 Mother, is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best. Transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young's father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Anderson's, brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House. The coffee that's always good to the last drop. We once knew a man who was extremely wealthy, and he had a wonderful system for acquiring money, which we think will interest him. He was up every morning at six, worked 14 hours a day, seven days a week for almost 20 years. And then, when he was only 45 years of age, his uncle died and left him $3 million. Was that nice? Of course, a thing like that would never happen to our friends, the Anderson's, but it almost did. Yes, sir, they came awfully close to being the richest family in Springfield. I know, Frank, but I don't care what Gribble says. Look, Frank, Van Norton's willing to give us the land, and if the committee isn't willing to take it, okay, Frank, okay. And you can tell Gribble for me that he's nothing but a pig-headed old goat. He's nothing but a self-centered stubborn old jackass. That's what he is. Is something wrong, dear? Oh, that Gribble. He's killing the whole deal. I worked out for the playground. I wish you wouldn't take it so much to heart. After all, it isn't your responsibility. Well, that isn't the point. I talk Van Norton into giving ten acres of land for the playground. Giving it, mind you. And Gribble won't even take it. Says there must be something wrong with it. But can't you tell the rest of the committee? Margaret, I have told them. I've told them until I'm blue in the face. Well, maybe if you talk to Mr. Gribble again. Gribble, how can you talk to a lunatic? All you have to do is mention the name Van Norton and his nose lights up like a pinball machine. I still say you've done everything you could. Well, I'm not licked yet. I may not have as much money as Gribble, but I've got a lot more sense. Of course you have, dear. I suppose you think I haven't. Jim, there's no point in arguing with me. Well, there isn't anybody else around to argue with. All right, dear, but it makes you feel any better. Hello, mother. Hello, father. Hello, Miss Hepburn. Betty. Betty, if you're going to start spouting poetry, I'm warning you right now. Isn't this the most beautiful day you've ever seen? Beautiful. It's snowing. Snow. Darling, I think you've picked a very bad time. Floating to earth like feathers from an angel's wing. Margaret, in exactly one minute. Betty, I think you'd better go up to your room. But I didn't do anything. You deliberately disobeyed me. I told you I was in no mood for any of that hogwash. Father. And that's all it is, hogwash. Oh, I'm too happy to argue. If you say it's hogwash, it's hogwash. Well, I'm glad somebody's happy around here. Mother, do you know where I'm going next Friday? No, dear. To see a picture with Van Johnson. Who's Van Johnson? He's a Hollywood star, dear. Oh, that one. You mean he's taking Betty to the movies? Father. Well, you just said... He's in the picture. I'm going with Stanley Lawson. Oh. Who's he? He's a new one, dear, and a very nice boy. Oh, he's wonderful. Now I know what they mean by nine-day wonders. Betty's boyfriend. Aren't they, though? Hi, everybody. What's cooking? Jim, now what is it? Why does everybody have to be so happy? Boy, will you hear what we're gonna do? Hello, bud. Joe Phillips and I bought a half-inchest in a corn popper, and we're gonna clean up. Hello, bud. We're gonna set up a stand outside the movies and sell popcorn to all the kids. How's that for an idea? Bud. And all we have to... What? I said hello. Oh, hi, Dan. And all we have to do is find some place to plug it in. Plug what in, dear? The corn popper. What corn popper? I bought it with Joe Phillips. You see, we bought a half-inchest in a corn popper. Bud, don't you know when you're being kidded? About what? The corn popper. What corn popper? Oh, no. Oh, gosh. I don't say anything funny about our corn popper. All I said... All right, bud. Just forget the whole thing. But I can't. I have to supply the salt. Dear... Now what? I was... Well, if it isn't William Jennings' Brian. Kathleen, how many times have I told you? Oh, Daddy, I was elected. Isn't it wonderful? All right, now just calm down. Take it easy. I was elected. So what were you elected? I'm the treasurer. They had an election and I'm the treasurer. The treasurer? Say, Kathy... Bud, not the first day. I was just thinking... Margaret, do you know what this is all about? Of course, dear. Kathy was elected treasurer. Margaret. Of what? My club, Daddy. The little vultures. The little who? Where did you ever dig up a name like that? Later, Mom. I gotta go. Bud, come back here. Were you the one who cooked up this delightful little tag for Kathy's club? Well, gosh, Dad. They said they wanted some kind of a bird's name. And, well, have you ever watched them? Daddy, we even made Bud an honorary vulture. It couldn't have happened to a nicer boy. Betty. Never mind, Betty. I'll get it. The little vultures. Leave it to my children. Hello? Oh, hello, Hector. What? Well, thank you very much. Oh, sure. I'm the luckiest guy in town. Sure. Okay, Hector. Now, I'll be seeing you. Congratulations. There ever was a guy who needed congratulations less. Who was it, Jim? Hector Smith. He wants to extend his heartiest congratulations. Isn't that nice? About what, dear? He didn't say. About me? He's known about you for years, and believe me, that isn't what he meant. Jim, I won't be able to sleep a wink all night. Why don't I call Elizabeth back? Well, I guess you won't have to. Maybe this time our dear friend Hector will let us all in on the joke. Some joke. Hello, Hector. Oh, George. I'm sorry, George. You see, Hector called me a minute ago, and I thought, well, thank you, George. But I don't know what... George. No, we're not having any celebration. We don't even know... George. Hello, George. Oh, fine. Was it Hector? No, it was George Phillips, and he's very happy for us. What on earth do you suppose it means? I don't know, but if those guys are having a good time at our expense... I'll get it. You stay where you are. I'll find out what this is about if it takes all night. And if that's the kind of friends I've got... Hello? Hello? Jim, it was the front door. Oh. Get a man so mixed up he doesn't know what bell is ringing. After a while, I'll probably hear bells when nothing's ringing. Yes? Mr. Anderson? Yes? Well, my name is Ford, Richard Ford, of the legal firm of McGonagall, Bristol and Finch. Oh? Well, uh, come in, Mr... Ford. Mr. Ford. Thank you very much. Jim, if it's the paper boy, tell him I'll pay him next time. It wasn't the paper boy, honey. Is that Mrs. Anderson? Yes, she's in the living room, but... Well, why don't we tell her the good news? What good news? All in good time, Mr. Anderson. Oh, and all the little Anderson. Honey, this is Mr. Ford of, uh... McGonagall, Bristol and Finch, attorneys. How do you do? Well, how do you do? Uh, sit down, Mr. Ford. Thank you. Why don't you kids find something to do, uh, some place? Oh, no, no. Let them stay, by all means. After all this concerns the entire family. Doesn't it? What does? Yes, indeed. Now, um... Honey? You are Richard Ford. Honey? You are related to Joseph James Anderson. Are you not? Yes, I am not. What's that? I've never even heard of any Joseph James Anderson. Well, that's very strange. I had it on very good authority that, uh... Robert Bruce Anderson, perhaps? It was my father, but... Oh, I knew I hadn't made a mistake. Mr. Anderson, Joseph James Anderson was your father's cousin, once removed. Oh, you mean cousin Joe? Precisely! We haven't heard anything about him for, oh, 30 years. Matter of fact, I think he died about 20 years ago, didn't he? No, Mr. Anderson. Joseph James Anderson passed from this veil of tears less than a month ago. That's impossible. Why, he was over 70 when he decided to run away from home and go to Arizona. He died last week at the age of 102. Well, you see, my father always said he smoked too much. The poor old coot? The poor old coot you may be interested to know made you his sole heir. Jim! Father! Hey! No, no, no, don't get excited. If I know cousin Joe, we've inherited three barrels of bottle tops. Many? Father, isn't it the most wonderful thing you've ever heard? The phone's ringing. I've never been so excited my whole life. Pardon me, Mr. Ford while I answer the phone. Well, that's quite over. If I help me next summer, I'm going to spend my vacation in a nice, quiet boiler factory. Hello? Oh, hello, Mr. Gribble. Well, thank you very much. Now, about the Van Norton land, well, naturally, I have... advice about what investments? You want my advice? Well, if you think I'm qualified to, uh... all right, JP, at 12.30 tomorrow. Yeah, see you then. Goodbye. He wants my advice? Jim, we're waiting for you. Well, that was Mr. Gribble, honey. He wants me to give him some advice on his investments. Well, let's talk about it later, dear. Mr. Ford wants to tell us about the inheritance. Why don't you sit down, Father? Here's a cushion, Daddy. Want me to run out for a cigar, Dad? Look, I, uh... just finished telling you not to get excited. I know cousin Joe, and he never had a dime in his whole life. Well, that may be true, Mr. Anderson, but if you'll be good enough to sign this retainer, I'll be happy to tell you about the estate. Well, okay. What is it, four barrels of bottle tops? It's a 15,000-acre cattle ranch, Mr. Anderson. A ranch? 15,000 acres. With a possible value of $9 million. Jim... Father... Oh... Holy cow! Oh, Father's inherited a $9 million estate. And to Mr. Gribble, that makes him a financial expert. Well, that remains to be seen. But there are some things the head of every family just naturally knows most about, and coffee heads the list. Yes, ladies, when it comes to coffee, wonderfully good coffee you enjoy every time. The world's greatest expert is your husband. Of course, down the years, we've been rated experts, too. More families do enjoy our Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. But when you fill the cups, the final authority is your husband. So here's our promise. Tomorrow, if you'll fill his cup with Maxwell House, he'll thank you and say, Best cup of coffee I ever tasted. Yes, he'll say that, or we'll give you back your money. We're that sure. You see, no other coffee has that wonderful good to the last drop flavor. That's because no other coffee has our famous Maxwell House recipe, a recipe demanding certain fine coffees blended a particular way. In a word, no coffee tastes like Maxwell House because no coffee's made like Maxwell House. But don't take my say so. Tomorrow, start serving Maxwell House to your husband. If he doesn't say, Best coffee ever, just send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund every penny you pay. Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. Tomorrow then, put it up to your expert. Serve your husband the coffee with the world's most famous flavor, Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. A week's gone by and the White Frame House on Maple Street hasn't changed a bit. That's the same snow on the front lawn, the same slippery spot on the porch that Jim's going to fix next Sunday. Everything's just as it's always been, except for the people. Yes, the Andersons have changed a little, I'm afraid. Not much, but a little. Like this. Oh, that's fine, Frank. Oh, sure. Well, it really wasn't anything, Frank. That'll be fine, Frank. Sure, Wednesday's as good a night as any. You bet, Frank. Good night, Frank. What did Charlie have to say, dear? That was Frank. Oh, how is George? You're so cute. It may interest you to know, Mrs. Millionaris Anderson, that your husband is being given a testimonial dinner next Wednesday. No. Yes. Jim, how perfectly wonderful. What for? Why, for putting through the playground, that's what for. It's all signed, sealed, and delivered. Jim, that is wonderful. Boy, what a playground that's going to be. You and Mr. Van Norton have done a wonderful thing for Springfield, and I'm proud of you both. Well, you know how it is with us rich men. Jim, do you know what I'm going to do with our first million? I'm going to buy Bud some new socks. Good for you. I have never seen a boy so hard on socks in my whole life. Look at this. Honey, speaking of millions. Yes, dear. Don't be too surprised if Cousin Joe's ranch comes to less than Mr. Ford said. I was only joking, dear. I know. But when he said nine million, that was only if each acre was a whole unit. I didn't understand that very well, Jim. Well, what was that unit business? It's very simple, honey. In the cattle country, a unit is the amount of land required to feed a cow and her calf for one year. That's the way they figure. And that's worth $600. Roughly. Then why do you say it might be less? 15,000 times 600. We aren't sure about the land. Maybe an acre won't feed a cow and a calf for a year. It might take two or three. Jim, really? Well, it might. And if it takes three acres to make up a unit, then each acre's worth only $200. And the ranch is worth only a third. Or three million. Oh, dear. We just have to get a smaller swimming pool. That's all. It might even take ten acres to make a unit. Well, Jim, let's not be ridiculous. After all, how much can a cow and one small calf eat? I don't know. But if it did take ten acres, well, that'd make it $60 an acre and 15,000. We'd only have $900,000. Wouldn't that be awful? You know, I've got a good mind. Jim, please, the front door open. It would. Bud? It's me, Mother. We're in the den, dear. What's the matter with you? Oh, Father, you got lipstick on your chin. I have, huh? Somebody must have bit me. Creepers. Isn't this a miserable day? Why, Bitty, I thought you said... Snow. All it ever does in this town is snow. Wait a minute, sugar. Let's get it out in the open. What happened? Oh, it isn't important. I didn't want to go to the movies anyway. So that's what it is. What's what? What is? She had a quarrel with Stanley Lawson. I didn't, either. It's all Father's fault. My fault? What did I do? He liked me when we were poor, but just because you had to go and get $9 million... Now, wait a minute. In the first place, we weren't exactly poor. And in the second place, we've got the $9 million nicely whittled down to practically nothing. You have? It might even be less than $1 million. Oh. Well, what good is that? He still won't take me. He says he can't afford lowish seats. Why bet he? I told him I didn't mind, but he says girls with $9 million always sit in lowish seats. Naturally. They save a whole row for girls with $9 million. It's the row right in back of the girls with $10 million. Jim... Well, this is the silliest thing I've ever heard. We haven't collected a dime. My bank book looks like an undernourished flapjack and Stanley Lawson won't go out with my daughter because she's got $9 million. Betty, don't you think if you explain to him that nothing has really changed? But it has. Everything's changed. What? Hello, Dad. Not another one. Is anything wrong, dear? Nah, that's Joe Phillips. What a pain he turned out to be. Something amiss with the popcorn tycoons? Well, why should I supply all the butter? I bought the salt, didn't I? We were all so happy when we were poor. He even had it figured out how many pounds of buddy you can buy with $9 million. Hey, I'll bet that'll fix all the popcorn from here to Lowe's Calcutta. But if you and Betty don't take these things too seriously, I'm sure... Hey, God, now what? Why, Kathy Darling, what is it? They kicked me out of the club. Good job, Margaret. Why don't you let me? Kathy, why did they kick you out of the club? They won't let me be a little vulture. Never mind them, sweetheart. No one can keep you from being a little vulture. Kathy, does our mythical $9 million have anything to do with your expulsion from the club? Uh-huh. They said it was too suspicious. What was? They made me the treasurer, and the next day you had my social outcast. Fine. Tell us all about it right after you answer the phone. No, Jim. Wait. Betty, why don't you take Kathy upstairs and get her cleaned up? Okay. Come on, blabberface. Bye. The phone's ringing. You want me dead? Where did you go? All of a sudden, I got hungry. Either they all answered it once or they let the darn thing ring for an hour. Well, keep your shirt on. I'm coming. Hello? Hello, heck. No, we were just sitting around having fun. I can't hear you, heck. Sorry about what bad news. We haven't heard anything about any... heck. Okay, heck. Sure. If it'll make you happy, I'll keep the lower lip stiff, too. Thanks for calling, heck. Goodbye. Gloomy character. Sounds like he just got a good look at the thing. How was it, Jim? Hector, he heard the sad news and he's very sorry. What sad news, dear? You don't suppose he's the field secretary for the little vultures, do you? Every time something happens to Kathy and the vultures, heck's on the phone. Oh, my aching ear. Why don't you let me get it this time? No, I'll carry through to the bitter end. Better mousetrap Anderson, that's me. One more trip to the phone and I get permanent possession. Hello. Hello, George. Thank you very much, George. Goodbye, George. This can go on all night. What did George want, dear? Same thing, bad news. Keep a stiff upper lip. Pip, pip, tally ho. Well, the least you could have done was ask him what bad news? And play straight for those two practical jokers? Margaret, I'm surprised. You've known heckin' George as long as I have. They were both perfectly sincere last time, Jim. Say, that's right. They were, weren't they? Maybe I'd better call them back. Jim, this time it's the doorbell. Thank you very much. Treat a man like he needs a seeing-eyed door opener. Oh, hello, Mr. Ford. Well, Mr. Anderson. We were sort of hoping we'd hear from you. Come on in. Thank you, thank you. Spent a busy week. I'll bet you have. Now, how nice, Mr. Ford. Hello there. Mrs. Anderson, how nice. Go right into the den, Mr. Ford. Thank you. This is a comfy little spot, isn't it? Why don't you sit at the desk, Mr. Ford, and then you can spread out all your papers and things. Well, that would be nice. Let me get a couple of cushions for you. Oh, no, no, this'll be fine. Just fine. Now, yes? Well, first, here's the receipt for your $100 retaining fee. All that. It's very important, you know, all these little details. Let me see now. Oh, the ranch. If you haven't anything else on your mind. Jim, please. Well, you must be very anxious. Of course not. What do we care for a couple of million dollars more or less? Well, Jimmy, I'm afraid you're going to be just a little disappointed. You see, when I said nine million... Mr. Ford, how much is it worth? Well, you remember what I told you about the unit system? One cow and one calf for one year? Yes. Well, on your cousin Joe's ranch, it seems that one cow and one calf need quite a bit of land. How much? 1,200 acres. 1,200? Oh, Jim. Which makes the value of the land 50 cents an acre. Oh, Jim. Well, that isn't too bad, honey. We'll have a ranch to go to every summer, and all it cost us is the $100 we gave Mr. Ford. And Mr. Anderson, as your legal advisor, may I suggest that you forget the whole thing? Forget it? Well, you see, the land is only worth $7,500. Whoa, what's wrong with $7,500? Well, nothing except that we found a bill for 8,200 in back taxes. Oh, no! This weekend, as you buy coffee for your family, remember this. In coffee, just one thing means real value, the flavor you get for your money. With this in mind, take home the coffee with the most famous flavor in the world, our Maxwell House coffee. Then let the world's greatest coffee expert enjoy that famous flavor. Yes, serve our Maxwell House to your husband. He's the real authority on coffee. When he smiles and says, greatest coffee ever, you'll know Maxwell House has the flavor for you and your family. And for value, well, count for yourself all the truly good cups of coffee you get from every pound. Tomorrow, buy coffee that gives you your money's worth and more. Look for America's sign of good coffee, the big white cup and drop on the friendly blue tin. That's Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. Remember Francois Villon? He was king for a day. Remember the Andesans? They were millionaires for a whole week, which is nice work if you can get it. Anyway, they're back to normal now. If you can call anything connected with the Andesans normal. Like this. Wasn't Jimmy Woody sweet, Mommy? Yes, dear. He said he didn't care what anybody said. If I wasn't a little vulture, nobody was. That's my girl. Isn't this the most beautiful day you've ever seen? She saw Van Johnson, huh? Well, she went to the show with Stanley, but I think that's all she saw, Stanley. Dad, I got the plaque all polished up. How does it look? Oh, fine, bud. Just fine. Let me see it again, please. Oh, Jim, isn't it beautiful? Now, where do you think we ought to put it, honey? Well, in the den, naturally. To James Anderson Sr. for outstanding service to the youth of Springfield. Isn't that nice? You know, it's a funny thing, Margaret, but I've got a peculiar feeling that the plaque isn't all mine. What do you mean, dear? Well, I wasn't getting anywhere until that silly inheritance came along. You know what I'm going to do? You're not going to give it back. Oh, no, no, no. But down here on the bottom, I'm going to put a little sticker that says, with one assist, from Cousin Joe. At breakfast time, you don't have to say... You children eat your cereal right this instant. Just say... Hop along Cassidy is crazy about hot wheat meal. Just a little psychology. Yes, to get your children to eat a hot cereal, just tell them post-wheat meal is Hop along Cassidy's favorite hot cereal. And they'll eat it too. Post-wheat meal is chuck full of solid whole wheat nourishment, has a wonderful nut-like flavor, and it cooks in just three and a half minutes. You'll see, you'll all agree, it's the best hot cereal you ever ate. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy Bargy in the Maxwell House Orchestra. In our cast, Baroda Williams as Betty, June Whitley, Ted Donaldson, Norma G. Nielsen, Howard McNair, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed J. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stages. Coming up, Dragnet. Then be sure to hear Counterspy on NBC.