 The trick with self-compassion then, instead of hating that angry version of you that showed up yesterday, instead of hating him and saying, that's not okay. He's not all right. What if instead we tried to understand him, right? We know how he got to be the way he is. We know how that angry version of you learned to be this way. We know that he's struggling for reasons that we can completely understand. What if we asked, what can we do to help him? What would he need? What would be helpful for him to respond differently in that situation? And when you begin to ask that question, right? Responding with anger is all about being stuck in threat. But if you can begin to identify the situations that put you in to that, and you just, you mentioned your partner, a lot of, particularly men, it's like relationship triggers. That's the stuff that gets, well, okay. So what we wanna do is get really familiar with those relationship triggers and then ask the question. And instead of waiting for it to happen and just reacting in those ways that our brains are just primed to do from all our experience, we wanna plan for them and think, okay, I know I'm gonna face this sort of situation in the future. How do I get really curious about noticing like when it starts? Because that's what we wanna do. The next time I'm into my relationship with my wife and we're having that same kind of conversation that has blown up the last 10 times, what I want is the compassionate version of me who wants to figure out a better way through this to recognize, okay, here it is. This is the moment of truth. What would be helpful to do now? And we wanna plan that ahead of time. And actually for men, this is a very familiar exercise, right? If you're an athlete, you game plan tricky situations. If you're on a football team, you figure out what are the tricky moments that are gonna happen in the game? And you practice those over and over and over. Military folks do it for combat all the time, right? They do all these drills. So when they're in the moment where the everything goes wrong, the automatic responses kick in, right? The same thing in so many different contexts. What men aren't used to doing is that with regard to our emotions. But we can do that. If we know, okay, I tend to blow up. I tend to get angry in these situations. Well, when I'm not in that situation, I can sit back, I can game plan it. I can figure out, you know, if I was the man I wanna be, how would I understand the situation? What would I pay attention to? What would be helpful for me to do? We plan it out ahead. We practice it, right? Going through it, we can use imagery to practice it in our minds so that when we're in the situation, we don't have to be creative. We already sort of know what we're gonna do. And of course, you know, we do that for a while and things get better. And then a new situation that we didn't anticipate pops up and we have to do it all again. But I think if we approach it from, we start from that compassionate perspective of thinking, okay, what would be helpful rather than shutting down and just concluding, I'm a horrible boyfriend or a horrible husband or a horrible partner or whatever. And just giving up. If we say, yeah, that is a situation that's really tricky for me. What would be helpful? That opens the doors to all sorts of things we can do.