 I'm a husband. I'm a father. I have a full-time job, and I have a hobby on YouTube where I review, talk about movies. So safe to say there's not a lot of things that excite me these days. Get me out of bed. Motivate me. Learning of a new matrix, however? That was it. That was the fuel I needed to plow through 2021. I thought the first trailer was great too. Sure, it was missing the greens of the original series, but as a fan, I know that they rebooted the matrix for a seventh time. The Sun was brought out by that cute little girl programmer. I don't know what she actually is. I think she's like a little architect of sorts. And then there was that last line of the trailer where that Chad bro goes after all these years to come back to the matrix. Oh, it was so good. I felt things. And then the code comes up with the logo. Oh my god, yes. So imagine my disappointment, my unbridled rage, when I saw the film with my buddies. And it turned out to be a complete and total colossal fuck-up. Let's talk about the matrix rebooted, which is what it should have been called. Trinity, help this script because it's terrible. I saw the movie once, I will be sketchy on plot points. There's a lot going on, yet at the same time, nothing going on. I refuse to watch it again because it was dog shit bad, so here we go. This is a spoiler video. I already put out an actual review. You can watch that spoiler free. It's on the channel just before this one. Keanu Reeves is back as Thomas A. Anderson, a.k.a. Neo. But this isn't the Neo you remember, it's not even the Neo he remembers, because once again, he's stuck in the matrix and he doesn't remember anything. And the machines have the audacity to make him a computer programmer, the visionary, the creator of the matrix video game trilogy. That's right, the matrix has gotten meta. It refers to its first three films as video games that you can play on, I assume the PC, maybe the PlayStation 6 or 7 or Xbox 2 as in TOO, or whatever these new systems call themselves, because I assume this movie takes place a little bit further into the future than where we're living now. Maybe not, who knows, the matrix can be set at any time period, that's why it's so cool, or at least that's why it was so cool. I only say that it's in the future because the video game graphics from what I can tell are state-of-the-art. They look exactly like the graphics of the movie. They look like the real world, the fake real world of the matrix. I'm not sure how this game is played because they show actual movie clips. Okay, this is gonna be all over the place. The movie starts out with the fake Trinity because they're watching a different version from the video game. She's going through some of the classic scenes from the first film except for Done Poorly, but things are a little different. This old code has some new tricks. And one of our new protagonists, Bugs, as in the white rabbit cartoon character who was also owned by Warner Brothers. Yeah, we got synergy, we have tie-ins here. They fucking named one of their leads up of a Warner Brothers cartoon character. God, this company sucks now. What happened to Warner Brothers? They used to fire on all cylinders with Harry Potter, with 300, with the Matrix. Now we have Space Jam 2, the Fantastic Beast property, and this pile of ass. The Matrix. Resurrections. Bugs goes through a key shop. Remember the keymaker from the Matrix Reloaded? That's a callback. She then goes through a back door. Remember the back doors from the Matrix Reloaded? So far so good. And now we're inside of Neo's room from the first film, but it's actually a modal. That's a new word that Lana Wachowski learned when writing the script for this, and they will say the word modal in this almost as many times as they say the Matrix. Which is a thousand times. It's here where we meet fan favorite Morpheus. Except for it's not the same guy. It's not Laurence Fishburne. It's not even a human. This Morpheus is a digital recreation that looks different, talks different, but he tries to kind of act like Morpheus, and he's aware of what he's doing. He wants to be like the original Morpheus. This movie wants to be like the original Matrix, yet it sabotages itself at every turn. Why bring back iconic characters, but then replace the actor that made them so iconic? And I'm not just talking Laurence Fish here, I love my fish, love my Fishburne, but we're also talking about freaking Agent Smith who's in this, but not. Hugo Weaving as Agent Smith is one of the all time greatest movie villains ever. All time and ever. I guess that's a little redundant. It's kind of like the deja vu of words, right? Deja Vu. Remember Deja Vu from the Matrix? Remember the black cat? It's in this. Its name is Deja Vu. How fun. How fun. Everything's a callback. Everything's a reference. But the movie knows that it's doing this. It's meta about it, so that makes it fine, right? No! I shouldn't possibly go through this thing in order, beat by beat. I'm just too frustrated to think properly about it. I will just say the plot from what I gather is that the Matrix is on the 7th iteration. It takes place roughly 60 years after the events of Matrix Revolutions. I just rewatched the entire trilogy for like the thousandth time. I love them. Even the third one is disappointing as it is. Especially now that everything else that comes out these days is complete and utter shit. These movies look better, so much better by comparison. At the end of the Matrix Revolutions, the Matrix is rebooted as I stated for the 7th time. We have this new little girl who's in this film by the way. She's grown up. I don't know why she grew up. I don't know why she ages. She's a program I believe. I believe she was a human who then chose to become a program, but she gets to stay and live in the Matrix because she's a genius. She's a developer. She gets how it works. She builds things. She made the sunrise for Neo at the end of that film. Remember? We remember this stuff. We also saw at the end of Revolutions the architect, aka Colonel Sanders, talking to the Oracle, who was replaced because the original Oracle actress died and then they had to get another elderly black woman because apparently the Oracle program really likes the shell of an older black woman. Fine. Whatever. I think it would have sold it more though if the Oracle chose a shell that was like a young Asian boy or something to kind of contrast and make the audience think that they didn't just replace the actress with someone that looked similar and talk similar. Anyway, I'm way off. Anyway, what we didn't see is that even though these two had a pact and agreement to leave the humans alone and wake them up if they wanted to wake up, not causing any interference, what we didn't see is that a new architect rose. He took over. He casted out the original Oracle and Colonel Sanders. They're gone, deleted or something. And this new one, who's NPH, Neil Patrick Harris, he's now running the show in the Matrix. We don't know what's going on outside of it. We don't know who's really in charge outside there. They just let him kind of do whatever he wants, though. And whatever he wants to do is really fucking dumb. His ingenious plan is to resurrect Neo and Trinity from death. I don't know if you remember this or not, but also in revolutions, Neil lost both of his eyes. He was in a bad state. Pretty sure he died at the end. He kind of had his Jesus pose. They fixed him. They humped, he dumped, he had his ass back together. They gave him some fresh eyes that they probably took off one of the other lifeless husks in the pods. They extracted, I guess, the 25 pounds of rebar that was sticking out of Trinity. They just whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Just pulled that shit out, sprayed her up, patched her. She's fine. Maybe they did the heart-beating thing like Neo did to her and reloaded. Who knows? Technology's crazy these days. So now they're at the top of the fetus fields right up there in their own little pods looking at each other. They're, of course, unconscious. They're in the Matrix. The reason for this is the new architect understands now that the reason why the one, the reason why Neo was so powerful, able to do even more than his predecessors was because of the power of love. Yeah, we Huey Lewis in the news this shit. Neo and Trinity had such a spiritual, physical, raw, animalistic attraction to each other that they're basically one in the same. Separated. They're strong, but together, together they're unstoppable. Lana Wachowski, who directed and wrote this by herself this time, her sister didn't come back for these. Although I do feel like she made a deal with her under the table that they were going to get royalties for her, she would make some money off of this and I'll get to how in a second. Neo Patrick Harris wants these two yearning for each other at all times. He's going to dangle them in front of each other like carrots that they can never get to. They can never eat like Bugs Bunny wanting to carry. Remember Bugs Bunny? That character's in this. Warner Brothers. Watch the Looney Tunes. Warner Brothers owns the Looney Tunes. You like Looney Tunes and bugs! Neo's always tempted to go up and talk to Trinity, who's known as something else. I can't remember her name. It's like Abigail or Karen or it doesn't matter, but he won't. He can't say what's up doc to this white rabbit. Something's compelling him to stay away. It's probably the massive amount of blue pills he's being prescribed to keep his mind unedged, to keep it from being sharp enough to see what's really going on behind the screens. It takes for fucking ever to get him to wake back up and to go through all the trials and tribulations he went through in the first Matrix to get to the stupid Nebuchadnezzar or whatever that ship's called now that they're flying around in to get to the new Zion which is called Ion or Utah or whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't care. We find out that Morpheus died because he believed in Neo so much that he was willing to stay behind for him to get another sign of what to do next so he and a bunch of clowns basically buried under the rubble at Zion. Whatever. Will Smith's wife's back. She's a complete bitch now. Just an absolute disaster of a woman. She was cool and a believer in Neo but now she's not. She thinks it all sucks. She hates that there's people like her that want to do things against her orders. Naomi. That's her name. Naomi. Naomi. You are the worst. She brings up how she's old like five times too. Every other line's like I'm getting too old for this shit. I don't have time to go fight the machines. We're gonna stay down here in our spice farms. We have robot human hybrids going on. We're working together. Oh that's right. That's another plot point that's just kind of quickly glossed over. I guess there was at one point in time machines fighting each other. Machine on machine action. Some of them decided to work with the humans. That's kind of cool. That's an interesting idea that we're not going to dig into at all. Instead possible merchandising opportunities. We have cute robots. There's one that looks like a manatee. There's another one that looks like that stupid stick from Fantastic Beasts and there's a third one that looks like Mothra. Buy that kids. Why is Christina Ricci in this? She has 20 seconds of screen time. You wasted Christina Ricci. Sorry. Completely out of nowhere. I just remembered she was in this for 10 seconds. Okay. An hour into this film my buddy turns over to me and says, man I sure love this Seinfeld 100th episode clip show. Because the movie keeps not only referring to the original trilogy but showing scenes from it. There's probably a collective total of five minutes of original footage sprinkled throughout this thing. Doesn't sound like much. But when you're constantly jumping back to Mr. Anderson or dodge this or not like this. Not like this. Okay they didn't do that scene but they should have. I love that scene. How's it going to be the one if he's dead? They didn't do that either but they did show Neo like holding up a steak at one point and laughing. Only one of the directors came back but I said that the other one probably got royalties and the reason I'm saying that is because there was so much footage from the first movie sprinkled throughout this that Lawrence Fishburne's getting a paycheck that the other Wachowski sisters getting a paycheck. Like everybody's getting a paycheck for this. Everyone. Even Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny's getting some money for this. For the name drop. So the entire plot of the new Matrix movie boils down to Neo loves Trinity so much. He's willing to risk it all for her. The collapse of new Zion. The war starting back up again. Because he's got to be with her. Remember when it was about freeing minds in the first film and then they decided the next two movies are going to be about saving stupid Zion and people were like ugh really? I thought maybe in the fourth Matrix they'd say like you know what the Matrix was really cool when it was about freeing minds and dodging bullets and being in leather and looking badass with some cool music. That's all gone. Everything that was cool about that is fucking out the window. Now it's just referential humor. Action done far worse. Agent Smith. Dear gods what is that? They bring in this Chad to be Agent Smith. He's just like casually walking around. Like hey Neo remember us? Inevitable. Other things I used to say. Mr. Anderson. Now I call you by your first name because this is a different movie. Where are the agents? Sometimes we see them. They look kind of dumb. They're shorter for some reason. They're not intimidating and the slightest. Now there's this new ability where they can make like regular people be agents and nothing works in this at all. And I don't even understand why Smith is there. I believe there's mention that when they started the Matrix the seventh time Neil Patrick Harris' character wanted him in there because he was curious about him but he had limits on him. I don't know or maybe it was like code that somehow snuck through. But I'm pretty positive Agent Smith was completely decimated. His virus was destroyed at the end of the third movie. That was the entire point. Was Neil was hooked up. The Matrix could get information on that piece of shit and eliminate it. I have the Frenchman. I forgot the Frenchman's in this. He's wearing garbage. He's just swearing and popping up in French about how Neil ruined everything. He is the complete amalgamation of the Matrix resurrections. If someone were to come up to me and say Adam what do you think of the new Matrix movie? I would point to the Frenchman and say that's what I think. He went from being a refined, intelligent, clean cut individual to being this sad sack homeless machine wearing trash, running around, cursing. That's what this is. That's what Matrix 4 is. The action is so bad too. Why is it so low budget? There's some good effects here but there's also some really bad ones. The bullet time effects are horrendous and the new use of it where Neil Patrick Harris is just like oh I'm in bullet time. Look how cool this is. It looks awful! And it goes on for an eternity! And then, as an architect, you would assume that he could like doctor strange shit if he wants. Like throw buildings, throw cars, do whatever. With his vast knowledge, his best source of attack is to just have people dive bomb out of windows. This movie is like 2 9-Elevens wrapped inside a rise of Skywalker. I was turning to one of my buddies and predicting scenes 30 minutes before they happened or just saying like oh god I know what they're doing now. Oh look, it's the lobby from the first movie. They're taking an elevator to the roof. Remember the roof scene in the first film? They're doing it again, but much worse. He fired back and said I bet we're going to see a shot where bullet shells rain down on the screen. ONE MINUTE LATER! Bullets raining down on the screen! I turned to him and fired back with I guarantee you this movie ends with our two leads finally wearing their black shades and leather flying at the camera like they did in the original. Turns back and says with rage plane. And it all happened! It all happened! Except for now it's a female version of rage because we love our cover bands. Oh yes, Intrinity is also the one. She's the one. Of course she is. Why wouldn't she be? Why wouldn't she be? How good did that Morpheus statue look by the way? I love that he's still rocking the open shirt kind of gut after all these years. The Zion folks decided that was the image to go with. That's the one they needed to chisel for all eternity. And then they put it in a cave where no one goes. It's brilliant. So good. So, so good. Where was the music? They had the sound effects but nothing cool to go along with it. Neo for some reason doesn't know how to fly. Yet he knows how to stop bullets like right away. He's stopping bullets. He's force pushing people. How can you not fly? You're clearly fully awake. You know how to bend the laws of reality or I guess it's not reality. The laws of the matrix. Freaking do it! I just, I just can't with this film. There was no emotion. They tried for some but it wasn't there. I never felt scared for anyone like I did for Morpheus in the first film. Constantly. I never felt excitement or joy or any, it didn't elicit any emotions outside of why. Why is every decision in this so bad? Why does the action look so horrible? Why is it cut so terribly? Why can no one hit anything with a gun? There's a point where there's agents shooting at the fake Trinity and she's right there. They're like 10 feet from her. She's not dodging the bullets. I mean I know there was some of that in the first couple films but not to this egregious level. This is honestly for me one of the biggest disappointments in Star Wars Episode 1 for me. Going to the theaters, being so excited and then just to get slapped with this shit. I truly don't understand how anyone can like this movie. Let alone love it. Like some apparently have been. I don't believe they're real. I believe they're agents in the machine. This was a long rant. I'm sure I missed some things still. It's a long film. I, I, you know, I'm going off the cuff here off memory, off one time. I don't want to see this ever again. I wish there was a pill I could take to make me forget this exists. I mean there, there is. I'm sure if there's pills out there that could make me forget. Is it worth it though? Probably does, yeah. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Did you hate this as much as I did? Or did you see something I didn't? The fact that it's a trans allegory or that it's got some deep, complex symbolism in there that I'm just not appreciating. I don't think so. I think it's pretty on the nose and pretty awful. Subscribe to the channel if you haven't already. Like the video, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And hopefully I'll see you soon. Hey, did you know you can also find me on Patreon at Patreon.com slash Adam Does Movies? There's even a dollar tier over there. So if you think, hey, this guy's pretty entertaining. He's putting out a lot of good content, but I don't have a lot of money or I just don't care enough to really support him. I could do a dollar though, a dollar's fine. You could also support me right here on YouTube via that join button. You just have to push that to go through a couple steps and you're in. Alright, well that's it. If you excuse me, I'm going to go drink some bleach now and try to forget this exists.