 Welcome to Mindset Mondays with Roseanne and Jenny. I'm Roseanne from Yuma, Arizona, and I'm an Enrollment and Client Journey Coach inside one of our alcohol-free lifestyle programs called Project 90. And I'm Jenny. I'm in Northern Ireland and I am the community manager for the 30-day alcohol-free program. And also a Project 90 alumnus. Alumnus? Is that how I say it? Alumnus? No, apparently not. Thank you. We're broadcasting this Facebook live across our multiple public and private platforms, and we're also recording this for our podcast listeners who will be listening to it next Monday. If you're here with us live on Facebook, please, please, please feel free to say hi, especially if you're from the UK. Jenny wants to know somebody's up late with her and tell us where you're from and ask us if you have any questions, please feel free to ask them. We're going to save our shout-outs and our answers to the questions until the end of our discussion, but please do not let that discourage you from posting. If you'd like to know more about Jenny or me, please feel free to tune into our alcohol-free lifestyle podcast available on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and YouTube. My story is episode 19 and Jenny's is episode 29. 39. I keep getting that wrong. You know, maybe after 39 broadcasts, we'll be able to get this right. Anyway, there's a multiple multitude of stories and interviews there that I am certain will inspire you. So before we get started, I'd like to offer you some free stuff by a way of the alcohol freedom formula guide. This resource will be available below in the chat. And for those of you on the podcast, there will be instructions on how to gain access to that at the end of the show. I am going to hand the show today over to Jenny, who's going to be leading the discussion about why community is an important part of habit reformation. Jenny, all yours. Thank you, Roseanne. Oh, the responsibility is in my... I love this topic actually. I could talk forever on it, but I won't. This is somewhere where I went really wrong in the beginning. Roseanne, when I was trying to quit alcohol for so long, I tried to do it on my own. I read lots of books. I think I've probably got every single quit alcohol book that's right there. I tried lots of ways of changing my behaviour. And I felt I was failing because I couldn't do it on my own. And eventually I realised that it wasn't a failure to reach out to other people's support. It was actually the essence of my success. And the interesting thing about this is this is not just my experience. This is backed up by science. Every single behavioral expert in the world who writes about changing habits says community and support is at the heart of it. Why is that? Because when you reach out and you become part of the community, you have a common goal, you have a common mindset, you've got shared experiences, and you have accountability. I think it was Charles, do you think you're fine pronouncing that correctly? Who writes part of habits? He said communities make change achievable. The other person who writes really well on behaviour changes James Clear. And he says nothing sustains your motivation better than being part of a tribe because it transforms your personal quest into a shared one. And the experience of going through what you're trying to achieve with the group of other people who are trying to go through exactly the same thing makes it an experience that's real and that is, I can't even think of the words for it. It just is part of being a community. And part of that I think is you're being accountable to other people, not just yourself. Other people care about your behaviour and about your behaviour change and just knowing that other people are there caring about you and supporting you is such a big part of that. I mean, you will see this on project 90 and I'll ask you about that in a minute. But I see it in the 30 day community all the time. There's so much support in that community. And if someone is struggling, everyone will reach out and hold them. If someone has a win, everyone will reach out and congratulate them and just knowing that you're part of a journey with other people makes it makes it something that's so much more achievable because you're not on your own. And you know, someone said that addiction is the opposite of connection. You cannot fix this on your own. And if you try to, you're making something that can be easy, really, really hard. And for me, and I'll talk more about my journey in a moment, but for me, the community that was project 90 was what was the complete game changer for me. There was Anna's as the client journey manager on project 90. You see this all the time. I'm guessing you see people's success is probably directly related to their level of engagement. Am I right in that? Oh, yeah, I call it the secret sauce. Now I have a new term. I have new terms all the time, but we have something called our Marco Polo app where we're community because we were all over the world, right? And we have coaches. This is a coaching program. But a lot of it is that community like you talked about, Jenny, where we're meeting together in smaller groups or pods, I suppose. But then we have a larger community where all of us can talk whatever time of day is convenient because, of course, we're all in different time zones all over the world. But I think I just did a post maybe last weekend and I'm like, who needs coaches? Like you guys are so amazing. They're all like providing so much insight and learning and just supporting one another. It's so inspiring. I think, of course, we need to do it on our own to figure out we can't do it on our own. One of the unfortunate things that happens as an enrollment coach is people wait way too long. For me, I don't know if it was waiting too long or I hadn't found anything that resonated with me. Most people that call us or that looked at us are not feeling like AA is a good fit for them. They're not feeling like rehab is a good fit for them. They're just like, why can't I stop this? And as you are so eloquent always to understand is this is a cycle of a habit. That's all it is. This is a habit formation. I love when James says you are not an alcoholic. This is not about an alcoholic. This is about a habit. And by the time I talk to people, they've spent so many times, and this is including my own journey, so many days or years talking to themselves about I'm going to today's the day. I'm going to do it today. And then you start your mental health starts getting affected because you can't keep your promise to yourself. And so back to this community, when you get in this place and you relieve yourself of what appears to be a secret, right? Because we're afraid to talk about it, but you're you're free to talk about it in the community. It's it's just like this big sigh of relief. Did you feel like that too? A big sigh? Completely, completely. And you know the thing was on isn't it funny how it's so much easier to keep a promise to someone else than to keep a promise to yourself? Right. So yeah, I lost kind of, as you say, the Mondays where I would go, okay, today is the day didn't happen. Okay, it's the first of the month. This is the day it will happen. It's a day after my birthday. It will happen. And it never did. And it wasn't until I got into that community, and there were other people to whom I was accountable. I did not want to go on a Project 90 call and have to say I've slipped, I've had a drink. I just was not prepared to do that. And in terms of engagement with the community, I mean, I really leaned into that once it dawned on me that I needed support, I went for it from tilt. I think I went on every single call I was on three or four calls a week. I had a one to one with coach Kevin, which was invaluable. And then there was a market full of where there's always a conversation ongoing. I'm just feeling surrounded by that community made it easy for me, actually. And that was the math bio for me, something that I had struggled with for a long, long, long time suddenly became easy, because I was with a group of like minded people. And the thing that was so interesting to me about Project 90, and again, James talks about this a lot in his book, Atomic Habits, when you're in a group where the behavior that you're seeking is the norm, it becomes easy because it becomes not the main focus of the conversation. So what we find in Project 90 is we were all trying to recalibrate our relationship with alcohol. So in fact, a lot of the time, that wasn't even what we talked about. We talked about other things. We talked about deeper things. We talked about fun things. We talked about lots of things. Of course, our struggles and wins were in the mix. But it was a much broader, wider and deeper conversation than that, because we all have that common goal. And to me, finding a tribe really, that's what it was. I find my tribe. And that's just one last little thing I would say. I was surrounded by friends who were very supportive of my attempts to quit drinking. They wanted to see me succeed in that because they could see I was struggling. But they didn't get it. They didn't have the problem with alcohol that I had. So they didn't understand. And being in a group where people just got it, so that I didn't have to explain it. I just had to be there and learn from their experiences and their wisdom, made all the difference in the world to me. And that is why to me, community is the number one thing that would change your experience. Yeah. And we see that over and over again inside project. I mean, actually in the 30-day program, I don't want to discount the 30-day program. It's a fabulous community. Mel, hello. Our favorite follower is here. Sorry, I just had to do that. I know. I'm happy to see you too, Mel. And yeah, please continue to shout out. But hi, hi, Walker, another regular follower. Yeah, that's a really good point, Meg. You don't think you're ready to be part of the community and let people know. I'll just speak to that. I get that. I was scared to reach out. I hesitated for a long time to reach out because I didn't want other people to know. The thing about the 30-day challenge, the thing about Project 90, they are safe, private, supportive groups. What goes on tour stays on tour. It's a safe community. And it's not scary to share because everyone just understands. There is no shame. There is no judgment. There is just love and support. Yeah. And I've talked about this in prior Mindset Mondays with you. And I talk about it on my enrollment calls too. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. And unfortunately, that habit that is ingrained in our subconscious mind is a loop of just doing the same thing again. And so in order to shift whether we're doing it by ourselves or in community, we need to do something that's uncomfortable. And we talk a lot inside our programs about stretching into uncomfortable areas because when you stretch into something that's uncomfortable and you win, that creates confidence and you're willing to stretch more. I would say the ultimate example of that is Jenny and I doing. You want me to do what? Yeah. And yeah, if I go back to my first one, it's pretty, pretty much horrific. But they, you know, James and Kevin said, well, if you did perfect, then we would definitely have waited too long before pushing you out there. So stretch, are you starting to feel more comfortable with that, Jimmy? What with being stretched on doing a live broadcast at 10 o'clock on the Monday night? Yeah, it's perfect. Oh, you have to admit it's getting a little easier though. Yeah. You know what, if even if we're not perfect, Roseanne, if any of the words you say give some support and comfort to somebody out there, then hey ho, that's a result. Sonia. Oh, hi Sonia. It must be Tuesday morning with you because you're in Australia. You're so right. Having the group tribe, whatever you want to call it makes all the difference. And Sonia, you have been, if I may just say, an absolute superstar on the 30 day challenge. Sonia is someone who has crushed the 30 day challenge. She's on day 40, something, no, I think, or just about getting 40. And she is in there supporting, encouraging, commenting, helping other people cheerleading. And that makes, you know, that makes such a difference. That's what makes a community, a real community. So Sonia. I want to talk a little bit. We talk a lot about Project 90, but we might want to talk about the 30 day program today. Yeah. Do you want to tell them about it? What can I say? So the 30 day challenge is what it says on the tin. It's let's go 30 days alcohol free. There's a Facebook group which is vibrant. There's lots of support on there. There's there's fun. There's banter. There's advice. There's wisdom. There are people who are at every single stage of the journey. So there are people still posting on there who are 45, 60, 90 days and beyond alcohol free who are freely sharing their experience and their wisdom. There are people who are just starting. There's a place for everyone on there. And it's a fabulous community. And anyone who has signed up for it and not become active in the Facebook group, I encourage you to do that because there's a real grind to have support there for you. Yeah. And I think Melanie, if you can give the link for that as well below, but we call it do it yourself. Although we have Jenny being, you know, the supportive community manager, but you will get 30 days worth of videos five to 10 minutes long that are just giving you different ways to look at your alcohol habits and how to be light free and open. We do again consider this the more do it yourself. You do have a community. You have Jenny. It's 30 days, but it is very successful for many people. And so it just depends where you are on the journey, how you like to grow. The 90 days is obviously 90 days is more challenging than 30, but, you know, we always recommend for 30 to give it another 30 and give it another 30 and then you're at 92. So yeah, but yeah, I love this. Any other things to Isandra? Oh, someone who looks forward to our show. Well, that's more than we do. 13 days alcohol free. That's brilliant. One more day and you'll be two weeks. And that's halfway to a month and you just keep building. Just keep building. That's brilliant. Yeah. Anything else you want to talk about with? Oh, Alana. Hello. I use alcohol to deal with stress like many others. I'm more likely to be addicted because I've created a use for it. Yeah, that's exactly what we're talking about. We kind of talk about it more as a habit loop. And that's what we do the coaching for on Project 90 is we are not we're putting alcohol to the side. So we kind of don't discuss it very often. But we do discuss the reasons we want to go for it. Like I'm I'm socializing and I want to go out with my friends and they're drinking. How do I handle it? I'm stressed at the end of the day. I want to go and open my bottle of wine or crack a beer or whatever else. I'm depressed. I'm lonely. There are so many reasons why we choose alcohol and over time, we choose it for the same reasons over and over again, it develops a habit. So yeah, that's exactly what's happening. Thank you for that question. I don't see any more questions. So Jenny, is there anything else that you want to just share? We've done 20 minutes, which is probably enough. I'll finish with one with one little quote. And this is from, I think this is from Ben Hardy, who writes a book called Will Carr Doesn't Work, which is a very good read about exactly why trying to do it yourself and relying on Will Carr is is a bit of a hiding to nothing. And he says, surround yourself with people who love you enough to hold you to a high standard. But sometimes we think people who love us should forgive us or go easy on us or be accepting of who we are. But actually, sometimes real love is tough love. Sometimes real love is Jenny, you told me you would do this and I expect you therefore to do that. And the beauty of Project 90 in particular is that I was surrounded by people whose own standards were very high. And they in turn encouraged and enabled me to start to show what is a much better version of myself. That really was the game changer from me. Yeah, I almost find in my experience as a Roman coach, and I've learned, I've heard James talk about this too. It's actually very difficult using a family member or your friends as the guiding post for your succeeding. And it's far, you know, it is far better to get into that community that that is a loving community like you say, Jenny, that does hold you. Well, you're holding yourself to that standard too by joining that community. But hi, Jenna. If I have a family member who is an alcoholic, is it possible that my reaction to alcohol might be more intense than someone else? If I understand that science, well, that there is a gene that is more susceptible to it being turned on if you if there is alcoholism or that habit somewhere in your family. So I'm not sure about intense, it can be intense for anyone. But it's like turning on the switch. I guess that the habit I suppose in my very layman's terms is easier to switch on and introduce to yourself than it would be somebody not. But I've talked to people on phone calls that didn't start drinking until they were 29 and ended up turning it on really fast. So there's a switch, there's a family tree, there is a gene that is, it doesn't predestine you, but it makes it easier to create the habit, I believe. So it's there, it's there for all of us, whether it's in your family or it's not, it can be created equally in all of us. And once the habit is created, it's no different than if it's in your family or not in your family. Would you disagree with anything like that? I think that's right. I think, you know, you could spend forever and you could probably spend years in therapy about why you drink. And I think the experts agree it's usually a quite a complex combination of reasons. Some of that's environmental, some of it's genetic, some of it is circumstantial. And really the thing to focus on is why do I want to stop drinking? What are my whys going forward? So, you know, I could sit and talk for hours about all the reasons why I think I developed a problem with alcohol bats. I don't think especially helpful to me or to anyone else. What I was more interested in is why do I want to move forward and what do I have to gain from it? And that sort of looking forward and not back. I think it's one of our wonderful Project 90 members, Mike, came up with a beautiful phrase where he said, let's be pioneers, not historians. Let's look forward, not back. And that would be my general advice to people just keep looking forward. All right. This has been a great topic, Jenny. Thank you so much for leading that conversation today. Thank you to everybody watching live because you've really participated well today with some great questions and we really appreciate. And so, will our listeners on the podcast, those questions that you have? If you guys are interested in talking more about Project 90, Melanie in the background has posted a link to book a call with me below in the comment section. If you're listening to our podcast, you'll soon hear James talking about how to book a call with any of our other amazing and wonderful Project 90 coaches who are also former clients. But until, and we do hope to hear from you, there's just a lot to talk about. So until next week, Jenny. Bye. Thanks for listening to the Alcohol Free Lifestyle podcast. I want to load you up with some free stuff right now. So if you want to go to jameswanick.com slash guide, I will send you my quit alcohol guide, which has helped six figure entrepreneurs and top professionals reduce or quit drinking. You can also text the word quit guide to the number 44222. If you're in the US, of course, it doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US. But if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide, text the word quit guide to the number 44222, or you can go to jameswanick.com slash guide. If you'd like to schedule a free 15 minute call with one of my top coaches, just an exploratory call to see if or how we can help you, then you can go to jameswanick.com slash schedule, or you can text the word project 90 to the number 44222. If you're listening in the US on a mobile phone, that's jameswanick.com slash schedule, or you can text the word project 90, that's one word project 90 to the number 44222. Feel free to send me a direct message over on my Instagram account, which is at jameswanick. You can also watch video episodes of this podcast and a series of other educational videos on my YouTube channel, which is jameswanick1, or you can direct message me on Facebook at jameswanickofficial. And finally, a request. Would you please now write a short review of the podcast inside of the Apple Podcast app on your phone or on iTunes on your desktop computer? Would you please give the show five stars and write a quick one or two sentence review? This will help the show get in front of even more listeners, potentially transforming someone's life. You can rate and review the show inside of your Apple Podcast app on your phone or over on iTunes on your desktop. Thank you so much and I'll catch you next time.