 wow that makes me really upset no it doesn't well yet yes it does no it doesn't oh okay what is up everybody this is chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about mental health and what i like to do is pull different topics from the youtube community try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well being so if you're into that kind of stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell so yeah i'm doing a video on anna akana today she just made a video about anger and i'm like oh that's cool so i want to kind of dissect her uh video and try to offer you some tips try to unpack it a little bit and dive a little bit more into why anna akana is awesome but first before i do that i'm gonna do my little quick shameless plug for any of you who are struggling with anger issues i just released right there rewire your anger all right and it's only five bucks in the amazon store and you might be wondering oh chris where'd you get that sweet shirt from well those of you who missed my david dobrook video from now until christmas if you go to the rewired soul merch store and you get yourself a shirt or a hoodie use coupon code solution not only do you get 10 off but you get a free copy of my ebook all that information will be down in the description below so make sure that you check check that out but yeah the ebook is like 60 pages very short simple gives you a bunch of tools to manage your anger all right but anyways i'm glad i get to do another video on anna akana um some of you who've been subscribed for a while you know that i've been asking you like who do you feel are the most like mentally healthy youtubers and anna akana is definitely someone who keeps coming up and i was recently introduced to anna akana and i don't know much about it but i've watched like quite a few of her videos just trying to catch up and she's amazing she is awesome so over on our discord server huge shout out to everybody who helped me out with this i asked and said hey has anna akana been open about therapy in any of her videos and i asked for some clips and you guys sent me some amazing ones like this oh uh hey do you mind if we talk later oh yeah of course okay great possibly be oh my god there's so much time left in the day until it's later i've been in therapy for the past decade on antidepressants off antidepressants and just fully immersed in the world of mental health for quite some time so yeah one of the reasons that anna akana is so mentally well and that doesn't mean she doesn't have her own struggles but she has tools to overcome them is because she's going to therapy and i hope this inspires others to try therapy by the way real quick if any of you want to have fun with me in the comments watch how many people leave a comment without watching this video telling me that anna akana does go to therapy i saw that in my gabby hannah video that was titled similarly so i think it's gonna happen again in this video but anyways let's get started and if you're like me and you tend to have really bad boundaries you'll often find that you're resentful of yourself and others because you're often in situations you don't want to be in and the thing is we only have ourselves to blame i mean bad boundaries are learned but good boundaries can be relearned and it starts with taking responsibility for your actions and emotions so sexy right there that is that is such a huge point okay it's so big because there's so many things that can cause poor mental health right like we talk a lot about trauma and abuse or just even biological um conditions like clinical depression or sometimes anxiety disorders or other disorders right like bipolar but there's so many things that are in our control and one of the things that i keep trying to teach you guys is you know with so many things outside of our control when it comes to our mental health we need to hyper focus on the things that we can control so what an icon is talking about is how we how we cause a lot of our own problems like for example in my book rewire your anger there's another plug for you i have a chapter called like quit making dumb decisions right like what an is talking about is that there's so much we do to ourselves that causes our anger issues all right and it's difficult it's difficult to talk about this because some people who are just kind of passing by not not at a certain place in their journey yet a lot of people take that as like victim blaming right when we tell you to take accountability and responsibility for you know your mental health people say it like you know like oh my oh this wasn't my fault and that's not what we're trying to do people like Anna Akana people like myself we're trying to teach you to empower yourself and realize how many things that you're doing that are causing different situations in your life because if you can identify those and work on those i promise you i promise you that your life will get so so so much better because what i always try to teach people is it's a lot easier for you to fix you than it is to try to fix the rest of the world around you boundaries are these weird invisible and symbolic fences that are meant to allow us to protect and assert our authentic selves and they're in every facet of our lives i know we fear being rude or people not liking us or being viewed in a certain way so in the moment it's easier to violate our own boundaries and say yes to things we secretly don't want to do so yeah with these clips right here Anna is explaining how our lack of setting boundaries is causing a lot of our problems and i can identify with that a lot see so most of my life i was a people pleaser any of you who are children of alcoholics just so you know one of our common symptoms is being a people pleaser a lot of people who had abusive parents we can be people pleasers there's a lot of psychology behind that trying to please our parents earn their love and all that kind of stuff right so people pleasing can typically mean that we don't set healthy boundaries we say yes a lot so what Anna's talking about in the point of this video being about anger is is that i know in many situations that i would say yes to people i would say yes i would say yes to things that i didn't want to do right i would over commit it would cause me to be stressed because i told everybody yes and my schedule will be packed and i knew i just wanted to relax but instead i'm running around doing favorites for everybody right but the issue is is that we get mad at other people right and that is ludicrous that is absolutely ludicrous think about it for a second like where do we get the right to be angry at somebody else because we have poor boundaries you know what i mean and i get it and in a minute we're going to talk a little bit more about why we don't set boundaries but it's important to at least identify this so i want you to think about how many situations in your life where you're angry at somebody else because you didn't set a proper boundary with them and this could be friends family members co-workers it could be your boss you know like i know many times i would get mad at my bosses because i kept telling them yes and then i would get angry and say oh they give me so much work even though they gave me the option and i took it right because what i'm trying to let you all know and remind you of is many situations and many situations you have a choice all right and and i had somebody tweeted me something and i won't dive into that but there's always there's always a choice okay there is always a choice sometimes the choice might get you fired but there is a choice nevertheless all right because sometimes you might have a boss who keeps asking you to do something but really telling you but at the end of the day you do have a choice on whether or not you work in that place so remember like a lot of this is so you can empower yourself so you can start making decisions that will improve your mental and emotional well-being i mean you'll know when something isn't sitting right with you don't bulldoze over your intuition because you're afraid of a little confrontation it is possible to assert yourself without being a i love that part i love that part right there because so much so much of us not setting boundaries is out of fear right like something i keep trying to teach you all is to quit caring so much about what people think and what she's talking about is like like set boundaries without being a jerk about it like we can do that we can do that and that's something that took me a long long long long time to learn because i get very sassy some of you who are familiar with tough love chris i can get sassy right but some of my sass is setting a boundary you know what i mean so like for example if you didn't want to do something you can kindly say like no you know that's just not really my thing but you can thank them for inviting you you know what i mean like being you know a dad you know a sober dad i like to hang out i don't like going to too many social things i live in las vegas and hardly ever go out like when people come to visit me in las vegas like usually i try to stay away from the strip you know and i have no problem setting boundaries with people like yo i that's not really my scene i don't like doing that but especially as an addict and alcoholic and recovery like sometimes i tell people like no i don't really hang out at bars you know what i'm saying so like we need to do those things but we always like one of the ways that i personally balance that is i always thank people for the offer like thank you for inviting me thank you for you know putting that out there i really appreciate like i tell people i appreciate that you were thinking of me when you invited me to this thing all right and in most cases in most cases they'll completely understand so if you find yourself randomly upset check in are you needlessly overexerting yourself are you saying yes when you really mean no are you letting someone just take over what you want and if the answer is yes get excited to have a lot of uncomfortable conversations because the rewards are worth it right there right there i i hope you guys rewind write that down and memorize it okay like this is a healthy checklist to keep in your in your brain i made a video a while back about setting boundaries with people but it had like 10 or 15 things this is a very short simplest that you can use right so in any given situation this is why i try to teach you all to like start meditating practice mindfulness so you can pause right like i have a friend who over commits so much and they get angry at people right but it's because they say yes immediately like they say yes and then they tell me they're like oh my god i gotta do this and this and this and i can't believe they asked me to do this i'm like why don't you like take one second to pause and ask yourself right maybe if you're somebody who is not great with time management keep a calendar so when people ask you if you can do something like check your calendar and say yo like there's calendars on every single phone like just check it out and say oh i'm doing something that day or hey that's a really busy day like right now with my channel is growing i am trying to collab with a lot of different people i love promoting small creators i love working with other creators who i'm fan of and all of that right but i have to set boundaries with them like sometimes like i have to say oh hey sorry i'm really busy that day hey sorry i can't do the collab that day you know what i mean there's so many times that i have to set a boundary like that and part of it is so i don't over commit and i look at my schedule and see what else i have going on here now when it comes back to the fear the fear that we have right so not only do i tell you to quit caring so much about what people think about you i cannot i cannot emphasize this enough okay i made a video a while back that was called quit blaming others for your feelings but i will repeat it right now you do not have the power to make someone feel a certain way all right let me repeat that for the people in the back you do not have the power to make someone feel a certain way all right so in the same sense that we're talking about how you know we cause our own anger when we over commit the things and we don't set up healthy boundaries it's the same thing if we politely decline an offer or we or we set up a boundary to protect our own mental health and they get upset with it that's on them that is totally on them if we know that we're coming into that situation and we have the motives and the intention to be as kind as possible because sometimes you know we are fallible and if if we came off like a jerk or the other person perceived it as a jerk go ahead and apologize right but as long as your intention is never too harm right and you learn from your mistakes you cannot make anybody feel a certain way so quit taking so much responsibility for the way that other people feel right like think about that for a second why do you think you have so much control over how everybody feels if it was that simple why don't you um create world happiness why isn't everybody happy since you have the power to make people feel a certain way you see what I mean like when we phrase it like that it seems a little silly so just remember when you set up boundaries if somebody feels a certain way typically that's on them and they're gonna have to work on that themselves the same way you and I are trying to work on ourselves all right but anyways anyways I love Anna Akona so so so much I'm glad I got to make another video about her and if you guys want to keep giving me suggestions of like mentally healthy youtubers I think I'm gonna do Jenna Marbles soon maybe even Jenna and Julian but a lot of great suggestions have come up but in the comments down below let me know let me know how are you with boundaries can you relate to what I was saying are you afraid to set boundaries because of what people think can you relate to what I'm saying about like are you afraid to set boundaries because you think you're gonna make somebody feel a certain way like let's have a conversation down in the comments below because I guarantee I guarantee that you are not alone in this situation all right and just a reminder just a reminder my ebook rewire your anger is out but if you get any t-shirt or hoodie from the rewired soul merch store you get the book for free all right and use coupon code solution for 10 off and all the description uh information is down in the description what's wrong with my talking today anyways that's all I got for you with this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge thank you to all of you wonderful people supporting the channel over on patreon you are all amazing and if you want to check out the rewired soul merch store and click a tap right there all right thanks so much for watching I'll see you next time