 I'm so excited to have you with us, MashaAllah. We've had just an outpour of questions. It's really the best way to describe it. I think this topic of family dynamics is one that has a lot of emotion that comes with it and a lot of pain. And as I have heard you speak in the past about how to navigate family gatherings and particularly when there's members of the family that are difficult to deal with, MashaAllah. It's to keep that peace as well. And today, MashaAllah, we're going to start with the first set of questions have to do with probably the first people, some first members of our family that some people will meet, which are their own parents. So there's the first series of questions here, particularly about, and if we'll kind of categorize this in two sections, we'll say for those who are still young and living kind of at home or have gone to college, you know, to come back for, you know, holiday, and they're with parents again. So they're, they're young adults, right? The verses, the next set of questions is more related to those who are themselves, you know, parents themselves, but they come back to see their parents. And so there's some friction there. So the first set of questions, there's always a question about, how do I deal with someone who's been harmful to me that there's been a clash of personalities, or they're very controlling. And difficult. Yeah. So, Salamu alaykum, everyone. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barakah ala Sayyidina Muhammad. Thank you for inviting me here. And congratulations on Maristan. I think it's a wonderful endeavor. And we're hoping to bring you here to Minnesota to do the workshop for the Imams. InshaAllah. I've been talking to Imams and they're really excited about it. InshaAllah. Yeah, inshaAllah. So I want to, before I just dive into answering questions, I just want to have a little disclaimer here because, mashaAllah, I'm sitting with Dr. Ania, psychiatrist, specialist in these family dynamics, especially when related to like human emotion and things like that. And I'm, my perspective is different. I don't come here as a specialist in psychology. I don't come here as a specialist in psychiatry or therapy or communication or any of it. I come here rather as I would say a specialist in being human and fumbling around. Yes. And I also come here with the great blessing of having been able to read deeply into the Syrah of Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi sallam, and having that opportunity to reflect on that. And one of the books that you mentioned is Project Lina. There's a whole chapter called Tanger Ties. And in order to write that chapter, and the GM Axfield and I, we spent a lot of time thinking and talking about this concept of how to manage and deal with family members, really family dynamics. How do we tend our ties? These are ties. We're not, our goal is not to untie them. Our goal is not to remove them. So how do we do that? So that's my perspective that I'm coming to you from. And I do hope that everyone who has serious issues sees your therapist and your psychiatrist and all in your doctor and all the people that you need to see. Okay. Now, to address the question about the first question is children's relationship to parents and how those are some what happens when parents are controlling and difficult and abusive and things like this. So for this, I want to talk a little bit. I want to just paint the background of this and remind us of four of the companions. We're giving an example of four, not to say that these are the only four. We have Salim, Maulah, Abu Khudayfa, Musa'ab ibn Umayr, Sa'din, Abu Waqas and Abu Awaid ibn Jarrah. All four of these have stories of difficulty with parents, missing parents, controlling parents, abusive parents even. And as a result, we gain perspective. So very quickly, Asalaim, Maulah, Abu Khudayfa was someone who actually didn't know his parents. He was raised by Abu Khudayfa and his wife, Subeta, and they were very loving to him, but he didn't know who his parents were. And the fact of itself has an effect on the soul, an effect on the person. Musa'ab ibn Umayr, we know that after he became Muslim, his mother was furious and locked him in the house and attempted to stop him from his belief by threatening him with removing his privilege. He had been rich and privileged before. Sa'din ibn Abu Waqas, also his mother, threatened to threaten all sorts of things. Also, she threatened to, in this sort of controlling, manipulative way, telling him, Oh, your prophet says you should obey your mother. So here I am. I'm your mother. Listen to me. I say you should leave your religion. Abu Ubaid ibn Jarrah, we don't really know much about his father, but we know that he was a slave to someone who burned him, literally burned him with hot iron. Now, of course, we've just quickly gone over these stories and we ask ourselves, Okay, well, what does that have to do with me? Maybe. But it has a lot to do with what is become a, what I would say, a healthy, but we have to be aware of it, of how it might affect us. A healthy awareness of what we see around us that may be unhealthy. I don't know if that was very clear. We're developing as a community a healthier awareness of actions and sayings and things around us that are unhealthy. We're not the first people to have unhealthy relationships. We're not the first people to struggle with parental and child relationships and all of the other relationships that we have. And so when we look to these companions and when we look to our Dean, we have to walk with certain principles. And that's why I guess I'm not jumping into the question. So forgive me for that, but there are certain principles that we hold on to that help us to move forward. And so I mentioned these four companions that struggled with their parents in all different ways. And yet we don't have any narration of them mistreating their parents, though their parents mistreated them terribly. We also interestingly enough don't have narrations that I know of at least of them trying to control or change their parents. So interesting. We have instead holding on to being responsible for themselves, responsible for their behaviors, responsible for their words, responsible for their faith and the remaining confidence in themselves. And so I think that if I will take just this and circle back to that particular category of questions, the one that is children's relationship with parents and how do we deal with parents are controlling even after you've grown up and have children. You know, parents are just like you struggle to see your parents as human beings, your parents struggle to see you as separate human beings. And whenever you make mistakes, they feel guilty, like it's their fault, which it isn't actually your mistakes are actually your own fault. They did their best. I really something Maya Angelou said in a poem. I won't be quoting it exactly, but it's something like I did my best with what I knew and when I knew better, I did better. I really believe that this is the case of parents always, that we I'm a parent, we do our best with what we know and when we know better, we do better, we try. And so as children, if we can recognize this as adult children, if we can recognize this in our parents or if we can have a husband or son in our parents. I mean, even the mother Sa'ad bin Abi Waqqas, yes, she was selfish. Yes, she wanted him to go to leave his religion and go back to what she wasn't embarrassed of. She's embarrassed that he was following the prophecy Senate. Yes, that is what she wanted, but she wanted it out of her belief system, what she thought was best. Parents don't look to children and think, ah, what is the worst and how can I find it for you? They just may be mistaken for whatever reason about what is best in the case of these companions, their parents are mistaken, mostly because they were outside of Dean. They were bringing belief systems that weren't connected to faith, to Islam, to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. And so I think really having hustles done in our parents is a very important thing. And especially as you begin to grow into adulthood, remember that moment when you grew into adulthood, you had your first child and said, whoa, it's a lot harder than I thought. That's going to remain for the rest of your life. That's not going to stop. It's not just because you have a baby now and you nurse that baby. You're like, wow, my mother did this for me? No. It's going to keep on going until they're 7, until they're 12, until they're 20, until they're 30. I don't have any in their 40s yet, but I'm certain that it will continue. So have hustles done. Think well of your parents. Included in this list of questions are things like what about toxic and abusive parents? Remember these companions. It's not your job to fix your parents. Allah's not going to ask you, why didn't you raise your parents correctly? It's your job to control your own emotion. Subhanallah, the Prophet's, I don't know if I should keep talking, Dr. Dany, if you want to ask questions. So please, it's al-Bani Anzay. I will jump in just shortly here, inshallah. Please, please continue this. So the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam also, like we gave some examples of companions, but when we talk about Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and his family, I find stories that are really, they're mind-blowing actually. One of the examples I think of the most is, he's received revelation. He struggled with this. He knows his work now. The da'wah has been private for so long, and now it's going to be public. And he knows what to do first. He calls his family to talk to them. And his own uncle interrupts him, insults him, and makes sure that everybody leaves without listening. I mean, I can imagine what all of us in audience today might say in this occasion, or think, or maybe just feel, why did he do that to me? And maybe obsess over, why did he do that to me? And remember it until we turn 92. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam didn't do that. He said, oh, okay, I mean, and that's cool in here. Instead, he had another dinner, invited the same people. He didn't even uninvite him. I cannot invite him because, you know, he treats me badly. But this time, he spoke before he fed them. This time, he knew to jump and speak before he gave him a chance. And still he insulted. And still he attempted to undermine the talk. But the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam continued as we all know. We all know that throughout the Sira, there are relatives that hurt him. We don't hear that this stops him, that it causes trauma, that he obsesses, or even that he doesn't forgive. Masha'Allah Abu Sufyan. Abu Sufyan? Radi Allahu Anhu will become the companion of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. He literally, at that moment when Abbas, Radi Allahu Anhu, is pushing him to become Muslim. He says, La ilaha illallah. I'm not sure. I mean, come on. Enough already. And the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is not only generous and kind, but generous with gifts and things to allaflainakolubuhum, this verse, this concept of giving in order to tighten hearts, to bring our hearts, not to tighten the heart, but to tighten our hearts together. One last point I want to make because I have an observation, and again, I'm not an expert. So my observation, which is a note about narcissism, does not come from the place of psychology or psychotherapy. It comes from the place of sociology and leadership. From my own studies and leadership studies, that's where my doctorates in, and the sociological theories and books and things I read about that. Okay, so this is not about narcissistic personality disorder. This is about narcissism as a concept. As I look around and I think about our history, hour by hour, I mean Muslim communities in general, making a large generalization here. I note that we have seen trauma for 400 years. By that, I mean colonialism. Colonialism, where literally we as believers are invaded by those who wished to subjugate us, to take our resources, to humiliate us, to harm us, to take from our land and our people. And this, we have to recognize it's had an effect on us. Now narcissism, the concept of narcissism, and Dr. Ania, please correct me if I'm mistaken, very simplistically, is someone with very low self-esteem internally, with struggling with self-esteem, that then begins to make everything about them. I know that's very simplistic, but just as a concept. So when we look at our societies, our societies have lost their self-esteem. We've lost as societies our confidence in who we are and who we are as we are connected to our faith. And as a result, we have developed narcissistic societies and narcissistic communities. And again, I'm not claiming narcissistic personality disorder, but qualities of narcissism. What are some qualities of narcissism? We have in our culture manipulation, culture is up. Manipulation is accepted. Lying is accepted. This is not me throwing up lame, by the way. These are things that happen because under colonialism, post-colonial dictatorships, people had to lie. They had to manipulate. They had to figure out how to do what they're going to do, just to live, just to live. But I think it's important to understand it as we seek health in our families, that sometimes our parents, sometimes we come from the places where manipulation is the norm, where secretiveness and sneakiness is the way you have to live to survive. And where lies are something that's not only okay to lie and to gaslight. I haven't loved that word, by the way. But also to accept lies as though they were true. It's the strangest thing for me. It's very outside my culture. But I've learned to, instead of be frustrated by it, to look at it from the sociological perspective and say, okay, we need to bring Islam back to cure this cultural problem. Now, when we look into our families, we have to recognize that oftentimes some of the very problems in our families are things that are a result of years and years and years of this sort of cultural invasion of our family life. And so, I mean, I think that these are the really important things that we want to really think about when we approach all of these questions. And to remember from these two things, one is that trauma and mental illness are for experts. Okay? You, we are responsible for our reactions and our actions not theirs. And with this, we remember Sa'ad and Abi Waqas. I really feel this is very important because they're not asking us how did Uncle Fred talk at the dinner table? So if you're spending weeks and weeks obsessing about him and not thinking about yourself, that's how you're managing your behavior. That's a problem. Second, bravery and courage is a very important part of what it means to be a Muslim. And if you've read my article, I think especially what it means to be a Muslim woman. But, and with family to be brave and courageous, we often, we often feel coming in this, this sort of, this new culture of trying to be healthy and spiritually and mentally healthy. We often feel that we must be vulnerable and honest. I would say, and again, Dr. Rania, I certainly whatever that word is, but I recognize I'm not the expert here, but I would say that to be vulnerable and honest when you're safe makes sense. That's brave. It's brave and it's courageous. But if you're not safe, if your family is struggling, we don't look down on them or belittle them, we just recognize we're not safe. So instead, be polite and kind. You don't have to always be vulnerable and honest. We can be polite and kind, but there's no place in our religion for cruelty just because someone else has been cruel or I don't know, I can't think of a word that I want, but yeah. No, no, that's, it's, it's so, so important. So many things that you mentioned, I think from that very beautiful kind of tying it in from the CEDA thinking about the life of the prophet, so the lot of us, because there's blessed companions and how, and I would often think about how all those content I gave us these specific people, these specific companions, where they're specific stories as diverse as they were, but then kind of echoes and parallels so many of our lives today. So many, you know, nuances between people's, talk about family dynamics and interpersonal connections with each other. And it's beautiful how you can go back into the CEDA and actually pull out and say, here's somebody that I can very much identify with their struggle, different, but very similar to mine, right? So, and I think there's a lot of healing in that. In fact, as I was mentioning with Madison, one of the main goals that we actually have in this space of mental health is to, we would say, the Islamic lens and looking at things from the Islamic lens, it's not just a matter of, like, let's see directly the Qut'an or the hadith, let's also expand that to all of the people that Allah SWT put in that early society around the prophets, and while I said that, he directly was able to respond to an answer to an advice, and then they created generations and kind of ripple effects after. And a couple of things, as I told the things you said here, when we kind of just, again, paralleling what you said kind of from a mental health perspective, it fits in so in line. Like, if we were to understand that this otherwise secular space of mental health actually had a lot of advice that we could find and agree and as an agreement with our Islamic values, there's plenty in the field that's not in alignment, which is why we're at Madison always trying to align, you know, what is, you know, take what's good and give away and throw away what's not good. But one of the things that's definitely can you touch on it, and say one of the things that we say all the time in the space of mental health and in therapy is the rule of thumb, the very first rule of thumb in therapy is that you cannot change someone else. You can only change yourself. You can inspire change in someone else based on how you do and what you do and how you carry yourself. And if you yourself, like you mentioned, as if somebody is in a situation of abuse, of trauma, of difficulty to where you actually do it, it's like important and it becomes almost like I want to say the word, but I know some people might be upset with me if I say that. But what I mean by it is not that you're going to find it in the flip-flop, instead of what you're going to find is that a lots of parts out of command says that we actually seek out help when we need it. And they'll put out and directly talks about, you know, ask the people of knowledge if they don't know, if you don't know. And the people of knowledge in this particular expertise, let's say a trauma, right? There are trauma experts. So people tend to try to mend their wounds or figure out how to heal in ways that maybe he's not with, you know, why they're talking to their best friend, but your best friend is like yourself. They're not trained either. And so people unfortunately kind of go in circles. And so we have a number of questions and say for now, you know, this is my encouragement, I hope for people to seek out the experts, right? Seek out those people. And in fact, if I just take one moment before we go into the next questions, set of questions on say of, if we could just share the slide. I'd like to put up a slide at the very top. You'll see this red banner because people always ask, okay, where do I go to get help? And so we made a link on our website, on our website, that's Marisan.org is the website that Black Slash Resource is if you see that link. We just put all the directories that we could find that have Muslim mental health clinicians and experts. I don't know them all. I can't vouch for them all, but I'm putting them there for your convenience so that you can search by the state in which you live or the place in which you live. In some cases they're international directories, maybe the countries in which you live. I hope we keep on expanding these lists, but it's here for you to be able to tap into help around you. The field is growing. There are many, many more Muslims who are entering into this field. And if they're not a Muslim, but they are expert in their craft, right? They can also help you. So this is just a plug for people seeking out help, especially if you're listening to this and going, yeah, I think I need some more help than what I have, right? Please check out their resource list, inshallah. Now, as we carry on to the next question, inshallah, there is another set of questions, and this is probably a very hot topic in addition to parents. A parent-child relationship is about in-laws. There are so many questions we've received about in-law dynamics. And for many people, their angst and kind of difficulty that they have is actually with their extended members of not their own family, but their spouse's family. And so, you know, we could probably address this from so many different ways, but before we do, I wanted to see answer if you had for us kind of any specific advice in thinking about these members who we sometimes see, because there's questions about if they continuously hurt us, if they say things in front of us or behind our backs, if it's implicit or explicit kind of ways of letting us know that we are not so much welcome, that just they're not so, you know, that they have a lot of criticism about us, whether that we raise our kids or the way we're dressed, or all of these different questions that people sent in. But the general theme was around in-laws and setting boundaries and how to still be respectful, but kind of also respect your own space and boundaries as well. Yeah. I mean, I'm looking at the list that you sent us. And I mean, I really think a lot of it is kind of the same answer. You know, when if I have aunts and aunts or cousins who are saying or doing hurtful things to me, then I'm going to be kind and polite and not put myself in that situation and not get bitter. I really think that it's important to, you know what, I'm going to start this with a different beginning. These family members are family. And you're not getting rid of your family. Allah gave you these people. Either there's something for you to learn from them and you be open to that. Sometimes exactly what you're dealing with is exactly what you need to learn. Maybe your personality is just so different than theirs. Instead of being irritated, learn what a blessing to be around people that are so different than you, that you can learn how to see the world differently like they see it. So learn from all of these different people around you. That's number one. Number two, when I really like to remind everyone that there's also the spiritual family. And sometimes we have a romantic vision of what our family should be like. And so it's not actually what we're struggling with the most is that our family doesn't live up to our so-called standards or what we think it should be. It should be like this. Actually, it should be messy. That's how it's supposed to be. So have a spiritual family. And Dr. Ania talked about seeking help. I also want to say have a spiritual family. Have spiritual people that, not to sit and share bitterness over, not to have coffee and tea with all the problems. No. But to grow spiritually with your friends who are talking about positive things, not always complaining, not always whining, talking about positive things, talking about, oh, you know, I only woke up for 10 minutes today. How are you waking up for longer and having these kinds of shared experiences of growth? I really want to encourage you to develop those kinds of friends and that kind of community. Back to like, there's lots of questions here. How to set respect, how to set respect, but firm boundaries with in-laws. You know, I read somewhere, and I think about this word boundaries a lot because it's not much of a word in cultures outside of sort of Western culture. Boundaries are a strange sort of concept. But I read somewhere that boundaries are not for other people. Boundaries are for you. Boundaries change is everything. Because again, we don't want to control everybody. This is not on the day of judgment. I'm not standing with everybody else. I love that word you used inspire. Because as you all, I mean, those of you know me, my entire life is about trying to inspire people for positive cultural change in themselves, in their lives, in their communities. So yes, yes, with their education, through worship, through all of these things, yes, I do want to do that. But that's different than saying hello, human being. Now I'm going to set boundaries. That means you have to behave in a certain way. What? Don't do that to me. I'll be like, whoa, hang on a second. But you can set a boundary with yourself. What that means is get rid of romantic visions, stop looking at television and YouTube and magazines and Instagram and wherever else that you're looking at things and developing an incorrect picture in your head about how things are supposed to be. There is no supposed to be. This is humanity. Humanity is messy. And the way it's supposed to be is we're supposed to struggle through this life, move through this life in order to become better so that we can keep on honing and toning our nefs, grow into better and better people stronger spiritually so we can help to become of the khulafa of this earth and so that we can when we die, when we die, which this is a little secret. I don't know if you know, we're all doing that. We're all dying, everyone. So when we do, we can stand before Allah's panta'ala with as many good deeds as we were able to. Don't waste as you were able to. Don't waste our time trying to change everybody else. So I see like several in-laws. I have always tried and certainly failed many times, but done my best to be the in-law that I want my in-law kids to be to me. And I think that's a really good rule. I mean, it's not about how they're acting. It's not how you're acting. It's really about how we are acting, that they're manipulative, but they're cruel. But they mean, they say mean things. Become a duck. I see social news that say that, become a duck. When you get in the water, you don't get wet. And what does it mean? It means, it doesn't mean you don't get in the pond or don't go in the water. You don't go to family events. You don't go, you're just like, we have to stop being so little self-esteem that all this stuff affects us. Don't you know yourself? If they tell you you're ugly, why do you believe them? That's, it's a, if someone says mean things, it reflects who they are. And that's who you are. And, and if SubhanAllah, some of the older alama, they used to say that every Muslim needs four things. Someone who is a teacher, like someone above you to teach you a student, someone who is under you to help, that you help them grow a friend. So like you're walking together. And the fourth one is an enemy. I remember the first time I read that I was like, huh? Wait, what? I don't need an enemy. And the explanation is because enemies, they have the ability and they do things that are often not true. Usually they do things on purpose to hurt you. And so you quickly learn how to protect yourself, how to grow up quickly, and how to be a person of strong faith where enemies don't influence you. Only Allah does. SubhanAllah. So family is not enemy. No matter what, they're just not enemy. They're not, they didn't wake up in the morning and try to figure out how to ruin your day, even if they're ruining it. They just have their own issues. And I really think in laws are your new family. In Islam, families get married. Families get married, not individuals. Families get married. And so these are your new family members and you want to do your best and I think a good rule of thumb is to be the in-law that you want your in-law kids to be to you. And Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la will reward you with that and give you that kind of that kind of beautiful relationship. I mean, one time on Satan Therapy I had a person I was working with and she said to me, you know, I just, my family, she, all of her sessions pretty much were focused on her in-laws. I mean, everything was surrounding these people and she gave them so much space in her mind, right? And for sure, they were having real egregious things. These are not made up or make belief things, but she gave it so much emphasis in herself. And then time would have it that actually she learned that now she was going to have a daughter in law and the very first thing out of her mouth was, I can't wait. And I said, hey, insha'Allah, you know, and she said, I'm going to do everything that was done to her. And I said, oh no, no, no, no, hold on, hold on, ya Allah. And she had carried all of this resentment and pain and hurt. And literally she was waiting to put it on to the next person, right? So you can imagine now the rest of our sessions had to do with, you know, talking about the level of human healing that needed to happen for her to understand the opposite action. It's the opposite, as you mentioned, Ansai, that, you know, this idea of, you know, what we call here, that the golden rule kind of like do unto others as they do unto themselves. This is our Islamic rule, right? It's from the very beginning. We have it within our faith. But really what it really came down to is kind of going down to the very core and there was a lot of what you discussed. Is it really true what they're saying or doing all these mean and terrible things? Or is it more a reflection of their own deficiencies? It's a problem in therapy just for everybody here, because everything you say, Ansai, I'm kind of just thinking a layer of kind of that therapy mental health leads to additional luck. And part of what we do in therapy just to demystify it for those who've never been and are wondering what is this thing that we do, this talk, this talking really help and heal. It's very strategic talk, a very strategic talk. It's learning tools and how to actually techniques of how you deal with the people in front of you and around you. And one of the things we work on is really trying to empathetically empathize, putting yourself in the shoes of that other person and trying to understand where did they come from? Why did those comments happen? What level of deficiency within them causes them to be able to say such terrible and the greatest things? Or is it jealousy? Or is it feeling like you've taken this number of their family away from them? And maybe there's some rights due to give them the space of the sun that you bury as your husband. Back into the family, and for every person it's a different story. There's different reasons as to why this happens, but just to demystify a little bit the kind of work we do. And certainly when you're working with someone from an Islamic frame, the advice and work and techniques that you learn may be the same that the way it's oriented and may be different depending on who you're working with and therapy. So we often say, hopefully somebody who is attuned to the Islamic values and morals, if not themselves, will be practicing them which will be better and better and better in order to make a person be able to feel. Ansi, did you have anything more to say with the in-law piece or would you like us to tackle the next step here? Let's go to the next one. I think it makes me really sad that that's just what I mean by these cultures of past on trauma and past on manipulation. It just continues and instead of taking a minute and saying, wait, where is my Dean? Where is my being a better person? It becomes a sort of accepted thing in a culture. And yeah, it's really troublesome. Very troublesome. I would say to SubhanAllah, I've also, Alhamdulillah, as in your work on the spiritual side, Ansi, in my work on this, I guess we call it psychospiritual side, it's also beautiful and amazing. I just want to give everyone here the level of hope to know that when you do work on yourself, it is amazing, SubhanAllah, this we believe in, this Islamic way, that intention. When you rectify that intention, SubhanAllah, and you start doing better and being the duck and protecting your staff, putting your firm personal boundaries as we learn on them, but onto yourself. And you start getting better. SubhanAllah, it's amazing how many stories session after session, person after person, I've worked with in therapy that they've said, literally things have changed, not overnight and usually not like this revolution that happens. It's usually very consistent but steady. But when you look back retrospectively, months later or years later, you find SubhanAllah, there was a real change that occurred. So I just want to give people hope, that don't throw the whole, don't throw the towel and say, this is useless to get better with my in-laws. InshaAllah, there's definitely hope, even if you think at this moment there may not be. May Allah bless this all, Alhamdulillah. Ansi, there is a set of questions, of course related to marriage and separate from this, related more to things about, a lot of it is actually questions about relating to differences in the way of looking at the world or the way of parenting. Or in some cases actually co-parenting, blended families, and these are a little bit different. Each question is a little bit of a nuanced difference. I don't know which you might want to take on, InshaAllah. Well, I think, you know, I assume, I really think that, again, when we're entering into any relationship, we have to get rid of this romantic Hollywood idea about what it's going to be. And we have to come in ready to talk and be human and have conversations. And I counseled a couple the other day and I really was saying, you just need to trust each other. They have different parenting styles. That's okay. It's okay. It's okay for each person to be who they are, because in the end, the children are part of both of these people. And when either one, the father or the mother, becomes super controlling or tries to control the other and say, you can't parent like that, it's really, it's not healthy for anybody. And SubhanAllah, like we just don't see this. I mean, when I think about the way of the Prophet SAW with his daughters, I think a lot about the Prophet SAW and Fatima radiallahu anha. I think what them in general, but recently I've been thinking about them a lot because Fatima radiallahu anha, Zahra, she experienced a whole life with her Prophet SAW, with her father, as Rasulullah SAW. Now, that's significant for a number of reasons, but the reason I've been thinking about lately is that a lot of children complain and struggle with parents who are busy, parents who are, who have a mission, parents who have, like stuff going on. We've got weird myths in our community about what parents should be, like as though parents, parents somehow when you have a child you lose all other inclinations to humanity, all other inclinations to your adulthood and you're only a parent now. And first of all, that's not healthy, in my opinion, but it's not healthy because you have to at least, at the very least work on your relationship to almost all of them, at the very least. But the, when I think about Fatiha, and how she grew for all of those years with all of the trials, all of those struggles and she always still chose, she still chose deen. She chose his message and she was a follower of Rasulullah SAW and a beloved of her father. It's not, they're not exactly the same, but they come together. And anyway, so I'm just very impressed by her, but I'm also thoughtful about these strange ideas that we swallow, hook, line, and sinker because someone said them somewhere about one thing or another. I think the metaphor of the palm tree is a good one. I use this metaphor in my book relating to converts, but in actuality, I think it's good for everyone. And the metaphor of a palm tree I'm gonna just read from page 21 the definition of a palm tree. Palm trees have a fibrous root system that shoot out hundreds of roots into the surrounding soil. So it's not like a tap, okay? It shoots out hundreds of roots into the surrounding soil. The roots are not long, deep tap roots of other trees, but thin roots that grow horizontally from the base. They stabilize and anchor the tree, allowing it to find nutrients and moisture and the taller the tree gets, the wider the root base. So I know this doesn't exactly answer the question, but as parents, we have to be a palm tree first. We have to take care of ourselves first before we can be parents. We have to have roots that are strong and wide, lots of roots. That comes from our spiritual life, our anim, what we're learning about Dean, our worship, our intentional worship, our sadaqa, our work on ourselves as human beings. And then we can grow tall. And the taller we get though, the more we have to have roots. If we're going to grow taller without roots, we risk falling over. And a palm tree gives dates and gives coconuts and all these other wonderful nutritious fruits. So that's how we can be the healthiest parent. Not by following a book here or some weird crunchy thing here or there. It bugs me when we define good parenthood is with organic tomatoes. And it also bugs me when we define good parenthood in any other way. Good parenthood is being a good, the best person you can be and doing your best. And you're going to mess up and one day your kids are going to go to therapy and complain about you. But do your best and stand before, so that you can stand before Allah's hands on it and say, I did the best with what I knew and when I knew better, I did better. That's all I got. I love that. And I hope everybody can imagine in their minds what that means about the palm tree. And if you don't have a book called Project Nina, this is a plug for you to go ahead. Oh, there it is. I think it's trying to come here. There we go. To please go ahead and get this book, please. Because it's wonderful in its content. And so I was reading directly from someone earlier and asked, is there a book that you have some of these ideas in? And this would be one of them. And I understand it also and what I understood and say is that it's also a workbook, something people can work through as well. Yeah. I mean, there are, there's a lot more to read than there is to do admittedly, but there are exercises and activities after every section. There are three sections and then three sections in the, there are three modules and three sections in each module. The one I've been referring to tonight is the last one. It's called Ten Year Ties. And the first one is about knowing yourself, which is just good for any Muslim. And the second one is declare independence, but just FYI, the book is written to the convert audience. That's what was originally written to. Yes. I think that's important to, to keep in mind, inshallah, but really wonderful for all of our conversation sisters. And honestly, I think the many I've learned so much from Project Lena and so I hope others can as well, keeping a person in mind the audience it was written for, inshallah. It's very clear. You won't have to keep it in mind. It's clear all over the place. Excellent. Absolutely. As always in conversations like this, there is so much more to answer than we're able to get to. So many more questions that we're able to answer. And I do, I do know, and I want to be respectful of Anse's time. We're able to take a few more minutes of your time on say, or how are you? I'm actually just checking my WhatsApp. Yeah. To see what they're, of course, of course, saying about my, what I have next. Okay. Like maybe, maybe about five minutes. Okay. Five minutes, inshallah. And we'll do kind of, if it's okay with you Anse, and for everybody who's attending, if they have the ability to. Thank you. Maybe that's your call right there. I just wanted to let everybody who's attending know that inshallah, when Anse leaves inshallah, I will be able to stay behind. Cause I see that there's a couple of questions specifically that are mental health related that I would like to get to. So you're welcome to stay on inshallah for a little bit longer and I'm happy to discuss those particular questions inshallah. But while Anse is still here with us, let's make sure we use all of the Thai mashallah and barakah that we have with her with us inshallah. And Anse in one of the, one of the points that sort of came up and it had to do with of course all of the different various struggles, but I'm wondering about the concept of, you know, any families that have children with different abilities. So, you know, mashallah children with, we might say disability or folks today like to say differently able children. And if there's any advice you can have for them at this moment inshallah, and navigate family dynamics when people don't understand each other. So I just want to quote my dear friend, Ansaridhana, because I mashallah. So Ansaridhana, who also teaches at Rivalto with me and is often a guest in RPM, she has a child who has Angelman syndrome. Now, much of your audience probably doesn't know what that is. And I don't, I mean, I, but what it is, it's a syndrome that makes it so that her daughter looks, doesn't, she, you don't look at her and know that, that she's differently, that she's cognitively differently able. You, but she, and she's, she's healthy and strong and actually beautiful. That's Angelman. That's kind of the idea. Very beautiful mashallah. But her mental capacity is about one and a half. So I was at her house one day and I was admiring her as I always do and especially in her, in her ability to manage caring for a daughter who one of the symptoms of this syndrome is that you don't, they don't sleep more than three to four hours a day. So for 27 years, she hasn't slept more than three or four hours a day because of caring for her daughter. Another symptom is that, I mean, she doesn't, can't use the bathroom on her own nor can she speak. So there's a lot there. Okay. So I was just gushing with admiration and she said, are you kidding? Allah, Allah has gifted me with, give the opportunity to raise a child of Jannah. And I was, and she started to cry, I mean, she started to cry on me. I'm so lucky. I'm so lucky that I get to raise a child of Jannah. Then she made a joke. I think one of her kids is here. So forgive me for this. But she said, at least I know one of them is going. Inshallah, all of her children are wonderful. Inshallah, they will all be together in Jannah. And it was funny, but I mean, when we have children with different abilities, they are just children. And the other thing she said, which is so important is that Allah creates the ahsani taqweem in the best of forms. All children, all adults have been created in the best of forms. The best. There is no mistake here. This is, there is, there is learning here. There is blessing here. There is a different lifestyle than your neighbor. But masha Allah, she, I mean, but I don't want to list all of her accomplishments. Because I don't want this to be like, even though you have, you get to do all these other things. No. This is the blessing that Allah gave you. Is it easy? No. But let me, but it's, it's, maybe it's, it's a blessing that comes with things that are in the inside that you could never imagine. So I think really, regarding all of our topics tonight, probably the most important thing is to check our attitude, check our taqwa, check our tawheed, check our tawheed. And sort of learn how to, to respond to all of the messiness with joy, with maybe the internal sitcom a little bit, finding things funny, just a little bit and keeping it light. Keeping it light and keeping it as, as with the least amount of drama is possible. I'm kind of anti drama. I prefer a little, as little drama as possible. That's my five minutes. I will say if anyone wants to follow me, I'm on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram at Tamara Al Grey. You'll see me in all three of these places. You can take classes with me as Dr. Rania mentioned in the beginning at ribat.rabata.org. And you can find both of my books in the book I co-translated at daybreak.rabata.org. And I look forward to working with Maristan Moore in the future, insha'Allah. And just working together, standing together, arm in arm with all of you ladies who are here tonight, all of the helpers that helped you, Dr. Rania and all of the audience members and everyone behind the scenes and those who aren't here, standing together, linked arms, insha'Allah, really creating a new world for ourselves and for the next generation, a world that the Prophet SAW would not only be happy to come, would not only recognize us as believers but would feel like he finally met the ones he once cried out of longing to meet. Oh, Allahumma Ameen. Insha'Allah. Insha'Allah. It's always so wonderful to have you and say Dr. Tamara Grey, insha'Allah. And sisters, we're going to put the links that as Tamara mentioned, the book link is there already but we'll also add some of the other links so you can have access to them. And to be respectful of your time, I'll say insha'Allah to you, insha'Allah. And I'll stick around to answer a couple more questions. Battle for love with weki ansi. Take good care. Insha'Allah. Masha'Allah. Masha'Allah, my dear sisters and brothers. Masha'Allah. I hope that insha'Allah, this has been a wonderful kind of a conversation for you. It's very much one that came from the discussion of a spiritual angle to the discussion on family dynamics. Now, I wanted to say something that I stand in our goal with these learning circles and our healing circles, that these are programs insha'Allah to Allah that we're hoping to have continuously, monthly, we hope insha'Allah. And we hope to approach each of the discussions from different angles. Asa Tamara was very clear when she joined us today that she comes from that spiritual angle of someone who's really steeped in the study of Sida, that is one of her specialty topics. Sida is the life of the prophet Muhammad ﷺ. And she gave many examples from that perspective. She's also very clear to explain that she's not a mental health professional and deferred some of the mental health related questions to well, those who are in the field directly like myself and others. Insha'Allah, before we end today, I wanted to ask, you know, kind of address a couple of the main questions that came in that do have a very mental health component to them so that we're sure that together we have answered some of your questions. However, I would also say that this is the start of many more learning circles. And I'm already seeing, and I would love your feedback on this, but I'm already seeing almost like themes. I wonder if we can take even the topic of family dynamics and continue to break them down into further themes. Maybe there would be one just on the topic of in-laws and one nuance on it. Maybe there would be one just on co-parenting and the nuance on that. Maybe there would be one related to, you know, when there is discord between family members and different levels of dean practice, because quite often it impacts you very clearly. Maybe one related to temperaments of different children and who they are and how sometimes it's challenging in the parenting mode. Now, before I forget, I want to tell you something very important and very exciting. One of the other organizations that I'm closely connected to, in fact it's director as well, is the Rahmah Foundation, a sister organization, and right now, the views I mentioned that is right now, we have started a six-week relationship raising a spiritual child. By another one of our dear teachers, Anse, Sosan and Madi, and that's a term around Sosan very clearly, very much connected by Shalva, but there are also their approaches and their teaching styles are different as well. And I hope, and Shalva, you can benefit from both teachers and maybe we'll very soon here put the link to that series that happened on Friday nights. It's part of the Friday night and it's taking over the Halukah for these six weeks and Shalva and focusing and last week we had the first intro session and it was phenomenal. In fact, many of the questions some of you asked were actually addressed in that session and I can actually imagine that the next five sessions will probably answer many more of your questions, particularly those related to parenting, but also just related to being kind of in family dynamics and Shalva. So please use these resources to your benefit. I'm going to ask, inshallah, about our slides if we could just share them really quickly because as I get ready to answer a couple more of your questions I just want to have some more resources in place. So if we don't mind on the Mary stand side please sharing our slides. And I also have to say by the way with these learning circles and healing sessions that they are free of course for all of you, we would really appreciate your support in allowing us to keep these going and to invite experts to the stage and to respect their time and honor their time, inshallah, if you can please donate to these projects, these healing and learning circles so that you're able, we are able at Mary stand to continue them inshallah. So we'll put that link for you to do that as well, inshallah. Now, in terms of some of the questions that have come up, other than logistical questions related to these and typically we do not report our healing sessions because those are where you unmute and talk and there's a lot of, you know, sharing the very personal things and so we do not report those but we are reporting the learning sessions like this one so that you're able to benefit inshallah afterwards and others who couldn't make it here today can benefit as well. There are some questions related specifically to the topic of, you know, the dynamics between people who are bent to be close to you, whether these are parents and whether these are in-laws or even adult children or you maybe are the adult child in the situation. I think it's important to really say a couple of important things from the mental health perspective. On the spiritual side, the concept of boundaries as Ansatama explained them is something that's actually the boundary setting is really something that you do for yourself. You cannot impose boundaries onto other people but you can set these sort of boundaries for yourself and this, in a practical way, they look like being able to say, you know, to say when you're not comfortable with something and some people say, I cannot say that to my mother. I cannot say that to whoever. However, what you do is also what you say is as important as what you do. And some of that relates to having, for example, give the example of limiting, this is an action, limiting the amount of time, let's say, that you are in a social gathering. You feel obligated, you are expected, you need to be there and so you go to the social gathering. The boundary here, in a very practical sense, may be something like you deciding how long, right, you are the agent here of how long you are in that space or perhaps what you do in that space. And if what I'm saying sounds really difficult or even perhaps boring, this is where I encourage you again, and I put up the slide for the resources, I encourage you again to make sure that if you feel like you cannot do this alone, get the help in order to do so. Because sometimes you have to break things down into building blocks to take step one, two, three and four in order to get to a point where you're able to comfortably go into a social setting, right, let's say something like you're visiting in-laws, right, or maybe they're visiting you and figure out what is going to be comfortable enough, what you're going to be able to, you know, tolerate and what is not going to be okay. And who and when something, who and when you speak up about something that happens. So for some, they don't really have this issue or maybe in laws is not their issue. On a spiritual level, we know Allah SWT has tested us in so many different ways. And for some people, that is the bane of their existence. And for other people, it's actually not. Their in-laws are just fine. It's maybe their child. And yet for others, it's not the child, it's actually their spouse, right? And everybody has, well, it tells us this enough to add, he's going to test us because this is the world or a boat of tribulation and testing. And we know the test will come in different combinations for each of us, it's every single one of us. But he also doesn't test this more than we can bear. And so if he does not need promises not to test this more than we can bear, then clearly there's something within ourselves and the resources that he gave each one of us to allow us to cope and deal with whatever comes our way. And that means leveraging your tools to the best of your ability. Now, people have asked questions about these kind of relationships that have been very harmful. And as I did touch upon, you know, the idea of like a toxic relationship or, you know, people who are very controlling, right, was another one that came up today. And here we also talk about in therapy, for example, we will talk about how, where is that level of control coming from? Why is that person acting in the way that they're acting? And there may be things that you can do about your own behavior, right, that may actually, like I said earlier, inspire them to change. And maybe they will never change. Part of the acceptance it here is important to when people realize that they are, that the life they have been given, especially the people in the life that they have been given, a biological relationship will always be there. But how closely connected to that person you are is something you control. And many people don't realize that either because culture, which is actually the biggest culprit, comes in the way, or sometimes it's religious. And what I mean by that is not because it's a fault of religion, but rather usually it's a misinterpretation of the religion. So what I find a lot actually in therapy spaces is people saying, but Allah said, I have to obey my parents whatever they say. If they're not telling me to do haram, I must. And so there's a really difficult thing of trying to navigate when you can say or don't say that you are willing to, you know, work with your parents on or whatever you don't kind of bend to whatever it is that they're asking you to, especially questions that came in also after yourself you become yourself a parent and you're not only a grown adult, but you're also yourself a parent and yet your parents are still either controlling or they are very kind of coming into your space and critiquing all the time you're parenting and other other aspects. So people have a really hard time navigating this and you have to know, please, you have to know that one of the main things that we teach in Bitter and Wedding, which is the filial piety to parents or the honoring of one's parents. Like Ansel said, your parents will always be your parents. But how you allow somebody that has been time and time and time again has, and this is where we make that clear distinction. We kind of draw this line in the sand between abuse and between quirks. I do this in therapy all the time. I listen very carefully to is this abuse? As in to say, has somebody taken over inappropriately and egregiously someone's bodily physically or mentally emotional financially or psychologically or any other form of abuse? Have they transgressed those bounds that a lot has put there? And if they have, that's a completely different discussion because there we cut times. People have a really hard time when I say that sometimes. But that actually is directly from what we put in and directly from our understanding from the Prophet's little audience. Islam will never allow you to be in a situation where you are demeaned and humiliated or put yourself in a place of abuse and harm. Is a different line drawn in the sand from those who have quirks. And by quirks, I mean they're very nosy they ask a lot of questions. They, you know, speak there's no filter. They just speak whatever is on their mind. Some people would say that is abuse. That is not the definition of abuse that we use, for example. But I can see where you're coming from where that may be something that may feel very much like you're being transgressed upon. And this is where the first conversation we had about boundaries and boundaries setting up became very important. And if you're feeling like I don't even know how to start this I can't give you a formula today that is going to work for each and every one of you here. The many, many Muslim working here that are here. Rather this is where you need a custom tailored formula for you specifically that's about your family dynamics specifically. And that's why in the concept of therapy when people say was this something that's part of our Muslim past anyway? Well, not only are the maddest dunes as our name of our organization like our namesake part of that incredible Islamic history and heritage that we have where the Muslims are the first to put mental health and psychiatric help into their healing spaces literally that's what the madest danas and madestans are short and worth for the Islamic hospitals of the past and healing centers of the past which were in short a lot hoping to revive with your draws and support. And not only that but they actually created the kind of talk therapies and the kind of healing therapies that allow people to navigate these difficult things because these are what we're dealing with the dynamics we're talking about here have existed for centuries and centuries and centuries of old, right? So this is not something new is what I'm trying to say. The other thing that I wanted to say from the Islamic kind of lens when people say is this really therapy this really kind of Islamic thing? Yes, of course. In fact, Imam al-Bazali talks about in his book where he says specifically that when a person is having a difficult time in whatever it is that they're dealing with we have the Ayam al-Quran that talks about seek help ask the people of knowledge when you don't know that tells us to seek help but there's also what Imam al-Bazali says when you don't have the expert there the person of knowledge what you do next is you find a person who you're able to have as a trusted companion who walks on the path with you who helps you sometimes see the bumps that you can't see in the road and points them up to you and this description is very much how we would describe what a therapist is from an Islamic viewpoint someone who is literally walking on the path with you kind of helping point out the bumps who have some knowledge based from their own expertise isn't fully emotionally tied up to your family and your dynamics can give you a more neutral and wise perspective we hope inshallah that is guided by Islam this is the kind of work inshallah that we the kind of work that I think many here and many of the questions we've posed could really benefit from along with of course the spiritual benefits I hope inshallah to Allah and so I hope not to take too much more of your time but I will tell you this much all the questions that you have put in the Q&A box we have collected and our goal inshallah they actually do register inshallah like we're able to continue to hold them so those that have been submitted in the last couple of days before the event we've processed and used for this event and those that have been put in the box currently I promise to you inshallah that we will read them and that we'll go through them and kind of single out themes from them and I hope that that will inform our future kind of learning sessions and even healing sessions and very much open to your feedback inshallah to Allah so before we formally end today what I want to say is a couple of housekeeping things that we'll end with but one of the first things is go ahead and put any questions or even thoughts or ideas for future future healing or learning sessions in the box so that we can be back and touch with you about that in future sessions to answer some logistical questions yes there is a recording and inshallah the way you will get it is if you have registered here we will send out an email to all those who have registered as part of our larger mailing list at madistan with the recording so that you can listen to it inshallah another thing in terms of logistics people are asking about a client how to become a seek out a therapist or client and does madistan actually take on therapy clients the answer is yes in the state of california so for those of you who are in the state of california you are welcome we have our email info at madistan.org where you can put in your request and later inshallah in the new year where we have a full launch to our clinic our therapy clinic you will be able to access all of our therapists there inshallah directly from the website we will have forms there but for now if you are in need of therapy from this point in time and you are in the state of california that is a place you can access it another thing I wanted to say I saw a question earlier about therapy being very expensive and difficult to access and I agree with you hands down I agree with you 100% and part of the philosophy that we have at maristan and some of the other organizations that have taken on the mantle of muslim mental health is to really try to find some ways to help our organization all of our families and individuals that want therapy now one thing that I am going to share with you deep kind of a deep seated request having been in the field this long is that I don't see muslims yet thinking about giving their zakat for their sadaqa to charity their charity for their zakat to mental health it's not something I see very often often when it comes around for Ramadan or comes for zakat time or it comes for even just sadaqa and contributions all the things that are mentioned in the quran mashallah we do right relief work anywhere across the world even mashallah many are working with prisoners now and working with those who don't have much mashallah I want to tell you something I learned from some of my refugee based work there in the work that I was doing overseas you find that of course the first human needs are through a clothing shelter and Alhamdulillah many organizations were doing that but so many of those individuals almost everybody I would say had mental health considerations and because of those mental considerations much of which was trauma along with many other things depression anxiety as much as they were given food clothing and shelter they couldn't really continue to go forward without good mental well-being yet there wasn't anybody really working on that there wasn't any charitable causes helping that specific cause I joined the group that was specifically working on that but then as I came back to the US to do you know here and I look around our own communities and I would say we have the same needs here and so my hope I'll tell you this is a very deep-seated hope and I hope not to take too much of your time but I'll just share a deep dream for myself you know one of my dreams is that people think about giving those a cat to mental health imagine if somebody is a cat eligible and their mental health sessions can completely be covered because you've given a cat to that if you are someone who is able and has to give a cat and if not then maybe it's other maybe it's your charity and so anyhow in madistan we have this model that we're using in which there are specific clients who will you know inshallah much of the session will be covered through this cat friends a sliding scale inshallah and then those who have insurance because many who are working may have insurance to use that as well it's a very flexible model and it does hope to have many people to be able to access it but it needs your support now the long-term goal because you could say what if I'm not in California my long-term goal inshallah our long-term goal I'd like to revive the madistan this healing center that was holistic that had mind body soul that had all of the different aspects of mental health and physical wellness connected talk therapy yes they did talk therapy there aroma therapy we used color and sound they used all the different forms of W senses of healing we need to revive this and it needs to be awoke for an endowment this is my goal and plan inshallah to add up and been working and pulling out from historical resources connecting it and bridging it to modern clinical resources and trying to inshallah create what would be like a blueprint for this kind of healing I hope you'll be part of the journey I hope now you know a little bit more about madistan what it's for and where it's going inshallah we'll have these educational sessions we'll have these healing spaces and of course if you're you'll find us doing trainings all throughout the country that's the time where we're very kindly mentioned our imams training and it's actually for not just imams before religious and community leaders it's on a very difficult topic so I'll give my trigger warning here it's on the topic of suicide which is a heavy topic and a difficult one and our most in community notoriously unfortunately we keep using people to this and so it is so important that our leaders are trained in how to do this properly and alhamdulillah madistan works very closely with my lab at Stanford at Stanford Muslim and Islamic Psychology Lab we've developed this amazing training that's a full day certification training that I hope will come to your hometown and be able to train religious leaders community leaders Sunday school teachers youth leaders youth directors but these are the kind of things that madistan hopes to do really spread that from a very Islamic lens but fully in line with the current understandings of mental health from a scientific perspective today marrying these two together inshallah is the work that we do here so yes I hope inshallah that we will be in your neighborhood soon but in many ways as well that you join us and continue to join this effort and make do a lot for us at the very least please keep us in your glas and keep in touch so that you know what we're up to what we're doing and I find this a collective journey where it takes an entire village literally not just a village to raise a child it takes a village to raise up madistan again inshallah so please inshallah stay in touch and yes I'm seeing some comments here inshallah I guess inshallah my goal is to have all different kinds of healing some people ask about naturopath and osteopath and chiropractor inshallah the beautiful things it did is it encompassed the local cultures in which it went and was ever-evolving with it ever-evolving with it and it took the good that whatever these cultures and civilizations that it entered never losing its own holistic perspective of who as mentioned and what would it end right it didn't lose its essence as it took on the best of all the various cultures and civilizations that entered hence as you see maristan which is shortened for b-maristan is a Persian word the Arabic by the way is the same meaning the place of healing inshallah so my dear sisters and brothers I look forward inshallah to continuing this journey with you I'm so blessed and honored you're here with us inshallah keep with us in our mailing list and in our programs and with that we'll do a closing to empower us Ya Rabbi to make this from those who are beloved to you Ya Rabbi grant us healing Ya Rabbi today our session was on family dynamics Ya Rabbi allow our family dynamics to be for us a source of happiness and a source of healing Ya Rabbi Al-Alamin allow our families our children our parents our grandparents our cousins our aunts our uncles our grandchildren Ya Rabbi our extended families our in-laws Ya Kerim all of these different members of people who are in our lives Ya Rabbi allow them to be a source of help for us a source of happiness for us a source of healing for us and not a source of pain or difficulty Ya Rabbi if we have been hurt we ask for Ya Kerim to open the path and door of healing Ya Rabbi allow us to have our attentions today to take the very first steps to the scene Ya Rabbi I mean we ask for Ya Kerim Ya Kerim that you and your generosity Ya Rabbi shower that mercy down upon us and our families and allow us to be from those who live happily and well happily on this Earth and have ever lasting happiness in the Akhira and the Hereafter Alhamdulillah Ya Rabbi Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin Al-Alamin May the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be upon you.