 Chat, what's up YouTube viewership. What's up? This is the first installment of the needed podcast My two co-hosts Gina rock are not here. The holidays really messed up. They scheduled they get in here soon So they'll probably join us midstream But it's just opportunity for me to get Just a show to talk to y'all about was everything that's going on in competitive man throughout the week Also was going in our lives what we have going on for the show Also, and what we have going on in that, you know, because I mean the biggest thing for me is It was about a year and a half ago February 2017 when I won man bowl and that situation Really Really changed my life. It really focused me on You know really wanting to Make man a career make man my life and I have this last year and a half That's pretty much all the energy that I had And all the you know the money that I had and everything I did focus to get them put back into Madden and I've so far been pretty successful I'm not really need to support from you guys and you guys have given it to me and Nothing gets done without the support from you guys. So essentially right now Madden is kind of my career. It's kind of where it's going and I've been joining it a lot You know and obviously the things in Jacksonville kind of changed everything for for everybody Obviously for different families and for the man family in the whole So the biggest thing I want to tell you guys here is just that Because of Jacksonville the last two weeks obviously the Eagles club series is coming up. So the last two weeks Essentially I've been trying to get ready I mean I've been on the mic with skimbo talking with those guys really getting ready to play this club series grind and It's just something that I mean I've used Madden to the best of my ability to get through everything that's going on in my mind and everything that happened to all of us in Jacksonville and it's kind of It's kind of a double-edged sword in that I use it to escape. I use it to have fun I use it to communicate with you guys. I use it to You know involve the whole community and something and it's also a double-edged sword because when I start competing and I start thinking about You know sitting down playing another live game of Madden around a group of people I mean the last time I played a live game of Madden around a group of people a bullet hit my head and some of my friends died You know, so that's something that's been going through my head the last two weeks and I've tried to really Push through that really because I feel like, you know, obviously playing in the tournaments and playing At that level Madden is something that you guys love to watch and something that I love to do It's my biggest passion in my life But in the last two weeks I've really I haven't been able to get some of the images out of my head from the last time I played a game of Madden so because of that I'm going I'm going to go ahead and not compete in the mcs this year I'm and obviously this is Brought on because today is the first day where the Eagles club series is And this is the the day I had to play So essentially I had to come up with this decision in the last couple days It's something that I talked to a lot with my family and my friends And it's something that really uh has been troubling me obviously since it happened and obviously since uh you know probably about a month and a half ago and Preparing for this tournament like we have been the last two weeks and really getting our lineups together Really trying to focus on the game and and focus on that level that we did You know the weeks before Jacksonville is really something, you know bringing those same recurrent thoughts into my mind So it's something I think is best for me and for my family is to go ahead and sit out the mcs this year You know because I mean I wish everything went better, but it's really had a drastic effect on Madden and really has a Had an effect on my family obviously so this is something that I'm not going to play in mcs this year And it's tough because this is the biggest The biggest tournament of the year right now, you know and Essentially if I'm not gonna play in this one, I'm probably not gonna play in anyone so I said I want to still I still want to be as big a part of community as I can I still want to continue to grow this because this is like I said I put all my energy into this to grow my brand and continue to have a career in Madden And I really want that and I really want that you know for the rest of my life And You know I want to continue to do that continue to do the things because I feel perfectly safe I feel fine when I'm playing weekend league when I'm making videos from the comfort of my home You know, it's just the thought of having to play another tournament game around live people is something that I really don't want to go through again not ready to go through it again And so I'm going to go ahead and sit out for the rest of the year And my biggest fear in this decision in the last couple weeks in the last couple days is that I don't want to lose any of the support that I've gotten from you guys You know, it's something that I feared immensely because if I you know, if I don't play in a tournament Or if I don't go, you know, if I'm not on the top tier competition that it's not the same It doesn't have the same validity to it as it did before and it won't have the same impact So that's something that I really was worried about and really tried to push through to playing these tournaments Because I felt like that's really What's important to my stream and the value of it is that I am one of the best players in man And I do feel like regardless what I'm playing and I'm one of the best players in man So I just the tournaments kind of validate that and That's essentially my biggest fear in that, you know what I mean because It's uh, definitely It's been the most fun for me is to play in these tournaments and really represent myself and With the Eagles having a club series event. That's something that really Messed me up a little bit But I honestly I had to do what's best for me and what keeps me and you know Who keeps my mind off of what happened because it all affected us differently And it all I mean we all got to deal with it differently And this is what I'm going to choose to do kind of remove some of that stress and remove some of them thoughts From my mind to the best of my ability I hope and pray that you guys still continue to you know to come by the stream to support because This is something that I did use all my money all my energy For the last year and a half to build. This is not something that's on a whim This is not something that isn't what I want to do. This is truly You know my passion in life and truly something I want to continue to do so if If I still got the support from you guys I'll continue to do this and hopefully by the time next year rolls around Or even by the time uh draft champions rolls around is something I I can put aside and go ahead and compete But right now as far as the mcs and the club series is just something that's really not and Not in my best interest to competing So that's where that is