 Zack Snyder's rebel moon rebel moon We have a wow there's new there's a new magnum opus Yes, yes Something the the new the new greatest film ever made I'm waiting for this for forever. I'd say yeah No, it's pretty exciting. I mean this is this is like the culmination of a decade's long journey Yeah, I would argue that rebel moon when we heard of Zack Snyder We were like when do we get to have something like a rebel moon like a like an original When do we get his mature his mature take on Star Wars, you know, like science fiction Do I'm so tired of child wars? That's what we call it because it's so childish Yeah, you know, it's Disney Star Wars is bad. This is Netflix, which means something really significant Yeah, that means that it's good. I think Yes Well, I mean Netflix and Snyder put together when does that ever failed? I mean, yeah, like army of the dead was oh Gorgeous film. May I say maybe it's true. Yeah, like our eyes watching it was really really didn't hurt our eyes I was I was gonna say I don't know that I've watched a film that didn't hurt my eyes as much as But if it did that would only be evidence of the glory and the the sequel The army of thieves that everybody talked about Not a prequel. Oh Yeah, the That's right prequel it came out later that year and everybody was talking about it everyone talked about it Everybody's talking about like oh man I'm so excited for the army of the dead universe that's gonna be an anime and I think a comic book and like more movies Everybody's been talking about the big thing. Everyone talked about was the rebel moon and army the dead are in the same Universe, which oh really? Shit, I think that's probably the biggest news for media of the year. I think you remember Do you remember like in super the Super Smash Brothers trailer where like the villager got the letter and Is how hype that was not even comparable to I was about to say same world, but scale-wise that's tiny So you're telling me that that uh that we could see well, no, I guess Dave Batista's character got blown up Well, maybe maybe he's not blown up yet in the rebel moon world Oh, yeah, maybe it's a prequel. We'll see him and it's like man. Hi there Rebel moon characters. I sure hope I don't get blown up. I think yeah I think that's what the end of rebel moon is gonna be. We're setting up earth. It was all gonna set up Okay, so like the post credit scene will be Dave Batista gone I'm putting together a team to go to Las Vegas and I need you in it rebel moon Yeah, but the end of rebel moon 2 will be god making earth like that's gonna be the after credits It's gonna be god himself Like creating the universe Yeah, it's the most like meaningless shared universe announcement ever What are you talking about? It's it's profoundly meaningful What is it there to gain from this rags? For instance, here I am thinking that the um Well, one of them that was kind of kind of interesting I suppose is um The fact that blade runner and alien share the same universe Uh, or that like little easter egg when I think it was prometheus came out There was like a note or something that referenced tyrell or something like that and it's like oh look and I was like Okay, that's kind of interesting because they're both two sci-fi properties that take place of the future even though 2019 It's one of the first blade runner takes place. Um It's in the future now hot. So it's in the future. Yeah, it's it's essentially it's in the future You have replicants, right? So you have like cyborg androids and you know, I was like, okay You a little bit of crossover there with you know the bishop and all that. Okay. That's like something That's like, okay, that's it That's a thing I could sort of like think and ponder on and this is like Oh, I'm either dead and rebel moon or in the same as like that doesn't mean anything There are different ends of the universe. It doesn't matter That's that's just a meaningless thing that you just probably came up with after the fact and then announced it Well, no I mean bear in mind that that's going to be more meaningful in the director's cut of our rebel moon part one a child of fire If you watch the r-rated director's cut, which is really the true version of the film hence why they released this one Um, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's why they try but that's why they released this one There'll be connections. There'll be more meaningful connections To to our army of the dead and rebel moon and seven samurai as well actually takes place in the same universe as rebel moon And I I think that a soka will show up because they try she's going to travel to So cool And that might be the rebel moon galaxy is going to be yeah, that's that's interesting Wouldn't that be so interesting if main character in this in rebel moon part one a child of fire In rebel moon part two scar giver if uh, she Scar giver hell, yeah A director's cut for the second one called scar giver or or justices scar edition Justices scarred like that. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. The justice is scarred. You know, just like man not man of steel The the the the the final film in the man of steel justice league trilogy Justice league justices gray edition Oh true version because when it was being made for theaters It was definitely designed to be four by three rather than 16 by nine or the i max ratio I've got the truth Because this shares the universe with all those things and because it took a lot of inspiration from star wars Are you saying that we might get a crossover where asoka and kora meet up and team up to create The dynamic duo of the two most bland boring Paint by numbers Female protagonists that we could ever possibly get You were talking about Kora from the legend of kora that I didn't realize rebel moon took place in the avatar Rebel moon does take place in the avatar Is indeed called kora Oh, well that makes sense because netflix is doing a live action adaptation of avatar the last step and so many Universes I can't hold all these shit universes Are there any universes that aren't shared not under the visionary direction of zack snider Of which we are pretty big fans. We've seen like this whole library at this point Oh, wait, I haven't seen dawn of the dead the one that I hear we've seen the legends of gahool I haven't I haven't seen that right okay, so i've seen the majority of his filmography Elijah wood these are lord of the rings connection. Elijah wood was the voice of the protagonist and guardians of gahool Interesting Rebel moon is a part of the lord of the rings universe. Yes, it's upper earth Yeah, if i'm scrolling through the simerillian it will mention rebel moon Oh, yeah, so you scroll through the simerillian it will talk about kora and the um the astro militaris And the moon that was rebelling the rebel moon. Yeah There was a loyal moon and a rebel moon Well, I imagine there's got to be more than one loyal moon and more than one rebel moon But I guess somebody's got to be paying for all these spaces the first moon that rebelled I feel like it would be called rebel moons if there was more than one I don't think zack would lie to us like this you would let us know maybe maybe that's the sequel rebel moons Well, remember the sequel after the because I think the plan is that there's going to be Uh like a trilogy but remember part one and part two was not like two out of three That's that's like one so it'd be a trilogy of sequels. I think um So that there'd be like a trilogy of sequels Yeah, so I imagine it'd be rebel moon two part one whatever it's called Maybe scar taker taker taketh them back Take a scar taker. That's cool. I will take the scar that you gave I don't know like an an elderly man of water Um, you know elder scars Because it's like it rhymes. Oh Oh the elder scars skyrim scar the elder scars are some like ancient being the elder scars like no All of what happened that's ancient scars. They're like a star. I'll be so awesome and cool legs in the face But if he doesn't do that if he doesn't have doing it it wasn't cool But if he does do that be so cool Or god of scar or scar of war. I'm not even sure which is even I guess would probably be a god of scar, right? He gives the scars and he's he's in charge of them. They're like under his domain It's like for every scar you have the more power you have and the elder scars like have really big old scars Yeah, and then the emperor runs around cutting people because it gives him power There's one scar to rule them all And everyone's trying to get the scar to rule them all Oh, he could have provided a whole bunch of scars to different races But then they didn't realize there was one scar made in secret When instead of taking another scar was given he has to take it to the hospital So the doctor can like fix it up, you know, put some stitches in it That's right. He'll look very if you think of being a prequel series about how the scars were made Oh, um, yeah, what the scars of power? Yeah, you call it scab Scab Scab and Zach Snyder is 14. So he picks it all the time. So it doesn't heal properly So it goes on and on and on Is that you summarizing Zach Snyder's career the scab that never gets healed because he's picking at it No, no, I'm not I would never say that about the visionary director all tour of our time Zach Snyder the creator of rebel moon No, wait child of fire part one part one child of fire. It's the name is so good child of fire It's not clunky at all. No, no, it's so epic. I would say and it really commands a sense of mystery and also clarity I like it when the name of your movie References a character in the movie who is one of the most unmemorable boring and bland characters You could have possibly created and then you call her the child of fire And then no, I think it's funny that you've described it that way when she's got the most going on As in the characters. Yeah. Yeah, so like because I agree with you I agree with you about the assessment of a character, but at the same time She's the one that I would be able to tell you the most about I think so because they spent four or five scenes Awkwardly telling us all of the backstory All right, is it time do we begin? Yeah, so now it's the time when we talk about rebel moon rebel want to child of fire. Um, wow Oh my god So can can I say let me tell you this when I went to the efap discord with my announcement that I had seen rebel moon I typed out. I think my message was I saw rebel moon and it wasn't as good as aquaman 2 There you go everyone if you need to question its quality. I don't know how anyone can deny that I well and I like it's like a joke thing because it's a really bad movie, but it's also true It wasn't as good as aquaman 2 It also wasn't as fun to watch as aquaman 2. Uh, no, it's miserable. It's a pretty Not like the kind of bad movie that you can have fun with like aquaman or Yeah, I'm guessing Terrible, but there are some things like, okay. Oh, it's john rise davies crab. Ha ha ha. That's fun Oh, look orm said a thing that I kind of like Um, oh, isn't it crazy that the doctor is here and That's evidence of how because aquaman it's a clown movie. It's not, you know, it's not mature It's not exploring interesting themes like rebel moon does. Yeah, actually, that's a good comparison because it'd be like Oh, well, so is rebel moon a clown movie like a dead clown. That's probably how you look at it. Like, no He's not moving Lying in a ditch. Yeah, because like I think a clown movie is supposed to at least imply a bit of like Look at the clown. Look at him jumping up and down juggling, but if he's a dead clown A dead clown is just sad Yeah, and you like smells I um Can I draw an odd comparison, but it'll make sense And maybe you'll maybe you'll sort of see the connection Um after I make it I'm going to make a connection between rebel moon a child of fire part one And starfield Okay, okay All right, so both of them science fiction new ip's that came out this year Both of them have all of this funding enough funding to basically Tell and create a world that is anything that the creators want it to be It is a dream project Let us take starfield, right? Bethesda money Bethesda backing whole development team art team programming encoding team allegedly Um, and it's a new ip you could do anything you want. You could make a new science fiction world Anything you want and they made starfield, right? Shit And then you have a zack snider who somehow against all odds after failure after failure after failure Still gets given. I think that it was I think for both parts it was 166 million So over 80 million dollars to make a science fiction movie that could be basically it's anything you want because you're the visionary Director our a tour of our age Zack snider, I'm gonna call it. I know we're only 23 years into the 21st century But i'm calling it off tour of the century zack snider and you have all this money You can do anything you want And all you do is this this is what you make of it From what I've heard I understand the comparison Yeah, um his movies the ones that we're not a fan of A lot of people claim we don't understand them Okay, I wonder how much we don't understand about rebel moon Uh, maybe that will become apparent in the time. Yeah, you know if if you're in the comment section Tell us what we did not understand about rebel moon because I need to know I need to understand why this man keeps being given Just millions and millions of dollars To make projects like that are that are terrible. I need to know I need to know the secret I think it was the trailer of a rogue one where she says you're a rebellion I rebel or something like that Why didn't she say I rebel moon? What I well, I mean that's the reason why rogue one didn't make a more billion dollars. Okay Um, it's obviously the set in the same universe Yes, absolutely. Yeah, this is a star war. So why I believe uh rebel moon began as him trying to pitch a star wars movie to uh To um to shortly Really? Is that actually true? Are you mean? Uh, well look, right? I'm a wikipedia andi and I saw on wikipedia that it was saying that um That shortly after disney had acquired lucasfilm This was kind of the pitch of like, I want to make like more of a mature star wars and then over the last decade It's turned into a rebel moon But then it began That explains a lot That explains why this is the word a new hope Redo since the force. Oh, I've seen so many people say yeah, but it's still better than like disney star wars I don't I don't know why we would be saying things like that I don't even know if that's like a foregone conclusion. Honestly. Yeah, I legit don't know if I agree with that I think also rise of skywalker is way funnier than rebel moon Yes, I would absolutely watch the rise of skywalker again over rebel moon and there are some things that are good Has a lot of nice shots, which is something that I can't say for rebel moon compared to Compared to a lot of sniders all the work. Honestly. I don't know what it is. Wow. Well um army of the dead and uh and rebel moon are like his worst looking films, I would say easily I don't know what easily like they and and of course the interesting little factoid is that um He's the cinematographer on army of the dead and rebel moon Whereas he had cinematographers for his other films Is that something you can get a degree in? Is that like cinematography? Is that a thing that uh like like photography or something like that? Well, the thing is is that for that you look at basically any film ever made There is a cinematographer and they're usually not the director. There's someone else There's someone a dedicated cinematographer Which makes sense Yeah, yeah, it does make sense. Um, their focus is entirely on When and where to get those shots in and it's just so funny to know that what technology to use what cameras how to add everything up He's the appreciation for sniders. I it's just curious that all of it comes from movies that he's not the cinematographer on The thing is i'm happy to give him that because he's the director if he's if we assume that you are ultimately responsible for Everything that's creative about your project. You're responsible for getting the right people to Realize your vision with clarity But I do find it really bizarre and interesting that the films of his that Really don't look nice at all are the ones that he was a cinematographer for and because this film has a lot of similar products army of the dead in terms of really blurry shots murky environments like lack of clarity Well and the lens that he's chosen it's that goopy lens But I was going to say had he not been the Cinematographer on this and army of the dead and they both looked amazing Like still shitty scripts or whatever, but they both looked amazing then we'd still I think I would happily maintain that He's still got a good eye But knowing that you had full control over how those two looked and that's what they look like it's like Really challenging my perspective on it during the editing process Or you know during review of like any of the footage that they captured on any given day That he looked at it and went yeah, this is good. Um, this is really good. This is what it's done It's finished. There's nothing more to add or to take away. This is a final product. Send it to netflix And then they were like do people like this? Is this what people like? Okay, sure Well, no, they were probably just like oh sweet. Wow amazing because it's netflix and they don't know any better It's similar to zack snider and that I don't think netflix knows what quality is Uh, netflix is really unreliable. It feels like netflix's strategy for things is throwing darts What blindfolded and sometimes they land and plenty of times they don't whereas, you know, maybe like eight or nine years ago Well, it seems like eight or nine years ago netflix had a perception of being quality Because a lot of their original stuff was quality Um, but now if it was like the opposite is the case netflix kind of has like a trashy reputation Um, yeah diamonds in the rough a lot of the time exactly incredibly inconsistent and unreliable So there was um, yeah, I I think that if If you just zack snider is worse than randomness. I think oh, yeah, which is yeah, he's worse than randomness Yeah, just if netflix just gave just whatever projects to whatever people like you'll get bangers You know and they do and ronald the hobo will come up with something More sensical as a story than zack. Well, you know, uh, we've made the comparison before date feloni is like He's like a he's what an 11 or 12 year old would like create in terms of just sort of throwing all their toys together Of like, yeah, and then there's a soak in my oc and she comes in and she's like And using the lightsabers and that's so cool and like sniders like an edgy teenager. That's where he's at He would take one of the toys and be like and then they die Exactly and what that represents is this really lame Concept like that he thinks his ideas are incredibly profound when they're pretty wrote and basic um Wait, is that the right word wrote? Yeah, what does that mean? Um Maybe that sounds like it could be a word. I I don't know how I get like it's been done before almost Oh, oh, okay. It is it is wait It wrote rote a mechanical or habitual repetition of something to be learned I'm I'm sorry now. I'm like excited or whether or not I don't even know if that's like Wow, I learned something new every day, but I don't know if that's the The the point being is that the ideas aren't nearly as profound as he seems to think they are Um, they're just not that interesting like the the driving ideas of like the idea, you know, like Ah, fuck. Do we do we want to retable the conversation about the dc spider films? Or do we just want to move on? Yeah, there's there's nothing profound in them. Um I mean just no, but isn't it interesting like you see paradise lost and The painting with the the demons coming from the sky like the para demon see because they they've got wings too And that's pretty that's pretty clever and isn't it interesting to think about superman as a god entity rather than as like a man Who who grew up on earth and is a human being? I thought you use the word wrote was that it's not he's not learned anything He's just been making films according to films being made like there's nothing Uh in the heart of it. I guess for lack of better I guess the problem is like I don't know if that's I don't know if that's exactly I don't I don't view him as like cynical Though I think I'm starting to move I'm starting to move more towards cynical because I feel like we're getting further and further from the films That he's made that I kind of like like I like 300 I like that movie. There's something to it to like. Yeah, I don't blame anyone for like, you know In a long time since 300. Well, it's easy to imagine why people like 300 like I remember when it came out And it was very you know, it was cool and edgy and it had that, you know, it had a lot of stylism You know stylism and I guess it'd be something that's worth Noting is that you know, that's based on a graphic novel watchman same deal Meanwhile, like sucker punch. That's an original idea Um And obviously, you know, I'll be of the dead and now rebel rebel moon is an original idea ostensibly um What do you think about the idea of that? What do you think about the idea that zack snider is spoiled? I think he's I think I think he is um overrated for sure. Um Like he's sort of been given way too many chances and too much approval by too many people on the line Who see that's an interesting one, right? Michael bay is not Viewed well critically, but his films are successful. Um, he's he's he is a consistently successful filmmaker though You know the last few films of struggle and war, but like, you know, like the rock Armageddon bad boys transformers. These are all really successful films. They made a lot of money Sniders not as reliably bankable Um sucker punch was a massive bomb man of steel Yeah, you know, like 200 million dollar budget 600 million, you know, like, uh box office You know, like Yeah, I mean you make money this is our big thing, you know, this is a this a really big deal minus deal big superman movie Batman v Superman is a box office disappointment The expectation was that film was going to make a billion dollars and it didn't Uh, and then and then, you know, justice leagues, obviously that's way more complicated because It's in some sense. It's not his film. Um, but you know, army of the dead It was successful. I think on netflix by its metrics, but in terms of its cultural impact non-existent More or less was it successful on netflix is uh Successful, I think in terms of the amount of people who watched it when it came out, but again cultural footprint You know like yeah, like it's like a new thing comes out. Everyone sees it or everyone there's like i've got netflix Of course, there was a lot of um Metta to that beyond just whether or not someone wants to see a film like it Yeah, the way they tried to sell it is Yeah, I know it's Kind of interesting. I guess that's what i'm saying is I don't he's not he's not like he's not that profitable It's a director. It's funny on um, I was on fnt and they uh, somebody said he makes michael bay look good and i was like Well, that's not even michael bay is like A filmmaker talent that exists in his is filmmaking He can you can get you an arc that's pretty simple one He can get characters that bounce off each other because they don't have different values At least in his earlier films his earlier films were very technically impressive as well in terms of the amount of Like the amount of coordination that would have gone into one of the shots that he did special effects Transformers was really groundbreaking Um, and and of course he made the rock which is just a downright good film It's a good movie with things to say Yeah, i'm a big fan of the rock and it says them in a mature and emotional way And then there's more artistry in the shower shoot out of the rock than the entirety of rebel moon or anything Zach Snyder's made So sometimes it is shocking to think that michael bay was behind the that shower seat. It's very uh, it's wild There anybody who hasn't seen it before it's give off the wrong perspective by saying the shower scene It's a room that is the showers, but it does nothing to fucking do with showering Let's just put it that way. It's a very effective scene. It's uh, yeah, it's a really iconic scene in the rock hyper implement like modern warfare 2 the gulag was Certain portions were heavily inspired by that Um, it's like it's an actually interesting scene in a film that's kind of interesting for what michael bay would typically be Viewed as making i mean michael bay has made a lot of bad films. All right. Yeah, he really has but again, it's like Yeah, I don't I don't I don't think I draw as much of a comparison between like him and zacks and i do They feel like they're different. They represent different things Um, no, yeah, i'm with you. I don't really see the connection at all. Um Michael bay has good things that you wouldn't want to take away from him. Zach Snyder doesn't have anything worth taking away I always thought his reputation was he'll entertain you, but it's not going to be much substance Like that's michael bay's thing. I think the big thing in his favor is he knows what he's making and he's not ashamed of that He knows what kind of films he's making whereas Snyder's more pretentious Convince that Snyder understands storytelling. I just don't I don't think he does Again to come back to that comment on his saying he's he's wrote is the it's like he understands I don't know start middle end not even really just the Events happen and then they progress and then you have some kind of action scene like an end in credits Like I feel like he understands very mechanically Film in some way shape or form really the why in a sense like why Anything to do if I said the heart and soul behind it is like there's just none of that he makes sort of like the The daydream version of a movie Where if you're just idly sitting around imagining scenes in your head, that's just the film he makes They're not the scenes aren't connected and there's no real Meaningful continuity between any of these disparate thoughts. They're just It's just the daydream movie that he sort of makes and it's empty and shallow and it doesn't have any Refinement or care put into it. It's just a discardable random Thing that pops into your head and but he just goes with it and that's the film that he makes But I do agree I don't think it's kind of like what we were talking about with Like how does how does disney course correct with marvel and star wars and stuff and and I'd mention that I don't think that they Know what good is to aim for and so I feel like with zack snider is it's like um It's like he can't hit the bullseye on anything Because he he has like a like he has a machine gun and he's firing off All of his shots, you know all of his movies It's very loud and bombastic and he thinks it's so incredible and impactful and it's in slow motion But he doesn't know where the bullseye is He has no clue. He doesn't even know what he's aiming for So how could he possibly make a good movie if he did it? It would be by complete coincidence. It'd be an accident He's had too many chances and he has too much control. It's been in that control that you have I I will say that that isn't forming it like the idea that Getting like three plus chances essentially you could say like 3.5 chances with like dc stuff That was already pretty absurd and the notion that it's like no, but there needs to be more We need more than like three big Like dc films with all of like the big dc characters that you could one in your story To get like three and a half chances really is is pretty like ridiculous And if it was unfair Those films like don't really warrants. They weren't successful They they weren't really that successful commercially or critically So You know, meanwhile a lot of other people get one chance if they fuck up once then they don't get any more chance So they don't get to make more sequels. They don't get to have their story Okay, given hundreds of millions of dollars He had three seasons taken from him basically He succeeded and he got and they gave him one more season To to finish his story. That's why people are wondering whether or not we'll even get that I hope so And I guess it's interesting right because you look at people like JJ It's like, well, you know, JJ made money for a time But now that he's not like he hasn't made anything for the last four years That feels like his chicken's kind of coming home to roost Yeah, of like you've delivered consistently bad films and a lot of big franchises for like the last decade And now they're not making as much money anymore. So now you're out, but for whatever reason, snotter keeps getting more chances Well, at least with this one. I'm seeing the the sentiment alter completely late like everyone's making in front of him The interesting thing for rebel moon is that there's this is this is him, right? This is him with absolute creative control new ip We are far past any of the era of like dc stuff going on. This is him In his purest form on screen Again, really And now if it's bad if it's bad who you're gonna blame Well, I think we don't particularly surprised because of army of the dead But it's a lot of people are And it's like, yeah, you didn't watch army of the dead, huh? And they're like no you didn't watch it or you forgot about it because army of the dead was truly miserable Yeah, it was it. It was one of the worst movies I've ever seen He just kind of got away with that one that one just kind of slipped through as like that doesn't affect anything in terms of perception Of his talents as a filmmaker whereas now. Yeah, this one's been too It's been too prominently marketed as yeah, zack snider doing his own new original thing Um, you know, this is all him right in the same way that osoka was all day feloni um And yeah, it's not it's not a very good movie You want to talk about it? It Yeah, I would love to talk about rebelman part one a child of ice and fire Like the time stamp will be like at 32 minutes. They start talking about rebelman. Yeah, look, all right. Yep. Um So we're like any delay for solo Any grand epic sci-fi world it needs an intro it needs Exposition to understand which is something you get for free in a lot of movies You're like you're allowed to do that every film maker was opening crawl is essentially that So what do we learn about this world? the Would someone describe as like oh this was integral to describe it's funny because I'd always come back to star was what? A perfect opening crawl for getting you all the context you could possibly need that not necessarily couldn't have been garnered from watching the film itself But that really helps you slip right in to a world that's completely alien This this one You get it feels so much more like again the the teenager telling me things or I'm just like wait hang on so It starts by saying like we got mother world And mother world is just like the will the the planet they came from but also the faction We're gonna have the world is the empire Yeah, we're gonna have a few returns to this idea of he's shitty at kind of picking out names Yes, I think there's quite a few names in this that I would just be like no no no Let's think about it for longer than two seconds. Well, I've got something for your big movie You know because there's a mother world and then like the imperium is the army of the mother world another very creative name imperium Yeah, because and another thing is that uh, we're gonna be we're gonna be aping off a lot of other things We're gonna be combining Well, why'd you say magnificent seven star wars and warhammer 40k samurai seven Yeah, samurai seven. That's right. Yeah, but yeah, that's definitely feels like there's warhammer as well star wars. Um Yeah, cyberpunk even a little bit there A few instances. So what's interesting is from what I know samurai seven is derived from seven samurai Which is also where star wars draws inspiration from But the there will be I think there's gonna be someone out there. It's like oh, so when rubble moon does it It's not okay. But when star wars does it it is and it'll be like, oh, we'll get there. Well, we'll we'll talk about the difference So Mother world and for just the sake of understanding that's the empire They consume their own planet. It's it's all oh, no, we've got no resources. And so Then they conquered the galaxy Which feels really weird as a statement like you've you've taken up all the resources in your planet So off to the galaxy you go. It's just like, okay And of course a planet devoid of resources as well positioned to wage wars of conquest Yeah, to launch a galactic invasion. Maybe they planned ahead They knew So it just doesn't all it is like there's a better way to try and deliver that Information, but fine. We'll go with it and it's like the king and queen ruled for a thousand generations like oh, or rather the You know that bloodline and then they were assassinated And it's described as severing the royal bloodline forever Which is strange if your if your family has been in in control for a thousand generations and then two of them are killed You'd expect there to be a succession line that involves possibly shit tons of people Yeah Like um, they don't say that like there was no other family members or that they only had there was just one person who could you know That's sort of this. It's more so just accepted that like yep, those two died and that was that it's like, oh Maybe they'll explain more of this in the future rebel moon is installment Or yeah, either in the sequel or the director's cut that you have to say But obviously we're doing the very very cool thing that I love which is uh hyper advanced sci-fi civilizations have a monarchy um Have bloodline monarchy which is fine to do but it's like we're at the point where it's it's Yeah, but I mean you That's compared to We live in the sci-fi world with like a hyper, you know Low technology Like viking, you know Society that is producing grain and is necessary to produce grain for the massive Galaxy spanning empire the fact that they've got like a monarchy. It feels like all right. That's you know compared to that Oh boy, that's not such a big deal Um, also they have vagina portals. Oh, that was uh, they look really Yeah, they look a bit sus It makes me think that zack snider has not seen a vagina, but he kind of knows You know because they're sort of vaginal But not like a lot, but sort of I mean, that's the point, right? He doesn't want it to look too vaginal You gotta get he's gotta get the idea in there so that we understand It's like it's weird. It's like birthing the ships into other parts of the galaxy. It's beautiful really Yeah, so much to draw from him so anyway Families fucked up and a bill war senator man called balasarius declares himself regent and sends his main man out into the Other parts of the world to crush any and all rebellion against his control over the uh, the empire now that's our baseline Which is you know under like like it's pretty straightforward. It's just at the same time Like I said, I was kind of thrown off by the whole like a thousand year thousand generation dynasty Destroyed because two members were killed That seems odd. Yeah, they got assassinated You figured that there would have to be other people in the equation got to be and I think we are going to find out in rebel moon part two the scar giver That there is a remaining family member Probably because in this one she is alluded to uh, and so yeah Well, I'm starting to wonder she she looked after this girl right in in Flashbacks or whatever she was her personal god our main character looked after the the important child The life giver or whatever the fuck she's called This all makes sense. Trust me this is uh, it's gonna be great. Um But yeah, you know, he he managed to take powers He must have been pretty damn respected to have had at least control enough that he had at least like half of the empire behind him Or maybe he made them get the other man fear I guess I feel like that would be a more interesting story than anything that we got But it's just sort of skipped over is like yeah, because um, it's like the Uh, the the foundation series that is a gasm of wrote um details intergalactic events across a pretty long span of time on an empire that's uh A human empire that's absolutely massive in scale and how it can break apart and how You know generals can you know get this army to do that thing and start something over here And how most people have never even seen earth or anything like that And so the idea of you know galactic scale politics is potentially an interesting one Um, it will not be the story that we're really focusing in any way on Yep, uh, so then we meet our main character Yeah What's our name our main character core well not before we got our main title sequence which looks like shit. I think Oh, yeah, it does actually look really bad. Yeah Just sort of awkwardly floating up there in space, which is you know fine. You can do that and just There it is rebel rebel more bellman lead bearer And you get you choir too lots of choir in this the baseline sort of soundtrack is very It's fine. And that's the thing. I am very in favor of choir and they couldn't even get me I was just like oh here comes that choir again Same one for every scene where they think something interesting is happening. It's trying to Big up something that was really There was one portion where it really reminded me not in sound but in spirit with the yodeling for our wonder woman There was one part in particular where I was like, oh damn i'm getting flashbacks to the yodeling No um And we get shots like this. I uh, I'll send it to you guys. Well, you know, which ones i'm talking about but You know, uh, just the way that the film is introduced the part one a child of fire thing it's like I'm sorry. That looks horrendously fake. I know that you think it looks amazing sci-fi, but i'm just sitting you're like It does look very fake. Um Uh, no good try again try something maybe maybe try something subtle and interesting Um, because this is so wait, shouldn't it be shouldn't part one be above? Isn't that a little bit confusing because it's like it would make you think it's rebel moon a child of fire part one And then a child of fire part two. I agree. Actually. Yeah, you think part one should be above it Especially given that it is part one a child of fire. Like that's what it is. Yeah I look or I ask something deal. Okay. Well, we didn't talk about it We just said it was a bit clunky, but knock out the parts and it still works rebel moon a child of fire Rebel moon scar giver could have been the way it works We are but oh well. Yeah It's so funny because star wars I know they have episode tiles, but nobody Really describes it that way compared to calling them empire or return of the jedi New hope or just star wars and then Yeah, yeah, yeah phantom menace tack the clones that sort of stuff even tross the lj and You don't think of it as rebel moon part one. You remove that eventually You know, you'll be saying like I remember in a child of fire and then in scar giver and the answer will be no So someone will strike you immediately as our main character is uh doing something that's pretty strenuous I believe it's referred to as tilling the land or my plowing plowing the land. Um, yeah And already it's like, okay So we are in the far future where we can travel between stars across the galaxy And you're doing like manual labor now they give an explanation for it. Wow It's not even just that though She's so tiny and she's a part of a big community and she's the only one doing this right now. What's going on I guess it's kind of weird Well, we get the implication that they're all partying and she's not joined them yet But yeah, because she's not part of the community, you know, this is pretty it's some subtle it's it's some subtle storytelling You know, I just um, you know that lady from uh atman three and mandalorian The one that popped up Or like a gina karano built person like I really do feel like you should probably grab someone Especially for everything that she's gonna do in this movie Like, um, I think I saw someone describing it. She's like five five in real life as well or something She's like galadriel. She's just this tiny tiny at least. Galadriel's an elf. At least you have that I guess It's a regular person. Yeah, she doesn't have any enhancements powers history or species benefits She's just a tiny twig human You'd be like, yeah, well, she has military training and it's like military that doesn't Like knowing things doesn't make your muscles bigger. It just doesn't You could make your muscles bigger by knowing things but obviously You know, there's not much the actress can do to hide the fact that she's a Very very very tiny lady and it's just um, she's her role in this film is to be quite strong Like I said, I'm fine with training and and aspects that can come with that It just uh, it's gonna be awkward when she's doing heavy lifting slash Strength requirement things and beating people up with uh, a lot of raw strength stuff It was it was talked about but like we saw extraction two It was quite a good moment with uh, a girl having to beat some guys in that. It's pretty damn difficult She had to get into hand-to-hand combat with two guys In a um in a train car. I think it was in like the conductor's compartment of a train And boy it was tough. Yeah, she came out of that fight and she was bruised and She she'd taken a beating and she had to work really hard to get those guys down And I really really appreciate that they showed that Yes, indeed. Uh, it wasn't just an easy. Yeah, I'm just gonna beat you and blur Then she um, she grabs a bit of the soil and does a sniff which is uh I think supposed to be like you do that, don't you you often give the soil a little sniff little sniff. Yeah, sometimes Little sniff yum. You got to sniff it to make sure it's good for growing crops. Exactly. It tells us a lot about her that she Is just happy to be a person who's got a nice place to be she's she's got a history. So it's gonna be Revealed gradually. She's uh It's gotta be revealed gradually and eloquently. Yeah, she's you could call her a child of fire. I would say He's a child of fire right now. She's a child of dirt, but she will become a child Of fire because she is a child of fire Yep So, um Yeah, anyway, the guy guy man comes guy from haunting of hillhouse. Uh, I forget his name He's also in game of thrones All right, I mean the act isn't him, but yeah Steve yes, we can call him Steve with ease. Let's just call him Steve I feel like Steve is appropriate as well because he is very much a just an average kind of guy Well, he is like if Steven from uh hillhouse would dropped in here and had to deal with all this It's like uh, yeah, I'm gonna be reasonable He probably is the best character in the film. I guess I think so. Yeah, I'd say so um Which is obviously very loose, but yeah, they go back to the little party place and uh, we find out it's like it's like mating season And the the harvest will be better if everybody fucks. That's what uh, that's what modoc says Who is there? These are these are very superstitious people. Well, he says we have to offer a sacrifice Go home and fuck tonight so that the crops grow Exactly and he's here with his very real beard. Oh, by the way, just Again, what they're like, they're basically Norse They're like a Norse viking like village We're also very interconnected and familiar with the sci-fi world, which is completely culturally different like Uh, well completely culturally and technologically different. Um, yeah, you almost believe these guys are like, um It's a different movie Yeah, yeah, pretty much like what because again Norse like is almost is doing a lot of work for it It's basically Norse. They're like a viking village They're like they're like Norse Amish like they they refuse to engage with the world beyond their little tiny settlements except that they Absolutely do except they do. Yeah Yeah, not only do they but it turns out that they're going to be real significant because um That their their output by hand is like actually valuable economically like on a massive scale to massive entities in this world valuable Yeah, to the point that the primary villainous faction and the primary rebellious faction both try to receive grain from this small village and maybe what 2000 vikings 2000 Like like 50 at most Well, I'm assuming that there might be other people who live in the village. It's small. Yeah. That's why I said that number Yeah Three minutes by foot. It's tiny and apparently they have enough grain output by hand That it's actually economically valuable to industrialized civilisation. It's um, this is what you would call bad world building Um, if you are they're so minuscule. There's no fucking way the they would it's so funny There's a planet for mining cobalt and that they established in this but there's not a planet for farming food This agriculture. There's no agricultural worlds. There's no world dedicated to agriculture If there are, you know, planets that potentially have incredibly fertile soil You imagine that and if this is like a thousands of years old Empire that's like charted massive swaths of the galaxy You figure that this is a problem that they would have figured out Like of making sure that they've actually got enough food to feed themselves to where a small village is irrelevant A small village making their it's not even worth going there Remember in their words was only about enough just enough to feed themselves because it was something like 10,000 of whatever the unit of measurement was Is what they needed yeah every year which by the way could make 12,000 bushels need to be processed You can't just yeah Yeah, the raw food amount. Yeah, but I guess the thing to lay out is They can only make just enough to feed their tiny village Yet the empire like the mother world are like pretty fixated on exploiting them for Enough to feed well yet to the point where their words are like a thousand people in a year to the point where the equivalent of Darth Vader visits in order to get this place going which by the way much he is incredibly He's not just some random. Maybe we're jumping ahead. We should probably slow down actually Well, we'll get there. Well, we'll get it won't take long to actually get to that thing because most of this stuff is Fucking useless like again. I want to appreciate mo doc is the leader of their village. It's nice to see him all the time Yeah, Darren is dead. There's only mo doc. There's only bearded mo doc now a really bad looking beard too Yeah, it's a group of fake But he's a man of the land. That's why he has a beard. It's not the only fake beard. We'll see. Yeah, there's plenty Not actually it has more than one. Um, and then it's like There's a guy who killed something that we're all eaten and he's interested in you. You should date him And there's particularly shitty line and it's it's indicative of how bad that was another thing that struck me in this It's just like god, I I talk about it all the time whenever I'm watching something that has good dialogue I'm always like I'm I feel safe even if the story won't be good because I can at least have those little bits along the way of like Yeah, we're getting we're getting we got some character work here You know like, um What killed the dinosaurs the ice age like I'm like that's that's such good dialogue that I'll be safe the whole movie Meanwhile, it's like Uh, she says it's quite impressive And then the guy next to her who guess is the one that took her in Is like what is the animal? Or and then he looks over at the guy and it focuses on him And then he the unfocuses comes back to here. He turns back around. He goes the hunter and it's like I figured that like why did you make that so explicit and it's funny in retrospect because it doesn't fucking matter He's gone for the rest of the movie this character. Yeah, you might think that he's our gaston type character But no, he's just not a part of the movie Yeah, you think that for a lot of characters that we get introduced in the first act. Oh, they're gonna be important Maybe they will be in part two, bro I mean it turns out honestly that no one's important Well, except for main lady She's gonna be great. Yeah, that's right Cora Um, so if if you're making a movie or a story and you need a name for your lady protagonist Gee fucking cry. Don't call her Cora. Never call her Cora. Stop How many cores have you come across? Uh, it's just like it seems like that like basic basic kind of name that you give a character Just don't you know, it annoys me bring it. Do you take issue with the name Cora? Um, well, I can only think of three that's because as Cora from the legend of Cora this Cora And wasn't there a core in that mass effect the Andromeda? as well Man Cora's a striking out Well, it's just that well, I don't know about that the third one really but like it's it's just it seems like it's kind of We need like a vaguely science fiction slash fantasy sounding name. Yeah, it's kind of a real name Cora, there you go. I got it I'm gonna I want to read what she says in this scene because The idea is the This this guy is like you're finally a part of our community It's been two seasons and the last thing you need to do is have like a husband or whatever and then you'll be fully integrated And she she seems a little like, you know off and it's like what's going on. She gives a little speech. She says The two seasons here have given me happiness. I don't deserve to love and to be loved I don't know if i'm capable of either the very idea of love and family was beaten out of me I was taught that love is weakness I don't know that will ever change that face. Yes, what When I saw that I was stunned. I couldn't believe That we were actually doing a massive exposition dump to explain every facet of this character Or at least super duper essential ones in the most plain text possible What 10 minutes into the film at this point we're 10 minutes in and we knew exactly what we were in for I was actually kind of I was I was shocked We uh, that was unbelievable talks about it before but lines like that that's supposed to be said by us or people like us Not the characters or at most She says it near the end of the film after we've had all of this available to us and made Like to where we could know this about her because of what we've seen happen in the film But I don't know who she is and she's she's openly Why is she behaving like this? Why is she acting this way? This character that probably would know a lot of these things anyway It's really for us. So we know everything that there is to know about her We haven't met the bad guys yet, but I was already like uh, oh, what do you say like they teach you that love is weakness like? Oh god You figure it's like oh, so she was part of the bad guys and and the bad guys are cringe Yeah Super hyper like katsu initially evil. Oh, yeah as we'll find out and um, again This is another one of my pet peeves for uh fiction writing It turns out that in the real world we figured out how to have really good soldiers And it's not to like beat the love out of them And to make sure they don't care about anything around them Turns out that soldiers being human beings You should treat them well and invest in their emotional well-being and teach them teamwork and Resilience and to to fight for things they care for it turns out This is actually seems to be the optimum way to train soldiers as many thousands of years of human fermentation have done But oh, that's not edgy. That's not cool. No, we have to have they were Told not to love anything and that love is weakness and you have to have hatred and violence and all that stuff I was like, oh, okay. All right Okay, well, that's not very interesting. Okay. Well, I'm sure you think that's very cool. Zach. All right Yeah, it was just like well, that's what we're in for great Yeah, here we go boys So it was at this point when I was watching it and when free is watching it for the first time We both said the same thing which is so how long till this village gets attacks Yeah This this was a shockingly predictable movie. It was just so clear It was about 10 seconds after I said it that you hear a big loud sound from the big ship coming in It was like, oh, wow, I did not think I was going to be that correct that quick So it's like it's like, hmm farm person who yearns yearns for a different life and is awkwardly trying to fit in but doesn't seem to quite be able to make it and This is all upended by an empiric force arriving on the planet. Call to adventure is coming This is something that plenty of stories have done. Okay. There's no reason to think this isn't great So with the big bad mother world arriving We need to figure out what our plans are as this tiny community and it seems to be pretty clear pretty quick that Father cindy is his name. Uh, mo doc He's uh mo doc's like these guys they're bad news and I don't like them and then Uh, steven is like, yeah, okay, but we should probably like bought it with them And maybe we could even get a really good price Which is like, yeah, that'll I guess make sense and he's like we can we can start a partnership and then core is like a partnership These guys destroy everything Wait, wait, wait, wait, which uh in retrospect now. I was thinking like isn't that interesting the fact that none of them care that she knows them Well, yeah, you would think that a lot of them would be because I I think the the read you meant to have is that Nobody is like Nobody knows that much about her like she's around and everything but that She's been here for two seasons though That's yeah, which we don't know how long a season is still It's either half a year or two years So The point being that there should be two reactions one reaction would be the first thing they say is Kora, you've dealt with them like what do we do? That would be reaction one if they know that she's had a history with them Or if she says this and they don't know she's had a history with them It's like wait, how do you know that like what the fuck there needs to be more of a reaction to what she said well, um, it gets weird because There is a scene to be had here that would be interesting but we still getting too much like conflicting information because Steven's like sort of chastised by modoc by being like You sold grain to the enemies of the mother world imagine what they'll do to us if they find that out and it's like wait, so Is your position that we shouldn't sell to them because we just shouldn't because they're evil Or that we shouldn't sell to them because like if they would discover that we've helped their enemies that they might hurt us or that We shouldn't deal with them at all because We've got no choice. They come in so What are we doing? What's the plan? And obviously the the straight-up thing to me is just like they're so far advanced and there's so much more manpower that We should probably just do everything they say and that's actually what kora says do everything they say Just don't volunteer anything I'm just like, okay, you know, it's like yeah, all right makes enough sense Yeah, and um, you know, it's like, okay, this will be awkward then but uh, this is the they've established modoc and Steven have different perspectives on how to deal with this and so yeah There is some character riding here. Something's happening. It's crazy Yeah, and then the and then they arrive and uh, and they address like Like The the mother world army guys, they're just dressed like nazis It's pretty funny. They're just they're just the it's just the imperium from warhammer 40k It's just From uh kill zone, you know Well, this is shitty warhammer. Yeah, let's cut to the chase of just you're just like, uh, here we go As soon as you see them, you're like, oh, you're evil Like it's just yeah, you're evil. Okay one and played by the actor that plays evil characters constantly British guys. Yeah, he's just francis. We're gonna call him francis francis is here I don't remember. Is his name something noble. I think I can't remember. Um, I'm just calling him francis So on francis noble The uh, the thing about him is this actor will say this would check it out. It's like he always does the the beam of like Hello, oh, it's nice to see you. Oh everything's wonderful Now I'm gonna break his skull I was like, oh, that's that's great. Oh like the he's almost like the The upper class beer crap, but he's got a monster inside of him. Uh, okay. Alrighty Yeah, never seen it before so cool and interesting. There's a lot of just it's an original idea. Yeah Yeah, I think the oh admiral atticus noble. That's his name and see his his his name is noble He's not very noble. That's really clever snyder Oh my god, it's actually yeah, it's got a double meaning. Yeah, it's I don't know. It's a guy whose name that yeah I think we're supposed to think it's like subversive. I guess that he's like I welcome The kings people welcome you to the warm embrace and they give him a hug a really long hug Yeah, and then yeah the the guy standing behind him with the the red skull outfits from resident evil four are there And the big ship and everyone's afraid and yeah, I've seen star wars. So I know it's gonna happen Well, they have a reputation apparently of fucking raising planets This is what I mean It's so funny when you watch a movie for the first time you kind of take it for what it is And I think at this point I was fine with the film Um in terms of just like, okay, let's see what happens. I'm not happy with the dialogue quality Not happy with the pacing already. I feel like it's already kind of looking like some other movies I'm familiar with But that's okay. We'll see what happens. But now that I've seen the whole movie I now know that the mother world is known for just fucking rampaging through planets and destroying them all So it's like so why wouldn't they just be terrified? What do you do with the whole like? Uh, go to give you a little hug and pretend everything is fine It's like you guys know that everyone knows what you do, right? And again, if that's gotten around You would think that there would be either they would they would either be like, oh, they found us. It's over or They would actually organize like real defenses Or that they would prepare what their story is gonna be Yeah, like that they they have a story prepared for when they inevitably show up But no, no, no, they're just totally unprepared for them And again when you talk about like the first of many instances of a hyper clash between aesthetics of you've now got like Like you're you're like Nordic village. You're like Norse Amish Viking village with like a hyper hyper that's a militarized space Nazis And this is the first of many instances of these massively clashing visuals that are clearly just things that he's grabbed onto It's all start together. It's it's all just the the storytelling visual vocabulary of other stories Like various different genres and different points in history, but It's a bunch of things that are just stuck together So it doesn't feel like it has any identity of its own it's just it's it's like All the all the free unity store assets have been crammed together into this movie So the game doesn't feel like it's its own thing true So Yeah, so we're not going to cover like everything. I'll just sort of skip to the the part that's interesting is that He's like we want your grain. Let's have a partnership And I think he explicitly mentions surplus near the beginning We would like to have access to what you know, you can't you don't even use And uh, cindy's like well, I'm sorry modoc is like We don't actually have any surplus We actually barely have enough to feed our own and the fact that you see That we've got really big fields that are clearly more than we could possibly feed for ourselves is actually evidence That uh, the land is so bad. It's not fertile at all We have to have these huge fields because you know so much of it dies. I guess it's the logic Yeah, the the soil fertility is so low. That's why we have to plow so much to so many Me and Ryan are pretty shocked by this because it's like oh They can tell Whether or not what you're saying is true. They can just go check they can test they can go Oh, this is fertile and then and then furthermore you're like, why do you think they're here? They believe this place is fertile I don't know if cindy's lying or if he's telling the truth. Oh, he's lying No, I think I think we're meant to we're meant to conclude the soil is Yeah, we're supposed to think that the place here is actually really bountiful and good And that's part of the reason why the fucking mother world showed up is like I took the wrong okay, then I took the wrong thing, but the right thing is worse. Yes It makes no fucking sense at all. This is they have lots of surplus grain and they end up selling it Yearly to different people remember the last people he sold it to was the the blood axe siblings Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's the name of the rebel moon rebel moon leaders is blood axe blood axe. That's so fucking cringy Yep. Oh, but you like Luke Skywalker. Don't you they're the same Skywalker is nothing like yeah, Skywalker is way better than blood axe. What the hell I know that's that's how I feel. I'm just saying that that's what someone's gonna say So, yeah, both face lie from cindy that I guess he's trying to do in order to It feels weird calling him cindy actually because of the other cindy that I really like He is mordok. I'm sorry. Well, my notes are all built with their actual character names Yeah, you should have made your notes with the meme names You gotta use the meme names Lady you got francis. It wouldn't be fucking amazing if it was actually just mordok. He was the floating Machine thing. He's the leader of this village. They're just except now. He's got a beard He's got like he's got a he's got a beard made of um What like felt or something like and everyone everyone treats it completely seriously. No, whatever brings it up It's like, yeah, yeah, exactly. You know it's mordok um So, yeah, uh, is the first thing that strikes me is just like why would he try lying so hard to people who are So destructive when the proof is literally around them like it's it's not something they've got spaceships that can have it Okay, but we say this so many times Interstellar travel They can probably scan. All right, and that's probably why they're here You can probably just look at it and they know We said it was outrageous that they would fucking turn up like this Especially the equivalent of Darth Vader in terms of the mother worlds like hierarchy And yet here they are so you should probably do what Korra said actually and just just Give them whatever they want whatever they say just just be on their good side But no he uh modok lies to them quite explicitly And it's like that's probably not a good idea and immediately it's like the first thing he does Yeah, and um, you know, obviously this guy's super evil and everything But he is being 100 clean and nice in the in this sequence It's obviously to provide a juxtaposition of when he's in like we're all waiting for the moment where he becomes crazy and evil But until he does you should probably treat him as though he is like a chill happy dude, you know, everything's fine, right? But anyway, they get in and uh Evilman notices that everyone here isn't exactly starving And the fields look big and good. So what's going on? It doesn't really make sense And it's so funny because it's just like Yeah Why did you say what you said modok? What the fuck have you done? Like because now it's just he's gradually figuring it out that he's like Who's in control of the harvest and it's steven He's like, maybe you can explain to me what's going on. Why am I why am I so mistaken? and steven clunkily basically says Yeah, we can we can sell you our surplus And then bad guys like wait a minute. I thought you didn't have any according to your leader over there And then steven's like, oh no, no, no, no, no, it's the he we don't uh I think we have enough to sell he thinks we only have enough to take care of us in case there's a famine Which lines up enough Yeah, that's that's reasonable. I think this is totally reasonable Like um, and this is unfortunately for them francis is unreasonable Yeah, well francis basically says so like this is in subordination and the what you know, you need to show your strength and When someone's in subordinate, you gotta and everyone's like freaking out because it looks like he's gonna beat steven to death When it's pretty obvious. It's like, no, he's gonna kill mohawk. Yeah. Well, because Funnily enough, there's a good version of all of this So yeah, he he does a 180 flip and instead of beating steven He beats mohawk to death and it's all very shocking the funnier part of this is mohawk's wife screams and you know pain and fear and Runs to the body and then she's cut down by a guy with a lightsaber Yeah But nobody else like did anything Well, yeah, so this is the thing Even if all these lads have lightsabers and guns that aren't currently active And you've got a crowd of what like 30 people in this room. If you just rush them, they're dead Yep Pretty much and they they just slaughter their leader right in front of them But you know, I'm not gonna say it's impossible for them all to be so terrified. They do nothing. It's like, okay Yeah, I guess so I just thought when they just they just cut down a grieving widow Just like god, you guys are so evil But whatever The good vision I would have said at least somewhat for a super evil character is to make it clear that he wants Steven in charge because he's clearly the more reasonable one and that we kill someone to make everyone afraid of us And I thought that's what we're gonna get just that's the normal thing even even for a cartoonishly evil faction Right, which I don't like but whatever Well, a cartoonishly evil faction. No, I guess he said cartoonishly. Never mind. No, they're cartoonish So then he uh, instead of doing anything that I could consider to be remotely like understandable He says how long will it take for the harvest to complete? Steven says I think nine months or 10 months Then he says oh, yeah, sorry. Uh, and then he'll be like, okay, I'll be back in 12 And I want no he wants 10 bushels. No wait 10 weeks and he wants 12 And he wants 12,000 bushels or whatever I think they create 12 and he wants 10 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So yeah, they make it in nine weeks weeks They can make it in nine weeks He's gonna come back in 10 and he wants 10,000 bushels and they can only make 12,000 Yeah, so he says like we'll stop if you do that and then he's like, I don't give a fuck And it's already just like oh fucking already Oh, they're cartoonishly evil and stupid If they if you if they stop they can't make what is the point it's so stupid like I and also and now to put it into perspective. We need 10,000 We're gonna give you 12,000 and this is a town of of what like Again, maybe 300 people. Why would they be here? Trying to get food that could only feed Maybe a hundred people for a year with a minor amount of surplus or at least just not enough anymore It wouldn't be significant. Um, I'm trying to think of like how if you have to make this work It's like well, would there be many of these settlements and that you send out many Envoys from the mother world to set up the the deals and so they're everywhere, right? Like there's potentially thousands of these exchanges happening Like, okay, maybe I could buy that but then it wouldn't be fucking Darth Vader showing up to this one They would be just randoms that representative of the mother world or whatever Well, you're probably be like you're a Prado something Well, what's funny is like you might expect watching this like oh, is there another reason they're here like no No, they just want food. They was literally for a bit of food They cross the galaxy on their teleportation devices with their massive battleship To get a little bit to get some food They establish at the beginning that if they sell to them, they will pay triple market value That gets thrown out by the end of this scene because they killed Modak after they decided he was just too much of a liar And now they just want to take all of their grain letting them die It's just like what what happened to the triple market because I thought that that was kind of a vaguely okay idea in terms of like Yeah, they'll like you if you pay triple they'll probably exclusively sell to you and then they can grow their operation That'll make sense and grow and grow and grow. Yeah You're basically setting up a partnership with this village that they will grow lots of food for you And you will buy it and everyone gets what they want and then they like you And then you know like empire building if you're building an empire You want everyone to like you and do things for you? Well, so if they're just gonna kill the leader and then let everyone starve So why bother with any of this? Why not just kill them all? What's going on? What's the why like why why all of these weird decisions? Um, I would have thought this even mentions how they can get robots in to help them and modak is like We don't like robots. We like doing it by hand I'm just like, okay. Well in any case, why don't they just take the farm for themselves Use robots to do their own agriculture. Yeah, why do they need this village? You think they have servant robots? That's weird Why? No, I'm setting up a thing He's setting up a joke setting up a thing because they have those They do yeah, well, I mean because they have because they have those and they're They they have those and they use them to move boxes from point point point But I don't know if that he's already mentioned them Like he's already said that at this point in the movie that they can have robots to do all this stuff Yeah, so like is this the right mean? I just don't get why not do that Um, because the person who wrote this is a child who needs a teenager who needs a cartoonish evil empire See, here's the thing. Here's what you really want to do if you want to set up an evil empire First off don't it's overplayed. They're boring, right? Make a make like an antagonistic empire or an empire that like if your ally's with them Everybody will do anything for you But if you cross them, they're super bloodthirsty, right? If you are their enemy or if you betray them, they will ruthlessly destroy you But if you work with them, they're actually quite a good ally to have and it's good to work with them Just don't step out of line So if you want to write an empire like that, right you set up this idea that They will like invest and they will give you all the things you need They will grow your village so that you can give them the things that they want Because even if they're evil, they still have to eat and they still need infrastructure and they have to feed their armies And they need like that's the whole point of that's the whole point of building an empire Is that you have a bunch of people out there and they answer to you and they do what you say So even if you're evil, you need them to do the thing You need them around to do stuff for you Go around just blowing up planets and killing everyone was mentioned as well. They're enormous the mother world faction Why would they care about this tiny tiny farming settlement on some planet? The entire like premise of the inciting incident is absurd That the massive galaxy spanning empire Really really really really really needs the agricultural output of a tiny Norse village And if if the computer will start making the comparisons, but this just reminds me of talking about tfa to be honest with you It's like but why were the empire on Tatooine like well because that's where the plans to the death star ended up So the whole idea is a backwater retroactively. It's been turned into the most important planet in Star Wars Tatooine was bum fuck nowhere. It's like not an important place so anyway They uh, they leave and they leave behind a squad of I think about well one two three four Five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen guys Except one except for one guy except for one guy who also doesn't show up after the end of the first act Yeah, I was about to say like he just disappears. It disappears, but he's okay. Everybody else is a psycho. They're they're insane They're like insane. It's a bunch of soldiers. They leave doesn't take long to establish that Presumably to stay here for 10 weeks while you're away within a minute. They're all characterized as psychos Why do they even leave them there? I'm not well, so I thought that the the best thing to do if you want complete control of this probably would be to leave a Squad that can make sure everything is in line and the everings running well and that you they understand the mother World is in charge, but make sure they're you know friendly have the community work with them not against them Yeah, you use them to help you think that you would leave with them Like agricultural experts and some guys to help like and and some equipment like here's how you test soil quality And here's the best kind of seed mixture and here's the best for plant placement Like you leave behind people who know what they're doing, but instead they leave behind Like a dozen soldiers with guns Imagine as well like I can't believe you're saying this but like a scene where the robot is very robotically doing farming And then if modoc wasn't killed he's like Gradually getting to the point of understanding the robot is more than just mechanical that it does have like learning capabilities And then he actually explains the value of hand doing everything And like why we you know just a scene that's like the robot understanding better ways to farm from like a hand You know, and it just there's be commentary on like industry versus hand-made shit and stuff It'd be fun. Oh, well You don't get any of those scenes Decide to shoot the robot for shits and giggles. Oh, yeah, this robot by the way voiced by Anthony Hopkins. So that's nice That's about it. That's so unfair So Yeah, I I don't I think it's pointless to leave soldiers there. You just show back up in 10 weeks in it. Yeah Yeah, these these people are so small I guess the worst thing that would happen is they all just move but I mean, I don't even know why any of this is happening Anyway, you know, I mean like it's all just so dumb like I talked about this on fnt. I was like their their strategy will get there We're almost to the to the premise of the whole movie I just like couldn't they just like go hide in some cave Like the mother world really gonna fucking scour the planet to find these farmers and be like you try to Take away our 10,000 bushels We're gonna get you for that one. It took us 30,000 bushels worth of Supplies to get here for this 10,000. They may as well just go to like the local fucking wall bar and buy their food Why do they need to do this? Well, they're an empire. They got the shit sorted out No rags. He said that the insurgents have been damaging their supply chain Oh my so they need the farmers in this tiny settlement Oh So anyway, yeah, the robot is uh is here to just assist with carrying things and we find out he's a He's like loyal to the the royal bloodline and that he used to be a warrior in the in the in the war But he's decommissioned now. He just moves boxes. Well, they uh, Yeah, he's just moving boxes around this highly advanced android is just moving boxes around and then they shoot him And for no reason because they're jerks and they're bad and the empire is bad And then they say go get cleaned up go to the river and get cleaned up and so he Spends all day washing mud off of himself and then he starts randomly talking to this Girl that walks up and telling her this story instead of doing his job That he was supposed to do. Yeah, I was very confused by this He's programmed directly to assist them in moving shit He gets shot so that his face falls in mud and so he needs to clean it off Then he just has to sit down and ponders That's like, oh, you know, I'm all for Robots and androids and stuff that that have more to them than simple programming But I thought that's what he was like you have to be careful how you build that up because now It's at odds with my idea of like, why would they have this? Why would they want a robot that randomly gets caught in his own thoughts? And walks off and looks at the sun and the stars. It's like, yeah, that's not useful Yeah, we'll just have a soldier if we're gonna do that. We'll just have exactly regular persons does that really well Yeah Yeah, so this scene is a hyper forced in terms of These two know nothing about each other. This girl would likely fear the robot since he is a member of the invading force that just killed their leader I don't know why it is a talking robot and this is a little weird Norse village that uses horses and plows Yeah, they don't even do the thing of her being like holy mo you're like a person, but you're not made of flash You're hard. You're you're metal. Yeah, you're a metal man They don't even do that. She's just chill with it. She's like, hey man What's up? He's like, yeah And then he just fucking spills his whole backstory on it. We get another exposition dump Is so bad. Yeah, by the way, because we haven't I don't know if we've been highlighting that well But that's like the third exposition dump already. Um Yeah, we're only like 20 minutes into the film. There's like 17 of them. It's absurd Yeah, many more left. Yeah, and we're learning virtually nothing about a lot of these characters And instead we're just getting a lot of backstory. A lot of it just doesn't totally unnecessary I don't need to know like really any of this It's law Yeah, it's yeah, that's a good way to describe it. We're learning some rebel moon lore Hmm, that's very interesting law too. Very fascinating And I'm not gonna harp on it for too long But maybe the shot illustrates it if we find more in future I'll highlight it as well, but this is what I was seeing people share too in terms of uh Oh, wait, hang on. Um, so We we brought it up earlier, but Zach has created two of the ugliest fucking movies in the history of film Um, can you see how the robot's torso and head is very in focus? And then like not only are his legs and her face blurry, but they're also like jaggedly blurry They're not they're not like gaussian blur. I think it would be called in uh Yeah, I don't they it's like the army of the dead thing that he did Yeah, where a lot of shit is just out of focus in a very distracting way It's very weird for a shot like this The things outside like picture a circle in the center of the frame is all that's allowed to be in focus Everything else just goes blur it. It's like why why would you want this? It's weird because maybe Zach, I would like to look at something Intermittently that isn't the thing right in the middle of the frame Maybe I'd like to look around at the environment or something. Maybe no, you don't want it No, you don't oh you want to look at my thing this thing right here. Look at this look at nothing You just Ah at this point just shoot the whole movie through a scope. So I have no temptation Um, she makes a little flower thing hat for him. It's so cute and then he blushes Yeah, he blushes like the lights that glow up at like that light up on his face and those little holes there They go. Yeah, they they turn like orangey yellow. I guess I guess they designed a robot to blush They designed him to do that To be able to show that emotion I am like very pro-robots like movie characters. I walley is one of my favorite films Like I robot characters are super cool robots are great as a premise We love robots. This is kind of robots. Love me robot characters This is the line basically the thing that's doing the heavy lifting is that it's Anthony Hopkins Yeah, who delivers all these lines just like you'd like him to because at this point I don't think you can deliver a line badly, but the the sad part of this is like, yeah It's like the really lame You introduce dog and then kill it to make everyone sad thing. This is look. It's a robot. He feels things It's like wait. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa slow down. You got to like give us reason for this shit There's a reason why they didn't slow down It's because you might look at this and the amount of significance they've given the robot and think oh He'll be like an important especially given his the the law that he laid out. He'll be important Time we're spending about him and with him. Oh, yeah, sorry. We should probably clarify So we've been talking a lot of all things and stuff I'd be curious what everyone's guess and chat would have been as to where we are At this point. We're half an hour into the film Yep, it's like how did nothing's happened Damn But uh, yeah, this film's pacing is notoriously terrible in terms of like it takes ages for nothing to happen And then suddenly loads of things happen in a matter of like five minutes Yes, it is a very bizarre case of simultaneously monotonous pacing and rapid fire pacing Yeah, you have those Those little those info dumps you get the the lore dumps and the exposition dumps They just happen in these bursts. You don't slowly but surely learn In a natural and organic way about this world. Zack Snyder has created stolen from everything else You just you get these dumps like oh, this is the scene where the robot just weirdly tells this whole story about a princess to the little girl While he's at the river Also, then he goes the whole thing because it's just so bad you get everything you need to know what's coming, right? So the guys earlier said these robots they fought like hell for the royal bloodline The second the king was killed they dropped their weapons Like okay, and then he says you remind me of the daughter of the bloodline Random girl i'm talking to and she was great and she was gonna bring peace to the world And so at this point you're like oh, so the girl is gonna be threatened in some way and the robot's gonna save her That's the implication you to see yes The more relevant part would be That's gonna happen later in the film like that'll that'll be like a second act low point kind of big Reveal moment. That's that's gonna happen after a whole bunch more character and story happens This is uh, it's called force shadowing So it's barely force shadowing This is like when the pitcher in the middle of the baseball diamond What when he when he reaches his arm back with the ball in it that force shadows that he's going to throw the ball Yes So the village are talking about how they need to yield entirely to this enormous space colony because they've got no fucking chance of Fighting against them and our main character is annoyed at everyone for that I find that funny. I don't know what they're gonna do What exactly is she mad at them for she's like wow you guys are just giving up and it's like And they mount they have no weapons farmers against space Nazis. What are they supposed to do? and uh She's so she's gonna leave and then her totally not dad character is like Well, maybe we could fight and then she's like what and he's like not just us but other people too And the short vision is she's like, okay, I'll go recruit a bunch of people to join us in a fight against them And already it's just like what what what do you mean? It doesn't matter what who you're gonna hire This isn't how do you think this is gonna work? You bring in a whole bunch of mercenaries and bounty hunters and tell them to kill all of the motherland people when they come Try to get their bushels. What do you think happens there? Even if you're successful It's like, okay. So I I I accept uh checks, um Just I want I want much money for this They're like, what happened to uh, you know sector 337 people go in to get the farmers grain stuffs like they all got killed like, oh I guess uh, we send more more people Yeah You know, what what what rapidly do they have this like a bunch of random stuff I don't even think this is what I mean I don't even know how they would necessarily believe they would win when you've got A ship in orbit above the planet and you're like, yeah Well, if you come down here, we'll beat you It's like what makes you think they don't have a weapon that would wipe the farm off the face of the fucking planet I mean you figure that they might have like orbital, you know bombardment cannons or something or just Just well, we know that they do because we see them use later in the film Weird if they didn't right like remember if you're building of World if you're world building if you've got your sci-fi world If the people can cross the galaxy to get to you They can obliterate you without having to even try Well, and so at that point you need to create reasons for them to go on the ground Like maybe it's a heavily populated area with civilians that they don't want to just indiscriminately blow up So they have to go but then the problem is again when you've got them as just space Nazis like well Yeah, I mean they're probably just got to use those orbital cannons to blow everything up So anyway later. Yeah, I do lighter in the film Uh, yeah, the soldiers decide it's rape in time and they start raping all over the place Um, that's their thing really want to rape this girl all of them really want to rape this girl Uh, not to like it gets weird trying to help fix scenes like this because you know, you're just like, uh, but Having them all just randomly decide in the middle of sort of everything functioning as normal being like Let's just rape and then they'll go. Yeah, let's do some rape. Let's go This is like what you usually do is you set it so that like these guys are already at odds with the the villagers They already know the power differential. They're trying to make sure They stay in line And maybe you have like a late night festivities people try to get a bit drunk And then one of the soldiers gets too handsy girl slaps him and then he punches her or something grabs her And just is like, fuck you you know that sort of development It could be like a misunderstanding sort of where he's just being handsy and then maybe she pushes him away Maybe he trips and hits his head on something you could do that Or But I guess if you're if from the onset your goal is to make the empire and the imperial soldiers All horrifically evil Then you can just do whatever fuck it. It doesn't matter, right? Just it doesn't matter. You have to be clever or crafty or anything There's one of the things I've seen people complaining about it's just like god these bad guys are so lame They're just it's like Because this is impetus for the story to now be pushed forward again It's like, oh, they're gonna do a rape and she's gonna stop them, right? Okay And in a way this is like well, shouldn't she and you're like no, it's not it's just that it's so boring It's you didn't make anything interesting happens. It's like they're really evil And so let's stop them because they're evil. He's like, yep. That's that's that You know, are these human characters? It's like in theory We'll see and yeah in theory. Yeah Uh, there's one the one good soldier tries to stop them But then he gets strung up and stops and then they're like we're gonna make you watch Which is just again I'm gonna make you watch our rape because you didn't want us to rape her So while we rape her you have to watch all of us rape her Yeah, and so begins the Insanely hefty amount of slo mo because we have a first fight where she takes No, you need to The main character Is like, oh, am I gonna leave or am I gonna stop this horrific crime? Like they have a moment there of what's she gonna do? It's like, what are you? I didn't even entertain that like she's obviously gonna She's gonna stop this horrific crime Oh, it sucks. So she so she picks up an axe a little hand axe little little little hand axe and They've got basically well, there's like 10 or so soldiers in a barn and they have guns and things and a hostage Uh And and she she beats him Yeah, a lot of berema a lot of slo mo a lot of really long time to beat him an hour time Well, unfortunately a lot of it isn't uh, quote-unquote what I would call like outsmarting or skill-based a lot of it is strength related And it's just she Overpowers much larger men And the amount of unfortunately a lot of them didn't have their guns Well, a lot of them don't and a lot of them also do But a few of them do just don't fucking aim properly. Yeah, they just don't shoot her. They do things like closing the eye. It's a really shitty horrifically bad Fight scene and it's full of slo mo and we established right off the bat that our protagonist has Insane levels of plot armor. It's really shitty really boring. It takes a long time nothing about it's believable And I hate it two guys come at it one from each end To slam down on her and she blocks both of them with her arms and it's just like Okay Sure, she did she get her ass kicked so hard and it's like yeah, but she's been trained so of they Yeah, they're all so much bigger. This is ringing. You can't like she needed to be a bigger gal That's for me to believe this exactly Or you need to do different Like fighting you need to you need to leverage her strength. Yeah, she sets up a bunch of traps kills a few of them over The archetype one is black widow does like a lot of grappling and agility. That's like her thing Uses their strength against her. She has slow mo Yeah, that's true. She has the power of slo mo It's like max pain. She can you know bullet time Once act there's a lot of uh as I mentioned on our coverage with uh cinematic venom A lot of slo mo within slo mo. It's it's pretty cringe actually. It's uh, that's like a super duper power That's like an ultimate in overwatch It's it's I just don't like he's he's like the worst I think slo mo It starts like when she tosses one of the guys he's in slo mo and then it goes super slo mo What did you think like it was already bad enough with slo mo? I don't need more you really linger on the plot armor. Yeah, and uh I think that there's just this misunderstanding from zack as to why we have slo mo at all I get the slowing down of a cool bit of imagery But that's only what he does and even then sometimes it's not cool imagery at all. It's just something happening um But we were talking about it with uh the shot of aowyn in lord the rings But like there's times where you slow down so that we can actually absorb the emotion of the moment understanding the character how they feel Taking in for a moment longer than what could be done in real time how everything is playing out but This shot you can't even see her face and he's just doing like a backflip Onto the floor and like I think the most the reason why he had the slo mo is because he kicks up some sand or whatever that is And it just looks kind of huh look that's all in that slow. Oh wow When they notice that in real time So yeah, dude the guy is a guy who comes down with it slo mo is the cool button And you can just press it whenever you want the guy comes down with her two arms with an axe full power and she stops it with one arm It's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. No, she doesn't do it. She's dead Sorry Yeah, she kills. Uh, well everyone dies except for main bad man. Who's like I'm gonna shoot this innocent lady if you guys carry on which is just God she's so evil I was gonna rape it, but I'll use her as a beach shield Um, and then the robot comes in here. He is he's like, oh, hey guys. What's going on picks up a rifle And maybe this is the only thing I actually kind of think is okay in the whole movie But very specifically The fact that he nails the shot while not even aiming the gun like in a conventional way Yeah, that was kind of neat. Yeah, I would figure it out Um, but yeah, that's that's the word but the thing that we said would maybe happen at like the the end of the movie Happens five minutes after it was set up. Yeah, here it is. He's already done. He's dead and then he runs away Well, I say the the issue that I have with the robot here in the scene is that he walks into a barn with no context There's like 10 soldiers on the ground either dead or wounded a villager And a live soldier saying you need to kill them. They took out all of the men And the robot kills him instead with well, right explained it He believes that she he's reminded of the bloodline girl and he protects the royal family above everyone else There you go Yeah, uh, we never see him. We don't see him until the end of the movie. By the way, he's out Yeah, he's gone now. Uh, it's funny because The good soldierman who tried to stop the bad soldierman He's also not in the rest because you were you were like when you saw this You're like, oh, so the robot's gonna be a member of the team. It's like well, probably but not for the rest of this movie We're setting up characters. We're setting up characters is what we're doing, right? No, he just runs off This is all basically just a plot event that is the reason why we have our Collecting pokemon card adventure. Yeah, except he's not one of the pokemon that they're collecting. He's just out I'm sure he'll be here in part two. Maybe when they defend the village Yeah, maybe maybe he'll be in the direct maybe he'll be in the directest cut Maybe he went on a side quest that you can only have uh, anthony hopkins for uh an afternoon So he recorded his lines That's what I mean like anthony hopkins wouldn't have been on set. He would just be recording the lines of the roof Yeah, he has no idea what's going on You could get him for as the whole movie if you wanted to You know wouldn't be any problem for him because it probably only took him a few days to record his lines if that So, uh, the plan is the mother world are gonna return We're gonna collect a bunch of bounty hunters slash rebels to defend this village for when they come back Which is hyper retarded Why would you assume that the that would be enough? We go we went through all the orbital ways They can do it the more reinforcements they'll send Overwhelming forces are not gonna work. You're adapting More likely stealing stories that have existed before that have these premises that have different mechanics and reasons for why this is the way the story shakes out This Doesn't work the mother world will destroy you every single time unless of course You had like hyper plot armor and blew them all up inexplicably In some crazy battle sequence some hyper plot armor for that. Yeah, something crazy But anyway, that's the plan We're gonna go get we're gonna recruit some people and our only lead is that uh, steven when he sold the grain uh, the guy who was talking to had dealings with the blood axes And we'd like to go and get the blood axes to defend us Of course, the main question you might have is like why the fuck would the blood axes defend you like a random They're they're the primary rebellion source like like the faction against the main villains And you want them to fight them directly openly for one farming village Why why would they do that? Why would anyone do that? Yeah, especially when uh, they explicitly cannot pay people they can only give them grain At best and that's not even grain. They have that's grain. They'll have in the future No, this is all very stupid And uh, yeah, they they camp out for the night because they're on their journey the little adventure they've got their fellowship of two people now and uh, he's like So, uh, what what are they gonna do to us? Do you think like if you know if all this goes wrong? What would the mother will do and she just gets locked into a very long I'm gonna explain my entire fucking backstory to you now Next exposition dump again Which is a terrible slow-mo fight scene in between the last exposition dump. Yeah, really change it up Her home world was raised by the mother world when she was like a little fleam and they they met the main evil man who Well, she did uh And he was impressed with her because he put her gun to his face and she pulled the trigger And I was like, oh wow, you've got you've got spunk little girl. And yeah, I don't know why I I've talked to a few people about it Nobody's got any ideas on what the fuck we're supposed to interpret about that If it jammed if he knew it wasn't loaded if it was the safety was on I have no idea I don't know. I just wanted to die Yeah, I got nothing. I have no clue. I've got no clue. So yeah, um, obviously he He then raised her as his own and taught her that love is weakness and that you should never be nice because niceness is bad And then she fell in love with some guy And then that guy died in a fight and she said she started she didn't really understand the meaning of all of this anymore and lost her investment in fighting That's that even though after that she went and fought more Well, yeah, she they show her planting the flag that she's like charging forward and yelling and saying let's go Yeah, I raised the banner for the very people that murdered my entire family. It's like Yeah Yeah, why'd you do that? Oh, and there's a big slow-mo shot of her waving the flag as well. Oh, so cool. It's just so cool. Yeah Yeah, it is really cool. You guys should have been there to see it. It was really cool Just just fyi. That's that's all we really have to say about all that. We are 50 minutes in now Yep, like This is definitely the reader's digest version about terrible. This movie is I feel like we've covered most of the things that batter When moving fast, but it was incredibly painfully slow painfully slow. Yeah So they arrive at the place where they're gonna meet their their contacts and Just as they arrive he is captured by bounty hunters outside of the saloon or whatever this fucking place is and and steve was like, oh no, that's our contact And oh because this is written like absolute crap She says, hmm Did the blood axes give you any other way to contact them other than through this guy? and steven's like, um Yeah, uh, they told me That they are sheltered by king charon Oh, no king levitica on planet charon So we'll have to go there and it's like Sorry The rebel team told you who is sheltering them and where When you had met them for the first time and provided them some grain Wow That's I'm glad that we're establishing this is so every faction is retarded in this world So horribly written. It's like number one. They would never tell you that otherwise. They were just hyper retarded To like why didn't you bring this up before that's that's more useful information than go and talk to this guy That that would be the the the direct instead of the through a middleman like it's fucking crazy He's just like, yeah, no, I haven't really got any more information except exactly where they are. That's about all I have He's like, oh, okay And then um, it's so awkward because the guy's getting dragged away They just walk past him They leave him to his fate. They're like, well, you have no usefulness. Yeah, he was gonna help us But well, you know, he has is so funny because usefulness to the to the plot for the bad guys though Yeah, and he's also he's also he'd be invested in the um sort of the the the cause Yeah, but oh well, whatever. Yeah, I think uh, for you, you were like, oh, what kind of actions? See, we're gonna get to save him. They just walk past him. They just walk past him, but I'm like, oh shit I guess that I'm like, oh well playing me. They don't give a fuck. Bye Uh, yeah, they say like before we go visit your rebel friends. We need to get general Titus and A genius plan for finding general Titus who I think all we know about him is the He led a rebellion against the mother will despite being one of the generals and then he was disgraced and He was sent, I guess to roman planet to be He was sent to gladiator planet It's um, oh and then yeah, so just keep all that in mind We get they walk into a cantina like place and then we get what feels like one to one choice of shots with star wars Like this just feels like a blatant ripoff. It's just like look at that alien. Look at this alien. Look at this alien Look at this alien and it's just like when when tfa does this we make fun of them But at least tfa is a part of the same series so you can treat it as though it's reverence and be like look In this case, they do it and then they're like, oh, what's better than disney Yeah, what? It is so overtly alien and yet within like it's so close to their little settlement And it's like damn. Yeah. Um, and also in keeping in keeping with star wars Especially disney star wars. Um, no aliens joined their team Actually, they're all people no humans. Oh, yeah, you're an alien To give a better understanding of what we're trying to get out as well You know Luke and his family and stuff. There's loads of things that Are what you would call maybe old age or archaic like tech or approaches, but there's also loads of updated stuff It's like a big It feels like advanced old like It's like we're not gonna rebuild the building because that's just not feasible to rebuild the whole building but We're gonna use droids and stuff. Yeah, we're gonna use we can buy a droid and they could use droids in the bar Or we can buy some nice tv's You know like if you go to houses that are built in there like the speeder tens or 20s They'll have electricity. They've they've they've put in gas lines and electricity want lines and stuff like that, you know But in this case it is just like a viking village that looks like it's from 500 years ago Wow much further than that actually if it's a viking village It looks old very very very very very old but not aged It looks old, but like it was recently built except it's a crazy sci-fi world with massive spaceships and aliens and crazy tech Um, it's bizarre It's like a pair of jeans and they make them where the like knees are worn off Yeah deliberately except not even that they're just pristine like jeans except Yeah, it's it's just bizarre. It's so strange. Then we introduce rapy pig man Who's uh, wait more rape more rapers. Oh, no. Yeah, but throw a bit more in and uh, oh my goodness He's like I want to sack Steven and then she's like no and then gay rapist very progressive Fucking pulls out a knife to a neck In this what I assume is a bar where you're not allowed to just randomly threaten people like that It's just that he doesn't like you. I don't like you either kind of they're doing that bit, you know Well, you know, it's a so much better Because yes, she she beats him up and then he's like, oh you rascally rabbit. I'm I'll get you and and leaves And uh, when he's left, she's like, okay everyone listen up. Does anyone know where general titus is which Like what the fuck man? Like what? Fuck it. Obi-Wan when he needed what he needed He was like talking to specific people and trying to move around like not you don't just announce You're already like in potential trouble. He's someone you're not even allowed to like fucking associate with necessarily, but whatever She's crazy clever. And then it's just some fucking alien just goes. I know where general titus is It's like, oh good. But you just happened to do this. That's really good. This is super useful That he's here at this bar and it was just there. You can tell him this Of course, he knows where general titus is and he explains this song writing is easy Right writing stories is easy. What why do you two guys? What how come you guys say that it's hard? It's really easy And so, uh, yeah, he's on roman planet you got to go to roman planet to get it It's like, okay. Yeah, well, I guess we'll head there But then pig man comes back and now he's got mercenaries with him. Oh no, they've got guns So really it's a remix on the cantina because After the guy got his arm chopped off They just went back to playing the music here They went back to playing the music and then we got a fight scene Well in a new hope they call the cops That's right. They do they call this they call the storm troopers like dude This guy came in here with like a weird laser sword or whatever and he cut off this dude's arm That's not cool. I'm gonna call the police and then the police show Blood goes places, but don't worry the r-rated vision this will have blood Yeah, yeah, that's right Um, so they all miss every single shot except the ones that hit the wooden table She uses a shield against these plasma weapons Which works and they just don't go through It's so weird Yeah, it's it's actually crazy. They plasma weapons very tiny thin coffee table very explicitly show us the the wood Is a good strong shield against plasma. It's like, okay Which is weird because even like the weakest of bullets will go through No, what is sci-fi guns Yeah, and so they all die, uh, there's one left that might just get our main character, but then uh, Sons of anarchy man shoots him and you're like, oh my god And uh, he's like I heard you're looking for a pilot in this cantina I can help you I'm a pilot. I made the kessel run in less than 12 And you might think my ship's a piece of junk, but it's actually really great and real fast. Um This fucking character is such a like it's so bad on the part of the writer And it's so confusing. I thought it was terrible writing first time around, but it turns out it's Terrible characterization on the part of our main characters. It's um, he basically says I'm not a mercenary. I'm an opportunist. I just do whatever's best benefiting me And uh, when we when we walk into this place, we see that he's getting paid off by the bounty hunters Who is searching for any information on the blood axes, right? So you could assume some form of an alignment there And then he's like I can help you guys you're uh, you know, you're doing something for a cause, right? And I think she just I think steven says, uh, we're just we're just farmers And then she says we're organizing a fucking thing to take on the mother world and free uh, yeah It's just like what the fuck are you doing like how about you shut the fuck up woman How is steven the one that's like Much more, you know savvy with all of this what he's displaying common sense. Yeah, and she's just like We are here to make a rebellion Who knows where the general is of the rebellion that we can go visit to make a rebellion and so he's so He says he'll he'll he'll join and help him and then like well, but you know Payment I guess and he's like pay me what you will And and the main character doesn't think that's really sus. That's super sus Like I said first time through I was just like well that was terribly written But if the thing about it is it's it's it's fiction if I met someone to do this in real life I wouldn't trust them because I'd be like you're doing something that costs you For no reason at least from what I can tell what's going on. What's the motive? Wait, wait, are you talking to the guy who literally says I'm an opportunist you're talking about that guy, right? Yeah, the guy who literally says I'm just an opportunist and she tells him everything Okay, that's interesting. All right fair enough. I don't I don't see what even Steven's like you're fucking. What are you doing? Because he's like It's so funny watching this over and talking about it He is easily the best character because there's something else he's gonna do that puts him above everyone else A bit like he's normal. Yeah, and this crazy world filled with Yeah He's kind of our normal character Which elevates him far above all the rest of the Zach Snyder characters. He's just some guy. He's just a guy He's just a guy Yeah, they've got a new member of the team now and it it just came out of nowhere and it's super suspicious But fine Kai Kai the pilot here he comes. This is this is awesome. Sure and Kora and Kai and farmer man, then we get villain scene where Uh Francis is told that they're gonna be meeting up with the bounty hunters that captured that guy And then he's like, yeah, okay. I'll meet up with him and then he fucks an octopus thing I don't I don't know why they would this is he that he allows the octopus to fuck him I don't know same diff. I'm not I'm not even more specific. I'm sorry if that's upsetting to you I just wanted to get posted I just wanted to just you know make sure Didn't look very good to the cg on it like it. No, it actually looked Incorporate with him very well Pointless scene doesn't actually add anything at all that we don't get from later parts And I don't know if they're trying to be like look at him. Look at him. He has sex with aliens Okay I don't want to do that. I I don't yeah, I don't I legitimately Don't know. I don't know what I'm meant to make of it. What am I supposed to think? Or what do you want from me Zach? It's just weird Then we get on the next disjointed scene that's been stapled into the movie because that's what we get now for the next like three Scenes some major moments in this film First is a guy called tarak who they come here to buy but they have no money Well, they're well, that's the problem we got there That's the first itch in that plan so But then his slave Oda promised them grain later. They think all the grain is a pathway to all of their Problems solutions is like. Oh, we we we can give you some grain. It's it's like the shittiest The shittiest video game the shittiest open-world rpg We're like, I need this guy and then the slave owner's like, well, you got to give me money And like we don't have any he goes no money Well, all right. I'm I'm a gambler. I like gambling. So if he Contame the fucking mythical beast just outside Then you can take him if he fails. You're all my slaves That's an interesting, um Uh It's definitely a moment of like whether or not our quote-unquote leader agrees to this being lady person I feel like if I were there, I'd be like, oh, I I'm not involved in this. You guys can yeah I'm not with I'm not with him. I'm not actually up. You guys can gamble if you want, but I'll just watch I don't know what the fuck's going on really um Yeah, and so this guy's like, yeah, I'll I'll tame the beast Before you go on just to remind me because I'm why do they really want this tarak guy I've seen the film twice and I I don't know I can't remember No, there's got to be a reason. No, there probably is I I think I missed the line. That's all I've got Because I actually don't have I I can't remember why they want this why they travel specifically to this planet to get this guy Because it's at this point of the story where I'm going No, no, no, no, no, no You you don't need to be collecting pokemon people to add to your party to win the championship No, no, you you have to like assemble an entire army in artillery in like a space fleet in order to defend yourself Or you can just like run away five super cool edgy people Yeah, or you run away and you fuck off and never come back But I think the movies That it was at this point I think that I realized the movie wanted me to think that if they collect Like five edgy special characters that they could stop the enemy army Magnificent seven style. Yeah, but that's I was about to say seven samurai The lack of media literacy that you didn't realize that this is like seven samurai. Yeah You're supposed to understand Yes, right, but seven samurai and magnificent seven work because it's some skilled gunslingers against like a larger But relatively small scale force of baddies. Wait not to collect the empire But it wasn't actually massively technologically superior. Yeah, that's like a like I don't know what they're gonna do against a spaceship You know, but I I guess their plan is that Well, we see what one character manages to do against a spaceship. I guess Pretty neat Yeah, it's pretty so um, yeah, he's got a tame it and he talks to the animal about how we're both enslaved We both want to be free and that we both fear ourselves And apparently this animal understands all of this It's like a black. It's a black griffon. It's a griffon. It's a hippogriff as people have been comparing It's kind of like the creature in Harry Potter It's just it's just a griffon. It's got a eagle head and like a horse lion body and some wings and it's covered in feathers It's just a griffon. Yeah And it again once again feels just like stuff like Zach is just like yeah, throw that in. Fuck it Yeah, it feels like just some like a young adult kids adventure story where you just have a bunch of magical fantastical things thrown into the world and And that's it It feels like a 12 year old wrote this it feels like a 12 year old story come to life a 12 year old's daydream Made manifest somehow and then netflix purchased it Um, they have a very weird like he wraps a rope around its Beak and that's enough for him to remain attached to it when it starts to fly away, which feels really fucking weird Yeah, um the leverage you would have would be so incredibly inefficient and there's no saddle There's he's just that's that's enough apparently. Yeah, he's just sitting on him He's just sitting on the guy on the griffon as it flies around and he stays on it because You know, I still think about it. Isn't it cool that he's riding on the griffon this character We don't know anything about on this creature at this place Well, it's notable Part of it is that the the creature wants him off as much as it can It doesn't do a great job of it, but it does at one point ram into a wall that does knock him off And then he jumps Yeah He like looks at it like oh my god, what's that? Yeah, like slow mo. Oh my god. What's that? And then it's just a wall Yeah, just lingering slow motion scene where the griffon is looking over to the left like oh my gosh What's that over there? And it's just it's just a rock wall Even he has the The camera tightens up on tarak as well realizing too. He's like, oh no that thing that it's spotted That's gonna fuck us up now. And it's just the same thing that's been in this whole environment Yeah, I expected him to turn over there'd be like a spaceship Or you know what it is like a whole group of people or maybe extended vision It will be looking at something specific. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the the weird rock kamikaze is just a placeholder That makes sense. That makes sense You gotta check out the Justice's Scar edition out next year because it Because instead of like just spinning around or or turning upside down in the air or anything like that it just it just like It like rams itself into the canyon doesn't even ram effectively right like it rams awkwardly because it mainly is hurting itself When it doesn't have to it could hurt him much more by just aiming better So it makes tarak seem like an animal abuser because the animal is so desperate now to get this creature This weird creature off of its back that it is willing to hurt itself in order to do that Well, and then we get the to get back on these slow mo's Considering the the american indian vibes are going for but whatever it's super slow mo's after the slow mo Yeah, he thinks it's a really good shot and it's not that interesting. No, no wait. Do you wait you disagree? You don't I just I don't think it's a really good shot. It's just not that interesting But he's running slowly And jumping slowly onto the onto the it's weird. It's it's actually a lot of this movie is kind of difficult To explain in words how dumb it is Because it's it's so Non Like it's so unceremonious and mundane a lot of the things that happened. They're just really stupid So when you describe them, they don't seem as stupid as they really are I mentioned the disconnection But I feel like anybody was listening to us maybe left the video going and went to toilet or something came back And now we're talking about that. They'd be like, wait, what the fuck what movie you talking about? We're like, yeah, rubble moon. Um, yeah, this is the next chapter and zack sniders rebel moon and it's This is the part where the the indian guy Jumps on the hippogriff on the desert planet that they go to Uh, so he could become a part of the team That that's a part This is the next part. This is where the story was leading. This is an intuitive Place. Yeah Yeah, if they come back from the bathroom, they'll know what we're talking about This begins the incredibly bizarre portion of this film Oh Said incredibly bizarre not just regularly bizarre No, you're actually right after the the first act is shitty star wars and then it turns into a shitty farscape episode Well, it's just it's just thus begins the section of recruiting a bunch of people in these incredibly disconnected Moments that don't advance the plot. They're all like short films. Yeah, like episodes of a tv show that are crammed together Yeah, was made by four or five different people, but all of them were zack snider I just joined together and then after we recruit them. They don't say anything for a while Like each character that gets yeah, they disappear. Yeah, it's like they have no perspective on anything that's happening They're there. Oh, this reminds me of the dwarves in the battle of the five armies Where in the first two movies of the trilogy the dwarves are like they're around kind of all the time sort of And then the third movie they basically just have no screen time whatsoever And they just become An ambiguous group of dwarves and that they stop getting any characterization or lines Because I mean this film is is it is so maybe it's so devoid of character It's kind of unbelievable like this guy gets recruited and I wouldn't be surprised if he had three lines of dialogue for the rest of the film Uh, unironically, I think that's true. I I legitimately Really, maybe I'm not saying three to be like dramatic I mean, I I legitimately think that he he maybe says like three things for the rest of it Compared to Titus and nemesis They get like nothing Nemesis gets like nothing. I think Titus gets one speech. I was looking forward to revealing her name Oh, yeah Remember because it's so stupid But yeah, they've they this guy he's tamed the griffin Because yeah, the griffin smant slams into the rock wall and he falls off and then he runs down it because the griffin Didn't leave the griffin like flew along the wall In a way He would have been stuck and screwed Yeah, have you not gone as fast as it could forward left if he'd done every other direction the guy would be dead Yep, but fortunately he didn't so good for him and he's tamed him and then he and then he's like Yeah, tamed him now. I'm gonna leave him in the hands of you abusive like guys I'm just gonna leave leave this tamed griffin with you bad people Actually, we don't know that they're bad people, do we? Well, that's the slave on his rags Well, he he's enslaved because of this massive debt that he's incurred for something against this guy I don't know the nature like I mean the the film wants you to believe these guys are scum Oh, yeah, like it frames them as terrible horrible people But actually it doesn't because I was even gonna say actually are the exchange doesn't even make sense Uh, he must not have owed you very much if it can be paid off by taming this animal because The value of having someone Who will just work for you like explicitly, you know indefinitely But however long we got him from that's worth a lot Compared to willing to do it. He's just willing to do it too You tamed it therefore we can Like use it Works with animals somebody else tames it you can just effortlessly make that animal do whatever you want Well, why couldn't he get him to do it anyway? He was his slave. Yeah Exactly. I go and tame them. Why would they make a deal to do that? He's like, yeah, if you could do a thing that I could have had him do anyway, then I'll give him up to you So what yeah, this is like I need you to wash those dishes over there and then we're then and then you could go I just find it's so awkward As far as the film is concerned these guys suck because they're like slave owners Um And and then he's like, all right I'll leave this griffin that I bonded with in this magical moment where I'm like a good animal man Who like it? Intune with nature I'm gonna leave him with you evil guys Yeah, but that's what you're wrong because he knew that the the creature was gonna kill them all and run away Yes, because that's what happens is the the the the guy's like, all right I'm a I'm a ride my griffin and then it kills. Oh, jeez. Oh, you're working out. Oh, I got me And it kills somebody like stabbing him with all of his claws in his chest. Yeah, it's it's weird It's he watches it says add a girl. It's like, oh, yeah, all right. Oh, jeez All right. Oh, yeah, this this guy just got killed by this griffin I just don't horrifically and now they're just probably gonna shoot it down. Probably probably they're gonna be like, holy shit This thing is gonna kill. Oh shit. We gotta kill it now. It's it's killing us It's not the outcome that you want the griffin's done. You should have just flown off with the griffin. Why didn't he just leave? Yeah, he's just fly away Don't know. Yeah, they came back They came back to the place and he delivered the griffin to the guy We get asked like, why isn't why isn't flying away in general it can fly and it doesn't want to be here Why isn't it leaving? Why isn't it just leaving? Why doesn't it just go away? Yeah, because it could leave at any time. It has wings attached to it. It's a vengeful griffin. It wants to get revenge I guess But then why didn't it just It awkwardly walks around until it gets revenge We're awkwardly talking about this movie because this is a very strange movie to sort of recount because there's a thousand weird little bitty things that make no Sense and they're all jammed together Nothing in this movie makes any sense and it's confusing and it's weird and I don't know what's trying to be said I have no idea What zack snider thinks about native americans, but I I think I should be offended, but i'm not sure It's really weird None of that we're off to we're off to daggers now And i'm off to the toilet i'll be right back it's the cobalt mining planet where they mine cobalt Which is basically irrelevant to the thing that's gonna happen here, which I guess that's fine But uh introducing nemesis look at this character She's got a mysterious past. She dresses in all black. She has a funny hat and two lightsabers Yep, I just can't I'm so Why You'd be like, oh well, she seems interesting, right? You're like, yeah, you'd think you'd think but no You don't get any they got to accept it this seed. I think and then someone else said like We'll get it in episode Well, yeah, I mean the assumption is that she had a home planet and they were all killed all of her family by the evil mother World that's probably gonna be the fucking backstory for all of these people Isn't that yeah, that's the backstory for the fucking pilot Yeah That's obviously the backstory the main character Yeah Arguably it's the backstory for steven because modoc got killed Yeah It's so lame and yeah, she's uh She's super mysterious and they say hey, would you like to join us on our suicide mission for no reason at all? And before she can answer We just enter a different scene. It's like it's literally like entering a different fucking movie Oh, are we the next movie yet? Yeah Yes, suddenly a giant spider that's tormenting this village is suddenly that's what's happening now Yeah, we're at the episode where they go to the super industrial mining place in the ghetto and there's a spider lady And she's stolen a kid and then there's a little a weird asian swordsman lady And it's it's like a new movie has begun It really is because now we're on this little uh sequence for this character on the next mission of the video game Well, so into it is not an end plot at all Again, we we can travel through this relatively fast because the summary of the motivation for spider queen is The mother world have poisoned the air to the point where my eggs can no longer Develop into my children and so since I can't have children I'm going to steal other people's children to make all the mothers feel the same pain that I feel Yeah, she's gonna she kidnapped a kid and she's gonna kill them And then it misses is like no this isn't right and then they have a sword fight Yeah, she's it's the she says all of that and then our our new character is like but that's mean And then they find out and then they have a really poli choreographed fight Yeah, and she does she barely wins Nemesis seems to have a lot of trouble fighting this lady with her sword This is fighting and everybody just sort of stands there and watches. There's a lot that's terrible She doesn't turn on her lightsabers until way later That's right. But yeah, she has like two little short swords And then halfway through the fight after she's really had a tough time She turns the swords on and they like electrified red She does a little part. Yeah, they seem to be I think the idea is they're super hot They're kind of like, you know, swords that have made of light almost like they're super hot and they can slash. Yeah And seemingly have no drawbacks But everybody just stands and watches even though there's a child that's about to be killed by the spider The only person who jumps in is steve Again being the best character in the film he jumps in and knows everybody just watches And it's it's good to do an assessment here You have the child who is quite far away big spider giant target who has many moments of being completely open Steve does not have any weapons. Our main character has a gun pilot man has a gun. I think uh Tarek doesn't have a gun, but at the same time he's wrangled beasts, you know It's weird that he doesn't have a gun Well, I feel like a lot of other people here would have guns as well This seems like one of those worlds where most of them do it was kind of my point is that none of them Fucking use them and instead they just watch steven desperately almost die defending this child While the rescue the kid the assassin lady is struggling She gets one of the arms like pierced by spider lag or something And you just don't know what the fuck is going on the most we can gather as of later scenes is that uh Our hero was just this was like a test to just watch what nemesis can do And she's like, oh, yeah, that was pretty good impressive Child no care that there was a child in danger It's pretty crazy. That's uh, that's bad characterization is what that is very bad for all of them At least kai makes sense. He's actually a bad guy. So You know, why would he kick bad guys don't care about the lives of children. We all know that Life on the line with no fighting experience whatsoever to try and yeah He just does something virtuous while everyone else does nothing Despite being able to have ended the fight easily and very quickly And yeah, this I think was in the trailer her turning on her lightsabers and going And then doing a big circle around her for no reason at all It is for no reason. It's just to be cool. It's just cool If you look at the way they light up it looks like the handles have lit up too So I guess she does have metal arms meaning that she could tolerate a lot of cybergarms But like she gets stabbed in the arm doesn't seem like a particularly good design though that the handles become hot No, that sounds pretty stupid. Honestly, the blades are so short They're custom made so that the she can handle them and no one else no one like her. Yeah They're a special assassination blades because she's an assassin. God. She's so fucking lame But yeah, she kills a spider. No, she's very cool. Mahler. No I will not allow it. No, what do you mean? She's very cool. I mean what I said Fuck this lady. Fuck all these characters guys. I don't you know what I don't like. I don't like rebel moon I don't like it What but this is zack snider is a visionary I don't like visionaries now. That's what I've learned Wow He made me hate visionaries excellent Um, so yeah, I guess that's done. There's a particularly funny part where at the end Instead of being like shocked and disturbed at everything they've just seen and understood to be true Like that's a giant spider lady The many of them have never seen this before but none of them comment on it And uh They one of them is like wow that was impressive and you know like fucking marvel levels and then Nemesis is like Don't celebrate this. There is no honor here. This could have been any of you And it's like speak for your fucking self There is honor in saving the lives of people especially kids I would say so There's there's multiple levels of honor There's like putting yourself in danger in order to protect people from a horrible Mods to protecting the future of the people that should have attacked the current girl that you've just saved What are you talking about that is like this could have been you? I'm not the kind to when losing a loved one kill other people. That's not really necessarily what I do That's just you know, it's kind of weird seems a little weird If my kid dies because of bad air, I'm not then going to go and attack people in my community Unless I guess if they were responsible, but they're absolutely not a crazy spider lady. So, you know, yeah, you wouldn't understand It's not like anybody could be her. No, not everybody can be a crazy spider lady It's supposed to just come across as oh look that character's got like a unique understanding of this and a different perspective But again, this is the last thing she says now for possibly the whole movie I think she doesn't say anything for the rest of the movie. I'm pretty sure she says nothing She's like so sad about having to kill spider lady when spider lady was just completely evil I want other people to suffer so that they could feel how I suffer. It's like, oh She was doing an evil thing for an evil reason. Yeah There was nothing to it. Um so anyway next scene we're with uh two mains again And uh, uh, Korra says, oh, you know, it was really good of you Stephen to help the little girl back there That's not natural for some. Do you know what he says back to her? natural for you you defended us back home It's one of the best I almost would kind of want to frame it as the you are told of characteristics that are just not true Like the film is like, look, she's heroic and I'm like, no, she's not You just showed me she wasn't what do you mean? You're so desperate You're so bad that you're just having characters lie about other characters now You're a liar Sit on a throne of lies. I I'll not let and it's so annoyed to have Stephen who is a genuine hero at that moment being like, no, you're a hero It's like, no, she's not You are the protagonist They are for a moment Um, and then she just starts doing exposition again. She's like, you know I was the bodyguard of princess isa who her name means the life giver and she was created in response to generations of war What? That's such a statement of like, I'm sorry. What princesses? I guess Spiritually speaking she arrived because there was just so much death and pain in the world and you know She has the power to resurrect animals That's just so it's so fucking nuts to drop this on us after everything to just be like, yeah The other princess everyone's been talking about she could resurrect animals and she was brought Brought here because of the pain and strife of constant war This is like wow Should teach me about the world not make me go. What the fuck? What do you mean? Oh Questions I've had before This uh, it's got so confusing so fast It's so funny because it's just a part of it being like, yeah, there's just some backstory for you. Anyway, let's move on Okay, again after calling into question man How convenient is it that when attempting to hide out A character who has massive connections to The guy who took over the galaxy spanning empire was also the bodyguard to Like a person who could resurrect animals Just so happens to be bumped into on a random planet by like the second in command general leader man What are the odds of all of that happening? And also a robot that was activated by the love and loyalty has to the very girl being seen in another girl Yeah, exactly. What are the odds of that? Like so close to zero in a galaxy. It's kind of It's it's astronomically low. It's insane. Yeah Anyway, gladiator time Yeah, time to go to the gladiator planet. We're going to gladiator planet. You guys remember the movie gladiator Remember he was in gladiator. This actor was in gladiator. So we're going to gladiator planet because Snyder is a visionary Yeah Um, I can summarize this whole scene as are you the general and he's like My men died because of my surrender because of my Decisions and it's like, oh, okay. And then she says well I don't think you're meant to die here. And if you won't do this for redemption then do it for revenge And then he joins Yeah, he's like, I won't do it. And then she says we'll do it for this reason He's like, okay, I'll join you and then he doesn't say anything for the next that's it for the whole movie. Yep Yeah, he's just around. That's it. That's literally it. That is they use the master ball on this pokemon and we moved on We are not spending time on this You can't gladiator bad Uh, yeah bad guys have a scene and the only thing It actually is gladiator planet. It's like ancient roam. Yeah, everyone's got their little roman outfits And there's a gladiator pit and um, there's a big coliseum with banners on it And the guy from gladiator is the the actor and it's just roam. They just go to roam. It's terrible is what you're saying It's so uninspired and awful. It's a movie where they go to roam. It's um That's what look how ugly it is too. I don't know what's going on Like he's lost his ability to make things look nice Uh at all Look at those colors. Look at those colors So fake too. Oh, but you see that's the point because it's meant to show you how miserable and destitute this place is All right. Well, that's the point. It's meant to look ugly. It ain't good to watch them like rebel moon after watching the lord of rings trilogy just saying Doesn't help. It doesn't help So uh, yeah, he's on the team now villain scene time The guy that they went to for information before he can tell them about that planet and where they're Hiding and stuff and then they introduce him a mechanic that's going to be super important Okay, those little those little devices that capture people They come with a little gun That when you put it into the the back of the thing and fire It'll paralyze them and then it will release them. That's something it does You can't stop it from doing that that is mechanically built in you paralyze them And then it automatically releases them and the release is particularly funny. Imo It just drops them onto the floor and bear in mind They are paralyzed and these are these are captives Can you think of anything that might go wrong with a system like that? And hurt their head um such that they die So well also like if you want to transport a prisoner and paralyze them Uh, like it it's like a drill bit that goes into their neck like actually physically paralyzes them It's actually really fucking terrible But what it does is it paralyzes them and then it lets them go So now you have to carry them. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense at all. You need to get them to go So only paralyze them if they're at the location where you want them to stay But this would be one of the worst ever examples of setup. This is going to be incredibly important It's going to change everything later It's annoying, but yeah, that's so the bad guys are coming gotta be careful now So we use that information we established earlier of the rebels are hiding out on that planet with that king guy We go to the planet arrive and our main character just has a chat with the king immediately Yeah, just just they got just this as far as he's concerned some rando Well once again There's no civilization here. This is one that they they argue later has been thriving for tens of thousands of years or something They arrive it's like this is just fucking green screen with a bunch of dudes holding sticks There's nothing here Not a place. I don't buy it at all. Yeah, this is an this is a green screen set that you just CGI'd some aliens on Nothing about this world feels real. It feels so not real. It's all fake. It's all bullshit. It's all bullshit Yeah, so um She's like I want to meet the rebels and then he's like, yeah, they'll be here in a bit and it's like Wow, you guys suck We're here to meet this rando as far as they're aware because remember she is significant But they don't know that no some person and and yeah, just like clockwork the rebels arrive Then the leader of the rebels big cyborg and girl Like this is this is sus. You guys have contacted us on I think he says it's a flagless vessel Um, that's unknown on our systems or whatever and you're sitting there like, oh So why did you agree to meet them? Yeah, why didn't you just this is just obviously a trap why this was obvious. Yeah, it's obviously a trap But no, they're fine And then um, this is where they established that they were the ones that bought grain of them as well meaning like I said They've supplied both the empire and the rebellion grade this tidy village Funny stupid and one of the odds that again, she just happened to have to be all that village Inoculate with the purpose of trying to hide And she just happened to be in the village that was the most significant and important village that there ever was So, uh, they asked for them to help and join the cause which there's no reason for them to do it at all and then cyborg is like Okay, I'm gonna join you and the sisters like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, why let's talk about this And he says well, he's got two reasons one if the bad guys Sorry, if the if these guys have found us it's only a matter of time before the bad guys do So one, uh, I guess, you know what true actually and you should probably move Because you've been telling everybody where you're hiding which is like the worst way to stay secret actually which is fyi Maybe your future sporting of them. Yeah And then um, his second reason is that um, we can't have more and more planets dying for us We gotta we gotta it's gotta stop And it's so funny because it's like well, that's the rebellion That's what you're doing. You're trying to stop the empire. Isn't that the whole fucking point the idea that it's like Oh, but there are some people who are getting killed because the empire believe we might be hiding where they are And we can't have that it's like oh, so you just give up then Just gg no conversations like this I had by the way Because I was about to entertain the idea that this isn't necessarily bad storytelling You can have a character that says like I can't do this anymore kind of people die for us We have to and then it's another character is like more people will die if we give up that sort of thing But we don't have that conversation. He just says you know like characters in a story. Yeah. Yeah characters. That's the word Yeah, we could have had those never mind. Um, yeah So yeah, I think it's hilarious the his whole issue here is the they need to Defend themselves now need to attack them other will because they've been found When that was always the case especially giving away your location and the people are dying Which I assume is the whole fucking reason you started the rebellion But now you're gonna like dissolve it and then attempt to help them But uh, yeah, so he's gonna join and he asks everyone else in the team if they want to join in about like eight or so of them Yeah The rebellion that's threatening the galaxy spanning massive empire It's like 30 guys and they all look fucking same Well, they look the same in the sense that they're all like faceless characterless drones. They're all gonna get killed But they all have they have the same paint. They have the same Face, yeah, they have which is identifying uniform sort of yeah You don't want to have that if you're like like hiding from the empire and all of the empire people That's bad. That means they can see you and they'll know who you are. We have our team now That's our team everybody. We're into the third act Isn't that exciting But we don't want another scene between uh pilot man and main character because remember pilot man. Remember him He's in the movie Don't worry. I have mentioned every last piece of interesting things to say about him. I haven't missed anything It's like, okay He's just been around like everyone else has been around after they were collected They've just been around it's particularly funny because he says uh, he says why would the leader of the rebellion guys join up Seems like short-sighted because he's trying to say like it's a fucking bad move. Are you immediately like like you joining? Like you yeah, like what? and uh He says um, you make me want to be honorable to her And again, I thought it was just bad writing. I was like, what the fuck why you don't know anything about her at all You barely even spoken, but the the truth is he's just selling her bullshit and she's buying it Yep, he's imagine someone telling you they're changing they they used to be a scallywag They used to be someone who would just do evil things for money But they changed their mind when they met you and you've literally exchanged about two sentences with this person The guy the self You're a liar, of course you are yes doing this you're trolling me It's uh, it's insane and yeah, he's you know, that's about to pay off. So wonderful It's gonna be great The bad guys just destroy the people who are hiding the rebellious months, um This civilization has thrived for 10,000 years and yet they have zero defenses at all They have zero defenses and then he hits the king here with a stick too. He does But not before establishing he understands honor, but he does not understand charity, which is so funny It comes easy Oh, they're the bad guys. They're the bad guys. They remember love is weakness and charity is confusing Why would we ever do that? That's when you give your stuff to other people for no reason. Why would you do that? Uh, yeah, so that guy's that weakness, by the way Oh, and uh, they destroy the entire planet. They raise the entire planet I think it's implied that yeah, they destroy as they're leaving as well There's there's fucking crazy explosions happening just as they're leaving atmosphere Yeah, they destroyed the civilization. I think it's implied Yeah, they destroyed it. They destroyed it the whole thing Absolutely not because they helped out the 40 rebels or whatever it was so the civilization got destroyed It's just a primary example of being a fucking idiot when when writing a faction like this Do you understand the resources it takes to raise a planet? And then do you understand the resources you've wiped out by raising this planet? Do you understand like you also understand like writing wise? Do you understand that how can the good guys possibly win? If that's true, guys can destroy a whole civilization And then you remember What the opening of this stupid movie was is that the mother world are looking for resources throughout the galaxy And that they were going to the point of trying to get grain off a tiny farming settlement and yet they destroy a thriving planet With all of their weaponry they have cost themselves immense resources to destroy immense resources For no reason other than you help you help the bad guys, so we're going to destroy the entire civilization It's it's like none of this makes any sense, man Nothing in this movie makes sense It's actually kind of like insane how little of it makes sense You'd think that as you just like the ramblings of a lunatic would make some level of sense Right because they'd make sense to the the lunatic who's writing them down Yeah, but i'm not here But you know what rags the four hour cut that's where it'll make sense. That's right. That's right Release the snider cut. Oh god It's gonna be even worse. Not that i'll have a fucking watch it. I i'm so done with snider products It's so terrible consistently, but I will I mean when's the next one out? Is it like four months for now or something? Yeah, uh, I think it's like april next year scar giver Yep, i'm sure that there'll be a trilogy in my brain scars I'm so curious to see what the viewership is going to look like from one to two well, and like I said, uh people are Clowning on this movie like i'm seeing so many and not even highlighting all the inconsistencies of which there are many And there are they are huge it's a lot of story general story criticism So like badly paced. I don't care about any of these characters. They're not characterized at all It's completely just jointed. It's a complete ripoff. There's all these different Points of view about just basic storytelling tenants that they're making people say like zack does nobody's doing And now it's making people say did he ever know what he was doing the answer is no No, this is one of those uh those like fodder for Video kind of movies like you could go through this movie and there's a million problems with every scene It is so shit through and through it's easily one of the worst movies Well, but then there are also stretches between those scenes of ten minutes for nothing Waiting for the next thing to happen. It's like, oh there we go so, uh, we're at this port and we're preparing the ships to go back to I guess the village and um Uh cyborg is like, yeah get your fuel. I've ever was always going great But uh one of the bounty hunters we saw earlier in the bar is talking to pilot man And he's like everything is done And then they're like handing each other money or calling in things and our main character is staring at this Which I think is hilarious, but she's like, hmm Hmm Right wait a minute I don't know. Um all I can gather from this is that she is dense as hell and she can't actually figure anything out on her own Uh, because it's you start seeing the ships reveal themselves The the boxes start opening and capturing people and she's just looking around the whole time Basically complete betrayal happens Kai the pilot was evil He was paid off to do all of this that was his actual motivation Yeah, I say that doing this all for free turns out. He's bad It turns out it wasn't the motive you thought which was What exactly nothing, uh, you didn't give us a motivation at all. It's like, oh, it turns out. He wasn't just a nice random guy So, uh, all the heroes are captured by these Machines that grab you and the villains arrive and I think everybody watching this movie at this point. It's like it's over How the fuck can they possibly get out of this? There's no way There's no possible way for the good guys get this is uh, this is it the movie's over all of the people are in the little crab prisons Machines, so they're completely held in place and captured And that that's it. It's done over well So then um, then francis just goes one by one explaining their back stories again Because that's the only thing we can do in this movie. It's like, ah general titers famous for doing this and ended up here He doesn't say anything because he hasn't said anything Oh fucking movie It's like priceless at this point. He goes to everybody and he ends up as steven and he's like, why are you here? And it's such a motive like, I don't know man Just trying to help. I don't know what's going on trying to help my village So, yeah, he's like, well, that's it. We win paralyze them all take them all this will be great Excellent, and I was like, oh, yeah, that's the smart villain thing to do. He just fucking paralyzes him And takes them with him like, oh, yeah, wow some actual competence from villains in media How could they possibly fuck this up? And then kai the pilot says Hey, steve. I want you to paralyze main girl And you're like why What's the point of that? It's like, yeah, do it do it coward and then he's like you're sick and he's like you do it And he puts the thing in and the thing beeps and I go, oh god, what's gonna happen? And it's like getting tense the music's rising and and and uh, steven's it's like, um, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm like And then he pulls out the gun and fires it into pilot man's head killing him Well, so you have to keep in mind the mechanic of the machine is once you've done the paralyze it releases So he did the paralyze on badman which releases good girl from a machine That makes sense The lock which opens it And and and so Yes, go on I'm just like the bad guys have won And then kai is allowed to do this even though kai is not a member of the empire He's just allowed to set all this up to have it happen He basically gives the farmer the key to release Protagonist girl here's the thing rags on top of everything else. How does he know how this machine works? Yeah, apparently he also knows how the machine works. Yeah, never seen it before. Nope What if it was impossible to remove it once you slotted it in without paralyzing her and you need to understand This is one of those films where you go through frame by frame and you can fully understand how retarded everything is He kills pilot man. That's his action. So to speak not that this is like a turn-based RPG But that's what he's doing. So he's released her now. What's she doing? She jumps down and attacks person in front of her So what's all of the other people doing? Yeah They've all got their guns and they're all ready for anything But they even give hero girl a hero shot She jumps down hits person grabs rifle and then she's like Like you know like like rocket raccoon and guardians one where he gets the gun They do a thing like that It's like you don't have the capacity to do that. Everyone's aiming at you. There's nothing else happening. What do you mean? It is some of the most absurd plot armor that I have ever seen in my life Yeah, because the way it's edited they want to convince you now that everyone's free It's like wait, what how what no, it's just her and then she avoids like fucking 17 shots immediately And all of the other the red shits. They're all just Out they're all attacking and it's like what how did this happen? Uh, and and yeah that everyone gets released because uh, I think one of them and I can't remember if it's Steven or not He unlocks uh nemesis and then she cuts open all the locks for everyone else and she's like, oh, that's that What's really funny is that uh cyborg says everyone get in your ships go go go go go When the enormous enemy ship is just there maybe gets gut at them And I was like, isn't that just going to blow him up and then it blows them up Is that cyborg's writing to use the characters free here? Is the bad guys just don't shoot them? Yeah, but well, there's this time he does because they're red shirts and no one cares about him He probably just wrote they all get free in the fighting ensues and then when they're on set it's like, oh Oh, wait, how do we actually like make this a thing? And then the next thing of interest is uh cyborg's sacrifice, which is pretty funny Yeah That's shot where he's running up the thing I'm gonna get you So he's he's got like a a broken off bit of metal and he runs up a ramp And jumps and intends to just slam down on turret man And like I was genuinely shocked because it's so funny He stabs through and the guy dodges He dodges it. It's like wait what and then he just while he's sitting down He just pulls out his pistol and shoots it And when I saw that I was like, wow, they're killing him off like straight away He's barely been in this movie. It would be it would be like if aomir threw the spear Like the rest of the characters if aomir threw the spear at the mumma kill and the guy dodged it And then he pulled out a crossbow shot it into aomir's face and that was that You're like what? It's not that it can't happen. It's just what the hell Well, it's just it's just well. We're killing him off. He's done by yep And uh, not before he uh, like gets a second hit Also, I mean we kind of skipped over but like how the fuck did he piece what is supposed to be Gloss that is ready for space and the vacuum Yeah, it's just a random. It's not even a weapon. It's just a random sharp piece of metal that I found You might even think it's like a bit of debris coming in with high force that these Windows would absolutely be built for but no no he's got him And then he uh, he hits the controller in this turret bay that destroys the whole ship because it's Sorry I think you know what I'm laughing at if you know where I'm at in the film This fucking shit is so funny And that looks like an AI-generated image Very that dude that was so funny You know random girl, you know random girl, right? Random girl What we talk about because you mentioned do you remember in the Aquaman one when black man to start screaming? Yeah Yeah, when he's like, no, it's like that was really funny. This was hilarious This was so funny It's the mouth extends just far enough that it looks fake It's a really really funny And also given what's been happening that he ran up like along the ship jumped in Way that doesn't do it justice. It's profoundly retarded. It's funny though Well, yeah, because he deals so much damage. He destroys the enemy force. Essentially inexplicably He he uses a random piece of shrapnel That's it's somewhat shaped like a spear to jump on a spaceship Stab through the spaceship cockpit window This gets shot multiple times and then take out the spear from where he had plunged it And then stab the pilot again so that the So the pilot slumps forward on the control. No, he pushes the controller Because I thought that you thought that it would slump forward. That's the classic Yeah, I just thought it was the gunner on the side, but apparently this goofy ass spaceship That's the pilot of the whole ship. Yeah And then it crashes into the platform and kills many of the bad guys I mean like all of them That's a Francis. Well, it no remember that main girl runs through and kills a bunch of people Running through to get to the other side Yes, we need to explain this logistically right just think of a big long platform The ship is about to crash onto a part of it to just destroy it That's where main bad francis is and main girl is like i've got to get to him before The platform crashes Question mark. What the fuck is going on? She desperately worked really hard to get to him My my thinking was the platform is going to fall down, right? Because if it's disconnected, yeah, and it does No, well it it falls, but it also kind of Hovers it cuts it in half. Well the platform falls. Oh, yeah, you're right Then it falls and he lands on like the the other platform. Yeah the space boy The space boy the buoy. What's the thing in the water the floating thing? It's like that, but yeah buoy but for space. Yes, which good thing they landed on that They both want to just fall into their deaths. Why is she so desperate to get to him when this whole she recognizes This whole platform is about to be destroyed. What's the point? It's like does she need to kill him herself? Is that the angle? She knows she knows he's gonna land on a a buoy That's below and then each have their final fight their final battle This is the final bow Yeah, well, it's so it's dumb as fuck and uh all the other characters again just on pause. They ain't doing anything now It's just a main girl I guess they just seem that she's dead. He also thinks the fight's over. They're all just dead now. Yeah Yeah, every bad guy died the whole ship has been destroyed and all this left is francis who slid Onto the the space stationy small thing. Yeah, I don't even Whatever function it serves. It's great that it was there because obviously he I was about to say he would have died if he'd fallen, but I don't know Maybe he wouldn't have I don't even know what kind of creature. He is gonna find out about him. Yeah Also her gun disappeared I guess the logic is that she lost it. Yeah, but you don't see that happen No, no, no, it's just implied that because now she doesn't have it that she doesn't she doesn't have it blame Because if she had had it that would have been it. Well, then again, it's it anyway. She beats him obviously I'm saying this like that's not She beats him in a fight. She's too much. She's too strong and too amazing and powerful and she Kills him. Mm-hmm I mean, that's it She wins they have a particularly shit fight He performs pretty badly at it. You're obviously not invested. You know, she's gonna win and you don't really care Because he's like a wacky silly. I'm so evil. I would kill babies just to drink their blood Kind of person. Even what we learn about him though. It's kind of weird that he loses. Um, we're not we're not quite there yet Well, I mean to be honest with you. I'm I haven't got much commentary left for the film at all. Like she she beats him Okay, so he's a little bit Yeah, some some form of robot So you figure that he would win because if he's a robot, he's probably stronger than the average person Well, she's trained though a bigger guy. Yeah, but he's trained. Yeah, but she's like really trained He's like a cyborg android man. Yeah, but she's like super trained And she's she she is very skinny though. So yeah, that kind of gives her the advantage. I would say extra strength Yeah, to have this mainly there's no fat. It's just muscle. So yeah Yeah, she's a lean mean fighting machine um So she kicks him off the platform after beating the teeth out of him stabbing him a couple of times and breaking his arm Obviously, he's fine. Yep Hey, he'll be back. This is as effective as when you defeat One of your primary villains in the first movie and then you're like, don't worry. He'll still be intimidating You have to mention the second fake beard Yeah, yeah, yeah, though We got to do uh, oh, oh, yeah, sorry Torak says something like uh, don't worry It's okay because she remember the literal who is sad because uh cyborg died The big the screaming lady that we know so well. She was very upset by him dying Yeah The character that we met two minutes ago was really upset that the character we met two minutes ago three minutes ago Doing something profoundly retarded. Yes That makes no sense whatsoever that somehow like Ended up being the best thing that could have ever possibly been done Uh general Titus does have a line before the film ends He's like this small act of defiance gives voice to the voiceless Like it's like wait, what he's like this is more than just a fallen prick officer and some of his men This is the beginning of something which is funny because it's like, yeah It could be the beginning of them clamping down so hard that like everyone gets murdered and you guys get framed for being like essentially Uh, what would you call it like you know like whenever a bet um like a a a a a the terroristic force essentially. It's, well, I mean, as has been pointed out, right? The bad guys are meant to be space Nazis and it is well known that the Nazis retaliated very, very harshly to acts of rebellion and resistance in a lot of the places that they occupy. They control the media, I presume. So they'll say like these people were criminals and they were attacking civilians. We tried to stop them and they blew up our ships. That just seems like something that would be worth talking about. If you guys realize that they're gonna retaliate big time and we need to think about that, like how do we feel about the fact that what we did here might result in a bunch of innocent people being slaughtered. Like that might be the retaliation. Yeah, this is like, this is baby's first rebellion story where the good guys just get to win. This isn't like Star Wars where blowing up their giant super weapon that they tried to fucking control the universe with under an iron fist would inspire, yeah, and that would inspire a huge amount of support for the rebellion to be like, you actually dismantled and destroyed the thing that they were threatening planets with. This failure here on the part of the bad guys, it's catastrophic that they lost this battle. It doesn't make any sense that they lost. They had them and they lost them and they got wiped out. I kind of feel bad for them. Wow. I'm not gonna go that far. The thing is, even in the context of this dramatic defeat, compared to them, the Death Star was a massive success. Like destroying the Death Star was huge for the rebellion. That's huge. That's like, that's a massive victory. This one is tiny, all things considered, despite how cataclysmic it was for the bad guys. Yeah, they took out one, I don't even know if that's a capital ship, it's probably like a mid, like warship, I mean, it's like, yeah, I mean, it looks smaller than the other big ship that went over their place. Another world ship, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of crazy that they don't, and what happens, if that guy's been communicating with them, then that means that bad guy might well know. He might know, it's like, oh shit, she's that fucking lady from that village. We're gonna go there and blow it up. Yeah. But doesn't that seem like a likely outcome? They only seem to think good things will happen as a result of what they've done today, that's it. Even though there's a really good chance that it's gonna get harder before it's gonna get, like things are gonna get worse before they get better. So they head home, and that's where Robert is like, hey, and that's that, that'll be set up for part two. No, he put dear antlers on, and he's in the field of wheat. Yeah. Because that's just, that's what happened. He's in the field of wheat. Again, that'll be in the extended cut where we find out that he went on a pilgrimage or something and he went and hunted an elk, a space elk, and got a horns. Yeah, don't want to make any of that, I guess, yeah, we'll find out, because we're obviously gonna watch the extended cut, because we love this one so much, yeah. Oh yeah. The way that Rebel Moon was meant to be consumed. I will, I really will not, I don't want to. I've already said I'm not doing it. It's coming out shortly before, I think the next one's coming, the next one comes out so in a few months. I think I'll refute your principle on this one. Or two comes out in a few months. Yeah, so, okay, so the timeline is part one's come out, the director's cut for this, part one will be coming out shortly before part two. I thought you were meaning there's a director's cut. Yes, yes, there's a director's cut. It's been talked about, there will be a director's cut of this, an already director's cut version that they're gonna release shortly before part two. Or I was wrong, right? Yeah, I think I object to that one on principle. It's like you can't do that. You can't release your film on Netflix where you don't have the same restrictions of thinking about how many times you can play in theaters. Any of those sort of runtime considerations to then be like, oh, well here's like the extended director's cut that comes out a couple of weeks before, a couple of months after, like that's just bullshit. That's stupid. But yes, that's real rags. Oh, I legitimately- Well, I don't- And it's the true version. This is not the true vision. Yeah, because I figured like, yeah, this is, he's got total control in this Netflix because he doesn't have to do that. Let me see if I can find what Nidus said because he said some really embarrassing things about, let me see if I can find it. He often says embarrassing things. Yeah, and it's so, it's Netflix. You have less problems to deal with when it comes to runtime and presumably less problems with ratings as well because it's Netflix. Like presumably ratings and stuff is less complicated in terms of problems that it could pose. I guess not, maybe not, but the runtime one especially. But again, why do you keep making like these four hour long movies? Like, trim them down. Well, all I look forward to is that- Yeah, yeah, so I got distinct to Revej the Sith feels from this. They show that a evil man is like on the floor covered in blood, like dying. There's this ship covered it with a spotlight. It's like, it's Palpatine. He's gonna rescue Anakin. And then they cut to him on a stretcher at like a creepy medical place, getting like, you know, haphazard surgery and stuff like, oh my God, they're gonna make a Darth Vader, but not quite. He gets, I don't know, plugged in matrix style and covered in like a goopy watery thing. And then he can commune with Balasarius, the big boss bad man in Iceland. I don't really know what's going on here. And as they have their conversation- It's kind of like on the Captain Marvel and talks to the supreme intelligence. Yeah, the supreme intelligence. As they talk, he keeps tapping the ground and gradually breaking the ice, which is just like, okay. And yeah, this is where the second very, just the really awkward makeup to try and make this actor look a lot older than he actually is. He's clearly like 30. Well, cause, yeah, there's a- It's weird. And he's gonna have way more screen time than the young version of himself. So- Why don't you just get a different guy to play him when he was younger? That would have been the thing. Or the age of the old man. It probably would have been fine. So it would have been quick instead of doing all this, but yeah. So yeah, he does, it's a funny line here somewhere where he's just like, how did you lose? It's like, yeah, I know, right? Like, you fucked that up so hard. Oh, I found, so discussing film, Zack Snyder describes his director's cut of Rebel Moon Part One as a quote, completely different movie. He adds that he wanted the main film R-rated, but at this sort of scale and cost, you say it's not 100% responsible to have that demand. Well, that's not, Oppenheimer cost a hundred million dollars and it was R-rated. Deadpool 2 cost a hundred million dollars and it was R-rated. Joker was what, 50, 60 million dollars and that was R-rated. There are R-rated films that are expensive. He doesn't have any balls. But also the whole completely different movie. It's like, I don't buy that. Well, completely different. I buy the other story, which is that they're trying to recreate the memes. I think so. I think that's obvious, but I don't think it's gonna work. Everybody's tired of it. Everybody's fucking tired of hearing about it. I've been seeing a lot of people being like, oh no, the studio rude did it again, didn't they? Oh no, the bigger logger cuts, the better cut. Oh, it's like, ooh. Yep. The biggest thing, the most satisfying thing for me is the people have kind of died down defending the Snyder cut, which is like, oh, thank God. We're finally there. I think we're at a point, especially now that it's all done and over and we're starting again. It's like, okay, can we like... We can finally acknowledge, oh shit, the Snyder cut is. Let's try again, you know? Let's just try again. We're doing a new continuity. And also it's been real nice as well that there's much, much more like, can we get like a happy Superman? Can we get like a happy, optimistic Superman? No, that's lame and gay. We have to have an engey, broody Superman. No, but if there's like more people that's starting to get partial to that, more people want like, let's have a happy Superman. Well, more people seem to be coming around to the idea that, wow, Snyder fucked everything up for like a whole decade, damn. It seems like people like to fight about that, the argument being, oh, yeah, but they were making money when Snyder did this. Like they were making money when the perception wasn't like, it's worse yet. They were making money before it really set in of like, damn, man. I feel like it follows. It's the same as how the rise of Skywalker doing badly and solo failing are the consequence of TLJ. It just makes sense to me, you know? And plus Aquaman was, that was afterward and that made a billion dollars. So, you know, and Shazam was a lot of success. Aquaman made more fucking money than like, wait, any Snyder project, right? In terms of profit? Aquaman is the most successful DC film. And some people try to argue that's within his like pantheon or something. I mean, he was attached as a producer, but this was after Justice League come out. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like it doesn't feel like it should count as much at all. Well, I don't know. I feel like it's clear that it follows because DC's clown reputation doesn't exist in a vacuum beyond the early films. Like, the newer films certainly contribute to the cringe factor, but all the films certainly do as well. And again, Batman v Superman was not as successful as I wanted it to be, plain and simple. But yes, like, I don't think that the whole Snyder cut thing, because it was already annoying first time around, but like to try it again is just like, dude, come on. Really? Like you're trying to convince people that you didn't get to make the film that you wanted this time around? Come on. And yeah, there's nothing else to say about the movie other than Balasarius says, go get it. And he's like, okay. And then he screams at the camera and then it's like, all right, back for part two. We'll see how many people show up for part two. It's really bad. It's terrible. It's miserable. It's an awful movie. It's kind of offensive as well. Just like as a thing that exists in terms of just haplessly grabbing on and latching on to a lot of like elements that exist in other films and throwing them together without any semblance of coherency with a massive amount of money to bolster that vision. Oh yeah. Fuck me, fuck me a lot. I don't like this. Zack has seen movies before. He likes movies. Doesn't know how to make them. Don't know how to tell a story. Can't do it. He can't write a story. He can't make a movie. And yet somehow inexplicably, he's gotten to be in charge of all of these projects. Again, this is a dream project. Like it obviously is awful, but this is a dream project. You get as much money as you could reasonably ask for. He's at $84 million. To create a brand new science fiction universe with the promise of two films, like not just one, but two. And also the illusion of alluding to, yeah, you'll get to make more. We're planning to make this a series. This is like, again, it's so funny how it's the same fucking thing with like Dave Filoni. They both got handed a dream project and it was terrible. And this is not the first time Army of the Dead is also a dream project. Project. Look at the cost and like, look at the money you had as well as another one where you- Zombies in Vegas. It's the easiest thing ever. Future films and everything. And still, it's crazy. I don't get it. But hopefully this is the end in terms of like, you know, I'm just like, okay. Hopefully it has consequences. I don't know if we're going to be looking at a Wonder Woman 84, sorry, situation here, like in terms of career consequences. What's going to be really interesting because I get the impression maybe the first film will be considered a success by Netflix, but it's all going to be about the second one. How many people show up for the second one after giving the first one a shot? And the thing is a lot of people have already been trying the whole. The second one will answer a lot of your criticisms of like, this one was set up, okay? It was the first part of the second one, I have all the character stuff, it'll have all the action. And it's just like, the second one's probably going to be worse. Man, it's kind of weird. Fellowship did a lot of the character work and then that character work was followed through on in the subsequent films. It's weird how Fellowship did it, you know, being a great movie in and of itself. Do I mean, yeah, Fellowship's the favorite for us three of the trilogy. And it's arguably the set up one. It's like, yeah, sure, okay. If some, for whatever reason, a war broke out and only Fellowship of the Ring was released. Just consider how much is self-contained and how much it still sets up and how much we want to see more. It's the exact top child of fire, Rebellion. And it's two and a half hours long. That's a lot of time to get. It's a lot of time. You know, it was the longest Fellowship, but it's longer than most films. Most films don't get two and a half hours to tell their story and somehow manage to do it. And again, like how much have we actually gained about the world? We've gained basic information about it as well as a bunch of these planets that don't feel like they exist in the same universe where we met characters who did like an action scene or had a very short conversation and then joined the team and didn't say anything again. Like, surely this was the film to build character and then massively advance the plot more so in the second one, but we didn't build character. What could any of us curiously tell you about any of these characters? Really, what could I tell you about? You get a lateral move from nowhere to nowhere. We haven't set anything up to build up on. We're basically, it's just like we're in sci-fi world and some stuff's happening. There's good guys and bad guys and that's all that we have essentially to work with. We don't have any characters. What do you think the thing is? What is the theme? Do good things? What is the theme? Rebel against evil, yeah, rebel against like evil regime? Bad men are fight against bad people, be a hero. Like that's, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Except for the times when you stand idly by as people are in peril. Your past doesn't define you. Ironically, if she would have stood idly by while the woman was about to get taken to Rapeville and the barn, then the plot just wouldn't happen. It would have been bad, of course, but the village wouldn't be on the verge of extinction. It would, like realistically, by them doing that, the village gets destroyed in all of its people. Well, none of that ever gets, like, properly addressed, no consequence of any actions and everyone's just so weird and retarded and characterless all the same time that it's just really hard to stay invested at all. Well, the protagonist is insanely stupid. Like Kai, the pilot man who turns on him. In the way that she yells out in the bar. Like, remember that Kai openly says, no, I'll do it for free. Also, I am an opportunist and she tells him everything and he betrays them all. Is this the most straightforward shit ever? There's no subtlety at all. Like I said, I was so confused by what Zach was showing me. I just thought it was terrible, right? And that this is a character who just, yeah. Not the, because I know I said it, but like seriously, this is how it works. In fiction, I just assume the right is terrible, but in real life, if someone wants to help you a lot in a thing that is very much not beneficial to them and they're known to do things for money and they're just helping you out of the goodness of their heart. I mean, I wanna fuck you. You need to, yeah, you need to have a conversation. Oh, and we didn't talk about it much, but our lead actress is not very good. No, she's bad. Yeah, I think she's bad. Very, very bland, very dull performance. Obviously, Dave is going the best he can with the material that's available. Yeah, he's playing a pretty normal guy. The gladiator guy, Belle, got a chance to really play a character, but he's generally been- That's kind of all the characters, in fact. That's a lot of the characters for sure, yeah. I kind of like the actor who played the main bad guy. I kind of like, I don't know. Wait, what do you mean? I don't, like the character- The Francis or? Yeah, Francis. I mean, he was doing what he does, that actor with a role like that. What else could he do? That's the best he could do. The character is goofy and stupid, but like the performance was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He seemed to be getting into it, which is what you need. If you're gonna have a fucking character like that. But that's the problem. You'd be like, oh, I could buy maybe one of the higher ups, one of the characters being ridiculously evil and use their position because they're only there for the power and the manipulation of other people. But when you make it the entire faction, it's just like, whatever. It's like, no, we didn't- There's one guy who's nice. Except we don't see him for most of the film. He's barely there. Nope, gone. He'll be in the extended cut range, geez. But like, why wouldn't you take advantage of it? Show different dimensions of evil if you want to do that. You know, the different, like that you have- Evil be hunting- They did, Kai is an opportunist. He does things for money. He probably would say that. He'd be like, well, yeah, Francis was more calculating evil and then you had the soldiers who were just like insane psychopaths. You could have had it. I ran the whole gamut. You could have had it to where the empire essentially, the evil empire sets up the village to be prosperous, but they kinda lock them in to what they're doing to be like, okay, yeah, we're gonna give you all the grain and everything. We're gonna empower you to make all the grain and sell it to us. But that's what you have to do. You have to sell it to us and only us for this price. And it's a good price. We're buying your loyalty and you'd have mode off. Yeah, basically, yeah. And you have no option- And then this sort of underlying thing is like, you know, but if you refuse, it's gonna be really bad for you. Yeah, we'll destroy your town and kill people if you say no. I think the thing that would make particularly scary is if it was like just passionate. It's just like, yeah, we're just gonna wipe you out like it's nothing and everybody will go to sleep. You know, like kind of like- Yeah, we'll just replace you with new people and that'll be that. The perpetuation of evil is so like built into the system that it's like bureaucracy. Like it's just- Yeah, again, it shouldn't be Darth Vader that turns up. It should be randoms that are lower level and they do the nice, nice in front of everybody. And they're like, we wanna take you into a private meeting that go into his room and then they're like, so they show him a video of maybe when they've done it before. And they'll be like, this is you if you don't do everything I say. Or maybe they know that they sold it to the rebels but they're like, you know what? You're on this middle of nowhere planet. Yeah, you're on this middle of nowhere planet. We haven't been here yet. You need to make money, you sold to the rebels. You know what? We're willing to overlook that. You're trying- But here's the deal. Here's what's gonna happen from now on. Yeah, here's what's gonna happen from now on. And now that's how it is for him. And they live okay. They will set you up with an okay life. They'll do fine. But you have to do everything that we say. And the thing is- And the thing that is- It's not tolerated. Like in terms of if you have the village be occupied, it seems to me like the way that you would wanna do it is that maybe they will accept it at the beginning but then they keep pushing for a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more to eventually the people in the village realize it's like, dude, we're being like robbed of everything that we have. You know, like- Yeah. That it gradually pushes them over the edge. They can tolerate it. They can tolerate it. They can take it on the chin for a while but then it starts to get worse and worse and worse and then it's like, all right, dude, fuck this. We're instead of- Yeah, one of us is supposed to marry my daughter or one of the, or they're lowering the price. Like slowly but surely they lower the price that they have to pay. Or they're being mean to one of my neighbors but they're being nice to me. But my neighbor, you know, they're doing bad things to him and maybe I can, you know, like I can ignore it essentially. Like there's the gradual pushing them over the edge instead of as soon as they get there, they kill their leader and then a bunch of psychos just start like, like, it, there's no subtlety. You know, the blood axes- Yeah. What if the blood axes were hiding in that village? That could have been interesting. That could have been interesting. And they didn't even know, maybe it was a secret that- Like what if we didn't know until gradually moving forward? Cause they're there, you know, to treat us like the invading army there, like in terms of like, yeah, everything seems normal. They seem humble. Farmers, there's nothing really going on here. But gradually the story goes on. It gets more and more difficult to hide them until they are revealed. And then they shoot all of the other people here and then that causes a huge, you know. Well, yeah. Imagine the conflict in the village of some people being like, why, why, why couldn't you just be quiet? Why could, why did you have to get involved? Why didn't, why didn't you just leave it be and allow us to live peacefully instead of bringing us into it? And then you can have the debates about, you know, when do you need to get involved? What can you, when is it necessary? Like these are just like elements to make it a little bit more interesting. You would think would be explored, but instead it's like the most surface-level story ever. And that's when stuff is even happening. And I'm totally on board, like it would be fun to, if we had a, we were like, we're gonna have seven. So let's try and get a different motivation for all of them. One of them wants, you know, a particular material that you have access to, or at least you've made a deal to have. One of them obviously just wants money. One of them is very invested in the cause. One of them fucking, you know, had a huge life that involves all kinds of death and destruction and doesn't believe in anything anymore. Yeah, just get all these different kinds of people for all these different, but no, we can't do that. We just have characters that like, you know, they have quote unquote backstories, but they're as bad as one line. And then that's that. And that's the whole character, the whole fucking movie. And then they don't say anything for the rest of the film. It's like, yeah, but don't worry. We get to watch him fucking tame a griffin. We get to watch the other person kill a giant spider. Is it just amazing and magical? Look, Terry's learning how to play Quidditch. You know, there's gotta be a cut scene for the gladiator stuff, right? Do they watch him win a, you know, gladiatorial fucking tournament or something? Cause yeah, they just arrive and get him and that's it. They just, they just show up. He's a drunk loser. They say fight for us. And he's a no, and they said, no, but really. And he says, yes. And then they leave. And that's it. There's no gladiator fight. Put into the environment and everything and all of that that you have to create for something that small. That's why I don't really want to watch it. But I guess I do have some level of curiosity about this extended cut just to see like what the film is supposed to be according to Zach, you know? Yeah, yeah. And that's, and how different is it really? You know, when we realize again, like the Josh scene. I think it'll be worse. It'll probably be worse. Cause when more of Zach means more time from the contradict himself. Oh yeah, he'll add more content and context, but all of that content and context will be really bad and will contradict things that have otherwise been set up. Like we don't know if, like most of the characters, we don't know if they're bad or not cause we don't know anything about them. They're not anything yet. Yeah, they're not characters. They're just sort of people who have a few lines but we don't even know if they're good or not. In the promo for rebel moon part two, the scar giver, it shows all of their histories and flashbacks in the trailer. So I wonder if they're gonna say that with dialogue over it, is that having a conversation with someone else and just like. I'm at the point that I believe like, she'll be like, let us get to know each other. You, what happened to you? Oh man, let me tell you. That was bad. And then they just explain the whole thing and then it's like, wow, that's a really crazy thing. And then another guy goes, oh yeah, you think that's bad? And then he explains his back story. And then this was like, you think that's bad? Oh, you think that's bad? And then they're like, yeah, get that story out in a half hour. All the back stories done. This is character. It's already been like, Zach, you must have seen movies. It's funny because a lot of people say door to the dead is one of his better films. He didn't write it. But he directed scripts that are considered competent and he learned nothing? Well, I mean, it's interesting, right? Because the last, aside from army of the dead, the last original thing he did was sucker punch. And it's like, was sucker punch was also a bunch of other things like iconography and elements and ideas from other films like thrown together haplessly into a blender. Yeah, it's the daydream. It's the daydream that he brought to life, but it's not, it's just a bunch of random little, it's a bunch of random thoughts that are just sort of strung together haplessly. When it's based on something that someone else made, it's like, well, then it starts to gain elements of the coherency of that other work. It just manages to be a part of it, right? Which, again, it's just interesting to think about, isn't it? And the conclusion is just unbefucking livable levels of opportunities that he's wasted again and again and again. Yep, it's just, again, like, what, $150 million? Two movies guaranteed. $166 million for the two movies, yeah. So, like, basically all the money that you need for whatever you want. That's just, you just do whatever essentially. Yeah, you can ask for more money. You couldn't reasonably ask for more money. Yeah, there's no way that if you're, that's the kind of money where at that point, if you feel like you need more money, then you're just being silly. Like, what could you, what could, what story could you possibly want to tell that requires more money? The grand space epic opera, The Marvels, because it costs more than that. The Marvels culture. At that point I'm like, why aren't you just making an animated movie that has everything you need? I'm surprised he didn't make his own superheroes considering his fan base would have been much more inclined to support his work, if it was just a superhero. That's the really weird thing about, like, the sort of the, I guess, the Snyder fan base as it exists now is it's like, it's really fans of Zack Snyder working on DC characters specifically that it doesn't seem to translate really as much to other things. It's like, they're particularly interested in what Zack Snyder wants to do with Superman and Batman and Darkseid and stuff. But like, if it's his original things and nobody's is interested, it's kind of fascinating compared to the way that it typically works, where it's like, oh, I'll watch anything that director makes, you know? Whatever they're doing is interesting to me, you know? Like you'd watch any film Tarantino makes, regardless of like where it's set, you know, what the general objectives are, or, you know, Flanagan. It's so funny to compare, as like Flanagan comes out with literally anything and we're like, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Zack Snyder comes out like, oh, God, here we go. Here we go again. And yeah, Rebel Moon is quite, it's just as Zack Snyder film. It really is through and through. I think it's like, I feel it's a good example of what happens when you basically give him free reigns to do whatever he wants. It's like, oh, Rebel Moon is what you get. Terrible. And I genuinely think this is people starting to notice like that is the case. This is not someone you can rely on for great storytelling. It's over, it's over, it's over. That should have been apparent with his many films that he's already made, but if it happens now, then that's okay, because I don't know. I'm getting tired and he's like, it's so crap. What's the thing, if you remember when we did try and do the DC arc, I was like, Man of Steel, I think I remember being like, you know, this stuff in there that works. And then it was like, holy shit, this is one of the worst fucking movies I've ever seen. Yeah, if you rewatch it and you're like, oh my God. Maskering the children or the baby or the embryos, that was whoof. Ripped on how to chance, all right. It really did, yeah, so I'm done with that. Ripped on how to chance. Well, that's Zack Snyder's Rebel Moon, Can't Wait for Part Two, where it's gonna contextualize everything and make everything better and not be hyper dumb and cringe with action scenes that everyone hates, no characters in a world that makes no fucking sense at all, that just feels like it's copied and pasted, bunch of random shit from everybody else. No, it won't be that at all. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be really good. This'll be the good one, guys. I've already got a pretty bad reputation. I think that time is only going to murder this thing because not only do people, will they more and more realize it's bad, nobody's gonna talk about it. That's the big thing that's gonna hurt it is that nobody's gonna have anything to say about it. So one instance of with time going on, people were like, you know, it's actually like kind of underrated. It's kind of the same thing that's probably will happen with the Marvels, which is that it's never gonna recover. There will never be a point when people go, you know, people were too harsh when it came out. I was like, no, no, it's just terrible. Like Zach was lucky with Army of the Dead not ruining his reputation, but this seems to be doing it. That was coming out around the same, it was coming around at the same time as the Snyder Cut. So I feel like that massively overshadowed it. Whereas in this case, this is just him standing on his own, creating like a new original science fiction world. And it was hyped up and people were like, oh yeah, I'm looking forward to all the trailers. It looks neat. It's like. It's too late now. You can see it all. This is it. One of the worst movies of the year. It was legitimately miserable to watch. It sucked. And it was, all it was, was just a terrible version of movies that we'd seen before. Yeah, we'll run to one. This will be arriving on the Mula channel before the New Year's episode in which we will talk about the year in its past and you know, what you guys should totally check out. What you fucking definitely shouldn't. Like this. But hey, if you're curious and you have some kind of substance and friends, I guess you could do that. Because there's some stuff to really laugh at. But I don't know if it's worth the full runtime. On that note, goodbye everyone. Yeah, goodbye everyone. Yes, see you everybody. Bye-bye. Goodbye. Toodaloo.