 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan Astley of Jonathan Astley comm and I'm so excited to be doing this live Stream for you today our topic the six things men secretly want but don't ask for six things guys want But they don't secretly want but they don't ask for Really quickly if you're brand new to my youtube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new videos and if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I could be seen in the youtube algorithms Really quickly my coaching is what I call heart centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally use Explosives to enhance the sentence so if an fbomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now Lastly, these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I suggest this is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian So my advice goes contrary to public opinion All right, let's jump into those six things guys secretly want but they don't ask for Well, I want to be candid with you. I actually did this title a slightly different title of this Last year and I thought I'd revisit it from a different perspective But before I do I want to read something to you which I think is very critical for understanding this um so I want to I want to I'm going to take a different take and what I said is but before I do I want to say this The dating process today is a mess I mean, it's truly a shit show From ghosting to micro ghosting to pulling away and saying i'm not ready for a relationship after you did a Someone coming on strong having sex and then disappearing um, this is really a mess out there And I believe that men and women are not truly prepared for the dysfunctionality that exists today due to technology Humans these days are disconnected lonely and worse worst of all divided and the hardest part is the repetitive dating can trigger or reveal All kinds of unhealthy behavior in human beings I actually want to read that sentence one more time the hardest part of all is that repetitive dating can trigger And reveal all kinds of unhealthy behavior in human beings these days so I've been thinking a lot about this. I've been thinking a lot about this. I've just got to send a message here um I've been thinking a lot about this dysfunctionality and and partially and I've talked about this in many videos is that These days we're meeting total strangers. This is not something new to my audience. I talk about this frequently And it's scary to meet a stranger. What did your parents tell you about strangers stranger danger beware of strangers? Don't talk to strangers. So we already have an inherent built-in bias towards people that we don't know now we typically in the dating realm the minute there's this You know attraction that you might see someone's picture and you go. Oh my god. I'm really attracted to him All of a sudden many people become blind. They become truly blind To this process and not to suggest that you have to approach the process with defensive, you know to be defensive I'm not remotely suggesting that at the same time When we don't know anything about the person. We don't know their family. We don't know their friends We don't know their job history and I'm not suggesting that people are bad You know 95 out of a hundred people are good people most likely. They just got garden variety dysfunctionality Okay, but there are probably five out of 10 people that are really fucked up. I'm talking about pathological liars genuine truly narcissistic abusive behavior Maybe the occasional sociopath one out of 10,000. I don't know. I'm just speculating here I'm just saying it's no wonder and and coming back to what I said earlier We at least at least here in the united states There's a significant percentage of people who are lonely that want connection with another human being They want some companionship. They want some sex They're lonely. They're disconnected from themselves And worse here. We're a divided country. I mean it is a it is becoming progressively worse I watched the news today and within 15 minutes. I was feeling depressed I mean, I literally my whole body began to shut down just listening to the divisiveness That's happening today and I'm like asking myself. Where is the love? Where is the love of humanity these days? And I know it exists. I mean, I know it exists I'm so happy because in the last 10 days, I've read I've gotten four text messages from clients who have worked with me in the past nine months who are all one is engaged Here, I'll just show her picture real quick her and her guy. They're engaged. I'll do that quickly Um, they're getting married next year. I got invited to the wedding another one is so happy another one I it was so funny this other one texted me this morning telling me about her new boyfriend. They've been going out for 12 weeks now and she held off telling me And I'm so happy to hear this and I'm like sending me the pictures. I want to see I'm so happy So I know people are falling in love And yet the same time I'm a huge believer of doing it from a place of intentionality It's one of the things I I teach in my private coaching is that that recognition, you know, not to go in blindly Go in with a sense of of being inquisitive being Digging deeper than the surface Now, I know many of you know, I've been talking lately about a book written by the guy from e-harmony The book is called two dates two dates written by the guy who started e-harmony. I am not recommending e-harmony I know many of you will complain about e-harmony. I understand that However, it's important. Let me tell you why I'm reading this book It's important to understand that the more two people are compatible The greater success rate they have and what the book talks about is the 25 25 or is it the other way around 25? I don't know how that looks on camera Qualities that the more you're aligned in these areas the greater chance for success the whole premise of their website was you had to fill out 300 questions that gave a sense of your personality and the idea was to take compatibility and ignite it with chemistry And I like that premise because today most people are dating from a place of well if we have chemistry everything Will just magically work out because all you have to do is sit your feminine energy and men will claim you Well, these men you're talking about are really the rare types of guys and the reality is as I said earlier We've got a very dysfunctional population I mean a hugely dysfunctional population of people who want companionship connection and sex And by the way, they're not capable of being a relationship and by the way as a single man out there I am witnessing this from women as well I haven't told you all this But in the last 60 days, I've been ghosted three times I mean absolutely ghosted Now it's micro ghosting. So it doesn't really count, you know, it wasn't relationships Although one person we went out a couple times, but I mean just absolutely disappeared without any courtesy You know, if I'm going to say to someone I'm not interested I I'm man up. I'm man up In fact, I I did a video this morning for my shorts. I said when a guy pulls do this when a guy pulls away stop Stop giving guy space because this whole idea just give a guy space and you know, you just live your fabulous life And he'll see that you're living your fabulous life and he'll go. Oh my god. She's living a fabulous life I better go get her back I'm like what fucking planet are people on this doesn't happen And I recognize that many of my contemporaries out there got married in their 30s. They're not in mid-life They're not they haven't been through like what I've gone through alimony child support visitation rights family court You know erectile dysfunction elderly parents and assisted living and worse now losing a child Many of you know, I lost a child. There's a picture of Connor right there. That's my favorite picture. I'm free That by the way song from the who I feel like he's free from the burden of all the crap we're dealing with today And I know he's speaking to me. I know the other day. He gave me a sign on on someone who was dysfunctional And so thank you Connor Um, and and let me just say this You know, it's it's not look it I'm not trying to be an alarmist. Okay, because people are again, I got four clients in the last two weeks By the way, if you want some help in coaching check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with your coach is right for you By the way, if the content resonates with you so far hit that like button But what I want to say is not to be an alarmist, but at the same time I think it's really important not to be naive to this process And so I made some more notes here So one of the things I really want to encourage now is I'd like to I think if you want to be in a relationship, you have to stop dating Stop dating and what I mean to say is stop dating from the perspective of gender Expectations and start getting to know another human being From both a you know from a romantic When I say romantic perspective from an attraction based perspective and at the same time building the friendship piece as well And I don't I believe that the best way to do that is through radical honesty to be vulnerable to be authentic and transparent Now that doesn't mean to vomit your feelings. That doesn't mean to give away secrets I'm saying be honest about where you're at in your life That these days most people are going I I really believe the last five years in particular swipe dating Has bastardized the getting to know you process has absolutely bastardized It was a you know, there was a big difference when you used your laptop By the way, let me reframe that Anytime any of these apps got on your phone. It changed the whole dynamic Because there's just technology has has created an absolute Overwhelm I know women tell me they get I you know, I have clients who tell me they get hundreds and hundreds of messages How do you sort through hundreds of messages the other day? I did a boost on my match profile and I got 50 not 50 35 messages in one evening And I was looking through it I was like I was overwhelmed and and quite frankly there wasn't anyone for a fit for me At least I didn't feel a connection to their profiles or the ones I did feel a connection They were mismatched. They lived thousands of miles away or their lifestyles were so different And so I'm here to encourage An understanding and I'll get to the six things that men secretly want. I promise I'll get to that in a second But again, I'm going to show my relationship iceberg chart. I show this I mentioned this in almost every video But I'm pointing this out because we today are hyper focused on chemistry the tip of the iceberg That's where attraction is but compatibility is about shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity And so these days when I'm talking to someone on the phone, I've got my checklist, you know Because if you're listen, for example, I can't stand people who have extreme political views I'm I'm I'm in the middle. I'm I'm in the middle. I can't by the way. I can't stand all politicians So if someone loves a politician, you know what that's already a turnoff to me Not that it's it's not a deal-breaker, but it's kind of a turnoff Uh, I'm you know, I'm a spiritual but not religious person. I I've got a flexible lifestyle These are just some of the things I go through my list to see if we're on the same page because this idea Well, if we love each other magic does will make it all work out Like what fucking planet do you folks live on? Magic love does not solve problems compatibility. By the way, e-harmy claims and I'm not suggesting this is true But they have a 3% divorce rate When they check off all the boxes and I believe that that might be fairly accurate Because when you're genuinely the more aligned two people are the greater chance for success And it sardons me how many women I speak to on a regular basis When guys come on strong You know, they're chasing sacks But you know, men are supposed to be the hunters and they're supposed to chase because I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine and let them chase You know, and then they pull the bullshit. I can't stand when I hear this and by the way I think I can't stand it because I've been guilty of it too back 15 years ago. I pulled the you know, I'm not ready for a relationship card That I mean guys listen, it's time to call people out And that's why I said in my video earlier when a guy pulls away You know after he's invested in you Fucking call these people out Now you can do it in a loving way I mean, it's actually possible to do it in a sincere way, but I'm here to suggest calling people out So um another client just texted me a photo of her guy I don't have permission to share it, but she literally just texted to me right now Uh, I'll just do it like this whoosh. She just texted a picture of her and her guy. I'm so excited I'm so excited from that line from uh cat and the half. Um, anyway, so I'm going off tangent And lastly I want to share a quick story I heard from another Coach that there's coaches out there recommending the following to women. This is this infuriates me. They're telling women that if I'm if a man's plan to date with you Is to ghost the guy To create conflict to ghost the guy That makes him want to chase you. I mean, can you believe that? Because it's like it's it you know, it's no they said to ghost the guy to see how he resolves conflict I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. That's advice being told and there's another coach out there I've heard this on on a podcast that said, you know when when you swipe on a guy, there's a on bumble There's a feature where it's 24 hours You let it expire and see if the guy presses the extend button There's an extension button on the the profile here like you can like I'll just show it real quickly you can extend the person Like what fucked this is game playing and you wonder why the process is so fucked up There's a lot of coaches giving really toxic advice out there And so What i'm about to share Is not what men secretly want It's what grown-ups secretly want Men and women of life grown up grown up human beings So let me talk about even though the title is six things guys secretly want but don't ask for This is what six things grown-up secretly asked for but don't But don't want but don't ask. So there's my notes. Bum bum bum Let's talk about it right here number one transparency transparency If it's material to the relationship, then you better speak up sooner rather than later So material things if you have an std Speak up sooner rather later if you've got contention going on at work speak up sooner if you have Financial problems speak up sooner rather than later because this narrative that you'll hook the person and then dump your problems People don't want that if you're not capable of being a relationship or you have something that may cause you Maybe you might have some problems with your children and that's okay But speak up about it be transparent grown-up human beings want transparency number two A commitment to the process a commitment to the process By the way the cup says let that shit go what I mean is Listen, I'm not a big proponent of date or getting to know More than one person at a time. I make a commitment to the process not the commitment to the person I am here to recommend write this down A commitment to the process Give your undivided attention To one human being at a time because this whole circular dating and duty dating is one other reason why it's a cluster Fuck out there and there is advice out there that tells women to date three men at a time Do you know how fucked up? How would you like it ladies if guys were dating three men at a time sleeping with three women at a time and not telling you That's bullshit. I'm sorry to say that's fucking bullshit If you agree with me give me a thumbs up right now or give me an amen in the chat box Commitment to the process not a commitment to the person to the process number three Genuine kindness You know ghost what these micro ghosts I've just had how fucked up is that? you know Falling away How fucked up is that now? Listen you might pull if two people got into an argument You might pull away. You might need time to take space. I'm not against that I'm talking about and if you had listen When my son passed away the day he passed away I had a date that night. I had the first date plan that night I could have skipped it And she would have totally understood right, but you know what? I had the balls enough to send a text message saying I had a family tragedy and I have to cancel tonight And then a few days later and she said take care of whatever you need a few days later I shared and she was she was so apologetic. I mean not not apologetic. She was just saddened for me You know that's kindness You know if I I can't scam people that say I don't have enough time To respond but yet if it was your boss with a hundred million dollar deal You would fucking swim through glass to get to that text message So don't fucking tell me people don't have enough time to shoot You know now because of devices we can shoot a simple text message and that's kindness number four respect Kind of piggybacks on what i'm talking about right now You know what there is a lack of respect for human beings these days You know because we're dealing with strangers And if you're not familiar with the book talking to strangers by Malcolm Gladwell I highly recommend checking this out because folks if you're not pulling your head out of your ass right now and recognizing that We know nothing about other human beings and i'm here to suggest Check out their social media footprint, you know find out what you can about another human being because listen There are a lot of dysfunctional human beings out there I mean, I'm not talking about catfishers or the tender swindler. I'm talking about garden variety Disfunctionality you guys know my mature my emotional maturity chart. Okay, you see it there It's not a fact. It's an opinion But we're dealing with a lot of dysfunctionality again four clients told me they fell in love. I'm so excited I'm so excited Number did I say number four respect number five acceptance? Look at We're in a world. We're in a world of hurt here in the united states. It's a fucking shit show out there There is a division And ultimately if you meet a good quality human being then it's time to accept them for who they are instead of trying to Change them ladies There's an old saying men marry women hoping they change and women Excuse me men marry women hoping they don't change and women marry men hoping they do change That is a recipe for disaster So acceptance is a critical improvement and number number six number six Is trust Trust isn't about fidelity Trust is about can I trust this person cares about my feelings as much as I care about my feelings That is trust and these days The penis gets to go inside the vagina so quickly Before any trust is built And you wonder why it's a fucking shit show got folks I talk about this book all the time eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman Before the penis goes inside the vagina read this book together buy two copies say look If you want your penis inside of me, then we're gonna do this and i'm getting email after email I just got an email today From did I save it? I wonder if I saved it. Hold on a second um I wonder if I saved it. She was just literally saying I uh Oh darn it. I can't I got so many I got so many messages now. Oh, wait a minute. Here it is No, that's not it either. I know I saved it, but she was telling me how She purchased the book and he oh no, it was a guy that just wrote me um No, it was a man who wrote me. He said he purchased the book um Where is it? I swear He said he purchased the book for the woman. He was dating I did you did you hear that it was a man who purchased the book for the woman He was dating said let's read this together before we have sex Is that fucking cool ladies that the guy initiated this? This wasn't a woman. I know I saved this email I'm so sorry Oh, here it is um Oh, he says i'm a 67 year old man. I've been following jonathan for a long time I met a 65 year old woman two weeks Several weeks ago online during our video chat. I mentioned radical honesty her she lived up like a firework She said really that's fantastic. Let's do it We've been almost inseparable and can probably add three more date ideas to the book eight dates I've never experienced so open and honest of relationship. We learned stuff about each other Um, that might never have been discussed in a million years It's all started by just being brave and happening having an open heart. Can I get an amen? But ladies isn't that cool that a guy has been listening to my channel and saying I'm going to do what jonathan said. I'm going to initiate the con I'm going to buy the book for her and we're going to do this together Folks, I'm here to offer listen. I'm the contrarian I'm not giving you the bullshit advice like give a guy space and live your fabulous life and he'll just magically go back to you I'm not suggesting play feminine energy games. I'm not it's all the game playing It's why it's such a mess out there. It's why it's a shit show And not to mention that human beings are really fucked up I mean we are we are we're riddled we're riddled With traumas both micro traumas and macro traumas. It's funny I was speaking to a woman who's 45 years old and she dates men 15 years older thinking they are more mature and i'm like The older a person gets who is unhealed the more dysfunctional they become Boys are immature. They have no experience But as a man ages he goes through midlife crisis He goes through the tunnel as allison armstrong talks about and if he hasn't healed during that time He's going to be a fucking shit show and by the way ladies. You're no picnic either I got ghosted three times in the last 60 days micro ghosting mind you It just it blows me away and you're you're no picnic to be with either trust me I do understand why there are female coaches out there trying to Make you grow up as well I don't like the word make but encouraging So you know what's going to make everyone you know what's going to help the most I'm going to end on this note and then we'll take questions If you haven't read this book the Hoffman process The Hoffman process it's a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas And if you happen to be in los angeles in the next few weeks I'm going to show you one other thing. Hold on. Hold on insight seminars insight seminars Three seminars back insight in los angeles starts next thursday Insight here the website is please. Please. Please check it out. It's called insight seminars dot or insight S-e-m-i-n-r-s dot or I think you can do it online. I'm going to tell you it will change your life. You will Imagine being wrapped in a blanket of self love Just like my book What the heck of self love anyway link below by the way Plug for my book a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work. All right Run by that quick six things really quickly Transparency a commitment to the process a genuine kindness respect acceptance and trust Can I get an amen? All right time to take questions and if you know my format it goes like this Uh, write the word question and post the question thereafter if you're on the video chat live Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign Down there below all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor asley who passed away There's a picture of him right there. Isn't he cute and there he sees i'm free And there's him with his auntie sawa auntie sara auntie sara and my oldest son call So proud of him Um, and then the monies go to supporting causes like insight seminars and the hopman process as well as helping defray the cost of personal development So let's get started. Let's get started All right, if you have a question post the word question, then write the question thereafter Um, oh my god, there are a lot of comments today. I'm hoping this content resonated with you today Uh, let's go swim in. Okay. I don't see any questions yet post the word question purchase a super sticker super chat, please Oh, here we go Jenny writes Question what do you want for dinner and what will wait? What do you want for dinner and what will you have? Having for dinner. Are you asking me that question? Uh, I'm having a steak as soon as I wrap up today. Also, I'm actually hosting a webinar for my private group called midlife love mastery There's a link below Called my VIP group. I'm hosting a webinar. I think it's called the five things that emotionally attract men blah blah blah blah But um, I'm gonna make a steak for dinner after before after that. I can't decide All right, uh, let's see what rita says question I love technology, but I'm old-fashioned. Do you think women are more old-fashioned than men are the sex asks wait the sex asks Are astronomical the sex apps are i'm turned off um I don't really understand your question rita, but let me just say this um Be careful of being old-fashioned. Okay um And by the way, one of the most old-fashioned things a woman could do is drop the hankie in other words initiating contact with men That's why the site bumble was created because it literally is an old-fashioned the bumble dating app is basically all about um The bumble app is all about you dropping the hankie But I'd be careful with old-fashioned dating because here's the problem When you're meeting a stranger and I started to say this earlier But I really do believe we have to stop dating and start Changing the process by saying let's invest time getting to know one another without the pressure of dating That way listen. I'm offering this as a suggestion not as a As an absolute But I do believe that if we slow the process down Look at steve harvey wrote a book act like a lady think like a man while i'm not endorsing the book I'm not so certain waiting 90 days to have sex. Ain't a bad idea anymore because ladies the wrong guys will disappear really quickly You know, but here's the problem Distance dating is the really bigger problem here today Proximity is the bigger problem the closer two people live the easier it is to get to know one another the further apart The harder it is to get to know one another and that's one of the real challenges today so You know as far as being old-fashioned Look at you can do whatever you want But it's a dysfunctional world out there So try something different because the old way doesn't work and that whole movie pride and prejudice were the Emotion available man is going to claim kira nightly. They knew each other for about a nanosecond and he was in love with her Really? What world are we living in that doesn't exist? It never did and it doesn't today All right, so that's my two cents on that. Thank you for your question I want to thank lizzander for the ten dollar super sticker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much All right, let's come back here to bump bump Let's see. Michelle m. Cooper Question I met a guy who's still married, but their relationship is over. He wants to start dating But I don't want to be a rebound relationship. What I should I wait? I know you said what I write. Um, you are guaranteed to be one of many transition relationships to him That is almost a virtual guarantee unless he's codependent then he'll latch himself onto you really quickly Do not date people who are not divorced And I'm speaking from personal experience and let me tell you the story This was right after I got divorced Or excuse me We filed for divorce and I met a woman online five months in and she asked me how long have you been divorced? I said I'm separated five months and she wrote me and said reach out to me in 18 20 18 to 24 months After you've had one or two transition relationships and I wrote her back. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready Sure enough four months later. I need a woman great woman fantastic woman By the way, she got we only dated for three months and after we broke up she met a great guy and got married I am good luck. I'm good luck. Jonathan. If you want to get married, you should date me first I swear to god. I think I've got like 10 ex-women I've dated who are all married now. So I must be good luck chuck Anyway, did this woman for three months fantastic woman and I pulled the I'm not ready for a relationship card I was a train wreck And most people are and by the way Divorce is emotionally traumatic. It is a shit show to go through a divorce. So Um And I had two transition relationships before I actually met my most significant relationship Five years after we filed for divorce and while that relationship didn't work out. We had six fantastic years together Um, it wasn't meant to be and that's okay It's okay. It wasn't meant to be we are family to one another She was so there for me when my son passed away and certainly when my mother passed away Six months before that she was at the hospital. She was at the funeral She paid for a bunch of things to help us along Um, thankfully she's rich but um You know, thankfully I have good relationships with several of the women I've dated in my life because you know what I tried to end Well, we both ended our relationships with conscious uncoupling and real love and by the way folks Not every relationship is meant to go the distance Most relationships are learning lessons I wasn't ready even though I loved this person I was still going through the tunnel of dysfunctionality when we were together And it took another four years for me now I'm literally finally in a place where I think I could fully commit to someone And I do a shitload of personal development work on myself So I'm here to say By the way, I saw a meme that said, you know, um, it used to be in 1996 You had me at hello and in 2022 you had me at I do therapy I that's one of the first questions I ask women. Have you done therapy? Are you currently doing personal development self-help and spiritual work to heal childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas? That might affect your ability to be in relationship It only scares the wrong person away ladies By the way, this fear you have of scaring a guy away Look at if you are needy if you're dysfunctional you're always going to scare a guy away Okay, but if you are in your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem Your self-confidence Chapter one in my book speak your truth do it with kindness in chapter nine if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person Ha I went off on a tangent like I always do. Thank you so much for your question. Oh, that's not a question there Um, so I hope I answered your question. I'm cooper All right. I did see a super sticker go from heather. Uh, I want to thank. Oh, it's a question No question or request. Would you mind saying hello to my son Isaac? I'll be he'll freak out Loving the bear hugs. Hey Isaac Hello big hugs I love the super stickers. Thank you so much All right, let's see what else we have Oh, I'm on a roll today Cheryl writes How do you order your books that website? That website it can be I can have some titles of different books Oh, by the way, so Cheryl go to jonathan recommends.com in the link in the description below Click on that find the book and if you don't then just click on the link that'll take you to amazon And you can purchase any book I recommend Through there. So thank you so much And by the way, you can get my book what the heck is self love at self love the book.com self love the book.com self love the book.com self love the book.com All right pastel rights Are the midlife men's reaction to breakups the same as younger men? So that's a great question I think Younger men possibly bounce back faster Because the testosterone within younger men is like Fucking shooting through the roof as we men get older our testosterone levels drop and our estrogen levels increase And I do believe that men as they age become far more sensitive as human beings I and sensitive in the scent look at I didn't share this I'm not gonna I don't want to go in the particulars but I had a very I had a very disturbing event happen with a woman Recently and I'll say in the last few months And and she did something a little bit heinous towards me. It wasn't a breakup. It was just a it was a person that was in the dating process She used my son against me My my son who passed away. I don't want to go into the particulars But that left a scar That left an emotional scar So the older we get I do believe men become more and more sensitive It's harder to bounce back And if you've had one experience that didn't work out another experience that didn't work out another experience didn't work out And I often think ladies Harder the reason why I'm single Is because I think on a spiritual level I'm meant to experience all the fucking shit you experience So I can know what it feels like I certainly the reason why I started my my website It's because I know how dysfunctional I was after my divorce and I wanted to give it women advice because I was there And sadly I do believe lately the universe is throwing a lot of shit my way because it's because I feel like the message is this The message is to slow down the process The message I'm hearing so strongly is to slow down the process To actually invest in building trust with one another And it's like this message is coming loud and clear And I'm not a puritan. I'm not a I'm not I look at if I listen wouldn't it be great if I I'm your big brother I could be there on a first date with that shotgun pointed at the guy's face and say what's your intentions because You know what we here in the united states are living the world with a lack of genuine accountability in fact it's the the real the the the shame of it all Is that we have a social media network that shames that's that's trolling and harming people's lives In such a way, but it's not the real shame You know, I had a woman once call me out on my shit. This was years ago. I got I got listen I got alcohol poisoning on a date. It's not an excuse. It's just what happened and I was acting very belligerent And the next morning I wrote her I reached out to her thinking oh everything was fine And she said I was a belligerent asshole And she called me out on my shit Be a man Was what she said Fuck that was like a dagger in my heart be a man And and it was the wake-up call. This is 10 years ago. Give it no 11. No 11 years ago And interestingly enough It was literally three weeks later that I met someone special that I began a six-year relationship So, you know what? It's time to call people out on their bullshit I'm serious. I don't believe in shaming people, but I'm not so certain that you know when I was growing up my dad Listen mom and dad, you know, it was a generation where you got the shit kicked out of you But maybe tough love is what's needed today. I'm not suggesting it is. I'm just saying it as a question Because this whole let the shit go and and live your life and forget about it. No There's got to be some consequence to bad behavior Because if we let bad behavior keep going and going going then what's going to happen? Then there's going to be a rippling effect and someone's going to get hurt How many of you got okay by a show of hands saying yes, I've been emotionally I don't mean what you've you have felt emotionally hurt by micro ghosting or ghosting or Someone telling you that they're not ready for a relationship because that hurts me So I'm curious does it hurt to feel that and can that wear on you? Please tell me by letting me know in the comments. Yes, I've had that happen and that hurts because we can brush it off Oh, it's just so easy live your life and brush it off No Maybe we should call people out on their shit Do you agree with that? Should we call people out on their shit post a comment below and let me know I'm by the way, if you're watching the replay of this, let me know I'm I'm this is a question not a statement. Well, I am kind of making the statement. So all right Ah Thank you so much for your question I hope I answered it Ingrid says I love your book and I'm reading it again. Yay. Thank you Ingrid Um Cassandra says Do you feel like a man with ed is more comfortable with sexting sites? Behind the partners back even though their partner is okay with it and would And why would they emotionally cheat on me? That's a good question I know a 76 year old man that basically says he can't get a heart on anymore And so he basically has platonic friendships Um, if someone has ed it's hard to get a heart on anyway to go on the sites and I think maybe it's just to fill the void You know, I can't speak because that's not my ever expertise but You know, here's the question I have for you. Why do you care what he's doing? What are you doing Cassandra? Folk folks every time you ask a question about why guys are doing things you're giving your power away to men The real question is why are you? I'm not suggesting you Cassandra, but why are you attracted to these men? Why do you stick it out with these men? Whether I mean he might be a good guy. I have no idea But um, the real question is to look inward. Look in the mirror. That's a mirror Was one. All right, you get the gist of it. There we're mirror. You can see me. See you can see me. It's a mirror All right. Thank you so much Let's go swim, man Oh pump pump pump. Let's Let's go. Oh, wow. We got uh Oh roller girl. Thank you for connor Oh I love it. Thank you for the dollar nine nine. I appreciate it. Oh lexie wrote a question. Where is it? I don't see it lexie I saw someone say oh, here's michael Dude, I just shared with you the audience the message you sent me How does a relationship last six years or five or seven or eight and not work out? I asked because I want to know the pitfalls for long-term relationship. Okay, great question So why didn't my relationship work out? Okay folks when I met the woman I was listen I got wiped out in the market crash of 2008 I used to have a seven figure net worth and I actually had to move in with my mom and dad And roughly it around I moved in well, I had my I had moved in with my mom and dad and a retirement home in 2009 2010 I lost, you know, I literally was living off Minimal savings and I had no job at this point But I started my dating coaching practice around 2009 2010 and I was doing it for peanuts But I started to get a little bit of notoriety around 2010 and And I met a woman January of 2011, but I was living with my mom and dad And and she on our second date. She asked me a question. She's a marriage and family therapist by the way, she had her own television show successful woman and And she figured out on our second date that I lived with my folks And she didn't reject me But the problem was was I was deep in my own insecurities and on some level I wanted to be rescued my shit not hers And beautiful woman. We we we both needed to heal our own wounds I needed to heal my anxious attachment style And she needed to heal her father wounds. And so in a way we were a karmic relationship Um, and thankfully we had a very beautiful conscious uncoupling Um, which by the way in the book conscious uncoupling by Catherine Woodward Thomas our breakup was published in a book Actually made the news that as well Because we had kind of a public relationship But the real reason why we ended our our relationship ended was I was still going through midlife crisis By the way, for the record, she's older than me. If I said how much she would kill me um But um, I think I was looking for a mom to to rescue me And she was looking for her own healing and we had a beautiful conscious uncoupling. So coming back to your question I I needed a I needed it took me another few more years to really get my Listen after we broke up. I lost my mom and I lost Connor. So and my business tanked I didn't feel like working in 2019 So I was in no position to be in a relationship with anyone I could barely afford to go out on dates Um, and then thankfully I started my youtube channel and my business has gone through the roof And I finally feel like I can be that that Not that I'd have to be a provider protector, but I can be the man And and plus I've done it. I did the Hoffman process right after my mother right before my mother passed away I did insight seminars. I've spent the last four years. Let me read you Here I'll read you what I wrote my bumble profile just to give you a Just to give you an example um The past four years I've been on a dramatic journey to become become vulnerable authentic and transparent seeking a woman ready to explore the depths of emotional intimacy You up for deep meaningful conversations in a slight warp sense of humor. I'm your guy fyi I've done a course love a course in miracles and I'm seeking an empty nest so to answer your question michael Not every relationship is meant to go the distance But each one by the way, she's been she's in a happy relationship right now She's been with a guy for four years. David a great guy. We play golf together about once a year We have social events because we have mutual friends. So um, don't worry about if it's going to fail Work on being a conscious partnership. Check out the book Spiritual partnership by gary zuccoff spiritual partnership by gary zuccoff Be intentional and co-creative relationship together because you have a greater chance of success Because we didn't do that. But that's my invitation for you. Can I get an amen michael? Thank you so much All right. Thanks for that question All right you know what folks, uh We got time Listen, we got time for a super sticker super chest. We got lots of questions here I'm going to take heather's last question a class question. I'm going to take us from heather Are you a believer that everything happens for a reason? Or is it that we are meant to look back and figure out reasons ourselves to improve and move forward? Well, let's see what the book what the heck is self love anyways says because I think it says here every chapter eight Everything is happening for you and not to you. Let me read you the chapters from my book. Okay Speak your truth do it with kindness Stop effing complaining. You're a human mistakes happen If something feels off it is Don't let anyone eff with your chi. That's goner be of service to humanity Take responsibility for your choices Everything is happening for you not to you if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person Your body is a machine not a temple The importance of community and developing your tribe Your thoughts create your feelings Heal your childhood wounds choose love over ego or fear There's no separation between the genders Understand and accept others experiences Make personal growth a daily habit Pay attention to the signs Fall more in love with nature Love being alone Love the space you're in Make friends with the voices in your head. That's a untethered soul one Be good steward of your money Don't love others at the expense of yourself. Don't love others at the expense of yourself Get out of your head and into your feelings Honor your uniqueness the loving the wonderful weird me Learn to say no no is a good thing Others don't need to suffer for you to feel good We're all messed up. It's just a matter of degrees When things go wrong shift to love And and my final thought so this book what the heck is self love anyways what I just shared all the chapters oops And so I thought you might get a kick out of that. You know what folks? I think this would be Uh, oh michael one more time my mantra has been be brave and have an open heart michael hold on one second On my front on my door I shoot this on my kitchen table, but on my door open and receptive to love Easy in other words think of it as easy a relationship leading to partnership being open and receptive to love So we're going to end on a prayer right now I invite in I invite in a relationship where we both have mutual chemistry I invite in a relationship Where our communication on our banter Goes on for hours and hours of the time including amazing sense of humor together I invite in a relationship where you have amazing chemistry with one another I invite in a relationship where our lives are blendable with one another I invite in a relationship where we share the same values and have that level of emotional maturity And I invite in a relationship where we can build the deep roots of trust those deep roots of trust That'll invite us to love each other from a level of partnership and that is my invitation for myself and that is my invitation for you all Can you say that prayer with me and can you give me an amen? All right, folks, I think you get the gist of where I'm going We're going to talk about those six things men and women secretly want but don't ask for they want transparency They want a commitment to the process They want genuine kindness. They want respect They want acceptance and most of all They want trust and i'm so grateful that i've gotten four messages in the last 10 days from clients Who are in those kind of relationships and they know the difference and i'm honored to be a person to help that So check out the link to a free discovery call check out my group called midlife love mastery check out my book Share this video like this video if i'm making a difference in your life Please comment below saying you're making a difference in my life jonathan And i'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic jotham bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear or pillow and give iter them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank margaret and holly and head there and michael and barbara and terry and lexie and miss ford and lily pad and grace and colleen and kelly and uh miss wildish sherry bub bub bub master oh Folks, I hope you have a fab night today and if this really did make a difference in your life Please send this to your friends email it to your friends because I feel like this was an important one to talk about Especially the first 20 minutes of this one. All right. Thanks a bunch. Have a wonderful evening y'all y'all y'all good night now