 The W-fit company, makers of those fine-fit products, presents the new-fit bandwagon, starring Alice Bay. To come with me to Alabama, let's go see my dear old mammy, keep frying eggs and straw and hammy. That sugar-cured hammy. That golden-gravid hammy. And that's what I like about the style. Good morning out of the Harris residence. Alice has been up for some time, but the master of the house is just now coming downstairs to join his wife. Oh, baby, you really look luscious at this moment. Look at that peaches and cream complexion. And those big brown eyes and that blonde wavy hair. Oh, you really got it, kid. Phil, will you stop looking at yourself in that mirror? Help it if I'm adorable. You're playing outside on the swing. I want to speak to you about yourself. Yeah, what's up? Well, baby Alice will be starting school next year, and so will Phyllis before long. Yeah, they are growing up. What are you thinking? It might be a good idea to get them a tutor. No, honey, they're too little. They're liable to fall off that thing and get hurt. No, Phil, I mean someone to come in a couple of days and we can get them started on their ABCs. Oh, I don't know, honey. When I was a kid, I didn't have no fancy teachers coming to my house. Oh, you didn't have no fancy teachers coming to your house. Well, that's weird if you acquire your vast education. What are you asking? I got it off my old man. When I was five years old, he took me every place he went. Oh, I suppose you wanted you to see things to yourself. No, he just didn't like to get loaded alone. That's not true. It is true. My first words were... You haven't forgotten them either. But Phil, this is serious. Emily Williams gave me the name of an excellent tutor. He's done wonders for her boys. What do you mean? Her kid's 19 and he's still drooling. Anyway, I'm going to have a talk with his name. Well, I don't think too much of the idea. You don't want your children to grow up to be ignorant through you. Look, what was good enough for their father is good enough for them. That's just it. All right, all right. I'll leave it up to you. Look, I've got to get out of the studio. We've got a band rehearsal this morning. You won't be long, will you? No, no. I'll be right back after lunch. All right, goodbye. Come to think of it, I might be back before lunch. Don't you dare leave this house. You haven't had any breakfast yet. All right, Sissy. I'll grab something down for you. No, no, no, no. You sit right down here and drink a cup of coffee. I've been keeping this room for you. Well, bless you, Sissy. You're a beautiful creature, yes. Oh, Mr. Harris. You know I'm not beautiful. What do you mean? I bet if I'd have met you ten years ago, they'd have had the time eat down. That's all right, Mr. Harris. Ten years ago, I had to cut the rope. You're sharp as a biscuit this morning. It's a... What's that perfume you got on? Oh, I'm Mr. Harris. I don't use perfume. Well, something smells awfully good. Well, I did put a little vanilla extract behind my ear. Will you keep it up, honey? After all, Alice got me with a dab of bourbon. That's the funniest thing. Well, I try. Look, Sissy, thanks for the coffee. I've got to get down to rehearsal now. Oh, Mr. Harris. I wonder if sometime on the radio, your band would play a number for me. Certainly. Be glad to. Honey, what is it? Slow, gently. We've asked them. Hey, Sissy, Harris playing that one would be like Senator Bill Boat singing Yankee Doodle's Andy. Put away them rates and forms and start the pitch because here comes your Dixieland. Yeah, I still know that. What's wrong with you, Artie? You're going to take my mother-in-law to Anaheim. What again? I thought you just took her there last week. I know. She keeps coming back. Yes, and next time, get rid of her. Now, let's get going. Hey, wait a minute. Where's Frankie, my guitar player? I'm only here, Curly, getting a cigarette out of my coat pocket. Frankie, get up. You'll get glass in your tongue. I was just kissing it. Goodbye. Never mind. Now, let's get this rehearsal over with. I'm sure you didn't pick a number yet. Okay. Well, hand over that file and let's see what we got. Okay. Five minutes more. Lump fire. Blow gently, sweet. How did that get in here? Oh, here's a good one. Blue skies. Hey, fellas, let's give this one the once over. You got it? Okay. Now, take it from me. One, two. Come on. Who's the wise guy in the outfit? What's the matter, Bill? What's the matter? One of you bumps is playing the melody. What's wrong with you guys? You sound like something that fell off of the Manhattan merry-go-round. I can't get a come on, fellas. Let's try this number four here. And let's try and let's take the lid off of it. Bill, are you going to take my phone away? Ah, shut up. If you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Look me up. If you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Wear them in our men and love it. And the gals will show glad of it. So if you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Everybody's going to holla, holly-doo, holly-doo. Everybody's there. We'll say holly-doo, holly-doo. Wear them in our men and love it. And the girls will show glad of it. If you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Ask any one for rusty. Everybody knows of me. They'll tell you where I'm riding at, for ADCUC. So if you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Now we've got everything in Texas, looking up, looking up. With the moonlight on the prairie and the gal that painted prairie. So if you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Ask any one for filthy. They'll tell you where I'm at. They'll say that I'm in Galveston with a boxback coat and a set of hats. So if you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Look me up. We've got everything in Texas, looking up. Looking up. Am I rider or am I riller? Man, that makes me feel a bit less. So if you're ever down in Texas, look me up. So ride and take some taxes, or you'll wind up on the taxes. So if you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Where's the gal that's good at figures? And the cowboy's quick on figures. If you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Where every gal's array from beauty. It's high, it's high, it's high, it's high. What I'm trying to tell you is I can't wait to get back down there so I can hear sounds like this. You'll glad you come by. Don't you all forget to come back now, you hear? Bye now. Bye. I'm going to fill the Dolcy Palace for my Alice down in Dallas. So if you're ever down in Texas, look me up. Every woman wants her hair to be a shining example of well-groomed beauty and feminine charm. And every woman can have shining, radiantly-clean, soft hair by using Bitt's dandruff remover shampoo or Bitt's shampoo reconditions of the cleansers, making your hair soft and silky, shining with a glowing light of a firefly, and surprisingly easy to manage. Bitt's reconditioning action not only helps your hair wave more easily, but helps it keep the wave longer. And remember, Bitt's shampoo is good for all colors and textures of hair. Countless discriminating women find Bitt's shampoo a real aid to hair beauty, and yet it's so convenient to use. One reason is because it lathers and rinses out equally well in hard or soft water. And since it's completely soluble, only an ordinary water rinse is needed. Bitt's shampoo is economical, it's efficient. It's a shining example. A shampoo to give your hair well-groomed beauty and feminine charm. For beautiful hair, use Bitt's dandruff remover shampoo regularly each week. Bitt's is spelled F-I-T-C-H. Who person calls? Well, who do I sound like a hyena? Well, I don't know. Never mind. Now just get me the numbers, sister. Here's your party. I'm leaving the studio and I'll see you in a few minutes. Oh, Phil, I'm so glad you're called. I got the tutor I was telling about to the children. He's coming two days a week. Yeah, what's he like? Well, he's English and the children are crazy about him already. English? What is he? One of them snooty mademoiselles? Wait a minute, Alice. That's with an English tutor. They'll come and get us. They'll stone us. This will ruin me. They'll... the white boat man will be there. It's gonna ruin my social standing. Your social standing? Certainly, it's bound to ruin my reputation as a crumb. You'll be very good with the children. And look, Phil, when you come home, when you come home, please do me a favor. Try to be a little careful. What do you mean? I mean your manners and your grammar. After all, this means you look so nice and I wouldn't like to lose in the first day. Now, wait a minute. What's wrong with Harry? I'll tell you what's wrong with Harry. Limit your call to five minutes, please. You get off of here. Look, Phil, I don't want to criticize you, but please be on your best behavior when you come home. Listen, honey, you don't need to worry about me. I'll ride in there on an English setter. Phil, goodbye. I'll see you later. Who are you, Daddy, honey? I was telling him about Mr. Merton, your tutor. Oh, he's a nice man, Mommy. Well, I'm roughly half of your children like him. Why? Is he going to get better soon? Oh, no. No, no, he's just going to give you a few lessons so you and Alex will be all ready for school when the time comes. But why do we need a tutor? Dad doesn't think just about everything. Oh, did he, sir? Yes. Oh, Daddy, is this Monica? I thought she just rubbed them all off. Hey, Union, that was swell. That's all for today. I'll see you guys Sunday. Phil, hey, hey, Charlie. What is it, Frankie? What do you want? I've got a couple of pictures I want to show you. Oh, Frankie. Put them away. You're a big boy now. No, no, there's just a couple of snapshots of a little cutie I met in Santa Monica. How do you like this one? We're taking down at the beach. How long has she been in the water? She's a cute kid. She never goes anywhere without her mother. Of course, her mother will go anywhere. Yes, Frank. How could you stop it? You've got to stop hanging around that Jack Perkwood rehearsal. Well, I like it. Hey, we're having a little party tonight up at Harry's place. Why don't you drop over? Party? You're going to be saggy. Sure, there'll be plenty of games. Frank, I've been all over that with you. All through it, Frankie. I can't make it. Oh, yeah. For God's sake. Alice won't let you out. Well, it ain't that at all. I want to stay home. Frankie, when a guy's got butter in the icebox, he don't go out looking for a old Leo. You're a kid, Curly. You ain't the common yacht dog, Harris. I used to, though. You've been to Australia? Yeah, yeah. We ran into a couple of chicks the first night out, huh? That's right. That's okay. She's not around. Go ahead. We took to Dame Stanton? Yeah. And those outstanding girls really had to chew and jump it. They sure did. I didn't find out the two days later that mine was a kangaroo. Then I was doing what they call a never-more pit with a backswing glide. That was really good. Hey, listen, let me ask you something. Frankie, weren't those people in Australia Englishmen? I don't know. They were some kind of foreigners. Why? Well, Alice has a new English tutor for the kids, and she don't think I'm sharp enough for the guy. What do you mean? Meet him on his own ground. Talk his language. You know, go blindy, Governor. It's a bit sick out tonight. Ain't it all right? Frankie, do them Englishmen really talk like that? Sure they do. Well, no wonder them Russians don't understand them. I didn't know you went out. Yes, Sissy, I have to run down to my face for some books. Are the children about? Yes, I think they're right in the front room. I'll sing them a song. Oh, thank you very much. I'll go in. Oh, Mr. Merton, I didn't see you coming in. I was just saying for the children. Yes. Well, fill this analysis. If you'll just run up to the nursery, I'd like to have a little chat with your mother. All right, Mr. Merton. Well, Mrs. Harris, I must say you have too delightful just so. Well, thank you. Such attractive little types, and so articulate. Of course, I feel a bit of an outsider in their conversation. For instance, who is this person they continually refer to as hot shot? Well, I'm afraid that's the nickname they have for their father. By the way, Mrs. Harris, just what does your husband do? Do? Yes, what does his means of employment? Well, he's a musician. He's with Benny. Benny? Benny who? That's Benny. You know, on the radio. Oh, yes, yes. Forgive my ignorance. You see, I seldom listen to the wireless. What do you see, Mr. Harris? Mr. Harris has the office. Hey, Alice, I'm home. Alice. On in. Oh, all right. Mr. Merton, listen, this is my husband. Oh, how do you do that? Well, go ahead, Governor, this is a sick out tonight, ain't it, Governor? What say we pop down steep sides for a bit of off and off, Governor? I beg your pardon? Oh, Phil Harris, this is a fine way for you to come home. Don't stand there, Alice, though. It's far to see you under, Governor. Well, if there's anything I say, Governor, I say, oh, sir, I do believe you're pulling my leg. Apart from that, if you did, I was two feet from you. Well, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Harris, I believe I'll rejoin the children. I don't blame you, Mr. Merton. So long, Governor. Don't take no wooden tuffances. Phil Harris, just what was the purpose of that? What did I do? I didn't say nothing. Oh, no. Oh, you, if you did, we're off to shoot life for the bit of off and off. Don't take no wooden tuffances. No wooden tuffances. That's a tenth avenue of Englishman, if I ever had one. Well, I'm trying to take it. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Get one from Dumbledore. Don't worry, I'm doing all right. Look, I really laid it on him, didn't I? What are you beeping about? You told me to be refined, didn't you? You did this on purpose, you big clown. Just because the tutor was my successor. Look, honey, it don't make sense. That's with an English tutor. Why not? Well, let's face it, kid. You'd still be working at your old job if you hadn't slammed your elevator door on Sannick's foot. Ha, ha, ha. Phil Harris, you know I was never an elevator up. All right, all right. So you dropped one of your fans in his soup. I don't know. So, will you stop being so funny? I only want our children to have the best education we can give them. Besides, it will mean a lot to you, to me. Yes, it'll be kind of nice to have someone to read to you in your old age. It'll be kind of nice right now. I mean, maybe the guy's okay for the kids. I don't know. Well, after your performance just now, we'll probably never see him again. All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Well, I think you are Mr. Merton, an apology. All right, but he's a fella's an Englishman. Well, what about it? What about it? Frankie just told me them guys came over here and burned down the White House. Phil, that was in 1812. Well, then why don't they go home? Is the joint still smoking? Never mind that. I want you to speak to Mr. Merton. All right, I'll talk to the governor. I'll talk to... Mr. Merton. Ah, Luigi, how's the garden coming along? Oh, fine, maestro. Maestro, would Mrs. Harris like some flowers in the house for the company? Company. Ah, no, that's the governor. Oh, no, that's the tutor. Mrs. Harris has him for the children. Oh, yes, you know, maestro, it's a good thing to bring up the talent of the young. I'm never going to forget when Luigi was a little boy, I want to be the great the faith of the world has ever known. Hey, I never knew you want to be an artist. Oh, yes, I was the servant to emulate Michelangelo and Botticelli. Oh, by the way, maestro, do you like Botticelli? Yeah. Yeah, it ain't bad if you cut it with a little vermouth. Finally, I went to Paris to study art. I rented a charming little studio on the left bank. Oh, maestro, Paris was beautiful. I would sit by the hour in little sidewalk cafes sipping the wine from the provinces. And then at night all the beautiful models would flock to my studio and we would talk of life and love. But Luigi, didn't you do any painting? Maestro, I asked you with a set up like that, would you? But, too, maestro, I cut the side of these little pastimes and I threw myself into my work. For two months, I painted like a fury. I painted like a fiend. I painted like a madman. But nobody would buy my work. Why not? Maestro, they wanted someone who painted like a painter. Excuse everybody, Luigi. Play this thing. Hey, let me have some more of that. Well, how about... Excuse me, I wonder if you would say... Hey, mommy, Mr. Murkin was playing piano for a daddy's birthday. He's really hot. Well, that's fine. By the way, Phil, did you talk to Mr. Murkin? Yeah, to government me with pals. Now, we got it all ironed out, eh, Gabby? Oh, yes, indeed, Mrs. Harris. We had tried to discuss it on music. I compositioned myself at the London Conservatory. And, uh, and Phil discussed music with you? Yes, indeed. I learned a great deal on the subject from Mr. Harris. Now, what could Phil possibly do to you about music? Justice, my dear, won't you come with me to Alabama and let you see my dear old mammy? I'm buying eggs and groin and hammy. And that's what I like about the South. Yes! Ah, then you come and then you're at college. Yeah! You know, folks, first impressions are lasting ones. But you can't make a favorable impression if you have tell-tale dandruff flakes on your hair and scalp. Don't let dandruff work against you. Use this dandruff remover shampoo. The only shampoo made who's guaranteed to remove dandruff with the first application is backed by one of the world's largest insurance firms. You'll be impressed with this easy-to-use and oh, so effective shampoo. 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