 I think my mind shifted a lot, you know. I don't have that, that like super duper confident, like this is gonna happen, regardless. I don't have that anymore. I think I'm more of a realist now. Which did, I think it did dilute the creativity a little bit. I think it did dilute a little bit. I'm gaining it back slowly, but I think I got to a place where I didn't believe in it anymore. It didn't feel real anymore. It felt like- Is that because of me? Putting this conversation eyes for a second, cause we now get to bring in the sponsor for this video, which to me is the perfect sponsor because it's all about making your next big idea impactful, purposeful and beautiful, which is Squarespace, a tool that has powered so many of our dreams. And this video is all about dreaming big. So who knows where we go next and how Squarespace can help us get there. So we want you to learn how Squarespace can help make your next big idea beautiful and bold. Watch this. What's going on everybody? Popping in to give a shout out to the sponsor of this video that you're watching right now, Squarespace. Now, it's still early in the year, a little bit, you know, pre-summer. So it's time for you to get started on that next big idea. And if you're gonna do a big, do it with Squarespace. Build a website, launch an online store, use their mailing list and other marketing tools to get that big idea started. Squarespace is an all-in-one platform to build a beautiful online presence. So go to squarespace.com slash shambutti to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash shambutti to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. I flipped the switch, I got my start from flipping nicks. You is the mark, you not no friend. Don't say my name, I take offense. I took my pain and made me rich. I'm in no lane, I bet you pissed. I got your fame, I got your bitch, you is a hoe. Hi there, lovers and friends. Hi there, lover and friends. What's going on? That's all the energy I can muster up for everybody. Why? Tired. I appreciate that I know, that you know what I'm in a mood. Yeah? Yeah, I feel like you know. And you're just like, let me just let her be in a mood. So anyways, how are you feeling? I'm feeling good. I'm mixed feelings I think. I think a little bit of mixed feelings. I think proud, proud of what we were able to do that night and proud that there was like a bunch of people who actually wanted to see me win and all the things like that. But at the same time, I just feel like it was, it feels like another show. Do you feel a responsibility to support it? Do I feel, no, I don't feel a response, I feel a joy in it. The thing about it is I think too, is that like a lot of times when people are like, man, I can't do a dude who's on the come up, I can't do a dreamer, is because that dude's also an asshole. So it's exhausting for me to have to carry this and also manage all of the shitty fallback of you not being a good person. So it's like, I'm fortunate to be with somebody who is incredible, who makes just giving anything that I possibly can give you such a joy. Like you have given me so much, you have gifted me with so much support and so much of your time, of your brain power. I do feel responsible, but it's not in a like, it's more like a yes, either something that I could offer you. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. How do you feel about it? How do you feel at the time? It's frustrating. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, it's frustrating. It's frustrating because I know that I one have the ability and I've been in a lot of the rooms, you know, sitting down with them saying like we love your music and we believe in your music and we think you have it and you have a deal once you have a viral TikTok is like a little frustrating. It kind of is disheartening because it makes you feel like dang, you know, I get it one hand from a standpoint of like a business and you're trying to bet on the short thing and right now it's not about longevity and artistry. It's really about numbers. So it is frustrating how long it's taking. I guess that's why I would think it would not be frustrating because the thing with you is you've never really had a period of time where you've had to feel crazy. That makes sense? Where you haven't gotten a crazy meeting, an incredible opportunity, somebody in a position that could, you know, facilitate exactly what we would need for this to be exactly what you dream of to reach out to you. So you always have these like reassuring moments that, you know, you are not crazy. So that's why I kind of feel like for you just like it should just feel inevitable. So as my wife who's pregnant, when you go to those shows and you see a desire that people have or they grab you or they grab me and what does that make you feel? Yeah, probably an even split, you know what I mean? Like when you had that show with the stripper there's an even split there of like ah, you know what I mean? Like that's my love of my partner but also like yay, that's my love of my partner. What's the ah? The ah, it's jealousy, you know what I mean? Like there's some aspect of that that exists but I also, one kind of get off of the jealousy that makes me, I like having somebody who's desired. I'm really like, I've always liked that. There's a little bit of, I don't know if it's the correct way to use a term but like of a cuckold in me wherein that, you know what I mean? Sometimes even sexually I fantasize with you about you with other partners like and that gets me turned on. So there is something in it that's like pleasure pain. Like I'm sure not massively dissimilar from some form of BDSM where it hurts but it also feels really good. So that's probably how I would describe it the best. I try to like lean into compersion, just joy for you and the last thing that I want is for you to not lean into these moments because one, they make you and two, it is a part of a performance, it's a part of a fantasy. So I would never want for you to be in those moments and feel like you can't lean into them because you have me in mind and I know you always have me in mind. So I wanna make it clear that like that for the flip side for me, you know what I mean? Like if I'm on stage and I'm performing, I don't wanna feel like my husband is feeling disrespected in the crowd if I'm a sexual with somebody else. I wanna feel like maybe you acknowledge that like, oh, like that might feel away but also like the greater feeling here is she's putting on a great show, she is leaning into her art, she loves what she does for a living and this is a byproduct of it. I want you to win. I really, really, really want you to win. For selfish reasons, I want you to win and just because I know that it would mean so much to you. So I want you to do whatever it takes to win. And I think, yeah, not that I'm feeling the time crunch of it now but I acknowledge that like, now would be a good time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, and I understand that and that's part of it. That's part of the frustration and I guess somber feeling that I feel around music is that. I wish I could take away the somberness though because it's like, not to compare it to this but playing the lottery, you know what I mean? You do it because you're like, it would be great. That's it. Not that I need this to happen or like, come on. Cause at the end of the day, you are a six figure man, easily, arguably seven figure. If we broke up, you're gonna get a six figure job. The skills that you have acquired in the production space are like standalone bar none, like you're good. Stand alone bar none, I'm good. Together, we're incredible. And I plan on staying together. So that to be said, I feel like this is not a like, come on, Jared. It's like, come on, Jared. This is for you and here for your joy. You know what I mean? So I don't want you to feel that somberness if anything, it's like, fuck it. That should more be the feeling like this is, if I'm gonna be doing this, knowing that like, we are so busy, there is always work to be done. We are so overwhelmed. If I'm gonna be taking time away from that to do this because I love it, let me really do this. Let me really love what I'm doing and let me really show people what I'm capable of. That's what I want more so for you to feel. I know it's not possible to take away the other thing just because you're a man and you want that, but that would be my dream for you. You know, speaking of the busyness, if when it takes off, how do you think you will cope without having me as much as a partner in the business? I'll be crushed, I'll be crushed, I'll be really hard. Well, just because you're so great, you know what I mean? And obviously like we hired somebody else right now and it's just I learned through that, and you had that aha, a couple videos back of like, it wasn't until we started hiring other people that I really understood how much value I bring. I feel so proud of who you are as a person. I feel so proud of what you've made as a musician. I feel so proud of what we've done together in business. I feel like so, so, so proud of what we've done together to build a family. Let me ask this question in closing. When I met you, there was a sureness about what you were going to accomplish as an artist, as a performer, which I know like those are like your big passion points. And I feel like my practicalness was a clash with your sureness. And then I know there was a time period a couple years ago where you were like, I think that your practicalness has kind of taken away that ability I used to have just to be unreasonable with my dreams. Where are you at today? Yeah, I think that did, I think my mind shifted a lot. I don't have that like super duper confident, like this is gonna happen regardless. I don't have that anymore. I think I'm more of a realist now, which did, I think it did dilute the creativity a little bit. I think it did dilute a little bit. I'm gaining it back slowly, but I think I got to a place where I didn't believe in it anymore. It didn't feel real anymore. It felt like- Is that because of me? I didn't have a lot of people around me that were like, do you know how hard it is? You know what I mean? I didn't have a lot of people of like one step at a time, pull back a little bit. I get it, but I think that because of that mindset, I was able to take care of a lot of like real life shit. I was able to develop skills in other areas because the old me wouldn't have developed any of those skills. I would have been just focused on the music and there would have been nothing I would ever be taking off of that. I think I needed to be brought down a little bit. I think I needed to be like, hey, let's look at this realistically a little bit. There's still things that you gotta figure out, you know? Which I'm grateful for. But I think back to when I was younger, I just had this like enormous ego that like fit really well with music, you know? It just fit really well with, you know, just being undeniable. But I think now I'm starting to get it back because I'm in a place where I know how to switch it on and off. Well, can your ego be fueled by the fact that you have built it somewhere else and you could build it here? Probably and that's probably what's making me gain that back, right? I think that is what's starting to make me expand a little bit in that area or be comfortable to let that go. But it's a thing where as you get older, I think you get less ego just naturally. As you get older, you're like, life is tough. You don't need to be this confident. So there's always like a juxtaposition of being like, when I hit the stage, it's all ego. It's all big. And then my personality in real life is like no ego, very chill, very open. But when I'm on stage as a performer, it's like materialistic things, ego, look how cool I am, look at this, sex. Everything is like expanded to this weird place that's not really how I am in real life. I don't really get too vulnerable on music. I don't really talk about personal things on music. I don't really get super introspective on music. But I am that in real life. I am that on podcast. I am that whenever I'm talking. And I'm only became that way by becoming a realist and looking at myself clearly. So I am excited to infuse a little bit more of that into my music. Just trying to figure out how to switch it on and off. Because you need that ego in the music, unfortunately. Is there a part of you that feels regret not as a person, cause I know as a person that's different, but as an artist that like this is the path you took. I don't know if regret is the word. Cause I don't regret it. I love my life. I love my music career too right now. And, but I think a lot of times I do wonder what would have happened if I didn't build it somewhere else. How far would I have taken music and what would that life path would have brought out of me musically? But then at the same time I'm like, I wouldn't trade it in. So I don't regret it. I wouldn't do it differently. So what next? Blue skin. Yeah, I don't know. Something's going to happen though. Cause I'm ready to sit at that table. Ready to sit at the table. Thank you so much for watching that video. I gotta remind you guys again how much we love Squarespace. I mean, our whole family loves Squarespace. I mean, we use it all across the board. Shan, Lauren, me, and I'm sure Ry you will when she gets old enough. Listen, Squarespace is the most user friendly even for me who has no idea how to code. I find that I can customize the websites to my liking, however I want and they have amazing templates. I mean, beautiful templates, stunning templates. I mean, modern templates, things that if I were to go to a website, I would think a super duper high tech coder made this website. And if you have a mailing list, look over to switching over to Squarespace because it is the most cost efficient one that I've found so far and I've used a lot of them and they can get pricey. Head over to Squarespace.com and start playing around for free. And when you're ready to launch, go over to Squarespace.com slash Shan Booty to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Again, that is Squarespace.com slash Shan Booty. Save 10% off. Let's go. Let's get it. Let's go. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's get it. Let's go.