May Company. I'll give her a discount. I will. Where's Jack now? He's on the phone in his dressing room talking to the sponsor. Gee, I hope it works out all right. You see, you see, Mr. Lewis, when I missed my program last week, it wasn't Mr. Lewis. Mr. Lewis, are you listening? Yes, Jack, I'm listening. Well, when I missed the first half of my program last week, it wasn't my fault. My watch said 3.15 when it was really 4.15. Man! So you see, it wasn't my fault at all, you know? Excuses, excuses, nothing but excuses. But Mr. Lewis, didn't you ever make a mistake? I never make mistakes. Well, anyway... Mr. Lewis, when you hired me... All right, I made one. I knew you'd admit it. Anyway, Mr. Lewis, when you hired me, we had an understanding. Wait a minute, Jack. Hold it a minute. He's winding up. Here comes the pitch and f***ing up in second. It's a clean double for Rizzuto. Hmm. My future is at stake and he's listening to the World Series. What were you saying, Jack? Mr. Lewis, I said that when you hired me, we had an understanding. The mantle is now at bat. Here comes the pitch and f***ing up. What were you saying, Jack? Now, now, Mr. Rizzuto... I mean, Mr. Lewis. Mr. Lewis, when you hired me, we had an understanding. Mr. Lewis, Mr. Lewis. Oh, my goodness, we've been cut off. Operator, operator. Oh, Mabel, what is it, Gates? Mr. Benny's line is flashing. Yeah, I wonder what Tissa Fire wants now. Uh-oh, he was talking to New York and I must have cut him off. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Benny, I'll connect you again. Say, Gates, let's listen in and hear what he's saying. Listen in. Mabel, how can you suggest a thing like that? Oh, now, Gates, don't put on airs for me. You know, you didn't get that cauliflower ear from boxing. Go ahead, listen in and hear what Mr. Benny's saying. I don't have to listen in. I'm going out with him tonight and you know him. One glass of Manashevitz wine and he tells everybody... Oh, what a man. Come on, Gates, it'd be a sport. Put on the earphones and listen to what he's saying. Okay. See, the sponsor's really given it to him. And Mr. Benny's sure pleading for his job. No kidding. Yeah, and now he's bragging about his talent. What a great comedian he is. What a wonderful violinist. Now he's imitating Johnny Ray. He sure is lucky. The sponsor said he'd give him another chance. Operator, operator. Yes. Well, Gertrude, Gertrude, I'm through with my New York call. Would you please figure up the charges? Now, how long did I talk? Well, you talked 27 minutes and 30 seconds, making a total... $18.45. Thank you, Gertrude. You're welcome, Mr. Einstein. Imagine $18.45 to call New York. And $0.06 for an air mail stamp. But then you can't cry in a letter. Oh, well, I better get on the stage. Hey, Dennis is going into his song. I went to your wedding sung by Phil Rizzuto. I mean, Dennis Day. And very good, Dennis. And now, kids... Well, say Jack. What is it, Mary? I mean, Don. Don, what is it? How'd you make out with your phone call to the sponsor? Fine, fine. We had a little argument, but he talked me into not quitting. And now... But, Jack, something's wrong. Look how nervous you are. Mary's right, Jack. What are you worried about? Look, all of you. Everything went fine. I'm not worried and I'm not nervous. Now, let's get on with the show. Where's Kenny Baker? Kenny Baker? He has been with us for 12 years. Oh, yes. Anyway, look, kids, I'm not nervous. I'm not upset. Why should I be upset? The sponsor didn't fire me. I'm glad to hear that, Jack. Me, too. Same here. I wouldn't want to have to look for a new job. It doesn't make any difference to me. I was going to quit anyway. Quit? Uh-huh. But, Dennis, what's the reason? It's confidential. Well, if it's confidential, come out in the hall and tell me. Okay. Excuse us, Mary. Oh, she can come, too. But, Dennis, you said it was confidential. It's confidential. It should be between two people. Oh, then you and Mary go. I'll stay here. Look, Dennis, haven't I had enough trouble today? Now, tell me why you want to quit. My mother doesn't like your program. Well, she doesn't, eh? What does she like about it? You. Me? Every time you say hello again, you ought to see the veins in her neck stick out. Look, Dennis, you can tell your mother whether she likes me or not. You have a contract with me, and it's got two years to run. Gee, two years. I don't think her neck will make it. I don't care about that. Dennis, behave yourself. Jack missed half of his program last week, and he's having enough trouble with his sponsor. So stop bothering with your family problems. Yes. I don't care what your mother thinks. My father likes you. He does? May he rest in peace. Stop being silly. This morning when I called your house, your father answered the phone. That was a recording. I'll cut that. And do me a favor, will ya? Let's forget about the sponsor and just concentrate on doing good shows. Well, Jack, I'll do all I can. I know, Bob. I know. Say, by the way, did you notice the way I've improved the orchestra? I certainly did, Bob. The band sounds wonderful lately. Thank you. Especially the saxophone. What'd you do to that section? I eliminated it. Oh, good. Jack, I've also been scouting around for a new piano player. A new piano player? What's the matter? Don't you like the way Bagby plays? Well, it's not that, but I can save you a lot of money if we replace them. You see, the musician's union demands that we pay Bagby time and a half. How come? Well, he's got 15 fingers. Bagby's got 15 fingers? Yeah. He can play kitten on the keys and pick your pocket at the same time. How do you like that? Say, Bob, I think you ought to be careful how you make changes in the band. Well, why? Well, those boys have been together for a long time. Yeah. You take one off, they'll all fall down. That's right. Anyway, Bob, we'll talk about the band later. Right now, we've got a very important play to do. Yeah, Jack, we better get started with it. What's the play about, Jack? Well, it's a thrilling story of how a newspaper reporter solves a murder. Now, I play the part of Scoop Benny, the fearless fighting, tight-fisted, I mean, two-fisted... The two-fisted editor-in-chief of the Los Angeles Daily Bugle. Am I in it? Yes, Bob, you play my star reporter. You're in it too, Mary. And Dennis... Dennis, where's Dennis? Listening to the World Series on that portable radio. Oh, for heaven's sakes. Dennis. Quiet, I want to hear this. Well, that wasn't exciting, any. Dennis. Dennis. We're now going into the last half of the film. Brooklyn is at bat, the Yanks are in the field, and the Giants are in the bleachers. The Giants. Cleveland wouldn't even come to the game. Rachea. It's really Reynolds, but since he got Poison Ivy, everyone calls him Rachea. Now, Dennis, how about taking an interest in my program? Oh, I wanted to hear the World Series. Look, the series will be our next year. Me, I'm not sure about. Come on. Come on, Jack. Okay, now go ahead, Don, announce it. I can't, Jack, the scripts aren't here. They aren't? Do you see the scripts, Mary? Well, maybe your writers have them. They're in the conference room. Oh, yeah, maybe they're revising it. I'll go and see. Now, writers are the only ones who take an interest in the show. Say, fellas. Quiet. Hey, fellas, I'm looking for the script you wrote for our play. Where is it? We don't know. We don't know. We didn't see nothing around here. When we wrote it, we gave it to Yaz. Yaz? Yaz. What a mistake I made hiring those guys. They were standing on the corner selling pencils. I thought they were writers. Script, Jack? No. But, Jack, this is ridiculous. How are we going to do a play without a script? Yeah. Wait a minute. Maybe I'll let them at home. Give me the phone, Mary. I'll call Rochester. Okay, here it is. I said he gave me the script. I wonder what happened to it. Maybe Milton Burrell. No, he's in New York. I don't know. Oh, you are. Well, why aren't you listening to my program? Put Jackie Robinson on it, and I will. Robinson got a home run. That was on your radio. Five home runs. Are you listening to K.H.J.? No, C.A.N. What's that? Sir? Well, Avenue Network. Yeah, you ought to listen to the game on this radio. It's sure exciting. Why? Robinson's... Robinson's playing on both teams? Why? At five o'clock he's fighting Marciano. Rochester, we got a play to do here, and I can't find the scripts. Did I leave them at home? No, you put them in the ground compartment of your car. Oh, yes. Now I remember. Thanks, Rochester. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, Rochester. Yes, boss. You better rush down here at the studio. You know, we do our television show as soon as my radio program is over. I know. And don't be late, Rochester. I need you. Oh, boss, let's just say we need each other. Yeah, yeah, goodbye. Goodbye. I left my scripts in my car. Will you go out and get them? But, Jack, I'm supposed to do the commercial now. Don, run out and get my scripts. I'll do the commercial for you. But, Jack... Never mind. Run along. Okay. This is my chance to get on the good side of my sponsor. Be happy, go lucky. Be happy, get better taste. Be happy, go lucky. Get better taste today. Pull-de-dee-poo-poo-poop-de-dee-poo. This is Jack Benny and smokers. There's no doubt about it. Luckies taste better. And this better taste starts with Lucky's fine tobacco. Yes, LS MFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco in a cigarette that's made better to taste cleaner, fresher, smoother. Cleaner? Yes, bet. I mean, you bet. Yes. Lucky's not only tastes cleaner, fresher, smoother, but they are made by one of the nicest sponsors you'd ever want to meet. And now I'd like to dedicate this next number to my sponsor, Mr. Lewis. Be happy, go lucky. Be happy, get better taste. Be happy, go lucky. I hope I'm here next week. I thank you. You're the first, Jack. Oh, thank you, Don. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our play. A day in the life of a newspaper man. Take it, Don. Ladies and gentlemen, as our scene opens, we find Scoop Benny, the two-fisted editor-in-chief of the Los Angeles Daily Bugle, hard at work in his office. Sitting at the next desk is his star reporter, Likes Crosby. Los Angeles Bugle, Scoop Benny speaking. What? Give me all the details. Seven of them, huh? Say they're taking off at midnight? Thanks for the tip. I'll be there. What is it, Scoop? Late show at the Burbank Theater. Daily Bugle, Scoop Benny speaking. Hello, big boy. This is Mrs. Archibald J. Stuffington of 204 Stuffington Road, California. Stuffington, eh? How are you, Stuffy? Got a big story for you. Come up to my apartment. My husband has just been... murdered. What was that? My husband has just been... murdered. What was that? You don't like him, do you? I don't even know. Are you sure he's dead? Any more questions? Well, I'll be right over there, Mrs. Stuffington, and try to solve this murder before the police come. See that the body stays where it is. What's that? If it moves now, you've got a real story. Well, I'll be right over. Goodbye. We'll get to the bottom of this murder or know the reason why. Hello, we're from the Los Angeles Daily Bugle. Who are you? I'm the butler. Oh, you're the butler, eh? Well, I'll question you first. Were you here when the murder was committed? Uh-huh. You hear any gunshots? Yes, well, I was making coffee. How many gunshots did you hear? I heard the first one in the kitchen, the second one at the front door, and three more as I was going through Anaheim, Azuz, and Cucamonga. Cucamonga, how'd you get back here so fast? My suspenders were caught on the doorknob. Your suspenders were caught on the doorknob? Pretty snappy comeback, eh? Yours gave me that one. Now, where is Mrs. Stuffington? Well, here I am, boys. I've been waiting for you. Now, Mrs. Stuffington, I'm here to solve this murder, and I'm going to question you right now. Now, just a minute. I'll call my butler. Oh, Goodrich, bring me a martini. Yes, madam. Wait a minute, Mrs. Stuffington. Often you sit here drinking martinis when your husband has just been murdered. You're right. Goodrich. Yes, madam. Put a black olive in it. Now, Mrs. Stuffington, I know you committed the murder, so you might as well confess. Oh, yeah? Well, you can't prove a thing. Oh, yes, we can. Look here, Scoop. I just found a dictograph. I played it, and there's incriminating evidence in it. Evidence, eh? Well, turn it on again, Flash. Okay. I want to hear this. Well, Mrs. Stuffington, are you ready to confess? Why should I? There's not one word there that says I killed my husband. She's right, Flash. Oh, no, she isn't. She hasn't heard the rest of it. You mean there's more? Turn on that dictograph again. Okay. What's that? Oh, my goodness. I guess the radio must have been on while we were planning the murder. Yeah. Oh, then you did plan it. You did it for a long time. Ladies and gentlemen, here is a special message. This year, as always, it'll be the family vote that really decides things at election time. And families everywhere are pitching in to remind every eligible American to register so he and she can vote on November 4th. If you're helping your community get registered, congratulations. If you're not, maybe you'd like to remind your friends and neighbors tomorrow. Remember, you have to register to vote. Thank you. The back will be back in just a moment, but first... We find the back so clear. Pressure. Smoother. Lucky, lucky, lucky. Lucky strike. We find the back so lucky strike. We find the back so clear. Pressure. People want to cheer luckies, too. Once you try them, they taste that much better. Let me tell you why. LS, MFT, lucky strike means fine tobacco. And there's another reason. Luckies are made better, round and firm and fully packed to taste cleaner, fresher, smoother. The fact is, a nationwide survey based on actual student interviews in 80 leading colleges shows that more smokers in these colleges prefer luckies than any other cigarette. And furthermore, this survey shows that luckies gained far more smokers in these colleges than the nation's two other principal brands combined. Yes, these college men and women, just like so many of us, prefer luckies. The cigarette that tastes better. So make your next carton lucky strike and see for yourself what the cheer is all about. Be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Ladies and gentlemen, in about 30 seconds, I'll be doing my first television show of the season. So I hope you'll all be watching. Well, I'll be seeing you. I mean you. I'm writer. The next program this week was written by most Joseph Spurge, John Tackerberry, Al Gordon, Al Bowman, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks. Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. This is the CBS Radio Network.