 Life's kind of boring, but I'll go Christmas day. Oh my God, please never let me do that again. I was about to start this vlog clip and I realized that the toilet is still running. It's cute. I almost said good morning, but it is 4.56 p.m. So hello everybody, welcome to Vlogmas number two. I'm doing a little makeup touch-up and we are getting ready to go to a little Christmas bar tonight in LA. I believe it's called Holly Jolly Bar and it's at EPLP, which is one of my favorite bars. One of my favorite rooftop bars in LA. I haven't been there in a really long time. I honestly don't know the last time I was there. So it's gonna be really fun. We're going with our friends, Josh and Noel and that's gonna be a blast. And I was kind of going back and forth if I was gonna film vlog tonight and I was like, you know what, let's do it because I feel like it's something fun and festive, something that if you don't live here, it might be fun to see. And I know that a lot of different states and cities and stuff have all kinds of Christmas pop-up bars, but this one looks like it's gonna be really fun. So I went to one last year and it was downtown. I went with my friend Laura and that was a blast. So I'm excited about this one. Drew is making us dinner right now and then we're gonna head off the door. So I'm trying to find a spot for this mirror here. And then I figured we could do like a little get ready with me. I kind of like already have eye makeup on from the day but we're gonna like tie it over to the evening time and just try to make it work. My hair is dying to be washed but I just ran out of time. So I did a quick body shower. It's fine, whatever. But I did wanna like touch up my face makeup and just chat. I don't right now have about 40 minutes until I have to leave. And I will honestly take up every single moment of that because I'm a hot mess and I have ADHD time blindness. So it's probably for the best that I gave myself so much time. I do the same makeup every time I get ready. So I'm not gonna bother like explaining what products I'm using. Anytime I get ready, it's all the same thing. And it's just very boring. So okay, what's new? We went home for Thanksgiving to Arizona. I think I mentioned that. It was so nice. We decided like the day before we left that we were gonna go. There were like two tickets left on the flight that we wanted to take. Actually, I think those were the only flights that were available. And we just kind of went for it. We had originally thought we were gonna have plans here and then that sort of fell through. So we were like, man, let's just go back home and see our family. So we got to see our moms and we got to see Drew's nieces and all of his family members. And it was great. But now we're back. We're in like the full swing of things. I do have a really busy week this week. I have something every single day. Every single day this week, which is not great for me. I'm an introvert and I will be crashing at any moment. I'm guaranteed. While I am touching up my makeup, maybe I will answer a couple of questions that I had gotten from the Q and A right before I left for England. Cause I really get to get through as many questions as I wanted. So let's see. Okay. The first one I'm gonna answer is how have you been doing on your self care and health journey you've been on? I'm gonna be so honest right now. Not good. Like not good. I feel like I just can't seem to find a consistent, like steady, I don't know, like baseline where I just exercise every day, make healthier choices when it comes to like foods that nourish my body and don't trigger my SIBO or anything else like that. And my SIBO has gotten really bad. Like it's gotten so uncomfortable. And it's just a really restricting diet that they tell you to do. And it's like no carbs, no vegetables. No that it's like basically just like meat and only certain meats. And then it makes you anemic on top of it. Like the SIBO because your body like can absorb nutrients, which is fun. And I just feel like I'm getting to the point where I need to go back to my gastro doctor and like figure out what else is going on. And I've mentioned this before, but I had like the weirdest year with my health than like I've ever had before. And my health is just so valuable to me. I've learned this here. So I don't know. I feel like they're like the T is that I am probably in like a worse place with my body than I've ever been. And I feel like if I'm just being so brutally honest, I'm not even gonna think too much about this before I say it. I feel like all of the work that I've done over the last several years trying to get at a better place with my body and like accept where I am and not judge myself and like not let those kinds of like diet culture thoughts creep into my brain and not sort of like let my body, dysmorphia take over, et cetera, like all of that. I feel like I've lost. I feel like I've lost all of it. It just feels like it's gone. I don't know. It's just like I'm just being perfectly honest. I talked to my friend Cara about this recently where how I felt like people were probably gonna say like you built your platform on you know, body positivity or body confidence or whatever you wanna call it. So how could you, how dare you like say that you're in a bad place about your body? Were you lying? Were you faking it, et cetera? And no, honestly, like everything that I've ever said about body stuff, I believe I just don't believe it about myself for some reason. And I know people are gonna like interpret that however they want. But yeah, I'm just like having a really hard time. And when you have multiple doctors on top of it being like you need to lose weight. I did have a doctor tell me you need to lose as much weight as possible which was just like upsetting. And at what point do you like balance? Okay, there are certain things that are like affecting my health and also like you're kind of coming from a fat public place. Like you know, so there's just like a lot. There's just a lot. And I found that I think over the years I don't wanna get too deep into it but like I have really like developed a thing where I buy a lot of clothing because I'm like looking for something that makes me feel confident. Like I'm looking for an outfit that makes me feel cute and confident and that like hides my body. And it's just like not a good place to be in. And I don't know, I do feel like a little bit more comfortable talking about it because a lot of other like body focused creators that I follow have started talking about the same thing. Like there's just so much in the media about like Osempic and people going on weight loss drugs and having weight loss surgery and plastic surgery and all this kind of stuff. And like I fully support that by the way. I fully support someone's choice to do whatever they want with their own body. It can just be really hard to like have that get into your head and be like, oh everyone else is doing X, Y and Z. So like I feel like I should too or whatever. I have to do this wing or I'm just gonna talk forever. So hold on. Anyway, so yeah, I don't know. That's just been something that's, I'm being so honest right now. Like it's really been hanging on me and it's really been upsetting and frustrating. I'm mad at myself. I feel like I've like taken a million steps backwards. I really, you know, my word for 2023 was balanced and I feel like I have struck balance in a lot of ways, like a lot of ways. I really do feel proud of myself for that, but I think I will try to continue that on into 2024 and just find a place where it's not so extreme. And it's like, I have to work out every day and then like feeling guilty and punishing myself if I eat too many cookies or cake or whatever. And like just yeah, finding that happy balance because I want to live a long, healthy life and I want to extend my health as much as possible. But I also want to like be mindful of, you know, disordered things and diet, culturally things and all that kind of stuff. So I know that me saying this, a lot of people can relate. Like I fully understand that there are gonna be so many people watching this who 100% understand what I'm saying right now, but I just, there's like that voice in the back of my head that's like, people are gonna say this and that. I'm already trying to like imagine what people are gonna say. But anyways, that's the tea. That's just me being perfectly honest. I'm gonna set my makeup before I forget. We're gonna take a quick pause. Why am I talking while I'm spraying this in my face? I don't know. Drew just made us dinner, so I'm gonna go eat some dinner and then we will come back and finish getting ready. All right, we're back. I probably have spaghetti sauce all over my face. It's fine, it's fine. I think I'm feeling brave. I'm gonna do like a red lip. I also wanna do this like really cute sparkly eyeliner under my lash line. So what even is this? Urban Decay Heavy Metal. You have to be really careful with this stuff. I think I got it for the Ares tour or maybe I had it before that, but it literally will burn the shit out of your eyes. You're not careful. Also, I was just thinking. Remember how I said I was gonna answer some questions and then I only answered one? That's fine. Apparently I'm just ready to talk about that, so okay. I'm probably a waste of family. I'm gonna show you how I do it. I literally just do like this. Did I do that too, or no? And then I'll just like put some mascara. I gotta be careful though, because it stays wet for so long. Anyway, I was talking with Dru at dinner about what I was talking about on my blog and he was just being so reassuring and sweet and reminded me that so many of you are gonna completely get me and know what I'm talking about. I don't feel like that all the time, by the way. It's just definitely in my low points, for sure. And I'm also about to start my period, which is a terrible time of the month for me, so that's just adding to it. But if you are struggling, oh, I got too close to my eyes, it's burning. But if you are struggling with body image during the holidays, I just wanna let you know that you're not alone and I'm here with you and you're perfect and wonderful the way you are. So I hope you will remember that and you deserve love and respect, no matter what size you are. And I just have to remind myself of all the things that I've learned so far and just try not to forget them, you know? It's hard though, it's so hard. We're gonna do a tiny bit of mascara on the bottom lash line. I don't wanna like cover it up, but it's just a little harsh when it's like just the line with no mascara. There we go, that's cute. Just a little pop of glitter. It does kind of burn my eyes though, I'm not gonna lie. I used to have this lipstick called Dragon Girl by Nars and that was like the lipstick that Taylor wears. Taylor Swift, obviously. I have no idea where I put that, ho-ho-ho. I'm not gonna look for it right now. So I'm gonna do this Fenty one. This is the Stunna lip paint in the color Uncensored. We're just gonna do that instead. But I know for sure I just, I was in the mood for a red lip, so that's what we're gonna do. I'm actually gonna put lip liner like all over my lips just to help the lipstick hold on better. I'm not great at makeup, so don't come for me, okay? I'm a little scared, but we're just gonna go for it. Oh, so scary. I already feel like I kind of regret this, but we must commit. I mean, it's a lot darker than I remember, but also like it's kind of cute. I'm trying to talk to her so it can dry, right? That'll do, I guess. I feel like a dancer right now. It's like my hair slipped back and then I've glittered like a ball of love dancers. Those girls on TikTok, I see them all the time. Okay, so what I'm gonna do, my hair is like already slicked to the god. I'm gonna like pull down some front pieces and braid them, I think. Does that just sounds fun? Like a little front piece, and then we will slick the rest back again because she needs a little help. I need to find like a better hair slicking product because the one I use right now is the Day Styling Cream, but it's not like it doesn't have the same holding power as like a gel would. Honestly, actually, this doesn't look that bad. I'm not very good at slicking my hair. I feel like I always see people and like their hair is so slicked and there's no bumps at all in sight whatsoever. Like it's honestly an inspiration, but I'm just simply not like that. I don't know how this looks in the back. You will have to let me know and I won't know until it's too late. Sure, that'll do. And then we'll get these just a little bit wet. Oh, I think this is gonna be cute. Okay, this piece of hair is too small, so I'm gonna like fix this and then we're gonna get dressed and head out. As per usual, I ran out of time and Uber is almost here. It's practically at the door, but here is the outfit that I decided to throw together. Okay, I got this leather jacket on from Target that I got forever ago. This is actually a skirt from Lisa Says God. This is a rental skirt from Newly and my black cowboy boots. Let's go. Hello. Yeah. So cute. So a lot of these drinks have milk in them. So we have milk and cookies, drummer boys, Santa baby. Hi. Wow, look at those. So here's my little margarita mix, I think, and then that's like the pomegranate. Look how cute this is. I got the rocking around. Rock on. All right, let me make my drink. Oh, come on. Oh yeah, make your drink. Here I go. He's milky. It's potent. Is it? It's potent. Yeah, you wanna try that one? I got more Christmas-y old-fashioned, yeah? I think it's gonna be the all-spice one. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. Christmas trees everywhere. Everywhere you go. It's a warm drink. Mold-like. Hot apple cider. It's chocolate. That's shocking. Oh, I used to love making this, and you decorate the tree with it, and you probably like it. Hot corn garland. Yep. I knew it. It was such a 90s kid thing. What does that work this year? Actually, we should all just take the year off. Yeah, yeah. It's in New York. I think we're going back to Europe. Perfect. I want me to take the year off with all of this. Because I don't want to run into French hands. Protect the halls without a holly. Fa la la la la la la la. Tis the season. To be drawn. To be drawn. A Christmas tree. Yes. One of the kings of Christmas music. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Oh, me too. You go to the mall on Black Friday, December 24th, and you're dealing with... Crows. Yes. Hello, Pussies. Oh, Lottie. Oh, hang on. Oh, Lottie. Oh, hell. Oh, hell. Remember when you said Karen's need to speak to them? You're in for a major. Everyone is telling Ralphie this in a Christmas story. You'll shoot your eye out. You'll shoot your eye out. You know my uncle shot his eye out when he grabbed me? If you eat mushrooms on December 25th, you're going to have a... Trip. Christmas trip. Oh, well done. You see it and it's these little like fruits. Visions. Oh, yes. Of sugar plums. Visions of sugar plums dance in their heads. Oh, shit. That is so good. A honey-baked ham. Bum, bum, bum, bum. The stars are in the night. I'm starting to see joy to the world. This is a mixture of... Okay, so they make brown sugar out of white sugar and... Losses. Yes. Let's progress to this. When they say with visions of sugar plums dance in their heads, what do they say before that? The children sat all... Cozy. In a circle. The children sat all... Quiet, cozy, comfy, snug. Snug in a rug. Close. Snug in bed. Close, snug. Snug like a bug. No, no. Oh my God, I hate this fucking thing. I hate Christmas. Don't stop. I'm gonna be so honest. Mom and dad are drunk. We need to go home. We need to go home. Just take a minute to come home and stuff. See, it's fine. Anyways, it was so much fun. We ended up leaving the Christmas bar and we were like, oh, it's only like seven-something. So we ended up going back to our friend's apartment and we just like played this game and like my heart is just so warm. Like Noel and I were little besties together and our freshmen in sophomore years of high school and we were cheerleaders together and now here we are as like 35-year-olds living in L.A. Just making me really happy. Okay, we're going home. Goodbye. Okay, it's the next morning and in the spirit of realness and honesty, this is what I'm working with. Yeah, we're not hungover at all but we are very tired. That's just being in your 30s going out on a Tuesday night. We're gonna try the advent calendars but we don't have our lives together because we still don't have bread. So we're going grocery shopping today. So for the next one, we will have like actual toast to try these like spreads on. But we decided we're gonna end this off. I was like, we were just sitting here talking and I was like, wouldn't that be funny if I like filmed the rest of the vlog just like how I'm looking right now? He was like, do it, it's real, it's honest. And I was like, you know what? Yeah, it's like when you have sleepover and you all like hang out in someone's room or go in the kitchen in the morning and you all look haggard and like that's, it's like close friends vibes, you know? I'm like literally just eating my oatmeal still. We ordered Alfred because we don't even have milk. We've been home from Arizona for like two days. Yeah, we're falling apart. So it's okay. Number three. Yeah, let me use it. Ooh, what? Apricot banana. Good. I don't know how I feel about that. Apricot banana, what? Spread. Oh, okay. And then number four is cherry pink peppercorn spread. Oh, okay. I wonder if this would be good on like meat, like a chicken, like a stuffed chicken breast with like goat cheese or something. Look at me getting ahead of myself. I don't know, what the hell? Sorry. Someone's watched the Food Network. Okay, I'm sure I have oatmeal in my teeth. This is like very real. Let me know if you want me to do a vlog. I mean, this one kind of is like that, but like in the future, like if I did one of those vlogs, this is where it's like vlogging, like you're on my close friend's story because then I'm gonna give you the real meme. You know how like you can pick people in your stories, like on Instagram and you can create a thing called close friends and it only sends it to those people. So it's almost like a private. And not very active on it. Are you done with this? Yeah. That's the banana one. Banana? I don't know if you want the bigger crackers. I didn't break it in half very well. That's okay. You hate banana stuff more than me, so I'll sacrifice this one. And then you can have a bigger peppercorn one. You're doing this one first? Yeah. Cheers. I haven't caught banana. Okay, that's not my time. Why do you taste banana? It's kind of like pancakes or something. I don't think this cracker is the right combo. Actually, I think that would be really good on a cheese board. Weirdly. I'm surprised by how much I like that. I also love these pink ones. I wonder what the difference is. So cute. I'm gonna give that like eight out of 10, honestly. That's pretty good. What do you give it? The seven. Okay. Cherry pink peppercorn. It's very mild. It's good. I don't taste any peppercorns. I don't even taste cherry. This is kind of like. It's just like sweet. Yeah. I mean, I feel like, yeah, this would be another good one that's good for like a cheese board because it's just a sweetener without like an intense flavor. So, okay, that was kind of anticlimactic. Am I gonna have candy at 9.19 in the morning? Yes, I am. And you're gonna try it too. Oh, okay. Now we're gonna do my, my C's candy, number three. I don't know. Here's what it looks like. It's just caramel. You're gonna like that, yeah. It's so cold in our house. It's cold. It's frozen. Drew's mom says we keep the temperature of our house on Morg. She's not wrong. Oh, ew. Get out of my, two chocolates. Did I want chocolate right now? Not really, but am I mad? Nope. Is it just a milk chocolate star? Yeah. Boring. But the caramel was really good. Nice. My turn. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Oh, like a dorayaki? Mm-hmm. I wonder what flavor it is. Do you think it's red bean? I hope so. Mm-hmm. It's red bean. Yay! Your face. Yay, that's so cute. Want a bite? Yeah, sure. It's pretty good. I love beans. Sometimes I'm like, I have a hard time with like sweet beans, but this really tastes deep. I like the cake. Okay. Six. Ooh. That's a washi tape. Is it? Whoa. Yeah, it's washi tape. Oh, that's kind of cute. Got like a cute little cherry blossom pattern, I think, or just some sort of floral pattern. Okay, cute. Ooh. What is that? Sakura soap. There's two of them. Ooh, it smells good. It's like very floral. It's like a Sakura scented soap. Mm. Cute. Yeah, I feel like you've gotten like a wide variety so far. You've gotten food, crafts, soap. Anime. Like in traditional. Candy. Yeah. Cute. Okay. That's gonna do it for us today. I don't, I don't look forward to editing this clip, but this is just real life. So I'm gonna get back to you. I'm still in the throes of editing the first couple of vlog misses. So I'm gonna get back to that, but thank you so much for being here and for watching. I hope you enjoyed just like a little bit more of a, I don't know, fun, like carefree vlog because it was just us like drinking with our friends and having fun, which we don't do that often, but I certainly don't really vlog it because I'm always just afraid of like, I don't know, judgment or people thinking that like that's my normal life all the time. But yeah, I just don't care. I just don't care. It was really fun. We had a great night and that's the joys of being in your mid 30s and not having kids or having responsibilities like that, you can just go do that. So it was really fun. And I hope you enjoyed watching it. And oh, we're falling apart. I think the next vlog actually, we might do like a fun little Netflix movie night at home, like watching some of the trashy Netflix Christmas movies or maybe just like classics. We're not sure yet, but like have a fun little night for that. So we will see what we get up to then, but thanks for watching and we'll see you soon.