 Welcome back to the 21 convention 2020 over Lando, Florida being held for the first time ever at 21 summit For being held for its first time ever here in Lando, Florida Our next speaker is the founder of bulldog mindset is a millionaire software entrepreneur and a huge youtuber with over a Quarter million fans and I on YouTube you subscribers Without further ado, please. I'll be welcome for the first time ever to the 21 convention stage John the bulldog son man. That's how you guys doing today Alright, so I thought I would talk to you guys today about how to become a man And this is kind of funny This is one of the things on my YouTube channel I get the most shit for is because one of my intros is you know I teach you how to be a man and people say I don't need to learn how to be a man. I've got a penis. I'm a man But it's not true. It's not true because you've probably heard a lot of other speakers here today a lot of really good speakers Say something along the lines of that women are born and men are made and and it's very very true And I think it's something that you know, I'll talk about this a little bit, but Actually, we're yeah Well, I'll talk about a little bit when we get to the point of like why I put together this speech But I think it's something that we all need to learn as men and it's something that I didn't learn When I was growing up So I'll give you a little bit of background kind of introduction to who I am My name's John Sanmez, you know as as Anthony said, I'm the founder of Bulldog Mindset and Really the the purpose of Bulldog Mindset is to get rid of The victim mindset right so many people today in the world, especially men have the victim mindset You already heard Steve talking about this right when he was talking about basically having your own Center of origin like your mental point of origin of being yourself and not complaining about women not bitching about the problems in your life Right and taking responsibility, you know, that's the opposite of the victim mindset So what I really try to do with Bulldog Mindset is to teach men, you know How to become men but how to become high-value men who take full responsibility in their life so Bulldog Mindset is really based on stoic philosophy as the mindset and then I look at the areas of life that you need to learn how to master as a man from Fitness getting in shape, you know becoming a strong man as Elliot Hulse talks about a lot From the the financial aspect right becoming your own man a self-made man In fact one thing that's so important in the world today If you've noticed is that unless you have financial freedom as a man, you do not have freedom of speech anymore You will be silenced. You'll be canceled if you don't have you know What what some people call fuck you money? You can't say whatever you want You'll get fired from your job. You'll be blackballed So it's really important to develop that and then finally The the dating relationship as a man you should be able to attract a woman You should be able to talk to them You should be able to cold approach a woman you should have those basic skills But so many men lack it today. So my story my background. I I went through quite a transformation That's why I created Bulldog mindset. That was really me in that picture there and You know, that's that's me as of recent. So What you see in the picture is a physical transformation but what actually happened in reality was more of an inner transformation because One thing I firmly believe is that your inner Your at your exterior is a manifestation of your inner So who you are inside it will it will show externally and and a lot of my transformation involved that But you know when I look at that that old picture, I don't even recognize the person I don't even know who that is because it's completely a complete change And this was before I learned what it was to be a man I didn't know at this at this point at this point. I would say in my life I'm what I would call a a full-grown boy Right, and I think that that's what a lot of a lot of men go through is that they don't ever make that transition Or they make that transition late, you know, I didn't make that transition probably in my life until I was Really probably about 33 so yeah, so I went through a huge transformation in my life and ended up Wanting to help other men to figure out the way, you know some some great people I see Jack Donovan here the way of men, you know books like way of men really guided me on that on that path If you haven't read that book by the way highly recommend it Okay, so I want to Talk to you I want to read something actually that I'd written When I was at actually another another great thing that helped me on the journey become a man at Elliot Hulse's Grounding camp actually Elliot Hulse was it was a big influence on me as well who spoke here as well But I wrote this when I was at his grounding camp Because he asked a question. What does it mean to be a man today and What I said was this I said what what does it mean to be a man today being a man today is the same as it's always been Men are made not born To be a man is to live with purpose To be a man is to trust in your own judgment and experience over everything and everyone It is to accept your full full responsibility for your life and to choose to reject the victim mindset To be a man is to feel deeply But not allow those feelings to control your action To be a man is to choose your own way To be a man is to live by your own principles instead of those dictated to you To be a man is to take risk to have courage to fight when necessary Make peace when possible To be a man is to reject weakness, but embrace vulnerability to be a man is to step up lead protect To take action and make decisions to be a man is to accept the consequences of your actions good or bad To be a man is to bring your gift to the world in love Even if the world rejects your gift even if you are crucified for it to be a man is to be respected among other men To have status among your peers among your tribe a Man is not swept away by emotion. A man has emotional mastery He feels the emotion, but he does not let it get a hold of him a man looks at disdain at Handouts and pity a man only accepts what he has rightfully earned To be a man is to never be finished never put the guard down Never drop the gloves fighting the battle anew each day Above all else a man seeks freedom a man seeks makes freedom in his life by conquering himself and exercising his own will So that's what it means That's what I'm gonna talk about today, and that's what it means to me to be a man So the first thing about being a man is Rejecting the victim mind so we already talked a little bit about what the victim mindset is But it's so so prevalent today That I really want to emphasize this point because many of us have the victim mind say we don't even realize it because We think that even if we are legitimate victims that it's okay to wear a badge of victim hood And we see this throughout society today. We see constantly The badge of victim hood being worn by people then being uplifted for being victims When you know truly strong men They don't want to be labeled as a victim even if they're a victim. I'll give you a story That that really presses this home point for me or this this point home for me I remember watching in the news. Maybe it's like a year and a half ago I remember seeing old Schwarzenegger at some event that he put together in South Africa and I remember watching this clip of this guy. He just runs across the the stage and he just drop kicks Arnold I don't know if you guys see that remember that okay, so This happens right and Arnold's like what he's like 70 something I mean, you know, he's still Arnold, but he's old. He's old man at this point Like he's getting getting pretty old and I remember him taking the hit and he I mean it was a big hit Like he moved forward. I mean it was he got drop kicked right and it hurt. It certainly hurt And then I think it was the next day on the news or maybe it was a tweet or something or someone's interviewing Arnold And he basically said they asked him they're like, oh, are you gonna sue him? Are you gonna press charges? What's gonna happen? How did it feel to get kicked like that? Are you okay, right? Is there any medical problems and and Arnold basically responds with Did someone kick me I didn't I didn't feel I thought someone bumped into me Right Clearly he was in a lot of pain I mean you watch they played the video back while he's saying this and and he's clearly moved like two feet All right almost falling over right. I mean that was a hard hit but see Arnold Schwarzenegger is a real man. He doesn't have the victim minds it He doesn't even with the legitimate claim to victimhood. He rejects it, you know, I remember growing up in school and getting beat up and Not telling my dad, you know when my dad asked what happened to you I didn't say oh these kids these kids picked on me There were three of them and they and they they took my lunch money and beat me up. I said nothing happened to me I'm fine Because I don't want to be a victim right and you know, I'll tell you guys this Because so many people are seeking what I consider the worst human emotion you could ever give to a person Which is pity I'd rather die Then give then have you give me pity pity is the worst and that and that is what victimhood is all about is choosing me victim And so, you know Don't get me wrong shit happens in life. We're not all dealt the same hand life is not fucking fair anyone Who tells you that is full of shit, but But here's the thing doesn't fucking matter because no one fucking cares You're alone in this world. It's you. That's it No one gives a fuck about your problems No one cares whether or not someone was fair to you whether or not the the deck is stacked against you and Wining and bitching about it. It doesn't change anything. The only thing that changes something is taking action So I could legitimize your victimhood. We could all everyone in this room everyone watching has some legitimate claim To victimhood, maybe you're bullied as a kid. I was bullied as a kid Maybe whatever it was you're genetically inferior in some way Doesn't matter doesn't matter if you've got short jeans or ball jeans or whatever it is You still have to deal with your life and so The solution to the victim mindset is Responsibility is taking full responsibility and saying, you know, it doesn't matter what the fucking game is I have to play it the best I can right and this is again One of the things I think a lot of the kind of red pill content Unfortunately, that that is preach a lot is is victim mindset. It's victim right, you know I've talked about some of the the migtail kind of things and again a lot of people say, oh well John You hate migtails. No, I don't I I love migtails by default as a man I'm migtail Okay, because I've always been going my own every man should be going his own way not someone else's way Right Steve just talked about his whole talk if you if you listen to Steve just talking before this That's the entire tea of his talk was go your own way But he didn't say bitch and whine and complain about it and blame other people Right, he said take full responsibility So that's the key is you want to get rid of the victim mindset You you think about what you can do what actions you can take how you can improve things and not the shit that you Can't control again This a lot of this come from stoke philosophy, right? If you haven't read stoke philosophy I highly recommend reading Seneca's letters to Lucilius. That's a great place to start if you want a little bit of a Soft introduction read the obstacle is the way by Ryan holiday Really good as well, but the whole idea is that the shit that you can't change Don't worry about it Focus on what you can change. In fact, I have a book up here by Victor Frankel man search for meaning So I'll give you a quick synopsis of this book if you how many of you read man search for meaning, okay? So Victor Frankel was a Holocaust survivor He wrote this book He was sent to a Nazi concentration camp. He saw his family killed his friends killed He was subject to all kinds of horrible torture and abuse Sexual physical whatever they did, you know what I mean and he wrote about all the things and The whole point of this book that that that he wanted to make was That you're not a victim because he didn't consider himself a victim what he said in the books He said that between when something happens to you and your reaction to it. There's a space and In that space you can interpret what it means And that's so key because that gives you power because here he was stripped naked in a concentration camp No sovereignty over his life from external appearances But he said I did not give up sovereignty over my life because I get to decide What I think I don't get to decide what the weather is or what people do to me how girls react to me I don't get to decide that But I get to decide how I interpret it and the and the story that I formed from that so That's how I highly recommend you read the book first of all man search for meaning But if anyone has a claim for a victim hood Victor Frankel does I mean not too many people have gone through what what he's gone through yet He rejected victim hood so whenever I hear someone bitching and whining and saying how they're a victim. I Can't hear it anymore. I can't hear it. I can't I don't have any empathy for it Because if Victor Frankel can go through the shit that he went through and not have the victim mindset Then then there's no excuse The next one is Developing emotional mastery This is another one that triggers a lot of guys when I when I talk about this because I Think Jesse Lee Peterson was was talking about this as well as that about anger anger So many people associate anger with a masculine as a masculine thing as a masculine emotion. I Say anger is weakness always anger is feminine why because It's the expression of anger when anger comes out anger controls you in fact scientifically anger short circuits the The thinking part of your brain it goes to the primitive the lizard brain and it makes you react Before you can process the thoughts of your head. So when you lose your temper Have you noticed that you do stupid shit when you lose your temper? I mean am I the only one okay? Why is that? It's because you're not in control anymore, and so if you want to be a man if you want to be sovereign over your life How can you lose control? I don't get in very many fights anymore But I I used to be a little bit rowdy and get into some fights. I remember I know how to size up a guy at the bar Okay if there's a guy I want to start some shit with me and he's yelling and he's screaming he's dancing around and he's like You know really getting in my face. I'm not afraid of that guy. I'll knock that guy out He's lost control. He's angry But if some guy is Has some kind of beef with me, and he he's calmly coming up to me, and he's like hey Let's step outside I'm like hey How about I buy you a beer? Because I know I know I know that guy is dangerous right we know it instinctually right That's the thing that's what anger so emotional mastery is so important as a man We always talk about how women are emotional. It's not a bad thing, but it's a female thing now I Have a system for developing emotional mastery, okay? I want to talk about three stages here of emotional mastery and by the way in this talk I'm gonna try and give you sort of my whole philosophy in life condensed so we'll see how much we get through it, but The first phase of emotional mastery is what what I call wearing your heart on your sleeve, okay? How many of you can relate to wearing your heart on your sleeve? All right. It's it's it's emo. It's it's going around crying and and saying oh gosh Nobody loves me this girl. She rejected me It's it's like it's the size like what's wrong with you Johnny. Oh Nothing just I don't know just I like this girl and she doesn't like me, you know, it's wearing your harness sleeve, okay? That that's where we mostly start. Okay. That's where nice guys are some of you are there right now. It's okay I was there When you're at that stage in emotional mastery Everything you feel you express Okay, it's very weak. It's very feminist childish. All right That's how you get pity people pity you they they don't want to be around you you dump on them You're you're emotionally draining to other people because you dump your you dump your baggage on them, okay? And what happens? How do you determine what you do in life? You're completely controlled by your emotions. You feel good. You do this thing you feel bad You do this thing you're angry you fly off the handle you do this your actions are completely influenced by your motion That's the first level Now what happens to a lot of a lot of guys is After experiencing that for a long enough time You figure out the solution, which is the second level of emotional mastery. I call it zombie mode in fact I guess I have slides for these Okay, so that's your heart and your sleeve Level two is emotional numbness Zombie mode, so you're like, hey, I got this shit figured out All I have to do is numb myself to emotion Right, it's what most people think stoic is that's not really what stoic is but it's what most people think it is But I developed a strategy in life. I remember going through the shit of wearing my I'm like I'm not wearing my heart in my sleep anymore. I'm invulnerable now You can't hurt me bitches and that was my my way of living and it worked I didn't feel any pain and no one could hurt me But you know what I had to get rid of in order to not feel any pain is I had to take off the I Had to put on Polarizing glasses. I had to see everything in black and white. I had to get rid of love as well I couldn't feel pain, but I couldn't feel love. I really couldn't feel anything at all. I was cold as they say But you know what it sucks kind of all the joy out of life. It's like looking through the world and seeing everything in monochrome Instead of seeing in color like life is meant to be experienced to feel things Okay, but when you're in this stage, you're at least better than the first Because guess what you can be a man You can be more like a man on the stage because you can act without emotion You can let your analytical brain and your logic determine your actions, which is critical as a man But it's where a lot of guys get stuck How many how many of you feel like you're honestly you're stuck at level two like you figure this shit out You're not a nice guy anymore, but you're stuck here. Okay, a lot of pickup artists This is why pickup ends up being something that's ends up not being very good because they get stuck here because they're like Oh, I fucked 50 girls. Okay. Well, did you feel anything? No, I have to keep on At some level, I'll feel something again. Right? It doesn't matter no matter how much your conquests is no matter How much if you are hiding from feeling experiencing emotion you're gonna be stuck so level three this is David Goggins right there, but big fan, but it's called feel the pain and keep on walking Okay now at this level What's happening is you're experiencing all the emotions there are you're not afraid of pain anymore You're not afraid of love anymore But you have something I'm gonna talk about in a little bit, which is called non attachment Okay, so you can fully experience emotions you're open to it But they don't control your actions Like they did when you were in your heart on your sleeve Okay, and what happens is now you're free You know, I love what Steve was saying in the previous talk when he was talking about About the guys are telling you don't be like a Don Juan don't romance and like just be this cold See you you if you're at the second level and you have emotional numbness you can you can you have to be that cold cold guy You can't actually experience anything you have to be careful. Oh, I don't want to give her validation I Don't want to you know do anything for a girl. I don't buy her dinner If you're a level three, you're like, hey, I'm the man. I don't care It's like I'm gonna experience and you know what if If you don't like me Doesn't matter I don't care. I feel the pain keep on walking. I'm experiencing life again All right, because now I was at level two for a long time It took me a long time to get to level three to be able to be to the point of being what I call being open Right because when we have emotions and obviously men have emotions, right? I think a lot of people mistake that they're like When it's like women are emotional little women are expressing emotions that they have See being a man is about Mastering the emotion you feel it, but it doesn't influence your action Not directly and so we have you know people who express their emotions level one we have people who repress their emotions level two not healthy and then Experiencing and letting go of emotions that's level three and by the way, I forgot to mention in the intro I'm trained for a hundred mile race David Goggins was a big a huge influence on me I remember reading the book living with the seal was running Like a 10 mile run and after I heard all the shit that that he did I I ran a full marathon the next day because I knew I could do it and some of it is just Understanding like seeing someone do it. All right, so let's talk about non-attachment So I think this is something really really critical. I did a video Maybe like a week or so ago that got some Some interesting responses. I called it why alpha males should fall in love right and What I talked about in this was this idea of again of this level three of emotional mastery where you're experiencing things You're experiencing the spectrum of life Because you're not afraid to get hurt because you can let things go see the problem with being blue pill. It's not There's there's like a surface level thing that that most people identify. Okay, this is Red Bull and this is blue pill Okay, this guy's a simp, right and this guy's this guy's not he's cold but The problem is not behaviors and actions because guys are like, oh should I you know I just had a guy that had asked me should I buy this girl a flower is it is it okay? Is it beta to pay for for dinner and my answer was if you're asking me What then then it is because you should just do whatever the fuck you want But the only way you can do whatever the fuck you want is if you have non-attachment if you're not attached to the outcome Right, and you're able to let things go. So what does that mean? I? was explained to One of my coaching clients I was like it means that you could go out and if you want to pick up a girl fine Okay, so you go out to a bar you pick up a girl and you fall madly in love with her for that evening and you Experience all there is to experience but tomorrow when she's gone You're willing to let her go now. I'm not suggesting that you have to do that or that you have to Pick up girls at bars. It could be a long-term relationship That at any moment you're willing to let it go What what it means is this and this is how you get to understanding what non-attachment is see everything I have in life It's not mine. It's all borrowed Including the atoms that make up my body Someday all of these atoms that I have are going to return from whence they came. They're not mine I'm only using them for right now the money. I have the the muscles I have the relationships I have All of those things just like everything in life is temporary and it's not yours We suffer loss because we think shit is ours When you let go and you realize that it's all just a gift, I always like to say everything's gravy You're not attached Because it's just a bonus. It's a bonus. It's something that was given to you in your life in order for you to enjoy For a period of time it doesn't matter if that time period is a single night or ten years or a hundred years Right if you live that long No, it doesn't matter because everything is temporary and everything will go away And so the stronger that you hold on to things The worst that you are and I know for you guys They're suffering with the nice guy syndrome and have problems with women in relationships And why do they abuse and treat you badly? It's because you're trying to hold on to them like this butterfly You're crushing the butterfly. You have to let things go. You only have to you have to let things be whatever They're gonna be and to be okay with the outcome again a lot of this is deeply wrote in stoke philosophy It's called a more fahti the love of fate Right literally I wake up in the morning, and I think whatever the fuck happens. I'm glad it happened that way I've trained myself to do it because any other response to life is Insane and ridiculous Why? Because reality is what reality is If you don't like reality, it doesn't change reality. It doesn't mean I don't have a Motive in life and that I don't take action And I don't try and and make my destiny what it is, but whatever actually happens. I say that's the best fucking thing I'm glad that that fucking should happen, and I mean it Because that's the only way it could have happened and there's nothing I can do to change it doesn't mean I don't learn doesn't mean I don't I don't have ambition But I accept it and that's how you develop non-attachment and once you have non-attachment You're invulnerable because nothing can hurt you Because literally every single fucking thing that happens. It's awesome. It's great. It should have happened that way you either win or you learn another step in Becoming a man that I discovered Is killing your father? Metaphorically, okay, I know you guys So what does this mean? It means this okay It means killing the idea of your father, right? So we when we grow up our fathers to us They're the king. They're the tribal leader We seek approval from our fathers Rightfully so we should as we're young men as we're boys as before we've gone through the initiation and What has to happen at some point is we have to throw off that value system, right? We have our father's value system We decide what is good and what is bad in relation to what does our father approve of? At some point we have to become the father we have to become the tribal leader and so we have to metaphorically kill The value system of our father. We have to say you know what dad. I Love you right but I'm my own man now and I have my own value system, and I don't need your approval. I Still love you But my value system what I think is right my judgment Rules my life. I am the king and It and so many guys that I work with so many guys I coach This is the final they can't do it. They can't bring themselves to metaphorically kill their father I had to have this conversation with my own father. We had a falling out for about a year and a half Maybe two years, you know, he's gonna watch this video because he watches all my my videos were the we're the best of Buds now because he's an awesome guy, but He very much was very controlling. He would use guilt on me You know, why aren't you why don't you come if his blood is thicker than water, you know, he would use all these skill tactics and At one point I had a conversation with him on the phone. I was like, hey look dad. I said I love you, man But I don't allow anyone who treats me the way that you treat me to be in my life Doesn't matter like I don't accept. These are my boundaries. This is who I am as a man and He didn't give a shit He ran right over that he's like who the fuck do you think you are I raised you are you only your I said I said I didn't get into I said, you know what? Totally respect your position. I said I would probably feel the same way if I were you Regardless what I said stands He said well, I'm not fucking talking to you you fucking ungrateful son of a bitch And I said love you dad totally understand all right We didn't talk for about a year and a half You know eventually eventually he came around and understood. Hey, I Want to have a relationship with my son who's now a man and now we have a great relationship But I had to do it wasn't believe me It wasn't easy to be on the other end of that phone for one It wasn't easy to say what I had to say but for a second It wasn't easy to not get sucked in To the argument because I wanted to give him all kinds of reasons Why I was doing what I do but as a man one of the things I talk about is you don't complain explain or apologize Your word is your word what you said it doesn't need to be explained to someone You don't need to justify your actions you take the action And you accept the consequences of that action But you don't have to have everyone have buying You don't have to have them understand why you did what you did a lot of you that are stuck in the nice guy It's because of this is because I go well If they could just understand No, no apologizing one good exercise for you guys that are that are stuck with this is I Sometimes get to my email someone email me it's like three days later, and you maybe you've done this like you start to email and the very first thing You type is sorry, and then you got to delete that. Nope. You can't start with sorry, and then you say I said this conference for three. Oh now you're trying to explain. Nope delete that Just fucking type. You don't own explanation. You don't own apology You are who you are So getting back to killing your father What this means is developing your own value system in life and and so many guys so many young guys I talked to one of the biggest problems that they have is that and it doesn't necessarily have to be your father because some some of you didn't grow up with the father you didn't have a father figure but Society the world has become your father your surrogate father And the problem is that your value system is whatever the world tells you or someone else does I had a video up on my YouTube channel, and it got like 13,000 down votes and 1,000 up votes And the most common comment on that YouTube video was See you're wrong. I can't believe you still have this video up I can't believe you haven't taken it down by now, and I thought holy shit You guys think that I should take a fucking video down because other people don't like it I didn't make the fucking video for other people. I made it because I believe it if I believe something and 13,000 fucking people tell me I'm wrong that doesn't fucking change it for me. I Still believe it because guess who's the most important fucking person in my life. It's me My value system is the most important I I judge things by what I think if they're good or bad and so many of us have gotten away from that and we judge Things by whether other people think they're good or bad You can't be a man unless you have your own value system That's why you have to metaphorically kill your father because your father in this case represents the value system that you're adopting Getting approval seeking approval from the father from other people from society Seeking validation. You have to kill that the next one here is One also I struggled with which is conquering fear. I Had a good period of time where I was afraid to fly on airplanes. I Was I was afraid to go on roller coasters as a kid. I slept with the lights on some nights I Had this one moment in my life though that changed everything. Oh, there are two moments So one thing was I started to get these panic attacks. I remember going into work one day Felt like I was knocking in a deep enough breath Then I started to think about that and I couldn't stop thinking about it for two fucking weeks I couldn't stop thinking about it And I was afraid I was afraid I was gonna die and That that was the point in my life where I was like I could lose everything I could lose everything because of fear because what I always thought like the reason why Allowed myself to have this fear of airplanes and fear the fears that I had was because I thought okay, well Eventually the fear will go away But that's not how fear works what fear does is once fear as a foothold It takes more and more and more of your life and I found that I was being afraid of more and more things and so One thing that really changed things around for me as out of Tony Robbins seminar at date with destiny and Tony was on the stage and he said something that just struck me That impact it completely changed the course of my life There's not a very many things I could say that people have said that have completely changed the course of my life but he said He said the Now now I forget it Let me see he said Okay, all right the quality of your life is In direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty You can comfortably live with I'll say it again the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty that you could comfortably live with and so I Don't know if you guys have seen Final destination. I think it's too It doesn't really matter. There's a scene in final destination and then whatever it is where the main character You know, he's avoiding death because death is coming for him next if you're familiar with with the theme of the movies, all right and He figures out, okay, well fuck it's coming for me So I'm gonna go to this cabin in the woods and I'm getting revolved sharp objects and a taper being to the walls There's a scene where he's sitting there with some fucking oven mitts on his hands and he's trying to eat some food out of a can and he's all alone in This cabin in the middle of nowhere with oven mitts on his hands And he realizes that he's not living his life that he might as well. He's already fucking dead He killed himself. He might as well be dead rather than sit in the cabin Waiting it out to make sure they doesn't die for the next 30 or 40 years, right? And I was like shit. That's me That was me That's what fear was doing in my life because I realized I was trying to build this fortress around myself okay financially I made a lot of money had a lot of real estate investments Trying to make it like so nothing can fucking hurt me financially didn't take any more risks anymore I was like I got to pay off all the properties Have my money coming in and I did that. All right, so I had my financial fortress I had a physical fortress that was I'm not gonna do anything risky fuck that I'm not flying on airplanes doing roller coasters none of this stuff forget combat any of this stuff, right? Emotionally No one's gonna hurt me I'm not gonna let anyone in right that was when I was at level two zombie mode of emotional mastery and You know finally When that when that happened I remember leaving that conference and I changed my entire life around I Got on a plane. I got on a roller coaster I went for the I went and found the most ridiculous roller coasters that I could ever find and started riding those I Started taking out my walls. I Started allowing Myself to be open and to not care what other people think to not concern myself with all those things I conquered that fear because here's what I learned about fear is because I remember sitting on the airplane Trying to put my headphones on trying to play Nintendo DS and Trying to block out the turbulence and then and trying to like Trying to suppress the fear trying to say oh, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I don't feel the fear See fear just like all emotions. You can't control It's instinctual You can't control fear No matter how much you try and control it and try to block it out and say I'm not gonna be afraid. I'm not afraid You can't control fear. It's not your fault, but what I learned Now I wish I would have learned it sooner Is that you can always choose to have courage? Fear is uncontrollable, but courage is a choice Not only is it a choice, but it's like a muscle The more that you exercise courage the stronger It becomes and it nullifies fear. You never you don't have to get rid of the fear when you have courage and at any moment You can just make the choice to have courage. You cannot make the choice to make fear go away But you can always make the choice To have courage and once I learned that little trick then I started reinterpreting things I got I was talking about Victor Frankel man search for meaning about Being able to have a space between what happens to you and and your reaction and you get to interpret that So I started reinterpreting fear as excitement Right. I remember Back in the day when I was completely afraid to talk to women. I Be terrified what will happen? I changed that into excitement because I'll tell you what The highest high that you'll ever have in your life Is that moment right after you conquer fear? It's that it's that if you've ever ridden a roller coaster It's that after you come all the way up and then that drop when you first go over That's the that's the highest high that you'll ever have in life is when you conquer fear and You get addicted to that shit, but that requires to have courage So every time that I get into a fearful situation now, right? So maybe I was a little bit I mean I've I've spoken on stages a lot in the last few years But I was a little bit afraid to get on the stage today, but then I thought yeah, this is good This is exciting. Maybe I should just throw away the slides and just like make it even more terrifying right because I know the exhilarating fucking feeling of forcing myself to To grow that courage a little bit more And I'll give you one quick tip here since we have enough time on conquering fear Okay, how many of you have ever struggled with fear? All right, I'll give you I'll tell you how I got over overflying on the airplanes So I don't remember the source of those. I decided but when I was doing the panic attacks and stuff. I had this I found I tried everything. Okay tried blocking it out tried, you know, I went to I got medication which I didn't take I went check my lungs all kinds of stuff, right? But I found this one it wasn't even a YouTube video some web page There's an audio and the guy was like, hey When you're having a panic attack, this is what you do. He said stop trying to block it out He said turn it up From a seven to an 11. He's like try to feel as much fear as you can Just feel all that shit. Just like be like give me your fucking worst Right and because the default when we feel fear is to hide away from it to try and block it out To try and ignore it, right? We I don't want to see the fucking lion over there And I'm not looking at you, right animals do this. You see when when a dog's afraid, what does the dog do? If you if you have a dog and you yell at a dog, what does it do? It's like Like I can't see you, right? That's what we do So here's what you do. He said turn it up try to feel the fear as much as possible. So I said, okay I've tried everything else. I might as well try this So I had the panic attack and I just said Take me Like fucking kill me. I don't give a fuck like just give it to me. Let me feel as much fear bring it on bring it on This is all you got bring it on Because you know what it turns out to be is that the thing that we actually fear is fear itself. You've heard this But it's true. I was instantly cured Instantly cured instantly. I went back to work. No more panic attacks I did the same thing with the airplane. I was like, well, shit. I've got the I've got the solution now So I booked a plane ticket Booked a window seat Opened up the shades Said you're gonna look out the fucking window the whole fucking time On takeoff. I'm looking out the window. No headphones. Nothing. And then I'm like, all right when turbulence comes It's bouncy time. Let's let's jump in the seat. Let's let's let's scare all the other passengers, right? And that's what I did. I'm like turbulence is coming. I'm like, whoo Yeah Right people are looking at me. They're like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy and there was some bad turbulence I mean, I was scaring people now. They're scared now. They got phobias to fly on the airplane, but I was having a good all time Because I just let myself feel that I was afraid when I was going whoo But I was letting myself feel the fear And once you realize that that's as bad as it gets Fuck you've already experienced as bad as it gets, right? It's like when you have a really bad headache And you're like, well this headache is a 10 out of 10 Can't get any worse So then you just accept it and then and then the fear disappears And so that's that's my little tip if you're struggling with any kind of fear I did this for roller coasters. I I did if you're struggling with approach anxiety Same fucking thing. Just like this is really fucking scary go up to the girl and be like This is really fucking scary What do you think? And I mean, you're not gonna get you're probably not gonna have success But you'll feel fucking good about it. You'll be like, yeah, shit. I just talked to this fucking intimidating girl Good job Right, you'll go home and and you'll you'll you know, you'll be happy So next one Become physically strong. This picture here is from uh, eliot hols's Grounding camp event lifting lifting a stone there You know This is something that I think all men need to To do And and it's not just because Be a big strong man There is some element to it for sure right But it's because What physical discipline does to mentally see Guys ask me all the time. How can I develop mental toughness? How can I be like you? How can I like run if you guys don't know I'm I'm training right now for a hundred mile race I'm about 230 pounds. So running an ultramarathon is is it's definitely a little bit tougher for me but I've run like six marathons and I ran a 50 mile race earlier this year And It was something I thought was completely impossible And and and people are asking me why would you run a fucking hundred miles? First of all, you're not built for you're not going to win it I don't I know all that But it's it's because of who I'm going to become in the process and I want to go through all that pain Because I know that that will make me stronger. See the the process of becoming physically strong Disciplined It develops mental toughness better than anything else. There's no other formula that will develop mental toughness guaranteed. I guarantee you If you start training for a fucking marathon, you will become mentally tough Physical discipline develops mental toughness. And so as a man You need to have mental toughness because how are you going to have emotional mastery if you don't have mental toughness? Right, you have to be able to it takes a lot To feel the pain and keep on walking. That's not easy So Really important as a man to become physically strong start lifting weights start going to the gym start pushing yourself To the physical limits Also, if you've never pushed yourself to the physical absolute physical limit, you don't know what it is to live because At the very greatest pain that is self-inflicted upon yourself through physical exertion Comes the greatest euphoria That's when you really know we're in your life when you can't breathe And you're you're huffing And you feel like you can't get enough air in your lungs and they're on fire and your legs are burning That's when you know you're really alive this one also important developing competency right as men We have to have some kind of skills some kind of value some kind of worth I thought about doing a talk about being a top 5% man But what I mean by competency here is The idea of being able to be a self-made man I've been able to procure for yourself, right? I have a video on my channel about About guys like 18 or i'm 30 and living from home and I rip into the guy I'm like, hey, you know, you're not a man if you're living from home And a lot of people don't like that video. They're like, oh, no, you don't know you don't understand You don't and and my whole point of this is that like as a man, you know We hear the protector and provider You need to be able to provide for yourself 100% But then have some left over to provide for other people And if if you think back in in time it makes fucking sense because if you're part of a tribe And you can't even take care of your own needs What value are to the tribe as a man? You're not any value. You should be surplus You should be able to take care of everything for you and then some For the others because not everyone in the tribe Can hunt Some people have to cook what the women have to you have to be able to provide for the women and the children You have to be provide for some of the men that are weaker or elder or not able to so To be a man to not have competency to not be able to at least take care of yourself Be self-sufficient is is to not be a man at all Oops All right, so I'll just give you a couple of ending thoughts here just a few points Since I didn't have time to expand on every single possible thing The first one I just want to say here and it's been talked about a little bit is don't be jaded There's a lot of content out here in the man's sphere today You know red pill content big towel content. I don't care, you know, I don't have People that I hate All right I love all you guys. All right And and I hope I hope you've seen it today, you know You know guys like like coach greg here awesome awesome awesome brother, you know, elliot Jack who I'd mentioned like, you know, steve who's here We some of us we have different viewpoints. We have different viewpoints Okay, but I think what you'll find Amongst all of us here, which which I really appreciate about this convention Thank you anthony again for inviting me and putting this on Is that we all reject the victim mindset? We might think different things about cold approach or choosing singles or what that's fine. We can debate all those things, but as men We come together and we're not jaded. We don't we don't see things from a jaded viewpoint We see things as reality. I want to know what reality is clearly and I want to I want to thrive in that reality, you know, I need to know the rules of the game So I can play it correctly, but I'm not going to complain about the rules of the game One thing I'll say Again here is beside learning to be a man learn to be a man in a relationship Really important a really good book. I like it's called the way to superior man by david data A lot of guys learn how to pick up girls, but they don't learn How to deal with the emotional storm That women see women are looking for a man to be a rock And the more feminine of a woman that you get The more she's going to be emotional the more she's going to blow over you like a fucking hurricane And you have to be able to stand there That's where that emotional mastery comes in And be like and take her craziest craziest bitchy Yes, every the greatest fear of every woman is that some guy will discover what how much of a crazy bitch she is And not accept her If you want to be successful in a relationship as a man, you have to learn how to how to do that Learn a cold approach I think it's a useful skill for you guys to overcome fear. I a lot of personal development came from that I'd recommend no long-term relationships until you're at least 30 to 35 Let me tell you by that time you got all your shit together. You know who you are your ground is man You got your physique. You got your money Right Again, you don't have to follow this, but I'm just saying from my experience. This is what I'd recommend I already talked about this one. Don't explain don't complain explain or apologize Bring pain upon yourself See the pain that's thrust upon you Does not produce growth, but the pain that you bring upon yourself willingly That produces growth pain is coming for you It's gonna it can either drag you out from underneath the bed kicking and screaming or you can go and fucking face it So you might as well fucking face it and then One thing here about goals I could give you a whole talk on this, but Believe me, I learned I achieved most of the goals. I had in life. I retired at 33 And it was the most depressing period of my life Because that was my goal for my whole life. It was was to retire young But what I'll say about this is that what I learned from that experience was that Don't make goals about what you get make goals about who you become Again, I talked about running a hundred mile races here The only reason why I'm doing it is because I want to become the man that ran a hundred miles There's no other goal. There's nothing I don't care about a fucking medal. I don't care about an accolade I care about becoming that person all my goals in life now or I choose goals based on who do I want to become And then I've said this but I'm just going to bash it in your head read stoic philosophy To me, there's there's no better guide for a rational approach to life, but So that's what I what I got here. We'll have some open for some questions in a second here, but uh, yeah, thank you guys All right, who's got some uh some questions Thanks for the the talk that was really informative really great been watching you for a while and I like what you do Um, I just wanted to ask so you described being Retired and then kind of having some some emptiness around that and then kind of making your own your own path And not being retired. I'm kind of searching for that that goal And I'm just wondering am I going in the wrong direction or was part of the path that you kind of went through First achieving that and realizing it wasn't what you needed Do you think that was necessary for your journey or could it be better achieved just by going straight to You know the the end goal of becoming what you want to be Good question. So it was necessary for my journey Probably it's not necessary for yours like a lot of this shit that I did was necessary for my journey so that I could come here and Be like be an example of what not to do so I could teach so I could empathize right And but but here's the thing it's like if you can learn the shortcut it's better right and the shortcut is this is that If you think that something Is going to make you happy you're wrong if you think when I was A dork I thought oh if I got the hot girl Then I just the one hot girl and then it was oh if I get 10 of them And then it was like oh if my notch count is no never it didn't matter It's a it's called a hedonistic treadmill doesn't matter When I get this much money when I retire right all those things I went through every single one of them I said when I have six pack abs. Oh, but then it's like not it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter all those things You'll you'll never be happy. You should be chasing fulfillment. Fulfillment is real simple. It just comes from Putting in the work It's the one thing we're trying to avoid is work, but it's the most fulfilling thing The time you're most fulfilled in life is when after a day of really hard work where you put in the fucking effort Where you accomplish something where you made some personal growth Personal growth is the key. That's what you should be after so Now part of that process can involve making money be retiring that that's great But you can't make that the end goal Right because there's nothing no matter what it was at one point. I was sitting in a cubicle and I dreamed I said If I could blog for living Then I could just sit in my underwear and I could just type some shit And And I can make money and it'd be so great And I wake up in the morning and be like fuck this shit. I don't want to write anything Even today right like my most of my life today is like I make youtube videos I get to talk to people I get to coach people for a lot of money And I wake up sometimes I'm like, uh, I don't I don't feel like fucking recording youtube video like you see what I'm saying It's like none of those things it doesn't matter what you attain You'll never be happy. There'll never be enough But instead if you if you recognize like what makes you fulfilled, which is important being happy doesn't fucking matter Being fulfilled is what matter. I'm fulfilled. I could die tomorrow and I'm all I mean I got shit I want to do but if I died tomorrow It's it's fine. I lived a full fucking life Because it's it's it's what it's it's not what I did. It's how I did it And I live my life now based on the idea that I have to put in the work that the work itself is enough and the bavad Gita it said that, you know he says or the the bavad Gita says that You're entitled to your labor but not the fruits of your labor right, it's it's a really interesting concept. It's like That's the thing that's actually the thing the fruits of the labor is what we think is the thing It's kind of like dopamine right dopamine is a chemical in your brain that makes you have motivation It's not the people think that's like when you get something you get pleasure and you get dopamine. No, no It's the pursuit of it. It's the same thing you're entitled To your labor but not the fruits of your labor It means that the thing is the labor That's the thing you have to be think about putting in the work Not about what you get and you'll get the stuff It'll come if you put in the work But think about putting in the work and let that be the reward enough It's really really meaningful if I could just follow up real quick So chasing fulfillment and kind of focusing on that that makes perfect sense The fear and the sticking point for me is you know, I could go after what I really care about and not make a living and Kind of struggle that way and so it's it's more along the lines of like I can do what I What makes money and what I don't like right the the corporate cubicle life Or I could go after something that there's a lot of fear and a lot of uncertainty Maybe I can't make ends meet that way And so how do you how do you get past that don't shut off your logical brain make a plan? I mean it's still it's still fine to make a plan to do something that makes financial sense right Because again, it's not about what you do. It's about how you do it Because shit's gonna suck Work sucks The best job I had I had a porn store on my a male porn star on my youtube channel I interviewed him. I was like, I knew I knew I wanted I've been wanting to ask a male porn star this question for a long time And I was like, hey So you ever wake up in the morning and you and you don't feel like going into work You're like fuck. I don't I don't feel like it today. He's like, yeah, it happens a lot I'm like, all right. There you go guys I don't know what kind of fucking job you think you're gonna get where where you're gonna be happy all the time You're gonna love it because if this guy doesn't want to go into work someday You're all fucked, right? So It's not what you do. It's how you do it. You could have the I could be I could be happy shoveling shit all day Because if my mindset is such that I'm I'm about doing I'm focused. I'm present. I'm doing the work I'm doing the Lord's work. Whatever it is. It doesn't matter what it is because it's how I do it It's not what I do. So it doesn't matter what the fuck you do It only matters what you bring to it, right? Passion is something that you Bring it's not something you find You create passion. In fact, you know, I talked to a lot of black pill guys and I agree with them Life is meaningless. I can have a completely nihilistic viewpoint in life. I 100% agree, but guess what? We bring meaning to life. We create Meaning and so all the shit that we do carrying a suitcase going to work training paper around and all the shit Mostly it's fucking meaningless. We just created this whole this whole illusion of meaning behind this thing But in our own lives we create them We do the things that are meaningful and we make it have meaning the universe doesn't have to Maybe there is some order or some purpose of universe. I think there is but what my point is that it doesn't matter Is that we create the meaning and that's and that's how we live our lives. Thanks so much. Yep John, hello. Thanks for the talk You showed a before and after picture of the body transformation. How long did it take you to get from one to the other? So I mean to to go from the the first to like Looking looking pretty good like not at that level was probably about about two years But I mean those those photos are more than 10 years apart, right? I didn't really dial it in until the To the end so So when you are at your peak In terms of physical fitness and you're putting in a lot of time to build your body and your life your mind your soul and everything Obviously that's sometimes It leaves you with less time for a relationship and committing to someone and spending time to kind of develop that relationship How do you handle that commitment without making the other person feel that you're not giving them what they want Enough that they feel safe and secure to be with you That's not your responsibility so And this is I think this is really important I should actually put this on one of the points on the slide is that one of the things about being a man That's really important Is that The mission is first always And and and women want a man who does not put them first women always want a man who puts the mission The purpose first your purpose in your life Has to be number one and everything else has to come secondary to that And it's not your responsibility for people Feelings how they feel about that You have to do your mission as a man and it may mean that you're going to lose relationships It means that you're going to lose some people in your life Some people aren't going to like you believe me the courses I've taken in life have have ended many relationships with many people For various reasons But my mission is always going to come first my purpose in life I cannot be me unless I'm making my purpose and my mission in life come first and that it requires sacrifices But that's what it is is to be a man in my opinion so Thanks All right last last question and the problem that was actually a really good speech. I appreciate everything that was said Um, so when you talk about being stoic in the sense that hey like you have to perceive this reality in one way I know when people have this predetermined seat of knowledge that they're embedded like as far as like as they're raised like rearing from Either mom or dad or both Um, what if like the perceived reality that you want to go and see like as far as like, you know being a man Um, what if that conflicts with like someone that like kind of who you are like? I don't know if you have any like, um I guess Tips on how to like overcome certain biases that help you become You know the person that you want to be just because of like Knowledge that's conflicting or like what you're presented if you know what I'm saying So you're saying that What if like the values I presented here Conflict with who you actually are Or likes things that like they open your eye up But like you like it's kind of like you're just taking a minute to like sort of digest I guess If that makes sense like how do you what would you recommend like how like how would you Take it Give me like a real like This is the question. Yeah, sorry So like you're you're pretty much like given the certain set of like information or a certain aspect But you want like you yourself want to go and like look at it that way But it's kind of hard to like have you had that transition to like a real like a realization Oh, like this is how it's supposed to be like are there any tips that you can like give me? I guess to like how to accept that How to accept that this is how it's supposed to be Yeah, like sort of like you know like talking about being stoic and like how things are in reality Proceed to how you think things are I don't know if you can give like an example on that by any chance Yeah, I think I think I get where you're saying is The biggest thing I would say about this is that You have to really look at life from the perspective of I just want to know what is reality Not judging it right one of the exercises I do for a lot of my coaching clients Because I'm like I call it the look in the mirror exercise I'm like okay stripped down naked look in the fucking mirror I want you to just objectively look at yourself not judging. I want you to see are you fat Do your nose too big right is one eyes bigger than the other or whatever it is So I just all of that and then I want you to do the same inventory for your characteristics And I want you to just accept all of those things Wanting to know honestly what reality is without judgment And if you look at life that way Then there's some unpleasant truths in life right the red pill itself is an unpleasant truth that it's supposed to be It's not unpleasant to me because I don't care because I only care about knowing what it is right. It's like You can you can be upset and argue about the rules to the game Or you can say well, I just want to understand them so I can play the game as as best as possible It's a non-emotional decision Like the reason what trips us up is emotion is expectation, right? If you if you want to live a life where You're able to accept what has happened get rid of all expectations every negative emotion that you ever experience in life Comes from an unmet expectation Get rid of expectation you get rid of negative emotion and then you can accept things But you can't accept things When you have expectations on things All right, I really appreciate that. Thank you. Yep That's all the time we have give it up John summits