 RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, and first in television, presents the Phil Harris Alice Faye show. For your enjoyment, here is the Phil Harris Alice Faye show, written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet, with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Jeanine Ruse, and Whitfield, Walter Sharf and his music, yours truly Bill Foreman, and starring Alice Faye and Phil Harris. This is Phil, now here's a word from RCA Victor. Soon another baseball season will be underway, and it promises to be the biggest and the best yet. It's the 75th anniversary of the National League and the 50th anniversary of the American Circuit. And these milestones attest to the enduring enjoyment we derive from our national pastime. It's the American way, baseball today, so get out to the park as often as you can. And when you can't be at the game in person, do the next best thing, root for your favorite team on RCA Victor Million Proof Television. Its quality is proven in over two million homes. That one word quality explains why RCA Victor is America's most owned television. Drop in and see your RCA Victor dealer soon. He'll be glad to show you the wide range of RCA Victor models. And once you see those big, clear pictures, you'll agree, RCA Victor Million Proof Television is the finest television today. Mr. Scott of RCA Victor has just found out that, against his wishes, Phil has been sneaking in a commercial on his program. And he's called an emergency meeting of the board of directors. Gentlemen, I have called this meeting to find out one thing. What is it, Mrs. Scott? Who gave that curly-headed, no-talent trap drummer permission to mention RCA Victor? I go away for a two-week vacation and Harris has the gall to do a commercial. Who told him he could do it? The new president of my company, sir. What new president? Mr. Remley. He told us that RCA stands for the Remley Corporation of America. I've got to do something about that man. I've just got to do something. I know. I'll have him investigated by the Caporva Committee. But, Mr. Scott, they only investigate crimes. Did you ever hear Remley play the guitar? I see what you mean. Mr. Scott, I don't know what you're getting excited about. I don't think Harris doing a commercial is going to hurt us. I rather like Harris. In my opinion, he's a good comedian, a splendid singer. Your opinion? You only know what your psychiatrist tells you. This is a deplorable situation, and I'm going over to Harris' house and make sure he doesn't put in another commercial. Say, Phil, I don't think you ought to do another commercial on the show this week until you get an OK from Mr. Scott. I'm going to do it anyway. It was my idea, and I'm not afraid of Scott. Well, that's up to you. We may all get fired, but I don't care. I don't need the job. Nobody's going to get fired. Scott, I love this commercial. How do you know, Frankie? I wrote it. We're dead. Oh, right. Now, wait a minute, Alice. I told Remley to write the commercial this week. I think this boy has a certain something within him, and I feel that it should be brought out in the open. Once we get it out, we can beat it to death. You'll change your tune when you hear the convincing commercial I wrote. Oh, I can't wait to hear this brainchild of yours, Frankie. Did you make it up out of your own little head? Practically. I took a commercial from one of our old scripts and improved it. I reworded it a little, made it fit. Well, let's hear it. We open up with a new theme song I wrote for the sponsor. It goes like this. Don't despair, use your head, save your hair, use our C-A. Wait, thank you, Curly. Remley, it don't make sense. That's the theme we used when we were on for Fit Shampoo. So? So how many television sets have dandruff? Never mind, Curly. Read the rest of the commercial. You'll notice it's different. It has a new twist to it that people will remember. Well, that sounds better. Let me have it and I'll read it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, that's a nice new twist. Yeah, that's what I thought. Continue. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud of our product. And we want you to remember that RCA Victor Spell Backwards is Rat Kavacker. Which in Arabic means rub, do not blot. And so before you buy another brand of paper towels for your kitchen, see our complete sprang- Wait a minute, Remley. We're not selling paper towels. I know, but the cute way is sneaking up on them. Frankie, I may be stupid, but how do you get from paper towels to a television set? Well, it's easy. You walk from the kitchen to the living room. Right. Look, Frank, this is confusing. I just wanted you to write something that would keep him guessing. That comes in the next sentence. Read on. Okay. And so in conclusion, before you decide on a television set, let me ask you one question. What has six legs and flies? If that don't keep him guessing, nothing will. I think I got something. Maybe someday they'll find a cure for it. Oh, Alice, you don't know about advertising. Scotty will love this. When he reads it, I know just what he'll say. Remley, you're an idiot. Well, it ain't the top sirloin himself. Hello, Mr. Scott. I hope you had a nice vacation. It's good to see you. You're looking very handsome. I know, but I'm not here to be butted up right now. Remley, what do you mean telling Harris that he can do a commercial? I've taken all I'm going to take from you. You're an incompetent, stupid, blundering, imbecilic moron. And there's only one thing that you're fit for. Well, I know Scotty, but I don't want to take your job. My job? You're not going to have any job. You're fired. Now, wait a minute, Mr. Scott, you can't do this to Remley. I'm just as much responsible for this as he is. After all, he's my best friend. And I want you to know that if you fire Frankie, he's going to be out of work. Curly, tell him the truth about the commercial. Tell him whose idea it was. Okay, Mr. Scott, I cannot tell a lie. I must admit that Frankie is not responsible. And, well, if you're going to fire anybody, I feel it's only fair that you discharge the person who is really to blame. Harris, you mean? Yes. Alice. I am not. Bill, what are you trying to do to me? You said you don't need the job I do. Harris, tell me whose idea was this? I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might tend to incremate me. Now, if you'll excuse me, my laryngitis is bothering me. Going home. I'm not going to answer any more questions. You come back here. Harris, I forbid you ever to do a commercial on our program again. Now, look, Scotty, let me try it once more, and I guarantee I'll double your sales next week. Double our sales? Harris, I'll try it. But remember, if our sales fall off as much as one television set, you're fired. If you sell just one, let's set them fired. Yes. And with that happy thought, I leave you. You told Mr. Scott you're going to double his sales. How do you expect to do that? Well, I can sell 30,000 television sets and Encino alone. Who are you going to sell them to? To the people I know. Now, let's see. I'll make up a list. Clark Gable, one set. Norris Gough, one set. Andy Devine, one set. Alice Fay, 25,000 sets. Gail Gorton... Now, wait a minute. I don't mind helping you out, but there's a limit. When you make a record, I buy the first million. When you make a movie, I buy all the theaters after a month. But I'm not going to buy 25,000 television sets. Put me down for 10,000. The fine thing, my own wife won't help me. All I ask her to do is spend a lousy $7 million and she'll have you. Serves you right for marrying a cheapskate. I'll know better next time. Friendly, we've got to find some way to double the sales of our sponsor's product. But how? Wait a minute. I've got an idea. Hmm? Alice and me will make a personal appearance at the biggest department store in town that sells RCA sets, and that way we'll help the sales. So, Uncle... Wait a minute. We need you too. You're coming along. Let's go. Hey, Curly. Why'd you have to drag me down to this department store? I have no intention of selling television sets. It's not in my contract. Oh, be quiet. That's the least you can do for the company. Yes, it is. Now look, here's the home furnishings. Now behave yourself, Remly, while I talk to this guy with the carnation. Pardon me, sir. Are you the floor walker? What can I do for you? Well, we came... We came down to sort of help you out. You probably don't recognize us, but my wife and I are on the radio. We're a famous husband and wife team. Oh, of course. I recognize your voice. I listen to your program every Tuesday. Tell me, which one of you is Fiverr? We're not Fiverr McGee and Abner. I happen to be Phil Harris. Oh, catch me, someone. I'm going to smooth. Oh, you like me, huh? Oh, yes. You're my favorite Frost Warning announcer. This boy's got to go. Let me breeze on his carnation, Curly. You better not be allowed to put a whole knee suit. Look, mister, we do a radio show for RCA, and, uh, well, I'm here to do you a favor. I am going to autograph every television set you sell. Would you do that for me? Oh, you're just a ginger peachy boy. Oh, that's all right. I'm glad to help you out. But I'll bet since I've been on the air, you sell a lot of our company's television sets, don't you? Oh, heavens to Uncle Milton, yeah. We just can't keep him stuck since you've been on the air. Why, we had ten sets on the floor this morning, and all we have left is that one set right of, whoops, there it goes! Don't be a wise guy. All I want to know is how are our television sets selling? How should I know I'm in ladies girdle? Excuse me, I have work to do. Go already, go. Well, maybe we better forget the whole thing and go home. No, I'm not. The salesman walked off the floor and there's nobody here to sell these sets if somebody comes up and wants one. Well, who cares? You think I'm going to hang around selling television sets? You're crazy. I'm getting out of here. Young man, will you please wait on me? Yes, I want to buy a television set, but I can't wait around here all day. Well, don't wait. Go home. Punch him, Permanence. Young man, you're very, very rude. I don't like your manners. You ain't no Emily post yourself, fatso. Why don't you waddle off? Emily! What's the matter with you, anyway? Well, this is our chance to sell one of our sets. You've got to show a little enthusiasm. Now, watch me. Madam, I am at your service. What can I do for you? Do you sell RCA Victor Television sets? Ewww, do we? Now, you step right over here, madam, and I'll show you the grandest set that you have ever seen in your life. Well, I heard that this make is the best on the market, but I don't know much about television, you see. And could you slain the technical points to me? Happens to me more than that. Now, there's one thing I know, ladies, it's television. Now, look at this set right here. Notice the beautiful lines on this cabinet. It has a wonderful 17-inch screen. Bill. And just feel the smooth white enamel finish. Bill! You're showing a rebendix washing machine. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, here you are, madam. This is our beautiful 17-inch model. Isn't it gorgeous? Gorgeous? Oh, you know, it's lovely. But I don't want that color. Well, hon, you can have any color you want. You see, we could give you a cherrywood finish to match your ruby lips. Or perhaps a mahogany finish to match your dark, smoldering eyes. How about a bleached blonde finish to match your hair? Or would you prefer a short, squat-wide model to match your figure? This young man keeps insulting me. What on earth is wrong with him? He needs a new aerial. You see, his head is in a bad location and he doesn't get good reception. Madam, if you want a good television set, I suggest this one here. Oh, well, I certainly like the looks of this set. Now, are you sure this is the best set made? Absolutely. And you don't have to take my word for it, madam. Just, well, try it and test it yourself. Let's try our famous television test. Light up an RCA. Don't inhale. Now blow the cathode tube slowly through your nose. You'll notice there are no harsh uritins. Ramley, will you... Madam, believe me when I say that our company makes the best television set in the world. Ask any one of our satisfied users. Ah, here's a young lady now. Who, me? Yes, Miss Sprinklefinger. Uh, would you mind telling this lady what you think of our product? For three years I had stomach pain and then I started drinking your product. My stomach improved but I lost all my teeth because of... All right, Alice. All right. What are you trying to do? Win an award? Why don't you fellas leave this poor lady alone? Madam, madam, if you want to buy a television set, I suggest that you take this model. I have one just like it at home and I find it's perfect. Well, now, if you like it, Miss, I'm sure I will. I'll take it. Shall I wrap it up or will you eat it here? One other thing. I must have the set installed today. Oh, of course. It will be installed within an hour. Well, thank you now. Just charge it. Here's my card. But remember, if it isn't installed today, I do not want it. Well, don't you worry, lady. You'll be seeing television tonight. Phil, why did you promise her that? They're too busy to install the set the same day it's bought. We don't need them to install it. Well, who's going to do it? Frankie and me. Remly, you and Alice grab a hold of the set and carry it out to the car. And what are you going to do? I'm going to sing and make your task more pleasant. Possibilities, possibilities. We're living in a world that's full of possibilities. Ain't no miracle too impossible for anyone who sees the possibilities. If you recall your history, then you will find that all its famous men turned out to be the kind of men who never stopped to look behind. They looked ahead to see what they could see and they saw possibilities, possibilities. They never overlooked the single possibility, proven naturally. Opportunity is for the one who sees the possibilities. Each time you try to solve a new phenomenon, the skeptics say it's just a dream I know. But after you're a hero and the job is done, then you can tell the world I told you so. Yes, there are possibilities, possibilities. If you will only make the most of your facilities, folks will idolize. Even eulogize the little guy that sees the possibilities. When Christopher Columbus proved the world was round, he called Queen Isabelle on his return. She said, now tell me, Chris, about this place you found. He said, well, Belle, as far as I'm concerned, it's your god. Possibilities, possibilities. I tell you, Queen, I've never seen such possibilities. And I really feel we should make a deal before somebody sees its possibilities. When little Abe was growing up in Illinois, to be a big success was his intent. He studied so much harder than the other boys, till one day he became their president. He saw the possibilities, possibilities. He never overlooked the single possibility, proven naturally. Opportunities for the one who sees the possibilities. I guess by now there ain't no doubt about the point I'm bringing out. So if you'll open up your eyes, you are bound to recognize the possibilities. Possibilities, we're living in a world that's full of possibilities. Ain't no miracle too impossible for anyone who sees the possibilities. Possibilities. I'm ready to go. Oh, thank you. Well, we aim to please. And tonight you can invite all of your friends and your relatives over and enjoy television. So long. Just a moment. How about my antenna? Oh, you can have her over too. And tell her to bring Uncle Earl along. I mean the aerial. You didn't put one up on the roof. I'm not taking the set until you do. Oh, the aerial. We left it out in the car. We'll go out and get it. We ain't got no aerial in the car. I know, I know. We gotta go back to the store and get one. Too late, the store's closed. But we need an aerial to make the sale. Where are we gonna get an aerial? Don't ask me where we're gonna get an aerial. I don't know. Curly. What's that on the roof of the house next door? Yeah. No, Remly, we can't take it. Why not? Those people aren't gonna be watching television tonight. How do you know? Because we're gonna steal their aerial. How can I disagree with such a logical argument? But look, we're not gonna steal it. I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll borrow it and then replace it tomorrow. Sure. All we gotta do is find a ladder and sneak up on the roof. Look, come on. Well, we got the antenna off, right? Yeah. Now look, let's carry it down the ladder. Okay. Give me a hand with it. If we drop it, we'll break it. Yeah. Now take it easy. Take it very easy because this ladder's rickety. Yeah, that's it. Nice and easy and quiet. So nobody'll hear us. We don't want any noise. You don't open that ladder, you see? Hey! Hey! Julius, you're a little late. What's the idea of scaring us? What are you... We're not trying to steal anything. Then what was you doing up on that roof? Well, we were... Mr. Remley got a little high, so I had to go up and get him. What's that story, Mr. Harris? The cops won't know about it. How much you want to bet? Wait a minute. We can get into a lot of trouble if you turn us in. You'd be nothing but a squealer and an informer. I resent that! The cops find out about this. It won't be because I'm a squealer or an informer. It'll only be because of one thing. What's that? I'm a soul pigeon. Well, if you must know, kid, we went up to borrow this antenna. Oh, no. Hey, Curly, look at it. It's broken into half a dozen pieces. What did you want this antenna for? Oh, well, we borrowed it to make a sale so we could get in good with Mr. Scott. You borrowed the area from this house so you could get in good with Mr. Scott? What's so funny? I don't get it. What are you men doing outside of my house? It's Mr. Scott. How do you get it? Oh. What's going on out here? I was watching television in my house and suddenly the screen went blank. I came out to see if it was my... Where's my antenna? Is something missing? The antenna is gone. Do any of you fellows know anything about it? I don't. I don't. I don't. Julia! It's a boy talk. What? What were you going to say, Julia? How much would it be worth to you, Mr. Scott, if I was to tell you what happened to your antenna? I'll give you $5. Just a minute. Mr. Harris, how much would it be worth to you if I didn't tell him? Here's $10. That's a deal. Sorry, Mr. Scott. Mr. Harris gave me $10 and therefore I am not at liberty to tell you that he stole your antenna. I might have known he did it. Harris, where is my antenna? She just left with Uncle Earl. Hey, Scotty, I'm sorry we broke your antenna. I guess you won't see television tonight. I'll see television tonight. I'll have an antenna. It's 11 o'clock. I know, I know, I know. How long do we have to stand on Mr. Scott's roof with our arms outstretched like that? What are you kicking about? He's got two lead wires connected to my gold inlay. Alison Phil will be back in just a moment. Every year the citizens of Tin Pan Alley turn out about 50,000 new songs. Most of them vanish in a day. A few have melodies and lyrics with everlasting appeal. You'll find 54 of these all-time song hits sung by nine great popular singers in the 27 records just recorded and released which comprise RCA Victor's spectacular new Singers single record series. Every record is a single, so you can choose exactly your top favorite song by your top favorite singer. All the way from Tony Martin singing Pagan Love Song to Fran Warren singing Stormy Weather. While Fran was making Stormy Weather, the engineers took down everything that happened in the studio unbeknownst to her. And the result is a gay and zany platter called recording session, which is yours for 25 cents on request, along with any record you buy from this great new series. One more reason why you should make tracks for your RCA Victor dealers soon and latch onto the song which means the world to you. This is Phil again. The future is for sale. You can buy it by saving. The dollars you put into U.S. saving bonds bring you that future. Use the payroll saving plan where you work or use the bond the month plan where you bank. Either way, you'll be buying part of your future with U.S. saving bonds. Good night and thanks. Good night everybody. This program is produced and directed by Paul Phillips. Included in today's cast were Martha Wentworth, Gail Gordon, Frank Nelson, Bob Jellison, and Leo Cleary. The part of Frankie Remley was played by Elliot Lewis and Julius was played by Walter Tetley. Here, whether you're buying a television set, a radio, a vichrolophonograph, or records, put your faith in the cornerstone of American home entertainment for three generations. RCA Victor were leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television.