 Craft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. Yeah. Cheese Company will also bring you the Craft Music Hall every Thursday night. Present each week at this time Harold Perry is the Great Gilder Sleeve, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. What comes to mind when someone mentions a food you haven't tried? Well, I found that most folks want to know right off quick how good does it taste. We all eat the foods we like. And there are many fine foods you like a whole lot better when they're spread with delicious parquet margarine. That goes for bread, rolls, muffins, pancakes, and waffles. Or a wide variety of your favorite foods because parquet adds flavor that really satisfies. Like all the other fine foods made by Craft, parquet is top quality, has a flavor that's fresh and sweet, a flavor that's both delicate and appetizing, and is for good nutrition. Just listen to this. Parquet margarine is one of the best energy foods you can serve every day of the year, and each pound of parquet contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So for good nutrition and for delicious flavor that really satisfies, buy and serve parquet. That's P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Craft. Gilder Sleeve. Well, he's been working so hard at one thing and another that he's warned himself a day off, and he begins as usual with a substantial breakfast, nourishing his mind at the same time by perusing the summer field indicator. Not going to the office today, Uncle Moore? No, Marjorie. I've got all my bills out, everything's in apple pie order, so I'm taking a day off. I thought I might wind up the golf season at such a nice day. That's a good idea. Can I see the paper, Uncle Moore? Oh, yes, here you are. Mr. Gilder Sleeve, can I hear you say he's going to take the day off, or is my eavesdrop out of order? Well, it's working all right. I'd consider it, Bertie. I've got nothing else to do today. You mind taking down the screen? Screens? I don't feel very well, Bertie. I thought you felt like playing golf. Well, that's different. Besides, I wasn't going to try very hard, just knock the old pill around the course. It's only about five miles. You're much too alert this morning, my dear. I just don't feel well enough to take down the screens. I've been feeling a little run down lately. You don't look run down, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Well, you can't tell by appearances, Bertie. Here's something that might build you up. Schultz's Market has a special today on pot roast. Pot roast? Oh, we haven't had any pot roast in years. Well, here it is, 45 cents a pound. I'll go right down and get one before they're all gone. Mr. Gilder Sleeve, ain't you going to have the stress to take down them screens first? Bertie, if I don't get there fast, no pot roast. If I don't get the pot roast, no strength. Yeah. Besides, I need a haircut. My, my last week was too cold, week before it was too hot. This week is a hair cut. Yeah, but Bertie, look at my hair. I look like a violinist. I really ought to get started right away. Move it, Mrs. Ransom, all of a sudden. I've asked you not to slam the door, Leroy. And what are you talking about? She hasn't been over here at all since the Halloween party, Aunt. Did, um, something go sour? I'd rather not discuss it. What happened, my boy? Well, gosh, I was out in the yard just now practicing drop kicking, and she called me over and gave me a piece of cake. Oh, she did, eh? Well, if you want the cow, go after the calf. I didn't even want the cake so soon after breakfast, but I was polite, and I ate it. She asked me how you were. She'll be giving you ice cream before you know it. What is all this, anyhow, Aunt? She's trying to get back in my good book. That's all. Well, I better get on downtown. Say, Aunt. What is it, my boy? Can I go to the movies? Certainly, my boy. Huh? Here's 50 cents. Why not take some little friend with you? What a character. Four or two pounds, even. That's, uh, 18 points and 86 cents. Wrap it up. Are you sure it's nice? Madam, I'll guarantee you'll enjoy it. Well, if you're sure it's nice? Absolutely. If it's not, you'll come back and tell me about it. 18 points, you said. And 86 cents. Oh, I keep forgetting the money. Ha-ha, don't they all? Hello. Who's next here? Oh, you, Mr. Goodersley? By George, I should think you'd go crazy waiting on these women. Well, you can't hurry them. How have you been, Mr. Schultz? Fine and dandy. What can I do for you this morning? How's Mrs. Schultz? Oh, she's fine. What can I do for you? And your mama? How's she? Coming along, I took her home a nice cut of top brown last night, and we played a little pinocchio after. I think she's gonna be all right. Great. What do you have, Mr. Goodersley? Well, I wonder if he could let me have a pot roast. I'd like a real nice one. Harry, we got any of those pot roasts left? Take a look while you're in there, will you? But you advertised a special on them. I know, Harry's gonna take a look. A real nice one, tell Harry. I beg your pardon. Could somebody wait on me, please? I'd like a nice pot roast. I'm having gas. I have to ask you to wait a minute, Mrs. Ransom. There's several ahead of you. Oh, Lila, I didn't see you here. Oh. I've forgiven you for what happened at the Halloween party. Forgiving me? Come on, Lila. Let's let bygones be bygones. Mr. Schultz, will it be very long? Oh, here, take my place, Lila. I'm in no rush. I am quite capable of waiting my turn in line. Thank you. I'll be in the grocery department, Mr. Schultz. Well, come in for a pot roast and you'll get a cold shoulder, eh? Teach me to be so forgiving. Oh, I think, Harry. Hey, Mr. Girl, let's leave. Is it real nice? I guarantee you'll enjoy it. Oh, six and a half pounds. That'll be $3.12 and 65 points. That's a lot of points. You sure it's nice? Well, I'm not personally acquainted with the steer it came off of, but it's the last one we got. And if you don't want it, Mrs. Ransom, they was looking for it. I'll take it. Of course, if you'd rather have something else. I'll take it. And I guarantee you, I'll enjoy it. You'll just leave and expecting you in here for several days. Yes, I'm a little overdue, Floyd. Say, if you've got a nice box, I can put this package in. Ice box? Now, what would a barbershop be doing with an ice box? Oh, I thought to make cold towels with and so on. Oh, that's just cold water. What's in the package? A pot roast, Floyd. That big thing is all pot roasts? Six and a half pounds, 65 points. It's a thing of beauty. Oh, wow. Who's under the towel? That's Judge Hooker. Oh, but no one was Hooker and never would have mentioned the pot roast. He's the dropping in kind, you know. Don't worry, Gilder Sleeve. I won't be dropping in tonight. Don't be dropping in tomorrow either. I'm hoping to enjoy this pot roast for a whole week. All right, all right. Have you got things squared with your lady thing yet, Gildy? That's none of your business. Yes. I just wondered if you and Leela had been playing sardines since Halloween. Never mind. Ever played sardines, Floyd? I don't know what you're talking about, Judge. Well, it's a kissing game and you play it with lights out. But if you get the wrong girl, it's terrible, isn't it, Gildy? Hooker, will you kindly refrain from addressing any further remarks to me or shall I come back from my haircut some other time? Well, Floyd needs the business and you need the haircut. Let's have the cold towel, Floyd. Okay, Judge. Be with you in just a minute, Mr. Gilda Sleeves. All right. Where can I put the pot roast for now, Floyd? Well, it was mine. I'd step across the street and put it in a safe deposit box. I haven't seen a pot roast since my cousin Earl was drafted. He was a butcher. Yes. I remember Earl. He had a four-ounce thumb. Say, um... Where'd you get that pot roast, Mr. Gilda Sleeves? Oh, man, Schultz. It was the last one he had. Oh, Schultz is a good man. Earl claimed he was the best lamb chop man he ever knew. Oh? But who are the dickens of a season he lamb chops nowadays? Well, we've got to get along without some things. I know, but the way the government's handling this food situation will all be eating grass before long. I don't think it's as bad as that, Floyd. What do you know about the government's food policy anyway? I told you, my cousin was a butcher. He's been in the army for a year and a half. He's been eating pretty well, isn't he? I must be getting his share. His wife told me he put on 14 pounds. All right. Seven or eight million men in the services besides your cousin, Earl. Now, Mr. Gilda Sleeves, don't get me wrong. I'm not begrudging anything to the boys. But what I want to know is, why do we have to feed every Tom, Dick, and Harry, and Timbuktu when I don't know where else? Floyd, who's been filling you with enemy propaganda? Don't be calling me a Nazi, Mr. Gilda Sleeves. I did my bit in the last war. All the more reason you should know better. Do you begrudge the food we send to England? No. I should hope not. The English people get one egg every three months. Yes. And how about the Russians? You want their army to slow up for lack of food? No. But what? Why do we have to feed them people in Timbuktu? Floyd, you're a jackass. Now, Mr. Gilda Sleeves, I think that's going a little far. Floyd, it pains me to have to agree with Mr. Gilda Sleeves, but in this instance, I do. Yes. And it might interest you to know, Floyd, there's plenty of food for everybody in this country. Easy enough for you to talk. You've got a pot road. That's got nothing to do with it. The fact is, we're getting as much food as we got five years ago. Of course, Collar. Floyd, the man's right. I saw a government report yesterday. It says the same thing. Well, it don't sound right to me. Well, it is right. With the victory gardens and all, there's enough food for every man, woman, and child in this country. But that doesn't mean we can eat 10-course dinners every night, or waste a lot of good food we could just as well save for another meal. Well, now, there's no cause to get excited, Mr. Gilda Sleeves. There is, too. Rummy's like you complaining while we're still the best fed people in the world. That's the kind of squawking that keeps black markets open. Now, cut it out, Floyd. Gilda Sleeves, you're absolutely right. I know I'm right, Hooker. Thanks, anyway. Don't thank me. I just know the truth when I hear it. That's all. Oh? Oh. Look, Horace, maybe I'm being a little selfish about my pot roast. Why don't you drop in and have supper with us tonight? Why, I'd love to, Gilda, but I've accepted a dinner invitation for this evening from Leela Ransom. What? Look here, you old goat. Mrs. Ransom was my fiancee just a few months ago. Can't help that, Gilda. She's back in circulation now. What? You're right. Well, you won't have any pot roast anyway. My Gilda Sleeve will be with us again in just a few seconds. Naturally, all good cooks like a little praise now and then. And I found that a sure way to win the heartfelt appreciation of any cook is to clean your plate at every meal. You'll be pleasing Uncle Sam, too, every time you clean your plate, because by eating every last bite, you help prevent waste, help to make food fight for freedom. Of course, to avoid waste, it's mighty important that you serve foods in tempting, appetizing ways. So here's a wartimely suggestion. When you serve such hearty, sustaining foods as bread, rolls, or muffins, serve them with delicious parquet margarine. Ha-ha, yes, ma'am. When such grand foods as bread and muffins, pancakes, and waffles, too, are spread with parquet margarine, they're downright good-eating. Parquet's flavor adds to your enjoyment of many fine foods, because parquet's flavor is both delicate and satisfying. Parquet margarine is a grand energy food, too, and every single pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So tomorrow, ask for delicious, nourishing parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by craft. Where do we find the great Gilder Sleeve? Well, he couldn't put it off forever. He's up a ladder trying to pry loose the screens from the second-story windows. But let's leave him there for a moment as it goes on in the kitchen. On the kitchen table sits the light of Gilder Sleeve's life, his pot roast, all trussed up and ready for the fire. It's a truly majestic roast, a prime cut if there ever was one, and Bertie sings as she slices up tender little carrots to go with it. Little carrots, giddy in the pot. Little carrots, giddy in the pot. Little carrots, there's Ruba. Something smells wonderful, Bertie. I declare you're the best cook. Yes, ma'am. One of these days I'm going to steal you for myself. You won't be the first to try it. If you love me, Mr. Gilder Sleeve is out front. I know, I saw him. You want me to call him? Oh, no, no, don't. I don't want to disturb him. I came around the back way on purpose, so I wouldn't. I'll tell you, Bertie, you see, I'm having company for dinner tonight, and I was counting on a roast. Oh. But, um, by the time I got to the butcher shop, there just wasn't a fling left. Well, Miss Ransom, I don't know if... Well, I told Mr. Gilder Sleeve I couldn't think of letting him offer me his roast, but you know how he is. Yes, I know. So I thought as long as he isn't having company, and as long as he practically insisted, I'll just owe him a roast. Oh, my, it's a gorgeous one, isn't it? Yeah, well, I think maybe I ought to ask. Oh, I know he won't mind. I'll just borrow the pot, too, if it's all right. Take the pot, take the roast, take the whole thing. See, show him thank you for me, Bertie. I don't know if he's going to thank me. Now what am I going to do? Spend a whole day fixing a nice dinner. In comes the widow, and out goes the roast. That man, he'd give way his soul if the devil asked him nice. Be five full fun. I smell pot roast, yum, yum, yum. I don't know what you smell, Mr. Gilder Sleeve, but it ain't pot roast. Well, get it ready, Bertie. Get it on the fire. I'm as hungry as a bear. Mr. Gilder Sleeve, didn't Miss Ransom speak to you? To tell you the truth, Bertie, she seems to be making a point of not speaking to me. Uh-oh. But that's all right. I'm not speaking to her. Why, Bertie? Why do you ask? Oh, nothing, Mr. Gilder Sleeve, only, well, uh, there's been a miscalculation somewhere. Uh-huh. What do you mind? How's the movie, Leroy? Super. Slew to the Marines, Wallace Berry. It's about this old sergeant, that's Wallace Berry. He's crazy about the Marines, only they won't send him to China. So he... Leroy, get out that pot! Mr. Ransom, well... That's fine. Now go and call your uncle and tell him dinner's ready, such as it is. Hey! That's no way. Go and tell him nice. This is one time we got to bring it to him gently. Okay. You don't need to scream, Leroy. I hear you quite perfectly. Oh, I didn't see you, uncle. Dinner. Thanks. How was the movie? Super. Everything is perfect, except Wallace Berry dies in the end. He's his old Marines. Suppose you tell me about it later, Leroy. Where's your sister? Up in a room. Marjorie! What's the matter with her? Don't ask me. Probably Wally Ha stood her up or something. Oh, I'll have to talk to her. You go sit down, young man. Oh, Marjorie! Won't answer, huh? Marjorie! Dinner's ready, my dear. I don't think I care for anything. Well, you got to have dinner. You can't just lie there. What's wrong, honey? Nothing. Come on. Tell your old uncle. What's wrong? Nothing. I don't think that's anything to be so sad about. You wouldn't understand. Why not? Because... Well, there are lots of things. What? There's, uh... We're having pot roast for dinner. Pot roast? All you ever think about is eating. No, listen here, young lady. I want no more of this nonsense. I want to know what this is all about. Is it that Wally Ha? Hang on! Hurry up! Is it? Oh, why will nobody let me alone? Answer me. Is it? I thought so. He said he'd call me up. And he didn't. That was three days ago. Now, now. Maybe he just forgot. Why don't you call him up? I'd rather die. Well, I'm glad to hear you say it. I never did have any use for that loper. The less you see of him, the better. Why, I... Don't you say anything against Wally Ha? But, my dear, I thought... Let me alone! But you said yourself... Get out! Women I give up. Come on. What in the world are you talking about? Oh, yes. Tell me about it some other time. I kept you soup hot for you, Mr. Guilty. Oh, thank you, Verdi. Marjorie ain't coming to dinner? No, I guess Leroy and I'll have to take care of that pot roast by ourselves, Verdi. But don't worry, we'll do justice to it. Won't we, Leroy? Yeah. Mr. Guilty, let's face it. There ain't no pot roast. Verdi! No pot roast? I know I should have told you before, but I didn't have the heart not to mention the courage. But, Verdi, I bought it myself. I brought it home with my own hands. What's happened to it? Well, Ms. Ransom took it out of here with her own hands. Mrs. Ransom? Yes, sir. Why in the world did you let her do that? Well, she said she was having company for dinner, and she let all like you wanted her to have the roast. I didn't know what to do, and I figured she was your lady friend. She's no friend of mine, Verdi, and no lady either. Don't repeat that, Leroy. And her so-called company is none other than Judge Hooker. Why, that old goat, he's sitting over there right now eating my pot roast. That's women for you. I've stood for a lot, but I won't stand for this. You're going over there, honk? Well, I'm going someplace. I'm not going to sit here and eat a poached egg. Poor Mr. Gillespie. What a character. So anyway, along come the jabs. But Wallace Berry is ready for them. I'm Wallace Berry. Give me a cigar. I thought you wanted to hear you, won't you? Anything. I'm so darn mad. Peabee, anybody who has anything to do with women is not only an idiot, he's wasting his time. Well, I wouldn't say that. It's a fact, and that goes for all of them. I'm through with women completely and permanently. Again? Yes. I mean it, Peabee. You inquire around, and you'll find that women are responsible for nine-tenths of all the trouble in this world. Interesting idea, Mr. Gillespie. Would you care to enlarge on it? In the first place, Peabee, women are tricky. Well, now that you mention it. I'll go farther than that. They're sneaky. Well, if you have to remember, Mr. Gillespie, there are women and there are women. Yes, and those are just the ones I'm talking about. I tell you, they'll take advantage of you every time. You try to be a little polite to them, and the first thing you know, they'll come in and steal your pot roast. Oh. I take it there's been some trouble over a pot roast. Pot roast, rib roast, that's not the point. It's the principle of the thing. Mr. Gillespie, did you ever try a chuck roast? Now, there's a delicious cut that most people overlook, and it's economical, too. Peabee, I'm talking about women, not cuts of beef. No, no, I'm sorry. What was I saying when I was interrupted? Oh, saying that a man is a fool if he puts his trust in the woman. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. Mrs. Peabee, and I, we manage to... Yeah, I know, I know. Mrs. Peabee is an exception to all the rules. Well, I wouldn't say that either. I'm not talking about any one woman. I'm talking about women in general. Now, you take Marjorie, a nice girl. You wouldn't want a nicer one, but completely unreasonable. I tell you, Peabee, you can't even talk to him. It's a fact. You cannot have a reasonable discussion with a woman. Well? Well, I'm just trying to think if I never had one. That's one thing I like about Miss Goodwood. You can talk to her. Well, there you are. Miss Goodwood has a woman. All right, it so happens she's a woman. But she has a mind more like a man's. We're not talking about women anyway. Oh, when did we switch? Speaking of Miss Goodwood, I wonder, what time have you got, Peabee? Seven forty-five. I ought to take her something, though, if I do. Peabee, I'd like a box of chocolates. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Gouldersleeve. We haven't been able to talk to her. I'm sorry, Mr. Gouldersleeve. We haven't been able to get any chocolate for some months now. Or, you know... Oh. Well, what else can you suggest? This is for Miss Goodwood, I take it. You know darn well it is. Well, if what you say about the lady is true. What did I say about her? You said she has the mind of a man. That's right. What about it? Well, how about a nice box of cigars? You're a card, Peabee. You're a card. Brock Morton, I know you enjoy symphony concerts, don't you? Oh, yes, the symphony is wonderful. Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, they're all great-y. Toscanini, too. Toscanini is one of the finest conductors alive today, according to Time magazine. Yeah, they had that in Newsweek, too. I read somewhere the other day a list of the ten greatest conductors of all time, and Toscanini was ranked third. Only third? I'd like to know who's anybody conductor than Toscanini. I can't remember. Probably some great conductor of the past. Well, they're dead. You'd have a hard time proving they were better than Toscanini. Nespa? We miss you. We miss you. By George, it's a pleasure to talk to a woman like you, Eve. A woman that's been around. A woman that reads occasionally. Thank you. Oh, I've been meaning to ask you. I've changed my pictures around, and I want you to tell me which way is better. Well, now let's see. You remember, I used to have the Grant Wood picture here over the mantle, and the Cezanne still life there opposite the window. Do you think they're better the way I have them now? Oh, they look great. That Grant Wood picture certainly looks like a farm. It's beautiful. I read in some papers that Grant Wood was one of the ten best American painters. Did you read that? I think it was in life. Do you want me to put the pictures back where they were before, so you can tell which way is better? Or can you visualize them? Oh, I can visualize them. Don't move them. They're perfect just the way they are. Oh, I'm so glad you think so. I like them better this way. But it's nice to have a man decide things. Oh. Tell me throughout, Morton, who is your favorite painter? My favorite painter? Well, now there's an awful lot of painters. Another of my beloved authors is Dickens. Do you like Dickens? Dickens is great. One of my favorites. Which do you prefer? David Copperfield or the Old Curiosity Shot? Well, both very well written. Masterpieces. But I think I like David Copperfield better. Mr. McCorber is such a rich character. Oh, yes. He had plenty of money, all right. Money? Oh, I'm afraid you've got Mr. McCorber mixed up with someone else. Oh, of course. Money. I was thinking of Mr. Scrooge. In the Christmas Carol. Oh, I'm afraid you haven't reread David Copperfield very recently, Dr. Morton. Well, no, I skipped it this year. Uh, it's a beautiful dress you're wearing, Eve. I'm awfully glad you like it. Uh, are you fond of symphonies? Oh, I asked you that, didn't I? How about operas? Well, I've never been to one, but I love opera music, don't you? Oh, I sure do. I suppose you've been to the opera, haven't you? No, no, I've seen them in the movies, of course. Well, I'm sure that's not the same. But sometimes one hears a lovely aria on the radio. The idea is wonderful, don't you think? Great. One of my favorites. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Solomio, yeah. Of course, once in a while I like a nice musical comedy. You know, if it's well presented. Or an operetta. I heard John Charles Thomas once in a beautiful operetta. Oh, he's great. See, Eve, did you ever hear the story about the fellow that said he was fond of operettas, and the other fellow said, what kind of operettas do you like, and he said telephone operettas. I like a good story once in a while. Well, you know, you've got a nice laugh, Eve. Sounds nice. Looks pretty, too. I hope you mean that. Oh, I do. You look nice when you smile, too. I'll try to smile often for you. You will? Eve? Yes? The political situation is very interesting. Oh, I suppose so. Yes, mighty interesting. At least, well, there's going to be an election next year. I know, but I'll be holding the primaries very soon. The primaries are very important for you. Eve, I want you to know how much I'm enjoying our conversation. Most women don't care much for discussing politics and things like that. No, I suppose not. But you're different. You think like a man. Oh, but I'm not a man, Throckmorton. No, you're not. By George, you certainly aren't. Eve? What is it? Would you like to be kissed? Yes, but I thought you'd never get around to it. Yeah. Say, this is better than pot roast any day. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid I lost my temper a little this morning, talking to Floyd and the barbershop. But the whole question of food is terribly important. Food is one of the most important weapons in this war. It's becoming more important all the time. Right now, only a tiny percentage of our food, less than 1%, is going to the people our fighting men have liberated from the enemy. But as time goes on, more food will be needed for this purpose. We should be glad to give it, because food is a powerful psychological weapon for encouraging resistance among the people who have starved so long under the Nazis. The food we provide to the liberated peoples helps them to become self-supporting again, and to fight on our side, and at the same time, it holds out hope to those behind the enemy lines. These two factors can save thousands of lives of our own soldiers and sailors. So let's produce all we can, conserve all we can, go easy on the scarce items, and keep the rules. There'll be plenty of food for all of us, and the war will be over sooner. Good night, ladies and gentlemen. On this program was directed by Claude Sleek. This is Ken Coffin, speaking for the Caves Cheese Company, inviting you to listen again next week for the further adventures of the Great Yielders League. Welcome Ken to you from Hollywood.