 Harry Show brought to you by the United States Army and the United States Air Force recruiting service. That's right, it is, fellas. S. Vandenberg, chief of staff of your United States Air Force, said in a recent magazine article, air power alone does not guarantee America's security, but I believe it best exploits the nation's greatest asset, our technological skill. Your United States Air Force, in order to keep winning, needs men who have technical skills. Veterans trained in any service, veterans with needed skills in such fields as radio, radar, weather, maintenance, and many others. You veterans who have such needed skills, if qualified, can now enlist in your Air Force, get back your old grade or better, skip basic training, and get your initial assignment to a nearby Air Force base. So take a look at the list of technical skills needed and find your spot in the Air Force by visiting your nearest United States Army and United States Air Force recruiting station tomorrow. You'll be glad you did, because your Air Force is a great outfit. One you'll be proud to serve in. And now, Harold Perry, as Honest Harold, the homemaker. Once upon a time there lived an awfully nice fellow named Honest Harold, that's me, and he had a sweetheart named Flora Belle Breckenridge. Pretty. One day Flora Belle moved to the neighboring town of Charleville, where she became engaged to Willis, a big green merchant. Oh, he was bigger than that. Last week she came back to Melrose Springs on a visit, and who did she run into? But Honest Harold. That's me again. Well, Harold acted just like a brother to Flora Belle, but Willis misunderstood and became very jealous. So Flora Belle broke her engagement with Willis, and Willis threatened to come over and break Harold in two. Sounds bad, doesn't it? This evening now, and Honest Harold is nervously pacing up and down his living room, wearing out Mother's Congolium. I wonder when Willis is coming, for all I know he might be in town right now, lurking around outside. He could come in the back door, hide behind the laundry tubs, then sneak up behind me and... Hello, Harold. Oh, it's you, Mother. Why, what's the matter, son? Nothing. You seem a little nervous tonight. Nervous? Not at all. Why, do you keep looking out the window, Harold? Are you expecting someone? Well, a fellow might pay me a little visit. Maybe he won't be able to find the house. Shall I turn on the porch light? Yeah, no, Mother. I mean, you find it all right. I'm afraid. Well, I've finished the dishes. I think I'll sit down and read a while. Oh, still reading that same book, Mother? Crochet Your Way to Happiness? No, I've finished that. I'm reading a murder mystery magazine. A murder mystery magazine? Yes. I got it at the drug store yesterday. The story I'm reading is about a rejected suitor. He murders the man who stole his sweetheart. It's called, uh, My Body Lies Over the Highway. I don't know how they think of those titles. I do. But it's very exciting. Would you like to hear a little of it, Harold? Well, I... It was a dark, moonless night. And Fenwick, he was the rejected suitor, Harold. Fenwick stalked his prey relentlessly. Uh, Mother? He was determined to kill the man who had stolen his loved one, a man who was known as Archibald. Archibald could be me. Archibald awaited the killers coming fearfully, trembling, and the only sound in his room was the ticking of the clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Sounds like Mother needs winding. Suddenly, Archibald heard a noise. And then his door opened slowly, slowly, slowly. And there he stood. Who, Mother? I don't know. It says continued next week. Oh, my goodness. I guess we'll just have to wait. The magazine will be out around next Wednesday. I hope I'm still around next Wednesday. Certainly didn't get much sleep last night. Well, things don't seem so bad in the daytime, though. After all, why should I be scared of Willis? Let him come. I can take care of myself. I'll look him right in the eye and say... Oh, Doc. What's the idea of sneaking up on me like that, you old horse doctor? Oh, sorry, Herr. I'm wearing my surgical sneakers today. I guess you're pretty nervous these days. What? It must be awful to walk down the street and never know when sudden death will strike. Doc, please. Figure speech, Herr. Matter of fact, you don't have to be afraid of Willis. You can be ready for him if you just take my advice. Uh-huh. What's that? Just answer this ad, Herr. I cut it out of a magazine last night. Let me see. Men and women learn jiu-jitsu by male. Oh, my goodness. Oh, it comes in very handy, Herr. See what it says? Learn to disarm burglars, surprise bullies with your strength, protect yourself against mashers at the movies. Mashers at the movies. And, of course, only takes eight weeks, Herr. That's wonderful. I could study it in the ambulance coming home. Thank you very much, Doc. That's all right, Herr. When you're in trouble, you can always count on Doc Yancey. Yeah, for more trouble. Yes, sir. He's Johnny on the spot when you need him. All right, Doc. When you're lost on the desert without water, who comes right into the rescue on a camel? Rudolph Valentino. I'll see you on the desert, Rudy, where you're surgical sneaker. So I'll know you. Yeah, you'll be shy, Herr. Oh, Doc Yac-Yac in his jiu-jitsu. Wonder when Willis is going to show up. It's getting to be a war of nerves. Wish I could declare myself an open city. Better stay away from Flora Belle that we get this thing settled. Maybe if I can just see Willis alone, we can arbitrate this thing. Oh, Judgey Ro! Oh, God, it's Flora Belle. I better get out of here. She's right on my heels. Herr, what do you call me? Gaining on me. Hot of breath already. I have to cut out those banana splits. I can just make it to the YMCA. Darn it, the only single in town that had a change on me. Herr, are you trying to run away from me? Run away? No. I believe you will. And that's not very nice after I broke my engagement with Willis on account of you. Well, you see. Acting this way after all we meant to each other. Remember when you wrote my memory book yours till Niagara falls? Well, yes. Are they still falling how? I'll go see. Goodbye. Well, you're not worried about Willis coming here, are you? Worried? Of course not. Well, I guess I never should have come back into your life. But I was drawn like a bee to a flower. Yeah, well, in Flora Belle. Oh, don't fight it, Herr. It's bigger than both of us. Yeah, but so is Willis. Well, if I can forget Willis, what? Herr, I just looked at the almanac and you know something. There's a moon out tonight. I think there's a moon out tonight, too. Oh, it would be nice to go riding. Visit all our old spots and park in the dark. Park in, well. How about it, Tessie Roll? I'd love to go for driving your car. Driving my car? Sure, I'll be busy, but here are the keys. Drive any place you want to. Car's kind of hard to start, though. Give it plenty of choke. And don't ride the clutch. Goodbye. I'll connect you. Hey, Gloria. Oh, Harold, there was a man here looking for you. What? What did he look like, Gloria? Well, he was tall, had big, broad shoulders. Was his name Willis Cider? No, it was Percy Jones. Oh, well, who's he? An insurance salesman. He said you might be interested in his hospital insurance. Hospital insurance? That's ridiculous, Gloria. Who gave him my name? Willis Cider. Zeef. Here's his card. It's awfully clever. For broken bones, he Percy Jones. Gloria, you're making that up. No, I'm not. And he left this booklet for you. How to be happy though hospitalized. She didn't make that up. See you later, Gloria. I'll be in my office. Imagine that Willis sending that insurance man to see me. Suppose he thinks that'll intimidate me. Well, it does a little. Maybe I'd better lock the door. Just forget all about Willis. Line up my program for this morning. Let's see here. It's the first number on the list. I'll be glad when you're dead, you rascal. You better change that. See, I'll use I'll never be the same. Wow. It's no good either. Who's that? Hello? Yes, Gloria. Charlieville. Wait. Who's calling please? This is Willis Cider. Hello, Willis. How's your friend Percy Jones? Never mind him. Okay, we'll skip him. Nice of you to call, Willis. How about having lunch together sometime? I'll have lunch with you all right now. Settle your hash. Lunch? Settle that. Hey, that's very clever, Willis. I thought so too, Harold. Gloria, get off the line. You know that I plan to come over there, punch you in the nose and wipe up the street with you. Is that a threat? Yes. Well, it's a pretty good one. Don't worry, I will. Willis, when do you expect to come today? No, in three years. What? I'm enlisting in the Air Force today. Air Force? Oh, well, I'll see you in three years, Willis. Roger. We'll come over and out. Goodbye. Off we go into the wild blue yonder. Are you comfy, Flora Bell? Mm-hmm. I could ride like this forever. Well, I'm afraid this 36S6 won't last that long. Yeah, this is fun, Flora Bell. Just like old times, driving with one arm around you, you shifting gears. Yes, maybe we ought to stop a while and give the car a rest. Ah, good idea. Yeah, as he has been a little run down lately, been coughing a lot in the morning. Well, we stopped, Harold, right in back of our old high school. Yeah, in the same old crickets. Mm-hmm. What's that wonderful perfume in the air? Winter blooming jasmine? No, that's oil of wintergreen, we're parked behind the gymnasium. What? Well, this morning I thought you were afraid to see me on account of Willis. Afraid? No. As a matter of fact, I think little old Willis is a pretty nice fellow. Oh, I'm glad. He just called me this evening and told me about enlisting in the Air Force. Oh, he did? He felt awful bad. They wouldn't take him. Wouldn't take him? Oh, no, poor Mayan. He couldn't pass the physical. Oh, well, what am I worried about? He's probably a physical wreck. They said they couldn't use him in the Air Force. He was too big. Oh. And Willis told me to tell you he'd see you tomorrow. Zoink. I'm going home and call Percy Jones about his happy hospitalization. Return for the second act of our story, Honest Harold, in just a moment. Here's a special note for the women. That list of the best dressed women in America hasn't come out yet, but we can tell you right now that one girl is sure to be on any such list. She's the smartest woman of the year or any other year. She's the girl in that new Air Force blue uniform worn by the women in the Air Force, but that girl in the WAF uniform is smart in another way too. May be a better way if you like. She's found a good career in a great outfit, working on equal terms with men of the great Air Force and hundreds of interesting, challenging jobs. She's found a service in which the way is open to the top by means of officer candidate schools that produce smart WAF officers. What's more, many girls with college degrees are coming into the WAF to go directly to officer candidate school and win commissions. Another way of being smart. How about you? Can you qualify? If you're between 18 and 34, ask your nearest United States Army and United States Air Force recruiting station for the details tomorrow. And now back to Harold Perry as honest Harold the homemaker. Well it's a chill windy day in Melrose Springs. The skies are ash and gray and honest Harold is a little gray himself as we find him on his way to the Melrose Springs police station. Gosh, I don't know when Willis is gonna spring out at me. The lad will have tracked me down anytime. I feel like a cornered caribou. This is the right thing to do all right. I'll see Pete the Marshal. I'll demand protection. Sure. Pete, I want to talk to you. What a police force. What can I do for you boy? Well you can wake up first. Okay Harold. Pete, I'm a taxpayer and I demand protection. Boy, if you're a taxpayer these days you need protection. Pete, Flora Bell's fiance is after me. What's the matter? He want to marry you too? Another doozy boy. Look Pete, this is a serious matter. This fellow is threatening me with bodily harm and you've got to do something about it. Okay, first I got to fill out a form. Oh, you guys. Let me see here now. First question. How was victim injured? What? Gunshot, stabbing or miscellaneous. Pete, for heaven's sake, I haven't been injured yet. Oh, that's too bad Harold. What? I can't do a thing until after the assault and battery has taken place. Well, you're a big help. Sure Harold. I'd do it for anybody. I'm wasting my time here. I'm going to dump your mac and on boy. I just got an idea. What's that? What you need is that bodyguard. You said it. And I got just the man for you. Nephew of mine got in town last night. Look Pete, I don't want any of your sleeping relatives. I want somebody big and tough. Harold, he's from Texas. Oh, he's? Yep. Used to be one of them Texas Ranger. Really? Well, I guess he's one of those big tall fellas. Well, he slept in my room last night. That is, he was in my room. His feet was out on the screen porch. Hey, sounds like just the thing. Pete, he's hired. Who's afraid of Willis? Tell Tex to meet me tonight over at the ranch house partner. Yee-hoo! To meet love and say, well, I'm a long and dear. But I'll have a wonderful time with Flora Belle tonight, dancing at the Antler Hotel in the moose room. I won't have to worry about a thing with Pete's nephew guarding me. Pete's from Texas. You ought to feel at home in the moose room. Yes, that's my Texas Ranger now. Let's have a look at this big, tough hombre. Good evening, sir. Oh, my goodness. Are you Pete's nephew? Yes, or my name is Virgil. Uncle Pete said you wanted a bodyguard. I am Pete. What a tall, skinny kid. Looks like an anemic semaphore signal. Come in, Virgil. Thank you, sir. Ah, shucks, I've bumped my head again. Eyes open. Yeah, yeah. Sit down, Virgil. Thank you, sir. Sits down in sections. Virgil, you can take off your guns if you're uncomfortable. Oh, shucks, I never carry a gun. Why, it might go off. What? But Pete said you were a Texas Ranger. Oh, I was, sir. When I was 12, I belonged to the junior ranger. What? I was in the coyote patrol. Mind me a boonman row. Look, Virgil, did your uncle Pete explain you were supposed to guard me tonight? Oh, yes, sir. Well, he is certainly tall, but you don't look very strong. Well, I was pretty athletic in high school. I was on the basketball team for a while, but I had to quit. Oh. My head kept getting stuck in the hoop. Probably still wearing it under that hat. Well, come on, Virgil. I have to pick up my date and then we're going dancing. Oh, good. Nice of you to ask me, sir. I'm kind of good at the one step. Yeah, Virgil, Flora Bell and I are going to do the dancing. You're supposed to stay outside and guard me. Oh, I get it. I doubt it. Hey, I think I'm going to like this job. Mr. Hemp, I might stay here and work for you permanent over my dead body. What am I saying? Come on, Virgil, and watch out for that door jam. Nice. I've never seen the moose room looking so lovely. Yeah, it's a cute idea putting that neon nose on that stuffed moose. And it's so cozy here in this little booth, just the two of us. Yeah, I hope it stays the two of us. Oh, you don't have to worry. Willis will never get past Virgil. He won't have to go past him. He can walk right under his legs. Besides, it's getting late. Looks like Willis won't come at all. Yeah, maybe you're right. You know, Harold, you've hardly looked at me all evening. It's not very flattering. Well, you do look awfully pretty in your off the shoulder. Oh, thank you, sir. You know, if you would lean over this table, I might reward you with a little kiss. I might just do that. I'll be right over. Just wait till I move this Dr. Pepper bottle out of the way. I'm waiting. Here I come. Pardon me, sir. Kevin's safe. What is it, Virgil? Hello, Virgil. Evening, man. Virgil, what are you doing in here? Well, I got kind of hungry outside. So I came in the moose room and got me a moose burger. Oh, that was a doozy. Oh, goodness. The doozy's running the family. Okay, Virgil, you've got your sandwich. Now will you get out of here and watch out for that? See, that music's kind of pretty, ain't it, ma'am? Yes. I don't suppose you'd care to have this dance with me. What? I'd be delighted to, Virgil. Look, you're supposed to be guarding me. Oh, well, just one little old dance. Poor boy's been standing out there in the cold. But if Willis comes in, you just call me, sir. Oh. And, sir? Yes. Would you mind holding my moose burger? I'll show you the Texas Waddle. Dallas, Houston, San Antone. Clang here, partners. Don't get thrown. Texas Waddle. Willis could walk right in here. What a bodyguard. Better keep Waddle. Watch myself. They could peek out in the lobby. I think I'll hide behind that potted palm in the corner. Nobody can see me from here. Oh, good evening, sir. Good evening. I didn't see you back here. Well, I'm watching for somebody. Oh, so am I. Pretty good place to hide, isn't it? Oh, it sure is. Big boob I'm looking for. Could walk right in and never know I was back here. Same here. Who you waiting for? Some double crossing dude that stole my gal. His name is Harold Hemp. I need him. I'm going to pull this hemp apart strand by strand. That's good. I think of this love thief breaking up my romance. I get so mad I could. Sounds like you could, too. Got to be going. I hope you find him, Willis. Just a minute. How did you know my name was Willis? Well, your laundry market. Did I say Willis? I thought I heard that voice before. You're Harold Hemp. I am. How do you do, Willis? I'm going to break you in two. You've got to catch me first. Hey. Hey, Hemp, where are you? Here I am on the other side of the palm tree. Hello. You're not going to get away from me, you corny little radio crooner. You small town sanatra. Oh. That did it. I could be pushed just so far, Willis. We'll settle this thing man to man right now. That suits me. Unless you want to wait eight weeks while I take a Jiu-Jitsu course. Disregard that, Willis. You may be bigger than I am, but I'm not going down without a fight. I can't help with the flora bell. It prefers me to you. There's nothing you can do about it. Oh, yes, there is. You come out of here. I'm going to take you and... Saved by the bell. Flora, that is. Oh, Willis Cider. Are you and Harold getting to be child? I hate him. Likewise. Well, isn't that cute? Flora Bell, you're going to have to make a choice between us right here and now. Yes, right here and now. Willis, coin your own phrases. Willis, though I can't be engaged to you anymore, you'll always be one of my dearest, dearest friends. Yeah, yeah. You see, Willis? And Harold. Yes, Angel Puss? Would it be all right if you and I just went steady every other Saturday night? Ha. You're not doing so well either, Hampton. You see, Virgil has invited me to a bond dance this Saturday night, and he's just so cute, I couldn't say no. You do understand, Harold. Oh, sure. Mr. Hampton, sir. What do you want, Virgil? Your bodyguard reporting. Haven't seen Willis yet. Fine, but don't you worry. Willis won't get by me. He could bite him, and he'd never know it. Oh, will you excuse us, gentlemen? Come on, Virgil. Let's get back and try that Texas waddle again. All right. You're doing just fine. Houston, Dallas, San Antonio. Willis? Yes, Harold. Can I come out now? Sure. Pal. Thanks. Flora Bell, the wonderful girl, but a little fickle. Yeah. Wonderful girl, but a little fickle. Come on, Willis. I'll buy you mooseburger. I'll eat Virgil's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. General Hoyt S. Vandenberg, chief of staff of your United States Air Force, recently had this to say about the mission of the Air Force. I quote, the overriding purpose of every plane, whether it is a bomber or a fighter, is to win the air battle on which final victory is predicated. Let's think about that for a moment. That sentence means, above all, that your United States Air Force needs only the best qualified young men, men with the skills necessary to keep your Air Force winning. That's why it isn't easy to qualify for your modern United States Air Force. That's why your Air Force is now making a special offer to the trained veterans of any service who've proved that they can qualify as men of skill and courage. If you're a veteran, trained in a needed specialist skill, you can, if qualified, enlist in the Air Force, get your old grade back or better, skip basic training, and get your initial assignment to a nearby Air Force base. You trained veterans, go to your nearest United States Army and United States Air Force Recruiting Station tomorrow, and get details. You have just heard the Harold Perry show, Honest Harold. Yeah, that's me. The supporting players tonight included Jane Morgan, as Mother Hemp, Harley Bayer, as Pete DeMarcel, Shirley Mitchell, as Flora Bell, Life Erickson, as Willis, Bob Easton, as Virgil, and featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak. Yes, yes. Norman McDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Yasha. The Honest Harold created by Harold Perry was written by Gene Stone, Jack Robinson, and Dick Powell. Yes, an important name. The Harold Perry show has been brought to you by the United States Army and the United States Air Force Recruiting Service. That is, fellas. Visit your nearest Recruiting Station tomorrow, Bob LeMond speaking. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.