 So I thought today we would talk about the dysfunctional dating process we live in, the dating marketplace, if you will. And I think one of the challenges that we're faced with today has stemmed since the internet was birthed and certainly online dating and particularly dating apps. And I feel as though dating apps have rather bastardized the process of getting to know someone and worse finding yourself being used by someone. And when I say the dating apps, I'm just saying this has created more opportunities and more situations for this to happen. And I think what humans aren't really aware of is, as I said before, the dysfunctional dating marketplace. What this does is cause people to undervalue human beings, undervalue human beings and worse treat them for their own use, if you will. And this is one of the reasons why men and women alike get used in the dating process. I think there is an absolute undervaluing of people, undervaluing of emotions, undervaluing of consideration, a real lack of disrespect. So I want to read to you, this is what sparked this video today, was a comment or one of my YouTube comments that came in yesterday wrote something. One of you lovely people wrote something and I want to share this with you because I want to process this with you all. And what she wrote is there's just so much disrespect for the most part, having no consequences for men. The grammar is off here, but just so much disrespect for the most part, having no consequences for men. And I started to think about this because it's rather easy to use someone if there's no consequence involved, like think about it. If you robbed a bank, the consequence could be you'd go to jail, right? If you robbed a bank, if you killed someone, there's a consequence for going to jail for the rest of your life. You know, if you get a car accident and you don't have insurance, there's a consequence you might lose all your assets. Think about that for a moment. In almost every facet of our lives, there are consequences for our actions and yet in the dating, mating or relating realm, there's little or no consequence for someone being used. Now let me give you some examples of this. When a man comes on strong and he love bombs you and tells you you're the most amazing person on the planet and I could see myself having children with you or I could see myself getting married. I could see ourselves having this great life. They totally love bomb you. They have sex with you. And then all of a sudden, you know what? I'm not ready for a serious relationship. All right. Or worse, somebody never calls you again. They ghost. They disappear. They pull away. There's no consequence for that. Isn't that right? Now the question becomes, should there be a consequence for it? You know, I've often said that I think if men knew they had a, let's say two out of three women that they meet were absolute psychos. Psychotic, fatal attraction kind of psychos. Do you think they might be less likely to, or let me, let me make that number nine out of 10 for a moment. If nine out of 10 women, women that a man could date was the fatal attraction. Do you think he might operate completely differently? Yeah, because the consequence, there could be a bunny boiling in the, in the, in the, in the kitchen. I was briefly watching a scene from the movie vanilla sky and there's Tom Cruz, Cameron Diaz and, and the other Penelope Cruz. And in that Cameron Diaz turns out to be kind of psycho and ends up getting in a car accident with him. Well, there was a consequence for his actions. In fact, she even says, don't you know that when you sleep with someone, you make a promise with your body, whether you are aware of it or not. Now, should there be a me too type of consequence for someone's actions? You know, with respects to men, you know, I don't know where the line is and certainly women as well. I mean, because women use men just as much as men use women. Well, as a percentage, I don't want to necessarily say I know what that percentage is, but certainly there are plenty of women who use men. And yet there are also men who genuinely use women or worse, what I'm about to share with you today. Because if you've been following my channel for a while, you know that I believe that there are three types of people acting today and are actively dating today. And I want to share this with everyone. Now, I have a new graph. This is like the person, Elena, who created this for me. I want you to know I got your new graph. But I want to share this with everyone. Three types of people dating today. And on this side is the users, which I believe is about 20%. And by the way, this says this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion. And the middle of the spenders in the last percentage are the growers. Now the users of those who seek short term gain, love bombers, players, gold diggers, entitled people, selfish people, only caring about their own needs. And the spenders are those who seek companionship connection and sex with no direction, uncertainty, fearful, usually have a dysfunctional life. And the last group are the builders. They seek a long term commitment. They're emotionally grown up. They have good relationship skills. They work together. The spenders are the predominant group of people that you're actively dating today. And these are people who are rather dysfunctional. And these people are only capable of a casual relationship. And as I said earlier, the minute you begin investing time, energy, your heart to someone, the minute you invest your heart in someone, you can get attached to somebody who may not be capable of a serious relationship. This is why I created my private coaching program. You see this link right here? It's called jonathanasley.com forward slash coaching. I created my program to help you learn how to vet for emotional maturity, how to vet for compatibility. See, because the reality is is eight out of 10 men you meet are most likely either users or dysfunctional. And yet many of you cling to the fantasy that all you have to do is sit in your feminine energy and lean back and that good builder type of guy is going to come and claim you. Leaning in your feminine energy isn't how it works. It's leaning into your sovereignty, your self worth, your self esteem. Leaning into your intentional approach to dating. You are in charge of your relationship destiny, not the guy. And yet sadly, many men and women cling to this. And that is I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to validate me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to call me in the morning and call me in the evening so I know it's safe to be with you. By the way, there might be some validity to that too. Meeting regular contact because today when we're meeting total strangers in an environment where proximity. It used to be in the past, anyone you dated knew your family, knew your friends. There was accountability and there was proximity involved. Now, you know, it can be not just a dozen miles away, but 30, 50, 100, 500, 1,000, 3,000 miles away or even another country. People are communicating with one another. And there's no way to determine that accountability. And a telephone call in the morning and the evening isn't going to be enough to build the deep roots of trust, the deep roots of trust. By the way, folks, I need you to understand this and I'm saying this kind of almost accusatory and I get it that I'm pontificating. Of course, many of you know this is the world according to Jonathan. I do this as a big brother. I do this because I can't be there for a first date for you and have the shotgun out and pointed at the guy's head. I can't be your father there looking out for you. You have to look out for yourself. I want you to think about this if you if a say a couple husband and wife's been married for quite some time and they have a 16 year old daughter going out for the first time in her life. Her father if he's a good guy would literally vet the guy to make sure that this by the way the minute that 16 year old girl goes out with a guy, maybe a 17 year old guy. He's literally entrusting that person to take care of their daughter. Well, these days we don't have that person looking out for us. We have to do it for ourselves. And I'm merely yelling about this because I want it to sink in. I want there to be some understanding that we can't naively just assume everybody is a good person. Now I will tell you this. Let me reframe that. Most people are good people. They're just bad daters. But more importantly, most human beings are dysfunctional. They're dysfunctional. They have weak relationship skills. They have weak emotional maturity. And this is men and women alike. So I'm going to share with you six things to look out for. So to see if you're possibly getting used by someone or at worse, you're going to find yourself being used up by a person. And what I mean by used up is while the person might have good intention. Well, let me reframe that. Why they might think they have good intentions. They're lacking a couple of the most important things that genuinely says, I'm looking out for your best interest because trust, as I said a moment ago, trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, can I count on this person to really look out for my best interest? So I want to share with you those six things right now. To determine if you're being used by a guy. These are just simple base guidelines to be thinking of. And number one, he doesn't open up to you. He avoids personal questions. A lot of times a person might say that's too personal for me to share. You know, when someone isn't capable of opening up to you emotionally, I want you to think about this for a moment. What's the purpose, the real intent to be, listen, other than financial need to be with someone. Because these days women have a capacity to take care of themselves. The real purpose of a relationship is to create an emotional bond with one another. And yet if a person isn't capable of sharing his personal life with you, he avoids personal questions. He doesn't open up to you. That's a sign you will get used by this guy. Okay. Number two, he doesn't ask about you past the hunting phase. Now folks, I know many of you have heard this, men are providers and men are protectors and they love the chase, right? They love the hunt, they love the chase. You've heard this narrative. What do you think men are chasing? What are men hunting? Do you think men are hunting? I want a relationship, I want a relationship, I want a relationship. Do you think that's what they're hunting? No, we're driven biologically to spread our seed. We are hunting to nail you. I'm sorry to be so crass and blunt, but that's what the hunt is, is hunting for sex. So when you're told men are hunters that sets you up for letting them be in charge of your relationship destiny. No. And while I'm not here to be Puritan, I've heard a phrase, men are the gas and women are the brakes. And while you can have sex with whomever you want, that's your choice. But ultimately, if a guy doesn't genuinely want to get to know you past that first or second time you've had sex together, because we'll say anything to get sex. Men will promise the moon to get sex. About how many of you notice that right afterwards, many men just disappear. And that's a good sign you might be used by a guy. Number three, he doesn't protect you. Now this isn't about protecting you from a physical sense. This is really protecting you from an emotional sense. You know, a genuinely good guy is mindful of how he navigates the relationship from an emotional perspective. And so he doesn't make promises he can't keep. See, that's the real issue here. Guys who promise the moon make certain implications of what the future would be like without any consequence. If he reneges on that, that's kind of fucked up, right? It's kind of fucked up to draw someone in to convince them to be in relationship with you only to ghost or disappear. That's I think a fucked up thing to do. Okay, number four. Wait, was that number four? So he doesn't protect you from an emotional sense. Number four, you never meet his friends or family. He makes excuses. That's a good sign. If a guy isn't willing to introduce you into his life, that's a good sign. He's hiding something. My girlfriend, there's a picture of her right there. We've been watching the show called, well, a couple of things. One is called unusual suspects, but the other one is who the bleep did I marry? And then this one episode, you know, this woman finds herself married to a guy that has such a shady life and asked. He didn't introduce her to her family and friends. He had excuses for that. Folks, it is through our family and friends that we can protect ourselves by finding out who their family and friends are. But more importantly, having our family and friends vet the person for us as well. So we take such a long time to introduce people to our family and friends. And yet I've had women tell me, now I only have, I have anyone, let me rewind. Before I get serious with someone, I have my friends meet the guy before I have sex with them or before I give my heart to someone. Because she wants her friends to vet this guy for her by being that critical person to ask questions. But Jonathan, that will scare a guy away. Guess what? It only scares away the wrong guy. My girlfriend introduced me to many of her friends, you know, early on in this process. I've introduced her to my friends literally as early as the third time we met. That was our plan because it said that we want you in our lives. We want each other in our lives. Our friends are an important part of this process. Number five, he doesn't go out of his way for you. He doesn't go out of his way. I want you to think about this. Going out of your way to, that a real relationship is about partnership. It's about, it's about being there for that person when you need them. You know, we have such a diluted way of dating. It's such a long drawn out process based on a lot of fear and suspicion and lack of real intentionality. But as I said earlier, what's the point of dating if you don't have a long-term plan here for yourself? And when someone says they want a relationship, well, you might mean it like this. A relationship means this. I want a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That could be one form of relationship. That could be yours. The guys could be, I just want to see you at my beck and call. But to him, that's a relationship. You better, I mean, here's the thing. If you've been watching my channel for long enough, you should be at least way more aware than the average person out there. You have no excuse for buying into a lot of this narrative and then find yourself once again, sadly, feeling used by a guy. And the sixth and most important, he puts off being exclusive and avoids conversations about the future. Any guy that avoids conversations about the future or discussing exclusivity like, you know, I don't want to put labels on this relationship. You know, this is a pair of glasses. That's a label. Okay, we do label things. This is my microphone. We label things. This is our books. We label them. That's a picture. We label to it. And if someone is fearful of talking about the future in a serious manner, then how likely are they going to ever get there? Folks, you know, I talk about this before the penis ever goes inside the vagina. You should be reading the book Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Chapter one is all about trust and commitment. You read it for yourself and you read it with a guy before you really get too down and dirty with them. Is this syncing in? Please let me know. Please post a comment below. If this is syncing in and you're finding value in this, please like this video. Please share this video with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel. All right. We just covered the six things men do or the guys will do these six things that they're using you. I don't want you to get used by studying the books. By the way, all the books I recommend are listed in the below. I recommend all these. So you're actually better prepared than naively dating under the premise that chemistry equals relationship success. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, you can see it above the water line is attraction. That says chemistry, but below the water line is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That's more important for compatibility. And if this isn't in your consciousness before this video, it is in your consciousness now. And I invite you, not only invite you, I encourage, I demand of you to be more intentional in the process. And let's go with this narrative that men are the leaders of the relationship because you are in charge of your destiny, not the guy. Is this syncing in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. All right. I think this will be a good chance for us to do our good time to do our Q&A for those that are familiar with my Q&A process. There's if you have a question for me, write the word question and post the question there after, or you can purchase a super sticker super chat all the month. And there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. And if you're watching the replay, there's a super thanks. All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. He's my son who passed away a few years ago. And his honor, I don't start a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Institute. We've already donated, I believe, $3,000 in the past year. So I'd love again, if you have a question asked, post the question there. All right. Also, guess what? We have new products in the products listed below. We have coffee mugs that say radical honesty. And in my son's name in honor of Connor, salty love, it's in the store here. So if you see the link below, you can purchase either coffee mugs or t-shirts or that sort of thing. Anyways, I'll put my drink in this in honor of Connor, it's called salty love. So, all right, let's see what we have in the way of questions going on today. I'm excited to do this. All right. Nope, I got to put on my glasses real quick. Oh, I want to thank Jessica for the $5 super sticker. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. That's sweet of you. Thank you. Okay, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after roller girls in the house. I want to say thank you, Margaret. Let's see if we have any questions here. There's a looks like there's a dialogue going on between some of you. So if you have a question. Stephanie says, are they protecting their daughters and us using us? Yeah, it's interesting how a guy would protect his daughter and yet use women sat. Let's see. If you have a question, write the word question, post their question thereafter or purchase the super sticker. Super thanks. Looks like there's a conversation going on right now. Well, we might have a bashful group group tonight. Someone says Jade says worse when they dis when they worse is when they don't disappear but stick around and pretend to be there but completely unavailable yet around better yet they leave exactly. Exactly. Thank you. Excuse me. I've got to chill. Roller girl says hi, Jonathan and everyone. Thank you so much. Folks, if we don't have any questions, we're going to be wrapping up early. So you better start writing some questions down there. Is it's hard for me to. Ah, here we go. Oh, Tiffany of 49 99. Super sticker. Thank you so much. Jonathan, I've been listening to you for a year. I have found your insight and your book recommendations very helpful in a great juicy delicious. I've integrate juicy delicious relationship for eight months and counting. Thank you, Tiffany. I'm so happy to hear that. Big hugs to you, sweetheart. All right. Let's see what Linda says. Linda says question. Does he initiate the title if it's been a while and still no title or does she. Folks, as I always say before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should find out if you're monogamous and exclusive with one another. Okay. So prior to sex, you simply say before I'm intimate with someone, I'm monogamous and exclusive. And I only have sex with a boyfriend. Howdy or girl. How do you operate? You ask him how he operates in that capacity. You ask him how he operates. That's when you do it. Okay. All right. Thank you for that question, Linda. Jody says, thanks, Jonathan, for all your wisdom, big love from Melbourne. Thank you so much. Luann says question. What about the ones that pop back in a week or months later or decades later? Well, what about those guys? Okay. The question is why did they leave in the first place? Why did they leave in the first place? If you had one or two conversations with someone and they pop back later, that could have been because they were dating someone else. Maybe they got distracted. Maybe, you know, sadly when my son passed away, I disengaged for a while and I was communicating with a few women at that time. So the question is why did they pop away and why did they circle back? Why did they pop away and why did they circle back? These are some good questions to find out. So that's my invitation for you on that one. I think that's a great question. Thank you so much, Luann. Ah, thank you. Lisa writes question. I don't use online dating. How do I meet guys? I work from home doing hair and mostly spend time with women. Well, yeah, I'm going to be crass here. You can become lesbian and date one of your clients, but I know that I'm just being jokeful here. So here's the thing. You have to be intentional. You have to put yourself in environments to be seen by a single eligible guy. So where do single men, eligible men hang out? Well, you would start going to maybe a speed dating event, maybe a singles event, maybe a church event, where other singles you would, those, you have to literally put yourself in an environment where there are single eligible people. You have to put yourself in that environment. You can go to Home Depot and, you know, but is that really going to work? Maybe you could start going to golf courses. A lot of men go to golf courses or, you know, it's interesting. My girlfriend told me a couple of years back, her and her girlfriends, every Monday night went to a restaurant bar that had, they were giving away a thousand dollar pair of shoes, Manola Blanco's, Jimmy Choo's, whatever those were, whatever, a thousand dollar pair of shoes. There was a giveaway every Monday night. Her and her girlfriends would sit at a high-end bar. God, I got something in my eye. A high-end bar. And men would start to come up and flirt with them. Now, she'd always buy her own drink, but she actually by getting hit on, you know, every Monday night for a year and a half, she learned to kind of read men. Now, she didn't meet her guy that way. She met her guy, me, through match.com, but I will tell you this, 50% of all new relationships are happening through an online connection, so I wouldn't discount it. Anyways, that's my, those are some of my suggestions for you. Lisa, thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it. Kathy says, question from Australia. Have you been aware of men using online dating forms to find grandmothers as a way to get to their grandkids pedophilia? I have not heard of that, and it disgusts me just reading that. So that's very sad. But then again, with the internet, I don't know how many times I get spam calls and I get calls from, you know, the fake IRS trying to scam me money. So with the internet now, I can't begin to think how many scams are out there, just like the Tinder swindler. So, but no, I am not heard that one. Jeanette says, question, what questions can you ask to find a guy that these avoid it? That's, so in my private coaching, I call it shortcut to Mr. Right, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. I design a specific questionnaire. I help you design a specific questionnaire based on your personality to determine how to gauge his emotional maturity. So I've done the work for you. So if you want help with that, schedule a call with me. All right. Thank you so much, Jeanette, for that question. Jennifer writes, question, just met a guy on bumble. He's divorced, but still seems to be healing some anger and resentment from his ex-wife, Puchin, on him. He's done work on himself, worth exploring any relationship, some anger and resentment. I think anyone that's holding on to the past can oftentimes be very problematic people. I prefer people that are, it's, you know, if it's substantial enough to notice, that's a red flag. That's probably should be a deal breaker for you, but that's my perception on that anyway. So good luck with him, Jennifer. Linda writes, question, what if the penis was accidentally already been in the vagina and still no title after a year, time to end it or bring it up? You know, this is a perfect example, ladies, of many of you going at this process without any intentionality. So the average woman gets used five and a half years before she wakes up. So my question for you is, I would bring it up today. By the way, in my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Health and Spiritual Work. If you're a young woman, speak your truth, do it with kindness. Chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Look, after a year, it's a shitter, get off the pot moment for the two of you, in my opinion. So yes, I would do it quickly, because you're probably going to find out that he is basically getting the benefits of companionship, connection and sex without any real intentionality of commitments. Most likely. All right, thank you for that question, Linda. Jessica writes, question, how can you keep a man interested without being too sexual in conversation? How much is too much in answering sexual preferences? You know, I think a little bit of flirting, sexual flirting is okay, but a little bit. I mean, that's a hard thing to quantify. You know, but I certainly, I would say, if your conversations are all about sex, then the relationship will only be about sex. If you have, if it's like 2%, 3% flirting with some sexuality, that's plenty enough. Anything more than that is probably, is probably going to take you down a rabbit hole of it only being about sex. So that's, that's the way I would approach that. Again, if thinking about this question is about conversation. So my feeling is this, you have a couple conversations before you meet in person. Once you meet in person, you take the relationship off the telephone and you do it face to face. Many of you are experiencing cyber relationships. You spend more times on your, more time on your devices than you actually do physically being with each other. Men don't bond through the telephone. We bond through social activities, hobbies, mutual interest. That's where we bond. So that's where most of your time should be together doing social activities, hobbies, and mutual interest. All right, thank you so much for that question, Jessica. I appreciate it. Christie writes, Why would a man lock eyes with me constantly? He only talks to me in private, he rarely talks to me in public. He doesn't do it with other women. I'm confused on why he does this. I'm not sure if I understand this in the context. Is he a person that you work with? Is he a person that you meet at a bar? Is this your boyfriend? I don't know the context of this, but a man who avoids you in public most likely is somebody who has something to hide. Mostly married men have something to hide. So I would say if you're not actively dating each other and going out and doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, working together, teamwork building skills in your life, then what are you really doing with this person? All right, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, Christie, let's see. Lisa says, thank you. You're very welcome. Wanda writes, Question. I have a long distance relationship communication. He says he's coming to see me in the spring, but no plane ticket bought yet. Should I be worried? He seems emotionally mature and caring. You know, I usually buy an airplane ticket one month prior to traveling and that's usually my timeframe because always schedules can change. So I wouldn't, should you be worried? I wouldn't look at it as worry. I'm just not surprised because I usually, I know for myself, I usually don't book an airline ticket unless, I mean, I have the exact dates and everything lines up, but I wait usually till about a month to purchase an airline ticket. So it's not quite the spring yet. The challenge is, is he the only person you're talking to right now? I wouldn't be investing my heart onto somebody who may never show up. That's what I, I wouldn't count. This doesn't become real until it's real. It's not a real relationship until you're actually together. So I wouldn't invest any more than a little bit of conversation until you physically meet and then you meet again and again and again. And there's a plan of how to take the distance from short distance. I'll share a moment about my girlfriend and I, but we had a game plan. We had a game plan of how we were going to take the distance, the 2000 miles distance and shorten it. And we now after six months of being together, we lived together, but we had a plan. We talked about it. We, we looked at apartments together. We got a moving truck. You know, we, we helped each other with the whole process. We had a plan. And this plan started literally. It began. I went to see her in Chicago. I didn't go see her. I went to Chicago for a wedding. We met. She came to visit me. And after that visit on the next visit, we began our plan. And I'm not saying that's the standard, but I certainly would say that's the most important piece. So Wanda, thank you for your question. I appreciate it. Jade writes question. As you say, not all men are bad. How to know when a man is not bad, but not skillful either. And it's safe to engage with ladies. This is one of the reasons why I always recommend before the penis starts to regularly go inside the vagina. You purchase a cop, two copies of the book, eight dates, and you start reading this together. By the way, I have so many women reaching out to me. Thank you for telling me this, Jonathan. Now some of the men are engaging in this. Some of the men are engaging in this. That makes them better prospects than the guys that go, oh, we don't need a book week. Our love is, our love is so pure that we don't need a book to solve it. Folks. Listen, you know, we are, we are, we are swimming in a sea of absolutely emotionally immature men and women and men in particular are winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it. They have no clue. Most people don't know how to be an adult in a relationship. Most people don't. I'm laughing. I laugh at this because I read the comments over and over again. I'm wondering to myself, are you, are you a grown up here? Because if your parents were reading this, they go, oh my God, I didn't raise a grown up. And I'm talking about 50 and 60 year old people. I know this sounds rather righteous on my part, but I'm telling you. And what was the question again? I went off on a tangent. How do you know if they're skillful or not? You ask deeper questions. But Jonathan, I'm told not to interrogate a guy. Do you know most of you are dating like this. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. You guys are cavalierly dating because you're afraid to ask questions. Stop being afraid. There's another book I invite you to read. It's called Most of You in Midlife or Divorce. This is a great book to read. How to make, making your second marriage a first class success. I know many of you may not want to get married, but you may want to read this book so you can understand the mechanics of how to make a relationship really good. I get so riled up. By the way, the salty love mug, and you can get all the mugs and the radical honesty mug and this mug in the store below. All right. Let's see what else we have. We have a few more minutes for questions. Question. Why do married men flirt with single women? Because they're unhappily married. They're not getting sex in their marriage. They're not feeling emotional intimacy in their marriage. They're terrible husbands, and they think all they have to do is talk somehow. All our problems will be solved if another person comes into our life. This is the delusion most human beings believe. I'm in a mediocre relationship, but if I'm with somebody else, it'll be better. See, folks, after my divorce, I got onto the internet and I'll never forget my first internet date. My name is Tish. We're still friends on Facebook after a decade and a half. Nice woman, great first date, but something wasn't right. Then about a week later, I went out with another woman. Nice date, nice woman, something wasn't right. And about a week later, I went out with another woman and sometimes I go out with two women a week and in the course of a year, I had over 100 internet dates, 100 first dates. Nice women, something wasn't right. And a blight bulb went off on the head. Do you know what the common denominator is here? Me. This is why I began reading all these books to understand why was I experiencing the wrong woman over and over and over again. I realized it wasn't the woman, it was me. And I began doing a deep dive into personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. And sure enough, about a year or two later, a really fantastic woman. And we began a six-year journey together. Now, we weren't right for each other for the long run, but it was the healthiest relationship I ever had in my life. Thankfully, she was a therapist and she reparented me to be prepared to be with my sweetheart, who by the way will be joining me next Tuesday and next week in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. By the way, there's a link below to join my group. She's going to be joining our live stream a week from today. You can meet her personally. Join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. And if you have Facebook, we're going to be doing a Facebook live together for the group one week from today. Are you excited about that? I am. She's nervous as heck. Oh, personal question from Corny Cobb. Are you and will you write another book? You know what? My second, my third book, which was really going to be my second book called Compassionate Dating, Why Modern Romance Needs a Makeover. You know what? I need a ghost writer. I really need a good ghost writer to help me with this. I need someone to really, this is where I need someone's expertise formulating all these thoughts. So yeah, it's in my head floating around, but I need someone to help me with it. Thank you for asking, Corny. I appreciate it. Red flags aren't carnivals. Run the other direction. Exactly. Rose writes. Oh, Linda says thank you, Jonathan. Big brother, Jonathan. I appreciate that. Rose writes question. Why do men say there will be, wait, why do men say there, there, there will be there for you. They will be there for you when they do. And then they suddenly are nowhere to be found. Why did they say that? You know, I think sometimes men's appetites are bigger than their stomachs. I know I've done something similar in a way, but it's usually because there wasn't enough trust built. There wasn't enough trust built. I didn't feel safe with the person. And, and so I think in the way of making promises I couldn't keep was my hope. I think it was like I was trying to talk myself into it. I know that happened to me a few times where my hope was by making a promise it will help me get there. You know, I talked to my son who was in, there's a picture of him right there. Not the one who passed away. Oh, Connor. You know, my son was in a short lived relationship and he really liked the person, but he just didn't feel it. And he stayed in the relationship. It was, I think a five month relationship. He wasn't feeling it by the third month. He was just hoping something would change. I think sometimes it's hard to let go of a person you like when you're hoping something will be different. And he had a, they had a very gracious conscious uncoupling. I think it's hard sometimes our feelings aren't facts. It's hard sometimes to really know if you're really feeling deep love, if you've never experienced before. I don't think my son ever experienced deep love before. So he didn't know, but all he knew is it didn't feel that way. This is the tricky part. We can like someone. We can like them a lot. But sometimes love isn't intangible. You know, it's interesting. My girlfriend, I shared something with her just yesterday. I said, you know, we had our first date and I knew there was something about her that felt so different than other women. I knew she was wife material. I can't tell you is an intangible, but I knew that she wasn't a one night stand. She wasn't low hanging fruit. She was, she was the top of the tree and it had nothing to do with looks. It was an intangible. So by the time I took her, I invited her to crash the wedding with me the next day or the day after. And we just, we were just, we really synced together. It was an intangible. So I knew from that point, I didn't have to make a promise I couldn't keep because I genuinely felt something I never felt before with other women when there was something missing. Sometimes I'd make a promise I couldn't keep because I was hoping by making the promise I could keep the promise. Is this making sense at all? I think humans do this as a, you know, because sometimes we hold hope and the hope is oftentimes just magic fairy dust because feelings are such a complicated thing to really navigate. And men in particular have a hard time navigating their feelings. I went off on a tangent there, but I hope I answered your question. Thank you so much. Let's keep going. Jessica says, thank you for answering my question. You're very welcome. Kelly says, oh, the timing of this is perfect. Thank you, Jonathan. You're very welcome. Jeanette says, thank you, Jonathan, for what you do. I've been listening to you since my divorce in 2021 and have learned a lot. Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate that. Paula says, Jonathan, you described my boyfriend exactly after four years, I feel the same relationship, no growth. He's emotionally immature. I'm sorry to hear that saying you a big jug, jug, hug of love. How can you tell if you have a bare minimum kind of man? You know, most men will give the bare minimum. It's all we have to do. You know, it's funny. Ladies, you'll have sex with the guy and all he has to do is romance you a little bit. You know, so what is beyond the bare minimum? Read the book, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman together. That, oh, well, how about this? Before the penis goes inside the vagina, you do the dating vows. By the way, they're in the description below. There's a copy of what I'm about to read to you all. This is the guys who actually are more serious when you can say to each other, once you've agreed to have sex on a regular basis, you agree, I agree to explore. They both say this to each other. I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree to not actively seek and meet date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down my dating profile. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know each other, which looks like spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal or professional life. I agree to invest regular time to get to know each other. 90% of men will bail on this because there's thousands of women who will have sex without any commitment or agreement whatsoever. If all women band together going forward, this will change how men treat and view sex. In the meantime, if he does agree, you have a better chance of commitment. And by the way, this is purely an opinion. There's no fact based on this. But I will tell you, if a guy agrees to this, you have a better chance than the guys who don't. And the guys who don't will say, oh my God, you are such a pain in the ass. You have all these rules. Your vagina should have rules. Guys should swim through a sea of sharks to get to your vagina. Don't give it up so easily. God, I get so wrong. All right. I think I pontificated enough there. Let's see. Let's keep going. Is this sinking in it? Everyone, please let me know. Someone says, well, I don't have that much time for another person. Well, if you don't have that much time for a relationship, what kind of relationship do you have time for? Holly says, I agree. My vagina has rules. Yes, your vagina has rules. Holly says amen. Yes. Lisa says, I love it. I do too. Thank you so much. Hey folks, I think I've had a great time with you tonight. Thank you so much for allowing me to enter your lives. I hope you found value in guys who will do these six things if they're using you. And I don't want you to be used. You are in charge of your relationship destiny. You are in charge, not the guy. And then invite you to take charge of your life. Be in your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem. Be that bitch. A babe in total control of herself. Yes. Take charge of your life. Margaret says it's sinking in. Pretty says it's sinking in. Rose says, I agree. Jeanette says it's sinking in. Kathy says, wait. Kathy says, my vagina is not short-made exactly. I thought that was a funny one. All right, folks. I think this will be a great place to wrap up our video today. First off, I'm going to give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrow of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone. A pet, a teddy bear or a pillow. A little bit of love. A little bit of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Christie and Holly and Pam and Jessica and Leif and Margaret and pretty and Kathy and Kelly and Rose and Leif and Paula and NJ Philly. Live, live, learn more. wishing you a super dupe. Did you find value in this? Please let me know. All right. Have a beautiful evening everyone. You take care. Bye now.