 Well, thank you and welcome back Next on stage is Birkut Olsson Her talk is about how mental health can affect your creativity I've known Birkut for quite some time. At one point she was even my colleague She's a mama five grandmother of one It's your first time in Etrecht. Yes. You didn't do any sightseeing You're not going to either She collects word camp mocks and Her family rolls her eyes at her every time she comes back and has a new one The favorite one is one from 2015. Is it really still? There the one from Berlin, right? Okay Don't break them So give everyone welcome applause to Birkut. Good morning. Are you still awake? Yeah, we had some great talks before this morning Chris Ligman hold the keynote. I know you are Mostly I can imagine Frustrated about the current state of work press may be I Can tell you don't don't bring yourself into deep frustration Try to be creative with kind of adventure and Yeah, as Karen introduced me I Am a mom of five children This not enough. I try to contribute to work press over several years. I Call myself or I get known as Wordpress and WordCamp veteran So I'm not the grumpy old woman like Ryan Yeah, I'm Chubby girl of the wordpress community and today I would like to Share a little bit about my own experience with mental health and what effects have mental health I Was trained as a life coach because Of my own experience and I have a big interest in art also in psychology and my first question to you is Karen I have it what do you mean? I Would like to ask you what if someone knows what this kind of freaky stuff is Does someone knows it? Except Karen, you know it No, okay, the fancy stuff is Helping people with Disabilities to put on socks on your feet You roll up the sock on the top and switch your food into it to Get your socks on your feet because people like me we can Reach our feet because of some physical disabilities But what does it happen to be with? Creativity Wordpress. I Can't take later to that um Why we are here's we are talking about Creativity, but what is creativity for you? um Creativity is an expression of yourself and it is really important that you Be aware of yourself and know and treat yourself as an individual you are individual and You are maybe struggling with your your expression as yourself um to tell a little bit about me about this topic I Was grown on the countryside on a farm and I wasn't really accepted in my school with my classmates because I was different. I am always a person with different. I don't fit in any Structure or something like that because yeah, that's um really hard when you are in the age of nine and people are Ignoring you because you are different and you have greater ideas and Yeah, that was the first time when I struggled with kind of Mental issues because I was really early in my young depressed about Okay, who am I who am I why they are treating me like they are Begging me and Mobbing it's Better word I guess So yeah, there are different ways into my youth and trying to find myself But it didn't work really well And then I got married and then then I got pregnant or Otherwise I got pregnant and then I'm married because I thought it had to be married and my husband was Mostly on the road as a truck driver. So I was mostly alone with my kids And you may ask you okay. He is never at home or at least some days in a week Why the heck did they get five children together? So My husband told you're mostly I Was at home at the d-day Okay Yeah, we managed to get five kids, but in some case I learned about I want to express myself more and and Bring my creativity into the world But it's a stay-at-home mom or I worked at least a lot with my mom's Restaurant and I had my hobby building websites I don't know for you of you know the software net objects fusion Are there some people in this room? Okay, I'm really an old person Um, yeah, there I had my my first experience building websites Scratching them and so I learned a little bit about How it works in the world and this is what I did in the evenings when my kids are we're in bed and Someday I found about WordPress. I I did a little bit with some kind of Scripts like B2Coffee log and then I saw open WordPress interesting But in the first version it wasn't really so interesting to building website was it was blogging? Blogging I don't want to blog. I want to build websites and I want to build website with my clients and in 2005 I got seven ployed and Yeah And I got some jobs at a tunnel to work camps and I got WordPress related jobs and I got Unboarded into the word press community I worked for an agency in Germany who maintain the translations for the German WordPress community and my first task as an employee was to maintain this translation and Formal version and then in form of you are talking about two kind twice translating repress and So I managed to translate WordPress. I guess so which was 3.5 was about 4000 4000 strings to translate I have to do by myself Wasn't really funny took a while, but yeah, I managed it Yeah, and so I was always asking myself how where I am I who am I in this Work in this community because I'm not a developer. I'm not so deep in code like Chris or you in the audience Neither I'm a designer. So I didn't fit any place into companies classic jobs So that I was I need to find myself What are my talents? Who am I and which kind can I fit into and Through my education as a life coach alone about the big five Big five is called the personality traits You can call it also the ocean. That's why I choose the theme on my slides The first is in the ocean the openness the openness is your experience and to that describes your deepness and club flexibility of your mental health of your your your mind how you are thinking and how open you are to new kind of expirations and adventures and then The conscience to miss is a bird icon. It's not really good it is a trait that can you describe as a tendency to control your impulses and also to act social and social accepted Because as you know on a red camp you as an attendee assigned that you are Aware about the code of conduct and are you are nice to your people around you and This is this trait which moves forward for that and also your behaviors and how to facilitate your own Good direction everything what is accepted and they In the world Then is there the part of extroversion is How are you going outside or inside you know who from you is more introvert Yeah You have also an extroversion. So extroversion But you have other ways to to show it. So and everyone is going how to deal with your own energy level So that is important that you know yourself Where are you energy levels and what sucks the energy and what brings you the energy? So if you find this for you, then you have your extroversion and The next part is the agree ableness How you are going to agree with concerns around you and how you orientate yourself into the Community you are and also the neuro tick system Neurotic, I don't know who saw the film with Forget it There is so many great films to show how people are neurotic But it's also being confident with yourself and loving yourself and your own body Especially for me. I'm a person who's not in the ideal model Measurement But I have to feel confident with me and accept myself and that why I'm here and That's why it's important to learn your five big five It helps you to learn about yourself About your unique personality Everyone in this room has a unique personality and that is the first step to leverage also your strengths and find about your weakness and Take a balance into your daily business and daily work Yeah, but Even if you found out about your own big five I found about myself and I found out that I don't fit any in big companies setting daily community going daily on offers and Fix structures, I need my my creative space I have to I need to go to a cafe and riding there and sitting on my balcony and so that's the place where I sometimes maybe Lost my jobs because I didn't fit ready well in some concepts of companies, so I decided to Go self-employed full-time But if you have five kids and three youngers are living with me at home You have a responsibility to fill your fridge. It's not always easy but yeah, I learned about at life sucks sometimes Especially when you are a creative person who don't fit in the normal stuff The chances to get depressed or get some mental disorders is really good. I can recommend it not But on one point in my life I decided to Quit my marriage and leave my husband with my kids because the situation wasn't really good because he was a whole week away in his truck and I was going and moving forward learning new skills and but the communication wasn't really good and so I decided to Get into a new adventure So and I had to fight about my kids rights and my husband wasn't really Amused about the fact that I wanted to leave him so the couple years after the decision Wasn't great was really worse for me. I Had to fight for my kids. I had a budget about five six hundred euros per month to pay my bills to fill the fridge I had no car and Then I got ill also what it makes not really easy to work and get some income Yeah But as you see good news, I managed to come out of the situation. So It worked sometimes. Yeah But it is really important to Show also vulnerability and ask for help because when you are able to ask for help, it is not a sign of Sucking and not dealing with something it is a show of your strength Because when you are aware you need help you can't figure out it by yourself It's the best part what you can do Ask for help Because your individuality makes a difference I think every one of you know some artists like Fango our Einstein as a great mind and also Robin Williams the actor What every one of them had also mental disorders of depression schizophrenia, etc and Yeah But they did great work and The researches show that there is a link or maybe a link between creativity and creative posters and mental disorders So it may be can be that the link is there It can help creativity can help or make vulnerable to mental disorders Like I described by myself when you don't fit in any complex systems and feel also Pressure and can't express yourself and your creativity. It can make you really frustrated and depressed But also mental disorders may help one person to be creative Let's take the example with Vincent Fagot He painted his image with the sunflowers. I guess you can remember after a big phase of Mental disorders and when you cut off his ear because of his Process around but he created a great artwork which lost over several Decades and you are sitting here and you know the person But this expression was about mental disorders So it's not my recommendation to cut off your ear to get known as a creative person but maybe it is and Helping that you will find your own way to be creative you can be creative when you are writing code You can be creating writing articles. You can be creative Designing it's a visual part of the creativity, but also you can be creative in your Workflow on daily basis When you you're fitting figuring out that your workflow is not fitting to your personality Then change it So when you don't have a chance to change your environment, then maybe you can change your own view on this workflow Yeah, there are some links there are many research around that But for me it is important to to express it there's a big chance to to Explore the personality of yourself or myself To bring it on the on the street I call it like to say to bring the tires on the on the street and move forward What I learned about my situation Was yeah, life sucks, but if you take small steps on every day I had some mental issues not only mental issues, but I have physical issues because I have Both hips are not in the best shape I had and They're not fitting right in the position and so this I have Hypertroosis since the age of 15 so That's makes difficult for me to walk long distances or Stand long time This is what something that makes frustrating because you can't work you won't explore the world you want to make a Visiting and going through Uche to see stuff. I can't do so it's sometimes frustrating But I accepted my situation But some years ago. It's not too long. I guess two years and situation that I got an infection which Sucks all energy of me and I couldn't go out of bed Not of mental issues, but I was totally fatigued I had no energy to to move from the bed and go to the bathroom or Cooking or getting outside of the door no way and There had some situation where I decided hmm. I thought about okay, Mike's this life sense and the situation But as I said asking for help I found help with a good Natural practitioner who figured out where the infection come from And we found our ways how to get out of it But there was also my financial situation through getting job losing job getting job losing job Um, so it was really difficult to stay on track with different tasks. I have to do so I Went forward to get more healthy. I went forward to get jobs, but I didn't had enough budget to visit word camps something. I love doing since 2010 and And Yeah, then was red camp Europe in Paris and I couldn't go there because my budget said no no way you can't go Because it's really expensive. It's not so far away from hometown, but it's really a bit expensive to stay etc And then I asked on Twitter or I just shared my Situation and said okay, if there is a wonder happening that I can go to Paris and someone finds a Room or something for me. I would like to go and then the big miracle happened and Good friend of mine of the German workers community had a spare room. He had a double Overbooked room in a hotel and he offered me his room for free and He offered me also to bring me by car to Paris. We met each other on a Milan the street And then we went to Paris and at this time I Were suffering from the infection and I went through the word camp venue was two sticks and try to Get move forward and people who knows me a long time saw me Trying to walk But this event that and the generosity I learned about that helped me a lot to get a Motivated to move forward and get motivated to Yeah enjoy my life again because I was on the point when I thought about to quit my life and through this Great great offer. I thought okay I Can make it and so it happens that I Learned more and I was more confident and say okay, even if I'm not fitting in the role model or some great models on the stage but I'm a person I have so many quality to bring with me and know what I can do and so That's I'm thinking to share my experience with you. I have some takeaways it's Every time you ask for help You will get help but not even in this way you might be Want to help sometimes the help comes from? Unknown ways and don't let yourself be banned don't let it That you get bonded or in your in some structure. You don't fit into And especially take small steps, but keep working especially Marcel is going to work camp Europe and valley next year and He's taking small steps From his hometown Through Germany up to Berlin and I hope that you find some accommodation in Germany as well But it's a good example you're training your son in your training now and you're moving forward so To to get your goal and that's also in life set your goals and keep going keep going keep going keep asking can't go and also if you are happening with some Issues or life events like my mom died my best friend died. I got ill I got divorced and my kids Well, I have five children, you know, you can imagine every child has some health issues sometimes So I have to five kids Five times issues and school issues something, but yeah Resilience can be learned I got asked and before my talk how Am I able to do this? I'm seven ploy it five kids and Yeah, no answer just doing and Not overthink keep it simple as possible But what happened this? Why I asked this? This is also a part of Learning resilience I was thinking about to purchase this kind of stuff Some years ago, but I thought It's something for all people and It is also in kind of resignation not being able to put on my socks by myself without any help but then I decided to purchase this and put on my socks and my shoes in About four minutes, which took me mostly about 30 minutes to motivate myself to get my socks on my feet and People who don't have these issues Can't understand it, but for me it was a freedom to put on my socks again and work again and put on my shoes and Try to get more fit and more healthy on every day. This is my small steps I have to practice currently My family is in a great shape now. I'm loving partner over four years now and My kids are growing and I love to see my my my grandchild Growing. He's now six months old and yeah, my wish to to play with him and Sit on the floor and and play with him is not that easy But I know I have to find creative ways how to enjoy the time with my grandchild With my body disabilities, but also learning how to deal with the mental issue of Disability brings with it and that's where the created creativity comes again into topic if you have any kind of disorders or mental issues or stress or something like that use your creativity to find ways out and Use the creativity also to explore your goals. What are you wanting from yourself in your life? What is the next goal for you? What is the next step for you and? Which is you can move forward and create a great expression and your ocean in your life. I'd like to Ask you a little bit about your experience Does someone of you have some experience with creativity and mental health issues? Okay, you've started when you have you've started with mental issues and to get creative or Okay Yeah, that's a good example. You told you started your creativity While you ask when you're asking yourself through the burnout when I yeah Burnout is often a starting point of the reinvention of your life What is it really necessary that we have to burn out before we change our life? I Don't think so Personally, I was burnout, but because I had so many live events in a short time. I had no other chance to burn out but Yeah, maybe You find ways during a day, especially when you start moving outside Get a good routine on your daily basis find the way you find get Joy in your life happiness in your life even in small small steps and Yeah, that's what helped me a lot and it's exploring also the community and Making friends even if you're a remote worker try to find Places where you can socialize with people because the most people around of this in the room are sitting in an office or in a home office or in a co-working space and it can make feel alone and To avoid Burning out through the feeling of aloneness You can find creative ways where you can socialize with your own big five Exploration and being yourself and that's why I thought about Creativity has a long been associated with mental disorders. There are so many research, but my my experience is To find the own ways where you can explore and and and give your creativity outside and Find ways where you can find your resilience and Even if the life was talking There every time a way out of the situation And that's what I want to say Thank you Thank you very much for sharing this very personal story Are there any questions from the audience? Can I ask you I know you will really get through that about women and repress and finding their space there the right place for them How do they get over the fear of speaking in public? That's a good question Especially when you are not really confident with the body or something else My motivation is to inspire people and So that's why I learned to to stay more confident and that this is something you can learn It starts on a small meetup group Maybe and then you can start to to go on a stage or something like that and You more you practice then you're more confident if you're confident When you have some able disabilities are like standing a long time It can damage a little bit your confidence and bring you out of your track of what we want to say, but yeah I learned to find this fear of public speaking Do you ever feel like you're an impostor or does that fade in the back into the background? No, I think I have also Struggled with imposter sometimes But it gets better at Definitely on daily basis. That's good to hear. Yeah. Well, thank you very much. Thank you and good luck with everything We're going to take a short break again here So we can set up for the next speaker to give one more round of applause for the burgers