 Hello goddess, it's Deanna Jarrell with commitmentconnection.com and today we're going to talk about why you cannot be friends with your ex-boyfriend. And if you'd like more videos on how to attract the man and relationship you've always dreamed about, make sure to subscribe to our channel. So friends with an ex, this is a very, very tricky subject and when you break up for reasons other than he cheated on me, I hate him forever. The extreme examples where you actually want them out of your life, it can be really tricky to navigate. How do you still stay connected to this person that you care about, that you maybe love, maybe you even share children with them or property with them. But it's a really slippery slope for a couple of reasons. The biggest one is that it prevents you from truly being available to someone new. And what I mean by that is emotionally and energetically available, right? Because if you're still connecting with your ex, even if the romance or the relationship is over, you may still be getting some emotional needs met from that man that makes it kind of less enticing or less attractive to a new man coming into your life. And if you're dating, you might have had the experience where you're going on all these dates and maybe you have the great first date or second date that never turns into a third and you're telling your ex-boyfriend who is now your friend about these dates. And all of a sudden his energy and input is coming in and coloring that dating experience. And those new men in your life will feel that you're unavailable and they won't be able to maybe name it or put their finger on why, but they won't call you back and you won't know what's going on. So being friends with your ex can prevent you from opening yourself up to a healthy new relationship. Consider also that what happens when one or both of you get into a serious relationship or even get remarried, right? Where are the boundaries there with what's acceptable, what's not acceptable? Jealousy can creep in once this happens. Not only, you know, from you or from him, but also from the new people in each of your respective lives. So you're going to wonder why are you still connecting with your ex? What is it that you are getting from that connection that you aren't getting in this connection with me, right? And creates all sorts of emotional messiness and potential for jealousy and unnecessary drama and upset. And then the last one always makes me laugh. Have you seen that movie when Harry met Sally and they're in the car driving to New York and he says men and women can never be friends because the sex stuff always gets in the way. And she's like, no, I have plenty of male friends and there's no sex involved. And he said that's because they don't tell you, but they still want to have sex with you. A man can't truly be friends with a woman he finds attractive. And this sexual attraction makes it really hard to keep a platonic friendship, right? No matter how you slice it and you can always choose to act or not act on that sexual attraction. But, right, it's all in, you know, what kind of relationship do you want to create with this person? And if you do cross the line one time, you're more likely to cross the line the next time. And then suddenly you've put yourself into a friends with benefits situation. And again, creating unnecessary confusion and drama in your life when really, right, not being friends with them, not trying to be friends with them could be so much healthier and easier. It's also important to look at your intent. Why do you want to be friends with your ex? Do you have a network of friendships in your community or are you feeling isolated and they're the only ones? I know when I was trying to be friends with an ex that I moved across the country for, right, I didn't have a strong group of girlfriends to go out with. And it was this like awkward period where I was leaning on him to provide all of my social and emotional needs. And at a certain point he did fulfill those, but then he started dating someone new and all of a sudden he wasn't available to me anymore. I was doubting myself. I was lonely. And so if I had questioned my motivation at that point, maybe I would have done something differently, right? I would have tried to build my network of friendships away from that relationship that was long over. So let's go over those again. Why you can't be friends with an ex? It prevents you from truly being emotionally available and energetically available to someone new and starting something really great that is right for you. Jealousy can creep in once you or them start dating someone new and you'll have to explain your relationship to those respective significant others. And finally, sexual attraction makes it difficult to keep it platonic and the boundaries are unclear. So if you can build your social and friendship network without your ex, you're going to be happier, healthier, and then down the line, right, if it's meant to be, if you really, really want to be friends with them, it'll be coming from a place of high integrity instead of a place like where I was of desperation and loneliness and a fear of letting them fully go to let somebody else into my world. Thank you so much for watching. I'd love to hear from you. Have you been able to be friends with an ex? What was that relationship like? How long, right, between when you broke up, did you decide to be friends? Let us know in the comments and thank you so much for watching. Thanks for watching. And if you'd like to discover exactly what to say and do to get the man and the relationship you always wanted, click the button to the right of the screen and I will talk to you soon.