 I really wanted to save this video for the very end of my nesting journey, I've got three months left but I thought this week some of you have had your A level results back, some of them are good news, some of them aren't so good news, some of you haven't quite got the grades that were expected maybe. So I think this is a perfect time to release this video and just hopefully give you the motivation and determination that you need to keep going, keep being amazing and to just say that things sometimes they don't always go to plan but it's definitely for the right reasons I think it might not seem like it now but I know for me personally it was definitely the right reasons that things happen to me and it's taken me this long so here we go. Also I'm going to apologize for the lighting because the sun is shining and it's going in and out of clouds and I'm sat in front of the window so the lighting might change in this video I'm really sorry it's very annoying I know but the sun is shining and that's amazing so let's get started. So I've mentioned in previous vlogs that it's taken me around 10 years to be where I am right now but actually when I think about it it's probably more like 15 years, possibly 14 years so let's go back to the very very start I'm going to rewind myself back to my seven-year-old self so I was firstly I was brought up by my nan and granddad some things happened unfortunately and I was living with them from the age of two so they were my parents they were my mum and dad as far as I was concerned and then when I was seven years old my granddad died at home he had the district nurses come out and care for him and treat him at home and I literally saw everything so from a very very young age I was sort of faced with health issues and medical issues and this was the first time I'd ever seen a nurse and I just remember I don't know who these people were I didn't know what they were doing to my granddad I didn't fully understand it I was only seven years old but I just remember feeling that amazement and just thinking wow you're doing an amazing incredible job I don't know what you're doing but I looked up to them I didn't fear them because they were medical professions or anything I actually felt myself looking up to them and they were helping my granddad so it was a good thing and that's the first time I really discovered nursing at the time I didn't think about myself as a nurse I just knew I admired them and admired what they did and then fast forward to my 15 year old self so then this is the time that unfortunately my nan got cancer and she passed away she didn't die at home luckily she probably remembered to when my granddad died at home and how horrific it was so she probably didn't want us to go through that again so she was admitted to hospital and it was seeing that different side to it different sides of the wards the hospital setting how they cared for my nan and me being 15 I didn't understand it still I didn't understand what was going on I didn't want to understand it because this was something that's taking my family one by one I didn't want to understand cancer and I didn't like it I didn't want to know the physiology of it I wanted to push it out of my mind out of sight out of mind I spent time with friends I avoided it completely then after my nan died I regretted that and I regretted not knowing enough not spending enough time with my nan I regretted a whole lot of things anyway that continued for a while and it set me up inside and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to go into nursing was because I want to know more I don't want that to happen again I don't want my family to suffer and me not to be able to help I want to be that person that helps it's in my eyes my own opinion sorry if this offends anyone but in my eyes you should be the person caring for your family it shouldn't be up to a stranger and some people like that some people I understand some people want would rather a stranger to wash them and dress them their own family members but just for me my own comfort I want to be that person doing that for my family I want to look after my family and I'm gonna make sure that that doesn't happen again so that's one of the reasons I wanted to be commoners but anyway when my nan passed away I was 15 as I said and that was right smack in the middle of my GCSEs I know not good guys not good so I had to I moved back in with my biological mother it didn't go down too well unfortunately but hey oh it happened I was there I lived with my mom for a while until I was old enough to move out and get my own life and things and yeah I pretty much failed my GCSEs I didn't what I can't say I failed because I got a B for R a C for French everything else maths English science will they're all decent ease they they're not even worth it because they're not even classed as anything because universities A levels you need an A to C grade so discontinued done and I think I put myself down a lot I didn't think about things that was going on around me I didn't think about my nan at the time I didn't think about the move that had the change of tab I put it down to is me I'm rubbish I'm really bad at school I'm not good enough to do anything and so I didn't pursue anything I didn't pursue a career I didn't know what I wanted to do when I left school so I followed on from my mom's footsteps and she worked in hospitality so I worked in hospitality I did chambermaid in or housekeeping whatever you want to call it but I cleaned rooms and it was amazing it was one of my favorite jobs I've talked about this before in the vlog so I'm not going to go into that I did waitress in I did banqueting waitress in I worked in a factory putting labels on gammon horrendous please no that is the worst job as well as waitress in I hated waitress in no offense if you love waitress in I worked in shops are actually I loved working in shops I worked in Devonums to reach myths and they were really good places to work not name-dropping or sponsored for any of this but I loved retail I loved talking to people and things like that still didn't know what I wanted to do with life and it wasn't until one of my friends said to me have you ever thought about nursing I can see you as a nurse and I thought really nursing a nurse me I'm not sure and I'm not sure how I would find out if I'd ever be good at something like that because I've never even thought about it's never even crossed my mind other than the healthcare experiences that I'd had but even then I didn't know that I would be a nurse I didn't feel confident enough I didn't think I'd be intelligent enough because I always saw nurses as a high profession you had to be intelligent you had to be born into that profession and none of my family have got degrees they've never been to university so it's not something that ever crossed my mind and so I thought okay maybe I should look into this actually because I do like caring for other people and helping other people and when I think about my childhood I was always helping other people as a child when my friends got cut and bruised I would make these little potions this medication for them out of leaves and rose petals and water and make this little lotion and I'd put it on the cut and then I'd wrap it with leaves to make them better weirdly enough it worked I know I must be magic yeah actually that story I think was in my personal statement as well just a tip putting a fun story so yeah so I didn't know apart from that but when I thought back to my childhood I was actually actually I am a caring person I used to do these things I need to pick up pigeons with broken wings and try and help them and how's it never occurred to me that I should be a nurse because I'm naturally helping healing person and so okay let me look into this so I looked into being a carer and I found my first-care home job in an elderly home it was a residential home we didn't have nurses so again we had the district nurses come out and I was so interested in what they did so I would always offer to sit with them and help them in any way I could and just remember being fascinated and loving what they did and it was there that I found my passion for nursing and I thought you know what I need to be a nurse and this I think is where my career is gonna lie back then it was the diploma so I found out I had to have my MVQ2 and MVQ level 3 to get into the diploma so I did those I progressed I become a team leader a few years past I applied my first ever university I applied to was Canterbury I had my interview actually got accepted onto the diploma and I this was in 2008 by this time so it took me three years to do my MVQs and my maths and English GCSE again but I withdrew and I thought you know what it's not the right time I did something doesn't feel right I don't think I'm gonna do this I again had that confidence of I'm not sure I can do it I don't know if I'm smart enough to do this am I good enough for the job it was all I think 101 different reasons but I just didn't I didn't end up going on to the course so then I went back into just being a carer and then I switched again from doing care work because I thought let me just go back into doing something else so I did a bit of learning disabilities for about a year and a half adults with learning disabilities then I went into work in theatres in the operating theatres orthopedics which was actually amazing I loved the job but for me I like to talk to patients and I like to be the one helping the patient rather than just sitting on the sidelines so I didn't really enjoy that as much but it was interesting to see the operations so I left that again and as all maybe no sense not for me because I've tried these things and I'm not really liking it and then I went back into hospitality for a bit I worked in coffee shops I did waitressing and bar work and then I went back into care work I know so I flipped quite a lot between care and hospitality care and hospitality so come 2010 I got my care job again I was there for two years living in Birmingham at the time but then when I went to apply for it they said to me sorry we've called the diplomas this is the time when it moved from a diploma course on to a degree only course I was like oh no so then I was massively put off again didn't want to do the degree because all I could think about is the dissertation 10,000 words I'm not gonna be able to do that and that's all I kept telling myself I decided do you know what no I'm gonna do this let me find out what I need to do to do the degree and I'll do it so I found out how to do the access course I went and I did the access course passed it thank God and then I applied to university and I actually got a place in university so I actually started my nursing degree officially first time round because this is my second time if you don't know first time round I started it in 2012 I did five months so I did my first placement first off ski and I think we were starting to write our first assignment as well I can't remember but I hadn't done that much it was only five months it didn't feel like I'd done that much at university but I'd been there along long enough to make friends and build bonds with people and know that it's what I want to do a hundred percent I love it it's amazing so at the time I was living with my so-called best friend and I can't say too much without breaking confidentiality because I don't want to say bad things about people on camera because that's not very nice but we didn't get on at the end I was living with her for a couple of years two years I think it was this person was going through a divorce at the time and I feel like she was taking that out on me quite a lot I was renting her spare room because it was cheaper for her she needed money blah blah blah all of that and she didn't treat me very nice she wasn't a very nice person to me and we ended up in the end coming to a bit of an argument and then we agreed that it wasn't working out so I said you know what let's wait until my next student loan goes in which is I think was in the June or July time I think it was in the June so it was only a few months I said that gives you enough time to find someone to have the spare room so you're sorted because I didn't want to leave her in the alert or anything like that with that because that's not fair and then that gives me a time to save for somewhere because I literally had no one no one I had no one to live with I had no money I had literally nothing and she knew this so we agreed we said we'd wait till June and then the following day after this conversation I went down to London to see some friends and I had a text message telling me basically to get out the house move out get the stuff that's it and I could have done one of two things so I'm not blaming her completely for this but I could have done one of two things I could have sorted out I could have gone back and I could have argued with it with it and I could have said no I haven't got money and you can't do this blah blah blah but it got to the point where I was tired of tired of arguing I was tired of living there I was tired of being treated like that it wasn't fair and I thought do you know what don't just don't reply don't say anything nothing so I went back I cleared all my stuff out and I moved out I had to move back in with my mom because I had nowhere to go at the time my mom lived in Milton Keynes so I was commuting from Milton Keynes to Birmingham it was smack bang in the middle of placement so I was commuting it was taking me two hours by train to get to placement every day which was hell it was hell I couldn't afford it I got into debt because of it and it I looked for places to live I went to my personal tutor I got help from the uni but it was just coming to dead ends I had nowhere to go I had no money I had no way of funding I could have applied for hardship funding but they said it could take up to six weeks I didn't have six weeks because not only that my mom was in the middle of moving herself from Milton Keynes to Suffolk which is like a five-plus hour journey from Birmingham and there's no way I could ever have done that so eventually after trying every resource possible and everything I could to stay at university I unfortunately had to withdraw and I left basically and it was probably one of the hardest decisions I had ever made but now I think back if I had qualified back then or even in 2008 when I did diploma I wouldn't be the nurse I would be today after all the experiences that I had so I'm really grateful for that and if I ever saw that friend again I haven't seen her since but if I ever saw again I would thank her I would say thank you for putting me through that because actually it made me stronger it made me more determined more motivated than ever and I wouldn't be in my dream role right now I wouldn't be doing half the things that I've done and I wouldn't be as good as a nurse as I am going to be because of it so I actually appreciate and really don't regret anything I would go over and do it all again if I could I wouldn't change a single thing because it's really shaped who I am today because of it but anyway so I moved to Suffolk I moved back in with my mom for a year and then realized I literally can't do this I can't cope I need to go and do my nursing because that's what I was made to do so I looked online this was 2014 now so 2014 I looked online for a job back in Birmingham somewhere to live I found my perfect job in sexual health because that's what I wanted to do because I don't know I've been watching sex clinic on television realized that that's an amazing area to work in it looks like a laugh all the staff are friendly the patients were amazing the diversity of every single day everything about it attracted me to it and I said that's what I need to do so I looked on NHS jobs I found surprisingly a healthcare assistant role managed to get an interview smashed the interview did the interview got the job got my place in sexual health as a healthcare assistant which is amazing because they trained me to do bloods I've got all these amazing clinical skills from it and yeah so I moved back to Birmingham in 2014 and then this is a long story guys I'm really sorry there's gonna be hours okay so then working in sexual health I heard about being seconded so if you're seconded you you can be seconded from your employer to go and do your nursing they fully fund it pay for it you get your ban two wages still and you can come back and work for the company as a qualified nurse as a result at the end of your three years but you're tied into a contract then of I think working back for the company for three years as a qualified nurse when you finish so apply for the secondment I thought this is amazing why wouldn't I do that apply for this comment twice didn't get it both times the first time was because I had an interview at BCU because you have to guarantee your place first at university and then they'll give you this comment my interview went horrendous I wasn't prepared I didn't research anything I didn't even know the succeeds I knew nothing it was horrendous so it's no brainer I didn't get that and I'm not surprised I didn't get that so I didn't get this comment so then I said okay so I tried again I thought I'm not gonna give up I'm gonna try again I'm more prepared now I know what the interviews like I'm gonna smash it so I went and I did the interview again for this comment I felt okay in the interview I was a bit like that I'm not too sure if I sold myself enough but you never know and then I didn't get it again so I thought okay let me just get some feedback because I'm not too sure what happened this time so what the feedback was from that was because they've got so many students we've all got the same qualifications we've all got the same experience so they really have to nitpick at little tiny things to sort of get rid of people basically to narrow it down and choose who they want for this comment and they purely said your confidence it was your confidence and you didn't sell yourself if you just sold yourself that little bit more you would have got this no problem over everybody else I was like again my confidence has come into play I was so unconfident I was really uncomfortable selling myself didn't do it and really kicked myself for it so I thought you know what I'm gonna forget about this comment I can't apply for the third time because that's too much let me just apply straight to the uni I've been through that interview before let me do it so I applied to university direct without this comment completely self-funded there was still a bursary then thank God went into my interview I felt really confident I was prepared I'd revised and knew the sixies are inside out I could tell them everything about the sixies and give it examples and I got my place I got my place finally got my place so I finally started this journey January 2017 and again I started university with just wanted to get my head down I didn't want to do anything other than pass this degree finally become a nurse after six months of first year I found something inside me some fire some motivation dedication everything inside me burnt up because I realized I can do this my confidence came my self-belief came my self-worth came everything came back to me and I thought do you know what I can bloom and do this I can be an amazing nurse I can help other people isn't that amazing what are the career can you do that in there's no nothing like it and I was so determined I thought about all of these years that I've wasted feeling unconfident self-worth had gone down the hill put myself down all the time not thinking I can achieve anything with my life being this I always saw myself as this low life shell of myself for what for nothing and now fast forward to I've got three months left I am smashing this degree I'm smashing placements okay my grades are like here right now they're not top anymore at first year I smashed it I was getting 90s 80% second year they went down to 70s third year I don't think I'm gonna get those marks that's fine not bothered at all but the fact that I'm gonna pass is amazing I've only got three months left I've already bagged myself my perfect career I'm an amazing job doing what I love I'm gonna put on my blues I'm gonna finally be a qualified nurse from having no GCSEs failing at life having no confidence myself it's just amazing and now I'm thinking do I do a master's do I do a PhD my ambitions have just gone up I want to be a nurse subscriber I want to be an advanced nurse practitioner I want to teach I want to do 101 different things the world is literally my oyster now it's amazing so moral of this long-winded story thank you so much for getting to the end but as a point I promise the moral of this story is whatever your grades that you've just got if you have failed anything if you didn't get the grades good enough to get into the particular university that you want don't worry these things happen everything happens for a reason you might not understand that reason right now but for me if I had qualified in 2008 I would not be the nurse that I am today I would I'm telling you now I would be an awful nurse looking back at how I was back in 2008 even in 2012 I would have been an awful nurse I would not be the nurse I am today with this amount dedication motivation determination in my heart in my soul with the knockbacks I've had I've had so many knockbacks people bringing me down people trying to stop me I've had all of my family die my dad my granddad my mom and my dad who I call my dad is actually alive still he's doing amazing he's gonna stay that way because he's got to be at my graduation or that's it I'm gonna give up at that point but he will be there I do you know what it's all worth it it's all everything I don't regret a single thing and it's the same with you if you haven't got the grades that you didn't expect don't worry you've got years ahead of yourself you've got so many years of your life to sort it out you just have to sit down look at what is the career for you what career do you want have you got the grades to get that if not okay do something about it don't sit around don't sit on it don't give up don't feel sorry for yourself please dry your face do something about it turn that emotion into determination to motivation to positivity turn it around change those grades do something about it don't sit on this do not quit ever follow those dreams and you can achieve anything because realistically what can you do you can retake those exams you can retake assignments you can do a different course you can do the access course that'll get you straight into university you can do all sorts of foundation courses diplomas b-tex a-tex Aztex whatever you want just look at all the different routes into the career that you want to go into please don't beat yourself up because grades don't mean anything all great all a grade means is it gets you into somewhere okay the grade itself doesn't define you as a person it doesn't take when you're sitting in an exam that grade doesn't take into consideration the mental blocks that you're having during that exam because you're so nervous you're so stressed you want to do well it doesn't take that into consideration and it doesn't reflect real life it doesn't reflect you as a person and the knowledge in your brain that you do have and the confidence that you have out there being a real person in the real world and not an exam condition so please do not take that grade on board it's not you it's not a genuine reflection of who you are as a person because you are amazing and you're going to go on to do great things so have some self-belief and just never ever give up on your dreams because if i can do this anybody can do this