 If you ever deal with perfectionism, comparing yourself with other people and maybe a fear of showing up fully in your life and business. So in this video, I get to interview Krista O'Reilly Dabby Deghi. She is a joyful living educator and she talks to her clients in her content about quieting those voices of perfectionism, comparison, and fear so that you can really live into your purpose courageously and joyfully. So I'm looking forward to this conversation. Krista, thanks for doing this. Yeah, I'm really excited to be connecting with you finally, George, because I'm a fan of your work and your voice. Thank you. Thank you. So you have several Facebook pages and websites. Maybe you could just share a bit with the audience first, can give a background of those different websites and pages. Okay. I only have one website, AliveandProgress.ca, but I do run a few different pages on Facebook. I do like Facebook. It works really well with my natural strengths and how I like to connect with people. So re-branding Middle Age, Alive and Progress, and Slow Business on Purpose are my three Facebook pages. That's great. And tell us a bit about each one. Well, Alive and Progress really is the core of my work and my messaging, my mission in the world. I am very mission-oriented and although what I really want at the core is for other people. I use the term messy humans like me, who are strugglers. They wrestle hard. They may have had to choose like I have to live. So we may have mental illness or have to work really hard to guard our mind, body, health. Highly sensitive people, strong introverts. So people who feel like they don't necessarily fit easily into the world. I speak to those people to help them know that they're not broken. They do have what it takes and they really can build lives of purpose and joy in this world. So that's the core of my work and then re-branding Middle Age and Slow Business. They're fun for me because I love to learn and chat about ideas and they give me opportunities to kind of spin off a little bit. And so on re-branding Middle Age, we can talk about even some, you know, more like science, neuroscience or relationships like a lot of different things that relate to showing up with joy and curiosity in this middle stage of life. And then Slow Business on Purpose is just this tiny thread of my work at Alive in Progress which is specifically helping people create joyful, sustainable, purposeful businesses that align to their core values and leverage their strengths and help them really do the work in the world that they feel called to. Mm, wonderful. Yeah. And so when it comes to perfectionism, you know, I mean, well actually this relates to Slow Business. I'm actually really curious, how do you come up with the phrase Slow Business? What's the meaning there for you? Well I think over at Alive in Progress I always talk about doing life slow and steady. So this idea of showing up through fear, like whether we have, you know, like me, like I have struggled with chronic pain, I have an autoimmune disease, I have mental health, I have to, I don't know how to frame it but I work hard, let's say, to really live, to be in my life, to take care of my mind, body, spirit, health. And I have needed to almost embrace this truth that we don't have to hustle, we don't have to measure up or keep up. We can actually plod along and really carve out our own path and for me that's a slow and steady path. So I don't speak to people in business. I can't even do that because it's foreign to me. So people who are like rah-rah-rah and like hustlers and like go big and go hard or whatever, you know, they'll never come to me because I don't relate to that. But people come to me because there's something about my writing that helps them feel seen and heard. They feel safe. And if I can do it, if I can work through, like show up through fear, then they think, oh, maybe I can too. And so it really is about taking kind of the slower path and really like I care a lot and I think you do too because I listen to you. This idea that we're building lives, we're not just building a business. A business might be beautiful and so much fun and challenging but we're building a life. We don't have to race. Like, right? It's brick by brick. We can kind of plot along and it feels really hopeful to me and really that's the only way I've been able to accomplish anything is by making peace with this idea that I don't have to look like, be like, sound like anybody else. If I can't work because I'm, whether I'm hiding because my anxiety is super high or I'm dealing with crises in the family, which I've been walking through, I'm okay. It's okay. My business isn't going to disappear overnight and there's time and there's space. I like the gentleness of which you approach that in spite of anxiety, etc. So let's talk about that. You know, actually a client of mine just mentioned how she had a, well, this is not just this one. I mean, lots of us, there's an accident. Let's say, yeah, let's say you have a physical accident, whether it's something external or some diagnosis, whatever, and if someone is feeling vulnerable, what would be, you know, and they still want to, they're questioning, gosh, do I give up on my dream? What, yeah, how would you encourage them? Yeah, well, I think that ideally, like what's happened is we've sort of started to put down some routes before the accident, right, or the diagnosis. And so, you know, a lot of the work, so whether a woman comes to me because they want kind of more support in life outside of business and they're not building a business or somebody comes to me for business, 80% of the work is the same. And that is that we are putting down strong, healthy and hardy roots of self-awareness and self-compassion. That means telling the truth about who we are, what we want need in life. It means building some kind of purposeful and sustainable rhythms in our lives. It means understanding what, you know, the Pareto principle, like the 20% of habits say that really contribute the most to the kind of building this vision that we want. So we've done this work before. And then when we come into these really hard seasons, we find like I have, like I can just speak to it because I've literally been walking through the hardest season of my entire life. And this work to put down these roots, it anchors us in the storm. And also, you know, I was listening to you on one of your interviews. I can't remember if it was solo or not. And you were talking about these healthy habits that help us show up to our work, to our lives. Well, the same is that when we have done the work before to identify, say, the top 20%, well, all of a sudden it's not like we're recreating the wheel. We know how to keep breathing. We know what are the habits that keep us mind and body strong? What are the most important tasks to keep us showing up to our work, even if we have barely any time or energy? And so we, so maybe that's not the most productive season. But it's amazing how this year, the school year, I've had some of my highest income producing months. I've had beautiful opportunities. But while I couldn't really show up because I'd put down the roots, right? So, so I don't know how much further to go, but I would say that it's like it's not crazy, outlandish, like remarkable ideas. It's like this simple, practical, you know, kind of foundation, right? That I know you and I, I suspect both want people to hear. It's like you, you can do this, like, but we do the work with consistency and that kind of anchors us then when we go through these harder seasons. I love that. And do you want to share what some of your practices are, the things that help you put down the roots, or whether it's your own or you can suggest any practices that some of us might want to consider? Do you mean for putting down roots of self-awareness and self-compassion? Yes, yes, yes. OK, well, a little challenging, I guess, I'll just try to generate a few little ideas. So something I use a lot. It's so simple, but I use it a lot with women is because I work with women is something called a three to one practice. And it's just I like to bookend my days with gratitude. So, you know, as I wake up and when I go to bed, but the three to one practice, I recommend that people just do this at bedtime when you're just settling in for sleep. The three stands for three things I'm grateful for the two two things I did well today, right? So we're a lot of us have a mean inner critic. We totally see our flaws and failings. We have a very difficult time witnessing the truth that we also are showing up in powerful ways. We also are doing cool things. We also are, you know, learning to love ourselves well and tending to our families and so forth. So the two two things I did well today and one is one thing I could do differently next time. And that's not about judgment or criticism. It's actually about being gross minded, looking for joyful possibility, realizing that we always have power of choice in terms of how we respond or show up. We can't control circumstances, you know, control other people, but I choose my response. And so that one might be, let's say I got really triggered today by fear or to anger and I can kind of look back and say, OK, well, I see what happened. What could I do differently next time to create some space for me to be able to show up in integrity and not get triggered or bite so quickly? So so that's one little practice. I'm a huge fan of the Enneagram. I don't know. Are you familiar with it? Oh, yeah. Talk about that. OK. So I love the Enneagram and it's a tool that I use with my clients into varying degrees if they're interested. And and so it's just my absolute favorite personality kind of model, but is so powerful to help us really see like what motivates us and what triggers us. And, you know, to witness our greatest strengths and the that what is the change that we want to make in the world or the work that we want to contribute. So that is not a quick fix, right? But if people are interested, they can go to the Enneagram institute dot org, I think. But also I have some favorite Enneagram books that if people were interested, we could always share it when we post the video as we can share those. I think I'm going to stop there, George. You can ask for more if you want, but those are just two little two starting points, I guess. Wonderful. Yeah, it's wonderful. And the three to one is so easy to remember. It's a very nice, nice idea, nice exercise. So I hope people will try it. What about the practices in your business? And let's talk about, you know, a lot of a lot of a lot of us who are creating authentic, I call authentic business is that means showing up imperfectly, well, or trying to show up even with perfectionism. So I just got a question asked to me by one of my viewers, this is George, you know, I'm fine with writing and this is different for different people. Some people are not fine with writing, some people are. This person is fine with writing, but then he's hesitant about doing videos or when he shows up to do videos, he feels like, you know, it's not as smooth. It's like, you know, writing, you get to sit and think and in craft with videos. It's like, oh, you have to you have to talk and then in a way that's somewhat interesting for people interviews. I guess it's kind of the same thing, right? So how would you advise? Let's say how would you advise that person to, you know, like, let's say they want to do video, but they're scared and. Yeah, well, I mean, first, so it sounds like this person already has thought through like I'm a big fan of don't let's not watch what other people are up to or what the gurus or experts say we should be doing. Leverage your strengths, right? So self-awareness will help you identify your why what you what lights you up like your genuine strength. So first, we want to leverage that, right? But and so if you've done that work and you've decided that, yes, I'm a little bit afraid, nervous, but I also I still want to do video. Here's the biggest thing for me. I do nothing perfectly. I do. I am for good enough. That's actually my that's what I do. And I like not lying, not exaggerating. The only way I have been able to do my work is by constantly, like sometimes hour by hour, but certainly day by day, just releasing my grip and saying good enough done because George, I never think anything I do is actually good enough. Not one thing that I write, not one. Like literally I and also we're working within time constraints. It's like all I do is say this is what I have here. I'm going to offer this, but here's the thing. It depends on who you're trying to attract. I'm I'm totally real. Like if you read my writing, if you see me on video, I'm the same person. Like if we went for a walk together, I'm going to attract people who aren't looking for shiny, glossy, you know, like like it's almost like this glossy veneer. It's like I am so not that person. Like I wear flip flops. Don't wear make like I'm just I'm just like this like simple ordinary gal. And it's like you're going to be attracted to me or you're totally not. So my job is to actually offer my light, offer my gifts. And then I don't. And then I don't have to worry about your response to it. My job is offer and the people who need that are going to come to me. It has nothing to do with perfection at all. Or else I would not be in business like so. Yeah, so really, right? I see you laughing a little bit. Yeah, yeah, it's funny that you say you you aim to do good enough because my mantra a little bit is like, can I write a mediocre blog post? Why? Yes, I can, you know, like can I show up? Can I just make a can I make a bad video? Yeah, I think I can make I can do that. It's like I I have such a low bar for showing up. And once I show up and I think, you know, and I recall. I recall this video, this famous, I guess, quote by Ira Glass from This American Life, who said it's about taste. Like like in the beginning, he said in the beginning, which someone had told me, like, like, you know, we we we get into the work, we get into whatever work we're doing, because we actually have probably better taste in that field than the average person, let's say. And so we're interested in the work, you know, where we consume a lot of stuff in that field or whatever. And so we get into it. And then because we have we have good or better taste, we judge ourselves, especially the beginning, you know, or judge our own work, because we're not there yet. We're not we're not at the level that we want to be. And so it's so easy to judge ourselves. And so Ira says, you know, I was someone that told me, you just have to put in a lot of work, continually publishing, continually publishing until one day you you you get closer and closer to that to that taste. And so it's funny, because as I continue to make videos or do writings or create courses, as I consume other people's, it's like, well, it's like, there's even more I can improve, you know, and so it's like, I never quite get to my God, I'm amazing. It's like, this is so good. I mean, occasionally I might say that, oh, that's actually pretty good. But a lot of times, like, can I make a bad yeah, I can make a bad. And once we show up, I mean, once we show up, you know, it tends to be it tends to be OK. Right. I mean, did you agree? Like, once you show up and for yourself and and publish it. It's like, yeah, I mean, it's OK. It's like you said, it's good enough. And do you find are you are you surprised by people's reaction? To your offerings, to what you put out there? I'm not surprised any more. Yeah, I think I'm not surprised any more because I see how hungry people are for real. Yeah. And they're just people like me. They're just like, I'm hungry for real. I don't care about people who like have 18 degrees and all that. And like, I'm looking for kindness. I'm looking for compassion. I'm looking for people who are truth tellers. Like, and so that might even mean that you're just doing your thing and perfectly, be joyfully. It might mean that you're still searching. It might mean you're a questioner. Like, I don't relate to people who act like they have it all together. So so I'm not surprised any more. I would say that. Do you feel like there are a lot of people out there who are looking for the truth tellers? Yeah, I think there are. Yeah. Yeah, I really think there are. And and it's one of the things that I want to keep encouraging clients with is that, like, I don't. So truth telling could be like another thing you've said in a video recently is that anybody who tells you that you can make X amount of dollars within these many months is not telling you the whole truth because we have no guarantees. Building businesses is hard work. And even if I talk about being gentle, which I totally believe in, it doesn't mean I don't show up with consistency. It means I plot along. Even if I disappear for a while, I tend to the needs of my family, whatever. It's like, I believe in doing hard things. I believe in consistency. I do. So, um, that wasn't the point, though. I've lost our train of thought. Oh, no, that's OK. And I actually am glad you brought this up because I wanted to ask you what practices in your business do you try to be consistent with? I mean, you know, given the ups and downs of life, but what what what practices are important to you in business? So I am not quite like end of August. All I've been four years online. And so every year I started while I was homeschooling my youngest. I've gone through a lot of stuff. So every year has looked differently. And I believe in seasonal living. So I'm actually like, I encourage this like that. So so there isn't like one plan, you know, one rhythm. However, one thing I do consistently, consistently is right. So for the first three years, I had kind of the self-imposed rule where I would post once a week, except very like, you know, maybe I'd take a couple of weeks off in summer or something like that. But I would post Monday mornings that meet. And the reason it wasn't because I cared about growing a business. It was because I cared about showing up through fear. That was my the thing that was most important to me. So it was a commitment I made to myself. And so, boy, was I triggered. And so what would happen is I might get to Sunday afternoon have nothing written because I've hidden or procrastinated. All of a sudden it's like, Krista, do your thing. You're honoring this commitment. And that's where it's like, hey, this is good enough. Maybe I had two hours. Maybe I sat there and like sweated for four hours, but whatever, it was going to get published. So that really forced me to loosen my grip on worrying about how other people saw me or my work because it was really about me doing my own healing, soul-stretching work. And I really care about this. And I really believe that everything that we do in business is going to call us to growth or you'll quit. You like it's like, we cannot give others what we don't own. We will absolutely be challenged and called to growth over and over and over again, right? If we're doing this work authentically, at least. And OK, so I also have a weekly rhythm. So I love seasonally, I kind of have this master rhythm and I kind of plot out like a lot of white space. Where will I write? Which days am I receiving clients? Because I pay attention to my energy levels. So for me, it's I'm a strong introvert. I don't function well when I used to have client calls every day. So now I only take clients like two and a half days of the week. I leave space for like walks and thinking and writing. And so I but I create a weekly rhythm. It's not like I'm tied to it, but it kind of sets the intention. And it also shows me that I've truly thought out my deepest in like intentions and priorities for this season. And and it needs to be reflected on there. And I well, I actually recommend that to other people too, right? They say, oh, I want to do this and this and this and this. I'm like, OK, show me on your calendar, on your weekly rhythm. Where does that fit? Where are you moving your body? Where are you connecting with your partner? When are you taking your child out for a coffee or an ice cream? Like, you know, we again, we're building a life, not just a business. I do I'm going to speak from the past because honestly, this school year has been so challenging that it hasn't looked like I want I thought it was going to. But but like last year, let's say something that works really well for me is using that weekly rhythm and then time blocking. So sort of like thinking about things that require like energy, right? So for me, if I'm connecting with somebody, I actually really do love connection, like real good deep connection. But it does drain me. And so as much as I love it, I'm kind of like buzzing a little bit after. And so I'm not going to be able to just flip right into sort of deep introspective work, right? So it's like a kind of look at things with that self-awareness, self-compassion and kind of bundle things together that have sort of required like energy. And so that means for me, like while some people use that can't remember what it's called, but like where they set the timer Pomodoro technique, 50 minutes writing, I don't function that way at all. I need lots of space. So if I'm writing, I need lots of space. If I am, I don't know, to like say, working on a project, it's like I need hours. So I give myself like these big time stretches of time to kind of go in and grapple and chew on ideas. And so so there's that. Now, this is individual, but, you know, the the Pareto principle, right? I can identify, I think it's harder for people in the get-go because they don't have experience. But like, say for me, I can look and say, what are my, what are the things that lead to not just growth, but, you know, attracting the right people and furthering my work in sort of this healthy way. And for me, for instance, guest posting is huge for me. So so then that needs to be a priority. And so, you know, so it's like it's little things like that, right? That we can kind of come alongside other people and help them identify these things that they may not realize. So let's say they're focusing on, you know, another person. They see somebody else like on a Facebook, constantly making beautiful images and then what, like even video, say, and that might work beautifully for certain people. But what they might need help realizing is, yeah, but to leverage your strengths and your voice, this other avenue might actually be far more like like in purposeful and also really feel good to you as a human. So so I've done that work for myself. But I also like because I like I don't think that we just I care about sustainable, right? Like so for me, having space to putter in my life, white space, time to connect with my inner circle or my husband, I drink water, I eat real food. Like I have these other sort of practices that are just second nature. So even when I kind of go into these challenging seasons, these things are on autopilot. Like I've built that habit. I know why it matters. And I don't have to like make a multiple like a million decisions every day. Because I just know I'm going to drink two liters of water. I'm going to go move my body. I'm going to, you know, so it's really good. I have just two more questions for you. The last one is how can people, you know, work with you? But you mentioned giving yourself a lot of white space for projects or for writing. How do you have that spaciousness and still publish and still ship or deliver or, you know, or press press go? Because I can see how people can give themselves a lot of white space and go, well, I just need more white space. I just need more time and it just keeps on delaying the actual publishing of it. What's your? Yeah, right. Fair. And I actually see that with a lot of my clients. It's like we we can't just have space. We also need these commitments. Like we know why we're doing something, kind of what we want. Why and then what are the practical steps that we're going to take? So I'm a huge believer in imperfect action. But that's critical for showing up through fear. We can't say we're not showing up through anything if we kind of just sort of stay in the pondering and dreaming phase. We actually do need to and that's where, like I mentioned, doing hard things. I think to be to build a business and to show up online and to serve people and love people, we are going to have to do hard things. And one of those hard things is publishing is hitting is getting stuff out into the world. So it's like, I believe in imperfect action that can be for some people, deadlines. It can be like when I was at my most productive writing, I had these two hour time blocks and I would just say, show up, you get her done. Like I do have some constraints. So sometimes it's a self-imposed deadline. Like I feel like this is so individual, right? Like based on the person and exactly what's happening in their life. But a hundred percent, I believe in imperfect action. And but that's directly tied to the idea that we started with around just loosening our grip and aiming for good enough because I can't do it all. Like if I care about if I focus on, well, what will other people think? Or it's not beautiful. It's OK, but it's not. It's like, I'll never do anything. So I just do the thing because because I want to learn to I want to grow and heal myself. And because I know that perfection isn't required to to to help other people. It's just not. But then also like I really believe in joyful possibility. Like I love this idea. One of my own things as a kind of a perfectionist and with this mean inner critic is learning to open up to joyful possibility. I I'm not in control and I don't want to be and I don't need to be. And so it's like I don't need to control the outcome. My job is just do the thing that's like calling my name and then see what happens. And it's not that I don't like I love my brain loves to understand. Well, why do people do that and how does that work and what's the strategy? I love all of that. But then I always filter it through my own wiring and then say, yeah, that's all cool, and it's not that we can't be very purposeful and even strategic. But the main thing is just do the work. Put it out there like, you know, yeah. And so sometimes I think it's good for us to to just do things because it's fun, not because it's like, well, we need a client or whatever. So a quick example, is it OK if I do? OK, so this year, a very, very hard year, one of my former clients and I, we collaborated and we're doing this series of journals, their mindfulness, seasonal mindfulness journals. And she does this really sweet art I love. And so she's illustrated and I have these little reflections. Nothing is perfect about it. She's been walking through a really hard time in her personal life. I've been walking through a really hard time, but we just decided we're going to do this thing because it's joyful and because, like, it kind of keeps us moving forward in that. And it's like, I love that because I think it's OK for us to not always have like an outcome attached to something and just kind of play and like show up and get to stay curious and like, yeah. And so that's cool, very cool. So those who are watching, if they want to connect with you or work with you, what would you recommend? Come over to a life in progress.ca, learn a little bit more about me. I like it when people hang out for a while and get used to my voice before they even reach out and say, I'd like to work with you because I do feel like I only accept clients that I genuinely think I am the right person or potentially like I have something to offer you because I want you to get what you need, right? So I think usually that works best if people kind of hang out. They read my stuff because I'm not for everybody. A hundred percent. Like, I think there are people who really do not like my work and there are people who love it and so you come hang out, read a little bit, ask them questions if you want, and then it's pretty clear how you can reach out and get further support if you want it. But yeah, alifeinprogress.ca and then like I said, on Facebook, because I'm kind of a Facebook geek, I do kind of, I have a love-hate relationship like most of us, but Alife in Progress, rebranding middle age, slow business on purpose. Yeah, and I'll be sure to put the link, but it's alifeinprogress.ca. It's not dot com, right, c a for Canada. So alifeinprogress.ca. So check that out. Krista, thank you so much for showing up, doing your work and showing up for us today. Thanks, George.