 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with the title tune from the picture Something to Sing About. Back in the year 1904, Mr. H. W. Kircher of Kankakee, Illinois happened to be visiting in Buffalo. He attended a pure food show and discovered a new product he had never heard of before. It was called Jell-O. He took a package home and gave it to his best girl who made a dessert out of it. That was 33 years ago, and listen to what Mr. Kircher says today. Later, after we were married, we always served Jell-O, and we're still serving it. I just want you to know about one of your customers. I don't know how many packages I have purchased, but there have been thousands in my home anyway. Well, we call that real loyalty, and Jell-O must be good to hold its friends for over 30 years. Jell-O was a great treat 30 years ago, but it's an even greater treat now, for the only changes that have been made in Jell-O are those that have made it even better. Today, Jell-O brings you a new delicious extra-rich fruit flavor, a full-bodied real fruit goodness that's supremely satisfying. Order Jell-O from your grocer tomorrow. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. One thing to sing about played by Phil Harris in his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that favorite of men, women, and children, especially men and children, Jack Benny. Sir, Jell-O again. This is Jack Benny talking. And, Don, that was an awfully nice introduction. Up to the word, especially. You know, I don't do so bad with the ladies either. Oh, I didn't mean that, Jack. I just feel that you're not as romantic as some of the other male stars in Hollywood, and I thought I'd point it out. Well, it's not nice to point. But let's forget that, Don. I've got something to tell you that's much more important, a real surprise. Well, yes, what is it? Well, for a long time, I've been intending to make a certain move. It's been on my mind for weeks, and yesterday I did it. I'm like a kid with a new toy. Why? What did you do? Well, I finally traded in my car. You know, my car, you know the one I've been driving around all the time. The Stanley Steamer? Yep. Yep, the old Stanley. Well, it's about time you got rid of it. Wait a minute, Don. I know I've had it for a long while, but that car was in very good condition. I've never had one bit of trouble with it. Well, then why did you trade it in? Well, I'll tell you, Don. I thought it was a little bit too old-fashioned for a young fellow like me. You know how it is where the girls won't even look at you nowadays unless you put on a flash, so I traded it in. Well, that's fine, Jack. What did you get? A Maxwell. Oh, it's a honey. A Maxwell? Why, they haven't made those in ten years. Oh, it isn't new, Don. It's been used, but it's in... Really, it's in swell shape. Where do you see it? Oh, I'd like to. What color is it? Well, it's a sort of a plaid. It's been painted several times, you know. It's a coupé, you know. Oh, a coupé. Is it convertible? What's that, Don? Is it convertible? Oh, sure. I can get my money back on it, anyway. Oh, yes. No, no, Jack. Is it convertible? Does the top go up and down? Oh, all the time, Don. Oh! What? What? It's got a lot of pep, believe me. Hey, Jack, what's this I hear about your new car? Oh, yes, Bill. I got it right downstairs. You ought to see it. So, you finally got rid of that old tub, huh? Yeah. What did you get? A Maxwell. A Maxwell? What is it, a foreign car? No, Bill. It's a Maxwell. It was made right here in this country. Well, gee, they ought to advertise. Well, to tell you the truth, Bill, they haven't made them for quite a while, but the one I've got is pretty modern. It's right up there with the best of them, you know. Have you got a radio in it? No, but there's a Victrola on the steering wheel. Of course, it only plays when I'm turning corners. Jack, I can't understand a guy like you buying a second-hand car. Why didn't you get one of the new ones, the 1938 model? Oh, before you get delivery on them, you get tired waiting, you know. But with a second-hand car, it's different. There's no delay. You walk on the lot, pick the one you want, they tow it out, and there you are. Well, all I can say is, a car as old as that can't be very easy riding. Oh, no, well, ask Mary. She was out in it. Hey, Mary! Yeah? Come here a minute. You were out in my car, weren't you? Uh-huh. Oh, you ought to see it, fellas. Jack and I drove all the way to Santa Barbara in back. Yes, sir. Boy, am I stiff. Yes, stiff. That car runs plenty smooth, and you know it. Then why did you strap me in the seat? Because I never knew what minute we were going to take off. Anyway, when a fella asks you for a ride, you don't have to be so critical. I'm not critical, but gee, after a ride like that... Were you badly shaken up, Mary? I'll say. Now I know what a molded milk goes through. Oh, it wasn't as bad as that, Mary. You know, we went clear to Santa Barbara and back without a bit of trouble. Oh, yeah? What about that door that fell off? Well, that was your fault. You leaned on it. And anyway, any car that can make a 90-mile trip without stopping for gas or oil must be okay. How long does it take you, Jack? Well... We started choosing. Quiet. It took us about five hours down, but we were bucking to win. Anyway, it was a very pleasant drive, whether Mary liked it or not. I did like it, and I've got black and blue marks to prove it. Well, you guys can laugh, but I'm satisfied with my little maxing. Hiya, fellow fellow. Hello, Kelly. Hello, Kelly. Hello. Oh, boy. You ought to see where I saw it downstairs. What? A car. Gee, ought to see the crowd standing around it. The crowd? Are they admiring the car, Kenny? No, they're waiting to see the guy that would ride in it. Oh, they are. Well, Kenny, for your information, that car belongs to me. Oh, I didn't know that. Well, it does. If you don't happen to like it, you don't have to make any smart crap. Oh, excuse me, Jack. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I think your car swells. Well... Now, look here, Kenny. Control yourself. You're here to sing and nothing else, so go ahead and do it. Okay. Wait a minute. See who that is, Mary. Telegram for Jack Benny. Take it, Mary. What are you going to sing tonight, Kenny? I'm going to sing that old feeling. Oh, look, Jack. This wire's from a vaudeville agent in New York. Well, what does it say? Uh, Jack Benny Hollywood. Can offer your car three weeks at Paramount Theater. Ah, you see? I knew that was a good investment. I know what I'm doing. Sing, Kenny. Mary, why room did I go with the car? Well, yes. You last night and got that all When you came inside, I got that all The moment that you danced by I felt a thrill pop my eye again I seem to feel that all The spark of love was still for me It's last night my heart was so gay Suddenly something had happened to me That you danced by It felt the thrill of love for me It's Folks of 1938 sung by Kenny Baker In his usual fine style Kenny, your stock just went up three points. Thanks, Jack. And now, ladies and gentlemen, For our feature attraction tonight We are going to present something Of a more legitimate nature Something... Kenny, I warned you. Oh, boy, what a car. Now, wait a minute, Kenny. I stood for just about enough. And that goes for everybody in this company. I don't want to hear another word about my car. And that's final. Now, let's change the subject. Ladies and gentlemen, Jello is not only inexpensive and easy to make But it tastes twice as good as ever before. It comes with six delicious flavors Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Thank you, Doc. Oh, that's all right, Jack. And now, ladies and gentlemen, As I said before, tonight We are going to present something of a more legitimate nature Something very unholy. We are offering... We are offering our version Of 20th Century Fox's recent film success Wife, Doctor, and Nurse Please, Mr. Zanick. Now, as you may remember This picture... This picture starred Loretta Young, Warner Baxter, and Virginia Bruce. I will play Warner Baxter's part, The Doctor. And I'll be the nurse. That's right, Mary. And I invited Loretta Young to play the part of my wife. What did she say, Jack? Oh, who needs her? Oh, I don't know, Jack. You'd like to have Loretta Young play that part. Now, wait a minute, Phil. Don't be too sure. There are a lot of girls who are much more beautiful Than Loretta Young. Aw, Jack. I don't mean you. Well, name one. Go ahead. Name one. Well, the scene of our little play Is the office and clinic of Dr. Benny, The famous physician and surgeon. You know, folks, I can hardly wait till I play this part. It's right up my alley. Oh, Kenny. Yes, Jack? Run out and get me a mustache. I want to look like Warner Baxter. Okay. Get him a face, too. Don't worry. I'll look all right. Hurry with that mustache, Kenny. I can't do a thing without it. Well, Jack, if the part in our play tonight is so important, Why didn't you grow a real one? Well, I did, Don. I did grow a mustache, But it looked like an eyebrow, And I kept winking my mouth. Oh, it was awful, huh? Well, that must have been annoying. Well, I didn't mind that, But when the doctor told me my teeth needed glasses, I thought that was too much. Anyway, this play will go on immediately After the next number. Oh, Phil, play something apropos, will you? You know, something that will put us in a medical mood. Oh, we'll jangle your nerves, all right. You probably will, yeah. But, Phil, the way you run down your orchestra, Goodness, isn't there, Is there one good man in your band? Yes, the guitar player is swell. The guitar player, well, he isn't so important. He is too. He marcells my hair. You do? Well, I must make an appointment with him. My hair needs a wave, doesn't it, Mary? Yeah, but you better do it quick. No, I don't know. I got all the hair I need. It's better than what's that shiny spot in the back. That's where he parked his car. Oh. It is not. That's where I used to worry. And, Mary, I told you to lay off my car. It's my property. I bought it. And I'm the one that has to make the payments. Payments? I thought it came in a box of cracker jack. Well, I suppose that doesn't cost money. Anyway, we're wasting a lot of time. Let's get in the mood for our sketch. Play something, Phil, while I get into my stethoscope. I've been played by Phil Harris and his MDs, musical demons. And now for our play, Wife, Doctor, and Nurse. The opening scene is... Hey, Jack! Here's the mustache you sent me for. Isn't it nice? Let's see it. Oh, a pretty green one. Kenny, you're the only person in the world that would ever think of buying a green mustache. Hate it the truth. Certainly is. Imagine putting a green mustache under my nose. If I was your upper lip, I'd walk out. Well, it'll have to do. And now for our play, folks. Wife, Doctor, and Nurse. The opening scene is the office of Dr. Benny, where we find his staff, his nurse, and some assorted patients. Curtain. Music. Hello, Dr. Benny's office. Sorry, the doctor's out doing research work. He's down at Miski studying anatomy. Good-bye. Miski. Hello, Dr. Benny's office. What's that? Your husband swallowed a collar button? Well, that's not so serious. Oh, it was in a shirt. Well, I'll tell the doctor. Good-bye. Good morning, Doctor. Good morning, Ms. Livingston. Is the patient in 5.03 showing any improvements? Oh, he's much better. This morning, he chased me all around the room. Really? Yeah, but today he caught me. Well, we'll have to discharge him. Say, Doctor, are we operating on Mr. Wilson today? Yes, Doctor, yes. But first we must take another X-ray. What does this chart read, Ms. Livingston? Here it is. He has a marked febrile reaction and a high lucustosis. But the polynucleus cells and the lymphocytes show no toxic changes. Oh, that's terrible. Terrible. Good. Oh, isn't it? Well, that's fine. Only two guesses and I got the wrong one. What about Mrs. Smith in 2.18? Well, Doctor, her scoliosis is impaired, but her ophthalmic index is below par. What do you think of that? Nothing. You're not going to catch me again. I'll be in my office for the next hour. Call me when we're ready for Mr. Wilson. I'll do that, Doctor. I wish you'd give me something. I got an awful stomach ache. Well, you're a doctor. Why don't you treat yourself? Not me. I charge too much. Well, dick or a little, you'll come down. I'll be in my office, Ms. Livingston. Ms. Livingston. Ms. Livingston. What's the meaning of this? What? Who put pants on that skeleton? I did. Doesn't he look cute? Cute. Who ever heard of a skeleton with pants? I saw it in Esquire. Well, take them all. Yes, sir. Oh, Doctor, I forgot to tell you, your wife is in the reception room. My wife? Show her right in. I can't. That's the part Lariata Young was supposed to play. Well, get somebody else to play it. We've got to go on. Get anybody. All right. This way, Mrs. Benny. Oh, hello, dear. Hello, darling. It's a fine substitute. I'm so glad you dropped in, dear. Have you been shopping? Yes, I bought the cutest pink rompers for Junior with little blue pockets. Oh, for Junior, I can hardly wait till he puts them on. If I'm Junior, I'll scream. Get out of here. Well, darling, run along. I'm very busy. I'll be home early. Oh, you say that every night, and I keep waiting and waiting. But this time, I mean it. What are we having for dinner, honey? Oh, chicken pot pie, and I made it with my own little hand. Oh, goodie. I'll bet it's lousy. Now, run along, dear. I'm very busy. But first, I got to have some money. I want to buy some lingerie. Lingerie? Well, all right. Underwear. All right. Here's $25. Now, go. Wait a minute. Why don't you introduce me to your friend? What friend? That's a skeleton. Skeleton? Yeah. Well, it was his own fault for coming to you. Now, scram, dear. Get out of here. I've got lots of work to do. All righty. Goodbye. It's a fine mix-up. I'm so mad I could operate on somebody. Yes? Oh, doctor, we're all ready for Mr. Wilson. Fine. Get Dr. Baker and Dr. Harris immediately. First, we must have another X-ray to confirm the diagnosis. Prepare everything. Yes, doctor. Well, here we are. Everything set? Yes, doctor. We're all ready, doctor. Are you nervous? No, no, doctor. Not a bit. Well, I am. Have you had any new symptoms? No, doctor. I still keep saying strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. And you still see those big red letters on the box? Oh, all the time. All the time. It's more serious than I thought. Well, we'll have to take another X-ray. Stand over there a little so you're in focus. Is this all right? Fine. Now, ready for the picture? The machine? Quiet, everybody! Quiet! Dr. Baker, you notice how high the right diaphragm is? And the epiglottis? All right, so I'm not a doctor. Dr. Baker, you notice how high the right diaphragm is? And the epiglottis seems to be a little swollen. Yeah. Yes, sir. Look, doc, he seems to have a paddock hypertrophy. What's that? Wouldn't you like to know? Yes. Oh, doc, look. He's got coins in his pocket. Don't grab. I saw him first. Wait, look at that abnormal shadow on the left side. We must remove it at once. That's his heart. Oh, then that wouldn't be cricket. Ah, but did you notice he has that same effa- That same effa- That same condition. Right, rush him to the surgery. What's the matter with me, doctor? Absolutely. We must operate at once. Oh, doctor, doctor, we're all out of ether. Out of ether? What do we do? Squeeze Kenny. It certainly was. Liberty magazine gave it four stars. Darn it. What are you mad about? That's two more than they gave my picture. Well, I'm a stash home now. I'll see you in the morning this Livingston. Good night. Well, wait a minute, Doctor. Before you go, there's a patient been waiting all day to see you. Very well. Send him in. Step right in the office, sir. Thank you, my little light-spidden. Hello, Schleppo. My, my, my, you've got a fancy office with snappy furniture. I'll bet you're charging twenty. No, no, no. My fees are reasonable. Five dollars for an office visit and fifteen dollars if I come to your house. If you catch me home, I deserve it. Schleppo, what seems to be the trouble with you? I don't know, Doctor. One minute, I'm waiting for you. Very well. Send him in. Step right in the office, sir. Thank you, my little light-spidden. Hello, Schleppo. One minute I'm hot, the next minute I'm cold, and then I'm ringing wet. There are alarming symptoms. When did you first notice them? This morning, when I took a shower. Well, that's simple. Just give up bathing. You're perfectly all right. No, no, Doc. I don't feel so good. I think you should give me some medicine. But you don't need medicine. You're perfectly normal. But I feel sick in the wider breaks. But you're not sick, Schleppo. You're the picture of hell. I'm dying, and he's talking pictures. Now, Schleppo, believe me, there's nothing wrong with you. Why don't you be more of a salesman? But look, Schleppo, I can't do it. I got prestige. I've got ethics. Who cares what you got? I'm the patient. But I don't want to take your money. There's nothing the matter with you. Nothing the matter with me, you fucking... I got headaches. I got chills. I got pains in my back. I got rheumatism on my arms. And not only that, my teeth hurt. Oh, come, come, Schleppo. That's impossible. Impossible? Why? Because... You can't have everything. Be satisfied with the little you have. I must have everything. The way I suffer and the trouble that I have. Let's laugh. Your hair will be forgotten. But I feel rotten. Then bring it down to Dixie. Say hello to Dixie. You can't have everything. And thus, ladies and gentlemen, ends another one of our highly dramatic offers. Why, doctor and nurse? Did you like it? Everybody likes the excitement of a thrilling new dessert. That's what I'm going to tell you, Bob, right now. You'll find swell new recipes on every package of jello. Attempting a variety of suggestions for all kinds of desserts and salads that will give you many new ideas for planning your winter meals. Here's one delicious dessert called macaroon velvet, made with rich cherry red jello, fresh macaroons and toasted almonds. It's a grand company dish, but it's inexpensive. Here's another. Fruit Symphony, made with shimmering green lime jello combined with grapefruit, orange and tanned pineapple. A year-round fruit dessert that's lovely to look at and even better to eat. There are lots of other recipe hints on the different jello packages. They're all appetizing and easy, but you must be sure to get genuine jello. For you'll find these recipes only on the jello boxes, and only jello brings you that delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor. All six flavors of jello are crammed with luscious real fruit goodness. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. So get the best. Insist on the one and only genuine jello. This is the last number of the fourth program in the new jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. I hope you all like our little play, and that you will all... answer the phone, Mary. Hello? Yes? Oh, Jack, it's Loretta Young. Well, tell her it's too late. Not for what she has to say. Good night, Paul. National Broadcasting Company.