 Have you ever had a man end a relationship with you only to attach himself to the very next woman he met? In fact, maybe even go on to marry this person. I got to share with you, this seems to be a pattern that I've noticed over the last decade in particular in the dating, mating or relating realm. In fact, it's such a pattern that I've gotten many comments on this lately from a previous video I did and I thought I'd do a repeat video because I think it's important to address why a man might choose one woman over another and what you can do about it and please ladies, stop chasing men because it seems like you have a propensity of chasing men when this happens instead of actually leaning into your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem. In fact, that's what my book is about. What the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-opening spiritual work and I'm inviting you all to lean into that sovereignty within yourself because it doesn't matter whether or not he chooses the next woman. What matters most is do you love yourself enough to know in your heart of hearts that a great guy out there exists because many of you have adopted a philosophy of desperately trying to convince men to like you, desperately trying to convince men to love you who are incapable of love. And this is because there is such a proliferation of emotionally constipated men and women. This isn't just singular to men. We have a demographic, a significant demographic of emotionally dysfunctional human beings that have weak emotional maturity and terrible relationship skills. That's right. The vast majority of humans have terrible relationship skills. This is why I work with so many women to shift that pattern so they don't attract those men who are dysfunctional and constipated. You can actually track the men who are going to choose you on the very first go-around. Are you with me on this? Because I hope you are. Okay, so I was watching a woman coach who talked about this very same subject and she merely said, ladies, if you want the man to choose you over another woman is that you simply sit in your feminine energy and receive him. Just receive him, be in your nice dress and just receive him. Really, is receiving the way it's going to work? Yeah, receiving is an important thing, but do you want to receive the wrong guy? Do you want to receive the guy that's going to work with, basically use you as his therapist? And so the minute he's healed with you, he goes and finds the very next woman to be the bright shiny penny with, okay? That's what happens. As many of you are operating as a man's therapist only to find out that he's going to choose the very next woman because you haven't stood in your power, your sovereignty, your self-worth and self-esteem. And in a few minutes, I'll talk about some ways that women give their power away. And I want you to ask yourself, do you do these very same things? Now there's going to be some very real reasons why a man might choose one woman over another. There are some significant reasons. And we're going to talk about that right now. Let's talk about one. And by the way, this is in no particular order, okay? But number one is I shared in the previous video is the other woman that he meets is less effort than you. Now what I mean by not less effort as if in you are, you know, she's low hanging fruit, although that could be the reason why a lot of men aren't capable of being in relationship with a strong, confident woman. That's true. A lot of men aren't capable of that. And some men choose what I call low hanging fruit to enter into relationship with, but I'll tell you something about the low hanging fruit woman. That's only a temporary relationship. So one thing I want to say to all of you that have noticed that men literally end a relationship with you and choose the very next woman. He might even marry that next woman. I'm going to say statistically speaking, 75% of the time that relationship isn't going to work out. So just because he did it doesn't mean it's going to work. And yet an emotionally healthy man, an emotional grown-up man might choose a woman that fits in his lifestyle, there isn't. So with sometimes we date from both men and women might date, like during COVID for example, a lot of men and women dated from somewhat of a dependency perspective. This is even true for those men who are growers and builders. I think COVID caused many people to seek companionship connection and sex, but weren't capable of leaning into commitment. So what they have done is once a man is healed, he might say, I'm going to choose a woman who truly fits in my lifestyle, where we actually share the same values, the same passions in life. Whereas he might not have with the woman he was previously with. Now number two, you know, sex is a big part of the equation. Some people aren't as sexually compatible as others. You know, here's the thing, this is a really tricky one. This is a tricky one for you ladies, because I know many of you don't want to enter in relationship with a man who's not a good lover. That's kind of the risk you, this is the one of the challenges that many of you have expressed to me as Jonathan. I want to wait to have sex with someone, but at the same time I might want to have sex early to determine if he's a good lover. I might want to make sure that his penis isn't the size of a pencil. Okay, and I've heard this many, I've heard a lot of you women tell me you've met guys like that. And then I feel sorry for those men that have that. And yet it's kind of like Goldilocks, you know, the porridge, you know, not too big, not too small, just right. You know, many of you are happy with the just right. And yet many of you want to explore sex because you want to make sure the sex is good. Well, the same is true with men. It might be that you're not sexually compatible. And then he's like, this doesn't fit for him. And he wants to be with someone else. I am hoping that sex isn't the only criteria because I'm hoping there's more to the relationship for both of you if the sex isn't great, but for some men that's such a significant part of their needs that they might shift relationships for that reason alone. But that's usually not the real reason, but that can be. Number two, the emotional, more importantly, the energetic connection with the person that they're with isn't that strong. They might like the person, but it isn't over the top like them. I see a lot of women accept men who give crumbs because they like the woman, but it's not over the top like. Folks, many of you know I'm in relationship. There's a picture of my sweetheart Marie. I gotta tell you, I dated some women prior to her. I'd been connecting with some women and they were nice connection with them. It was nice, but for some reason when I met Marie, it felt over the top and it wasn't just looks. It wasn't, it was really something and intangible. Energetic connection is an intangible that you can't really quantify, you can't qualify it. It just is there, it's not. We sometimes use the term chemistry, but it's not chemistry. Chemistry is more the sexual arousal we feel with someone, whereas energetic connection, which might be associated with chemistry, is really the serotonin being released in our brain. So when we think of chemistry in the initial stages, we think of dopamine. Dopamine is like crack cocaine. And I'll snap, give myself a shot in injection of crack cocaine to illustrate this, but early stages of chemistry is usually based on lust, okay? When you have a real energetic connection with someone, serotonin is released in our brain, which is the feel good feeling of love, okay? Real, more like the calm place of love, more like the, this person, I just feel good being around. You know, ultimately when a man commits, he commits usually with someone who's his lover, but more importantly, he just feels good being around her. And many of you women are chasing men, hoping that they'll feel good around you. But let me tell you, it's there from the, listen, maybe not the first date per se, maybe not the second date per se, maybe not the third date. But if a man sees you four time and he isn't over the top into you, and I don't mean love into you to get you in your pants, okay? Let's differentiate. You can tell the guys who wanna get in your pants, they lead with sex, you know, they're always making sexual innuendos. The grower and builder type of men, those men who genuinely want a serious relationship, they might want sex, they might drop an innuendo here, but they're not leading with sex. They're leading with actually wanting to get to know you because they feel good energetically around you, okay? And if a man isn't actively putting energy towards you, non-sexually, if it's ambivalent, it's like, hey, it sends text message, you know, I'm really busy, I've got businesses, I've got, it's always, you know, busy is the number one excuse men say to validate their reason for not being into you, because it's easy to use busy as the excuse of saying, I'm just not that into you. And that's what most men do. You know, the men who are genuinely interested in you, they are continually progressing the relationship for, they're continually trying to spend time with you, energetic connection. Number four, higher compatibility. Some people, you know, friend of mine once dated a man who, you know, they shared the same passion of snow skiing and yet that was it. Their lifestyles were different, their philosophies, they're different, their ideologies were different. They shared one passion of snow skiing and everything else about them was different. And some men will view that and they get attached to someone because they share the same passion and will spend time with that person because they shared whatever that passion is, my, by the way, but they realized that they don't fit into this man's life. They're not compatible with one another and he'll end a relationship with her and choose a woman who actually fits into his lifestyle. You know, many of you know, I was in a long, we were at long distance dating. I wasn't interested in long distance dating. It wasn't until I realized that her lifestyle and the balance of her life is compatible with mine, it just needed a little bit of tweaking. Well, we had serious conversation to determine that tweaking to make that happen and many of you are afraid to even speak up. I wanna encourage you all, if you've dated a man three or four times and he's acting a bit ambivalent to simply say, whatever his name is, Tim, Tom, Jonathan, I like you, I like you. Do you like me? Ask him that, do you like me? And then see how he responds and most likely who responded in some kind to say, well, then I'd like to explore a relationship with you. And then you see his medal, you see who he's made of, you see his character because in that moment, you see if he's serious about wanting commitment or is he going to give you the usual excuses, man, no say. And you all know the excuses, I'm busy, I don't know if I feel, I don't know if I want a serious relationship, I'm not feeling it yet. Well, that's a fair statement, I'm not feeling it yet. But let me tell you, most men buy the fourth date. Now, let's exclude the meet and greet, but four dates, okay? Four dates after the meet and greet, okay? Four dates. If he's, other than he needs, he just sneaks that, so long as he's not seeking a therapy from you and he's not seeking sex from you and he's not dysfunctional in need, you just fill the space. Men who are growers and builders, they will actively pursue a relationship with you sooner rather than later because number five says that he's in a good place in his life. You know, several years before I met Marie, I was a train wreck. I just lost my 19 year old son. There's a picture of Connor right there in the Obey shirt. I was a train wreck for a while. I wasn't in a good place to entertain a relationship. No matter what has happened in a man's life, if he's not in a good place with you, you might have spent that time helping him heal unbeknownst to yourself. So he actually gets prepared to choose the next woman because you happen to be the person that helped him heal. And then guess what? He wants to be a bright, shiny penny to someone new. So he's got to be in a good place in your life before you should strongly consider a relationship with a man. Number six is timing. Timing plays a role. You know, Marie and I met a year earlier online, but it wasn't the right time. The time that we met was the right time. Sometimes it's just the timing. And the timing you met a guy isn't the right time for him just for all the reasons I've expressed. And what happens is the next person he meets just happens to be right time. And number seven, and this is the most important thing many of you need to hear. The woman he's with doesn't love herself. She doesn't respect herself. And the next woman has that self-love piece. I talked about that in my book, What That Could Self Love Anyway. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. She loves herself. She has self-worth, self-respect, self-confidence, self-esteem. Because here's the bottom line. Many of you are giving your power away to men. You're just giving your power away to men. And if you need some examples to illustrate this, let me share what you do. The relationship is all on his terms. You abandon your standards and boundaries with a man that's giving your power away. And your standards is really defining what does the relationship look like for you. An example of a standard I share, this is my standard standards. Is a relationship where you spend two, three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married, that's a standard. And many of you have that standard, you meet the guy and you're like, I'm just gonna go at his pace because I'm supposed to sit in my feminine, let him leave. And if I let him leave, he'll claim me. And if I just act like a doormat, he'll claim me. Ladies, princess energy is only going to attract the more dysfunctional men, the women who stand in their power have a get bread or chance of attracting a great guy. Number two, you're afraid to speak your truth with a guy. Oh my God. So many of you are literally, you're like, if I put duct tape over my mouth, this is the ability to speak, we're literally able to speak because you're afraid to speak your truth. Listen, right now, I want everyone to make an agreement with me right now, right in the chat box or post a comment, Jonathan, from this day forward, I will speak my truth and I will do it in a kind and loving way because if it's sincere and from the heart, I can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Will everyone agree to state, I will speak my truth going forward from this day forward. Please write that down. Number three, when the relationship ends, all you do is focus on him. It's all about him, it's about him and it's about why didn't he love me enough? Why didn't he do this? Why didn't he do that? Folks, the minute you make it about him, he has your power. What's the benefit of giving the power to him? All it does is, and by the way, you become a magnetic attractor for more men to give your power away. I want everyone to stand in their power today. Number four, waiting for him to initiate contact. It's always, why do men ghost? Why do men disappear? Why do men stop texting? Well, are you fucking texting him? By the way, if a man goes silent for a couple of days, have you reached out to him? Have you simply said, hey, I'm sensing, by the way, I had a woman once, listen, I dated a woman briefly, we weren't physically intimate, the sex wasn't that good to be honest with you. Sorry, that's my truth. And for whatever reason, I wasn't feeling energetic connection and I was really just pondering it for a couple of days and I didn't reach out to her. So you know what she did? She reached out, said, Jonathan, I'm sensing something's off between us, is my gut right? And I said, your gut is right, something is off, I'm just not feeling it in this relationship. So sadly, we had a text conversation, we didn't have a verbal conversation, but the reality is is by initiating that text, she got me to open up. You can do the same thing. Number five, you stopped doing your pre-relationship life, your interests, your activities, you abandoned yourself to make yourself available to men. So many of you are doing this, I want you to stop it. Number six, feeling like you can't live without him. Like as if he's the only, listen, I get it. You've been with a man where you felt something special, unlike what you may have felt in the previous decade or two or three, I get it. But guess what? It can happen again. And guess what? It can happen again and again. When you are a magnetic attractor, when you've adopted the philosophy it is raining great man, it is raining great man, you can always find a man you feel great with. And lastly, you think the other person is the only person in the entire universe who will love you and have this chemistry. That is fantasy thinking that is giving your power away. And let me tell you something, ladies, many of you argue for your limitations. You have this capacity to gaslight yourself. Do you know the ego is, by the way, the greatest narcissism we have is the gaslighting we do to ourselves, the way we rationalize our behavior to, not what's the word I'm looking for, to argue for our limitations. I gotta tell you something, many of you are arguing for your limitations because you gaslighting yourself in believing that he is the only one believing that he is the only person ever you will feel this way. Let me ask you, have you been in love more than once? If you have, it can happen again and again and again. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. In the description below you can schedule a discovery call with me. Right there, johnathanasley.com coaching to see if working with a coach is right for you. My job is to help you do a better job of vetting these men so you don't find yourself with men who leave you for someone else. All right, I think this will be a great place to take questions. If you have a question for me, post the word question then write the question there after or you can choose the dollar sign there. You can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's him right there in that obey shirt. He's the son who passed away. Oh my God, it's coming up on five years. And in his honor, I donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Institute just to name a few. And if you're watching the replay, you can hit the super thing. So with that said, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after and I saw that Wanda posted a question a little while ago, let me find it here. Here we go, question. You can see she wrote the word question first. I'm going to wait for the over the top. I'm 58, so I have no time to waste for breadcrumbers. Am I right to wait? I think it was Mark Manson. I could be butchering this. Where is his book? Where is his book? It may not be, I think it was Mark Manson that wrote this, but he wrote the subtle art of not giving up F, fuck. And he wrote, he said that if it isn't a fuck, yes, it's a hell no. So what he was meant by that, if you're not feeling awesome, if you're feeling doubt, if you're feeling fear, if you're feeling anxiety, then it's probably a no. You should be feeling such overwhelming excitement for someone that I mean, listen, listen, I know many of you know that with Maria, I'm over the top excited. And that's because I'm blessed to actually be, be in relationship with who now is my best friend. We love hanging out with each other. We love just shooting this. Our favorite activity is our morning coffee from six 30 to eight o'clock before I go to work. And that's our, we do that for an hour, mostly an hour, hour and a half every day. It's our favorite activity. It feels exciting to be with someone whom you actually can speak from the heart and have real, true, intimate conversations. Not about how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Most of you are in cyber relationships with men over your, all you're doing is talking on your smartphones. All you do is talk on your smartphones. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. That's about the extent of many of your conversations. You know, folks, I want to read you a meme. That's my favorite meme. And I'm going to share this with everyone because this is how my life is. I hate small talk. I want to talk about atoms, death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't want to know what's up. I might ask my sweetheart how she's feeling because she does have shoulder impingement. But I don't ask about her day. We talk about what happens from the heart. And we talk about twisted things. Believe me, I have a twisted mind. She probably is exhausted with my twisted mind. But the same time, that allows for deeper depth and intimacy and that's my invitation for everyone. Is that sinking in with you? I hope so. Wanda, thank you for your question. Don't waste time with a breadcrumber. Let's see what else we got. I'm glad to hear Jennifer says, I will speak my truth going forward. Wanda says, I will speak my truth going forward. Cassandra says, I will speak my truth from this day going forward. Newsy says, I will speak my truth always. I'm happy to hear this. Holly even says that. And my sweetheart, Leif, thank you so much. From this day forward, I'll speak my truth. Okay, let's see what other questions we have. Let's keep swimming in. If you have a question, post that question. Here we go, Jennifer writes, question. Why do men come back to some women after picking another one? I've had that happen to me even years later. Great question. I love this question. So this reminds me of a story about my son, Colin, who I remember once we, this isn't an analogy, so give me a minute to share this. So I think when he was 14 years old, he wanted to get this video game that came out at midnight at Best Buy or GameStop. And so we had to wait in line. In fact, we got there at four in the afternoon and the line was 20 people. And by midnight, when the store opened to give this game out, there was probably 2,000 or more people in line that went back several football fields. Okay, so he gets the video game and he plays, I think it was Halo or something like that. He plays it, plays it, plays it, plays it, plays it. And then a few months later, he says, dad, there's a new game that came out called Duke Nukem. I remember Connor and I went with him to get into a new video game. And he got that new video game and he played it and played it and played it. And then I said, hey, what happened to the other video game? And he said, it's sitting on the shelf. I go, do you ever play it? He goes, yeah, when I get bored. Ladies, a lot of men treat you like this video game. They know you're sitting on the shelf willing to be used for that game. See, many of you have adopted a pattern of staying close to people you were in relationship with, not as true friends, but as actually a, kinda like the way my son used video games, as a place of entertainment and as a place of curing boredom. See, that's why they go back because it's on the shelf, it's available. He doesn't have to go wait in line anymore like he did before, which means going back out on the dating sites and going through all the bullshit of swiping and texting, scheduling first dates. He knows you're just there on the shelf. And sadly, that's why many men do it because they know you're available for them. Okay, Jennifer, I hope that helped with that question. All right, so let's see, let's go swim in. Kim says, question. Why won't he talk about his past relationships? I do not wanna hear about my pet. I do not wanna hear, wait, why won't he talk about his past relationship? I don't wanna hear about my past relationship. I'm not sure about that second part. So some men will avoid talking about their past relationships for a couple of different reasons. One, it's rather painful for him. He feels a sense of pain from him. Another, it's avoidance that he doesn't want to reveal that he was the big jackass in this relationship. Some men are incapable of actually being intimate with another person. Let me share something with you. Our past relationships give us a window into how someone will operate in a future relationship. And the other thing is when you're meeting total strangers, when you're meeting men who you know very little about, it's imperative you find out about their past relationships. It's imperative that you dig, listen, meeting strangers, we were watching, what was that show we were watching where the guy turned out to be completely, not the Tinder swindler, not Dirty John, but it was the bad vegan or bad vegan we were watching the other day. This is on Netflix, but it's a man who completely misrepresented himself and she fell for it because she did no due diligence. Plus he said he was in the CIA and he was covert operations. This guy was a fat pig who was begging money from her over and over again. And she gave her power away. And I feel sad for her and I know it was mental manipulation on her part, but at the beginning she had the capacity to be in her power. So now I went off on a tangent on this question. By the way, when someone avoids their past relationship history, then I would do everything I can to do a background check on this person because when you're meeting strangers, you know nothing about them. You're putting your life at hand. This woman lost over $2 million. She went to jail for over four months and she could have went to jail for 15 years for fraud because she defrauded the business she was in. Merely because I love him so much. By the way, he was a jackass. It's not that she loved him so much. It's that she didn't love herself enough to really stand in her power. And that's the message I keep saying to you over and over again. Don't chase men. Is that sinking in? Is that resonating? Please let me know. All right, Rebecca, question. Oh, I'm sad to read this. My only son died two years ago. I find it difficult at this time as I continue to grieve my son's death. How will I know when I'm ready to enter the dating field? You know, my heart goes out to you, okay? As a parent who lost a child. And there is, I think the loss of a child is a grief that is unlike any other because when I lost my mom six months earlier, it just felt like the natural time. I think if you lose someone you love that's as equally faithful, but a child, our job is to protect our children. That's part of the duty that we have. So it's almost a failure on our own part or at least that's what it was felt like for me. So I can't give you a timeframe. What I know one thing that Connor, and this is what I said in his eulogy, I knew he did not want me to suffer one day in my life. So what did I do? Two months after he passed away, I began writing this book, What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Alpent, Spiritual Work, Link to Love. It was dedicated to him, okay? It was dedicated to him. He is throughout this book. Here's a picture of him in the book, okay? Why do I share this with you? I put my energy into something that allowed me to grow from the inside out. And I was actually ready to date fairly soon after that, about a year and a half after that, two years after that. I was really, it took me about two years of grieving to really feel like I was in a good place, but a lot of other factors were part of that. So with each person that's different, but Rebecca, my heart goes out to you and I'm sending you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of love right now, okay? All right. Ah, let's keep swimming, Rebecca. Grace, Brenda Grace writes, question. I just started texting someone, been two weeks, not every day. He started saying, I'm beautiful and pretty with kissing emoji. Is he love bombing me? Yeah, look it. You know, it's one thing to say, listen, and when it, listen, stop spending time on text messaging again on the fucking phone and have conversations, don't text, telephone calls. But Jonathan, he doesn't like phone calls. Folks, the smartphone is the worst form of communication. Our human beings weren't designed to communicate with our thumbs. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. We weren't designed. Did you know 80 to 90% of all communication is non-verbal? Look at my hands moving, you know, although it's 2D, but 3D with, with scent and feel and touch and everything is part of communication. You're getting the weakest form of communication. And yes, he is most likely love bombing you to make you like him. And then he'll sleep with you and you'll be excited about sleeping with you. And then he'll stop texting you saying, I'm really, really, really busy. By the way, if he's so busy, like, well, anyway, I'm going off on a tangent. Brenda, I hope that helps. Thank you so much. Heather writes, question. Isn't it important to get to know a person before deciding if it's a hell yes? Great question. So I think of hell yes as, do you feel like taking a step forward or does it feel like you're taking a step backwards? So a hell yes is I want to take a step forward. And then you stand there and go, do I want to take another step forward? And you stand there and evaluate and feel it. But if you're feeling like you, if you keep feeling like you're taking step backwards, that's not a hell yes, that's a hell no. A hell yes is simply it feels good to move forward. Anyway, that's the hell yes, the fuck yes is merely just, does it feel good to move forward or does it not feel good? It's allowing you to trust your intuition. One of the chapters in my book, I forget which one it is now. Centers around learning to trust your intuition. Which chapter is it? Oh my God, with so many chapters I forget. But learning how to trust your intuition, that's what hell yes is all about. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Jennifer said, thank you for answering my question about why men come back. The ones who tried to come back to me, I rejected them, way to go Jennifer. All right, let's keep going. Tanya writes question. What book do you recommend to prepare someone for getting back into the dating realm again? Great question. So one of my favorite dating books is if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, this throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how can we date from a heart centered place? How can we date from our heart and not the grand expectations that we have been traditionally grown up with? So I would try that book. I love that book from a dating perspective. All right, let's keep swimming. Let's see, do we have any more? Oh, it looks like we're running out of questions. If you have a question, post the question so I can create some dialogue. Shannon says, haha, I was listening in the background. Didn't know this was live. Jonathan is my favorite dating coach. Cuts through the BS. Hi, Jonathan. Hi there, Shannon. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. By the way, if you have a personal question to ask of me, write the word personal question then post the question there after. You can ask me for the last few minutes a personal question. So Wanda says question. Shouldn't he be putting effort in order for it to be a yes? You both, again, coming back to the book if the Buddha dated. It's about mutual effort. By the way, there's a book. Hold on if I can find it. Here we go. This is not a dating or relationship book. This is a book called the partnership charter. How to start out right with your new business partnership. I want you to throw this word business partnership out and say romantic partnership. I love the content in this book as an illustration of how we should negotiate or not negotiate but navigate relationships at midlife, okay? This is a business book but I highly recommend reading it because it talks about how to navigate partnerships. And another book I recommend, it's not a dating book. Oops, not, well actually sacred. This wasn't the one I was thinking of. Sacred relationships, a practice of intimate erotic love. That's an interesting book but that's not the one I wanted to pull out. It was this one. Folks, everybody should be reading how to be an adult in relationship. That would be a great book to read, okay? So to answer your question, I hope that helps some books I recommend. Question, what do you think of men who are non-confrontational by their character? I try to bring up things are on my mind. He says he's not going to argue with me. So, great. Okay, so, I want you to think of confrontation as violent. By the way, there's a great book called Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. In addition, there's one more book. I Hear You by Michael Sorenson, okay? These two books, okay? This is all about learning better ways to communicate your thoughts, your feelings to a person because when he says argue with you, it means that there is a difference of perspective, a difference of perspective, and he sees that as an argument. One of the things I love about my sweetheart, Marie, is when there's something that's bothering her, she has a capacity of bringing up in a non-violent way. What I would prefer this book to be titled is Compassionate Communication. Learning Compassionate Communication starts by expressing your feelings from a sincere place, a place of love, and it's, by the way, you can always agree to disagree, but a grown-up human being, a grown-up male, if he feels like it's confrontational when you're speaking from the heart, it means he's afraid to actually lean into deeper conversations. And let me tell you today, if you don't need a man to support you financially, then choose the man who will love the fuck out of you because it's no fun unless you're dependent. It's no fun being with someone who can't connect with their heart. That's my bottom line for you all. So I hope that helps. Thanks so much, Harry. Sunny Pie writes, question. If a guy says he cares about you but needs space and haven't heard from him since he said that in a while, did he break up with me? Hey, Tim, I understand you needed space. I wanted to let you know I'm taking space from our relationship and I'm actively back in the dating marketplace. I just wanted to let you know that I don't appreciate this silence. I don't appreciate this space. That's not how a grown-up operates in relationship and I don't want to accept childish behavior. The only person that needs space is a child, okay? Because they don't know how to navigate their emotions. A grown-up man will talk about what's going on. I wouldn't accept that kind of behavior. Ladies, can we all say, fuck that shit? I don't want to accept someone who says I need space and I need it. Did he break up with you? Does it sound like he's in a relationship with you because a man who wants to be in a relationship makes effort? That's just my two cents on that one. So thank you, Sunny. And I'm sorry about that. Question, how to navigate relationship with someone with PTSD? That's a tough one. I would have some serious dialogue. I might invite a counselor in on your, into your relationship. I might, I would definitely recommend a counselor. I'd recommend doing some studying, but also you have to find out, are you a relationship where the two of you are growing and building something or are you just simply together for companionship, connection, and sex without commitment? And if you're going to commit, then it's my invitation for you is to do it through a conscious way to co-create something together. Okay, Sarah, I hope that helps. Thank you so much for that question. Question, what if my form of communication is teasing, playful, and sexy? Should I not be myself so that a man doesn't lead with sex? I do want a good man. You know, I've gone out with women who kind of put out an energy of sexual energy. My attraction to them, I'm not suggesting that was you per se, but my perception of them was sexual. And quite frankly, I didn't, you know, I wanted the sex, but I wasn't connecting at a deeper level. Now, because the fact that they led with sexual energy, I put them, I'm sorry to say I put them as low hanging fruit. I mean, men, you know, men, I don't know how to say this properly, so I'm gonna fumble this a bit. Men want to believe that you've never had sex with anyone else. And if we think you are flirty and sexy with us in a sexual way, then we feel like you've done it with every other man and that we, on a subconscious level, we think you've been you, you're someone to you. So I get that that's part of your makeup and I'm, you know, I'm not discounting that. What I wouldn't encourage you to do is if you want a good man, I wouldn't lead with sex. Okay. Wait, maybe I didn't read that right. What if my form of community, teasing, playful and sexy, should I not be myself so a man doesn't lead with sex? Well, I'm interpreting, you're leading with sex. I could be wrong, but that's the way I interpret it. So how you do it is through serious conversations. You know, by the way, it is through deep, like with, with Marie and I, we laid our cards on the table. It wasn't playful teasing. It was raw. It was honest. It was talking about our fears and our shame. That's where real trust was built. See, playful, fun and light doesn't build trust. Real vulnerability, authenticity and transparency is where trust is built. So that's my invitation for you, Lilian. Lilia is to operate from a real vulnerable place and connect at that level. I highly recommend reading the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. And maybe you might want to do another book is the language of emotions, what your feelings are really telling you. Maybe your teasing, playful, sexy is an avoidance mechanism to deeper intimacy. I'm just speculating here, but that might be some suggestions for you. The Language of Emotions by Carla McClare and Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. All the books I've listed are below. In the description of this video, there's a book recommended book section. All right, let's keep going. Hey, thank you, Sarah, for the $1.99 Super Sticker. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. All right, what else do we have? Sherry says, I'm reading the book, Nonviolent Communication, A Good Book. Thank you, I'm glad you're sharing that with everyone. Thanks so much. Let's see, question for Jonathan. Again, if you have a personal question, ask that as well. What reasons would be acceptable to allow a man a second chance and how should it be done? Um, well, you know, I've put my foot in my mouth. Oh my God, I once, okay, let me, okay. I did something, I can't believe I did the following, but I was having a conversation with someone I was dating and I said the C word and I named the bad one, not the good one. The commitment is the good C word I'm talking about. And what happened was I was listening to a comedian, she had used that word several times in a video and it stuck in my head and I said it. And I really, I thought she would break up over me at that because it was, you know, it's, it was disrespectful. I mean, it wasn't disrespecting her, it just came out. Now what I did was I sincerely apologized. And if you want to know a real apology, hold on. Let me grab this book. A true, oh, I just, where is that book about apologies? Hold on, bear with me, everyone, apologies. Where is it? Oh my God, oh, here we go, apology, 101, page 101. Hold on, everybody, one second, page 101. It's the four R's to an apology, okay. Or the four asking for forgiveness, what is it? Okay, the four, this is the book, Chatting or Cheating by Dr. Sherry Myers. She's my ex-girlfriend, my dear friend, but she wrote a chapter, the four R's in an apology. First is they recognize and acknowledge the pain that they have caused you, recognize. Number two, they express regret and remorse about what they've done, the pain they've caused you. They took responsibility for their actions and they can, they make, they offer some sort of remedy or restitution if they've created. Check out the book, Chatting or Cheating by Dr. Sherry Myers, okay. With that said, coming back to the question, I can't remember now exactly what the question was. Should I, so first, does he give you a sincere apology and how should that be done, giving a second chance? As first, has he apologized for what happened? So whatever caused the ending of a relationship, there should be some sort of apology and if there's not, I wouldn't give someone a second chance. Unless you were the one who ended it and then are you asking for a second chance? That's a different question. All right, Elena writes, question. Who puts all the books away after you're done with your lives? I do it myself. Sometimes they sit there for a day or two like sometimes I leave dirty dishes. So okay, Cupcake writes, question. As a woman driven for a long-term relationships, how can I allow myself to enjoy a friends with benefits situation? When and if I choose to do that? I find myself doing or wanting to do things in a relationship. So Cupcake, I want you to study the Buddha, the teachings of Buddha, Buddhism. Buddha says all suffering comes from an attachment, attachments, particularly attachments to an outcome. A friends with benefits dynamic is a non-attachment to the outcome. Now the problem is for most women, the minute the penis goes inside the vagina, oxytocin is released in your body and you bonded with a man and it's very difficult to be detached, okay? This is where Steve Harvey's book, act like a lady, think like a man, comes into play, men don't get attached through sex. We really don't. I mean, we can bond with someone, we, here's the thing, we don't get overly attached to new sex. We certainly can get attached to someone whom we make love with over and over and over again. But in the beginning, you have to act like a man, not be attached to sex. So if you have a propensity to be attached to a man during sex, then it's gonna be very difficult for you to lean into a friends with benefits dynamic. And I'm not a big fan of it. So I would encourage you not to, where's that shadow coming from? I would encourage you not to choose that kind of relationship. Anyway, that's my two cents on that one. Thank you so much. All right, this will be a last question for the day. How do men feel about educated women? I currently have a paralegal degree, currently studying a foreign language, I'll be pursuing an accounting degree. So if you're not familiar with the term sapiosexual, these are people, human beings that are attracted to someone's mind. It has nothing to do with their education. Do they have a breath of, I think what men are more attracted to versus education is they're more attractive to self confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, self-reliance, self-respect. But now if you are highly, by the way, I know highly educated women that do not have any self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect. It doesn't has nothing to do with your education level. Okay, now with that said, I have dated a doctor. Remember I talked about my previous relationship. She was a Dr. Sherry Myers. I dated a doctor and I've dated someone who didn't even graduate high school. What matters most is how did they carry themselves as a person? But more importantly, did they love themselves enough where they didn't give their power away to me? Okay, as I said in the beginning of this broadcast, women have a propensity of giving their power away to men, which is one of the number one reason why a man chooses one woman over another. And I invite you all to lean into your sovereignty, your self-worth and self-esteem. So don't give your power away to men. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. If it is, please hit that like button. Please share this video with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel. And by the way, again, in the description below are all the schedule coaching session with me, join my group. What else? Follow me on Instagram and all the books I recommend. All right, I'm gonna take my sweetheart out to dinner tonight. So I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Johnathan Merrick of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Melissa and Rebecca and Marilyn and Brenda and Leif and Cupcake and Alaina and Sheik and Wanda and Sherry and Sarah and Kelly and did I say Rebecca and Sarah and Sunshine Pie and Melanie? Everyone, thank you so much. Have a fab evening. Be well. Thanks, bye now.